Sweet Baby James

You may have read the story of our Faith, Grace, and Thomas. You may have read about the man voice. But, I haven't really shared the story of my youngest son, James. You've seen his second grade smile. You may know a tale or two of his lively little boy ways. But today, on this walk down memory lane, I want to share about his beginning. His amazing, miraculous beginning. We talk a lot here about the beauty of sufficient grace. The story of our sweet baby James is another piece of our tapestry full of beautiful grace. I hope you'll walk with me a little while this Wednesday...

Several months ago, I was tucking James into bed and reading from his children's bible. The bible story shared a miracle. Sadly, I cannot remember the exact miracle, but I do remember our conversation. We were praying for healing for a sick baby and comfort for grieving moms.

James said, "Mom, that was back in the bible time. Jesus doesn't do miracles like that anymore."

"Oh, really?" I replied with raised eyebrows. "I'm looking at a real live miracle right now!"

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Well, when you were growing in my tummy, you were very sick."

"Like Faith, and Grace and Thomas??"

"Well, kind of. Timothy and Daddy and Mommy prayed for a baby to come to our house and stay. Faith, Grace, and Thomas went to heaven and we were very sad because we missed them. And then came you. But the doctors found a little tear near the placenta...the part that feeds the baby while in the mommy's tummy. And the doctors said that there was a 50% chance that you may not live."

"Really?"

"Yes...and we waited and prayed. God healed you...and you are here today. So, Mr. James...God still definitely does miracles. I'm looking at one. It's you!"

"Wow...I guess He does still does do miracles." He smiled and sat a little taller. "He let me stay!" He grinned.
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After we said goodbye to our twin daughters, Faith and Grace, and less than 2 years later our son Thomas, we were not sure if we would have any more children. I longed for a baby to fill our house with joy and to fill my aching empty arms. But, we didn't know if we could endure another loss. And pregnancy is very hard on my body, as well. Carrying our twins has left me with compromised health in some areas that make pregnancy very difficult for me.

Then, I discovered I was expecting a baby. And, I determined from the very beginning that I wanted to allow hope and joy...knowing that this would probably be our last chance to carry a child. I wanted to cherish every moment of this life, no matter how much time we were given.

The stress on our marriage at the time was insurmountable. We were struggling with grief and fear. Three months into the pregnancy, I started bleeding. I went to the hospital and the ER technician said that there was some sort of tear in the placenta.
We went to Dr. M in the morning, and he said that there was a subchorion hematoma. There was a 50% chance that it would resolve itself or a 50% chance that I would lose the baby. Preterm labor is also a concern. Well, I had been given 20% with Faith and Grace. And less than 1% with Thomas. So, 50% was a little scary, but it was better odds than we had seen in awhile.

I went home, still determined to hope...still clinging in prayer. Holding on to whatever shreds of joy I could grasp.

I continued to bleed...continued to pray...continued to wonder and wait.

And, several weeks into the journey, that would have felt precarious without the bleeding and percentages, I stopped bleeding. The baby boy within my womb grew and thrived. There was not too much amniotic fluid...and not too little. I held my breath and lived from ultrasound to ultrasound.

We had a baby shower. And Tim put together the swing and the bouncy seat. It was a big step...a giant step to fill our house with baby things. For us, it would never again be a guarantee that a pregnancy meant a baby would come to live at our house. But we did prepare a bedroom...and I continued to hope. It was a battle to hold on to hope and joy...a daily, consuming battle.

But on a sunny day in May, ...our sweet baby James was born after a grueling labor and a lot of pushing. I didn't hear the cry at first. The cry I had longed to hear for several years.

"Make him cry, Dr. M.... I don't hear a cry!" Familiar panic tightened around my throat and squeezed my palpitating heart.

And then...it came, filling the room with it's glory, surrounding me like a healing balm. The sweetest sound on this earth...the sound of a newborn baby cry...the sound of new life...my baby...my sweet, sweet baby...alive and crying in my arms. Tim looked stunned as James was placed in his arms. "Stunned" soon gave way to joy. We had a baby boy! A boy who had come to stay! Timothy came and held his brother...finally, he would not be denied. This baby would be coming home with us...to complete our family.

And...he most certainly did. There have been some little health quirks along the way for James, but he is for the most part a healthy, active boy. And again I say, "Those who sow in tears will with reap with songs of joy."

And we did...and we are...reaping with songs of joy.

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A little note on this: God's miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes God calms the storm...sometimes He quiets the child. Sometimes He gives physical healing on this earth...sometimes He heals by taking a soul to heaven - the ultimate, complete, and permanent healing. They are all miracles. The teenager that grows as we speak (blog) made us parents and is truly a miracle. The three sweet babies who spend their days dancing in heaven are most certainly valued miracles whose lives have touched thousands, and whose lives were used to draw us closer to the Lord and show us more of who He is. And, sweet baby James, who beat the odds and was "allowed to stay" (as both boys have said) with us is most certainly a miracle. But none is more precious or valued than the other. We know that we don't always get the earthly miracle. We know that...and when we don't, His grace is sufficient to carry us...and even that...even the beauty that comes from such hideous ashes...the beauty of a changed heart, a changed life...is truly a miracle, indeed. Maybe the most beautiful miracle of all...