Before

In 1996 when we met and said goodbye to our Faith and Grace and in 1998 when we met and said good-bye to our Thomas Patrick, things were much different than they are today. When Faith and Grace were born, we held them briefly while I sang Amazing Grace and said a prayer. The nurses took them and shot some poor quality polaroids (although we do appreciate their attempts). We were given a little bundle with their tiny preemie diapers, the polaroids, and the book Empty Arms and sent on our not-so-merry way. When we received the fatal diagnosis of Potter's Syndrome midway through our pregnancy with Thomas, we heard the words "incompatible with life" for the first time and we were sent on our not-so-merry (read: grief stricken, forsaken-feeling, heart broken) way. To make a choice. An impossible choice.

It was before.

Before Be Not Afraid...

Before Waiting With Gabriel and perinatal hospice...

Before String of Pearls...

Before Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

Before we were inspired by the journeys of MckMama and Stellan, Angie and Audrey Caroline, Stacy and Isaac, Lynette Kraft and her sweet babies, before Names were Written in the Sand and so many other bloggers who courageously clung to the Lord and His promises in the midst of the storm as He held them in the grip of His grace...

It was before I even had a computer!

It was still on the outskirts of a time when you quietly grieved as the world moved on. We did continue our pregnancy with Thomas, but we didn't have a maternity Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photo shoot. We didn't feel the we could embrace and fully cherish our time with Thomas with the outside world, at least. I did cherish it in the quiet of my heart. We felt weak, often just clinging to the Lord to get through. I didn't have a birth plan...didn't know there was such a thing. I didn't know anyone else who chose to continue their pregnancy, and some in the medical profession thought we were crazy for doing so. (Not my wonderful, compassionate maternal fetal medicine doctor, Dr. M...but some.) I did live from month to month...ultrasound to ultrasound because I knew that short of a miracle from God, this would be the only time I had with my sweet Thomas. And I longed to see him on the screen...I longed to meet him face to face. I did feel sometimes that my pregnant belly was a source of sorrow and a reminder of the loss to come to my family who had already buried our sweet baby girls less than two years prior to this pregnancy. I did struggle with dealing with being pregnant around others in our tiny town who could see my visibly pregnant belly and thought that I was joyfully expecting new life. And not awaiting my baby's death.

God did speak to my heart that no matter what the outcome, whether Thomas was healed physically on this earth or whether He was made complete in heaven...He would live. He would live and his life would be a miracle...no matter what. So...I was expecting new life. New beautiful, amazing life. He spoke it to my heart as I read of Lazarus in John 11..."This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." (John 11:4) Of course, my aching mother's heart at first thought the Lord was speaking to me that my Thomas would not die. (And really He was...but I didn't get it at first.) Over the course of a few days, the message sunk in...no matter what the outcome, Thomas will live. Because later in verses 25-26, Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though He may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"

Yes, Lord...I believe this...and I finally understood. No matter what, Thomas would live. Years before this message of truth was heard around the world through the journey of a sweet MckMama and her precious MckMuffin, God whispered this promise to my heart in the quiet of my kitchen as my tears dripped onto the bible before me.

We had a quiet, private service for our babies when they passed. And, people didn't know what to say, how to comfort us, how to support us. We were quiet, not displaying pictures...not sharing the lives of our sweet children with the world. We were quiet as we were carried through the relentless waves of grief, sharing it with only those closest to us...rarely discussing it with one another. At the time, we were just trying to survive. I didn't have the voice to share their journey for many years. But, in 2004, God did begin to awaken my heart to share Faith and Grace and Thomas with others...to reach out to offer comfort and hope. And, he gave me a voice.

Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women (and families) was born.

I am so grateful for the support and inspiration we have today from the organizations I listed above and from the brave mothers and families who have shared their babies with the world. That we may all have a voice. That mothers who walk this journey know that they don't walk alone. That because of their courage, their faith, because of God's unbelievable grace...the families who walk this path today can know that others have walked before them....cherishing the gift of life, no matter how brief. The message that every life matters, every life holds purpose and value...that message gives other moms the courage to trust God to carry them and their babies through with His sufficient grace. Thank you to all of you, for lending your voice to tell your stories...to to tell His story.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having said all of that, I just want to end with a little forewarning to all. Sufficient Grace Ministries is on my heart this morning (well, always!). Reaching out to more families and meeting the increasing needs of those families is a passion that God has planted in my heart since he gave me the voice to tell our story five years ago. And, we are getting ready to start Operation Support Sufficient Grace - a series of fundraisers to support the efforts of our non-profit ministry. I often struggle with the fundraising aspect of ministry. It is definitely not the main focus of what we do. Actually, we began in 2004 with just our own finances and the support of a few. We did not even have our first fundraiser until last year. (It was a golf outing...and we will be doing it again this year...details to come soon!)

In the beginning, donations came here and there and God always has met our needs. He is faithful to provide and we trust Him to meet our needs. What we have learned is that He often does meet our needs through His people...and that sometimes people need to know there is a need. So, I am humbly learning that fundraisers can be an opportunity to share with willing hearts that there is a need, and that God blesses both the giver and the receiver in the process! Plus, asking others to support Sufficient Grace Ministries is not something I am doing for me...to exalt myself in any way. It is something I am doing because of our vision to reach out to offer comfort and support to grieving families. We do not charge bereaved parents for our products or services. And we desire to keep it that way. The reality is that there are costs, and in order to continue meeting the growing needs of families, we do need to raise funds. We are not currently funded by any government organizations, just willing, generous hearts of our supporters. We do also receive some of funding from suggested donations we ask for our products when a hospital, photographer, funeral home, or other organization orders our products. (That is why you see a suggested donation amount listed.) We do not profit from that...all proceeds are used to give more products and supports to the families who come to us from all around the country. O.K....so along with this warning that I will be blogging about our upcoming fundraising events, I also have something to ask all of you.

Number one...please pray the Lord's guidance, blessing, and provision on the upcoming fundraising events.

Number two...if the Lord leads you to donate to support our ministry, there will be various ways to do so coming up...even if you are not local. And, you can always click on our Donate button on the right sidebar. Donations are tax deductible. We are a legally recognized 501 c 3 non-profit organization.

Number three...In addition to the "in real life" fundraiser opportunities, I would like to do a bloggy fundraiser or two. Does anyone out there have any ideas or is anyone willing to help with that? Maybe a chip in/giveaway/raffle type thing? I'm open to suggestions. And willing hearts to spread the word when the time comes.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your love and support.