SGM Ice Cream Social, Seminars, and Pieces of My Heart

Last Sunday, we held the first annual Sufficient Grace Ministries Ice Cream Social at Harvest Fellowship Church. It was a beautiful, sunny day... a great time for fellowship and ice cream!! Approximately 150 people came to enjoy a picnic-style lunch of hot dogs, baked beans, chips, punch, and ice cream with toppings...yummy! We raised over $700 thanks to the generous giving of our church family and the dear friends who made the time to come and offer their support. We had no idea what to expect for this first attempt. It truly was a leap of faith, but...as always...God is faithful to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or imagine. And...His people are pretty cool, too!





Many thanks to Harvest Fellowship...our wonderful church family and our Pastor, whom I adore... to Becki, my partner in crime (ahem...I mean ministry) who did all of the hard work planning, organizing, and "the carrying-out of" this event... Becki's husband, Rob, who grilled 240 hot dogs, Steve and Eulene, who offered their time and food preparation expertise...(and a mean baked bean recipe - thanks Eulene!), and my husband, Tim... who patiently tolerates my scattered chaos, always lends a hand with a humble, willing, hard-working heart, thinks clearly when my brain shuts down from overload, and speaks when I am too humbled to do so and feeling the need to hide behind the ice cream scooper...or whatever else is handy. I really love that man.




Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who supported this event! Not only your generous giving, but also your love and prayers mean more than words can say.

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Yesterday, I presented three seminars at St. Rita's Hospital in Lima, Ohio encouraging hospital staff on the importance of compassionate care and helping bereaved parents to form a lasting, tangible memory of the short time they have with their babies. I have given seminars like this before, and I've shared our story with churches and women's groups, also. Can I just tell you that usually the scenario is an overwhelming spiritual attack the week before the event? I often feel almost crippled by the strength of it, and wonder how on earth I will make myself do this thing I've agreed to do. My own inadequacy stares me in the face and I shrink under it's might. Small...and unable...those are the feelings...along with so many more.

I push through with prayer, and put one foot in front of the other, until I arrive at the destination. And, then...the Holy Spirit meets me there. I am strengthened with a strength that does not come from my own power. He washes over me, lifts my head, straightens my spine, and allows me to soar...as if on eagle's wings. For a brief window of time, I am the person He has created me to be. I am carried, mercifully, in all my inadequate, pathetic lack of glory...and He is glorified. He opens my mouth to tell His story, and to give the most I have of the pieces of my heart to strangers. When I am finished, I am often encouraged and in awe of the grace and faithfulness of my God, emotionally drained...exhausted and plagued with a migraine and an upset stomach from the intensity of it all.

That's how it goes when I tell the story once in a day...

I was about to tell the story three times...in one day...to a staff of nurses, doctors, medical students, chaplains, and social workers.

I'll leave out the details, but this time the attack was mighty, and I was struggling. We had a marathon of events that seemed to be accomplished at the pace of a sprint during the last couple weeks as we were ending the school year (which is also my place of employment where I work one-on-one with special needs students). Between the scheduled events at work for me, the events at school for my own children, baseball and golf tournament season beginning, and the goings-on at Sufficient Grace I felt as my good friend, Brooke, describes...as if I were being spun around in a blender and about to be spit out into summer. Only, I was going to be spit out just in time to do the seminars. And...in the midst of the blender, I needed to prepare.

My son James and I always celebrate the end of the school year and snow days with unabashed glee. And, I'm usually the instigator. On the last day of school, the day before the seminars, I was running to and fro preparing for the seminar and James' baseball game. I'll admit to being quite distracted.

At the end of the day, James said..."Mom, it was the last day of school. And, when I got off the bus, I didn't see 'excited mom'."

No, he saw busy, focused work-mode, distracted, and slightly frazzled mom. =(

I hung my head, and sighed. Then, smiled slightly, "I'm sorry, James. I have one more thing to do, and I promise on Friday, I will be excited mom." We prayed together, and I went back to work on the presentation after tucking him in.

The next morning I rushed to get ready, continued in prayer, punched in the destination on the GPS our son, Timothy purchased so we would no longer get lost (ahem...this is kind of an issue for me), and drove to the hospital just slightly behind schedule but still on time. Due to the fact that I did not listen to the GPS and thought I knew better, I did get lost, and thus arrived later than intended, quite apologetic, feeling the small inadequacy rear it's ugly head, and felt so disappointed that this was the way I would be starting this day. I was gently reminded during my quick, silent prayer, that it wasn't about me. I smoothed my skirt, and set up my computer and other items, preparing to speak, thankful that my lateness afforded a sweet mother who had experienced three losses to share about a support group she started at the hospital. Boy, God's grace is good. And, the GPS story even made for a good ice breaker!

I looked around at the room full of people in front of me and took a breath, as I began to take them on the journey with me. While the words flowed out of my mouth, I was back in that place experiencing once again the yellow ultrasound room where I heard the first dose of bad news about my girls, the cool cloth on my head held by a nurse as I vomited blood and bile, the gentle touch and kind eyes of Dr. Chandler and the courageous compassion of Dr. Marcotte. I watched as they were in that place with me, tears streaming down their faces, heads nodding in understanding. They have walked this path with other mothers. They have seen the grief from the outside, and some have experienced it themselves. Now, they were experiencing it through this mother's eyes.

I poured out my heart, choking back my own tears during a few paragraphs. There is only one way to do this. I could stand there, and stoically tell them what would help, what to say and what not to say...but the only way to truly help them to see the parent's perspective is to take them there with me. And, in order to do that, I must go back to that place. Anything else, they can read in a book...but those words carry weight when you understand exactly how the actions of the caregiver impact the patient. Sometimes you have to walk with a person a little while, before you're ready to hear what they have to say. This is true for other things as well. But, that's another post for another time.

When I was finished, the group showered me with words of encouragement. Many embraced me, sharing a piece of their own journeys and experiences. They have no idea, but many of their words relieved my own areas of weakness. Before I even had a chance to wonder if what I shared was helpful, someone would come up to me and specifically say that it was so helpful. That happened throughout the day. Just as anxiety would start to form in my mind, the very thing I was concerned with would be relieved with someone else's words of encouragement. No doubt...that was not an accident. My Father knows the things I have need of and He answers before I even ask.

When the adrenaline dissipated, exhaustion set in. There were several hours between the first seminar and the second. I went to eat lunch, walked into the mall in my full black suit and heels and walked right back out, visited another hospital, melted a little from the ninety degree heat, called Becki and Lynette, prayed and closed my eyes to rest while sitting in the lobby for a little bit.

The second session was going to be taped for future use. (And, I'm getting a copy to use for Sufficient Grace!!! This is something we've been praying about for awhile. Yay!) I took the podium before a much smaller group. I began the journey once more, feeling slightly less comfortable, but still knowing I was being carried. This group was quiet and left quickly after the presentation.

The third session was shortly after the second. There was a little time, though, to eat the light supper prepared by the hospital (including, to my intense delight, some Cool Ranch Doritos that I couldn't resist!) and to chat with Tamara, the sweet mama I mentioned earlier (who spent the day, weeping and walking with me). Believe it or not, I couldn't finish my Doritos, if that tells you anything about my state by this time of the day. You know, that's saying something!

I was about to learn what it would be like to take this journey three times in one day. A group again filled the room. This time when I opened my mouth to speak, I was even more intensely back in that place than I had been before. It's funny...I wondered if I would be able to do that each time, or if it would grow numb and stale...saying the same thing over and over.

No, the emotion was as fresh as the day it happened...as if it were happening for me all over again, only entwined with the beauty of the grace we've been afforded since that time. All of it ...the pain and brokenness woven into the beautiful, heart-wrenching tapestry of grace and healing. And this time, I could neither hold back my heart nor my tears. It poured forth...everything I have to give...the most sacred pieces of my heart laid bare before these beautiful people. Their tears shed along with mine.

Not only would my heart not remain contained, but neither could my Jesus. I told them, "I hope you don't mind, but I need to share this with you...". Each time prior, I had spoken of God's grace in our story, of course...although much of the focus is on the role of the caregiver and practical advice for the hospital staff during this seminar. But, this time, I couldn't stop myself from sharing the comfort and very real presence of Jesus in the room the day I held my sweet Thomas. I couldn't keep from telling them how God has worked in our marriage, as I shared how men and women grieve differently and it's important to understand and respect that. And, if you're wondering...no...the hospital seminars do not generally include so much of that personal part of our faith and our journey.

When the seminar was over, I wondered if it was O.K. to share all of that. Although, in the moment, I was helpless to stop it. Even as the thought entered my mind, a beautiful, tearful nurse made her way to me and took my hand...looked deeply into my eyes and said, "I want to thank you. Your faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ is what carried you through all of that. And, it really is the only thing that can. It really is the only thing we can give. Thank you for sharing that with us." I felt the Lord whisper to my heart. You have to give them what you have to give...and I am the hope you have to give.

Here's the thing...

I often feel somewhat scattered and struggle with weaknesses, the chief of which is to focus way too much on my own performance as a wife, mom, friend, employee, ministry leader, public speaker, singer, writer...fill-in-the-blank. Time and time again, as my weaknesses are magnified, His glory shines forth and He shows me, faithfully, that His plan will continue to shine forth, regardless of my weakness. All that He needs from me is a willing heart and He is able to make me a vessel to tell His story. Hopefully I'll remember that next time the roaring lion stands before me, making his accusations known.

I have shared much about the emotion and my perspective of the day, but the seminars were well-received and informative for the staff. Following the sharing of my story, I gave a PowerPoint presentation sharing practical ways they can help support families and give opportunities to make a tangible memory. I used many of your suggestions from our blog frog discussion. Thank you all so much for sharing your own experiences. Kathryn...I shared the quote you mentioned about the memories of our nurses, and could tell that really hit home for several of the staff. Many shared that the presentation was very helpful. The chief complaint was that it wasn't long enough!! The staff at St. Rita's was so open to hearing about how they can better support the families in their care. Their hearts of compassion were a blessing to me, and I'm so grateful for the kindness and courage they display everyday as they care for their patients.

Thank you for your prayers...I felt them. And, it was as if many of you were with me. After all, it is my family's story...and it's the Lord's story...but, as you've shared your own journeys... it's your story as well. Thank you for your part in it.

P.S. If you're wondering if "excited mom" made her presence known on Friday, the answer is...YES! Let's just say there was a Slip N Slide involved...lots of deep- belly giggling, and one very sore mama as Saturday dawns!!

Just Popping in Quick to say Hi and Ask for Prayer

There are so many things on my heart to share, but in the frenzy of end-of-the-year...last day of work for me, last day of school for the kids, baseball games and golf tournaments busyness, I only have a few minutes. So, instead...a quick "hello", followed by a "please pray"...

Last Sunday's Ice Cream Social was a success, and we are so grateful and blessed by the generous hearts who came to share the beautiful day with us, and donated to support Sufficient Grace. We have the best church family and friends!! I will post more details about the Ice Cream Social (and a few pics, too!), but for now...just a huge praise to our faithful heavenly Father...and a big Thank You to Becki for all her hard work! There are more people to thank...and I'll be posting more soon!

I'd like to take a minute and ask you to pray for the seminars I will be giving throughout the day tomorrow at St. Rita's in Lima, Ohio. Please pray as I finish preparing... for safe travel, for a focused mind, and that the staff would be encouraged and the Lord would give me the words to say. Praying, too that the presentation would be helpful. Most of all...trying to focus on who the Lord is and seeing His plans and purposes fulfilled.

Thank you...

Dreams of You, Dreaming Big, and How You Can Sponsor a Family

You may have heard of the Dreams of You Memory Books we provide for grieving families who face the loss of a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death and other childhood illnesses.

You may have even received one of these beautiful books, with an antique leather bound-look binder format so it is easy to add or change the book to match a parent's unique beliefs, tastes, and wishes. It includes places for parents to journal the dreams they had for their baby, their journey of loss and healing, letters to baby, pages to record the baby's statistics, memorial service, baptism, footprints, mementos, etc. Also included are inspirational poems and comforting scripture from the Bible, as well as the author's personal story of loss, grief, hope and healing.

You may have heard how mothers and their older children have found Comfort in a soft, fleece bear. You may have held our Comfort Bear in your own arms as you ached for your sweet baby.

What you may not know, is that Sufficient Grace Ministries provides the Dreams of You Memory Book, Comfort Bears, and other materials FREE OF CHARGE TO ANY PARENT WHO COMES TO US. We do not charge families for our products and services and God has blessed our desire to continue to provide these services for grieving families.

In order to help cover the costs of the growing number of Dreams of You packages we are sending all over the country, we have developed a new sponsorship program. While several local hospitals provide our products for their patients (hospitals pay a suggested donation amount to cover the cost), we would like to get our Dreams of You products into the hands of hospitals all over the country! (O.K., maybe we're dreaming big, but we have a BIG God!) Many larger hospitals would like to offer the products, but lack the funding to make that possible. We have developed a way for those wishing to donate to "sponsor" hospitals, families, or a certain type of product. You can help by sponsoring, if you are able. Another way to help is if you are willing to show the Dreams of You Memory Book to your local hospital, and/or find sponsors in your area.

Please click here for more information about how you can sponsor. And, as always, if you are a grieving parent and would like to receive ANY of our products or services, please just email us and we will get you what you need. Our services and products are FREE to families. We also have a new address for orders, so if you are ordering a product, please email: sgm.shipping@gmail.com.

As we have grown to the point where we have sent Dreams of You packages all over the United States, some to Canada, and even one to Singapore, our needs continue to grow. In order to meet those needs, we are hosting several events for Operation Support Sufficient Grace 2010...our annual fundraiser season. Please prayerfully consider helping to support these events and/or spread the word on your blogs. And...you can also help us spread the word about the Dreams of You Memory Books. We want people to know we are here. We want to reach out to more families. So, please consider sharing here or on your own blog if you have been blessed by a Dreams of You Memory Book...or by Sufficient Grace. And, if you do share, please let us know.

To read more about the story of how the Dreams of You Memory Book and Comfort Bear came to be, please click here. Thank you so much for the continued support and prayers you have poured out on this ministry. You are such a blessing to us and to the families we serve!

Baby Sawyer is Home...and I Could Use Your Help

Just a quick post to say....

BABY SAWYER IS HOME!!!!!!!! He is still recovering and faces many hurdles ahead, but things are going pretty well for sweet Sawyer and his family. I spoke with his mama, my dear friend Nicki, last night. And, they are all so grateful to be home...so thankful for all of the prayers, so grateful to family, friends, and the amazing medical team...and so in awe of the miracle they have been part of, as their son went from frightening circumstances to being home in their arms. He still has some hurdles ahead of him. So, please keep praying. But, by all means...feel free to praise the One who has carried this sweet family and this precious boy...and join me in rejoicing with them and giving God the glory for this gift.

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In other news...there are a lot of events coming up for Sufficient Grace right now. (Please check the Coming Events page to find out how you can pray for these activities and/or offer your support.)

On May 27th, I will be presenting several seminars throughout the day to the staff at St. Rita's Hospital in Lima, Ohio. Please pray as I prepare for this..that God would give me the words...that it would be an encouragement to the staff, that it would be helpful in equipping them to better serve their patients...and that I would be a vessel of His love and grace...and a voice for the mothers who are grieving.

And...actually, I could use your help. If you are a parent who has lost a baby, and would like to offer your wisdom, experience, opinions, etc., please go to my blog frog and join the most recent discussion. I will be sharing about the things that caregivers/hospital staff can do that are helpful...and the things some of us have experienced that were harmful. (So that those things can be avoided.) Also, they are asking for suggestions on how they can make follow-up care less emotionally painful for grieving parents (waiting in the waiting room, communicating on records so that all staff know that there has been a loss, etc.) I have some ideas, but I would really appreciate your input.

Thank you so much!

I Will Carry You - Winners

Congratulations to the following winners of the I Will Carry You Giveaway. I just finished reading it, and it was beautifully-written, and full of hope. I will post more about Angie's book later.

But for now, the winners...according the random-thingy:

Missing You Always
Kristin

And the third book, donated by sweet Crystal in memory of her precious Calvin Phoenix...
Mattie

And...because sweet Kristin said I could pick another winner if she was chosen (she already has a copy), I said a prayer, punched in the random-number-thingy again, and chose:

Tonya

Some of you may have previously sent your address from other items we have shipped to you. But, if not, please email me the address where you would like to have your book sent.

Blessings to all...

Doritos and Red Pop

When I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They were always doing something fun...snowmobiling in the winter, fishing and camping in the summer. I loved their house in the country, surrounded with trees and an expansive yard full of birds and squirrels and other critters. I loved the huge family room, with the folding doors and brown and orange carpet, the old-school brick fireplace. I would curl up in Grandpa's recliner, snuggled into his lap and asking for the candy in his pockets. (I called him Pockets because of this! Even then, he knew the way to my heart!) We would watch Love Boat and Fantasy Island (you know..."De plane, de plane!) I loved the speckled counter-covered breakfast nook where Grandma would serve strawberries with sugar...and sometimes whipped cream. Loved the seventies green carpet in the front room. I was heart broken when they sold that house and moved to town.

Sigh...everything always changes.

Grandma and Grandpa had a camper at the lake. There was Chet's, where we went to the restroom in a place Grandma unaffectionately called "The Pits". That's exactly what they were...and you prayed you would not fall in. Shuddering at this memory...

O.K....moving on...

We would load up the blue and white boat, with all of our gear and snacks. I don't remember worrying about sunscreen or any of that. One thing was certain, once you went out on the boat, you were gone for the day. Grandma and Grandpa were serious about fishing and didn't come in until reaching their limit. What I remember the most about those hours on the boat is the taste of Doritos and Red Pop. My mother rarely purchased junk food...whether because of the expense or because she was very weight conscious. Probably a little of both. But, when we went on the boat, I relished the Doritos and Red Pop. I can remember the rocking back and forth rhythm as the boat floated along, I remember the wind and splashes of water as we crashed down over the waves speeding along to another fishing spot. I remember the triumph when I caught a Walleye. You wanted a Walleye or perch...never Sheephead. Grandma had another name for those, but I won't share it here! I would fish a little, play a little, nap a little, and would munch on Doritos and Red Pop. I'm sure there was other food, too. But, those are the two that felt like a special treat to me, and they still taste like summer.

Although, if you read this blog, you already know about my love affair with Doritos (I never met a Dorito I didn't like!), the sweet carbonated goodness of Red Pop hasn't graced my taste buds in years. But, this week, I bought some. I hesitated, wondering if my grown up taste buds (and digestive system) could handle it. Would it still be as good as I remember? I closed my eyes and washed down a few Doritos with a gulp of Red Pop. I smiled and nodded with satisfaction...it still tasted like summer. For a few minutes, I was seven and rocking along on Grandma and Grandpa's boat with the faint smell of lake and fish in the air and the sun on my face.

Sometimes, I long for simple times like that when all of life seemed filled with possibilities and everything was still ahead of me. There was nothing more required of me than to fish off the side of the boat and curl up in the lap of my Grandpa. Perhaps that is why the bible encourages us to have faith like a child. Nothing more is required of us than to follow our heavenly Father where He leads. And, to curl up into His lap when we are tired. Maybe it really is still that simple.

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P.S. It's not too late to enter the Mother's Day giveaway to win one of three copies of the book I Will Carry You. Also, please help us spread the word about Operation Support Sufficient Grace 2010!

Operation Support Sufficient Grace 2010

We are, once again, kicking off our fundraiser season at Sufficient Grace Ministries. Most of you know this is not my favorite part of ministry, but it is necessary, and as we learned last year....God, our faithful and abundant Provider, loves to mulitply the blessings when He uses the generosity of His people to fulfill His plans and purposes.

Much has changed since last year's fundraiser season. MckMama's generosity and support sparked many others to give to this worthy cause and also helped spread the word that we are here to offer comfort and hope and to walk with grieving hearts in need.

Since last summer, we have shipped about two hundred packages filled with Dreams of You Memory Books, Comfort Bears, and/or other items to offer comfort to grieving parents all over the United States, some to Canada, and one to Singapore!(Thank you, thank you, thank you...to those of you who helped to make that possible!!)

While we currently list a suggested donation amount for our products (for hospitals and others who wish to provide these materials to their patients/clients.)...most of those items were given away freely to the families who approached us with a need. We never charge families for our products and services. To make the Dreams of You items even more accessible to families, we are going to be making some changes soon. We would love to supply more hospitals with these comforting materials so that families can receive them immediately. Many large hospitals cannot afford to supply the quantities needed (And we do ask the hospitals to pay the donation if able. This helps us give away more books to families.) So, we are planning to reconstruct our current setup and ask for sponsorship donations to help cover the costs. Anyone who wishes can sponsor a family (or more than one family!). It is our goal to continue to offer these services for free, but as we grow, we need a plan to help cover the cost. (And...we believe this is the one God is laying on our hearts as we prayerfully seek Him.) There will be more details soon, but for now...please pray as we continue to look to Him. And, please prayerfully consider sponsoring the costs for a family if you are able. Stay tuned for details.

Last July, we began an online support group, called Walking With You, to encourage grieving mothers. We wanted them to know that there is hope in the Lord, and that they are not walking this difficult path alone. We've also visited several hospitals, a few churches, women's groups, and even appeared on a television show to help spread the word and share our mission.

Generous hearts have given financially. Others have offered their time and talent to sew burial gowns and make beautiful bracelets to bless these mothers and honor their babies. Others have encouraged us with their words and sustained us with their prayers. God has faithfully cared for and guided every step of this ministry. He is working mightily through His people, and we are so grateful. Thank you for your part in this.

And now...Operation Support Sufficient Grace 2010


Whether you are able to attend these events, give a donation to support Sufficient Grace, or have your own ideas to help raise support...please prayerfully consider helping us to spread the word on your blogs and other avenues of communication. And, please keep these events and the outreaches of this ministry in prayer.

Sunday, May 23, 2010 Ice Cream social to benefit Sufficient Grace Ministries at Harvest Fellowship Church, Hamler, Ohio from 12:00-2:00pm. We will offer a picnic-type lunch of hot dogs, baked beans, chips and ice cream w/toppings for dessert. Free will offering...proceeds will benefit the outreaches of SGM.

Saturday June 19, 2010 ~ Save the date for the Sufficient Grace Ministries Golf Outing 2010 at Country Acres Golf Club in Kalida, Ohio ~ Shotgun start at 2:00pm

1. Form a four person team ~ $200/team ($50 ea.). Price includes 18 holes of golf,
cart, and dinner.
2. Sponsor a hole for $100 or share a sponsorship for $50. (Your name or business will appear on a Hole sign at the event.)
3. Donate a door prize, or a donation in any amount.
4. Become a dinner sponsor for $250.
6. Sponsor Beverages for $150 (non-alcoholic, of course!)
7. Pray for this event and the outreaches of this ministry.

Please join us for this family friendly golf scramble fundraiser to help support the outreaches of Sufficient Grace Ministries. Your support helps us provide:

*Bereavement support for grieving families.
*Memory-making materials for parents.
*Hospital seminars encouraging compassionate care.
*Biblical encouragement and hope for women.

For more information visit: www.sufficientgrace.net
Contact: Kelly Gerken ~ sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com

There will be a Ride for Grace Bike Run in August, hosted by Dave Amspoker. Details to come.

Thank you so much for your continued support...and please keep Operation Support Sufficient Grace and all of the other outreaches of this ministry in prayer.


Read about other events coming up in May, including the next Helping Hands/Comfort Bear making day and a hospitals seminar I will be offering at St. Rita's in Lima by clicking on the Coming Events page.

A Mother's Day Giveaway ~ I Will Carry You

UPDATED: We were giving away 2 copies of I Will Carry You. But, sweet Crystal has offered to donate a third copy in memory of her son, Calvin Phoenix... so that we can bless 3 mamas this week! Thanks Crystal! =)
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Original Post:

Love and prayers for all the mamas on this Mother's Day...

...to the moms whose own mothers are dancing in heaven.

...to the moms whose babies are in heaven.

...to the moms with diapers to change.

...to the moms with carpool to drive.

...to the moms with an empty nest, and to those whose nest is full.

...to the moms praying wearily next to a hospital bed.

...to the moms praying for their soldier to return home safely.

...to the hearts longing for motherhood.

...to the stay-at-home moms.

...the working moms.

to all the beautiful moms.

...we salute you and pray God's blessings for you this Mother's Day!

We're giving away two copies of sweet mama, Angie Smith's book, I Will Carry You to bless two mothers this week. To enter, just leave a comment on this post.

And...if you haven't read about our weekend at Women of Faith and the testimony of Stephen Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman, I encourage you to take a minute to read their encouraging words of hope. Click here.

Mary Beth Chapman ~ Part Two

Continued from Part One of my account of Mary Beth Chapman speaking at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio. (Click here to read Part One.)

We waited, literally on the edge of our seats for her words. She looked down at her papers and sipped her water. There were some light-hearted quips about her sweet husband...little windows into life in the Chapman family. Then, she delved into her story and we were captivated.

She spoke of wrestling with God...

"I've always had a plan," she began, as she described her type A personality and her need for control. "But, there were so many plot twists...my plan had to go out the window."

She wanted to marry someone who was predictable, a planner with a schedule...maybe an accountant. Instead, she fell in love with a "guitar-playing, mullet-wearing, song-writing musician" named Stephen Curtis Chapman. The only thing they had in common was being in love and sharing the same last name. His glass is always half full...where hers is always half empty. Her family believed practical jokes were a love language. Stephen thinks practical jokes are "vandalism"! (That one really made me smile, because my husband is the same way. And, I know how ornery he was as a kid. So, it really makes me laugh that he is so strict about things like "toilet-papering". He won't allow our kids to do it! My mother went toilet-papering with me when I was in Jr. High...and even fell out of a tree and cut her leg when we were almost caught! Oops...did I just blog that?!)

She went on...

"God was writing His story all along and I was trying my best to control it."

As his career grew, she struggled with feeling even more out of control of their circumstances and their lives. She shared of her battle with clinical depression, an ongoing battle that forces her to draw near to Jesus.

Her words:

"(It) daily drives us to Jesus, the Healer of all pain in all ways."

Oh...what desperately beautiful words of hope and truth. He is the Healer of ALL pain...in ALL ways. He is faithful.

When she spoke of adopting their daughters from China, her words were so fitting...such a picture of the rescue that we ourselves have received.

She said...

"For the first time, I realized what Jesus did for us on the cross..."

"She had no name, no hope...We came and gave her a family, an inheritance."

Jesus came and did the same for us. "He told us, He would not leave us orphans."

And...He kept that promise.

Then...on May 21, 2008...

"God wrote a chapter in our lives that nobody wanted..."

She courageously and with raw honesty spoke the words that every mother can understand...

"As a mom, I would choose to have Maria back over all the lives this story has touched."

Tears streamed down my face as I nodded. We know. We know what she means. We know what it is to see God make beauty from ashes...to even understand how He has given us so much from walking that path. How He has touched so many lives because they lived on this Earth. But, we didn't choose it. And had we been given the choice to offer comfort to others or to watch our children grow up, we would choose to have them here with us. He sees the beginning from the end. We do not. And, we are mothers, after all.

Mothers...just like Mary Beth...who was busily living life when this storm swept in without warning.

And, then...these words from her mother-heart...

"I miss her with all the miss that there could be in the world."

Yeah...
They were living life...planning weddings and graduations...busily preparing. One day they were planning a wedding for one child, and the next, a funeral for their little girl.

"Satan surely came calling for the Chapman family...Satan didn't win. He won't win."

Her voice rose slightly with firm resolve as she said those words.

Life continued on with it's relentless pace...oblivious to the attack that had pummelled their lives. Their son sang at his graduation in the very same place where he had attended the funeral of his sister the day before.

They were initiated into the "fellowship of suffering".

Days into this new journey one of their children asked,

"Why is it so hard?"

Mary Beth answered, "Because God has asked us to do hard."

"We have chosen to see that God is in all of this...Can we choose to see God in the good and in the pain?"

She talked about Maria's Big Hope...about the promise that out of these ashes, beauty will rise.

As the days wore on, they were wanting desperately to "see" God's hand in all of this. The children found a drawing that Maria Sue had been working on. It was a flower with six petals...only one was colored in fully. To Mary Beth, that one represented her daughter...the only one of her six children who was completely full, healed, and home.

On the back of the drawing was one simple word...a word Maria Sue had never written before.

In big, unmistakably bold, capital letters the word...

SEE

They knew...

"God was with us...He has a plan for us."

She said so much more. Some of the most poignant and hope-filled words were lost in the frenzy as I frantically scrawled her words in my little green notebook in the dark. I desperately wanted to share the gift of those moments with you. She was speaking quickly at the end, conscious that time was running out. We could have listened to her all night. We sat captivated. She mentioned something about "we who are sufferers are invited...to a special place close to God's heart." She said it so much more eloquently, and I lost some of her words. They were words of faith and hope from a women who has been through the fires of desperate grief.

I will leave you with these simple words from Mary Beth...words of hope and truth.

"God is good even when life is not."

Stephen Curtis met her on the steps as she descended and he embraced her, his eyes still damp from the tears he shed, as she recounted their journey of beauty rising from ashes. With unabashed pride and love, he acknowledged the incredible courage she displayed...taking that stage to share such sacred pieces of brokenness and healing with all of us. We knew. We knew we had witnessed such intimacy from two people who have walked in the ruins and beheld the ashes of their lives.

Stephen bit back the tears several more times as he began singing the promise...

"Out of these ashes...beauty will rise..."

It's rising, sweet Chapman family...in all of it's heart-wrenching splendor...beauty is rising from the ashes. It is a glorious sight to behold...and one of extreme hope. Thank you for allowing us to see it...to hear it...to walk this path with you. And, thank you for your faithfulness as you continue to cling the One who carries you...the One who dances with you among the ruins.

Yes...

God is good, even when life is not.

Sandi Patty, Stephen Curtis, Mary Beth, and more....Part One

As you've heard if you've been remotely near this blog recently, I spent an amazing weekend of renewal and encouragement at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus with some wonderful blog and in real-life friends. I've been meaning to write about the speakers, and in particular...Mary Beth Chapman.

As thousands of women poured into Nationwide Stadium, I reflected on the ways that God had blessed our time in Columbus. Two girls bopping around the city, not really knowing their way around. He had been our guide, parting seas of traffic to smooth the path before us, setting up divine appointments with soft-hearted chaplains who genuinely cared about grieving families, and leading us to just the right hospital (one we weren't planning to go to) when we "lost our way" for a moment. It seems we thought we were lost, but we were on His path all along. I smiled as I thought of how He mulitiplied the three tickets we purchased, and how several beautiful women of faith who otherwise would not have, gathered together to find refreshment and encouragement last weekend.

The lights dimmed and the worship team took the stage. Thousands of voices joined as one to praise their Father. Sweet Jennilee sat to my right and Becki to my left.

Soon Anita Renfroe, hysterical and quite gifted in "breaking the ice" had us all laughing deep belly laughs until tears filled our eyes. Oh, that girl is seventy kinds of funny! Love her...

While Mandisa sat wrapped in her Snuggi on the "porch", Sandi Patty took the stage and melted us with the beauty of her indescribably phenomenal voice. There are no words that could do it justice. Hearing Sandi sing is like getting a specially-wrapped gift straight from heaven. Perhaps in heaven everyone will sound like Sandi...wouldn't that be something? I think I could listen to her for eternity.

Sandi shared about her battle with her weight. I loved when she said that she released seventy-five pounds...because if you lose something you intend to get it back!


She spoke of a time when she was rejected by Disney to work as one of their singers, because of her weight...

She said that it was devastating.

She thought she stood on the edge of a dream.

Then she felt that she was on the edge of disaster.

She later realized that she was on the edge of the divine.

...where grace begins...

Soon after that time, she had the opportunity to tour with the Gaithers and there she learned many things that have taken her to where she is today.

Later, she shared a time when she struggled with feeling like she would never be enough...

Moms, wives, women on planet earth...have you ever felt that way? Ever felt like you could never be enough? Can I get an amen, sister?!

She told how the Lord revealed to her this message:

"You are enough for Me and I am enough for you..."

And, she said, "We are worthy of His love...we are enough..."

Because of Jesus, we are worthy and we are enough...

What I love the most about Sandi's message, though is how she referred to the time when she started to work on losing weight as "peeling back the layers"...what a woman after my own heart. She gets it. You know, for those of us comfort eaters...it is a "peeling back the layers" process. And, what's underneath isn't pretty! At least not all of it...O.K., most of it!!

---------

Next, that little spitfire, Patsy Clairmont stepped on to the stage. Did you know that Patsy once battled (and still does at times) agoraphobia? Patsy's son battled a life-threatening case of H1N1 this past year. I'd love to go into detail, but I'll just give you the gist of her message. I know you are all waiting to hear about Mary Beth and Stephen...and I have a lot to say about that.

Patsy said...

Prayer matters...
Love matters...
People matter...
Recovery is a process...
Never give up...

"Sometimes change is good." And when circumstances change and we resist...thinking they look a certain way, reacting in fear and hesitation....as in her journey with her son's illness and recovery...ask...as the Lord whispered to her heart...

"What if this change is for good?"

I like that...and I love you, Patsy...

Oh...one more thing Patsy said, when talking about feeling protective of our families. You know how it is when you are in the hospital with a loved one and you're not sure about the choices they're making?

She said...

"We gals can rise up mighty when it comes to our people!"

Yes, we can, Miss Patsy...yes, we can! =)

-------------------

Stephen Curtis Chapman took the stage...



We held our breath...



He sang..."Sink or swim, I'm diving in..."

He sang the words, and we knew he meant every nuance. We knew that when the river's high, the water's deep...He was going in, trusting God whether He would sink or swim...

We know where He has walked...

Before he sang a heart-wrenching "Butterfly Kisses", he said...

"I can sing this song because I am going to sing and dance again with my princess, my Cinderella..."

He spoke of his Maria Sue who went to be with Jesus on May 21, 2008 after a tragic accident. She was five years old.

More of Stephen's words of hope...

"...we anchor ourselves to the hope of the gospel..."

"God is going to make everything new...take that hope and promise to this moment...live with hope and purpose...anchor ourselves to Him. Our future is so far greater than our short past....

I will continue to sing until I get to dance with her again..."

The sea of grief is relentless. Many of you know that. Many of you are being tossed about mercilessly as we speak...helpless in the clutches of the storm. People can talk of hope...of the promises of Jesus. But, those words coming from this father...who has lived this pain and experienced the hope of that anchor as he clutches onto it for dear life while the sea roars around him.

Him, we listen to. We know he knows of that which he speaks. He knows it in an intensely real way.

Watching him, was faith and courage in action. I watched as he bit his lip several times to fight back the tears. The beauty and the brokenness were woven into his eyes, lilting forth in the sound of his beautiful voice, pouring through the haunting words promising that indeed, beauty will rise from these ashes. His unabashed love for his wife, his children, his Savior shining, nay...oozing out of every core of his being.

It was like beholding rising beauty.

With pride (and humility, too), he teared up as he introduced his wife Mary Beth.

Again, we held our breath, knowing that we were being given a precious gift. This was the first time sweet Mary Beth had taken the Women of Faith stage and shared the most tender pieces of her heart. What an unimaginable privilege that we could be invited into such a sacred place. For it is an incredible gift to be allowed to walk with a grieving heart...to hear the testimonies of God's grace in the valley of the shadow of death.

She tenderly made her way to the stage. Her eyes drawn with grief, her body still carrying the weight of sorrow on her tiny frame, she displayed more courage than I have the words to convey. She stood in the middle of the stadium shuffling her papers in her shaking hands, taking a moment to get her voice. We embraced her with every fiber of our hearts.

When she hesitated, tearing up for a moment...words of encouragement were shouted from various parts of the filled stadium.

"We love you, Mary Beth...."

And, we cried with her...

She found her voice, though...and beauty rose. Beauty, courage, strength, faith, hope. Those aren't just words...not when you are beholding one who stands in the very grip of His grace. Nothing is more real.

More on what Mary Beth said coming soon in another post...


To be continued...

Mystery Blogger Revealed

I didn't intend to wait this long to tell you who attended Women of Faith with us on Saturday. But, I've been hanging out with my family and working, and you know...life stuff...for the past couple days. Plus, it's ridiculously beautiful out, which is why this will be another quick post. Posts on SCC and Mary Beth and the others will be coming soon.

Sooooooo,

Would you like to know who the mystery blogger was?


A few of you guessed Holly....




Holly did attend the conference on Friday, but she wasn't the mystery blogger.

Some mentioned Stephanie Gerken, the original winner of the ticket...



Sweet Stephanie (mama to Chloe Joy, Ella Faith, and six other beautiful children) was there on Saturday, along with her beautiful mother, Cookie, (who was my fourth grade teacher, an amazing teacher I have had the privilege of working with in my current job, and one of the women of faith in my own life.) Cookie wouldn't let me take her picture, though! =)

While approaching Nationwide Arena...




I saw, much to my surprise, among the throngs of some 30,000 (or so) women...Tim's gorgeous aunt Susan! Although, her presence was a surprise, she wasn't the mystery, either.




It was the lovely and adorable, Jennilee!



At the last minute, I emailed Jennilee that there was an extra ticket. Stephanie received a surprise additional ticket to attend with her mother. This freed the ticket we had purchased for her. So, it was re-offered here. And, sweet Jennilee arranged her schedule so that she could attend the conference with us on Saturday! It was so nice to meet her in person and give her a big hug.

Jennilee said, "I feel like I know you already!"

I felt the same way...

A couple years ago, I never would have believed I could feel that way about someone I met online. But, this crazy blog thing we do makes us feel like friends, even before we meet. And, I suppose it isn't just the blogging that knits us together. For some, it is the common bond of motherhood. For others it is walking with one another through life, and through loss. For still others, it is one of the closest bonds...belonging to the body of Christ...sharing a sisterhood in Him.

I'm so grateful you juggled your schedule to meet with us, Jennilee. It was such a blessing to spend the day with you on Saturday! Holly, Becki, and I are already talking about getting together next year and attending both days. Maybe you and some others can join us for that!



-------

While several of you guessed correctly, Kristi was the first to guess Jennilee. So, she is the winner! Kristi...email me your address and I'll send you your Women of Faith tote full of goodies! Thank you to those who played along!

I couldn't find her blog to link up, but here is her comment:

Kristi said...
Jenilee?

May 2, 2010 7:52 PM
---

In other news, this post from Stephanie, (Vayden's mama) just blessed my heart. Love and prayers for you, sweet Stephanie...

Guess the Mystery Blogger and Win - Women of Faith Tote Giveaway

The Women of Faith conference was amazing! I took extensive notes and cannot wait to share all about it. But, I need to hang out with my people. I thought I'd give you a little teaser...just a couple pics and a little guessing game.


Becki and I were so excited as we were getting ready to leave on our little adventure Friday morning...





After meeting with four hospitals in the Columbus area, having a lovely conversation with Claire at Mount Carmel West, and leaving brochures and Dreams of You Memory Books with each, we met up with Holly and her sweet cousin Amber to eat some heavenly cheesecake at....

(Cue Hallelujah Chorus...)








Yes..yes, we did take pictures of our cheesecake...such bloggers!



We loved this cool telephone booth in the middle of Easton..

.

It was a little windy, though...




O.K....I know that you're wondering about Women of Faith, and many are wanting to know about Mary Beth and Stephen Curtis Chapman. I took extensive notes and can't wait to share them with you. It was amazing and just such a privilege to be there the first time she shared her journey on the Women of Faith stage. I promise to blog about all of it, soon.

But, first a little guessing game with a prize for the winner!!!

If you would like to win this adorable tote....



...filled with these goodies from the Women of Faith conference...



Then guess the mystery blogger who met us on Saturday to attend the Women of Faith conference...


(Those of you who were there and know the answer are not allowed to participate...and you know who you are!)

Leave your guess in the comments below....first to guess correctly wins the tote full of encouraging goodies!