Coming to You Live From Columbus...

We are in Columbus, and it's been a gorgeous whirlwind of a day. We did not actually make it to the Women of Faith conference today, but plan on attending tomorrow. Holly and her cousin Amber went in our place today. While they were at the conference, Becki and I visited four hospitals in the Columbus area to share about Sufficient Grace. Then we all met up for supper at...the Cheesecake Factory. There are no words to describe the wonder of that cheesecake. I felt as if I were being lifted to another place as it melted in my mouth. Honestly...I was rendered speechless. I can't upload pics from the hotel because I forgot the cord I need in order to upload to this computer.

So, unfortunately, you'll have to wait until I get home for pictures. But, we took plenty...even of our cheesecake.

Stephanie is here, too...and we are hoping to meet up with her sometime tomorrow. Also...a mystery guest will hopefully join us.

Tomorrow morning, Becki and I will be attending the Women of Faith conference for the day. Rest assured, I will be taking extensive notes and blogging about the events later on...especially when Stephen Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman take the stage.

Another Sawyer Update before I sign off:

Sawyer is doing well. They hope to take him off the vent tomorrow and move him to an intermediate unit. There are still some concerns with his kidneys and a few other issues. So, please keep praying. For now, we rejoice over this good news...thank you for praying for this sweet boy.

Loose ends, Sawyer update, and Dreams of her...

I'm getting ready to go to the Women of Faith Conference in a little bit. Just to give you a little window into the willy-nilliness of my life, I'm still not packed. That's just how I roll. And, at 5:52am, I'm not even going to apologize. I will say, though, that I do admire all of you who are organized and together. It's a beautiful quality. Unfortunately, I am wired differently. I won't say that isn't a challenge for my very organized and structured husband at times...but God gives us both sufficient grace. He is faithful like that.

If you're wondering who is claiming the ticket I announced was still available (through a series of twists and events) yesterday, you'll just have to keep wondering. If all goes as planned, there will be some pictures to share....maybe even a plethora of pictures. And the mystery will be solved. I'm sure all two of you out there in blogland are just on the edge of your seats waiting to know who will come to Women of Faith with us! Don't worry...all will soon be revealed. =)

I don't know about all of you, but whenever I'm going somewhere, I feel like I have to tie up all the loose ends in my life before I go. (Not that it ever happens...it's just what I want to happen!) As if being gone for less than 48 hours is going to cause some sort of irreparable havoc in my life. So, for some reason, while I am yet unpacked, just hours from our departure, it seems necessary to write a blog post. The craziness of the way my mind works...aye, aye, aye!

So...some bloggy loose ends...completely unrelated to one another...

If you've been praying for baby Sawyer, thank you so much. Please scroll down to previous posts if you don't know Sawyer's situation...just not feeling the Linky this morning. Yes, I'm aware that typing all these words to explain not linking is probably more work than clicking around to do the linking...again, how I roll. At least this morning.

Sawyer did have the procedure to close up the opening left from his open heart surgery, yesterday. The last update was the procedure was a success and one little hurdle in this situation of seemingly endless hurdles is behind him. Please continue to pray for this sweet baby and his family as he heals and faces the next hurdle. (His mama is one of my best friends.)

Speaking of best friends, I'm feeling a little Steel Magnolias-ish this morning. You know, what with getting ready to meet up with some women of faith in my life and worship with about 40,000 other women of faith. And, as I think of the beautiful women of faith I'm going to meet, thoughts inevitably drift to my own mother, a place my mind goes often in a day's time.

I long to hear her sweet laugh and see her smile...the one that dances in her eyes and warms the whole room. I won't lie. My mama was a feisty gal. And, she and I didn't always see eye-to-eye. I'll be the first to admit that I spent most of her life missing out on all the gifts she had to offer. God did redeem all that was broken between us in the last years of her life. But, I have many regrets over the gifts I missed...the gifts she offered the world. I know when someone leaves us, we often only hold on to the good. But as time goes by, I don't see anything wrong with only seeing the good in those we love. Maybe, we should do it more with those who are still with us. I think I kind of like that, and I'm going to embrace it. Actually, I think it's a biblical concept even...check out I Corinthians 13.

Anyway, I miss my mother with a missing that I cannot convey with words. Even when I dream of her, my missing comes out. The ache is so acutely with me that sometimes I am taken aback by it's strength. My dreams of her have not always been a comfort. So much about the suffering at the end of her life remains unsettled in my psyche. And, I suppose it's all trying to work itself out in dreamland where I can't push it back down under the layers where I'd like it to stay. Dreams render you helpless like that.

I won't get into details here about all of those dreams, but I do want to share about the last one. To tell you the truth, most of them I'd rather not relive.

One of the things I long for the most is to just stand in the kitchen with her, or the laundry room while she does ordinary things and we chat like mothers and daughters do. Many of you are mothers aching for your children. I share that ache with you...those dreams for all that could have been. This ache is different. It is for all that was and all that could have been. I never dream of my babies, although I wish I could. It seems it would be a comfort to feel them in my arms, even if just in dreamland.

So, I was delighted when in this dream, I was allowed to do one of the things I long for most. As always, there was a little bit of reality in the dream. The reality is that my mother's house will be going up for sale soon. So, in dreamland, my stepfather was packing their things in the other room. I was in the kitchen feeling the usual weight in my chest. And, I looked up and saw her standing at the kitchen counter, wiping the crumbs. (She hated clutter and a crumby counter.) She was smiling and in no hurry at all.

"Mom, you're here!" I ran to her and hugged her tight, something I did too rarely in real life. The questions followed of "where have you been" and "I've missed you" and "There's so much going on". Some part of me in the dream understands that she has been gone...that she has died, even as I'm talking to her. I didn't dwell much on that this time. This time was different. I laughed with her in the kitchen, as they packed her life away in the other room. I laughed with her as she sat at the kitchen table laughing with her grandchildren and doing some craft. I laughed with her while she was in the laundry room. (She really had a thing about laundry. She hated to get behind and was meticulous about the way it was done. I did not inherit this trait, much to my family's chagrin.)

In many of my dreams, there is little comfort as I work out all that I didn't know was inside me. But, in this dream, as we stood in the kitchen and I prepared to apologize again, as if I could somehow have prevented all that happened, she put her hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes and said the words I must be longing to hear...

"This is not your fault."

She hugged me and I inhaled the smell of vanilla and Tide, drinking in the beauty of her face and the feel of her arms around me, knowing even in my dream state that our time was short. Peace settled in my heart and I awoke with her memory still hanging in the air. It felt as if I did spend time with her. And, I was grateful, even if it was only a dream. Oh, the glory that will be revealed one day when I'll never have to wake up from that dream as we laugh with those we love in heaven's glory.

O.K....now that I got that off my chest...I really do need to pack! We will be visiting hospitals in Columbus today to give them some information about Sufficient Grace. Please pray that God will open doors and that we will find favor and make the appropriate contacts. And, please pray for God's protection and all the other loose ends as we march forth.

For now, I'm off to get my Women of Faith on!

Love to all...

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A Last Minute Women of Faith Giveaway....ENTER FAST

This is very last minute and a little crazy, but I find myself, through a series of events, to have an extra Women of Faith ticket for this weekend's Over the Top conference in Columbus, Ohio (April 30th-May1st).

I thought about offering it to those who entered the last Women of Faith giveaway, but I'm not sure if they are still available to go at the last minute. I still may notify each. But, I've decided to open it up to a giveaway post. I will need to know ASAP if you can go. If not, I'll start talking to some in real life friends, because I'd hate to see this ticket go to waste.

It sure would be fun to meet some of you in person, though! And, we are having dinner on Friday at The Cheesecake Factory! So...come to meet me, come to meet Holly...or come for the cheesecake....but please, just come!

Leave a comment here to enter...

UPDATED: Baby Sawyer Update ~ Women of Faith ~ and other stuff on my mind...

TUESDAY NIGHT UPDATE: PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR SAWYER: Baby Sawyer has another hurdle, a condition called Chyle and there are also some concerns about infection. Doctors are working to give him double-dose diuretics to reduce fluid so that he can have surgery tomorrow to clean out his chest, and close his heart surgery opening. Please pray for all of the details and that God would protect from infection, further complications and that He would guide the hands of the surgeons. Thank you for your continued prayers for this sweet baby who has had to fight so hard...
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Original post:
Baby Sawyer's chest remains open from his heart surgery performed last Thursday. He has been retaining excess fluid, which needs to dissipate before the doctors can proceed and close him back up. Then there are some other concerns (including a possible kidney blockage) they will work on. Doctors say that it will be Wednesday or maybe even later before they can consider closing his chest. Please keep Sawyer in prayer. (Sawyer was born on April 16, 2010 and had open heart surgery less than a week later to repair TGA (transposition of the great arteries), a heart condition that is fatal without treatment.) His mother, Nicki, is one of my best friends from high school. My heart is heavy for this family, and we covet your prayers for them....

Thank you to those of you who have been praying. I have no doubt that he and this family are being carried by those prayers and by the arms of our mighty God.

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Women of Faith is coming up this weekend...and I am so excited!!! Becki and I will be travelling to Columbus...and so will Holly and some other friends of ours. If you are going to be in the area, we would love to meet you for supper on Friday evening (or actually afternoon).

If you are going to Women of Faith in Columbus on April 30-May 1st, or if you are just going to be in the Columbus area and want to meet us for supper, please let us know! We'd love to meet you.

We will be at the Cheesecake Factory at Easton at 4:30pm for an early supper. Come to meet us...or come to meet Holly...or come for the cheesecake. We don't care why...just come! And, let us know if you plan to attend, so we can ask for a table for the right amount of people!

I am planning on taking lots of pictures...and I'm sure Holly-girl will too. You know, hers are always better than mine! Maybe we can even blog from the hotel! Also...you never know, I might even bring home a souvenir to give away. So stay tuned!
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If you've been wondering how I'm doing with my peeling back the layers project (as if you have nothing else going on!), I'll tell you. Big sigh....

Sadly, I've crawled back under my layers and retreated. I wish I could tell you I've claimed victory and cast off the layers (or shackles, if you will). But, it's been a one step forward, two steps back kind of thing. I'm admitting this for the sake of honesty and accountability. You know, knowing the truth and being set free doesn't mean that we don't sometimes struggle. Sometimes, we don't walk in the freedom we've been given. I'm no exception.

The thing about our gracious God, though, is that "His mercies are new every morning...His compassions fail not"...and "great is His faithfulness". When I am faithless, He is faithful. When I reach for the Doritos, He remains steadfast. He doesn't give up on me, even when I'm shrinking in the face of the struggle before me. He remains with outstretched arms, offering me strength and victory...if I will only take it. Like the prisoners whose prison walls have fallen down, whose shackles have been loosed...I only have to take the step...to walk out of the prison and embrace the freedom. Yet, I have retreated, feeling more comfortable in the prison...or beneath my layers, away from feelings that are painful to explore.

I have said many times that the only way out is through...whether it is grief from loss, illness, death, disappointments, unmet expectations, abandonment. Whatever the cause, the only way out from the pit or the layers, or the prison...is to walk through the pain and sorrow. To recognize it, experience it, and release it to the care of our loving God who is able to heal our pain and take the sorrow upon Himself. He longs to wipe our tears, if we let Him. He longs to comfort us in all our tribulation so that we may comfort others with the comfort He gives. He longs to make us into a new creation....to complete the good work that He begins in us...and to see us flying free from all that entangles us, keeping us from being the people He created us to be.

So...here I am again. Ready to let Him work, praying for strength to resist the desire to retreat under my layers, and trusting Him to complete the good work He has begun in me. It's really not about the food anyway. It's about going to something other than the Lord for comfort. He is my comforter...and He is all that I need.
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O.K...so there are some other things I'd like to share soon. I love watching the Lord work! And, He is definitely working. But, it's getting late...so those posts will have to wait. (I know you're just on pins and needles! ha-ha... =)

Lesson 9 ~ Threads of Hope ~ Finding Joy

This will be the last post in the Threads of Hope Bible Study series. Thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to walk through this study with us. I know some found it comforting and some did not enjoy it. But, I appreciate your willingness to try it out. We will be taking a little break from Walking With You, and I have a few ideas that I'll share soon. If you have a need in the mean time, please feel free to email me.

Joy is a feeling that follows a choice. Our joy comes not as a result of circumstances or events, but by choosing to trust God no matter what the circumstances. ~ Threads of Hope

Some of my favorite scriptures are in this lesson...verses that have carried me through dark valleys, moments of brokenness and doubt....despair and hurt. I am so excited to share and reassured as I read them again tonight. Oh, God's faithfulness astounds me. There really are no words. I'm so glad we get to talk about finding joy this week.

In Ezra, we see the new temple being built. The young priests sang praise at the sight of the new temple...they rejoiced over the restoration, the hope for the future, rejoiced that God was doing a new thing. The elders who had witnessed the glory wept as they saw the new temple. They felt the sorrow for what had been, for what was destroyed. I imagine their tears were bittersweet...mixed with the pain of what was lost and the hope of what was being built and restored before them.

Where am I? Do I see what was lost or the hope of a new city?

The honest answer is: I am in both places. Most of the time, I feel hope and joy and I see the new thing that God is building and the beauty of what He has already built. But, sometimes, I feel moments of broken-heartedness over what was lost and what may have been. Those moments wash over me at will. And, it's not a place I try to dwell, but they do come.

When they come, I try to remember that a New City waits for me. Even as God does a new thing in my life right now, the ultimate renewal and restoration is still ahead and waits for me in Heaven's glory. For that promise, I am so grateful.

The study asks "How can I praise God when I am still so hurt?" and directs us to Psalm 137, which asks, "How can we sing the Lord's song in a foreign land?"

Good question...and the answer, while may sound simple, I realize, at times, it is not. Last week, we talked about how one feels when in the pit. And, as I read through so many blogs of mothers who are now in that place of thick grief, I realize it's important to be sensitive to the fact that there is little that brings comfort in that place. And, even words of hope and truth can sting. Does that mean we stop offering hope? I don't think so. But, what we offer must be clothed in grace and love.

With that said...let's talk about praise and joy...

We praise God for who He is. No matter where we are, or what our circumstances, He never changes and He is always worthy of our praise. Grief is a foreign land. It's a land where we may feel moments of hopelessness and abandonment, of desperation and brokenness. But, even in that place, He is worthy of our praise. Even when we don't feel like it. Even if our praise in that moment when we are too weak to lift our heads...even in that moment is barely a whisper of His name...it is good to give Him praise. And, somehow that I can't really fully explain, praise brings us comfort, too.

Do we always feel joyful and happy?

No.

Shouldn't we wait until we do to give Him praise?

No...the praise comes first... The joy usually follows.

And now...my favorite part...the proof that there is always hope in Him.

Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Not it shall bring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will make road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
Is. 43:18-19

We will never forget our babies, and I don't think this verse is included to intend that. But, we can forget our hopelessness. We can let go of that pain and embrace the new thing that God offers us...a future of hope. He is able to make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. He can bring life...even from death. He can use what was meant for evil, to bring good. He can make beauty from ashes. He can, and He will.

As far as forgetting...does God forget our babies or expect us to?

Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
~Is. 49:15-16

God knows how a mother would never forget her baby...but says even if she would...He will not! And, He certainly doesn't expect us to forget.

So back to the new things God offers...what are they?

Lamentations 3 tells us that God offers us new mercies every morning...His compassion never fails...and great is His faithfulness.

2 Corinthians promises that we are a new creation in Jesus.


I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth
Praise be to our God...

Psalm 40:1-3

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You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord, my God, I will give thanks forever.

Psalm 30:11-12

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Those who sow in tears
Shall reap with songs of joy...

Psalm 126:5

You know...if you are struggling to find something to be thankful for...struggling to find the strength to give Him praise...take a moment and remember what He has already done, and who He is! I love to remember what God has done in my life and what He is already doing. It's hard to see all of that when you are in the pit. I know that, but He is still there. Even when we cannot see, He is working to turn our tears to joy. And, oh...what a beautiful song it is.

God has comforted me in so many ways. In the darkest moments, He comforted and strengthened me with His word. More recently, He has restored brokenness in my marriage, giving us a deep abiding love that has been tested by fire. He has shown me that His grace is sufficient, that He will never leave me, nor forsake me, that He is faithful...He is all that He says He is. He has blessed me with the privilege of being a mother to all my children...those on this earth, and those in Heaven. He has taught me about the kind of faith that grows in the pit of grief. And, He has blessed me with this ministry, offering comfort and hope to others walking this path. I could go on and on about the new song that He has put in my heart.

Great is His faithfulness....

Now may the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~ Romans 15:13


Please link up and take some time to encourage and walk with one another...

Love and Prayers for all...




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Final Threads of Hope ~Walking With You...

We will post the final Threads of Hope ~ Walking With You next Thursday, April 29, 2010. Several people have expressed feeling behind and needing some time to catch up. So, it seems best to give it an extra week. Thank you so much for your willingness to walk with one another and share your hearts, and thank you for your flexibility.

Blessings...

UPDATED: Baby Sawyer ~ Urgent Prayers Needed

Saturday morning Sawyer update: Sawyer had a good night and is showing some improvement this morning. There are a couple other concerns...but for now, we are praising God for this good news and continuing to pray for sweet baby Sawyer's FULL recovery! We serve a mighty and faithful God! Please keep praying!!!!

Yesterday I walked into the PICU to meet sweet baby Sawyer who was perched atop his little makeshift monkey-covered recliner-looking contraption on his hospital bed. Machines beeped and wires abounded. I looked around to see other babies to the right and left, listening to the sounds of the beeping and turned back to sweet Sawyer, drinking in the sight of this beautiful boy who has been the focus of countless prayers. I stroked his sweet chubby toes and prayed over him with his mama. It felt so good to finally lay eyes on him and put my arms around his beautiful mama...

Today, Sawyer had open heart surgery...


Please pray for baby Sawyer. He is the son of one of my dearest friends, Nicki and her husband, Brian. Sawyer was born last Friday and had open heart surgery this morning to repair a potentially fatal condition known as TGA (transposition of the great arteries). There were some complications, and they had to open him up and operate again. The next 72 hours are critical. Please get on your knees...please join me in crying out to our heavenly Father on his behalf. This sweet baby and his family need our prayers.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Isaiah 43:1-3

UPDATE - Hodge Podge, WWY, Please Pray...

THURSDAY UPDATE: I met baby Sawyer yesterday, stroked his chubby baby toes, hugged his mama, and prayed over him. He is beautiful and so sweet. Sawyer is scheduled to have open heart surgery to repair TGA this morning at 8:30am. PLEASE PRAY....

There are several blog posts floating around my mind and heart right now...but, I just don't have the time to get my thoughts together in a coherent sentence. So, instead I'll spit out a few essentials in this sad little hodge podge and be on my way. (Thank you to those of you who put up with me...so grateful for grace...)

New Walking With You is finally up here. This week, we are talking about letting go and holding on while in the pit of grief...and finding the way out of the pit. The next post coming sometime between this Thursday and next will be the last one in the Threads of Hope series. Then we will be taking a little break from Walking With You, and praying for direction on how we can best offer support for grieving moms through this outreach.

We had a crazy, busy weekend that included a lovely Comfort Bear stuffing gathering. O.K., to be real...it was a gathering covered in God's grace. There were several debacles on my part...forgetting things, almost breaking the church laser printer by inserting iron on transfer paper meant for an ink jet, thankfulness for God's grace when it turned out the printer was salvaged, and other mess-ups that were humbling, humbling, humbling...

In fact, it was one of those days when I thought that I had no business trying to accomplish anything and wondered if I should even try to leave the house. Have you ever had days like that? Days when you question your own competence to the point where you're afraid to move? Saturday was a day like that. And, in the afternoon, I drove to Fremont to share about Sufficient Grace to a group of scrapbooking ladies. (I promise you, I am not a scrapbooker! But, I have been spending time with some of these creative ladies a bit lately!!)

I continued my theme of inadequacy...but God's grace covered that too. I felt like it was hard to get the words out, and I wasn't sure if it flowed as easily as it generally seems to. But, the ladies came forward to give a donation and to share their own testimonies of grief and grace in their own lives. I had the privilege of hugging grieving moms and listening to stories of His love and comfort. And, I met lovely women who want to help share about Sufficient Grace with the patients they work with, and another lady who is willing to help us make gowns for the babies in need. Sufficient Grace was blessed with a generous donation and I was blessed by the hearts of these women.

Folks...God is faithful, when we are faithless. And, can I just say...IT IS SO NOT ABOUT US...SO NOT ABOUT ME AND MY ABILITIES....and for that, I am unspeakably grateful.

There was also a baby shower on the schedule this weekend for my best friend from high school, Nicki. Nicki delivered baby Sawyer about five weeks early on Friday, however. Sawyer has a condition known as TGA... a very serious heart condition...actually fatal without intervention. Her sweet baby boy is scheduled to have open heart surgery on Thursday. He is a little fighter...and has been fighting away since Friday. There are some other concerns as well. My heart is heavy for this little family.

Please...just pray for Nicki, her husband, and baby Sawyer. Please...

I just don't have any more words right now...

Threads of Hope...Letting Go and Holding On...

I am absolutely loving the quilt story that's unfolding in this bible study. I love to see the beauty of the quilt with pieces of the granddaughter's life...making beauty from the pieces...all of the pieces. And...even more...finding beauty, even in the process.

Getting Out of the Pit

I have been in the pit, and through this ministry, I spend a great deal of time with others who are in the pit of grief. And, when you're in the pit, it's tough to think of anything other than the pain and sorrow weighing down on you, being heaped upon you as you sink further in.

Corrie Ten Boom - "There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still."

I love that...and I could also relate to what Gwen Kik shared:

After Hope died I felt as if I were hanging in a pit. The only think keeping me from falling to the depths was my grasp. On the edge of the pit was our Lord, offering His hand but I would not look at Him or reach for Him. I would only hold to the hem of His robe. Some called that faith. I called it desperation. He was all that I had to hold on to.

I hung there for many months before I had the courage to even look at Him. I remember the day clearly that I climbed out of my pit, into His arms and had a good cry. That was the beginning of my letting go.

When in the pit, we may not have the strength, desire, or will to even reach our hand up to take His...to even lift our head to look into His eyes, to even open our mouth to whisper..."help me, hold me, carry me". Even that may be too much. Just breathing is a lot to ask in the smothering depths of the pit.

What I love most about Gwen's picture is that the Lord is sitting outside the pit...waiting for her...offering His comfort and reassurance. Even when we can't feel Him, even when we reject Him...He is there..waiting with unyielding love to gather us in His arms and wipe our tears.

I also love that Gwen says she clung to Him out of desperation. I think there's too much emphasis placed on the strength of our faith. Faith isn't about us...it's about the God we trust in and what He is able to do. It's not about how big or well we believe...or anything else we do. It's not about having strong faith...and a faith that barely holds on out of desperation is not considered weak faith. Faith, after all is just knowing that He is the One to hold on to...it's trusting in what we do not see. It is the "substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen". Call me crazy, but holding on to the little tiny threads of His robe while grasping in desperation in the pit...where you cannot see the hope, the light, the promise...that's the most beautiful faith of all. The dirty, messy, nitty-gritty faith that comes when the world is falling apart and there are no answers.

At least, that's what I learned from my own time in the pit...

Teale shared about the veil...that in grief, we are covered in a veil. We cannot see the full hope and promises. Scripture talks about the veil as well.

This hope we have as an anchor for the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus... (Heb. 6:19-20)

I love that....Jesus went before us...entered for us...and in Him, our hope is sure and steadfast. He is the anchor for our soul...

2 Corinth 3:16 promises: Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

The study also points out the various emotions displayed by the disciples when Jesus faced death on the cross. They went from disbelief, apathy, anger, fear, desperation, grief, denial...and back to grief.

After His death...the women went to the tomb.

John 20:1-18 tells the story...

Mary sat weeping outside the tomb, when the resurrected Jesus approaches her. In her grief, she doesn't recognize Him. She finally recognizes Him when He speaks her name and she turns to Him.

In the conversation, Jesus asks..."Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?"

The study asks for our response to this question. I know the obvious answer would be that most grieving moms are weeping because they long for their sweet babies. But, in reference to standing outside the tomb of Jesus...or sitting in a pit of hopelessness...wondering where the Lord has gone? Are you there in that pit of despair? Does it feel like an empty tomb? Are you wondering where the hope and promise has gone? Are you unable to feel His comfort under the weight of your sorrow? Unable to see His goodness through your veil of pain? Are you wondering if He really is who He says He is?

Perhaps, He is standing right before you...asking whom you are seeking. Perhaps He is just waiting for you to lift your eyes and see Him standing there. That's where I found Him when I lifted my eyes from the pit one day.

I just want to take a minute and say that surrendering to the Lord...coming to the place when you can reach for His waiting hand and allow Him to pull you from the pit of despair....that is a process. It happens in time, and for many of you...your grief is very fresh. Don't think that something is wrong with you because you still feel the weight of your sorrow and little else. Just know that God loves you with a relentless love and He will not leave you there. He will wait for you, as long as it takes. Whether you feel Him, or not...He is there.

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What hope do we have that our children are in heaven?

In 2 Samuel 12:23b, after the death of his baby boy, David says: "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."

Meaning...the baby will not come back to this earth...but one day, David will see him again in heaven.

1 Thes. 4:13-14 But, I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

How can we know we are going to heaven?

John 14:6 - Jesus said to him,, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

Romans 10:9 promises, "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

What will our heavenly bodies be like?

Philippians 4:20
For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.

But...how will we know our babies when we get there?

In Matthew 17, when the disciples were transfigured on the mountain, they saw Moses and Elijah, and they recognized them...never having laid eyes on them before. How? Because they were, for a moment, given eyes to see...as we will have in our glorious body. We will have eyes to see and we will know others as we are known.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 1 Corinth. 13:12

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. 2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. I John 3:1-2

The study encourages us to list mementos we have of our baby, to write letters, and to write a letter to the Lord pouring out our hearts and hurts before Him. It has been many years for me...and I did those things years ago. One thing I want to add is that even if you are feeling trapped in the pit and don't know how to pray...just saying..."Lord this really hurts" is still a prayer. He will meet you where you are...He's faithful like that! =)

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Please link up your post below, and also take some time to visit others who link here to offer your encouragement and prayers. We want to walk with one another...that no one should walk alone. The next post will be our final one for the Threads of Hope study. Then, we'll take a little break, and pray about where to go from here. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to do this...and for those who have been reading along.

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A Little Behind...

Just wanted to post a little apology if you're looking for last Thursday's Walking With You. I'm a little behind right now on everything in my life. But, I will be working on it within the next couple days.

In the meantime, please join me in praying for sweet baby Sawyer...the son of one of my best friends. He was born Friday and he is facing heart surgery this week.

Threads of Hope, Lesson Seven ~ Acceptance

So sorry this post is late...thank you to those of you who are sticking with this study!

In this Threads of Hope lesson, we are going to talk about moving on toward acceptance. A better word, in my opinion, from a Christian perspective would be surrender. It was many years ago when I walked through the intense first stages of grief from saying good-bye to my precious Faith, Grace, and Thomas and toward acceptance. I remember that time as a time of surrender to God...truly learning to trust Him with my life, to praise Him in the storm, to give Him glory whether He is giving or taking away. I remember the process, and the beauty and relief when I finally surrendered my sorrow, my bitterness, all my disappointment that things had not gone as I should, my grief, my fear...all of it...to the Lord. I remember the sigh as I breathed it all out, allowing the tears to pour as I flung myself into my Heavenly Father's lap and let Him take it from me.

In Luke, we are told to take up our cross daily. Following Jesus is a daily choice. Daily, we choose to die to our former way of living and live instead for Him.

I felt like we were being asked to carry our own cross when we faced the fatal diagnosis with our sweet Thomas...and when we began the lonely journey of carrying him to term. It was a cross I will never regret carrying...I was honored and privileged to carry my sweet boy, and to hold him in my arms. Carrying Thomas wasn't the cross...but knowing that we would have to say good-bye to him, after already saying good-bye to our baby girls, Faith and Grace...facing the end of his earthly life...that is what weighed so heavily on our hearts.

We were asked to write our "cross items" on a cross. According to the study, "Cross items are those things that you have experienced that weigh you down. Pray about what your cross items may be." Jesus already died to free us from these things...He already gave us the power to overcome them, through Him.

I've been giving this some thought. I don't always walk like I'm free from all of the things that weigh me down. In fact, I often allow those things power in my life that they shouldn't be given. Jesus died for me, freeing me from that which once entangled me. Sometimes, I don't embrace the truth that I am a new creation in Jesus. I forget and wallow in the old me, and it really doesn't fit. I need to remember, I'm not that girl anymore. My identity isn't in the person who once felt abandoned, who made poor choices as a teenager, who felt insecure, the mother who grieved for her babies, the daughter who lost her mother, the woman who eats to cover her struggles...that isn't who I am. I am the daughter of the King...a child of God...completely forgiven...beauty made from ashes...redeemed by the blood of Jesus. I am free and precious in His sight. And, if Jesus is your Lord...so are you.

...that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. ~ Ephesians 4:22-24

O.K....so how do we do get to the point of surrender...or acceptance? How do we just give it all over to the Lord? How?

There isn't really an easy answer or a magic formula...but God works in His time and in His way. The key is that it really isn't something we can do or conjure up. It is something the Lord does...working while we rest...or struggle...or cry. Just as the grandmother in the study was working as her granddaughter grieved...beginning to piece together the beautiful quilt. God works that way, piecing together the scraps of our lives...the pretty pieces...the uneven ones...the downright ugly and seemingly useless pieces...and He makes something beautiful out of ALL of them. They all have purpose...alone, they may seem ugly. But, together, they are beautiful...just like the tapestry He is weaving in our lives. The grief blends with the joy. Together, they bring beauty, hope, renewal, and purpose. He doesn't waste a piece of it.

So...the answer to how do we do it?

We don't...

We trust the One who is able to do it for and through us...

In Matthew 11, we are admonished to: "Come to Me (Jesus) all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest..."

Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak.
And to those who have no might He increases their strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
The shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Galatians 2:20 reminds us that it is "no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

The study asks several questions encouraging grieving moms to make a plan how they will cope. I think that's a great idea, and encourage those who are newly grieving...or in the first year or two of grief...to do this. It has been many years for me, so I won't list my answers here.

The following verses mean so much to me, not just because of the hope they give and the truth they speak...but because I clung to them as my mother faced her cancer and eventual death. God gave us these verses over and over, reminding us that the trials we faced were not the end of the story. He was renewing us day by day...and He was working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. Don't focus on what we see...focus on Him.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. ~ 2 Corinth. 4:16-18


And another verse I clung to when grieving (and later surrendering) for Faith, Grace, and Thomas was:

John 16:22 ~ Now you have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice and no one will take away your joy.

This world is full of hurt and loss, brokenness and pain. But we will see Jesus and our babies again. And when we do, NO ONE WILL TAKE AWAY OUR JOY!!!!
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Thanks so much for those of you who are sticking with this study. Please take some time to link your post or leave a comment here and with those who link up. It is an encouragement to these families to know they are not alone. Remember...our goal is to walk with you...to walk with one another.

Love and Grace to all...

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For Those Who Weren't Able to View Our TV Appearance...and A Late Walking With You

A few people wrote saying they weren't able to view the Grace For Today interview I shared about last week. So, thanks to the techy-skills of our Holly-girl, we are posting it on the Sufficient Grace Home page! Love you Holly!!

You can view it directly on our blog, by clicking on the link below:

Sufficient Grace Home Page

Hope it works for you, now! Thank you to those of you who took the time to watch. We received many emails, and other messages of encouragement through facebook, the blog, etc. We so appreciate your love, prayers, and support.

In other news: I finally posted last week's Walking With You post. Click here to read about accepting and surrendering to the Lord during grief.

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Our Trip to the Creation Museum ~ A Good Friday Indeed

*If you haven't watched our Grace for Today television appearance, please click here to read the post and watch the video.



On Good Friday, My youngest son James and I went to the Creation Museum, just south of Cincinnati, in Petersburg Kenntucky. It was a beautiful, sunny day...an uncharacteristically warm eighty degrees. The "Tims" had to work, so it was just the two of us. Usually, I spend Good Friday reading the gospel account of Jesus' death and resurrection, watching a Passion play, re-watching The Passion...or something to reflect on His sacrifice and what it means to my life. I was wondering how a visit to the Creation Museum would tie in with that, but I would soon find out. Since our church was going as a group and we were getting discounted tickets, it was too good of an opportunity to pass it up.

So, we packed some snacks and hopped into my friend Susan's Suburban early Friday morning, as the sun was still awakening. With the sound of three Nintendo DS's in the background, we chatted away, looking forward to the adventure awaiting us.

(Thank you, Susan, for driving us...you know I don't like those crazy four lane highways!)


We were welcomed by a giant dinosaur at the entrance...a promise of things to come. Oh...the anticipation. I love adventures like this. What does God have in store for us?



Upon our arrival, we were told that the cost for the tickets, was paid in full, due to the generosity of another church/pastor that wanted to bless our church family. We didn't have to pay one penny to enter the museum! We were promptly handed a pass that meant we didn't have to stand in line, and we were given a ticket to the planetarium, as well. I have a name for moments like this: It was a "Daddy's Little Girl Moment". They are sweet moments of blessing when you just feel God's love shining down on you...when you know that He sees you, loves you, and just wants to bless His precious daughter. You feel like "Daddy's little girl". At least, that's how I feel when that happens.

Paid in full...

The message was not lost on me. He whispered to my heart, "Your debt was paid in full." I smiled...That's what my Jesus did for me on that Good Friday so many years ago. He paid my sin debt...in full.

It was a day filled with the glory and splendor of God's creation...





Viewed through child-like eyes of wonder...



Fun moments of little-boy silliness...






And moments of little-boy sweetness...












A little more silliness...





Being still...

...and knowing He is God...






The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
~ Genesis 2:7





James probably watched the video shown in the above photos five times...in awe of the miracle of God making Adam from dust and breathing the breath of life into him.

A Garden of Paradise, made by a loving Creator...where every living thing dwelled in harmony with one another...



And then...the serpent...hanging from the tree...



The fruit...the lies...temptation...disobedience...sin...the fall...



The result...




Death...grief...broken fellowship with God...guilt...disease...pain...hard work...broken relationships...

None of it existed before sin...oh the cost...

It was no longer the world God made for us...No longer what our loving Father intended for His creation...










How it broke my heart to see what God intended for us...to feel His love in beholding the creation, and then to see the effects of the ugliness of sin on the beautiful world He made...

But in His love and mercy...even in our disobedience...He made a way for redemption...

We chose the ugliness of sin...while in the midst of paradise...

He gave His Son...so that we may know Paradise eternally with Him...so that we may be restored in our brokenness, healed from our disease, freed and forgiven from the bondage of sin, so that our grief may be turned to joy...

Behold...the empty tomb...



Evidence of His everlasting love...

It was a Good Friday, indeed...especially when we know...that Sunday's coming...

Grace for Today ~ My Television Appearance

*If you're having trouble viewing the video link at the bottom of this post, please click here to watch the Grace for Today TV interview directly on the Sufficient Grace Home page.

This weekend has been a whirlwind of activity and I've been battling a cold that's slowly making it's way to my chest. I have so much I would like to share about Easter, our trip to the Creation Museum, and other things rattling around in my mind and weighing on my heart. But, for this post, we'll focus on today's events.

Today, I was featured on the Grace for Today television program on TV 44 out of Lima, Ohio. I arose early this morning to sip my tea and pray for the events of the day. There was little time and energy to do much more than pray in preparation, but praying is enough. After all, God's part is always bigger than our part. Our part is to pray, be ready, and go where we are sent. God does the rest.

This morning's devotion verse found in Our Daily Bread was a fitting answer to my prayers:

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the LORD has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”
~Is. 61:1-3

I smiled as the reassuring presence of the Holy Spirit washed over me, whispering His love into my heart. I nodded, thinking, "Of course that's today's verse," as I was reminded of the One who has made beauty from ashes in our lives.

We arrived at the studio at 8:30am...please excuse my hair. I'm not really sure what was going on today...some sort of flat iron debacle creating really flat hair! Not my best hair day!! Ahhhh...humility.



Unfortunately, the above photo is the only one that Becki can be seen in. If you look carefully, you can see her in the reflection...carrying my load of stuff. That's how she looked most of the day...her arms full of Comfort Bears, my incredibly heavy and overflowing purse, and other various items. I'm so grateful she was willing to come and support me in today's adventures. So appreciate her prayers, love, friendship, and the time she gives to serve in this ministry.



The above picture shows Sheri Ketner (host of Grace for Today, and producer for TV 44) and me chatting away during this morning's live broadcast. We really enjoyed our time at Channel 44 today. Sheri is so kind and thoughtful...and just a beautiful woman of faith. Everyone made us feel very welcome and loved. We have more pictures from today that we'll share later when we have time to download the rest.

But...I thought, maybe you'd like to see the appearance...

First...just a few disclaimers before you watch...

Again...not my best hair day...please overlook the mess that is me. Despite appearances, I did do my hair before I left the house today!

There are a few things I didn't say that I wish I would've said: I wish I would have mentioned the names of Faith and Grace...

I wish we would have had a little more time so that I could talk more about the ministry...

The book that has my short story is really an anthology with several authors of various short stories. I don't want a misunderstanding there...

I wish I could have shared a little more how God has worked through this ministry...and that we've been able to send Dreams of You Memory Books all over the country...

But, there is only so much time...and we all know how much I like to talk...

So, tonight...I'm just trying to accept that I said what I could in the time allotted, and that God's grace covers all the areas where I fall short. It's not about me anyway. I pray that He will be glorified...and that others will find comfort. Please note: There is about an 8 minute introduction to the show before my part begins.

O.K...enough of my words...

Click below to watch: My Grace for Today TV Appearance


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