A Little More On Faith

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:



I am so torn this week because of the wealth of wisdom in this week's Tuesdays Together scriptures. But, I wrote last week that I would be talking a little more about faith on this Tuesday's post. So, I will stick with the plan and leave the book of James for another post.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
~Hebrews 12:1-2

Can I just say, I am fired up this morning to write about the Hall of Fame of Faith! Just like His word says, I feel encouraged to lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us...to run with endurance the race set before us...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Whoo-Hoo! (I can sort of hear one of those sassy Shania Twain songs in the background and part of me wants to say a feisty, "Let's Go Girls"! And, for the record, I don't even listen to country music much!) Reading their stories...being reminded of what our God has done...strengthens us to continue on. We are broken vessels...imperfect...full of flesh, weakness, and flaws. And do you know what? So was everyone mentioned in Hebrews 11. What they did have, though, was faith. They knew they could look to God and place their trust in Him.

Now faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen.
~ Hebrews 11:1

Things not seen. I can't see God, in person with my human eyes. I have walked places where I couldn't see the answers to my questions...where the hope I had was in something that I couldn't see. It is a believing without seeing. What I can see is the evidence of the hope we have in Him. The evidence of things not seen. I can see His hand working in my heart to forgive someone who has wronged me. I can see His hand in the beauty of the world that He has created like a fine masterpiece (displayed magnificently on the golf course, I might add!=)) I can hear evidence of His existence in the sound of a newborn baby's cry. As well as in the songs of praise that arose in my heart and lifted from my lips as I said goodbye to my sweet Thomas. In the daily grace that is poured out on my family, I can feel the evidence of things not seen...the substance of things hoped for. He is. And He does great things in our lives.

I remember night after night as I sought answers and comfort while waiting for our Thomas, I wanted to understand faith. In Hebrews 11, we find that without faith it is impossible to please God. Now, I was a little mixed up, wondering if it was my lack of faith that had placed me in this position. Was it because I didn't have enough faith that we had lost Faith and Grace and were facing the loss of Thomas? And what did faith look like? I wanted to please God. Was I faithless because I was afraid...because I didn't want to walk this path again...because although I knew He was able to save Thomas, I didn't know if He would? I couldn't see the beginning from the end. So, when I read Hebrews 11, I was looking for the answers. Help me understand this faith you require. What does it look like, Lord? Should I know with complete confidence what will come? Or is it a blind trusting?

So, I read of Noah...and how he obeyed "being divinely warned of things not yet seen". Noah built the ark before one drop of rain fell. God told him to do it, and he did...even though he did not yet see what was to come. Abraham obeyed God, going when God said to go. (Heb. 11:8b) "And he went out, not knowing where he was going." He went...not knowing...by faith.

You may think I'm a little crazy, but the fact that they were no different than you and I really gave me comfort. They didn't know the beginning from the end any more than we do. Maybe I thought that they had some insight...some extra confidence in what was to come...something we lack in modern times. They didn't know where they were going or what was coming next any more than we do. They just trusted in their God. And they weren't perfect. Read their stories. Abraham lied. Sarah laughed when told of God's promise that she would bear a son. Noah got drunk. David committed adultery and murder. Moses also killed a man.

And...they didn't even get to see all the promises fulfilled...at least not while they still walked this earth.

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. ~ Heb. 11:13

But now they desire a better, that it, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them. ~ Heb. 16

Friends, they did not see the entire promise fulfilled this side of heaven. Some answers will never be given until we are in heaven. So we look forward to that promise, resting our faith in that hope. He has prepared a place for us, even as we feel like strangers on this earth.

Reading on in Hebrews 11:23-39, Moses "endured as seeing Him who is invisible", Rahab "did not perish with those who did not believe". And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson, and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens....

It goes on to talk about those who were tortured and gave their lives in faith..."of whom the world was not worthy". Folks, these people messed up. None of them were strong on their own. None of them were exempt from moments of doubt and weakness. All of them had moments when the darkness seemed so threatening. Read the Psalms and you will see how David wrestled, and yet he is called a man after God's own heart. It isn't about the strength of these individuals that God holds up as our example. It is about the strength of their God. They had victory because of Him. They were made strong through their weakness. They didn't have all the answers. They didn't even always do it right. But, they trusted in their God...who is able. His glory shines through them. They knew where to look. When doubt threatened...when fear overcame...when they couldn't see the answers...they knew where to place their trust. It wasn't about their performance...their ability to do it just right. It was about God's promises...His strength...His ability. They overcame...they are counted worthy...because they called on the Lord in the day of trouble. They relied on Him.

When I think of what they faced and how they endured, I am greatly encouraged. We are surrounded by their witness, strengthened by their testimony. They are cheering us on. And we could insert our own stories...not to lift ourselves up...but to glorify our mighty God.

By faith, Kelly Gerken, carried Thomas within her womb...not knowing whether he would be healed this side of heaven or taken home to be made whole. On her knees, she tearfully cried out for protection from the fiery darts of the enemy in the dark of night. By faith, she clung to the promise that she couldn't see, believing the Lord when He whispered to her heart that the answer was not hers to know until the time came. That whether on this earth or in heaven's glory, her Thomas would not die, but would surely live. When He asked, "Do you believe this?", she said "Yes, Lord. I believe." Out of her weakness, she was made strong. By faith, death lost it's sting as she sang songs of praise to the God who held her as He carried sweet Thomas home.

I could write for days...more of what He has done. I pray that you are encouraged by their testimonies. They were just people walking with the Lord, sometimes stumbling along. But, their God was and is faithful. As Hebrews promises: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Heb 13:8) You serve the same God they do. The same God who carried and strengthened and used the lives of Noah, Moses, Abraham, David...and so many others...offers you the same strength, hope, and promise. We have the same opportunity to shine for Him...to tell the stories of His faithfulness. Our stories are still being written. There are promises still to come.

I would love to hear your own "By faith..." stories if you wish to share them here. Not to exalt us...but to bring glory to our amazing God.

So, what are we waiting for?

Let's Go Girls...

Please Pray...

Please pray for my bloggy-friend, Vera, who has just recently found out she was pregnant after trying for awhile. She just received some disheartening blood work. Also, please lift the family of Megan Grace in prayer. Megan went home to heaven this week. Please pray for the Lord's comfort and healing touch on both of these situations. And, please take some time to stop by their blogs to show love to these families and let them know you are praying for them. It will mean so much...to know that they are not alone.

Thank you so much...

A Light-Hearted Under the Tree...Good Medicine for a Week of Heaviness

It has been kind of a heavy week emotionally here...so I'm grateful for Carly's lighthearted Under the Tree this month and thought I'd participate! I hope while you are here that you will scroll down a couple posts and read Walking With You. Take some time to visit the courageous mothers who are walking this path and leave them an encouraging comment. Bless you all...and now, please enjoy some insignificant facts about me for your reading pleasure...or something like that!

Hair Color: Dark Brown...almost black (with a few grays). I've never colored or highlighted my hair...and, yes...I know those days are numbered!

Eye color: Hazel (brownish green...bright green when I cry)

Profession: Mama, Founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries, Educational Para Assisting Special Needs Children

Relationship status: Married

My Favorites:

Favorite color: Pink...but I'm thinking about painting everything in my house sage green and/or some shade of brown soon! =)

Favorite movie: This changes...but The Passion, Walk the Line, The Notebook

Favorite animal: dog, I guess

Favorite store: shopping has lost it's luster lately

Favorite childhood memory: camping...day trips with my mama...laughing with her

Favorite hobby: writing

Favorite song/singer: Love so many...maybe Amazing Grace?

Favorite book/author: Other than the Bible...anything by Max Lucado and Karen Kingsbury

Favorite school subject: Speech and Drama and Advanced Composition

Favorite vacation destination: The beach or the lake...water and sand...and my sweet family good stuff!

Favoritefood: Strawberries and chocolate...pizza...and I never met a Dorito I didn't like!

Favorite restaurant: I love eating out, but don't do it often...like different places for different things. PF Changs for Chinese...Biaggi's for Italian...Cracker Barrel or Cheddars for home cookin', Chili's for a mushroom burger, and Cooker's steak...and fast food for a junk food fix

This or That
Coke or pepsi : Oh Diet Pepsi...how I miss thee.

Beer or wine: No thanks

Coffee or tea: Most definitely and wholeheartedly tea...never had coffee.

Apple Juice or O.J.: OJ

Summer or Winter: Sweet Summer...how I love thee!

Cats or dogs: Dogs. I'm actually a little scared of cats. I know, it's weird.

Salty or sweet: A little of both!

Plane or boat: Plane

Morning or night: Night

Money or love: Love

Breakfast or dinner: Both, of course!

Forgiveness or revenge: Forgiveness

House or apartment: House in the country would be nice...but I have a house in town.

Like to cook: Yes...but don't do it enough lately.

Have You Ever:

Got a speeding ticket: Once...I was late for a tee time. Sounds like I have a much more glamorous life than I do!

Wished you were someone else: Not anymore...I've embraced the me that God created me to be.

Cried during a movie: Ummm...yes

Describe yourself in one word: Redeemed

Biggest fear: Would never write it or even utter it out loud to anyone.

Biggest mistake: I am Lucy...you know Ricky and Lucy...I'm Lucy...always messing up. Glad my husband is full of grace...and he still thinks I'm cute.

Your proudest accomplishment: Can't take credit for it...guess I'd rather say the thing I'm most grateful for...the beauty God has made from ashes in our lives...that He has preserved and blessed our marriage.

Dream job: To be able to devote myself to full time ministry with Sufficient Grace...to be an author

Special talents: Love to sing...

Where would you rather be at the moment: sleeping

Famous person you want to meet: Most of the people I long to meet are in heaven...no one famous is coming to mind. Can't wait to literally sit at the feet of Jesus one day...and hold my sweet babes in my arms...and to sit laughing with my mom on the front porch of her cottage "mansion".

Song to be played at your funeral: I'll have to think on this one...something full of the hope of heaven...'cause that's where I'll be!

Thirty-One Winner

And, the Thirty-One Winner of a really cute bow purse is.....my dear bloggy-friend Veronica (a.k.a. Timmy's girl) at Luv My Arrows. Veronica, please email me or contact Tammy from Thirty-One to choose your bow purse design and monogram! How fun!!! If you still would like to purchase a purse from Tammy to support Sufficient Grace, she is about to close the sales for this month...so hurry on over. Thanks to all for participating and thanks to Tammy for supporting Sufficient Grace. And congratulations to Veronica and family as they have also just welcomed a beautiful baby girl, Miss Isabella Grace, into the world.

Also...a quick, heartfelt thank you to Holly at Caring for Carleigh for hosting the chip-in for a beautiful opal necklace. She raised $64 to add to the support she has already personally donated to Sufficient Grace Ministries. And congrats to the winner, another great blog friend, lover of Jesus, beautiful mama, and wonderfully-gifted writer, Joye at The Joyeful Journey. Thank you all.

Blessings abound...

Walking With You ~ Waiting

Welcome to our second week of Walking With You. Thank you to those who joined us last week for the first steps on our journey. This week we are sharing our experience after we heard the news that changed our lives. If you are joining us for the first time, or if this topic doesn't apply to you...please share part of your journey anyway. I know the Lord will use our stories to encourage those walking this path. If you are a mother who has heard the words incompatible with life, what happened next for you? Share about the waiting if your journey continued. How did you walk that path? What were some of your feelings? What did you do to form lasting memories? What were your struggles? Things you found comfort in? If you chose to induce labor and deliver the baby, rather than waiting, you are welcome to share your story, as well. Although we would encourage a mother to continue her pregnancy if possible, this is a place to come for love, comfort, support, and healing. And all are welcome. We are all mothers who loved and wanted our babies...babies who are no longer with us. We want to minister to each other in the place we are in...no matter how we ended up here.

Sharing the Journey

Faith and Grace
My time waiting with Faith and Grace after the diagnosis of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome was sort of a whirlwind and much of my time and energy was spent on survival. Mine and theirs. The size of my uterus was pushing on my organs...heart, lungs, stomach, all digestive areas, bladder...you name it. I was measuring more than 43 cm at just 20 weeks. And, that was a lot for my 5'3" frame. The magnesium sulfate was no fun and brought it's fair share of unpleasantries to the table. I vomited bile and blood as my uterus stubbornly contracted and the mag doses continued for about a week. They gave me various meds to help control my growing symptoms. I spent many hours that first week listening to women laboring in the rooms on the OB floor and would pray....thanking God for every newborn cry...wondering if my babies were born right now if I would be able to hear them cry. When I asked the nurse in the middle of the night, she shook her head...
"Probably not..."

I was then transferred to a high risk specialist who officially diagnosed the twin-to-twin and admitted me for an amniocentesis procedure to remove the fluid from the sac and relieve the twins from it's effects...as well as my poor overwhelmed organs. My uterus contracted painfully and I shook uncontrollably. They drained liters of fluid from me, as med students surrounded my bed like I was a specimen. Except for one. One stepped out from among them and looked on me with compassion, speaking words of comfort.

I spent another week or so vomiting blood that looked like coffee grounds as my esophagus was shredded. During that week, I had daily ultrasounds to monitor my girls. We had named the "bigger twin" Faith and the "smaller" was Grace. I looked forward to that time each day, and soaked in the images of my precious daughters. Faith would quietly suck her thumb and Grace swam wildly about...bumping her sister and everything else in her path. I knew them, because they were my own. I imagined Faith's quiet strength...like her daddy. And Grace's feisty spirit...like her mama and grandma Kathy. We dreamed of pink lace and ribbons and a nursery filled with two of everything. Much of the rest of my time was spent just trying not to throw up and to endure the discomfort. My heart was palpitating...sometimes it was hard to breathe. There was a lot of pain...contractions, discomfort, and the constant vomiting were taking their toll. My liver was starting to malfunction as well.

Churches all over were praying for me and the girls, and we plowed on. After weeks of the vomiting and not eating, they began giving me nourishment through the IV...like someone may get in a coma, I think. Then, just as quickly as the vomiting came...it stopped. My mother was bringing me sweetened iced tea. She had learned where it was on the floor so that I didn't have to wait for the busy nurses. The other thing that sounded good was this popcorn that they sold in a big bag at the gas station in our hometown. Tim gladly brought me some. And, much to the perplexed gastro-intestinal doctors dismay...gas station popcorn was the first food I kept down in weeks. And, it was wonderful.

I was released from the hospital and would return for an appointment a few days later. During an ultrasound, our doctors were concerned with the condition of Faith's heart and sent us promptly to the pediatric heart specialist at another hospital. She was in heart failure. It was the first time that I let myself even consider that we might lose one of our babies...an unthinkable realization. Mine were going to be among the 20 percent that emerged from this syndrome unscathed. My mind had not even allowed the possibility that they wouldn't make it to form. These were my girls...daughters from a long line of strong women. We had prayed and fought this battle hard. They would make it. But that day, I couldn't catch my breath and the possibility smothered me. I was given steroid shots to hasten lung maturity, and told that I would probably deliver soon.

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Thomas
The news of Thomas' fatal condition, Potter's Syndrome, brought with it a choice. We were told that we had about a week to decide if we wanted to induce labor early, terminating the pregnancy or if we wanted to continue the pregnancy, knowing that our baby, short of a miracle, would die. There were four more months.

I'll be honest, the answer didn't come right away for me. Yes, I am a pro-life Christian. But, this didn't seem so black and white. At least not the way it was presented. The doctors had described what happens to babies who grow in a womb for months without amniotic fluid...the deformities and contusions. My own regular OB doctor (not our amazing Dr. M - the maternal-fetal medicine specialist) had advised us to induce labor, saying if it were his own wife he would not prolong the inevitable but would perform the procedure immediately. This was a man who had walked with me through the loss of the twins. Who had stroked my hair compassionately when I was confused and consumed with grief after another procedure performed from delivery complications. I consulted Christian friends...who gathered with me around my kitchen table talking and praying. I talked with nurses who had walked through this with us. I wrestled with the image of asking my family to walk through this again...knowing the grief that we had already endured. Could I ask Tim to look at me for four more months, knowing that I carried a baby who would die? And, poor Timothy...would this be what he thought of when he thought of pregnancy...sorrow, loss, the robbing of joy? Could our family walk through this again? Could we handle the waiting?

I didn't know what to do. And, Tim was fairly quiet on the subject. So, I prayed day and night. I searched the scriptures. It was Holy Week, and I had been reading the parts leading up to Jesus' crucifixion. I came to the verses documenting the conversation between Pontius Pilate and Jesus...and the Lord spoke the answer to my heart, as I read about Pilate washing His hands of the situation. The decision didn't need to be in our hands. We could just leave it to Jesus. So, we chose to wait...to trust Him to carry us and our baby through this journey. If you are reading this and made a different choice, whether because of medical necessity, feeling this option was the best for your family, or just not having a full understanding of the options (many doctors don't even present the option to continue), please know that we understand how difficult it is to face this impossible situation...this choice that no parent should have to face. We know that we are all parents who loved and wanted our precious babies. And, however the path to this point, we are now parents who have grieved the loss of our children. And, there is healing in the arms of the Lord for all of our hurts.

So, what was it like...waiting with Thomas? I wish I could say that I knew I could fully embrace our time with Thomas...like my beautiful friends, Angie and Stacy and so many of you I have had the blessing of meeting. You have inspired me...to see your strength to cherish every moment of life you are given with your baby. It was before all of the wonderful organizations we have today. There was no Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization to photograph my pregnancy or the meeting of Thomas. No perinatal hospice and no Waiting With Gabriel. No String of Pearls. We were charting our own path...and it was lonely at times. I regret that I didn't know how to do it as beautifully as some of you have...that I had doubts and fears that often overshadowed my hope. Because of the lack of amniotic fluid, I felt little movement, so there were few indications that Thomas was still alive and O.K. I prayed everyday that our decision to carry him was not causing him harm...that he was still alive. I prayed for a miracle, believing with all my heart that God was able...while planning a funeral. I literally lived from ultrasound to ultrasound when I could see my sweet Thomas and know that he was still with me. I worried about my son's grief...about all the sorrow he had endured at such a tender age (he was 4 at the time). I felt the burden of the sorrow caused in Tim's heart over seeing his wife pregnant, knowing that the baby within my womb would die. And the grief would overwhelm us once more. The pain tore at our hearts and our marriage. We held on...but sometimes it felt like only by a thread. I did sing to Thomas and stroke my belly and talk to him. I chose an outfit. I searched online for some missing miracle answer. I consulted other doctors. Talked incessantly to Ginny (who walked courageously with me) and Dinah and others who would listen. I cried, prayed, and clung more desperately than I ever have in my life to God's Word. I never regretted for a moment our decision to carry sweet Thomas, for giving him a chance at life...and even more so in the moment we finally met him...but more on that next week.

I struggled with faith...did I not have enough? If I did, would Faith and Grace have lived...would Thomas live...if I could just figure it out. And, God gave me the answers. He taught me about believing without seeing as I stumbled in the fog...hoping that I didn't fall of the cliff before me...wondering if I did, would He catch me? The answer was yes. I might fall off the cliff, and if I did...He would catch me. Looking back, I can see His hand carrying us through that time. But, in the moment, I couldn't always see or feel His presence. I felt overwhelmed with the unknown. And, what I learned in the thick of that fog was that true faith wasn't the absence of doubt or fear...it was trusting God anyway when you are most afraid and filled with doubt...when the answer isn't what you hoped or there seems to be no answer at all. I looked to Jesus as the author and finisher of my faith...wanting desperately to do it right. And what I found is that it's not about my ability to do it right...but about my God who is able to carry me no matter what. I have written about believing without seeing, the truth about the saying, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle", and what faith looks like. Click here to read more about the journey of Faith, Grace, and Thomas.

A few more excerpts from previous posts:
I couldn't sleep that night. The tears wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't subside. There was no where to find relief. Desperate for comfort. Desperate for hope. Just desperate, I searched the scriptures, struggling to read through my tears. "Jesus is my example," I thought. "Show me, Lord. Show me the way to walk this path. I want to please you... I want to trust you...but I don't want to lose another child. My heart is broken..."

The first verses I read were in Hebrews 12:2 ...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Two truths slammed into my heart. 1. Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame. It wasn't easy for Him. 2. He did it for the joy set before Him. There was a purpose...our salvation and His glory. There would be joy on the other side of the suffering.

Then, I looked to Luke 22:39-44 and focused for the first time on the agony of my Savior. What did He do when He was in agony? He prayed. He asked the Father three times "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from Me".
Then He said, "nevertheless not my will, but Yours be done." Then, an angel appeared and strengthened Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling on the ground. (verse 44)

This was our Savior, our Redeemer, our King...in agony. What did He do? The more agony He felt, the harder He prayed. He poured out His requests to the Father, but inevitably trusted the Father for what was best. Faith. Trust. Abide. Humble to the Point of Laying Down His Very Life. He accomplished the task, and all the while, He kept His eyes on the prize...the "joy that was set before Him".
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Resources
If you have just heard the news, and you are facing a difficult pregnancy diagnosis,or if you are waiting on the journey... here are a few resources that may be helpful to you on this journey:

Be Not Afraid ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
String of Pearls ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
Perinatal Hospice ~ Resources for those continuing a difficult pregnancy
Growing Through Affliction~ Support and Encouragement
Sufficient Grace~ Memory ~ making materials
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep ~ Beautiful photographs for families experiencing loss
A Place to Remember

Books for those waiting with a difficult diagnosis -
Waiting With Gabriel- Amy Kuebelbeck
Empty Arms - Sherokee Isle (secular book, but good practical answers for preparing)
In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me - Lynette Kraft

Please take the time to check out these resources. I know it can be hard and sometimes we think in our pain that we may not want these things. But, truly it is a time that we cannot get back. There are so many things that I regret not doing and photographs especially that I wish that I had. We would be glad to send you a Dreams of You Memory Book and other materials you may need to help prepare for meeting your baby, so please just email us if you have a need: sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com.
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Prayer Request

Please pray for all the upcoming preparations for the Sufficient Grace golf outing on July 11th. And, please just cover this ministry in prayer. Personally, please pray for me as a mommy. My mommy-confidence is a little shaken lately. I had a lot of confidence as the mama of "littles", but as my "littles" are now getting big, there seems to be some unknown territory. And, I could really use some prayer in this area.
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I know this post was long, and I appreciate your willingness to endure to the end. Please link your own post and join us on this walk. And I hope you will take the time to visit, pray for and encourage the others who link with us. Please join us next Thursday on Walking With You. We will be sharing about meeting our babies. I will be announcing the winner of the Thirty-One Giveaway later today in the right sidebar, if you are checking for that.

We'll Be Swimmin'....Swimmin'

O.K....don't ask me why but when I wrote the title just now, the really old school country song, "Swingin'" (from the late 70's or early 80's??) just popped in my head...only with the word swimmin' instead. I had it on an old 45 record when I was little if that tells you anything. When I went on a road trip to somewhere in the south (maybe Georgia?) with my Grandma and Grandpa T., they were playing some old school country (and it was even old school for back then!) and I was hooked on that swinging song. Another thing I remember from hanging out with my grandparents at Lake Erie was a lot of fishing and Doritos and Red Pop! Good times. Can you tell this is going to be a really random Wednesdays Walk? That's sort of where my brain is right now...a little melted from the heat, a little water-logged from the swimming, and a little random from the living of life.

Anyway...that's what we've been doing the past few days in the midst of the sweltering heat...a whole lot of swimming...at my stepdad's pool and Tim's mom's pool! And...it has been grand fun. Swimming, fun, and Doritos (without the Red Pop). I just realized that the Doritos are sort of a theme. They kind of go with anything, don't they? Ahem...

I must say swimming, especially at my mother's (stepdad's) reminds me of being young and full of life. Although, I can tell that I'm not as young as I used to be because I had to wait until the water was a little warmer before jumping in. Even just a couple years ago, I was ready in late May to jump right in with the kids. Sigh...

So, without further adieu...a little swimming and a little golf extravaganza to go with the random theme!








O.K....I'm off to golf with my husband in our couples league (and it's about 100 degrees!). I'll be back tomorrow to announce the winner of our Thirty-One Giveaway...click here to enter. And don't forget, Walking With You is also tomorrow. Hope you can join us...and, even if you are not a grieving mom, if you are willing to visit the sites of the courageous moms who share their stories and offer words of encouragement and prayer for them, that would be so appreciated.

Happy Wednesday Walking!!!!

Poured Out and Spurred On

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:



There is a lot that could be said this week, especially from the scriptures in Hebrews. These words on the subject of faith have carried me, encouraged me, strengthened and enlightened me many times on this journey of walking with Jesus. Especially during some of the darkest valleys, I have found myself in Hebrews. At the end of myself, on my face...wondering about this thing we call faith. I have written a little before about this and I'm going to be sharing again on Thursday's Walking With You some of what the Lord has shown me about faith through trials. So, I will try not to get too lengthy here. I do, however, wish to share just a little of the message of perseverance and hope the Lord is speaking to my heart this morning as I read through His word.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for He who has promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. ~ Hebrews 10:19-25

Isn't that just the way to start our day...with these beautiful words of encouragement, strength and truth?! Whoo-hoo, those words encouraged my weary heart and soul this morning. I won't lie...I've been a little weary. It happens from time to time. And, not always with an easy-to-pin-point reason. But, it happens. Sometimes, even as the Lord's blessings pour in, weariness threatens. Usually the best cure for the strength-sapping discouragement that rears it's ugly head is to fix our eyes upon Jesus, but we will talk a little more about that next week.

As we look to Him this week, what do we find? We find hope...and not hope that is fleeting or dependent on circumstances. Not even a hope that depends on our meager faltering faith. But hope that is depends on our God, who is faithful. We are cleansed from our sin and unrighteousness by the sacrifice of Jesus...and we can rest securely in the promises of His Word. It is a full assurance we have in Him. A secure hope. Unwavering.

So, after we rest in the knowledge of our secure hope in Him, what are we strengthened to go and do? Encourage one another, of course. Take time to consider how we may encourage one anther, spurring each other on in love and good deeds. I love this. This is what we've been talking about. This is the beauty of the body of Christ, his people, serving in love and encouraging one another to continue serving in love. Beautiful goodness....I love this!!!!

I've been feeling a little poured out lately, but even as I write these words, I can feel Him ministering to my tired spirit, renewing and filling me up. As we read on in Hebrews 10, there are even more words encouraging us to persevere, to continue on with the path the Lord has for us. What do we do when we are feeling down-trodden and weary? Discouraged with wavering hope and meager faith?

Remember those earlier days after you received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. ~ Hebrews 10:32

I don't even know if there is room in this post to write about the depth of meaning in this verse for me. The truth is that, while we would never ask for the the trials in our lives, they are the times when I can look back and see God working in and through them. I can see how closely I clung to Him, on the darkest of days. At the time, I certainly did not feel like some great example of faith. Of course, I didn't really understand what that looked like. In the moment, we are often just clinging to Him for survival, for comfort, for hope, for the strength to take our next breath. But, as we look back, the perspective is different. I would never hold myself up as some great example of faith or the poster-child for how to walk through sorrow. I know my weaknesses and doubt too well. I know all the flaws and fears I felt. But, as time goes by and life goes along without tragedy in all of our days, I have noticed that we don't always cling as tightly to Him once the danger has passed. Once, we are brought through our wilderness, we sometimes grow comfortable. We (or at least I) cling less tightly. So, when I look back at the day I felt most forsaken in my life, I know the brokenness. I know the weakness. I know my doubt and fear. I know my little faith. But, I also know that somehow...in the darkness of that day and heavy weight of that night, a strength arose that did not come from me. My part was small...I didn't know much. And I was no match for the accuser before me, but I knew the One to cry out to. And, I did. I came...crawling, desperate, on my face, drowning in tears. But I came. And opened His Word. And poured out my broken heart. Sometimes, I read the words I wrote on that fateful night when we had heard that our Thomas was incompatible with life. And I stand in awe of the faith displayed. I stand in awe of the God who put it there...the God who could draw me near when I felt forsaken. The God who could, with His still small voice, overpower the darkness and stand me firmly on the ground in the great test of suffering before me. Some days, I wonder where she went...that girl. Then, He stands me up again.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. For in just a very little while,
"He who is coming will come and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."
But we are not one of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. ~ Hebrews 10:35-39

We must hold on to the confidence we have in Him. We must not shrink back.

O.K....I meant to talk about chapter 11...the Hall of Fame for Faith. But, this post is growing way too long (sorry). So, what I will say is this: As I read these words many years ago in the dark of that night when hopelessness threatened to swallow me, something struck me for the first time. I wanted to understand what faith was. I wanted to please God. As I studied those who were considered faithful, I noticed something...they weren't perfect. They had moments of weakness, sin, doubt, and fear. And, do you know what else? They didn't know the beginning from the end. They were walking as we are, with pieces of the puzzle. They had to rely on God, just like we do. We read their stories and we see God's hand. We see, just as when we look back at our own stories, how the Lord worked...His plans and purposes fulfilled. We see the promises granted. But, they didn't know that in the moment that they trusted Him. They had to believe in what they couldn't see. And to hope in what they were certain of. More on this next Tuesday. And also more on those who didn't get to see the promise...stay tuned...

On a completely different note, I can't leave without sharing this verse from Proverbs 14 (that really deserves it's own post!): The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Praying that we would always speak and act in such a way that builds up our house (our family). Lord, strengthen me and remind me to be a wife and mother that builds up and not one who tears down.
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One more thing, and then I will leave you to ponder. Rachel at Once Upon a Miracle is still taking comments in order to support Sufficient Grace Ministries (she is generously giving $1 for every comment.) While we are grateful for her gift and we know that it will help many families through the efforts of this ministry...the bigger reason I hope you will take the time to visit her site is because I want you to read Gracie's story...to be blessed by the love of this beautiful family and the God who has carried them on this journey. And I want the world to know sweet Gracie. This family has stepped out in faith and "love and good deeds", and I want them to be encouraged...to reach their goal of 500...not just to benefit our ministry...but to encourage them as they have encouraged us. So, please take some time if you haven't already, and read their story, and pray for this family...and leave a comment to support them and Sufficient Grace. Thank you so much to all of you who have left a comment, and those who have supported us in so many ways. We love and appreciate you all very much.

Blessings Abound...

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:19

Again...we are being blessed by another generous, willing blogger who was inspired by MckMama's amazing example of giving. Rachel at Once Upon a Miracle is hosting a lovely contest/fundraiser at her blog in memory of her beautiful niece, Gracie. I hope you will go over and read about this sweet baby and her beautiful family...and that you will pray God's comfort, peace, and sufficient grace for every step of their journey, as they continue to miss their little girl. And, if you leave a comment, this wonderful family will donate $1 for each comment left on the post to Sufficient Grace Ministries. They are hoping to reach 500 and also looking for someone willing to match their donation! Again...our socks are being blessed right off.

The beauty of the body of Christ...the willing hearts that are giving...and the size of our big God and His love for us astounds me. He is a God of multiplication. He multiplies our willingness to give, multiplies the blessing, multiplies the provision, the love. All of it. One act of kindness in His name leads to another and another and another. And blesses everyone in it's path.

I am on my face humbled by the people willing to come alongside us in our effort to reach out to those who are grieving for their precious babies. It is so not about us, or anything that we can do in our own power. I am small and imperfect and flawed in so many ways. But, my God is big and He is able. He has gone before us, in all things. He provides the way...ours is only to walk in it.

I always struggle with the idea of fundraising, knowing that it is necessary but not wanting to focus much on it. We trust the Lord to provide as He guides us in serving Him with the vision of reaching out in comfort and hope to grieving families. However, I am learning that He multiplies the blessings for the giver and the receiver through giving. As we prepare for our Sufficient Grace Golf Outing on July 11, 2009...we have been blessed with donations beginning with some great supporters who have been faithful to give, MckMama's first installment toward her incredibly generous gift (which arrived last week), and others who have followed her lead to send donations and host blog events to support this ministry. Through all of you, God is abundantly providing and we are so beyond words...grateful and in awe.

Thank you, thank you...and God bless you abundantly...

Dazed

Dazed...this morning I am dazed by the beauty of the body of Christ.

Amazed...by the power of God's great love for us.

On my face...in humility at the privilege we have in walking with Him...in walking with those around us.

Thank you to those of you who joined us for The First Steps on our Walking With You journey...and for those of you who prayed with and for us...and those that just read along. (I know you're out there, and we love you!) The past few days (and really weeks!), in addition to watching the body of Christ come together in amazing ways to minister to grieving families, our church family held an outreach vacation bible school in a local community that lost it's church and has been really hurting. It wasn't a mission field in India or Africa. It was not some big, great thing. But I believe it was Mother Teresa who said, "We can no no great things, only small things with great love." And, with love we went. I am not sharing this to lift us up. Truly, if anything, the past few days have left me feeling as if I want to spend life walking around on my face at the realization that our Jesus, our God...who is so indescribably, immensely big so desperately wants to chase us down with His relentless love that He will even use a flawed broken vessel, such as me to tell the people the good news.

So, I am dazed...at the privilege that we are allowed to be used by God in any little way. Amazed as the reflections wash over me of the past couple weeks. Mothers who have allowed us to stand on sacred ground with them. Who have allowed us the unspeakable privilege of walking in the dark places with them. Following my husband's lead as He knocked on the doors of strangers to invite them to join our church VBS outreach and community dinner. Conversations where I watched the man I love meet people where they were and relate as they shared their hearts and wove their tales in front yards and on front porches. Blessed beyond words as I watched hope flicker in the eyes of those who had lost hope. Images of young hearts calling on the name of Jesus...giving their lives to Him. The faces of grateful families who enjoyed the delicious meal offered by the ladies in our food ministry. The abundance left over that could be sent home. People giving whatever God has equipped them to give. Sharing in song as voices young and old raised as one to praise the living God. The multiplication of blessings that overflowed from each willing heart.

Our part is so small. Our part is just a willing heart. A heart that says: "Here I am, Lord. Send me!"(Is. 6:8)If we go when He says go, He will meet us there. And He will do the rest. His part is the big part. His Holy Spirit gives the words and moves the hearts. We are just along for the ride, and reaping the blessing that splashes up over us as He meets us there. It is so simple, give them Jesus and they will come. Hope for the hopeless. Light in the darkness. Redemption for the lost. Life where there was death.

I love how God uses every part of His body of believers to work together to fulfill His plan. Love it. It is a beautiful tapestry woven together in love. Beautiful to watch His hands and feet reaching out to shine His light in the dark places. Those with a gift of hospitality offering conversation, making strangers feel like welcome members of the family. Those who can make a feast fit for a king serving food with gladness. Those with a gift of song, lifting their voices, strumming their guitars. Those with a love for children and a spirit of joy laughing together, jumping right in. Playing, talking, listening, sharing. Servants' hearts serving. Those who are gifted in planning and organizing lining all the ducks in a row. Builders building. Artists painting. Actors performing skits. Storytellers telling stories of the Creators amazing love. Artists making the story come to life and filling the room with visual beauty. Crafters crafting. Gentle hearts burdened to pray and reach out to those who are hurting. Those with a gift of teaching sharing the truth of His word. Walking together in love. Every little part a piece of the tapestry like imperfect parts of a quilt knit together to form a beautiful masterpiece. God doesn't waste anything in our lives. He weaves it all into our tapestry, making us who we are...and using it to show Himself to others.

There is a difference between telling someone that Jesus loves them and showing His love to them. Really walking with them. That is what I saw people doing. Not with words. Love, in action. Love that says I see you, God sees you...you matter to me...to the God who made you. You matter.

Our theme...God created the world and everything in it...and He created you with a purpose. You are unique and special. The beauty of His simple truth astounds me, surrounds me, and abounds over me.

The people who walked in darkness
Have seen a great light;
Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death,
Upon them a light has shined.
You have multiplied the nation
And increased its joy;
They rejoice before You
According to the joy of the harvest,
As men rejoice when they divide the spoil.
Isaiah 9:2-3

Thank you Jesus for shining your light in the darkness. And for allowing us to be part of the tapestry you are weaving.

By His Grace: This little light of mine...I'm going to let it shine!
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A couple reminders:

Click Thirty One Fundraiser/Giveaway to leave a comment and enter our Thirty-One Giveaway that ends June 25th.

Holly's Chip-In to support Sufficient Grace ends June 22nd...so get on over there and bless her efforts!

If you are participating in Walking With You (or if you plan to), I was thinking of doing this every Thursday (starting next Thursday), instead of just once a month... to give more opportunities to join in and also to keep it consistent so that we don't "forget" that it's coming. People can join in as much or as little as they want, but we could offer it weekly. No pressure. What do you all think? Also...if you have a few minutes to visit those who linked to us on Walking with You...to show them love and pray for them, I would really appreciate it...and I know you will be blessed for it. Thanks so much!

Walking With You ~ The First Steps

1. To join us on Walking With You, please copy and post the button code from the sidebar into your post.

2. Sharing the Journey - share the part of your journey that is being discussed that day.

3. Share scriptures, resources, or encouraging words if you are able or share your needs and struggles if you are still in that place.

4. Please list any prayer requests for your current needs, if you wish.

5. Link up and walk with us!

Thank you for joining us on this journey. And thank you to everyone who gave their opinions through email and blog comments to help us decide on the best picture and name for our support outreach. Sweet Abigail did an excellent job on our blog button, don't you think? As you can see, I had a hard time choosing a title. We went with Walking With You as our official title because it is our desire to walk with you on this path, but included the words Grace for the journey...because that is what God gives us along the way. The picture was easier. It seemed that the first one spoke to many of you on various levels and I so appreciate your willingness to share your heart on this. Dawn did an excellent job. And we are so grateful to everyone who helped with the button/photo/title-deciding.

For this first Walking With You, I thought we would begin at the beginning. If you are joining us as a bereaved mother, then it is certain that there was a day, a moment when your world changed. There was a loss of innocence that day - the innocence we have before we know that the unthinkable can actually happen. A complete change in perspective. It may have taken place as you laid on the examining table and heard the words, "there is no heart beat". Or maybe you have heard the words "incompatible with life". Perhaps it happened in a blink of an eye when you were expecting to meet your baby, and had to say good-bye before you even said hello.

However the news was presented, that moment has been woven into the tapestry of your life, etched in your mind and your heart. The news that something is wrong with your baby or that your baby has died is life-changing. There are a myriad of emotions and reactions. Today, I'm going to share some pieces of my own journey...my memories from the days that changed my life. The moments when I heard those words, moments that have shaped who I am today, and who we are as a family. Moments that have brought me here to walk this path with you. As moms who have walked this path, we share those moments, and I hope you are willing to share them with us as we walk this path. The stories we have are the stories God has given us to tell...in order that we may comfort and encourage one another. For now, I will just focus on hearing that bad news and initial reactions. As we continue, we will cover other pieces of the journey. This week...we remember our first steps.

Sharing the Journey

We were twenty-one years old and expecting twins. I was about mid-way through the pregnancy...maybe a little further. I was admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor and endured the lovely effects of magnesium sulfate for about a week. The time came for our scheduled ultrasound. The nurses wheeled me down the hallway and into a yellow room. As I lay on the table, I could sense a change in demeanor from the ultrasound technician. Her face paled and grew stony. She would not look me in the eye as I started to question her. I could tell something was terribly wrong. The events that followed are blurry to me. I see them in flashes only...can hear the words in short bursts. "Too much amniotic fluid." "One baby is bigger than the other." "A possible problem with the heart." The room is spinning. I feel like I'm choking, fighting for air. I can see the concern on their faces...hear the somber tone in their voices. They are sending me to a high-risk specialist in the morning. I don't sleep all night. I pray as I've prayed for weeks for the health of my babies. The next morning, in one fell swoop we find out that we are expecting twin daughters instead of just twin babies and that our sweet girls had a condition known as twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome. The journey continued...but that is how it began.

Less than two years later, midway through my third pregnancy, I heard the words on the telephone. "There were some concerns on the ultrasound." "Not enough amniotic fluid." "We will be sending you to a maternal-fetal medicine specialist." "We are so sorry." I went to the appointment. As I laid on another examining table, I heard the words "absence of kidneys", "Potter's Syndrome", and "incompatible with life ". Never had the darkness seemed so dark and mocking than on that day. The life seeped out of us. As I stood in the hallway frozen and unable to move forward, unable to take one step into the life that held the hopelessness of the words we had just heard. The tears streamed down my face in unison with the raindrops dripping down the window. And one word sums up what I felt in that moment. One lonely, dark word.

Forsaken.

In that dark moment, I felt forsaken. I felt mocked, destroyed, and without hope. For a moment. All the way home a voice in my head mocked me, asking "Where is Your God Now?" I didn't have an answer in that moment. I felt defeated.

But, that night, as the relentless mocking continued, I reached in my helplessness for my bible. I opened it and let my tears drip on the words...the words that would be my soothing balm, my weapon against the mocking attacks, the truth that would squelch every lie that threatened my hope. As the storm raged on with all of it's fury, I collapsed into His arms, wet from the rain...tired...bedraggled...barely even able to reach up and take His hand. It was O.K...my weakness, my inability to put one foot in front of the other. The Lifter of my head was there. He met me there. He met me there as I read the familiar words that quieted that mocking voice.

For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Hebrews 13:5

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written, For your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which in in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:35-39

He will never leave me...even if I feel deserted, He is there. In the thick fog of the unknown, in the darkness of the greatest sorrow, in the depth of the lowest pit...He will never leave me. He is there. And I do not walk alone.

How do I know? Because I walked there. And, He walked with me.

And His love...nothing can separate us from it. No trial. No sorrow. No loss. No imperfect faith. No inability to measure up. Nothing... can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing. Whether you can feel it or not, His love is so powerful...His relentless amazing love for you and for me. And, if you cannot feel it right now...just hold on. You will again, one day. You will. He won't stop until you know how dearly loved you are.

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Resources
If you have just heard the news, and you are facing a difficult pregnancy diagnosis, here are a few resources that may be helpful to you on this journey:

Be Not Afraid ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
String of Pearls ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
Perinatal Hospice ~ Resources for those continuing a difficult pregnancy
Growing Through Affliction~ Support and Encouragement
Sufficient Grace~ Memory ~ making materials
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep ~ Beautiful photographs for families experiencing loss
A Place to Remember

Books for those waiting with a difficult diagnosis -
Waiting With Gabriel
Empty Arms

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A Current Prayer Request:

Please pray for me as I seek to reach out through this ministry...that the Lord would be leading and guiding and that we would follow His plan. Please pray that we would be able to reach out in comfort and love to those who are grieving. And as we do, I ask for prayer for balance in my life...that I would not do things in the wrong order of priorities, but keep the right order: God, family, ministry, work. And for strength. Thank you so much...and I hope you will share your current prayer needs with us as well!
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Whether you are walking this path now, facing the loss of your child, a newly bereaved mother, or whether it has been many years since your loss...we hope you will join us, so that we may take this walk together. The subject this week is sharing the initial news and how you were affected by that...the beginning of your journey. Then, if you have some resources to share that helped you with that part of your journey or some wisdom that would be great. If you are in that place now and have a need or question, you can share that as well...and maybe we can help fill that need. Also, please close with a prayer request if you wish...we would love to be able to pray for you where you are right now on this journey. You can link your post to the Mister Linky or leave it in the comments below. You can also email me directly at: sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com. Or, you can just read along and glean comfort, grace, and wisdom for your journey. In whatever way you choose, I hope you will join us and as always...thank you for the privilege of allowing us to walk with you.

In the Storm ~ Our Photo Shoot ~ Name Vote

Tonight my sweet friend, Dawn Marshall from Marshall Photography met with my other sweet friend, Toni (and me) to do a photo shoot for our upcoming blog button for the yet to be named support project we are starting on June 15th! It had been a gray drizzly day, raining lightly off and on. When the time came for our little shoot, it started to pour buckets of rain.

Of course it did. At first I thought, what is going on? What a disappointment that the rain would increase in strength as we met to take pictures. I heard thunder rumbling as we huddled under our umbrellas (which incidentally each had their own unique imperfections: mine had pokey things sticking out, Dawn's had a big hole in it, and Toni's was lopsided. And, yes...I'm sure there are metaphors in that observation.), while I apologized profusely. The children of these two sweet mamas huddled together in their vehicles as the ran splattered down the sides and into the waiting mud puddles.

The rain poured. The thunder rumbled. And we walked in our cute shoes through the mud puddles into a dark alley that said Do Not Enter, while we huddled and shivered under our umbrella, gingerly navigating our steps to avoid more serious potholes. And, it struck me. The beauty of it. The realization that our God was still in control even as the rain poured. It was no accident that the skies darkened and the rains came down. The mud puddles, the foreboding alley that Dawn had suggested as our location. No accident. My original idea was two friends walking down a lovely tree and flower-laden path. How inappropriate that would have been. How unlike the message that we really meant to send. How not representative of walking together through the stormy paths...through the dark sorrow of grief. Through the valleys. The point of what God has laid on our hearts is that we are willing to walk with you through those dark painful places...and not so much that we are willing as that our God is willing. He is willing to walk with us...and places that desire in our hearts to do the same.



And that walk, it's no flower-laden path. It is a dark alley with old jagged concrete, filled with mud puddles and Do Not Enter Signs. Dark and foreboding...if we look with our human eyes. That walk is not for the faint of heart. It is the nitty gritty stuff of life and death, loss and hope, pain and healing, sorrow and joy. It is a bitter cup that one day becomes a soothing sweetness to your soul, but for a time breaks you into pieces. And, on that walk, it's unpredictable. The rain pours. The tears flow. The mud rises. That's what we see, at least.



Internally, the Lord is working. In the place we cannot see with our eyes, the heart is being shaped and mended, formed into a more beautiful instrument of love and grace than it was before we took that walk. Inside, our soul is being healed and filled up, even as the rains fall...even as we feel poured out and empty. When all we see are ashes, He sees the beauty that will come from them. When we behold the darkness before us, surrounding us, smothering us...He sees the light that He will shine in those dark places.

There are moments on that walk when we feel we cannot go on. Moments when a friend comes alongside us to point us again to the One who sustains us. A friend to lift us in prayer. A friend to allow us to lean on her as she leans on Him. A friend, who is not afraid to walk through the valley in the rain, with a storm mounting. She is not afraid, because the Lord is her strength and her shield. She is not afraid because she doesn't walk alone.

And because He has walked with her through the valleys and the storms, He has sent her to walk with you. And He will carry you both through the rain, through the storm, through the unknown dark alleys to secure, dry ground.



Whether you are a newly bereaved mother or a seasoned mom who has watched the Lord make beauty from ashes in her life. Whether you need someone to lean on or you are the shoulder that can bear the burden, we hope you will walk with us as we are walking with Him. We hope you will join us with our broken umbrellas, with all our little quirks and imperfections in our various stages on this walk, as His grace washes over us in the pouring rain.

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Now, please help me choose a name for this time of Walking Together that we will gather to do the 15th of each month. Here are some choices:

Walking With You
Walking Together
Walking Together With Hope
Walking With God's Grace
Grace for the Journey
Grace in the Storm

Please vote for the best picture and the best name for our blog button. And the sweet and very talented Abigail is going to make us a blog button! Even if you are not taking part in our little walk, your input is welcome. As I was sharing with my blogging chum, Lynette, I am a horrible decider! Perhaps one could say decision-maker, if one was so inclined. But, Lynette and I decided today that decider is a word, at least in our book...so just go with it, O.K.?!

Walking in Love...Walking Together

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:


For the past several weeks, I have been abundantly blessed by the beauty of the body of Christ serving together, lifting one another up in prayer, giving of their abilities to further God's kingdom, to reach out in love and support to those who are hurting. As I read your stories...the stories of courageous mothers and families who have said good-bye to their precious babies. Beautiful, loved, wanted babies. My heart has broken for each of you. For each of you, I have prayed, and even some, my children have prayed for. Beautiful blog friends have reached out in love and support. We have continued to reach out through the ministry God has given us. And...I have had it on my heart to do more. So taken with your journeys...your stories, there has been a tugging at my heart to walk with you a little more.

Having said all of this, my heart is so broken over some recent happenings in the blog world...some ugliness that I cannot even imagine. I want to be free to reach out in the love of Jesus to those who are hurting. To show love to those in need. That is what we are called to do. As I have shared...I have seen this done beautifully, recently. But, I have also recoiled in the face of some of the ugliness out there. And, part of me wants to pull back...to not put myself out there. To walk away instead of walking with others even more closely. Part of me wants to put up walls of protection against those who are not honest...those who would deceive or take advantage...and those who would lash out in hate.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ~ Ephesians 4:1-3

How I long that we would bear with one another in love...how I long for that unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace...

What does it look like to "walk worthy of His calling"?

...you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have giving themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. ~ Ephesians 4:17-19

...that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head - Christ- from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does it's share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love. ~ Ephesians 4:14-16

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. ~ Ephesians 5:1-2

So...in the spirit of walking in love, I'm stepping out, despite the part of me that wants to hunker down and shelter in. For all of those who are grieving or hurting and feeling alone on your journey...I would like to walk with you...to offer a little hope and encouragement. And, while it is hard to visit everyone at varying times, I have been thinking of a way to encourage one another as we gather in one spot.

Although I never attended a support group, I have been considering hosting something on this blog that would be a way to support those who are grieving. I want to offer a place that lifts up, a place that points toward hope. It would be biblically-based, of course. Maybe like a bible study with the purpose of offering comfort for those who grieve? I'm still praying about the details...but thinking I would maybe put up a post with scripture, a message, and some interactive questions, and put up Mister Linky for others to post on the same subject. You could post in the comments if you don't have a blog. It may be helpful even for those who don't wish to publicly participate, but can take comfort in reading along with us that they are not alone on this journey. Even if you are not in the days of new grief, you could offer your wisdom and support on the subject. I would love if some of my blog friends who have been carried through their grief by our loving God, experiencing the beauty from the ashes would join us as well, sharing their wisdom. So, we could come together from varying places in our journey and support one another.

Thinking of maybe doing this on the 15th of each month? But, I'd love to hear your input...or to hear if anyone is interested in Walking Together. For those of you who have allowed me, it has been a great privilege to walk with you. And, I pray that we may continue to walk together, to build up and encourage one another in love.

A Not Me! Monday - Lest Anyone Have the Illusion That I Have it All Together...

In the glorious spirit of Not Me Monday, I bring you this post that will hopefully make every mom out there struggling to keep it all together feel just a little less alone!

On the last week of school, my brain did NOT shut down and turn to jello when overwhelmed with the vast amounts of activities, field trips, end-of-the-year celebrations, teacher thank-yous, etc. One rainy morning, we were NOT frantically running around to get to school/work. We are NEVER frantic, always peace filled and organized. James and I were NOT having a heated discussion about his math homework, because that would absolutely NOT EVER happen. I am ALWAYS patient, calm, cool and collected.

So, it was NOT raining and James' shoes DID NOT have dirt chunks on them from the night before when he was playing outside at bible study. I was NOT running around trying to remember everything we need and get us out the door on time, while still discussing the math paper, when I grabbed the shoes to take them outside and clump off the dirt. I did NOT sit them on the freezer so that I could run back in for something that we forgot. James did NOT get into the car through our attached garage. I did not then pull out of the driveway, while still discussing said math paper. We did NOT pull into the parking lot at the school (where I also work as a one-on-one with a special needs student) with seconds to spare before my student arrived.

When I said, "Hurry up..we have to get in the building!" While I stood in the rain in the wet parking lot...Oh, no...He did not look at me and say, "Mom, what about my shoes?"

I did NOT exclaim, "What do you mean, what about my shoes?! Why wouldn't you tell me that you don't have your shoes?!!!!"

It all came back to me, and I remembered the shoes sitting on the freezer. I did NOT feel panic rising as I saw the buses coming...the bus which carried the student I work with. I had to get him off the bus. I did NOT look at my son and tell him that he would have to walk into the school in his socks...through the wet parking lot.

When we arrived at school, I did NOT then have to explain to our classroom teacher that I would have to go home after I got my student off the bus and get my son his shoes! When I returned with the shoes, James' (actually very sweet and always encouraging - really) teacher did NOT proclaim that "Never in her 33 years of teaching has a student ever come to school without shoes!" I did NOT hang my head and say that I was so glad we could be the first!

For those out there wondering if this story traumatized my son...he wasn't without his shoes for long. I actually did run home and get them as soon as my student was off the bus, and I did bring him dry socks, too! Also, God in His infinite wisdom has blessed my sweet James with one of those personalities that takes things like this in stride. He is very good at making light of things and laughing it off. He is also very well-liked by his peers...so to them this was just another funny thing James did! Boy, oh boy was it a memory!
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MORE WAYS TO HELP SUFFICIENT GRACE

Just wanted to let everyone know that my blog-friend, Holly, is having an awesome Raffle/Fundraiser over at her blog, Caring for Carleigh. For $2, you can be entered into the raffle for a beautiful opal necklace. You can enter as many times as you want through the chip-in widget on her blog. All proceeds will be donated to Sufficient Grace Ministries. Please help us spread the word about this fun way that you can get involved. Every little bit adds up! So click on over there and enter Holly's raffle for Sufficient Grace. Raffle ends June 22nd. Thanks so much Holly...you are such a beautiful, sweet mama with a beautiful amazing heart...and a dear encouraging friend.

And...don't forget about the Thirty One Fundraiser/Giveaway that Tammy is having. Click here to read more about it, and don't forget to leave a comment to be entered into our Thirty One Giveaway to win an adorable bow purse from Thirty One. Contest ends June 25th.

Three Months of Saturdays to Stop and Smell the Peonies

For those that asked...(O.K. - just one of you asked!)...the beautiful Amazing Grace Cross stitch in the picture below was made by my amazingly talented and beautiful sweet mama.
When I first went to work full time, I remember being overwhelmed with the change (I haven't really ever recovered, actually!). I took on a "just put your head down and go" type philosophy. Just survive this. Get through it. I was so absorbed with making sure I woke up on time and had us all ready for the day by 8:00a.m. that I forgot about Saturdays. I forgot that Saturday would come and I wouldn't have to get up and run this race. Sweet Saturdays. Oh...how I love thee.

Because I work at a school...summer holds the promise of three months worth of Saturdays. During the school year, I sometimes just "put my head down and go" (between Saturdays and Sundays that is!). And I forget that Summer will come. Summer will come with it's long lazy days of sunny sweet goodness. With lemonade and sweet tea...and lounging by the pool. Summer will come with morning devotions that don't need to be rushed. With golf games in the midst of spectacular landscaping artwork shining glory on God's creation. Laughter and bike rides. Fishing at the reservoir. Ice cream cones and strawberry pie. Popcorn and baseball games. Family time...and being the person I really am when I'm not "putting my head down and going". When I can be in my haven...my home. It's the first week of summer here...and I can feel myself returning. The awareness of the need to care for my home and make it beautiful and welcoming. The desire to do so. All washing over me along with the first rays of this glorious season.

It's time to stop and smell the peonies...

I would have said roses...but peonies are what I'm smelling right now...peonies from my front flower bed..filling my front room with their glorious splendor.



I was going to crop the golf balls out of this picture (Timothy uses the front room as a putting green sometimes!)...but then I thought, nope - that's us! Oh, and it looks like the floral arrangement at the bottom of the stand has tipped over as well. Just keeping it real folks...just keeping it real...



Lately, I'm spending a lot of time doing this...



And preparing shipments filled with a whole lot of these...



And making preparations for this...



So yesterday, when the Kid Fest came to town, we stopped to do a little of this...



And a bit of this...



And...just the right amount of this...



Because sometimes you just have to stop and smell the peonies...

A Little Piece of Heaven on a Sweet Summer Day

For those that read my blog, you may already know that summer is my favorite season. (Not that I would remember that detail about someone else, but you may!) You may also know that we said good-bye to my precious mother in October 2006, after a grueling battle with cancer. And, you may know that with every season the missing of her washes over me anew, with fresh intensity. As always, mom is on my mind today. And I would like to share with you one of the most beautiful summer days that there has ever been...at least in my little life.

In the summer of 2006, as the hospital bills mounted, we decided to have a benefit to help defray the costs and lift the burden from mom's (and her husband's) shoulders. I prayed and wrote several goals...praying specifically over each one. Never having hosted a golf scramble benefit, I wasn't sure what to expect. In the beginning, I was timid as I approached people, but when I saw their willingness to give, I grew more bold. Realizing that this was not about me...about my pride. It wasn't even just about helping with the money anymore. But about the opportunity to show my mother how much people cared, how loved, valued and treasured she was to every life she touched.

The journey was amazing. Almost everyone had a story about how mom had touched their lives. And I was able to share each one with her. We knew that short of a miracle, she would not live much longer on this earth. And, soon...the golf benefit became a way to honor her life. We invited non-golfers to come to the dinner afterward. And hundreds attended. Businesses gave triple the sponsorships on my tiny little goal sheet. (God's ways are higher than our ways!) I was hoping for 18 golf teams. There were 36. More than 200 additional people came to the dinner in addition to the golfers. There were dinner sponsors, cart sponsors, non-alcoholic beverage sponsors. People donated auction items which earned even more toward the cause.

Friends and family gathered, overflowing the place set aside for dinner into the pavilion and the patio. People gathered beneath the blue sky, dotted with white fluffy clouds and laughed and smiled. As I stood to say something before the outing began, I was in awe of the carts lined up, filled with people who loved my mom, our family, or who loved us...everyone who had a story. Overwhelmed with the beauty of the day. Overwhelmed at all that people were willing to give. The beauty of the day took my breath away...and I could barely speak. It was like experiencing a little piece of heaven on earth.



Mom and I had gone shopping a few days before to pick out a cute outfit for her to wear. If you know anything about us, you know that is an important detail. We had been praying that she would feel well enough to attend. And that she would be blessed as her life was celebrated. Mom and I always took comfort in joking about things that most people wouldn't. It was a way of coping, I guess. Humor is a frequent favorite way of dealing in our family. We said that we were hoping that this would sort of be like a funeral, except you're still here and we can tell you what your life has meant to us...a celebration of life. And it was indeed.

Friends from past and present came. Family joined together. There was even an amazing surprise. Mom's favorite teacher and best friend from school later married (as adults!). They had moved far away, but happened to be in mom's home town for a visit. They saw the flyer and decided to come right over. None of us had expected them, so it was a super surprise to mom. Amazing...that God wanted them to be there...and He worked it out.

I can't explain the glow of my mom's smile, the joy that shone in her eyes. The picture on my sidebar was from that day. It was amazing and beautiful. One of the most beautiful days of my life. It was as if God opened up the heavens and said, I see you dear Kathy, and you are dearly loved. I thought that this must be just a little piece what heaven is like...the joy and unity and goodness. The celebration of life. We will never forget that day...and the people who shared it with us.




The first picture above is my mom and my brothers and the kids. My brother's wife is in the picture, but Tim is missing! =( Just to prove that he really was there, the second picture above is my sweet husband and his golf team, who won the event! Tim is on the far left. I included this pic because Tim was sadly left out of the family photo, in the frenzy of the day. He was still out golfing or eating dinner...and I just said go ahead and take the pic. I so regret my hastiness now. I am horrible at realizing the importance of getting pictures for memory purposes. I am learning the hard way, though and (hopefully) won't make the mistake again!

By Grace Through Faith...It is So Not About Me

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:



For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. ~ Ephesians 2:8-10



When I was expecting our twin daughters, Faith and Grace, there were many complications. I lay awake in a hospital bed for weeks, praying, waiting, hoping, resisting doubt and fear. When we heard that we were expecting identical twin daughters, almost immediately, Ephesians 2:8 came into my mind. For it is by grace through faith you have been saved... Grace has always been my favorite name, and that verse has always spoken to my heart. It was not something I did to earn salvation, but a precious gift from our Savior. So, it seemed fitting. And, they no longer were known as Baby A and Baby B, but Faith Elizabeth and Grace Katherine. I've been talking a little about names and what it means to have someone know your name. Their names had deep meaning, and more than I even realized.

Webster's definition of grace: "unmerited help given to the people by God....". Unmerited. Undeserved. Given freely, not because of anything we did or could ever do to earn it. Grace that covers us. Grace that is given to us daily in a sufficient portion to meet our needs. Abundant, beautiful grace. Grace that saves...grace that carries...grace that comforts. I learned about His grace through being their mother. And I kept learning long after they left this earth.

At first, I thought that they were just beautiful names from a meaningful verse. When asked by one of our doctors why I chose the names Faith and Grace, I said, "Because it's going to take a lot of both to get through this!" But, even their situation...twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome made sense with the words in the scripture. Because in the condition of twin-to-twin the "lines are crossed", so to speak. One baby, (Faith) gets too much fluid, blood flow, and nourishment, and the other (Grace) doesn't get enough. In essence, Grace literally received her nourishment, her life...through Faith. And they were intertwined. Needing one another for survival.

Interesting...It is by grace through faith that we are saved. What I didn't know is that there would be more. Carrying and saying good-bye to my Faith and Grace was only the beginning of learning about the faith and grace spoken of in these verses. Carrying our Thomas, we learned about true faith. Not the pretty word we Christians throw around...thinking it has something to do with us. Somehow, if we just have enough faith. Oh boy, do we miss the boat on that one. True faith is not some pretty little thing. It is found in the nitty-gritty journey through this life. It is not never feeling doubt or fear, but trusting in God anyway, when you are most afraid and filled with doubt and questions. Trusting when you don't see. Believing without seeing. Believing when you don't get the answer you want or when there seems to be no answer at all. Praising Him in the storm. Trusting Him to carry you. Surrendering to the arms of our sovereign God. Blessing Him when He gives and when He takes away. It's not about how much faith I have or how strong it is. It's about how mighty, able, powerful, all-knowing, merciful and good my God is.

If carrying Thomas taught us about faith, then meeting him taught us about grace. The all-sufficiency of His grace meeting us in that place of unknown sorrows. And replacing what Satan meant to break us, to destroy us, to darken our hearts forever...with joy overflowing as we met our son. As he filled my arms, and as the presence of the Lord filled the room. I sang, "O Lord, You're beautiful...Your face is all I seek...For when your eyes are on this child...Your grace abounds to me." And it did. It abounded, surrounded, lifted and carried me.

And none of it...not one ounce of it was about the strength of my faith, or my ability to conjure up or earn one ounce of the unmerited gift of grace poured out over me. It was only the beginning of the outpouring. It has flowed freely into my life since the moment I asked Jesus to come in. The "works" we are allowed to take part in today are just gifts...immense privileges from Him. Not because of anything we have done. Not because we are worthy...we are so not. Instead, we are just His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared for us...so that we should walk in them! He made us for the purposes that we serve today. Each of us have specific works that He has prepared for us to do. We just walk in them. If we are walking along the path of this life, following Him, we will just gently stumble upon what He has for us...as He leads us. The gifts and abilities that we have been given are no accident. They are gifts...given to us by our Father...for the purpose of serving and glorifying Him. And in turn, blessing His people. All we have to do, is keep walking.

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God...
~Colossians 1:9-10