Memorial Day 2011 ~ Featuring a Video Performance by One Way

This morning, our band, One Way, had the privilege of performing a couple Patriotic songs following today's Memorial Day Parade, during a special ceremony to honor our veterans. It has long been a tradition in our family to take time to remember those who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom. And, this Memorial Day was no exception.

Here's a partial sampling of the two songs we performed today:

The Battle Hymn of the Republic

America the Beautiful

The memory ran out on my camera! I had a terrible time uploading these videos...so not sure how the quality is going to turn out. But, here's a peek at One Way.

                                

I've shared before that I don't spend a lot of time in the cemetery. And, while that's still true, I did stop there briefly yesterday to leave some red, white, and blue flowers on Faith, Grace, and Thomas' grave...and my mother's too. I didn't want them left out of the Memorial Day festivities this year. Just like we require James and Timothy to honor the veterans by removing their hats and putting their hands over their hearts as the men pass with the flag, the tiny graves of our children brought them honor on this day, as well. It just seemed fitting this year.

Thank you to all who have served this country and fight to protect the freedom we enjoy in this beautiful land. God Bless America!

Keeping it Real

O.K....it's been awhile since I've shared a good keeping it real post. So, here goes...

My pastor is always teasing me about showing some of the "other sides of Kelly" on my blog. I laughed once when a few of you thought that I seemed like a serious and quiet person! In real life, I am far from quiet...and while I am serious when the situation calls for it, you will much more likely find me laughing. It is true that I laugh and cry with equal abandon. Emotions seem to ooze from me, and I make no apologies for that...especially as it seems to increase with each passing year.

My house is a disaster right now. I have piles of laundry to fold, and piles that need to be washed. There are dirty dishes in my sink, and crumbs on my floor (partly because I joyfully allowed baby Max to walk around eating his lunch...and because, there are always crumbs somewhere in my house, it seems.). There are golf balls scattered throughout the house, SGM golf outing items, my thankfulness journal that hasn't been written in for over a week, the manuscript I've been writing for the past several years off and on, nail files, newspapers, and a can of cherry cola on my end tables.

I went to two graduations and ate a plate full of food at each one. I ate more than my boys. Yes, yes I did. After all that Made to Crave talk. Sigh. And, I ate so many cupcakes at last week's staff retirement parties at work that I worked myself into some sort of sugar buzz. My friend Tracy and I were so "sugar tipsy" you would have thought that someone put something in the lemonade! Shameful, I know. I assure you, I'm still eating healthy most of the time. And exercising. Just stumbled off the wagon for a bit, so to speak.

I met a few blog friends at Women of Faith, and I have to admit something. I'm always a little concerned about meeting blog readers in person. I wonder about their perception of me from reading the blog. I wonder if they will be disappointed when they find out I'm such a goof ball and always finding myself in "I Love Lucy"-type moments. I talk too much, and laugh so hard that my whole body jiggles. Sometimes I eat too much, and thoroughly enjoy my food. I'm messy and clumsy. I am much better at writing than knowing what to say in the moment and often regret and replay my words. I care too much what others think and never want anyone to be disappointed. An impossible and unrealistic goal.

A funny story along the lines of meeting people. We were at the (cue Hallelujah Chorus) Cheesecake Factory and we had just taken a "restroom break" and were chatting away while we waited for our table. I was standing by Erin (who really is quite Radiant) and across from Holly and Mattie, when I realized that my zipper was down. The gracious thing to do would be to discreetly return to the restroom and take care of the situation. But, not me. Being the Lucy-girl that I am, I shimmied rather non-discreetly (although I was certainly trying to be discreet!), attempting to use Erin as my shield. I was sort of leaning into her unintentionally and bumping into her with parts of me that often get in the way. She did not realize what I was doing, so kept looking at me a little strangely as I continued to infringe in her personal space. Yes, I drew more attention to my predicament. Finally I explained to Erin what I was doing and she looked a little less concerned about why I was leaning into her!! She had barely met me, so I'm sure she was wondering about me a bit!

These are the kinds of things that happen to me everyday!! I am always messing up, spilling something on myself, and finding myself in embarrassing situations. But, like the great Michael Scott or maybe Forest Gump, I seem to be able to pull it off when I need to and pull it together in a professional way. I will attribute that to God's abundant, never-ending, and always sufficient grace. The bible says He chooses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. And, that His strength is made perfect through our weakness. I suppose He has many opportunities to prove that to be true in my life!!

Anyway, I'm glad there are multi-faceted parts to the person I am. It would be boring if there weren't. And, like I tell the children at school, we should embrace the person God has created us to be, and not waste our time wishing to be someone else. That's why I'm resisting the urge to paint a perfect picture for you. (Which isn't really that easy, because a perfect picture is what I'd really LIKE to present. Unfortunately, it's impossible since there is no perfect picture here...and my constant mishaps have caused me to give up long ago!) If you've met me in real life, you know better anyway. Thankfully, many of you have chosen to stick around, despite my quirks. And, there I'm so glad you have.

Tomorrow, we are helping with the Memorial Day parade and ceremony in our little town, and One Way will be performing a couple songs. Will you pray for us...and pray for some extra grace for the "I Love Lucy" moments that are sure to come? May we have the grace to laugh when they do. Thanks!

If we get a video that turns out, I'll share it. =) Please take some time to remember those who have given their lives to protect the freedoms we enjoy in this great land.

Love to all...

SGM Ice Cream Social 2011 ~ Thank you!

Thanks so much to Rebecca Burner, Steve and Eulene Johnston, my Tims, Heather Spratt, our amazing Harvest Fellowship Church family....and everyone who came out to support the SGM Ice Cream Social today!! We earned $1,000 for Sufficient Grace, and served about 130 people. What a mighty God we serve...and what generous beautiful friends He has blessed us with!! Thank you!!!

We are so excited about our sweet new sign!

Becki and I even found another function for it...great to hide behind when getting your picture taken!

Timothy serving Grandpa Mike...

Tim and I scooping ice cream...

Becki and Steve serving our picnic lunch of hot dogs, chips, and baked beans...

                                                   Enjoying the SGM Ice Cream Social...                                                   

Our friends, Ned and Aidan...

James and Aidan...

Just Being a Mom...

Sometimes I feel like I am wearing too many hats. There is the wife hat, the mom hat, the employee hat, the ministry hat, the friend hat. And, more, of course. Nicole Johnson performed a funny skit that showed all the hats a woman wears at Women of Faith...and she literally stacked each one on her head. It was quite a visual!

Sometimes I find myself longing for less hats. Lately, as Timothy approaches the end of his junior year of high school, and James finishes elementary school, I feel a longing to return to a time when I was only their momma (and Tim's wife, of course!) The slipping away of the minutes, hours, and years that brings us to today leaves me yearning to focus my heart toward home...toward these boys who are quickly becoming young men. Oh...how fleeting this time is.

When I am quiet...at the feet of Jesus, in the still of the night or the wee hours of the early morning....there are no hats. I am simply His...lost in Him. Peace washes over me and burdens are lifted. It is the place I long to be, even as the Martha in me drives me on to the next thing.

I had a prayer time like that last Saturday morning, and it was a sweet release of all that I carry. The day was no less busy, but the burden was lighter and each task less cumbersome. He was with me, bearing the weight. And, I felt joy instead of heaviness. I prepared the SGM shipments for the week, washed James' golf clothes and packed snacks and drinks for the day. The baseball game was canceled, so I went to the church to get Comfort Bears for the rest of the shipments going off to comfort grieving mothers.

I was thinking of all that needed to be done...of the size of the tasks...the endless needs that I never seem to fill. I was thinking how much I want to focus on being the mother my kids need. Life was simpler when that was my only focus. There was peace in my heart as I walked through the to-do list, but the thoughts were floating through my mind. What am I called to do, Lord, with all this busy? I walked through the church to the kitchen, picked up the bag of bears, turned off the lights, locked the doors.

When I opened the back of the Jeep, I stopped, struck by the sight. There were golf clubs and bat bags filled with tools boys need to be boys...ready for the activities of the day. And, on top, I gently placed the bag of Comfort Bears.

There they were, all together, in the back of my Jeep.

Bat bags...

Golf clubs...

And Comfort Bears...

Evidence that I am a mother. A mother to Timothy (almost senior in high school), James (almost middle schooler), and Faith, Grace, and Thomas (dancing in heaven). As I looked at the evidence filling the vehicle, my heart swelled.

And God whispered to my heart...

"You are just being their mother. You are just being a mom....to all your children."

SGM Happenings and Operation Support Sufficient Grace~ How You Can Help

There are so many events coming up with Sufficient Grace, and the Gerken family is busy, busy, busy. I always forget just how busy this time of year is. The inertia of being carried along by our schedule seems to take me by surprise each May, as we scurry about to finish up another school year for the boys and me, spend our evenings at the baseball diamond, our Saturdays on the golf course watching the boys' tournaments, our Sundays singing praises, and the rest of our time planning SGM fundraiser events! I'm tired just typing all of that!

Our calendar is filling fast, and we are prayerfully planning the upcoming Operation Support Sufficient Grace events. There are new projects on our hearts for SGM that we will reveal soon, and we're looking forward to seeing the ways God continues to lead and grow this ministry. One idea we have is to switch from a basket, (which is not good for shipping, is bulky and expensive)....to a tote, designed with the SGM logo, filled with the Dreams of You book, bear, and other items for grieving mamas. This will make it easier to ship products to hospitals. We are currently working with our printers to design the tote and will reveal it as soon as it's finished!

Which brings me to another subject on our hearts....

In the past, Sufficient Grace has offered our products to families free of charge. God has always faithfully provided through the generous hearts of so many beautiful people (including many of you), and it has been a blessing to behold. We have, however, asked that hospitals, funeral homes, and others would give a suggested donation in exchange for the materials. With budget cuts across the board, due to a struggling economy, we are seeing less and less hospitals utilizing this resource. Most of our current packages go to individual families, but we would really like to see more hospitals able to provide this service for their patients.

Last year, we developed an idea for others to help defray costs for the hospitals and SGM by sponsoring families and hospitals. If you are able to give in this way, please prayerfully consider doing so. Several people have donated to sponsor an individual, an item, or an entire hospital this year, and because of that, many more families have been comforted in their grief. This has also been a beautiful way that some families have given back in memory of their own child...reaching out to comfort and bless other parents with broken hearts. I hope you will prayerfully consider joining this effort.

To find out more about how you can help sponsor a family or hospital, CLICK HERE. To go directly to the donate page, click here.

Next Sunday May 22, 2011, we will be hosting the SGM Ice Cream Social at our church, Harvest Fellowship, directly following the service from 11:30am-1:30pm. There will be a light picnic-style lunch and ice cream sundaes with toppings. A free will donation will be taken. Proceeds will benefit Sufficient Grace.

                                        

On June 4, 2011, we will be hosting the fourth annual SGM Golf Outing at the Country Acres Golf Club in Kalida, Ohio. Some of you may be saying, "I'm not a golfer. I don't live nearby." There are MANY other ways you can help, if you feel led to do so. First of all, please pray!!! Pray for the weather...pray for the turnout...pray that the time would be a blessing to all...pray for generous sponsors...pray that SGM and many families will be blessed and this event would bear much fruit....pray that I will be focused on the Lord, and not distracted or overwhelmed by all there is to do! =)

Second, you may not be able to attend the event....but you could consider being a sponsor. It is a great advertisement for your business or blog, or you could sponsor as an individual. Some families sponsor in memory of a loved one. Some just sponsor because they feel led. Not only do we put a sign up at our event at each hole to recognize those who donate, but we also put a sign with all the sponsors up at each speaking event throughout the year and we post a thank you on our blog and website. In addition to sponsors, we also accept donation of prizes for our golfers. All of these things defray the costs of the event, and help to support the outreaches of SGM.

There are several sponsorship opportunities:
Sponsor a hole: $100 or share a sponsorship for $50
Sponsor beverages (non-alcoholic): $150
Sponsor the dinner: $250

We are still looking for golfers and sponsors. Deadline is May 29th to make sure we can put up your sign at the event. You can mail donations to Sufficient Grace Ministries; P.O. Box 243; Deshler, Ohio 43516 or donate securely online by using our donate button. Just list the words you would like on your sign in the message section on the donation form. We will share pictures of the signs with those who donate. Please prayerfully consider supporting this event. Email me if you have any questions:
sufficientgraceministries at gmail dot com.

Coming in August, our friend Dave Amspoker will be hosting the annual Ride4Grace motorcycle run on Sunday, August 21, 2011 in the afternoon. Details to come!

Tim and I are also helping with this year's community Memorial Day Parade and will be performing music, as well.

Whew! Looks like it's going to be another busy and fun Summer! I can't wait to see what God has in store for the next step on this adventure. I'm so grateful for those of you who have walked with us and offered your love and support in various ways. It's a beautiful thing to see God's people working together and multiplying the blessings as they serve and give in love. Thank you for your part in that.

Love to all...

Thoughts on Stomach Flu and Life, My Weight Loss so Far and the Final Made to Crave

Looks like blogger deleted my post and the comments, so I'm reposting this. Not sure what is going on?!!


I have had the stomach flu for a couple days. This may not seem like a big deal, and in the grand scheme of life, it isn’t. What you may not know is that nausea and especially vomiting are sort of like going back to ‘Nam for me. I know…no one likes to vomit. But, it’s a mini-post traumatic stress thing for me. You see, I was violently ill with the last three of my four pregnancies. I’m not talking about some morning sickness here. I mean vomiting every hour until my insides were raw, being hospitalized, having my liver and heart in danger (with the twins). Day and night…spending the part of each hour I wasn’t throwing up focusing on not throwing up. It was worse with the twins and not a whole lot better with Thomas. I was similar with James. This cycle lasted in that severity for the first five months, although I continued to vomit almost daily for the duration of the pregnancy. My body has been damaged to the point where my digestive system is still sensitive to this day. The sweetest tasting meals were always after giving birth.

So….now whenever I have the flu, some survival part of my psyche kicks in and I begin to think that I will be this way for nine months, rather than 24-48 hours. Fear and despair overcome me, and I remember the trauma…of being that sick, not being able to care for my home and family, watching my young marriage falter, losing three of my five children…all of it. It isn’t reasonable. It’s just what happens.

But, when I am well again, like this morning…it’s as if I’ve been given a new lease on life. Everything tastes sweeter, and I am grateful for health and birds singing. Grateful for the taste of strawberries and iced tea (this morning’s breakfast of choice). It makes me think about how bitter suffering is, but the joy on the other side of the trial is always the sweetest-tasting. It’s true with stomach flu, and it’s true in life.
Reminds me of a couple of my favorite verses:
Hebrews 12:2
… looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame…

And a promise that has proven true time and time again in my life:

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.


And now…our Final Made to Crave

I would like to open with my weight loss thus far in this journey:

I began at:
 148
This morning’s weight:
135

Weight loss so far:
13 pounds!!!! =)

Even though we are reaching the end of reading this book, I hope we can continue to encourage one another. Our friend Kate has had some victory through her weight loss, as well as our friend, Sue. And, I’m hoping the rest of you are sticking with it, even if we haven’t heard much from you…ahem. =)

The journey doesn’t end here. I believe that for those of us who struggle with food issues, it may be a lifelong battle. God gives us the victory, but we have to trust in Him and look to Him for strength…especially in moments of weakness. Maybe it’s a little like a thorn in the flesh.

Why Diets Don’t Work
I liked what Lysa had to say in this chapter. It’s important to recognize that we are not on a diet, but a journey of self-discipline with Jesus. Think of it as a new way at looking at food. A healthy way. She mentioned planning what she would eat for the day. I have found that to be in the past, and currently a very helpful way to resist temptation. It makes it less about what I “can’t” have and more about what I “can” have. 
 I also liked that she addressed some of the legalistic ideas I’ve been battling as I read this book. I don’t want to forever feel guilty if I indulge in a piece of birthday cake (Although, I had a piece everyday for a few days last week…and I wouldn’t encourage that!). We are free in Christ, after all.

“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial.
(I Corinth. 10:23)

The Very Next Choice we Make
“Holiness doesn’t just deal with my spiritual life; it very much deals with my physical life as well.” Pg. 168

Yes…God does care about how we take care of our bodies. Our spiritual health is very much connected with our physical health, and the two can’t be separated.

Loved this quote from Lysa, “Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for When we are stuffed full of other things and never allow ourselves to be in a place of longing, we don’t recognize the deeper spiritual battle going on.”
Page 170, “We maintain our victories with each next choice.”

She talks about dealing with our problems rather than “snacking away at them”. About craving God, worshipping Him alone, longing for Him, relying on Him for strength.

It’s wonderful to see the scale go down, I’ll admit. But, there is a deeper goal…a more precious treasure. It’s the attitude of our hearts that will bring lasting change. It’s the One we are clinging to that matters most.

This journey, this victory happens on choice at a time.

I found the correlation of the rats eating junk food to the response in heroin addicts to be unsettling…and probably quite true. I’m not surprised that those of us with a weakness for junk food react like addicts when filling our bodies with such things. Unsettling…in a good way. A way that delivers.

I like how Lysa spoke of this journey being more about what we’re gaining than what we’re losing. So true. We are gaining sweet freedom, ladies…and a deeper walk with Jesus, as we learn to cling to Him alone.

This line from pg. 183 speaks to the core of my heart,

“You, Messiah, are the best match for my mess.”

Yes…this side of heaven, I may always be a mess. O.k….I am most certain to be a mess. But, my Jesus is the best match for my mess. And, even with all my issues (and there are a bunch, dear sister!), He loves me just as I am. Amen.


We were not made for defeat....we were made for more. I hope you have been encouraged by this book study. And, I hope you will continue the journey as I plan to do as well. I'll keep you posted on my progress, and I hope you'll stay in touch too. And, if you've fallen behind...don't give up. You were made for more...you were made for victory. Keep clinging to the One who will set you free.

Giveaway Winners (My Forever Child and I Will Carry You)

The winner of the My Forever Child $50 gift certificate is Kami Rude from My Beautiful Day.

Congratulations beautiful mama!
------------------------------------------------

And...the winner of the book,  I Will Carry You (autographed by Angie Smith)

is Jennifer from His Grace is Sufficient!

Congratulations beautiful mama!

Made to Crave will be a couple days late again...sorry about that. Hope to get to it by Wednesday! =)

Mother's Day Love and a My Forever Child Giveaway

*COMMENTS CLOSED...WINNER TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON

Love and prayers for all the mamas on this Mother's Day...

...to the moms whose own mothers are dancing in heaven.

...to the moms whose babies are in heaven.

...to the moms with diapers to change.

...to the moms with carpool to drive.

...to the moms with an empty nest, and to those whose nest is full.

...to the moms praying wearily next to a hospital bed.

...to the moms praying for their soldier to return home safely.

...to the hearts longing for motherhood.

...to the stay-at-home moms.

...to the working moms.

...to all the beautiful moms.

...we salute you and pray God's blessings for you this Mother's Day!

--------------------------------------

Sufficient Grace Ministries would like to bless a special mother, today, with a $50 gift certificate from My Forever Child. Just leave a comment on this post to enter.

Surrendering...and Places I Don't Wanna Go

It’s early Saturday morning and I’m sitting in the bathroom of a hotel in Columbus (at Women of Faith) on the edge of the bathtub as I type this. Having trouble with internet connectivity, so I’m writing in Word to copy and paste to my blog later. (O.K….really I’m too lazy to walk down to the front desk to pay the fee to connect to the internet…and don’t want to wake my roommate by calling downstairs.)

I awoke with the words rolling around in my head, gripping me, stirring my heart, moving me to the cold edge of the bathtub to release them before meeting the rest of the ladies for today’s conference.

I posted already about some fun parts of our weekend. And, I promise there will be more fun posts. Posts with pictures of the lovely ladies who joined us for this weekend of inspiration and encouragement. Posts of bloggers I have now hugged in real life…mothers who also have said good bye to their children. Posts that share some of the “I Love Lucy-like” mishaps that always seem to find me. But, this post is for releasing the relentless words on my heart.

I have so much to tell you about some of the insights of the speakers and the ways the Holy Spirit has spoken through each one. But, last night it was Lisa Harper’s testimony that cut me to the core. She was talking about one of her family members getting saved…a person she thought would never bow his knee and allow grace to wash over Him at the foot of the cross…redeeming his soul…setting him free…. mending all that was broken between them…lifting the weight of sin he had carried long and heavy.

When she spoke of the day, God moved that mountain and saved that weary soul, she began with my mother’s verse…my verse…the verse that One Way is named for…the promise I have clung to through many dark nights.

John 14:6 – Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Lisa shared how he kept reading…this newly redeemed soul until what I refer to as Thomas’ verses. Not just the Thomas of the Bible. My Thomas.

John 20
“Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed.”

That got my attention. The verses themselves already had me in a puddle of tears…as I felt my heavenly Father’s love…His hand reaching down to touch those tender places, caressing the ache of my soul with His promises.

But…there was more.

Has God ever asked you to go get someone…to love them with the love of Jesus? Someone who has left you with a hole in your heart…or maybe someone you just don’t connect with. It could be someone who irritates you, didn’t meet your expectations, someone that you wonder if it might not ever be possible for them to find their way to the cross. And, even if they did, they would never bend their knee…never lay it all down.

He’s asking me. He’s been asking for awhile. Persistent, that God of mine. But, I don’t want to go. Loving this person with the love of Jesus brings up all kinds of feelings that are safely tucked away. Feelings that hurt too much, even to brush the surface.

So, I wept while Lisa talked and God’s words permeated my heart. I wept, and started the journey to surrender. I know there’s beauty in the dying. Beauty in the laying down of it all. I know that’s the place where He lives…

--------------------------------------------------- 

I wrote the above words early Saturday morning, but that was only the beginning of God’s message for me. He drove His point home as Nicole Johnson held up her white patent leather shoes and spoke of the day she took tiny steps unto a witness stand and made an impossible choice in her little five-year-old voice.

I sat high in Nationwide Arena, undone…stripped bare. Telling God, I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to go. Please….and the tears fell, fat and bitter from the deepest part of my heart.

Nicole so eloquently shared a sentiment I’ve often said myself, with different words…but the same idea:

“Life’s greatest value is in the broken pieces.”

So true…I just wish it were easier to be broken, surrendered, and put back together again. It hurts to visit places that we have kept safe and hidden, to open them up, and give them to God. It hurts to surrender. But, it is all for our good. You, see God doesn't want to leave us in our broken messes. He has already healed so many of mine, but He isn't finished yet. He wants to mend all of my brokenness...to bring beauty from all the ugly, just as He's done so many times before.

Made to Crave ~ A Bit Behind, but Still Here Slugging it Out

Hey girls,

So sorry I'm late with this week's Made to Crave. I know a lot of you have fallen behind, so maybe we can all give each other some grace here. (You know it's my favorite thing!) It may seem like I've been off doing everything but focusing on this getting healthy journey, but the truth is I've been filling up spiritually...along with running around like a crazy woman planning SGM events, going to baseball, gearing up for golf tournaments, drowning under my piles in a messy house, falling behind with ministry work, and wrapping up another school year at work. You know, stuff like that. But, I want to focus on the getting full spiritually part, because isn't that the whole point of this study?

I spent some time with some beautiful women at the Women of Faith Conference this past weekend. And, I felt free and full as I listened to each speaker grazing the places I have hidden deep in my heart with their words of truth. As if God spoke through each one, His Holy Spirit piercing my heart...leaving me weeping, stripping me of the hiding. I'll talk more about all of that in my Women of Faith posts. But, just wanted to share that as difficult as it was to feel all of the emotion and not stuff it under a pound of cheesecake, I allowed the feelings and didn't numb them. I ate my lettuce wraps and stopped at half a piece of cheesecake. And, as terrifying as feeling some of the emotions of the weekend was for me, it was also cleansing. I came home feeling more full, even as I had emptied so much in my tears. I felt loved by the circle of friends, and lighter as I knew He had lifted some of the burden when the speaker's words took me to a place I rarely go, and I simply wept in my seat at the height of the stadium and said, "Oh Lord, I don't want to do that...I don't want to feel this. I don't want to go where you're asking me to go." And, even in my agony, I knew He was leading me to the place I dreaded  in order to set me free, and I knew I would go in His strength. It's hard to feel stuff without being able to numb the pain with food. But, I felt it all. And, it was good. Achingly, desperately good. Not to sound too much like a psycho-babbly bumper sticker, but feeling is the path to healing. (I know...a bit cheesy but true)

As far as this week's Made to Crave chapters...here are some of my favorite parts.

I love the correlation of trusting God daily for our portion of manna in chapter 13...resisting overindulgence...practicing the art of clinging to Him and Him alone.

Loved the verses in Lamentations 3...about His mercies new every morning, His compassions that never fail...that He is our portion, we wait on Him. Great is His faithfulness! YES, Lord!!

I'm not ready to talk a lot about Chapter 14, but maybe soon the words will come spilling out. It is a chapter that resonated with the very core of what I mentioned above. The places that I have kept hidden...the hurts that I do my best not to revisit. The empty I have tried to fill with the wrong things. First, let me just say: Jesus is enough to fill those empty places. I know and believe that. And, I am His. But, somewhere else where those hurts are raw and unhealed, because I have kept them hidden instead of offering them up to the One who can make it right in my heart even if it's never right in this world....in that place there is work to be done. And, He is working. He is relentlessly pursuing me on this very subject. For the very hurts that Lysa mentioned are the beginning of my own journey...my own battle. Please pray for me as He works, and I feel the hidden hurts. I would love to pray for you as well. I'm sure we all have hurts that are part of why we struggle with this issue.

Oh, my. I'll be honest...I'm just reading this week's chapters as I'm writing. And, Chapter 15 is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been struggling a bit with the strict adherence to the eating plan. Feeling guilty for taking even a bite of an unnecessary food. But, this chapter explains it. I don't have to be this strict forever, but I do for a season. Because, God wants me free...and I'm not strong enough yet, to indulge. Not yet.

As Lysa says on page 149, "And the power was to acknowledge that I'm not yet at a place where I can handle a few chips. My brokenness cannot support that kind of freedom."

Love this strategy on pg. 150: "I had to stop thinking about what I shouldn't have and park my mind on thoughts of being thankful for what I could have." Ladies...that's not just true for food...but everything in life!

Boundaries are our friend!

Sisters...we were made for more! Let's live like it. Praying for each of you this week and hoping to hear how you're doing on this journey. Please encourage one another in the comments, and forgive my lateness. And...don't forget to hop over and show some love to our friend Kate and congratulate her on her weight loss! Yay, Kate!

Next week, we will wrap up this study, but if you are just getting started, you can revisit the Made to Crave posts at your convenience. We hope to encourage one another. The book may be almost finished, but the journey has just begun.

SGM Trip to Women of Faith, Hugging Blogger Friends., a giveaway...and ANGIE SMITH!!!

I have so much to share...so many pictures, so many words, so many amazing things on my heart. Much of what God spoke to my heart this weekend will have to come in other posts...it's just too much for one!


This weekend, the ladies of Sufficient Grace, along with some in real life friends and blogger friends (16 total) traveled to  the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio to hear this brave, beautiful woman share her testimony of how God carried her as she carried her Audrey Caroline....

There may have also been some cheesecake at the (enter Hallelujah Chorus) Cheesecake Factory...

Now before my Made to Crave peeps get worried, check out these delicious and healthy lettuce wraps I chose as my main course:

We also shared some tears...and a whole lot of crazy laughter...

Some surprises...like hearing Laura Story sing her heart-piercing song Blessings...

Some dancing by the edge of a very steep and high in the air drop by a much-braver-than-me Holly. Holly was getting her groove ON to some Mary, Mary!

I was holding on with a white-knuckled grip to the railing with one hand and my friend Stephanie with the other, while inching to my seat on jello legs, as Holly danced with abandon. But, I thoroughly enjoyed her freedom. It was a welcome distraction to the images in my head of me plunging to a gruesome death at the bottom of Nationwide Arena. I love that girl. Not just because she's fearless, even when we're miles in the air. But, also because of this:

We enjoyed the brisk walk to and and from the conference....

                                 But quickly learned the importance of landmark amongst female navigators when we couldn't find our way back to the parking garage. I took a picture to remember. Stacie, a former secretary, took notes. For the record, her way was much more effective.

Riding the elevator, full of anticipation...

Nancy on the left and Stephanie on my right...some pretty special gals to have alongside you on life's journey...

And, this picture below...this picture is the one I wasn't going to share. You see, it depicts me in a less than flattering pose...and that just can't be done in blog world. We must present the perfect picture, right? And an unflattering picture just won't do! But, it was too funny and too full of the real me not to share it. And, this weekend has been about freedom.

So, let me tell you what's going on in the picture below. The lovely Mattie and Holly's sweet little pixie of a cousin Amber are to my left. You all know Holly, and that's the lovely Erin to Holly's right. Of course, our Lainey-girl is in the middle. Now, I was excited to see these girls...to hug them in real life. And, we needed a picture. So, I climbed over some chairs and thought I could just squeeze in between Holly's and Amber's seats real quick. Sounded good...but here's the thing.

You know how some really big dogs, like maybe a Saint Bernard or bloodhound might think they are little lap dogs and just jump right up on you like a tiny chihuahua...only they aren't so tiny. Well that's what this picture reminds me of. It's like I'm the Saint Bernard squishing the life out of little Amber. I'm sort of turned at a funny angle to squeeze in, which just makes it look even more like a big dog climbing on to a little lap, squeezing into a tiny space!! If you look closely, Amber does look slightly afraid! =) 

I love the girls of Sufficient Grace...

And, let me just take a moment to talk about this sweet Lainey. She was an angel throughout the entire conference. She happily bounced on our knees, was loved on and passed around, chewed on our necklaces, nursed when she was hungry, and just happily went along. We all had a chance for some Lainey love!

Love this pic with Mattie and laid-back Lainey...

The conference was full of inspiring speakers and beautiful worship. I have much to share from the words of Sheila Walsh, Nicole Johnson, and others. Words that God used to speak to the very depths of my heart, peeling back some of my layers. But, for this post...there's only one speaker that I want to focus on.

Our very own, Angie Smith...

She took the stage, and we knew that every step to that platform was a battle. Angie struggles with anxiety. To take that stage alone is a challenge, but to take that stage to share the story that brushes the most tender places of her heart...that is a Goliath- sized giant of a challenge. But, Angie belongs to a big God. So she took the steps, and charmed us with her down to earth humor and grace. The reason we love her is that when we read her blog or talk to her, it is like we are sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade with an old friend. She is real, and compassionate, and holds none of it back.

Below, you'll find another reason I can identify with sweet Angie. She talks with her hands and moves around so much that was hard to get a picture of her that wasn't blurry! I might know a girl like that! ;)

We've read the story of Audrey Caroline. We know the beauty of Angie's heart wrenching journey as she trusted the God who carried her. We know the God to "whom she belongs". We know it, not only because of the eloquent, honest way she has written it on her blog and in her book, but because we have walked that path. We have danced our own "sacred dance of grief and joy". After listening to Angie speak, I leaned down to the mothers in our group, and said, "Angie was wonderful, but I want you to know that you are just as amazing and beautiful. Her story is our story as well. You are mothers who have walked this path, and chose to trust Him. The same God who carried Angie, carried  all of us."

Any of us could tell a similar tale of beauty from ashes...

We walked that path. We heard those awful words. We waited for our babies. We trusted in God, when we couldn't see. We held our babies in our arms for a brief moment and released them to the arms of Jesus. We clung to Him when our hearts were broken into tiny, shattered pieces and the ache was a canyon of sorrow with no relief. We cling to Him still.

We wept with Angie and felt like we were standing there with her, as she told her story, Audrey's   

           story, God's story...

         our story.

And, then we waited in line to meet this woman we call friend in our hearts. While in line, I met a beautiful mother named Rebecca, mommy to Charlie, who shared a bit of her son's story. She was also looking forward to hugging the woman whose story resonated with her, as she grieved her son.

The anticipation mounts as we wait...Erin and I look forward eagerly.

We had been hoping to meet Angie, and she had emailed back that she would like to see us as well. This was her first event, so we weren't sure when we could schedule our rendezvous. She was a bit busy after all! ;) Angie has such a compassionate heart, and would probably talk to everyone if she could. But, the staff was trying to keep her to a schedule. So, finding time to meet proved difficult. I wasn't sure if it would even work, and kept praying that God would work it out. I so did not want the ladies in our group to be disappointed. She emailed me that maybe we could meet her at the book signing. So we grabbed our books and hopped in line early.

The staff was trying to hurry her along, and they were cutting off the line. I leaned over to one of them and said, "We are from Sufficient Grace, and it would mean so much for these mothers to meet Angie. She had emailed us that we could meet her here." They nodded, but said she had to catch a flight and to keep it moving.

It was my turn, and I stepped forward to meet the author of the first blog I ever read.

I began, "I'm Kelly Gerken from Sufficient Grace."

And, her face lit up as she squealed and hugged me tight...looking as excited to hug us, a we felt to meet and hug her. Like long lost friends, we embraced. We are Sundays after all. I never thought I'd feel this way about women I met on the internet. Only God could knit hearts together in such a way.

We hugged and she said she had told the staff when they cut off the line, "Make sure the Sufficient Grace girls are in the line."

That blessed us beyond words. I can't tell you what those moments were like as the line was held up and everything else, but the flashes of cameras and the tears falling stopped, while mothers with a common bond shared stories about babies that dwell in heaven. I introduced the moms and one by one they embraced Angie as she listened with compassion...weeping with those who weep as only one who has wept herself can. She would say she is an ugly crier...something like a "deranged gopher", I believe? But, I would say that watching her cry with these women I love was one of the most beautiful sights of this weekend for me. The bond we mothers share is a special one. It is unlike anything else.

We thanked her for telling "our story"...for being our voice...for glorifying God.

And, then...speaking of mothers and our common bond...

It was Holly's turn to step up and meet Angie. While we were waiting in line to meet Angie, Lainey started to fuss. So, Holly did what mama's do when their babies are hungry. She slapped on her Udder Cover and nursed the babe. When it was time to meet Angie, Holly was still feeding a happy Lainey. Angie, being the sweet-friend-sipping-lemonade-on-the-porch that she is wanted to meet little Lainey....I'll let Holly tell you what happened next on her blog, as cameras snapped and mama's shared!

I have so much more to say, but my eyes are bleary from all of the crying, laughing, and late night after-prom chaperoning (upon arriving home, I went straight to prom and did not get to bed until 4a.m.!) that occurred this weekend. I love every one of the ladies that came with us, and will cherish the moments of absolute deep belly laughter and deranged gopher crying tears we shared as God spoke to our hearts throughout this weekend. It was a grand adventure...that even included an unfortunate incident with our car and a deer on the way home. All was well (except for the deer, of course), thanks to Becki's cool handed driving, a mighty tough orange jeep, and a God whose hand was upon His girls who giggled their way home.

It was two days filled with "Daddy's little girl moments" and I'm so grateful for the women who were there to share it all.

Love you, girls...

P.S. You didn't think I forgot about those of you who couldn't make it, did you? You know, there's nothing we like more than sharing the blessing. So...the book Angie was signing in the picture. That was for one of you! If you would like to be entered to win an autographed copy of Angie's book, I Will Carry You, please mention it in the comments of this post.