Birthday Girls

Thirteen years ago today, on the first snowfall of the year, two precious souls made their brief appearance on this earth. Two little girls, my only daughters, filled my arms for but a moment on that snowy November afternoon. Sometimes I think about what it might be like if they were here. I would have three teenagers filling our little house. Oh my! There would be a plethora of accessories the likes of which I have never known as the mama of boys. We would definitely not survive with only one bathroom as we do now!

There would be dances and dresses, giggling and soul-searching heart-to-hearts. As the mother of teenagers, I know it wouldn't always be smooth-sailing, and we would have so much to pray for protection from in this world of ours. But, on certain days, I notice what's missing in this land of boy world in which I live, this land that I dearly love.

I may look like a boy mama through and through. I may not know how to do little-girl hair. I may shout at football games and know whether a player sliding into home is safe or out during the baseball game. I may even express strong opinions about it if my son is playing. I may know how to get grass stains out of a white uniform way better than I could fasten a hair pretty or dress a Barbie. My purse may be filled with golf balls, tees, hot wheels cars and transformers. You may not see any evidence when you look at me, but I am still the mother of daughters. They just weren't here long enough for me to learn how to do all of those girly things.

But...

They are waiting for me. And, we will have all of eternity for hair pretties and tea parties...soul-searching heart-to-hearts and deep belly giggles. We will do it all in a place where daddy will not have to worry about protecting his baby girls from harm, and I won't have to stay awake at night praying that they will always walk with the Lord. They have walked with the Lord from the first moment of their lives. The have literally walked with Him on streets of gold. They walk with Him, even now...as I wait and dream my dreams of their long, brown wavy hair filled with pink ribbons. (I'm sure ribbons stay perfectly in heaven, and perhaps I will even have the expertise to fasten them just right...or maybe someone with the gift of "hair pretties" can help us out! Even better, hopefully we will have no need of hair pretties in heaven! =)

I recorded a little song (not sure the title or author of this song...just one that I've heard for years, and speaks of the longing for heaven - the longing to sit before His throne). I wanted to share it on Faith's and Grace's birthday, but the sound quality is, of course, below par (since it's just on my little digital camera). Someday, we will get the recording studio built and I will be able to share better quality recordings, but for now...this was on my heart. It isn't meant to show any singing expertise (obviously)...just a mama singing to her baby girls and a daughter singing to her Father.



I miss you, sweet girls. I love you and wish you a happy, happy heavenly birthday.

We Remember

In our hearts we know that we will meet again,
In a place where moments last forever,
And good-byes are never said...
There are no tears in heaven,
Joy and laughter never end...
And we pass the time as we wait with all our dreams of you...
Copyright 2009 Dreams of You Memory Book, by Kelly Gerken


Faith Elizabeth Gerken
Grace Katherine Gerken
Children of Tim and Kelly Gerken
Born still and into the arms of Jesus ~ November 3, 1996

Thomas Patrick Gerken
Son of Tim and Kelly Gerken
Born: July 14, 1998
With us for six amazing hours until Jesus carried Him home...

Kelly Michelle Sponsler
Child of Tracy and Ned Sponsler
Born still and into the arms of Jesus ~ March 12, 2003

Meredith Helen Boyette
(Stan & Sarita)
10/03/74 - 10/06/74

Sarita's sister
Janet Susan Barton
Stillborn 10/07/41

Nephew
Joshua Gregory Myers
(John & Christina)
2/10/90 - 2/11/90

Cousin
Cason Ray Adams

(Waylon & Leigh Ann)
June -August, 2001
6 weeks old
Please, Lord, after I get to Heaven and face Your wonderful Presence, please bring these babies for me to hold.

Cooper, Lee, Seth and Baby Boy Williams
Parents and Sister: Erica, Adam and Larah Williams
"Love Begins Before A Baby Is Born...And Lives Forever"

Calvin Phoenix
Parents Name: Louie and Crystal
Birth Date: March 5, 2009
Entered Heaven: March 5, 2009
Message/Verse: "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord" (1 Samuel 1:27-28).

Macsen Danforth Gebhardt
Megan and Michael Gebhardt
December 15th, 2009
Hebrews 12:1 I press on toward the goal, knowing God is with me,
and that you my sweet boy are watching! I love you forever!


Alanna Faith D'Addazio
Daughter of Aurelio & Ramona, sister to Annika, Andrea, Emma, Ava & Kelty
Born July 21, 2009, with us for 10 1/2 precious hours before she was born again into Jesus' arms.

Chaya Eliana
11/06/08, stillborn at 6 1/2 months gestation

Zachary Joseph
04/08, early miscarriage

Olivia Rose
02/07, early miscarriage
Parents (of the above three): Shannon White and Mike Rea

Connor Thomas
03/05, early miscarriage
Parents: Shannon White and T.H. O'Rourke

Patrick Quinn
06/98, early miscarriage
Parents: Shannon White and Doug Dills

Sam (Samuel)
Parents Name: Danielle & Jeff Holsapple
Birth Date: 3/4/08
Entered Heaven: 3/4/08
We named our son Sam and he was born on 3/4. I looked up the chapter 3, verse 4 in 1 Samuel and it has been an amazing comfort to me.
4 Then the LORD called Samuel.
Samuel answered, "Here I am."
I just imagine our Father calling to our son and welcoming him with open arms....and I imagine it was peaceful and wonderous!!!

Jordan Leigh
December 19, 2002
Carleigh McKenna
Parents Name: Anthony & Holly Haas
Birth Date: March 28, 2009
Entered Heaven: March 28, 2009
She was born silent to this world but her little life spoke volumes.

Faith Evangeline
Parents Name: Mike & Karen
Birth Date: 10/28/08
Entered Heaven: 10/28/08
Safe in the arms of Jesus,
Safe on His gentle breast;
There by His love o’ershaded,
Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Cicely Grace Dortenzo
Parents:Katy and Josh Dortenzo
Birth Date: 3/13/03
Entered Heaven: 3/13/03
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Tatum Cate
Parents Name: Jarod and Paige Thomas
Birth Date:5/15/08
Entered Heaven: same
"who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:4


Vayden James
Parents Name: Van & Stephanie Stewart
Birth Date: 05/23/2009 @ midnight
Entered Heaven: 05/23/2009 @ 3:45am
He touched the hearts and lives of many, he is my very own angel. He is, my son.


Isaiah Christopher Ross
Parents Name: Christopher & Jennifer Ross
Birth Date: August 3, 2008
Entered Heaven: August 3, 2008
Our love for you is immeasurable. You have been the greatest loss of our lives. Until we meet again...
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give
you hope and a future."


Kasey
Parents Name: Kevin and Nicolle
Birth Date: 11.16.08
Entered Heaven: 12.09.08
I love you to the moon and back

Gage Warren Pruitt
Parents Name: Charles and Mary Pruitt
Birthdate: October 13, 2008
Entered Heaven: July 7, 2009
We miss you beanbob. I love you through and through.

Leila Mae Wasouf
Parents: Yasar and Emily Wasouf
5/21/2009 10:54pm
5/21/2009 somewhere around 10pm
My beautiful girl, I hope you're having a wonderful time in heaven. I'm sure you're charming the pants off of everyone. My empty arms hurt, and I can't wait for the day when I get to hold you in them again. I love you, habibi. See you soon!

Grady Thomas
Parents Name: Gibson and Tonya
Birth Date: November 12, 2008
Entered Heaven: November 11, 2008
Born into heaven. Living in our hearts.


Wyatt Nathaniel Finchum
Parents Name: Joseph and Danielle Finchum
Birth Date: 6/1/2009 10:03 am
Entered Heaven: 6/1/2009 10:05 am
I'm honored to be your mother. To carry you, nurture you, to give you life, and to give you peacefully back into the arms of Jesus. I love you my sweet son. The world is a better place for being graced with your presence. I'll hold you again soon and this time,... I'll never let you go.

Peyton Elizabeth Binder
Kristin & Andrew Binder
Birth Date 9/4/08
Entered Heaven: 10/2/08
At less than six pounds Peyton fought with the heart of a prize fighter. We miss you, our sweet baby girl. You are forever in our hearts.


Baby Boy - 12 weeks
Paul & Caroline Croley
Entered Heaven: 2/10/06

Baby - 8 wksPaul & Caroline Croley
Entered Heaven: 12/01/07
We never got to hold you or see you but we love you & can't wait for the day we get to see you both.

Levi Craig Smith
Parents: Josh and Amy Smith
Birth Date: 4/30/2009
Entered Heaven: 4/30/2009
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Baby Boy- 18 weeks
Parents- Robb and Heather Hamm
Birth Date - 9/4/09
Entered Heaven -9/4/09


Ethan McKinley
Parents Name: Brian and Cecilia Long
Birth Date: April 28, 2009
Entered Heaven: April 28, 2009
In our arms for a moment, but in our hearts always.
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Eva Genelle Clearfield
Parents' names: Daniel and Jessica
Birth Date: June 8, 2009
Entered Heaven: September 19, 2009
Psalm 139:16 "....All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Our sweet Eva fought so hard to stay with her family in spite of her partial trisomy 18 and a heart defect. She held on as long as she could and gave her family, including big sister Hannah, a lifetime of memories. Thank you for staying with us, if only for a while. All our love, until we meet again.


Duncan Thomas
Parents Name: Jim & Monica Gregory
Birth Date: May 19, 2009
Entered Heaven: May 19, 2009
We choose to rejoice in the brevity of your life, sweet boy.

Hudson Greer
Parents Name: John & Kimberly Henninger
Birth Date: January 16, 2009
Entered Heaven: January 16, 2009
For all the precious children whose footprints are forever ingrained in our hearts we still dream our dreams of you until we meet again. (Dreams Of You Memory Book)

Samuel Micah, Josiah Kent, Anna Gabrielle
Parents Name: Kyle and Lynnette Kraft
Birth Date: Samuel-7/1/92, Josiah-1/15/95, Anna-7/25/98
Entered Heaven: Samuel-7/13/92, Josiah-1/20/95, Anna-11/19/04
Samuel, Josiah and Anna... I am at peace knowing that your lives were for a divine purpose. While I mourned my great losses so deeply, God has made me to dance again. Who would have thought that 13 days, 5 days and 6 years could make such a difference? They did. You did. Each of your lives was special, and purposeful and each of you is loved and missed and longed for. I can't wait until the day we all live together for eternity! We won't just see each other again... we'll LIVE together again... eternal hugs, kisses, laughter, and praising our Father who has given us that precious gift. Until then... my heart will go on singing. Until then... with joy I'll carry on...Until the day my eyes behold the city... Until the day God calls me home.


Morgan Alyssa
Parent's name: April Yodock
Birth date and angel date: September 8th, 2008
http//www.mysecondpregnancypw.blogspot.com

Grace Ola O'Brien Pang
Chelsea and Aaron Pang
9/17/09
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.
Before you were born, I set you apart."
Jeremiah 1:5

Andrew John
Parents Name: Steve & Shelly
Birth Date: May 14, 2009
Entered Heaven: May 14, 2009
Andrew, we miss you and love you so much. We will see you again very soon.

McKynzie Nicole and McKayla Latrice
Parents Names: Natosha and Joseph Porter
Birth Date: 8/28/09
Entered Heaven: same day :(
Mommy's baby girls, We'll love you forever. Your life was a blessing, your memory a Treasure, You are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure!!!

Bayli Lucille Lowmaster
Parents Name: Tiger & Kelci Lowmaster
Birth Date: 4/28/09
Entered Heaven: 4/28/09
There is a fairly long poem that they read at the memorial that we attended called "Baby Tears" by Conni Johnson. I won't list it hear, but it spoke volumes to the emotions that I felt and still feel.

Isabella Denise
Parents Name Jay and Jennifer
Birth Date Aug 21,2008
Entered Heaven: May 19th, 2009
~Beautiful memories,
silently kept
of a baby we loved
and will never forget..

Elizabeth, and Samantha Grace
Parent's Name: Jack and Kristie
Birthdate: May 2004, Sept. 5, 2008

Eliana Grace
Parents Names: Jess and Mark
Birth Date: May 9, 2009
Entered Heaven: May 7, 2009
We so miss you and long for you in our arms, but are so grateful for the love of the One who holds you in His. You are deeply and tenderly loved, and forever missed. Until we meet again!
Isaiah 43: 1-2
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you...when you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched."

Andrew Ryan
Parents Name: Kevin & Sarah Eddins
Birth Date: 8/7/09
Entered Heaven: 8/7/09
Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you! We miss you so much but look forward to the day when we will be reunited in heaven!
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

Tucker James Carr
Parents Name:Lizy Fitzthum& Trevor Carr
Birth Date: 8/20/2009
Entered Heaven:8/16/2009
Even the smallest things will always be remembered.

Baby Jay
Parents Names: Misty and Jay Orellana
Birth Date: May 15th, 2008
Entered Heaven: May 15th, 2008
we love and miss you with every breath we take. I can not wait to see you and hold you again my beautiful angel.

Harry Line born full term on 24.4.08
Parents name Jason and Louisa Line from Melbourne, Australia
Harry entered Heaven on the 24th of April.
"An angel wrote in the book of life "Harry's" date of birth, she closed the book and said too beautiful for this earth..

Our sweet babies that we didn't get to meet:
Grace Maria, Gianna Therese, and Job
Parents' Names: Alex and Tamara
Grace- August 2007 at 5 weeks, and her twin Gianna on Sept 16, 2007. Job joined his big sisters in January 2008 at 4 weeks.
Sweet babies, I am grateful for the time that I held you within me. I love you forever.


Ethan Charles Donaldson
Angela and Guy
Birth Date Born Sleeping 2/13/08
Entered Heaven:
Ethan you forever touched our lives


Seth Douglas Bonnett
Parents: Kathryn & Leland Bonnett
Siblings: Sean, Cary & Kayleigh
Born: March 27, 2008
Entered Heaven: October 12, 2008
Seth, we were so blessed to have known you and so honored to be your parents. Your heart is healed & whole, and ours are forever missing a piece because of you. Until we see you again, sweet boy!

Levi Aaron Henderson
Parent's names: Tommy & Rebekah
Birth date: 1/14/2008
Romans 5:3-5
3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Ryan Michael Maham
Parents: Dallas and Cathi
Birth date: December 25, 2001
Entered heaven: December 25, 2001
On the day of Christ's birth, our son was born. Only to grace us here on earth for 2 hours. Love you sweet baby Ryan.

Lael Aireen Jeanette
Parent's Name: David and Kristin
Birth Date: October 24, 2008
Entered Heaven: June 21, 2009
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

Jordan (gender unknown) and Natalie Hope
Parents Name: Brandon and Chasity Hutchinson
Birth Date: EDD 7/30/09 & 12/11/09
Entered Heaven:I had surgery for both (missed m/c) 1/7/09 & 5/11/09
I just find comfort in my Savior and I truly believe in my heart that God will bless us with a baby to raise one day.

Samantha Mercy BrockParents Name: Steve and Celeste Brock
Birth Date: December 17, 2008 8:05 pm
Entered Heaven: December 17, 2008 10:20pm
I can't wait to sing to you again, my beautiful little bird.
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.
Exodus 33:22

Gracie Eileen
Born to: Jennifer and George Allen on 3/1/2004
Entered Heaven 3/2/2004.
Thank you for the miracle of getting to meet you.

Chloe Joy Gerken
January 9, 2009
You filled our hearts with such great joy as we awaited your arrival. But when the Lord called you home so much earlier than we cver imagined, we experienced a valley deeper and darker than we had ever known. But our Most Merciful Heavenly Father helps us see the joy in trials, as well as tiny glimpses of His Sovereign Design. Though we see through the glass darkly now, we are confident in Him as we wait to see you again -- forever -- and experience the unspeakable joy that you revel in now. We love you, Chloe Joy!
Until Then,
Mommy & Daddy (Jeff and Stephanie Gerken), Kyle, Matthew, Hannah, Caleb, Joshua and Abigail Grace

Baby Gerken
January 2007
We knew you so briefly, sweet baby, but joyfully anticipate that Great Day when we will worship and enjoy Him together -- and forever.
With immeasurable love,
Mommy & Daddy (Jeff and Stephanie Gerken), Kyle, Matthew, Hannah, Caleb, Joshua and Abigail Grace

Ella Faith Gerken
Jeff and Stephanie Gerken
March 31, 2010 -- from our arms into the arms of Jesus nine minutes later

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Kali and Kayla
Parents Name: Sara
Birth Date: 1/23/08
Entered Heaven: 1/23/08
I only got to hold you both for a little while but those moments will live on forever in my heart. I can't wait til the day that I get to hold you both again. Mommy loves you both so very much.



Candra Elizabeth
Birth Date: 05/03/1996
Entered Heaven: 05/03/1996

Jonathan Isaiah
Birth Date: 06/10/2002
Entered Heaven: 06/13/2002
Parents Names: Mark and Camille Jenkins
Siblings: Joshua and Andrea
"With breaking hearts and open hands, We send you with a name,
It hurts so much to let you go,
But we’re so glad you came."
this is from "Visitor from Heaven" by Twila Paris

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation."
Isaiah 12:2

Ellie Marie
Parents Name: Eric & Renea Lynch
Entered Heaven: September 24, 2002

Kaylie Marie Barger
Parents: Tosha Greiner and Jesse Barger
Birth Date: 10/16/09
Entered Heaven: 10/16/09
Born into Gods Hands!

Samantha Mercy Brock
Parents Name: Steve and Celeste Brock
Birth Date: December 17, 2008 8:05 pm
Entered Heaven: December 17, 2008 10:20pm

I can't wait to sing to you again, my beautiful little bird.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.
Exodus 33:22

Gracie Eileen
-born to Jennifer and George Allen on 3/1/2004, entered Heaven 3/2/2004.
Thank you for the miracle of getting to meet you.

Miscarriage
Parents Name: Charlie and Ivy Welch
Entered Heaven: July 2006

Stephen
1991 stillborn at 6 months

baby kelly
early miscarriage 1999

Abigail Florentina Ilecki
Born Into Heaven
July 24, 2008

Our little ones
Parents Name: Karin and Paul
April 20, 2009, 17 weeks
December 4, 2009, 14 weeks

Cadynce Alice
Chris & Allison
Birth Date: 10/10/2009
Entered Heaven: 10/10/2009

Cady, We love you and miss you every day.
Mama & Daddy

Liana Brielle Stoddard
Maggie and Nate Stoddard
Stillborn on 9-1-09 at 40 weeks

Liana- We love and miss you so much.

Elijah Griffin Hill
Jamie and Jennifer Hill
February 21, 2010
Same heavenly birthday

Kristen Elaine Eckels
daughter of Will & Kim Eckels
May 7, 2009
August 17, 2009
"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens..." Isaiah 40:26

Olivia Ryan Sidwell
Parents: Greg and Cynthia Sidwell
Born: 5/12/2010
Entered Heaven: Same day, we had 58 wonderful minutes with her

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Michael Clifford "peanut"
Son of Daniel and Nancy
July 26, 2010
July 29, 2010
Mommy and Daddy Love and Miss you very much!!

Shelomith
son of the Moose family
Miscarried 10/4/2009 at 16 weeks gestation
I have not found any specific comforting Bible verses yet . . . maybe this year?

Willow Ann
Parents: Steven and Stacey
Birth date: 9.24.10
Entered heaven after only a few minutes.


John Matthew Ennis
First-born son of John and Lori
Birthday: November 28, 2009
Went to Heaven: November 29, 2009

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord gave me what I asked of Him." 1 Samuel 1:27

xoxo

Stratton Kye Albus
Parents Name: Cody & Whitney Albus
Birth Date: 03-25-2010
Entered Heaven: 04-03-2010

Ethan Michael Landreman
Parents: Michael & Rachel
Born 8/6/10
Taken 8/6/10, 7 minutes old

Ella GwenParents Name: Will and Mesa
Birth Date: March 18, 2007
Entered Heaven:
March 18, 2007

Fresh from God, to God returned. ♥

Avery Jaylyn Hilton
Parent: Ariel Hilton
Birth Date: 2/19/10
Heavenly Birthday: 2/19/10
One hour five minutes with our Angel.

Adelle Marie Young
Mary and Jason
Born Oct. 12th, 2009
Died Oct. 15th, 2009

We love you sweet girl, and celebrate the short and powerful life you had here, and the eternal one you are living now! Mommy and Daddy

Easton Stevon Yarbrough
Parents Name:Ashley & Brandon Yarbrough
Birth Date: Aug. 17,2009
Stillborn, was too precious for this place called Earth!
*If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever!*

April
Dan & Michelle
born asleep @ 17 weeks on
April 15, 2010

John 16:20
I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.

Jordan Lee Bodey
Scott, and Kristi Bodey
April 17, 2010

Kaelin Amal
Parents Name Craig & Allison
Birth Date n/a
Entered Heaven: 3/17/2008

Avery Angel
Jennice & Edwin
September 1, 2010 @ 25 weeks
You are in the arms of the creator where there will be no pain, or suffering.

Ella Grace Dickey
Parents: Brittany and Aaron Dickey
Stillborn 03/04/10

Brynn LaRue Kuhlman
Parents: Devon and Jenna Kuhlman
November 18, 2009, Stillborn at 33 weeks
We love you Brynn and miss you so much.

Cicely Grace Dortenzo
Katy and Josh
March 13, 2003--stillborn

Jer. 29:11

2/99 unnamed
9/8/00 (due 4/22/01) unnamed
4/01 unnamed
12/26/01 (due 6/8/02) Jennyfur Angel Hardesty
2/19/02 twin b (my living son's twin)
4/03 unnamed
2/05 unnamed
11/06 unnamed
8/07 unnamed
4/9/08 unnamed
1/15/09 unnamed
8/17/09 Glory Michelle
9/12/10 Baby Bean

and my godbabies
Joseph Luther Dalton 12/23/08
Twins April & david (may 07)
Hope Marie (12/18/08)
Faith "sweetpea" 10/19/09
Kaleigh & Koter twin angels 6/2010

Jennifer Berry mommy

Grant Thomas
Parents are Jody & Kris Abernathy
Silently Born at 28 weeks, August 14, 2008.

To our miracle from Heaven- There will come a day... Love you and miss you, little one!

I Samuel 1:27, 28

Baby Dylan
Parents: Jeremy & Dawn Teabout
Born sleeping 9/23/10
Rest peacefully, my son.

Anna Belle
Parents Tyler and Shanna
Born and passed Dec. 15, 2009

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5

We are so grateful to have been blessed with your short life, and grateful that you can carry on now with your Heavenly chores. Your big spirit is more important and mighty than I can even begin to imagine! Till me we again, Princess! Love forever!

Children's Names: Jaxon Thomas, Colin Alexander and Courtney Grace
Parents Name: Rachel and Kenny
Birth Date: March 2, 2007
Entered Heaven: Jaxon May 29, 2007
Colin March 8, 2007
Courtney March 8, 2007

Morgan Alyssa and Baby Blumpy
Parents Names: April & Kyle
Birth Dates: September 8th, 2008 and October 8th, 2009
Entered Heaven: September 8th, 2008, full term, and October 8th, 2009, 10w3d

Caiden Wilson
Parents Name-Ashley & Paul
Entered Heaven-Dec 22 2009
Mommy and Daddy miss you so much baby boy...Sending You Lots Of Love Every Day

Micah Zachary
Albert and Rebecca Clark
bornstill on April 12, 2008
We look forward to holding and nuturing you at the resurrection sweet beautiful son.

Bryston Gabriel & Colton Joseph
Trena & Shawn Cortez
Born August 15, 2010 and went to God shortly after birth.

"so with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22

Matthias Paul Mailly
Parents Name: Richard & Melissa Mailly
Birth Date: 8.9.05
Entered Heaven: 8.10.05

"He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart"
Is. 40:11


Jeremiah Andres
Parents Name- Raquel and Jose
Birth Date- July 13, 2010
Entered Heaven:July 13, 2010
"I will turn your sadness to gladness. I will bring you comfort and joy." Jeremiah 31:13

Rebekah Mackenzie Grace Cartwright
Barbara Woodard
May 21,2009
Entered Heaven to be with God as an angel almost 7 hrs later

My baby blessed me in so many ways I am glad God had chosen me to be her momma! He takes wonderful things from us to keep it Wonderful in Heaven so we will want to go home! I will see my baby girl again when I go home!! Fly high my love!!!

Dan & Tina Jensen
Isaac February 26,2008 16 Weeks
Hannah Joy September 16,2008 19 Weeks

So many scriptures, Jeremiah 29:11 is what God spoke to us after losing Isaac. Then when Hannah passed our world turned upside down. That's when we clung to Psalm 46:10. Now we hold onto the promise of Revelation 21:4

http://flyawayhome08.blogspot.com/

Hannah Jean
Wade & Dina
March 20, 2006
march 20, 2006

Grace Elizabeth
Jamie and Jared Stanko
Feb. 11, 2007 (full term)
with us for just under 2 hours,
forever with the Lord.

nothing clever/heartfelt to write, just an aching heart...

Holden Adym Jonathan Knitz
Parents: Jon and Heidi Knitz
Birth Date: 07/27/10
Entered Heaven: 08/28/10
Holden you are my shooting star!

Joshua Atlas Alberts
Parents Name: Terry and Kimberly Alberts
Birth Date: September 14th 2009
Entered Heaven: September 22nd 2009

Payton Rose Shoemaker
June 6, 2003 to July 9, 2003
Daughter to Jim and Deanna

Also Remembering...
Isaac Timothy Delisle
Audrey Caroline Smith
Isaac and Asher
Christian
Victoria


Remembering all our precious children whose footprints are forever ingrained on our hearts. We still dreams our dreams of you...until we meet again. (Dreams of You ~ C. 2009~ Kelly Gerken)If you would like your baby's name added to this list, please comment in the post below, or email us at: sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com.

Praying for each of you and remembering with you today...

For the Joy Set Before Us

Thank you for joining us this week for Walking With You. This group was created to offer comfort, encouragement, and hope to grieving families who have lost a child. This week, we are sharing what it will be like the day we are reunited with our precious babies in heaven. This will be the last weekly Walking With You. I have decided to make this a once a month post. It will be the first Thursday of each month. And the focus will be on encouraging one another as we walk this walk from various places. I have been thoroughly blessed to read your stories, and look forward to continuing to walk with each of you. As always, you may visit all the Walking With You posts by clicking on the Walking With You button on the sidebar.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
~Hebrews 12:1-2

We are living in earthly vessels, but this life is not forever. We are mothers who have said goodbye to our sweet babies, but that goodbye is not forever. We who walk with Jesus, pick up our crosses daily to follow Him as we walk this earth. Why do we do it? For the joy set before us, of course...just like our great Teacher. His joy is our salvation...the promise of restoration...the promise of eternal life with Him...the promise of the sweetest reunion. That's where I fix my eyes when they grow too weary from looking at what this world has to offer.

There are many verses that speak of the promise we have in heaven. Unfortunately, I do not have the time this evening to look all of them up. One verse speaks of knowing one another as we are known. We will know one another when we get to heaven, just like we know each other here. Faith and Grace will probably have their long piano-player fingers and button noses. They will probably have the same dainty little lips, and I'm sure brown eyes just like their daddy and brothers. Thomas will have the same nose shared by all of our children along with the same brown eyes. He will probably have the same auburn hair that made me smile so for the short time he spent in my arms. What they will not have is a sign of the brokenness that this earth held for them. They will be complete...perfect...knowing none of earth's sorrows. What must that be like?

One of my favorite books is called Mommy, Please Don't Cry. It is written from the perspective of a child in heaven to his/her mommy, as he shares all of the fun things happening in heaven. I know that we cannot imagine all that He has prepared for us. But, I know that He promises to prepare a place for each of us...and it is sure to be wonderful...better than anything we could imagine or dream of.

When I think of that day, Jesus is the first person on my mind. I suppose the experience of finally beholding and standing in the presence of my Savior will probably overshadow anything else for a time. But, beyond Him I imagine they are waiting for me. It means so much to me, I can barely type the words through my tears. Truly, no words can describe the picture of my mother standing there without the pain that this life held for her, without the disappointments of this life, without the effects of cancer etched on her beautiful face. And in her arms and dancing around her feet...my babies. My little girls and my sweet, sweet boy. Full of joy overflowing...shining on their faces. For some reason I can't explain, I see Faith and Grace as little girls instead of babies. They have long brown, wavy hair with ribbons streaming down their backs and pink dresses. They are lively and precious and full of personality. Faith is a little more reserved than Grace, just as she was in my womb. Grace is full of energy and light. They both giggle and embrace me with delight shining in their eyes. Thomas is in the arms of my mother...still a baby in my mind. A roly-poly picture of health and baby-boy sweetness. Sometimes I picture him as a baby...and sometimes a very young boy. He is a little shy and full of wisdom for one so small. In an instant, these little ones I have longed for fill my waiting arms...arms that will never again know emptiness. Every tear I've cried for them is dried by the hand of my Beloved Savior...every ounce of sorrow gives way to unspeakable joy that I have never fully known.

Can I describe how it may feel to hold them in my arms on that day? Can I even allow myself to think of what that may feel like? I cannot. The ache is too deep to allow myself to fully visit that notion. Recently, our teen youth group at church did a breath-taking skit to a song about heaven's reunion (the title slips my mind right now, of course...but I will see if I can find out the name of the song.). The skit was very powerful. In the beginning, it showed a mother who lost a child and various people at funerals grieving for loved ones...mothers, wives, fathers, babies. Then, it switched to show the families reunited with their loved ones in heaven. When the little child ran to the arms of the mother, I melted into sobs into my husband's arms and couldn't watch anymore. It means too much to me...that promise, that hope. It is a desperate hope I place in the Lord...so desperate I couldn't even watch the re-enactment. You see, my hope isn't just some words on a page. It really means something when you have something at stake. Believing and hoping is easy when there isn't anything attached. It is a different belief when you're asked to let go and trust that He will carry not only you, but the children you hold so dear.

There will be singing and rejoicing...a celebration the likes of which I've never seen. I cannot imagine the beauty of worshipping with the multitudes unknown...the choirs of angels singing. Some sweet day, I'll sing up there...the song of victory...I'll walk the streets of gold...I'll keep telling that old redemption story...and I will dwell forever in the place that my Lord has prepared for me, surrounded by the ones I love...the treasures waiting for me, even now.

I won't lie to you. I have faced moments when I questioned the certainty of those promises that I cling to so desperately. I was always so certain...until I watched my dear mother suffer greatly and die after a valiant battle with cancer. She suffered in a way I didn't know was possible. I felt the Lord's presence when He carried Thomas home...felt His comfort in the days after we said good-bye to Faith and Grace. But, I sat beside my mother's bed, crying out to Him, longing to see...longing to feel Him....singing of His truth...searching His Word...praying tearful prayers. Even as I reassured her, I longed for Him to reassure me. Would He really come for her like He promised? Did He really prepare a place for her...for me? I can't explain why I wondered this...why the questions even entered my heart. Perhaps it came from looking into the face of such suffering. Perhaps it was just the fact that it meant so much to me, to know His promises were true. I had never tasted the bitterness of death so closely.

Time and time again, He has reassured me with these words...the same words He spoke to my heart and hers as her earthly life waned and we felt surrounded by the darkness of death:

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know."

Thomas said to Him, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?"

Jesus said to him, " I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." ~ John 14:1-6

For now, I will daily pick up my cross to follow Him...fixing my eyes on the joy set before me...the glorious promise of a sweet reunion with the treasures that are already laid up for us in heaven's glory.

For now, I dream my dreams of them...until we meet again.

Walking With You ~ Meeting Our Babies

Thank you for joining us on Walking With You. I have been so touched to read each of your journeys and to pray for you on this walk. If you are just joining us, we are mothers who have lost a baby and who are walking in different places on that path. We have joined together, that grieving moms may know that they do not walk alone. We will be meeting here to pray for and encourage one another each Thursday, sharing pieces of our journey, scriptures, resources, prayer requests, and more. This week, we will be sharing about the birth of our babies and the moments we spent with our children after they were born. If you have missed the first two weeks and wish to share the beginning of your journey, you are more than welcome to share what is on your heart.

Sharing the Journey

Faith and Grace
After spending a couple weeks in the hospital with various complications stemming from twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, I was home recovering. I hadn't felt active movement from the girls in a few hours. It was late in the evening and something didn't seem quite right. I called my mom, and then Dr. C. I told Tim my concerns. Everyone was on alert in case we needed to go to the hospital. For some reason, that I have wondered since that day, I decided to go to bed and see how I felt in the morning.

In the morning, I was not feeling any movement. Tim was at work. So, my mother drove me to the hospital. We were not rushing. Not feeling a sense of urgency. We stopped to get gas. On the drive, I felt the sense of a slight flutter. Was it movement? It was hard to tell. Movements were hard to discern with all the excess fluid surrounding Faith and Grace.

They admitted me to the triage area and began to search for a heartbeat with the Doppler. I smiled and reassured the nurse that it was often hard to get a heartbeat on the Doppler because there was so much fluid. "They're in there", I said confidently.

She went to get an ultrasound machine to make sure. This is where everything gets blurry. I wish my mother was here for me to ask about the details, so that I could share them more clearly. But, maybe they aren't meant to be clear. I think the nurse may have begun with the words, "I'm sorry...". I don't know what else came out. Maybe that there was no heartbeat. Maybe that they were gone. I don't know, because at that moment all her words were drowned out with a choking sob, a twisted agonized cry that was coming out my mouth...in a voice that I didn't recognize. I saw the family on the other side of the curtain being escorted away so that my cries did not disturb the pregnant patient. The agony ripped through me with swift devastation. I heard that unrecognizable voice screaming, "No! My babies..." Through the blurs, I heard my mother talking to the nurse. Arguing. She was saying I could go home and wait or induce labor. My mother said I would not be sent home.

Labor. The word cut through the fog. And slowly understanding permeated. I don't know what I thought would happen...but labor was not on the list. It had never occurred to my twenty-one-year-old mind that I would have to endure labor and deliver babies that would never cry or nurse or fill our house with life. I guess I thought they would just put me to sleep and perform a C-section. But, labor. How would I do that?

Phone calls were made that I can't remember. I called Tim, and cried that they were gone. Our babies were gone. He sped to the hospital even though there was no need to hurry. I was taken to a private room that would have been lovely under different circumstances. I showered, and prepared to be induced. How, Lord? How will I have the strength to go through labor, knowing that I will not be rewarded with the glorious sounds of new life...but silence? How? Nurses spoke foreign words that had no place in the delivery room...words like stillborn and funeral. Burial. What were they talking about?

It was more than I could process. At some point in the early hours of labor, I looked out the window. There were giant, beautiful snowflakes...so perfect and beautiful...just like my Faith and Grace. Each one unique and created by God. They fell silently...peacefully...such a contrast to the turmoil in my heart. The peace washed over me, and I turned to face the next thing. The labor. It was long, lasting through the night and the better part of the next day.

Mom and Tim were there. On November 3, 1996, Faith was born first and minutes later Grace came. Silence. I held them in my arms, one in each. And although they were bruised and broken, I saw them as they were meant to be...beautiful. They looked like their brother, except a daintier more delicate version. Tim leaned beside me as I held them and we cried together, allowing the brokenness to wash over us...forever changing our once young and invincible hearts. I sang Amazing Grace and prayed over them. My mother also held the girls and said hello and good-bye.

Physically, there was relief, after all the struggles of carrying Faith and Grace. Emotionally, we were heart broken...lost without our girls. We were expecting the unique honor of parenting identical twin daughters. And we were leaving the hospital with nothing, except a little care package with a tiny baby gown, some mementos, and a couple polaroids. The emptiness smothered me and my arms ached with longing, as I was wheeled out of the hospital past the nursery where new babies cried.


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Thomas

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I had wondered from the time we heard the words "incompatible with life" how we would face another labor that ended without the sounds of a newborn baby cry. I had wondered if carrying Thomas was causing him harm. Wondered what we would be faced with the day we met our sweet boy. And my answers would come soon. I was admitted to the hospital to induce labor at about 38 weeks gestation. My labor was long and intense. Contractions came fast and hard but were not effective. I dilated slowly, as I labored throughout the night. I read scripture and prayed, reciting scripture when I could no longer read. The waves of pain were like nothing I had experienced before. I called the nurse telling her that I was going to throw up and needed a bucket. She gave me one of those tiny kidney shaped things that would hold a teaspoon, and said, "You're fine. You're not going to throw up."

No compassion. I felt the waves of nausea with the waves of pain, escalating as one. In a tangle of cords, I forced myself out of bed and drug the IV bag with me as I lunged toward the toilet, screaming in pain, I made it to the bathroom just in time. Tim had fallen asleep...and the nurse certainly wasn't going to help. But, I wasn't alone. I clung to the Lord, like never in my life. And He carried me through. He was my focal point.

In the wee hours of the morning on July 14, 1998, an epidural brought sweet relief and a little rest. I opened my eyes to see the compassionate face of Dr. M. and I was wheeled into a special delivery room with an adjoining room where they could work on sick babies. I prayed throughout the pushing, and then...weighing in at more than four pounds, he was born. Alive.

"He has red hair," were Dr. M's words as my boy was whisked away by the capable team. I prayed and tears streamed down my face. I was still asking for the miracle of Thomas' life. I had wondered all those months what would meet me in the moments of Thomas' birth...and the answer washed over me. The answer to the ugly question on that first day of the bad news..."Where is your God now?" The answer filled me with peace. I knew the sufficient grace spoken of in scripture, as it surrounded and carried me. And the answer to that ugly question: "Where was my God"...He was right here. He met me here in this place. His grace was waiting. He sustained us. And His presence filled the room.

I was taken to a room to rest while they still worked to stabilize Thomas. With prayers still on my lips, I fell asleep, exhausted. Someone came to tell me that Thomas was stable and we could go see him. I needed some help getting eagerly into the wheelchair. I was about to meet my baby. And, when I did, he took my breath away. His beauty was astounding. I was afraid for so long and what I may see when I laid eyes on him. And, I had nothing to fear. He was breath-taking. Perfect. One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. I leaned down and stroked his cheek, whispering that he wasn't alone, that Jesus was with him and his mommy was here. I held his hand and touched his head. I kissed him (although, I sadly cannot remember that anymore. But my friend Ginny assures me I did).

His lung collapsed and the machines that he was hooked up to...the ones sustaining his life beeped and blinked. Alarms went off. And the nurse rapidly informed me that they would have to work on Thomas and I would need to go back to my room. They would get me when he was stable again. I didn't know about comfort care or birth plans. I knew I wanted time with my son, alive, if possible. I knew that I wanted them to make sure that there was nothing that could be done, before we let him go. Potter's Syndrome is fatal, but I wanted them to make sure that he didn't have kidneys...that there was no way to sustain his life. Because if there was a way, I wanted them to save him.

They came to get me after some time went by and I held my Thomas for the first time. The machines made his little body shudder as they breathed life into him. I asked if it hurt him. The nurse assured me that they were making him comfortable. As I held him in my arms, a sweet nurse snapped photos with a disposable camera. At just the right moment, he opened his eyes and looked up at me...just as she snapped the picture. I talked to him and prayed over him with Tim beside me. I sang to him. And, after awhile, after all the tests concluded that indeed Thomas did not have kidneys...and his lungs could in no way sustain his life, we handed him back to the nurses. They took me to a room to wait as they removed the machines sustaining his life on this earth. The nurse laid him in my arms and I began rocking him and singing praise songs, and the most glorious peace and joy filled the room. "His grace is sufficient for me". His presence was so evident, so real. And, it occurred to me that I had been given a great privilege. I had been chosen to sing to this beautiful baby as he went straight from my arms to the arms of Jesus. I will never forget the gift of those moments. I was blessed among women that day...blessed among mothers. There was so much healing in the meeting of my Thomas. An unspeakable gift.











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There are many things that I wish I knew to do, or felt more confident to do during my short time with my sweet babies on this earth. So, I want to share a little with you, here. Please contact a NILMDTS photographer. You may not think you will want pictures. You may feel shocked or think it will be too painful. Please just get the pictures anyway. Because you cannot get these moments back once they are gone. Also, I would suggest a birth plan stating your wishes before going in to deliver your baby. Plan for memories. We have several memory-making materials that are helpful for this and there are other places to go as well. Get as much as you can. Do as much as you can to cherish the time you are given. Don't let anyone talk you out of it or make you feel uncomfortable for your choices. I wanted to give my sweet Thomas a bath and a nurse said, "We don't usually have our parents do that." So, I didn't. I immediately felt squished and like my request was strange. And I missed out because I let that nurse's opinion rob my confidence. Below, I will list the links again in case there is someone reading this who is in this place right now, and in need of guidance.

Be Not Afraid ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
String of Pearls ~ Difficult Pregnancy Diagnosis
Perinatal Hospice ~ Resources for those continuing a difficult pregnancy
Growing Through Affliction~ Support and Encouragement
Sufficient Grace Ministries ~ Memory~ making materials
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep ~ Beautiful photographs for families experiencing loss
A Place to Remember

Books for those waiting with a difficult diagnosis -
Waiting With Gabriel- Amy Kuebelbeck
Empty Arms - Sherokee Isle (secular book, but good practical answers for preparing)
In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me - Lynnette Kraft
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Thanks so much for joining us again, and for allowing us the privilege of walking with you. Please take some time to link your journeys if you choose, and if you want to just read along, we hope that you will find comfort and hope here. Please take some time to visit those who link here, pray for them, and leave them a word of encouragement. Next week, we will be sharing about planning a funeral/memorial service...and sharing our memories of that day.

Sweet Baby James

You may have read the story of our Faith, Grace, and Thomas. You may have read about the man voice. But, I haven't really shared the story of my youngest son, James. You've seen his second grade smile. You may know a tale or two of his lively little boy ways. But today, on this walk down memory lane, I want to share about his beginning. His amazing, miraculous beginning. We talk a lot here about the beauty of sufficient grace. The story of our sweet baby James is another piece of our tapestry full of beautiful grace. I hope you'll walk with me a little while this Wednesday...

Several months ago, I was tucking James into bed and reading from his children's bible. The bible story shared a miracle. Sadly, I cannot remember the exact miracle, but I do remember our conversation. We were praying for healing for a sick baby and comfort for grieving moms.

James said, "Mom, that was back in the bible time. Jesus doesn't do miracles like that anymore."

"Oh, really?" I replied with raised eyebrows. "I'm looking at a real live miracle right now!"

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Well, when you were growing in my tummy, you were very sick."

"Like Faith, and Grace and Thomas??"

"Well, kind of. Timothy and Daddy and Mommy prayed for a baby to come to our house and stay. Faith, Grace, and Thomas went to heaven and we were very sad because we missed them. And then came you. But the doctors found a little tear near the placenta...the part that feeds the baby while in the mommy's tummy. And the doctors said that there was a 50% chance that you may not live."

"Really?"

"Yes...and we waited and prayed. God healed you...and you are here today. So, Mr. James...God still definitely does miracles. I'm looking at one. It's you!"

"Wow...I guess He does still does do miracles." He smiled and sat a little taller. "He let me stay!" He grinned.
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After we said goodbye to our twin daughters, Faith and Grace, and less than 2 years later our son Thomas, we were not sure if we would have any more children. I longed for a baby to fill our house with joy and to fill my aching empty arms. But, we didn't know if we could endure another loss. And pregnancy is very hard on my body, as well. Carrying our twins has left me with compromised health in some areas that make pregnancy very difficult for me.

Then, I discovered I was expecting a baby. And, I determined from the very beginning that I wanted to allow hope and joy...knowing that this would probably be our last chance to carry a child. I wanted to cherish every moment of this life, no matter how much time we were given.

The stress on our marriage at the time was insurmountable. We were struggling with grief and fear. Three months into the pregnancy, I started bleeding. I went to the hospital and the ER technician said that there was some sort of tear in the placenta.
We went to Dr. M in the morning, and he said that there was a subchorion hematoma. There was a 50% chance that it would resolve itself or a 50% chance that I would lose the baby. Preterm labor is also a concern. Well, I had been given 20% with Faith and Grace. And less than 1% with Thomas. So, 50% was a little scary, but it was better odds than we had seen in awhile.

I went home, still determined to hope...still clinging in prayer. Holding on to whatever shreds of joy I could grasp.

I continued to bleed...continued to pray...continued to wonder and wait.

And, several weeks into the journey, that would have felt precarious without the bleeding and percentages, I stopped bleeding. The baby boy within my womb grew and thrived. There was not too much amniotic fluid...and not too little. I held my breath and lived from ultrasound to ultrasound.

We had a baby shower. And Tim put together the swing and the bouncy seat. It was a big step...a giant step to fill our house with baby things. For us, it would never again be a guarantee that a pregnancy meant a baby would come to live at our house. But we did prepare a bedroom...and I continued to hope. It was a battle to hold on to hope and joy...a daily, consuming battle.

But on a sunny day in May, ...our sweet baby James was born after a grueling labor and a lot of pushing. I didn't hear the cry at first. The cry I had longed to hear for several years.

"Make him cry, Dr. M.... I don't hear a cry!" Familiar panic tightened around my throat and squeezed my palpitating heart.

And then...it came, filling the room with it's glory, surrounding me like a healing balm. The sweetest sound on this earth...the sound of a newborn baby cry...the sound of new life...my baby...my sweet, sweet baby...alive and crying in my arms. Tim looked stunned as James was placed in his arms. "Stunned" soon gave way to joy. We had a baby boy! A boy who had come to stay! Timothy came and held his brother...finally, he would not be denied. This baby would be coming home with us...to complete our family.

And...he most certainly did. There have been some little health quirks along the way for James, but he is for the most part a healthy, active boy. And again I say, "Those who sow in tears will with reap with songs of joy."

And we did...and we are...reaping with songs of joy.

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A little note on this: God's miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes God calms the storm...sometimes He quiets the child. Sometimes He gives physical healing on this earth...sometimes He heals by taking a soul to heaven - the ultimate, complete, and permanent healing. They are all miracles. The teenager that grows as we speak (blog) made us parents and is truly a miracle. The three sweet babies who spend their days dancing in heaven are most certainly valued miracles whose lives have touched thousands, and whose lives were used to draw us closer to the Lord and show us more of who He is. And, sweet baby James, who beat the odds and was "allowed to stay" (as both boys have said) with us is most certainly a miracle. But none is more precious or valued than the other. We know that we don't always get the earthly miracle. We know that...and when we don't, His grace is sufficient to carry us...and even that...even the beauty that comes from such hideous ashes...the beauty of a changed heart, a changed life...is truly a miracle, indeed. Maybe the most beautiful miracle of all...

Believing Without Seeing...Because He Lives

A Combined:
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When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, "Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desired to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. ~ Mark 8:34-35

What does it mean to deny myself, to pick up my cross, and follow Him? It is a daily choice, a daily laying down of my desires, a daily decreasing of me and an increasing of Him.(Although the longer I walk with Him, the more my desires match His desires for my life. There is much to be gained in all my "giving up". Hence, " whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it".) It is choosing words and thoughts of life and not harm. It is doing the hard thing, trusting when I don't feel it, believing when I can't see it. It is clinging to Him when when it doesn't make sense when the world would say, "All hope is lost." When Satan whispers in my ear, "Where is your God now?" It is lifting my eyes to Him, no matter what stands before me. It is running to meet the giant, filled with the confidence that the God I serve is able to give victory.

So many times, we want to see the miracles with our eyes. We want proof that He is there. Proof that He hasn't forsaken us. Proof that He lives. Proof that He will carry us. Proof that His grace is sufficient. We want to see. Never have I ached to see Him more than when we heard the words "incompatible with life" in reference to our son Thomas. I have shared about part of that journey before, but today, I want to focus on the precious gift Thomas' life gave to us...the reason he is called Thomas. His life taught us about "believing without seeing."

Now Thomas, called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples therefore said to him, "We have seen the Lord." So he said to them, "Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe." And after eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, "Peace to you!" Then He said to Thomas, "Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into my side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing."
And Thomas answered and said to Him, "My Lord and my God!"
Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. ~ John 20:24-29

"Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and to the scribes; and they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles; and they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him. And the third day, He will rise again." ~ Mark 10:33-34

At Christmas, we rejoice because He came. On Easter, we rejoice because He lives.

Because He lives, our Faith and Grace live too. They are complete and perfect as they dance in heaven and giggle over dainty tea parties in their Easter dresses with matching bonnets. They are safe in the arms of Jesus...because He lives.

Because He lives, our Thomas lives too. He runs and plays ball just like he was created to do. And someday, Timothy and James will play ball with their brother in all of heaven's glory. And someday, we will all see with our eyes the Savior we have believed in with our hearts.

Because He lives, there is no more pain or cancer for my sweet mama. She can create beautiful things with her hands and love on her grandbabies. And someday, she will laugh with all of her grandbabies and her children on the porch of her cottage-mansion in heaven.

Because He lives, there will be no more tears. I will hope in Him. No more good-byes. Death has lost it's sting. He has the victory. He lives and He will come again to take us home...and He will reign forevermore.

Sweet Thomas Patrick...

Beauty from Ashes - Grief's Extraordinary Journey

The following text was originally published in The Women's Edge Newsletter by Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women, Inc. and written by Kelly Gerken.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...To comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. - Isaiah 61:1b-3

As Christians, we have the peace of knowing that because Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and rose again, that we will never taste death. We will have eternal life in heaven with Him. What a blessed assurance! Unfortunately, we still live in a world that faces death and loss everyday. And, although there is the wonderful promise of heaven, those of us who remain on this Earth still must grieve the losses of those we love (even if we are just separated for a short time.).

There are stages of grief that most people go through: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Others describe numbness, disorganization, and reorganization. Each individual is unique in their grief . A variety of responses are "normal" and can be expected, such as : anger resentment, pain, sorrow, bitterness, emptiness, numbness, exhaustion, apathy, depression, and even some joy as you remember your loved one, peace as you think of your loved one in heaven with Jesus. There are so many feelings that come at will and even when the overwhelming sorrow has passed and a new form of "normalcy" has returned, you may out of no where, when you least expect it, feel grief's gripping waves overtake you once more.

Walking the journey of grief is an extraordinary test of our faith, and our will. Grief is a tumultuous sea, a relentless roller coaster that we cannot control or escape. The pain often comes in great waves, and tosses us about in a "sea of grief", so powerful that we may feel as if we are drowning. It is important to realize that it takes much time to heal and mourn. Unfortunately, there is no fast forward button for grief. So go gently. Be patient with yourself and your grief. Even when we know that our loved one is in heaven, we rejoice for our loved one, but we cry for ourselves. Our tears are for those of us who are left on this earth to ache for them, to miss and long for their physical presence, as we face the emptiness of walking through our days without the one we love. While we have great hope in Jesus and the amazing promise of Heaven, we acknowledge that there is a time to grieve, and we must take the time we need to do so.

The hope that we have as Christians is that we don't have to drown alone in our sea of grief. Our heavenly Father is able and willing to carry us when we cannot walk through the difficult journeys of this life ourselves. All that we can do is cling to Him, believing His promises. Some days we may not even have the strength to cling to Jesus, and in those moments, He will hold on to us because He is merciful and loving, full of grace and truth and comfort. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. We have a great opportunity in the despair of grief to ask ourselves if we really believe His promises. When the waves of doubt come crashing in over our head, we must remember who our Lord is and what He has already done for us, in us, and through us. We can search His word and find hope and peace. We can look back on our own lives and see evidence of His hand gently leading and guiding our lives.

How do we face the task of walking through our days, passing the ordinary time, as the world around us goes about the business of life, while our world has shattered into a million pieces? The best advice I have heard comes form Elizabeth Elliott, who has experience great loss in her life. She says, "Just do the next thing.". Maybe the next thing is as simple as getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, or just brushing your teeth. Sometimes there is great comfort in just the ordinary small, one step at a time pace of life that can carry your through to the next day. We can take comfort in knowing that God's mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness. Slowly, one baby step at a time toward normalcy, we will see the promise of a new day, a light at the end of the tunnel of grief. With time, those who grieve will heal and joy will be restored..
Taking the time to remember our loved one is an important and precious part of the grieving process. Some find comfort in journaling, creating a memory book of pictures and memories of the moments that make up our lives together. Sometimes it's the simple everyday memories that mean the most- a smile, a touch, a hug, a laugh, a smell. In the case of losing a baby or a child whose life was cut short, we not only feel the empty loss of the person, but also of all the dreams we hold for that precious life that ended so suddenly.

The old saying "time heals all wounds" has some truth to it, but I believe what is really happening in that time is that God is working in us to heal and restore us.. You may have heard the analogy that we cannot see the wind, but we see the evidence that wind exists as it blows the leaves on the trees. We can feel the wind on our face and hear the sound of it blowing past. I think God works in those invisible ways. We cannot see Him, but we see the evidence of His work in our lives. We feel the comfort of His Presence.

My friend Dinah gives a great analogy of how God mysteriously works. She likens it to the changing of the seasons. In the autumn the leaves change colors. Often though it is so gradual, so subtle that we don't realize it fully until one day the tress are orange, yellow, red and brown instead of green. In the same way as winter approached, the leaves fall from the tress. One day, we notice that the leaves are gone. We know they must have been falling for some time, but it was so subtle and gradual that we hardly noticed, until, one day when they were all gone and the land was stark and bare. When spring comes, everything brings forth new life. What one was dead is alive again. And one day it happens. You wake up and the leaves have returned one more - green and shiny and new. You can't point to at time when they began to bloom, exactly. You may have seen a bud or two. But it seems that it is sudden. In reality it was happening all the time, subtle, gradual, unseen, changing and restoring life. That is the best illustration I have heard of the way the Holy Spirit works in us to heal and restore. How subtly God works in us to change us until one day what once was, is not more. One day , we are no longer struggling. We have overcome what once held us captive, be it bitterness, pain, grief, or sin. God had been healing us all along, working while we struggled. He will take the tatters ashes of the broken hearts and made them into something beautiful ... God will use every tear, every moment of brokenness to make beauty from ashes to heal our pain and restore our joy.

~ Taken from the Dreams of You Memory Book written by Kelly Gerken and published by Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women, Inc. Copyright 2004-2008

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:A time to be born and a time to die...A time to weep and a time to laugh...A time to mourn and a time to dance...