.png)
I laid out my dress, chosen with her in mind, searched through my drawers to find the elusive pair of black hose without a run, fastened the silver beaded necklace, slipped on the bracelet Marlene made for me, and smoothed the make up over my tear stained face. He pulled his suit from the closet and hung it on the door as we readied ourselves.
Funeral clothes. Everyone who loved her was laying them out at the same time in their various homes, getting ready to say goodbye. Tears mixing with water droplets falling from the shower head. A ritual that becomes more familiar with the passing of time. Laying out the funeral clothes.
The scent of yellow roses wafted throughout the sanctuary and draped her casket. I nodded in the direction of her zebra print top and stepped onto the stage for the sound check. She always inspired me to rise to the occasion and do the next thing. "Lord, help me be able to do that now...help us." After adjusting his guitar strap, I sang a couple verses, breathing in the flowers and letting the song carry us. His peace was there.
The whisper..."Just cling to Me...I will carry you...I will meet you there".
I nodded, knowing He would.
The joy of her heart, three years old with the blondest hair I've ever seen and the bluest eyes, stole my heart in one second as he clutched his big Floppy pony. He danced to show what Grandma Dinah was doing in heaven, and made the tear stained faces smile. He stood by his Grandpa and folded his hands as he leaned into his mama. Pieces of her living on in him...in all of us.
We bowed our heads, we took the stage, and sang our songs. I thought of how she always inspired me to rise to the occasion. Even though I was being carried, I was grateful that He met me there so that I could honor her. We listened to the memories of her, and I clung to him. There's nothing more beautiful than the testimony of the life of one who loved the Lord and served Him with all of her heart. Precious. Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His servants. Precious. Because death here means new life there.
Heels clicking on pavement and a sea of black suits made the procession. Driving through puddles in our funeral clothes, snow melting into mud. Heels sinking into the soft earth and gentlemen hands helping ladies over the puddles. Black suits huddled beside the grave adorned in our funeral clothes, breathing in yellow roses under a tent, February winds swirling around. Quiet weeping and scripture reading, heads bowed in prayer, hearts honoring a woman dearly loved. Her blond legacy beautiful, sitting in a row...saying goodbye, beginning the missing. Full of the grace and beauty she leaves behind.
She knows how I feel about the grave and visiting the cemetery. She knows I'd rather focus on heaven, and she always agreed. Still, we stopped to lay one of her yellow roses on their grave, just a couple spots over, clinging to one another as if it were yesterday that we stood in this spot saying different goodbyes with the much younger looking tear stained faces. We walked away from the graves, heels sinking in the mud.
I'm always saying the only thing you can take with you to heaven is other people. If in heaven our riches are based on how many we take with us by showing the love of Jesus during our time on this earth, then our Dinah is a very rich woman. She touched so many lives in such a profound way...
A funny thing happened...an amazing, miraculous thing. Dinah loved everyone in her life with all that was in her and she talked about each of us to the others. She described the people she loved in such detail that when we met face to face today in the place we came to honor one we love in our funeral clothes, we felt as if we knew each other. In heaven, scripture tells us that "we will know one another as we are known". I tasted that today.
Let me preface this by saying that I have an absolutely terrible memory. I am always forgetting names and everything else. But, today, many times I would see a someone Dinah loved...a person I had never met or seen before, but I knew their names. I would say "Are you so-and-so?" And, they were the person that Dinah had told me all about. Each one knew me right back. It was as if we all knew each other and were connected by her love. That must be a taste of what heaven is like...knowing one another...connected by His love. It was a special gift. And, truly a beautiful celebration. Except for all the black and the tears, she would have loved it. She would have loved all the people she loved gathered together and knowing one another as we are known...no doubt she did.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Things Dinah said...
Dinah was a character. One of a kind. Well, I have no doubt she still is...just heaven-style, now. But, if you were listening, she was full of wisdom. This morning I awoke with her words on my mind. Here are some of my favorite Dinah-isms. I may come back and add to the list later as I remember. I have a whole-lifetime of her words in my heart.
On marriage and keeping a home...
"You're giving that man way too many words. He cannot handle every thought in your mind and every feeling you have. Without a word...He is won without a word. How do you not know that after growing up with all those brothers?"
Incidentally...she also said the above phrase about my boys...whenever I gave them too many directions or over explained...=) She would say, "You know he heard about three words of what you just said, don't you?"
"Your home should be a haven to all who enter."
"Let the kids play, but start getting things in order an hour before your husband comes home: have the house picked up, children clean and presentable, supper cooked and comb your hair, put on some lipstick, and wear something pretty before that man comes home. He should come home to order and peace."
"My mother took a nap everyday. I think that's a good idea."
"If it blesses your husband when you make him breakfast before work, then get up and make him breakfast."
"The way you present yourselves and your family is a reflection of whether or not you honor your husband."
"Never get too tired, angry, hungry, or lonely."
"Make sure those boys know how to conduct themselves in any situation. You never know when you might have to eat dinner with the president."
"Make sure those boys know how to treat a lady with respect and use their manners."
"Make sure those boys know the Word. Better to pay them to learn scripture than to do their chores or get good grades. Sometimes good godly fear and reverence are necessary for a boy to know. They need to respect the things of God. Respect is the language young men speak.Then, they can learn about grace."
"Baseball games and golf matches are not an excuse not to feed your family something healthy."
She loved James Dobson's philosophy about helping our kids find their niche: "You have to find some area of life..some skill or ability or activity for your children to experience success...keep looking until you find whatever it is."
In regards to children with stubborn wills: "You always need to have more time than they do." (That's fine...I'll wait it out...I've got time.) And also..."If you do find yourself in a battle of wills with your child...you must win." Hence the waiting it out. Better, of course to avoid the battle of wills whenever possible. =)
On the way we present ourselves to others...
She hated it when people spoke with too much slang or "dumbed down" their speech. She would say it's important to have a good "command of the English language".
She was appalled by "poor-talking"....focusing on what we don't have....acting like one is just so poor when they have plenty. She would say..."My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills...it is disrespectful to act like He hasn't provided plenty."
On my family...
"Tim is such a good dad because he has horse sense."
She always loved to say at various times when she was super proud of my kids or Tim, or anyone else, really. "He is just a rock star...really he's a rock star." She is one of the only people other than my mom and mother-in-law that I have felt like I could really brag about my kids when I was proud of them, and she would care just as much and feel just as proud. She claimed us as her own, and rightly so.
For her final resting place, she said she wanted to be "where Kelly's babies are". And, so that's where she will be.
On God's ways being higher than ours...
"He is who He is and He does what He does."
One of my favorites when I was giving her too many of my words...(Ya'll know I like words!)
"Are you almost done giving me the prologue? I haven't got all day...can you just get to the point?" I do love a good prologue. Everything has a story. =)
On God's ways regarding grief and healing...
(The words below are taken from the Dreams of You Memory Book, Copyright 2004-2011 Sufficient Grace Ministries, Kelly Gerken. They were born like so many things in a woman's life from a conversation Dinah and I shared about grief and God's ways as He heals our hearts. I've shared them here before, but they seem fitting to share again here. Oh, I just remembered another phrase she always said when something wasn't right...."This just ain't fittin'!" She wouldn't say that about this.)
My friend Dinah gives a great analogy of how God mysteriously works. She likens it to the changing of the seasons. In the autumn the leaves change colors. Often though it is so gradual, so subtle that we don't realize it fully until one day the tress are orange, yellow, red and brown instead of green. In the same way as winter approached, the leaves fall from the tress. One day, we notice that the leaves are gone. We know they must have been falling for some time, but it was so subtle and gradual that we hardly noticed, until, one day when they were all gone and the land was stark and bare. When spring comes, everything brings forth new life. What once was dead is alive again. And one day it happens. You wake up and the leaves have returned once more - green and shiny and new. You can't point to a time when they began to bloom, exactly. You may have seen a bud or two. But it seems that it is sudden. In reality it was happening all the time, subtle, gradual, unseen, changing and restoring life. That is the best illustration I have heard of the way the Holy Spirit works in us to heal and restore. How subtly God works in us to change us until one day what once was, is no more. One day , we are no longer struggling. We have overcome what once held us captive, be it bitterness, pain, grief, or sin. God had been healing us all along, working while we struggled. He will take the tatters ashes of the broken hearts and made them into something beautiful ... God will use every tear, every moment of brokenness to make beauty from ashes to heal our pain and restore our joy.
On marriage and keeping a home...
"You're giving that man way too many words. He cannot handle every thought in your mind and every feeling you have. Without a word...He is won without a word. How do you not know that after growing up with all those brothers?"
Incidentally...she also said the above phrase about my boys...whenever I gave them too many directions or over explained...=) She would say, "You know he heard about three words of what you just said, don't you?"
"Your home should be a haven to all who enter."
"Let the kids play, but start getting things in order an hour before your husband comes home: have the house picked up, children clean and presentable, supper cooked and comb your hair, put on some lipstick, and wear something pretty before that man comes home. He should come home to order and peace."
"My mother took a nap everyday. I think that's a good idea."
"If it blesses your husband when you make him breakfast before work, then get up and make him breakfast."
"The way you present yourselves and your family is a reflection of whether or not you honor your husband."
"Never get too tired, angry, hungry, or lonely."
"Make sure those boys know how to conduct themselves in any situation. You never know when you might have to eat dinner with the president."
"Make sure those boys know how to treat a lady with respect and use their manners."
"Make sure those boys know the Word. Better to pay them to learn scripture than to do their chores or get good grades. Sometimes good godly fear and reverence are necessary for a boy to know. They need to respect the things of God. Respect is the language young men speak.Then, they can learn about grace."
"Baseball games and golf matches are not an excuse not to feed your family something healthy."
She loved James Dobson's philosophy about helping our kids find their niche: "You have to find some area of life..some skill or ability or activity for your children to experience success...keep looking until you find whatever it is."
In regards to children with stubborn wills: "You always need to have more time than they do." (That's fine...I'll wait it out...I've got time.) And also..."If you do find yourself in a battle of wills with your child...you must win." Hence the waiting it out. Better, of course to avoid the battle of wills whenever possible. =)
On the way we present ourselves to others...
She hated it when people spoke with too much slang or "dumbed down" their speech. She would say it's important to have a good "command of the English language".
She was appalled by "poor-talking"....focusing on what we don't have....acting like one is just so poor when they have plenty. She would say..."My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills...it is disrespectful to act like He hasn't provided plenty."
On my family...
"Tim is such a good dad because he has horse sense."
She always loved to say at various times when she was super proud of my kids or Tim, or anyone else, really. "He is just a rock star...really he's a rock star." She is one of the only people other than my mom and mother-in-law that I have felt like I could really brag about my kids when I was proud of them, and she would care just as much and feel just as proud. She claimed us as her own, and rightly so.
For her final resting place, she said she wanted to be "where Kelly's babies are". And, so that's where she will be.
On God's ways being higher than ours...
"He is who He is and He does what He does."
One of my favorites when I was giving her too many of my words...(Ya'll know I like words!)
"Are you almost done giving me the prologue? I haven't got all day...can you just get to the point?" I do love a good prologue. Everything has a story. =)
On God's ways regarding grief and healing...
(The words below are taken from the Dreams of You Memory Book, Copyright 2004-2011 Sufficient Grace Ministries, Kelly Gerken. They were born like so many things in a woman's life from a conversation Dinah and I shared about grief and God's ways as He heals our hearts. I've shared them here before, but they seem fitting to share again here. Oh, I just remembered another phrase she always said when something wasn't right...."This just ain't fittin'!" She wouldn't say that about this.)
My friend Dinah gives a great analogy of how God mysteriously works. She likens it to the changing of the seasons. In the autumn the leaves change colors. Often though it is so gradual, so subtle that we don't realize it fully until one day the tress are orange, yellow, red and brown instead of green. In the same way as winter approached, the leaves fall from the tress. One day, we notice that the leaves are gone. We know they must have been falling for some time, but it was so subtle and gradual that we hardly noticed, until, one day when they were all gone and the land was stark and bare. When spring comes, everything brings forth new life. What once was dead is alive again. And one day it happens. You wake up and the leaves have returned once more - green and shiny and new. You can't point to a time when they began to bloom, exactly. You may have seen a bud or two. But it seems that it is sudden. In reality it was happening all the time, subtle, gradual, unseen, changing and restoring life. That is the best illustration I have heard of the way the Holy Spirit works in us to heal and restore. How subtly God works in us to change us until one day what once was, is no more. One day , we are no longer struggling. We have overcome what once held us captive, be it bitterness, pain, grief, or sin. God had been healing us all along, working while we struggled. He will take the tatters ashes of the broken hearts and made them into something beautiful ... God will use every tear, every moment of brokenness to make beauty from ashes to heal our pain and restore our joy.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
A New WWY...a Picture of Grief and Why He Told me to Cling
There's a new Walking With You post up on that blog...a post where I get honest about grief. God choosing the word cling for me this year is making even more sense as I reflect this morning.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus...look full in His wonderful face. And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim...in the light of His glory and grace...
Walking the Walk...
When we were led to form Sufficient Grace Ministries in 2004, I had reached a place of restoration. God had spent eight years healing my grief...carrying me. He still carries me, but my wounds were not so fresh in 2004. I was able to begin to start reaching out, offering comfort and hope to others. And, He led me to do so...drew me, pushed me, stretched me, and equipped me every step of the way.
But, in 2006, my mother breathed her last breath.
My foundation was shaken. It's a foundation built on Solid Rock, so it did not crumble or break. But, I shook under the weight of the blow. I've shared before how difficult it was for me to watch her suffer and slip away, and how agonizing it has been to ache for her these four years. I am still healing. God is still faithful.
After she passed, I felt what I have referred to over the years as an Ecclesiastes moment (those moments in life where we wonder "what is the point...everything is in vain"). I felt like a hypocrite offering hope to grieving mothers, while I wept on my face every night, begging Jesus to help me see. I only shared those feelings with my pastor and a couple close friends. But, when my grief was fresh and the pain so great, I didn't want to get up and speak pretty words about the hope we have. It seemed so trite, so inconsequential to reach out with small gestures of comfort and hope in the face of such terrible pain. I still believed God's promises, knew they were true...but in those moments all I felt was the pain. In the midst of that great sorrow, I wondered about the purpose of our ministry. Could we really even do anything to make a drop in the bucket to comfort hearts that hurt this much...brokenness that feels this broken? My words tied up in a neat bow seemed to paint a different picture than all the ugly we had to walk through to come to that point of grace and healing.
But, I did keep writing and speaking of the hope we have in Him during that time. As I said the words, my heart remembered the truth of those words. And, they didn't seem so trite. After all, our God is bigger than the greatest canyon of sorrow.
This morning, I am here again...in this place of great sorrow and loss...fresh, raw grief. I just watched one of my closest friends, my second mother, my mentor...a woman who has walked and prayed with me through my marriage, sat beside me at the grave of my babies, wept with me as I missed my mother, laughed with me, and loved me as one of her own...die the same way my mother did. Monday, I will sing at her funeral about His amazing grace, while Tim plays his guitar. My beautiful, larger than life, snarky sweet, horse-loving, dog-loving friend.
I know she is laughing and having a big time in heaven with her beautiful, sassy mama and probably my mom and babies, too. I know she is free from cancer, and the images of her suffering still fresh in our minds are forever erased from hers.
In this moment, I will continue to proclaim His grace and the hope we have in Him...knowing that it's true...knowing that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. I've both sowed and reaped again and again. But, I also want to give a full, honest picture...because I know there are others on their faces weeping...asking Jesus to help them see...torn and weary. What it really looks like to cling desperately to the hem of His garment cannot be wrapped up in pretty words. It is a gut-wrenching sight...the faith that clings from desperation. I'm going to share what fresh grief is like for a moment as I'm in that place right now. The purpose? Not for pity or to wallow in the sorrow (for we have great hope), but to be honest...to be honest and so that you who are walking this beautiful-ugly path will know you are not alone. Please know, there is a blessed assurance, an undercurrent of steadfast truth girded at my waist, even in the brokenness. I know He will carry all those who grieve the loss of our sweet Dinah, just as He has faithfully carried us through every other good-bye.
But, what it feels like...
Waves of sorrow
Weeping that comes from the depths and heaves the body with it's force
Aching, missing, agony....
Heaviness
Migraines
Nausea
Poured out and exhausted
Grateful...for the precious gift of life...for the faith of those who go before us
Joy and laughter remembering a life well lived
Tears mixed in
What it looks like...
On our face in the wee hours of the morning, in the middle of the night...
Sleepless
Dreams we'd rather not dream
Consciously reminding ourselves that He has already had victory over death...even as we feel the sting of it brushing close
Tear stains on bible pages
Prayers that hurt too much to grace lips...but moan out in cries that cannot be uttered.
Clinging and letting go...
Please pray for Dinah's beautiful family and for all the people missing her...and clinging to Him.
And, please pray that His grace will fill us, carry us, and meet us there as we honor her beautiful life the next couple days...and beyond.
But, in 2006, my mother breathed her last breath.
My foundation was shaken. It's a foundation built on Solid Rock, so it did not crumble or break. But, I shook under the weight of the blow. I've shared before how difficult it was for me to watch her suffer and slip away, and how agonizing it has been to ache for her these four years. I am still healing. God is still faithful.
After she passed, I felt what I have referred to over the years as an Ecclesiastes moment (those moments in life where we wonder "what is the point...everything is in vain"). I felt like a hypocrite offering hope to grieving mothers, while I wept on my face every night, begging Jesus to help me see. I only shared those feelings with my pastor and a couple close friends. But, when my grief was fresh and the pain so great, I didn't want to get up and speak pretty words about the hope we have. It seemed so trite, so inconsequential to reach out with small gestures of comfort and hope in the face of such terrible pain. I still believed God's promises, knew they were true...but in those moments all I felt was the pain. In the midst of that great sorrow, I wondered about the purpose of our ministry. Could we really even do anything to make a drop in the bucket to comfort hearts that hurt this much...brokenness that feels this broken? My words tied up in a neat bow seemed to paint a different picture than all the ugly we had to walk through to come to that point of grace and healing.
But, I did keep writing and speaking of the hope we have in Him during that time. As I said the words, my heart remembered the truth of those words. And, they didn't seem so trite. After all, our God is bigger than the greatest canyon of sorrow.
This morning, I am here again...in this place of great sorrow and loss...fresh, raw grief. I just watched one of my closest friends, my second mother, my mentor...a woman who has walked and prayed with me through my marriage, sat beside me at the grave of my babies, wept with me as I missed my mother, laughed with me, and loved me as one of her own...die the same way my mother did. Monday, I will sing at her funeral about His amazing grace, while Tim plays his guitar. My beautiful, larger than life, snarky sweet, horse-loving, dog-loving friend.
I know she is laughing and having a big time in heaven with her beautiful, sassy mama and probably my mom and babies, too. I know she is free from cancer, and the images of her suffering still fresh in our minds are forever erased from hers.
In this moment, I will continue to proclaim His grace and the hope we have in Him...knowing that it's true...knowing that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. I've both sowed and reaped again and again. But, I also want to give a full, honest picture...because I know there are others on their faces weeping...asking Jesus to help them see...torn and weary. What it really looks like to cling desperately to the hem of His garment cannot be wrapped up in pretty words. It is a gut-wrenching sight...the faith that clings from desperation. I'm going to share what fresh grief is like for a moment as I'm in that place right now. The purpose? Not for pity or to wallow in the sorrow (for we have great hope), but to be honest...to be honest and so that you who are walking this beautiful-ugly path will know you are not alone. Please know, there is a blessed assurance, an undercurrent of steadfast truth girded at my waist, even in the brokenness. I know He will carry all those who grieve the loss of our sweet Dinah, just as He has faithfully carried us through every other good-bye.
But, what it feels like...
Waves of sorrow
Weeping that comes from the depths and heaves the body with it's force
Aching, missing, agony....
Heaviness
Migraines
Nausea
Poured out and exhausted
Grateful...for the precious gift of life...for the faith of those who go before us
Joy and laughter remembering a life well lived
Tears mixed in
What it looks like...
On our face in the wee hours of the morning, in the middle of the night...
Sleepless
Dreams we'd rather not dream
Consciously reminding ourselves that He has already had victory over death...even as we feel the sting of it brushing close
Tear stains on bible pages
Prayers that hurt too much to grace lips...but moan out in cries that cannot be uttered.
Clinging and letting go...
Please pray for Dinah's beautiful family and for all the people missing her...and clinging to Him.
And, please pray that His grace will fill us, carry us, and meet us there as we honor her beautiful life the next couple days...and beyond.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Another Goodbye...
I walked through the house, drinking in the sight of each room, unsure of when or if my eyes would settle on her house again. I always loved the way her house was adorned with touches of her, paintings she made, fabric draped across windows, fabric she chose for it's color and texture. Fabric she sewed with her hands. I looked at her pictures telling the tale of a life well-lived and a woman well-loved, who loved well.
I settled in the chair beside her bed, the room filled with amber light bouncing off the sage green walls, listening to the rhythm of her breathing her waning breaths and the whispered prayers of the women surrounding her. I saw in her daughter's eyes a reflection...familiar. Oh...how I wished they weren't being asked to walk this path. I looked at the scripture scrawled across her beloved chalkboard and my eyes wandered to the kitchen table where we shared our revelations, our tears, our prayers, and most of all our unbridled laughter. I ran my hand across the table with the wild horses painted on it...the table she made with her hands, admiring the beauty of her work. Absently, I brushed the crumbs from the table onto a plate. Dinah always hated crumbs on her table.
I remembered our conversation after my mom passed. I was struck by how much the touches of a woman and her personality makes up a home...how valuable a mother is to the life of her family. Dinah had talked then of her own mom's passing in those days when my wounds were still fresh, as I cried with the ache of a daughter who had no idea such missing could exist. She knew about the missing. She missed her own mother still...her mother, the one who always had painted finger nails and called me, "the girl who laughs".
Listening to her anguish, an Ecclesiastes moment threatened to punctured my thoughts, "What is the point?" The answer lies in the look in her husband's eyes when someone shares how his beloved has touched their lives. The answer lies in her beautiful blond daughters who love Jesus and are filled with the grace and grit she leaves behind. The answer lies in the legacy of photographs, pristine English riding competitions, and her dog Sky's blue eyes wondering. The answer lies in the face of her precious grandson. It lays in the beauty of my marriage restored and flourishing, and countless others she prayed for...healed and restored. It lays in those who proclaim the name of Jesus because she prayed and boldly shared the truth with them.
As I lay awake in the night watches praying my pleading prayers...the prayers that hurt too much to fully utter... I think of all the night watches she lay awake on my behalf...on behalf of my kids, my mother, my husband, her family, her friends, the prisoners she ministered to....everyone she loved.
I read some of her favorite quotes hanging in the kitchen. One was a reminder never to get too hungry, tired, lonely, or angry. Advice she gave me early on in my marriage, along with a myriad of other things. Another was "Most people die with the music still inside of them." I smiled, looking around at her eclectic, colorful house that so reflected her eclectic, colorful, snarky sweet personality. Not Dinah. She held nothing back...not her opinions, her wisdom, her passionate love for Jesus and His word, and most of all her love. The symphony of her life was poured into the lives around her. Her symphony plays on in the lives of everyone who loved her.
-----------------
I started writing this early this morning...reflecting on saying good-bye to my friend Dinah, whose time was short as I began this post. She went home to heaven this afternoon. She is free from cancer and every other earthly discomfort and sorrow. I will see her again, but for now, I will miss my dear friend. Please pray for her family and those who loved her.
Psalm 116:15
Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his faithful servants.
I settled in the chair beside her bed, the room filled with amber light bouncing off the sage green walls, listening to the rhythm of her breathing her waning breaths and the whispered prayers of the women surrounding her. I saw in her daughter's eyes a reflection...familiar. Oh...how I wished they weren't being asked to walk this path. I looked at the scripture scrawled across her beloved chalkboard and my eyes wandered to the kitchen table where we shared our revelations, our tears, our prayers, and most of all our unbridled laughter. I ran my hand across the table with the wild horses painted on it...the table she made with her hands, admiring the beauty of her work. Absently, I brushed the crumbs from the table onto a plate. Dinah always hated crumbs on her table.
I remembered our conversation after my mom passed. I was struck by how much the touches of a woman and her personality makes up a home...how valuable a mother is to the life of her family. Dinah had talked then of her own mom's passing in those days when my wounds were still fresh, as I cried with the ache of a daughter who had no idea such missing could exist. She knew about the missing. She missed her own mother still...her mother, the one who always had painted finger nails and called me, "the girl who laughs".
Listening to her anguish, an Ecclesiastes moment threatened to punctured my thoughts, "What is the point?" The answer lies in the look in her husband's eyes when someone shares how his beloved has touched their lives. The answer lies in her beautiful blond daughters who love Jesus and are filled with the grace and grit she leaves behind. The answer lies in the legacy of photographs, pristine English riding competitions, and her dog Sky's blue eyes wondering. The answer lies in the face of her precious grandson. It lays in the beauty of my marriage restored and flourishing, and countless others she prayed for...healed and restored. It lays in those who proclaim the name of Jesus because she prayed and boldly shared the truth with them.
As I lay awake in the night watches praying my pleading prayers...the prayers that hurt too much to fully utter... I think of all the night watches she lay awake on my behalf...on behalf of my kids, my mother, my husband, her family, her friends, the prisoners she ministered to....everyone she loved.
I read some of her favorite quotes hanging in the kitchen. One was a reminder never to get too hungry, tired, lonely, or angry. Advice she gave me early on in my marriage, along with a myriad of other things. Another was "Most people die with the music still inside of them." I smiled, looking around at her eclectic, colorful house that so reflected her eclectic, colorful, snarky sweet personality. Not Dinah. She held nothing back...not her opinions, her wisdom, her passionate love for Jesus and His word, and most of all her love. The symphony of her life was poured into the lives around her. Her symphony plays on in the lives of everyone who loved her.
-----------------
I started writing this early this morning...reflecting on saying good-bye to my friend Dinah, whose time was short as I began this post. She went home to heaven this afternoon. She is free from cancer and every other earthly discomfort and sorrow. I will see her again, but for now, I will miss my dear friend. Please pray for her family and those who loved her.
Psalm 116:15
Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his faithful servants.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Chapter 7: Lies Women Believe About Children
Each Monday, we are covering a chapter from Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. I'm going to be honest with you. I struggled with some of the thoughts in this chapter about our children. While everything Nancy said is true, I feel I need to place a guard up against reading a different meaning into some of what was shared in this chapter.
I believe that everything we do needs to be bathed in grace. Perhaps it's because I'm such a mess and I know my desperate need. Perhaps it's because I have battled the deception of performance so much in my own life...feeling defined by my failures, measured by my limitations, locked in the bondage of all the ways I fall short instead of freed by the gift grace being offered by our Savior.
The biggest lie I struggle with as a mother is the one that says we are 100 percent responsible for the behavior of our children. Whenever I focus on my performance as a parent, I am at my worst. That thinking results in feelings of hopeless defeat. My eyes are not even focused on what's best for my kids, but on the picture we are presenting to others. When that happens, nothing good comes from it. I fail...they rebel. So, I try to purpose in my heart to stay away from that line of thinking...to resist focusing on my performance or theirs at all costs.
I have learned the gift of grace-based parenting over the years. Teenagers are good teachers of the concept. I find myself rebelling against my own hypocrisy and legalism, seeing the reflection in their eyes. While I don't always practice grace as I should, it is a freeing gift each time I do.
Another thing that being a mom for seventeen years has taught me is that most battles are best fought on my knees in prayer. God does not give us a spirit of fear. He longs for us to pour out all of our anxious thoughts and concerns at His waiting feet. He is able when I fall short. He can protect my son when he drives away in the car. He can give wisdom for the weighty matters of life. He can soften a hardened heart, shape a rebellious spirit, comfort an anxious mind, heal a wheezing cough. He can go where I cannot. He can see the motives of their hearts. He alone. And, He hears every prayer this mama-heart sets before His throne on behalf of the children that He has good plans for...the children that He loves even more dearly and perfectly than this mother.
That is the hope we rest in. Please don't read this chapter and allow fear to enter your heart. Fear about your children's salvation. Fear about the harmful influences of the world. Fear about your own performance. We are covered in grace...every step of the way.
------------------
Lie 27. It's up to us to determine the size of our family.
Truth: God is the Creator and Giver of life. (Genesis 1)
I will not place judgment on those who seek the Lord's guidance in planning their families. Over the years, I have wondered about some of my own choices in that area. But, I believe it is between the Lord and each married couple to determine what is best for their family. We have five children, and in the having of our children, there was much difficulty. Three of them are in heaven and my body has forever been changed. I'm not talking about stretch marks...I mean internally. Pregnancy has proven to be quite toxic to me.We would have loved more children and sometimes I wonder about our decision to not have anymore. God knows our hearts and I trust His grace is poured over us, even in this. There is a way of thinking in today's society that almost lends to the idea that children are an inconvenience. It is born of selfishness. I believe Nancy's thoughts are to combat the way of thinking that having children should be based on the selfish idea of convenience. My dear bloggy friend, Mary, shares some excellent thoughts on this idea on her blog.
Lie 28. Children need to get exposed to the "real world" so that they can learn to function in it.
Truth: Our goal is not for our children to fit into the world, but to be used by God to change it. Children need to be protected from worldly influences until they are spiritually mature enough to withstand them. (Romans 12:2, Psalm 101)
This is the lie that I have heard over and over again in opposition to our choices as Christian parents to shield our children from worldly influences...from family and friends alike over the years. There is a definite deception among some who think that children should be freely exposed to everything. They need to be sheltered. Nancy talks about exposing a plant to the harsh conditions of winter. We wouldn't do that...knowing that the plant cannot withstand such harsh conditions for it would surely wither and die. The same is true for our kids. They need to be protected from some things. We need to guard what their young minds are exposed to through the media and other forums. One of my favorite verses for my kids when asked why they can't watch something or listen to that music says we should be "wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil" (Romans 16:19) It's true for them and it's true for me. We must guard what our eyes see and what enters our minds.
That being said, I do think that we should not live in fear of worldly influences, either...knowing that we cannot live in a total protective bubble. There will be worldly ideas that weasel their way into our lives and the lives of our children. We do need to use those times as teachable moments...and we need to pray that our children will be equipped to resist those influences. They need to learn to choose light when darkness and light lies before them...in time as they grow. They are stronger when they've been given a solid foundation.
Lie 29. All children will go through a rebellious stage.
Truth: Expecting our children to rebel makes it more likely that they will do so.
I believe this to be true, but I also believe that scripture shows we all have rebellion in our hearts. We all sin. We all fall short. From time to time, my kids have displayed defiance. And, I have offered discipline when needed. And, grace when needed. While we shouldn't expect rebellion from our kids, and we can maintain a loving relationship through their teenage years, we should not feel completely responsible or defeated should we be met with some rebellion from our kids. After all, God was the perfect parent and His children rebelled against Him. It is part of our nature...not that we shouldn't strive against it, nor should we expect it...but we should not feel defeated when we see rebellion rear it's head.
I believe I covered the last two lies (number 30 regarding our children's salvation and number 31 regarding our performance as parents) at the beginning of this post. We should not live in fear of whether or not our children will come to know Christ. Instead, we should teach them the Word, live as godly examples, show love, and pray, pray, pray! Let God do the rest!
I would love to hear your thoughts on the lies and truth about mothering.
Praying for each of us as we navigate our way through this study...
I believe that everything we do needs to be bathed in grace. Perhaps it's because I'm such a mess and I know my desperate need. Perhaps it's because I have battled the deception of performance so much in my own life...feeling defined by my failures, measured by my limitations, locked in the bondage of all the ways I fall short instead of freed by the gift grace being offered by our Savior.
The biggest lie I struggle with as a mother is the one that says we are 100 percent responsible for the behavior of our children. Whenever I focus on my performance as a parent, I am at my worst. That thinking results in feelings of hopeless defeat. My eyes are not even focused on what's best for my kids, but on the picture we are presenting to others. When that happens, nothing good comes from it. I fail...they rebel. So, I try to purpose in my heart to stay away from that line of thinking...to resist focusing on my performance or theirs at all costs.
I have learned the gift of grace-based parenting over the years. Teenagers are good teachers of the concept. I find myself rebelling against my own hypocrisy and legalism, seeing the reflection in their eyes. While I don't always practice grace as I should, it is a freeing gift each time I do.
Another thing that being a mom for seventeen years has taught me is that most battles are best fought on my knees in prayer. God does not give us a spirit of fear. He longs for us to pour out all of our anxious thoughts and concerns at His waiting feet. He is able when I fall short. He can protect my son when he drives away in the car. He can give wisdom for the weighty matters of life. He can soften a hardened heart, shape a rebellious spirit, comfort an anxious mind, heal a wheezing cough. He can go where I cannot. He can see the motives of their hearts. He alone. And, He hears every prayer this mama-heart sets before His throne on behalf of the children that He has good plans for...the children that He loves even more dearly and perfectly than this mother.
That is the hope we rest in. Please don't read this chapter and allow fear to enter your heart. Fear about your children's salvation. Fear about the harmful influences of the world. Fear about your own performance. We are covered in grace...every step of the way.
------------------
Lie 27. It's up to us to determine the size of our family.
Truth: God is the Creator and Giver of life. (Genesis 1)
I will not place judgment on those who seek the Lord's guidance in planning their families. Over the years, I have wondered about some of my own choices in that area. But, I believe it is between the Lord and each married couple to determine what is best for their family. We have five children, and in the having of our children, there was much difficulty. Three of them are in heaven and my body has forever been changed. I'm not talking about stretch marks...I mean internally. Pregnancy has proven to be quite toxic to me.We would have loved more children and sometimes I wonder about our decision to not have anymore. God knows our hearts and I trust His grace is poured over us, even in this. There is a way of thinking in today's society that almost lends to the idea that children are an inconvenience. It is born of selfishness. I believe Nancy's thoughts are to combat the way of thinking that having children should be based on the selfish idea of convenience. My dear bloggy friend, Mary, shares some excellent thoughts on this idea on her blog.
Lie 28. Children need to get exposed to the "real world" so that they can learn to function in it.
Truth: Our goal is not for our children to fit into the world, but to be used by God to change it. Children need to be protected from worldly influences until they are spiritually mature enough to withstand them. (Romans 12:2, Psalm 101)
This is the lie that I have heard over and over again in opposition to our choices as Christian parents to shield our children from worldly influences...from family and friends alike over the years. There is a definite deception among some who think that children should be freely exposed to everything. They need to be sheltered. Nancy talks about exposing a plant to the harsh conditions of winter. We wouldn't do that...knowing that the plant cannot withstand such harsh conditions for it would surely wither and die. The same is true for our kids. They need to be protected from some things. We need to guard what their young minds are exposed to through the media and other forums. One of my favorite verses for my kids when asked why they can't watch something or listen to that music says we should be "wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil" (Romans 16:19) It's true for them and it's true for me. We must guard what our eyes see and what enters our minds.
That being said, I do think that we should not live in fear of worldly influences, either...knowing that we cannot live in a total protective bubble. There will be worldly ideas that weasel their way into our lives and the lives of our children. We do need to use those times as teachable moments...and we need to pray that our children will be equipped to resist those influences. They need to learn to choose light when darkness and light lies before them...in time as they grow. They are stronger when they've been given a solid foundation.
Lie 29. All children will go through a rebellious stage.
Truth: Expecting our children to rebel makes it more likely that they will do so.
I believe this to be true, but I also believe that scripture shows we all have rebellion in our hearts. We all sin. We all fall short. From time to time, my kids have displayed defiance. And, I have offered discipline when needed. And, grace when needed. While we shouldn't expect rebellion from our kids, and we can maintain a loving relationship through their teenage years, we should not feel completely responsible or defeated should we be met with some rebellion from our kids. After all, God was the perfect parent and His children rebelled against Him. It is part of our nature...not that we shouldn't strive against it, nor should we expect it...but we should not feel defeated when we see rebellion rear it's head.
I believe I covered the last two lies (number 30 regarding our children's salvation and number 31 regarding our performance as parents) at the beginning of this post. We should not live in fear of whether or not our children will come to know Christ. Instead, we should teach them the Word, live as godly examples, show love, and pray, pray, pray! Let God do the rest!
I would love to hear your thoughts on the lies and truth about mothering.
Praying for each of us as we navigate our way through this study...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
When Heaven Whispers...
Yep...I'm late to the party again. But, Franchesca's blog hop is just too precious to resist. So, late or not...I'm joining in anyway. I love the idea of the little miracles, the ways God whispers His presence to our hearts...the ways He shows Himself specifically to us. When He does that in my life, I call it a Daddy's little girl moment. Special gifts, sent straight from Him to me...His little girl. Holly wrote about Godwinks in her post. I love that.
There are so many moments when God has whispered His love to my heart...times when I needed it most. There are also little gifts that remind me of some of heaven's residents most precious to me....Faith, Grace, Thomas, and my mom. I ache with missing for each of them. And, yet...there are moments when heaven doesn't seem so far away. It seems as close as a whisper, as near as a gentle breeze caressing my cheek on a warm summer day.
With each snowfall, I remember my Faith and Grace...and the first snowfall of the season on that November day in 1996, an uncharacteristically early snow...the day I met my daughters and drank in the beauty of their tiny faces. A sight that needed to last a lifetime. I especially love the snow with big fluffy snowflakes...just like they were that day...perfect and uniquely created by God...just like like my little girls.
Thomas is in the days with crisp blue skies and big fluffy white clouds. He is in the heaven shining through. Just like the day we stood by His grave. Light shining through darkness. Every time I lift my voice to sing "Oh Lord You're Beautiful", I remember the beauty of his face and glory that filled the room on the day Jesus came to carry my Thomas home while I sang those words and rocked my sweet boy. It is the closest I have come to Jesus....feeling Him whisper past me that day.
Tim, the boys, and I released balloons on Thomas' birthday in July...and the sky looked just like it did the day we placed his body to rest, twelve years ago.
This hand, holding this balloon, standing beside the grave of our babies....that's no small miracle....
Weeks after the balloon release, Tim came in with a deflated blue balloon, our message of love still attached. He said, "Look what I found in the yard. No coincidence there, huh?" Sweet Thomas loves his mommy and daddy, too....and so does our heavenly Father. We parents who don't get to see our little ones run and jump and live this life love to look for moments that remind us and reassure us that our babies live on in Heaven, and we will hold them again.
I miss my mom everyday. Every season reminds me of her. I love to ride my bike and feel the wind in my hair, like she did before the illnesses robbed her of strength. Every time we drive over the little hills and dips in the road she called belly getters, she is with us, smiling down on us. There are so many sweet memories that she lives in. Every time I send a Comfort Bear to a grieving mom, she is there. The day I looked up ...feeling helpless with her craft stuff scattered before me, clueless as to how to put the finishing touches on the bear...shouting to the heavens that I couldn't do this...that she should be here to do it. She was there. The day my sweet nephew Max was born and the room that he was born in just happened to be the hospital room donated in mom's memory...with her name on the door above scripture that God whispered to our hearts as she slipped from this world to the next. She was there. She loved her grandbabies...of course, she wouldn't miss that for the world! When I glance in the mirror, I often stop for a moment...seeing her eyes looking back at me. I have her eyes. And, I carry with me pieces of her.
I love when God whispers to our hearts that He is there. And, I love when heaven whispers to our hearts...a place so real...a place that waits for us...a place where part of our hearts will be waiting in longing until we meet again.
---------------------
Quick announcement: I just wanted to encourage any mamas who are missing their sweet babies...if you have not taken part in the Threads of Hope bible study, they will be starting another study soon at Anchored by Hope. This is a wonderful study! We covered it on Walking With You last year, and I found it to be a great encouragement.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Cling
I'm always late to the party.
And, this time is no exception.
When 2011 dawned, many people were writing about choosing a word that would encompass this year for them. Maybe it's a word that God had whispered to their hearts...a word holding a promise of what was to come...or a word that held a special meaning, a message just for them.
I don't know who started this practice, and truth be told, I just heard of it this year. As a lover of words, myself, I'm not sure how I've missed out on this for so long. Even after reading about other people's inspiring words for 2011, I didn't choose one for myself. Not right away. I'm a procrastinator like that. Hence...the always being late to the party...or where ever else I happen to be going.
Besides...there was a stirring in my heart that the word needed to choose me....
You know...if there was even going to be a word at all...
I put it aside like a faithful procrastinator...too busy to contemplate the perfect word. I'm the type of person who can't choose a restaurant to have lunch, and I almost always regret what I choose to eat...wishing I would have chosen something else. It's hard enough to make decisions and commitments that I have to make. I certainly wasn't going to seek one out. And, especially not such a weighty decision as what word would encompass and define this entire year. No, thank you.
But, when something seeks you...
When God tugs at your heart, stirring in your depths, pursuing your wandering gaze, demanding your attention with a persistence that is both relentless and full of gentle speaking grace...
Well, now...that's a different thing entirely....
A word began to form, deep inside my depths. Such a quiet whisper, I'm not sure how I even heard it. It resonated, barely a thought, but already part of me. Small and still, but clear and resolutely there all at the same time...
Cling...
I tried to shake it away. Cling? That's going to be the word...my word?? What does that even mean? Even as I asked, I knew. The word had already staked it's claim. My spirit knew. Even in the knowing, I resisted.
But, when He pursues you...
With one word....
With one breath...one thought...one look of His eyes...
Sometime in January, my in real life friend, Lynette, called. My little prayer warrior friend, the tiny woman with four boys who prays mighty prayers. Lynette had heard a teaching on the radio about the concept of choosing a word to focus on for the year. Allowing God to speak to your heart and mull it over, chewing on what He has to say about that particular concept in your life.
I smiled knowingly....in awe of His pursuit, but not surprised. He is faithful like that...
Again, the word Cling sprang immediately to my heart...but I didn't speak it with my lips. I heard myself say instead that some blogger friends had been talking about this very thing. She and I committed to pray about the word God would have us focus on for the coming year. We would then share the word with each other and encourage one another with what God had to show us.
I did pray...
But, each time I came to Him, the bold whisper....His answer...was there before I could make the request. Even as I prayed about other things, it was there...bubbling up...piercing through. How can a whisper be so certain, so full of authority, so unrelenting?
Really?
That's the word?
Finally, as I drove in the car alone one day last week, listening to JJ Heller's hauntingly beautiful, naked-hearted voice, pondering all the anxieties that plague our hearts...all the weighty things of this world that entangle us, stealing our joy, stifling and choking the very life from our lungs, all the broken places that keep us from being the people we were created to be...His word...the word He was offering to me...nay the word He had bestowed upon me...the word that had chosen me...pierced through my thoughts again, with it's attention-demanding whisper.
Cling...
I yielded, allowing the word to claim me with it's embrace, washing over me as I embraced it right back.
What would I cling to as I flail through the coming year with all my imperfections? For comfort, for peace, for joy, for wisdom....would I cling to my stinky onion layers, or would I reach for Him? Would I cling to the hem of His garment as if my life depended on it? There is a lot of letting go involved in the act of clinging to Him.
Not wanting my own thoughts to pollute the truth He wanted to speak into my life, I typed the word cling into the bible gateway search....
He spoke...
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (New King James Version)
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”
(emphasis and italics mine)
If there were nothing else said, that would be enough. The above words are enough for my heart to ponder for a lifetime. Scripture to base not only this year on...but the length of my days...being led by those words.
Yet...there is more...
A loving warning should we choose to cling to something else...
Joshua 23:11-13 (New King James Version)
Therefore take careful heed to yourselves, that you love the LORD your God. Or else, if indeed you do go back, and cling to the remnant of these nations—these that remain among you—and make marriages with them, and go in to them and they to you, know for certain that the LORD your God will no longer drive out these nations from before you. But they shall be snares and traps to you, and scourges on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land which the LORD your God has given you.
Instead, may this be the cry of my heart...
Psalm 101:3 (New King James Version)
I will set nothing wicked before my eyes;
I hate the work of those who fall away;
It shall not cling to me.
And, may this be my daily prayer...
Psalm 63 (New International Version, ©2010)
You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.
If I'm not clinging to Him, what am I clinging to? One brings life, and the other death. Much to ponder in the coming year, and for the length of my days.
And, yet...such beautiful simplicity.
One, whispered word....
Cling...
And, this time is no exception.
When 2011 dawned, many people were writing about choosing a word that would encompass this year for them. Maybe it's a word that God had whispered to their hearts...a word holding a promise of what was to come...or a word that held a special meaning, a message just for them.
I don't know who started this practice, and truth be told, I just heard of it this year. As a lover of words, myself, I'm not sure how I've missed out on this for so long. Even after reading about other people's inspiring words for 2011, I didn't choose one for myself. Not right away. I'm a procrastinator like that. Hence...the always being late to the party...or where ever else I happen to be going.
Besides...there was a stirring in my heart that the word needed to choose me....
You know...if there was even going to be a word at all...
I put it aside like a faithful procrastinator...too busy to contemplate the perfect word. I'm the type of person who can't choose a restaurant to have lunch, and I almost always regret what I choose to eat...wishing I would have chosen something else. It's hard enough to make decisions and commitments that I have to make. I certainly wasn't going to seek one out. And, especially not such a weighty decision as what word would encompass and define this entire year. No, thank you.
But, when something seeks you...
When God tugs at your heart, stirring in your depths, pursuing your wandering gaze, demanding your attention with a persistence that is both relentless and full of gentle speaking grace...
Well, now...that's a different thing entirely....
A word began to form, deep inside my depths. Such a quiet whisper, I'm not sure how I even heard it. It resonated, barely a thought, but already part of me. Small and still, but clear and resolutely there all at the same time...
Cling...
I tried to shake it away. Cling? That's going to be the word...my word?? What does that even mean? Even as I asked, I knew. The word had already staked it's claim. My spirit knew. Even in the knowing, I resisted.
But, when He pursues you...
With one word....
With one breath...one thought...one look of His eyes...
Sometime in January, my in real life friend, Lynette, called. My little prayer warrior friend, the tiny woman with four boys who prays mighty prayers. Lynette had heard a teaching on the radio about the concept of choosing a word to focus on for the year. Allowing God to speak to your heart and mull it over, chewing on what He has to say about that particular concept in your life.
I smiled knowingly....in awe of His pursuit, but not surprised. He is faithful like that...
Again, the word Cling sprang immediately to my heart...but I didn't speak it with my lips. I heard myself say instead that some blogger friends had been talking about this very thing. She and I committed to pray about the word God would have us focus on for the coming year. We would then share the word with each other and encourage one another with what God had to show us.
I did pray...
But, each time I came to Him, the bold whisper....His answer...was there before I could make the request. Even as I prayed about other things, it was there...bubbling up...piercing through. How can a whisper be so certain, so full of authority, so unrelenting?
Really?
That's the word?
Finally, as I drove in the car alone one day last week, listening to JJ Heller's hauntingly beautiful, naked-hearted voice, pondering all the anxieties that plague our hearts...all the weighty things of this world that entangle us, stealing our joy, stifling and choking the very life from our lungs, all the broken places that keep us from being the people we were created to be...His word...the word He was offering to me...nay the word He had bestowed upon me...the word that had chosen me...pierced through my thoughts again, with it's attention-demanding whisper.
Cling...
I yielded, allowing the word to claim me with it's embrace, washing over me as I embraced it right back.
What would I cling to as I flail through the coming year with all my imperfections? For comfort, for peace, for joy, for wisdom....would I cling to my stinky onion layers, or would I reach for Him? Would I cling to the hem of His garment as if my life depended on it? There is a lot of letting go involved in the act of clinging to Him.
Not wanting my own thoughts to pollute the truth He wanted to speak into my life, I typed the word cling into the bible gateway search....
He spoke...
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (New King James Version)
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”
(emphasis and italics mine)
If there were nothing else said, that would be enough. The above words are enough for my heart to ponder for a lifetime. Scripture to base not only this year on...but the length of my days...being led by those words.
Yet...there is more...
A loving warning should we choose to cling to something else...
Joshua 23:11-13 (New King James Version)
Therefore take careful heed to yourselves, that you love the LORD your God. Or else, if indeed you do go back, and cling to the remnant of these nations—these that remain among you—and make marriages with them, and go in to them and they to you, know for certain that the LORD your God will no longer drive out these nations from before you. But they shall be snares and traps to you, and scourges on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land which the LORD your God has given you.
Instead, may this be the cry of my heart...
Psalm 101:3 (New King James Version)
I will set nothing wicked before my eyes;
I hate the work of those who fall away;
It shall not cling to me.
And, may this be my daily prayer...
Psalm 63 (New International Version, ©2010)
You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.
If I'm not clinging to Him, what am I clinging to? One brings life, and the other death. Much to ponder in the coming year, and for the length of my days.
And, yet...such beautiful simplicity.
One, whispered word....
Cling...
Monday, February 14, 2011
Created to be a Helpmate...Chapter Six...Lies Women Believe About Marriage
This week's chapter of Lies Women Believe is so full of important truths and revealing lies that women struggle with...too much for one post. I'm going to skim through some of the concepts and leave links to posts that have previously covered some of these important topics on marriage.
Let's dig in. I find it interesting, but certainly not surprising, that Satan began the demise of the human race by attacking the holy institution of marriage. I remember when God began to reveal to me the beauty He intended for marriage...the mystical miracle, the intricate plan. It delighted me to learn the nuances....to watch the unfolding of His love story as we lived ours. When I learned through His Word how He designed marriage to reflect our relationship with Him...to grow us into the people He created us to be...to tangibly show us a picture of His love. That blows my mind today as much as it did the first day I realized that incredible earth-shaking truth.
Last night, at the Heart to Heart marriage enrichment evening at our church, (which by the way was delightful and full of laughter), the speakers talked about God's intention for intimacy in marriage. Complete intimacy...not just in a physical sense. But the idea that we can completely trust ourselves with one another, lay down all of our rights to whatever we think we have the right to, open ourselves up, being vulnerable, knowing that we are safe with one another. They spoke of the oneness we are meant to share: body, heart, and mind. A connectedness that is nothing short of a miracle.
It's possible...when we do things His way.
And, it's amazing when it happens. I remember when it began for me. It was when I learned that I needed to stop waiting for Tim to change and just let God start changing me. It was when He began to love Tim through me, teaching me about the beauty and freeing gift of submission. The importance of building my husband up...respecting and honoring him....giving myself to him in ways that spoke his love language. It was when He taught me to start praying and get out of the way. Stop undermining and start encouraging. Stop looking to Tim to meet my every need...and start looking to Jesus. Before Tim walked with the Lord, God began to reveal the beautiful qualities He had already placed in him...qualities that God would one day use in Tim's life to bring honor to Him, and show the love of Jesus to others. He taught me to stop looking at flaws and showed me how "love always hopes, always endures, thinks no evil". Love doesn't look at what we lack...love looks at the blessed gifts in each of us. I learned about dying to my selfish wants and desires and something incredible happened.
As I gave myself to Tim, loving him with abandon and no strings attached....as I prayed and learned to get out of the way...God began to work in both of us until broken things were restored, sins were forgiven, hurts were healed, and he began to give his heart to me in ways that I needed. It is a circle of love...of laying it all down. And, a mutual submitting that defies logic. In losing our lives, we gain life. In laying it all down, we are filled. In giving all the love in our hearts, we are given back love. It's the way our relationship with God should look...the oneness, the being completely submitted to Him, the vulnerability, the trust, the sheer beauty of loving with complete abandon.
Basically all of the above...covers most of the truth about the following lies covered in Chapter Six of Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
Lie 21: I have to have a husband to be happy.
Truth: "The Truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to glorify God." Nancy shares some more excellent points in this chapter about not overwhelming our husbands with all of our needs.
Lie 22: It is my responsibility to change my mate.
Truth: Only the Holy Spirit can change our spouse...and it's not our job. We will get much further by living a Godly life (winning our husband's without a word - not nagging!), praying, and getting out of the way, allowing God to work. I would also like to add that our husband's flaws are none of our business and we should not even look at or dwell on them. Time is much better spent dealing with our own flaws...something we can change.
Lie 23: My husband is supposed to serve me.
Truth: "God did not make the man to be a 'helper' to the woman. He made the woman to be a 'helper' to the man." (Such truthful words from the author, based on scripture.) The beautiful thing is that if we fulfill our roles as helpmate, often it makes it easier for our husbands to fulfill their roles as a loving spiritual leader...one that loves us so much he will give his life for us. He gives his life for us, by laying down his own wants and putting us first, just as we do the same for him. It is truly a beautiful circle of love...and mutual submission.
Lie 24: If I submit to my husband, I will be miserable.
Truth: Submission is one of the most liberating gifts God has given us. It is meant for our good and our protection. Meant to show us a full picture of our relationship with Him. I encourage you to study out Nancy's thoughts further...as there is much deception about the true gift submission is meant to be. I shared a bit about it in this post: Submission and this post Great Expectations.
Lie 25: If my husband is passive, I've Got to Take the Initiative or nothing will get done."
Truth: In my words...we are most of the time better off if we get out of the way and pray than stand in our husband's way of being the man God has created him to be. We fulfill our role much better as an encourager than one who continually steps in front of our husband or takes the reigns from his hands. Trust God...and trust your husband. They can handle it.
Lie 26: Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage.
Truth: "Marriage is a lifelong covenant, He is faithful and we can be too. There is no marriage God cannot heal...no person He can't change. God's grace is sufficient...This is not to say that sometimes, for safety...in cases of abuse and habitual infidelity that a woman should stay in an unsafe situation. God gives wisdom and we should seek His direction and a woman should keep her children and herself safe, should she find herself in such a destructive relationship. But, too many people give up on marriage instead of sticking it out through the hard stuff...through the disappointments. There is joy on the other side, and He can enable you to remain faithful.
Love to all this Valentine's Day....praying that all may know how precious you are to our loving Father...and how deeply loved you are....
Let's dig in. I find it interesting, but certainly not surprising, that Satan began the demise of the human race by attacking the holy institution of marriage. I remember when God began to reveal to me the beauty He intended for marriage...the mystical miracle, the intricate plan. It delighted me to learn the nuances....to watch the unfolding of His love story as we lived ours. When I learned through His Word how He designed marriage to reflect our relationship with Him...to grow us into the people He created us to be...to tangibly show us a picture of His love. That blows my mind today as much as it did the first day I realized that incredible earth-shaking truth.
Last night, at the Heart to Heart marriage enrichment evening at our church, (which by the way was delightful and full of laughter), the speakers talked about God's intention for intimacy in marriage. Complete intimacy...not just in a physical sense. But the idea that we can completely trust ourselves with one another, lay down all of our rights to whatever we think we have the right to, open ourselves up, being vulnerable, knowing that we are safe with one another. They spoke of the oneness we are meant to share: body, heart, and mind. A connectedness that is nothing short of a miracle.
It's possible...when we do things His way.
And, it's amazing when it happens. I remember when it began for me. It was when I learned that I needed to stop waiting for Tim to change and just let God start changing me. It was when He began to love Tim through me, teaching me about the beauty and freeing gift of submission. The importance of building my husband up...respecting and honoring him....giving myself to him in ways that spoke his love language. It was when He taught me to start praying and get out of the way. Stop undermining and start encouraging. Stop looking to Tim to meet my every need...and start looking to Jesus. Before Tim walked with the Lord, God began to reveal the beautiful qualities He had already placed in him...qualities that God would one day use in Tim's life to bring honor to Him, and show the love of Jesus to others. He taught me to stop looking at flaws and showed me how "love always hopes, always endures, thinks no evil". Love doesn't look at what we lack...love looks at the blessed gifts in each of us. I learned about dying to my selfish wants and desires and something incredible happened.
As I gave myself to Tim, loving him with abandon and no strings attached....as I prayed and learned to get out of the way...God began to work in both of us until broken things were restored, sins were forgiven, hurts were healed, and he began to give his heart to me in ways that I needed. It is a circle of love...of laying it all down. And, a mutual submitting that defies logic. In losing our lives, we gain life. In laying it all down, we are filled. In giving all the love in our hearts, we are given back love. It's the way our relationship with God should look...the oneness, the being completely submitted to Him, the vulnerability, the trust, the sheer beauty of loving with complete abandon.
Basically all of the above...covers most of the truth about the following lies covered in Chapter Six of Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
Lie 21: I have to have a husband to be happy.
Truth: "The Truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to glorify God." Nancy shares some more excellent points in this chapter about not overwhelming our husbands with all of our needs.
Lie 22: It is my responsibility to change my mate.
Truth: Only the Holy Spirit can change our spouse...and it's not our job. We will get much further by living a Godly life (winning our husband's without a word - not nagging!), praying, and getting out of the way, allowing God to work. I would also like to add that our husband's flaws are none of our business and we should not even look at or dwell on them. Time is much better spent dealing with our own flaws...something we can change.
Lie 23: My husband is supposed to serve me.
Truth: "God did not make the man to be a 'helper' to the woman. He made the woman to be a 'helper' to the man." (Such truthful words from the author, based on scripture.) The beautiful thing is that if we fulfill our roles as helpmate, often it makes it easier for our husbands to fulfill their roles as a loving spiritual leader...one that loves us so much he will give his life for us. He gives his life for us, by laying down his own wants and putting us first, just as we do the same for him. It is truly a beautiful circle of love...and mutual submission.
Lie 24: If I submit to my husband, I will be miserable.
Truth: Submission is one of the most liberating gifts God has given us. It is meant for our good and our protection. Meant to show us a full picture of our relationship with Him. I encourage you to study out Nancy's thoughts further...as there is much deception about the true gift submission is meant to be. I shared a bit about it in this post: Submission and this post Great Expectations.
Lie 25: If my husband is passive, I've Got to Take the Initiative or nothing will get done."
Truth: In my words...we are most of the time better off if we get out of the way and pray than stand in our husband's way of being the man God has created him to be. We fulfill our role much better as an encourager than one who continually steps in front of our husband or takes the reigns from his hands. Trust God...and trust your husband. They can handle it.
Lie 26: Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage.
Truth: "Marriage is a lifelong covenant, He is faithful and we can be too. There is no marriage God cannot heal...no person He can't change. God's grace is sufficient...This is not to say that sometimes, for safety...in cases of abuse and habitual infidelity that a woman should stay in an unsafe situation. God gives wisdom and we should seek His direction and a woman should keep her children and herself safe, should she find herself in such a destructive relationship. But, too many people give up on marriage instead of sticking it out through the hard stuff...through the disappointments. There is joy on the other side, and He can enable you to remain faithful.
Love to all this Valentine's Day....praying that all may know how precious you are to our loving Father...and how deeply loved you are....
Saturday, February 12, 2011
What We Don't Love About Marriage Enrichment Seminars....Giveaway Winners...and Humbling Thoughts on Expectations
Congrats to the winners listed below. Please email me your address and I will ship your items. Also, if you are a baby lost mama, and have not received a Dreams of You Memory Book and Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace and would like one, please let me know in the email and we will include that with your "prize".
Gift of Time Book Winners
Melissa
Teresa
Love Post Giveaway Winners
Beauty Will Rise CD - Deanna
When I'm With You (JJ Heller) CD - Kristin
-------------------------------------
Just a little heads-up. I'm going to be honest in this post. Hope you will still love me when I'm done. Truthfully, that matters to me much more than it should...more than I would like to admit. We aren't supposed to care what other people think. But, I do. I'm weak like that.
First...I'm going to share a little secret. Tim and I are not marriage enrichment seminar people. Don't get me wrong, we're glad they exist. Obviously, we think marriage should be encouraged and enriched. I'm not sure what it is...or why I feel compelled to search out the deep mystery of it at 4:00a.m., but we struggle with marriage enriching activities. Even the movie Fireproof, which I have recommended, and even gave away on this blog....we didn't feel encouraged by it. I'm grateful the movie exists and wholeheartedly embrace and endorse it's message. I think it is a wonderful movie, with a much-needed message that honors God and marriage beautifully. But, we didn't feel closer after watching it. We felt as if we had already walked through that time of struggle in our marriage...that God had brought us to a different place. And, frankly....call us shallow...we thought we would rather spend our time laughing together. Honestly, we've cried plenty over the years...we've searched out the deep things...felt the depth of them...we've done hard. And, in some ways...we still are. Life isn't perfect or easy.
Marriage enrichment seminars are often not our favorite thing, either. And here's why...I think. They can be a great encouragement to some and have wonderful value. But, here's the danger. They can also point out flaws in one another we weren't looking at before. They can plant expectations in our hearts and minds...that lead to disappointment when one of us does not meet that expectation for the other. Love doesn't put expectations on another. Love lays it all down...the expectations, the selfish wants, the "what about me's", the rights we think we have. Love lays it all down. And, love doesn't look at the flaws. Check out I Corinthians 13. Perhaps I'm writing all of this as a reminder to myself, because we are going to a marriage enrichment thing at church tonight. And, quite frankly, it's on my mind.
Most of the time, I'll be honest.....Tim and I would rather go to dinner, walk around The Guitar Center, and laugh together. Play music together. Hold hands and pray on Sunday morning. Or, in the summer...soak in the beauty of God's creation on the golf course...and laugh some more. Those are the moments that enrich our marriage. That feels like time well spent. Time appreciating the simple gift of one another. Not dwelling on all the ways we may or may not measure up. Right or wrong, that's how we often feel about marriage enrichment....like it's a measuring stick. I know it's not meant to be that way. Not at all. We may, or may not be the only ones who feel this way. I'm doubting we are, if we're honest. ;) Anyway, tonight we are going. And, I'm secretly hoping for some laughs.
-----------------
O.K...last uncomfortably honest revelation and then I'm going to make some tea with honey and start this day.
We've been sharing posts on the Lies Women Believe Study. I was determined before I started it, not to grow discouraged if I posted each week, and heard nothing in reply. Remembering previous studies, when I thought others, who showed enthusiasm at first, would join in and encourage one another on the blog...that we could discuss and pray for each other on each week's topic. I was disappointed when that didn't happen. Like marriage enrichment....I had expectations. Expectations are never good. They always lead to discouragement. Because at some point, none of us will measure up.
I prayed about the study, telling myself that I was doing it to serve the Lord, to be an encouragement, and because I needed to do the study. I needed the accountability...the commitment. So, I purposed in my heart...stay focused on the Lord. Just do the study each week. Pray. Write the post. Don't look at whether or not anyone is participating. Just obey. I sent books out to those interested. I was exciting to see that several of you were interested. I launched in with enthusiasm, and then it happened. Slowly, less and less people joined in to add their thoughts. I shared my heart in the posts, but the discussion I hoped for where we all encouraged one another didn't happen. My expectations...no matter how I tried not to have any...weren't met.
Along the way, a few ladies have shared that they are reading along. And they have been blessed by the book. Instead of just being glad they were getting blessed, I wondered why they hadn't joined in on the blog posts and Blog Frog, encouraging each other more in the study. I was grateful to know they were joining in and grateful for the conversation it sparked in that moment. Their input encouraged me to continue, knowing that others where being encouraged. But, as I continued and heard from less and less from my blogger friends, I grew discouraged again. Frustrated by my own expectations, I missed the blessing. I missed the true point of why God laid it on my heart to do the study in the first place...to encourage other women in the areas we struggle. What does it matter if it's not happening the way I pictured it? What matters is, it's happening. Women are reading the book and getting stretched and thinking differently about a few things. God is speaking truth into their hearts. Isn't that the goal?
Yes.
But, for a little while, I was small and hurt. Feeling lonely after pouring out my own heart and getting little to no response. This week, I wrote about the struggles many women face with priorities and the difference between condemnation and conviction. A topic I thought might be of interest...even if some aren't reading the book. Something I thought we all struggle with to some degree as moms with various roles in a busy world.
And...crickets.
I wondered...should I keep going with the study? Is anyone out there? Is this helping? Is it relevant? Is it being a good steward of time?
Then, earlier today, another friend shared how the study is blessing her. I told her some of my struggle with the lack of response, and saw when I heard my words out loud, how ugly it sounded for me to be discouraged about my expectations not getting met. I was missing the fact that God was blessing her for taking part in the study. She said, "I'm sorry it's not turning out the way you hoped, but God is blessing me through the study. He is changing me, and I just wanted you to know." I was so humbled by the beauty of what she was saying in contrast to the ugliness of my flesh in that weak moment. God gently reminded me...it's not about me. Even if we never see the fruit...even if there is not the response we hoped, or any response at all...our job is just to do what God has laid on our hearts to do. We never know how He may be using it to minister to someone's heart. And...we don't have to know.
My pastor often says, even if one person shows up to a bible study, he would teach. It is up to the Lord to do the work in someone else's heart and life. We are just the vessel. We just obey. Just show up. Just write the blog post. Whether anyone reads it or not...whether it speaks to anyone else's heart or not. That isn't ours to decide...or even to know. God gives the increase. He gets the glory. We are just humbled and blessed beyond words that He is merciful enough to take us along for the ride.
For those who have shared what they are experiencing during this study...thank you. To those who are out there reading along, thank you. I pray that you are getting blessed and encouraged, as I have been, doing this study. (Also...please don't take this post wrong. I understand getting busy and juggling many things. This isn't meant to induce guilt. Just wanted to share something God spoke to my heart and revealed about a wrong attitude I was having...not trying to discourage...but rather encourage!)
O.K...I think that's enough raw honesty for now...and way too much exposure. I'm going to hit publish before I think too much more about this, and sip my tea, and soak in this Saturday.
Have a blessed day! And thanks for sticking with me...flaws and all.
Gift of Time Book Winners
Melissa
Teresa
Love Post Giveaway Winners
Beauty Will Rise CD - Deanna
When I'm With You (JJ Heller) CD - Kristin
-------------------------------------
Just a little heads-up. I'm going to be honest in this post. Hope you will still love me when I'm done. Truthfully, that matters to me much more than it should...more than I would like to admit. We aren't supposed to care what other people think. But, I do. I'm weak like that.
First...I'm going to share a little secret. Tim and I are not marriage enrichment seminar people. Don't get me wrong, we're glad they exist. Obviously, we think marriage should be encouraged and enriched. I'm not sure what it is...or why I feel compelled to search out the deep mystery of it at 4:00a.m., but we struggle with marriage enriching activities. Even the movie Fireproof, which I have recommended, and even gave away on this blog....we didn't feel encouraged by it. I'm grateful the movie exists and wholeheartedly embrace and endorse it's message. I think it is a wonderful movie, with a much-needed message that honors God and marriage beautifully. But, we didn't feel closer after watching it. We felt as if we had already walked through that time of struggle in our marriage...that God had brought us to a different place. And, frankly....call us shallow...we thought we would rather spend our time laughing together. Honestly, we've cried plenty over the years...we've searched out the deep things...felt the depth of them...we've done hard. And, in some ways...we still are. Life isn't perfect or easy.
Marriage enrichment seminars are often not our favorite thing, either. And here's why...I think. They can be a great encouragement to some and have wonderful value. But, here's the danger. They can also point out flaws in one another we weren't looking at before. They can plant expectations in our hearts and minds...that lead to disappointment when one of us does not meet that expectation for the other. Love doesn't put expectations on another. Love lays it all down...the expectations, the selfish wants, the "what about me's", the rights we think we have. Love lays it all down. And, love doesn't look at the flaws. Check out I Corinthians 13. Perhaps I'm writing all of this as a reminder to myself, because we are going to a marriage enrichment thing at church tonight. And, quite frankly, it's on my mind.
Most of the time, I'll be honest.....Tim and I would rather go to dinner, walk around The Guitar Center, and laugh together. Play music together. Hold hands and pray on Sunday morning. Or, in the summer...soak in the beauty of God's creation on the golf course...and laugh some more. Those are the moments that enrich our marriage. That feels like time well spent. Time appreciating the simple gift of one another. Not dwelling on all the ways we may or may not measure up. Right or wrong, that's how we often feel about marriage enrichment....like it's a measuring stick. I know it's not meant to be that way. Not at all. We may, or may not be the only ones who feel this way. I'm doubting we are, if we're honest. ;) Anyway, tonight we are going. And, I'm secretly hoping for some laughs.
-----------------
O.K...last uncomfortably honest revelation and then I'm going to make some tea with honey and start this day.
We've been sharing posts on the Lies Women Believe Study. I was determined before I started it, not to grow discouraged if I posted each week, and heard nothing in reply. Remembering previous studies, when I thought others, who showed enthusiasm at first, would join in and encourage one another on the blog...that we could discuss and pray for each other on each week's topic. I was disappointed when that didn't happen. Like marriage enrichment....I had expectations. Expectations are never good. They always lead to discouragement. Because at some point, none of us will measure up.
I prayed about the study, telling myself that I was doing it to serve the Lord, to be an encouragement, and because I needed to do the study. I needed the accountability...the commitment. So, I purposed in my heart...stay focused on the Lord. Just do the study each week. Pray. Write the post. Don't look at whether or not anyone is participating. Just obey. I sent books out to those interested. I was exciting to see that several of you were interested. I launched in with enthusiasm, and then it happened. Slowly, less and less people joined in to add their thoughts. I shared my heart in the posts, but the discussion I hoped for where we all encouraged one another didn't happen. My expectations...no matter how I tried not to have any...weren't met.
Along the way, a few ladies have shared that they are reading along. And they have been blessed by the book. Instead of just being glad they were getting blessed, I wondered why they hadn't joined in on the blog posts and Blog Frog, encouraging each other more in the study. I was grateful to know they were joining in and grateful for the conversation it sparked in that moment. Their input encouraged me to continue, knowing that others where being encouraged. But, as I continued and heard from less and less from my blogger friends, I grew discouraged again. Frustrated by my own expectations, I missed the blessing. I missed the true point of why God laid it on my heart to do the study in the first place...to encourage other women in the areas we struggle. What does it matter if it's not happening the way I pictured it? What matters is, it's happening. Women are reading the book and getting stretched and thinking differently about a few things. God is speaking truth into their hearts. Isn't that the goal?
Yes.
But, for a little while, I was small and hurt. Feeling lonely after pouring out my own heart and getting little to no response. This week, I wrote about the struggles many women face with priorities and the difference between condemnation and conviction. A topic I thought might be of interest...even if some aren't reading the book. Something I thought we all struggle with to some degree as moms with various roles in a busy world.
And...crickets.
I wondered...should I keep going with the study? Is anyone out there? Is this helping? Is it relevant? Is it being a good steward of time?
Then, earlier today, another friend shared how the study is blessing her. I told her some of my struggle with the lack of response, and saw when I heard my words out loud, how ugly it sounded for me to be discouraged about my expectations not getting met. I was missing the fact that God was blessing her for taking part in the study. She said, "I'm sorry it's not turning out the way you hoped, but God is blessing me through the study. He is changing me, and I just wanted you to know." I was so humbled by the beauty of what she was saying in contrast to the ugliness of my flesh in that weak moment. God gently reminded me...it's not about me. Even if we never see the fruit...even if there is not the response we hoped, or any response at all...our job is just to do what God has laid on our hearts to do. We never know how He may be using it to minister to someone's heart. And...we don't have to know.
My pastor often says, even if one person shows up to a bible study, he would teach. It is up to the Lord to do the work in someone else's heart and life. We are just the vessel. We just obey. Just show up. Just write the blog post. Whether anyone reads it or not...whether it speaks to anyone else's heart or not. That isn't ours to decide...or even to know. God gives the increase. He gets the glory. We are just humbled and blessed beyond words that He is merciful enough to take us along for the ride.
For those who have shared what they are experiencing during this study...thank you. To those who are out there reading along, thank you. I pray that you are getting blessed and encouraged, as I have been, doing this study. (Also...please don't take this post wrong. I understand getting busy and juggling many things. This isn't meant to induce guilt. Just wanted to share something God spoke to my heart and revealed about a wrong attitude I was having...not trying to discourage...but rather encourage!)
O.K...I think that's enough raw honesty for now...and way too much exposure. I'm going to hit publish before I think too much more about this, and sip my tea, and soak in this Saturday.
Have a blessed day! And thanks for sticking with me...flaws and all.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Snapshots of Love
Giveaway is now closed...winners have been announced!
I am joining with Mattie and several other sweet bloggy-friends to share What Love Really Means during the month of February. I must say, this post has been tugging at my heart, hanging over my head, and nagging on my mind since I agreed to write it. Love is such a vast topic, and we, with our finite, human minds are so inadequate to describe such a glorious mystery. I know I cannot share the depths of all that love really is in this little post. So, I will share but a piece of what love has come to mean to me. Snapshots of love God has bestowed on our lives and a few of love's many languages spoken into our hearts.
The greatest love story ever told, is of course, the story of Jesus, coming to redeem and save His broken people. The greatest earthly love story I've ever known is my own, or rather, it is the story of the love He has woven between us.
Some snapshots of our love...
Laughter...
That's the first love language Tim spoke to me. He made me laugh like no one ever has, and he did it in the midst of such teenage angst and brokenness. That laughter was music to my soul and a healing balm to all my broken places. He stole my heart with his quick-witted humor and chocolate brown eyes. There was an honest purity in those eyes. I trusted him.
Steadfast...
I was a spitfire. My own storm. A huge pain in the neck. (Sometimes I still am.) And, he stood firm in the midst of my fury and passion. I close my eyes and remember a shouting match that was mostly me shouting and spewing forth too many words, and him standing steadfast. He knocked on the door I had just slammed in his face, and thrust a tiny diamond in front of me, asking me to marry him, with a sheepish grin, while I still seethed with ugliness. The beginning of a life filled with moments of imperfection covered by grace, I said "yes", and slipped the dainty ring on my finger.
Doing the Hard Things...
The Ashes...
Working, going to school, staying when others would have walked away...
Sitting by Timothy's hospital bed, laying down his own plans...choosing us...
Scraping by on minimum wage...
Hanging on by a thread, two clueless young hearts trying to be grown-ups before our time in a tiny one bedroom apartment with a baby bouncing in the crib....
Me on my knees, surrendering at the foot of the cross, and him breathing in the black air of the factory and studying government...
Stolen moments of laughter in a foreign place of sorrow through the fresh heaviness of grief, laughter that only he could deliver as my arms ached for the girls I held for moments in my arms, but forever in my heart...
Standing by the grave of our only daughters on a cold November day, coaxing me to leave with his words of reassurance...
Him, going to work still freshly broken and coming home to me, collapsing in his arms in a puddle of grief and emptiness...
Trying again...an attempt to fill the emptiness...
His face, drained of color and the agony gripping my heart when we heard the words "incompatible with life".
Driving home in the rain...
Another tiny coffin, this time lined in blue...
Weeping together...
Me, on my knees again at the feet of Jesus...
Abiding, remaining, loving through the hard. Letting God love through me, when I was too weak.
Redemption and Grace...
The Beauty...
A sweet miracle and the sound of our newborn baby's cry...the sweetest sound...
Coming home...
His hands, calloused from hard work, folded in prayer on Sunday morning.
Him, standing in the food line, dressed in his suit on the day we buried my mother, carrying our plates, thinking when my brain stopped...
The guitar music that fills our house...
The sound of my voice blending with his guitar, lifted in worship...becoming one.
The teasing from our boys as they learn the love language of their father...just make her laugh, and everything will be o.k.
Me...the sucker for a good laugh. The three of them, all wearing a satisfied grin.
Riding home from the golf course in the truck beside him with the windows down, inhaling the sweetness of summer, with my hair blowing free and Need to Breathe turned up on the radio...
----------------------
Love is in all of those things...in the good, the bad, and the ugly of life. It's in the laughter and the tears, the exciting and the mundane. It holds you beside the grave and laughs with you in the back yard. It stays when the world leaves....when all you want to do is run away...it stays to do hard. Determined, steadfast, true. Giving when you're empty. In the weeping, in the laughing, in the music of it all...love remains.
I am in awe of God's love. Continually in awe, as I watch Him weave this beautiful tapestry through our lives. His abiding love has carried us through laughter and tears, and continues to cover us with mercies...new every morning. I pray you know that kind of love. If you don't, start looking for it...in the everyday. In the hard things, in the little things, in the beauty of the world around you. Ask God to show Himself and His love to you. Ask Him to fill your heart with His love for those around you. That's a prayer He is just waiting to answer.
For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:14-19
------------------------
A Little More on Love Languages...
When I was a young wife and mother, some wise women from the church began to mentor me shortly after I gave my life to Jesus. They taught me about honoring my husband and training my children, and keeping my home. But, one of the most valuable lessons was to learn to be a student of my husband. To learn how to speak his love language. While Tim, in his manly-manness, differs quite a bit in what makes his heart skip a beat from what makes my heart flutter in my girly-girlyness....we have found a common ground in laughing together. Laughter and teasing were love languages spoken in both our homes, growing up...and that is a heritage we have passed on to our children.
Sure, sometimes I wouldn't mind a little sappiness. And, Tim...being a student of his wife's love language has learned that, and occasionally obliges. (I must urgently interject here, though, that it is important to keep your focus OFF the idea that your husband should be a student of you, learning to speak your love language. Instead, keep your focus on learning his. Many times, he will follow suit, but that should never be your goal or focus. Love always yields. Don't worry about what you will get back. Love gives without expectations.) In general, my boys show love by teasing me or getting me to laugh. They probably would never say anything this sappy, but I imagine my laughter is music to them, like their guitar playing is to me. They don't say things like that with words, but with the satisfied grins on their faces once they hear the coveted laugh.
The other simple thing I've learned about loving my boys...and I believe this is almost universal for boys of all ages...is to listen and take interest in their stories. They love to tell their stories, and make us laugh. It is a great compliment to you, if they are willing to share. So, accept that as a gift of love...even if it's a story about how they beat the next level on the Star Wars game or the crazy thing Jimmy did in science class today.
For more about Loving Your Husband in His Language, click here.
Giveaway!
In honor of love and marriage and all the good stuff God gives us in both, I would like to give away two CDs...one to each winner. One is Beauty Will Rise by Stephen Curtis Chapman....because he and Mary Beth have shared a beautiful love story, with God's grace woven throughout. And JJ Heller's When I'm With You, because I love her...and I love that she and her husband make beautiful, God-honoring music together. Plus, there's a song on the CD called, What Love Really Means...which seems quite fitting! To enter, leave a comment on this post telling me which CD you would like. You can also share a snapshot of love in your own life...or share a bit of your own love language if you want. Or not. We like grace here! =)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Condemnation vs Conviction...Lies Study Chapt. 5...Juggling Priorities
I'm posting the Lies Women Believe study a day early, because tomorrow, I will be doing a special Valentine's Day post on love. Before I delve into Chapter Five's study on Lies Women Believe about Priorities, I wanted to address something that has been brought to my attention during some recent discussions with some of my in real life friends taking part in this study.
It's no secret that we love grace here, and I believe that if we look in scripture, we find grace for all of the topics we have been covering in this book. Some parts are tough, I'm not going to lie. (Pun intended! =) It's important as we're reading this book, to guard against some of the attacks that can creep up and distract us from the true point of the lesson. If Satan can't get us by deceiving us one way, he will try another. If you're struggling with some of the opinions shared by the author of the book, I would recommend studying out the scriptures listed at the end of the chapter and ask the Lord to speak to your heart on that issue. Let His word minister to you, rather than the author's thoughts alone. It's a good idea to measure everything we hear against scripture. I believe this book is full of truth and encourages us to think differently about some of the ideas that have been ingrained in us as women. Sometimes it can be really hard to let go of some of those thought processes.
So, if you are struggling with some of these concepts, I want to encourage you. The point is not for you to feel condemned, hopeless, discouraged, or fearful. If you are feeling that way, you are experiencing condemnation....and that is never from God. When God reveals sin in our hearts, He uses conviction. Conviction sometimes has a bit of a sting...but it feels much like that of a loving father chastising us...not an accuser, taking away all our hope and leaving us defeated and hopeless. Conviction is from the Lord. It brings hope that we can find forgiveness for the areas where we are weak...that we can have victory where we have experienced failure. It is loving and for our ultimate good. It's important to discern between the two, and let go of the ideas that are making you feel condemned. It is my hope and prayer that this book will encourage you in your walk with the Lord...not discourage you. I really do feel that it would help for us to share and discuss, whether we have differing opinions on the concepts in the book...either in the comments or the Blog Frog. The study will be much more effective if we are sharing our thoughts and praying specifically for one another. I appreciate those of you who have offered some input.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
Having said that, let's dig into this week's study on Lies Women Believe About Priorities. I believe this is one of the biggest struggles for me as a woman living in today's world. I have shared my battle often, to balance my time with the Lord, caring for the needs of my family, serving at church, serving and leading Sufficient Grace Ministries, and working full time at the elementary school. It's a lot to balance, and sometimes the priorities get out of order. When they do, all the balls I'm juggling come tumbling down around us.
Lie Number 18: I don't have time to do everything I'm supposed to do.
I have a lot to do, and a lot of roles to fulfill. Sometimes this lie/excuse seems valid for me. But, the truth is there is enough time to accomplish what God has planned for this day. Just not necessarily what I've planned for the day.
Another thing I'll admit is that I completely stink at time management. I take on more than I should and always underestimate the amount of time a task is going to take. God...and frankly Tim...are working on me about this. The truth is I could accomplish much more, and do it more effectively if I managed time better and worked to stay organized. My friend Lynette always says it's important not to step over those we love in order to go serve others. We must first take care of our family, before seeking other ministries. I'll admit, I don't always keep these priorities in line. I'm often convicted when I place a ministry need above that of my family. Things always work better when we do them in the proper order.
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
Lie Number 19: I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.
I would never say that I believe this, but the way I live would tell a different tale. I often rush out in my busyness...wielding my to-do list...flying by the seat of my pants. Soon, energy is depleting...things aren't falling into place....and then I realize, I went out in my own power instead of asking God to cover me in His armor. As I'm writing, it seems crazy to try and take one step or even think one thought without seeking Him. And, yet I'm guilty of doing just that.
The truth is...I don't have time NOT to pray and seek wisdom from His Word. I will never be the woman God wants me to be...all that He intends for my life without spending time with Him.
I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 119:147
Lie Number 20: A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and a mother.
Being a wife and mother is a privilege and a blessing. Our families need us to make them the top priority. It takes time, energy, and focus to care for our home and families with love and diligence. I know that parts of this chapter may have been difficult for some mothers, who also juggle a career with family. I am a busy working mother, myself, and understand the dilemma. You will find no judgment, nor condemnation from me on the subject of working outside the home. I will say this. There have been times when my choice to work full time and lead a ministry have left me feeling stretched, out of order with priorities, weary, and not giving my family my best. My house gets messy and disorganized and I grow discouraged at my inability to keep up.
I don't work outside the home for the sake of fulfillment, but to supplement our family income, for necessary reasons that Tim and I have discussed and covered in prayer. I would rather be home, keeping up on things. I'm grateful God has provided me a job that works around my children's schedule so that I haven't had to leave them. When they were young, I was home with them for most of their early years. And, when I was away for two hours a day, working part time, their grandmother watched them. I'm grateful that I can work with students who are a great blessing to me, and teachers whom I admire and respect. I'm grateful for snow days and getting paid when I'm home with a sick child. I'm grateful for substitutes, paid holidays, and a steady pay check.
I want to just say, that I think God is much less concerned about our position than He is the attitude of our hearts. Busyness and outside of home activities can steal our joy and lead us into wrong thinking...but the same can happen from our homes. What matters is keeping our list of priorities: God, family, church/ministry/work. Where is my heart focused? What matters to me? Do I show that in the way I live? Sometimes...but sometimes I need to check myself, because I'm not living it. Where do I look for support and direction? Women were busy in biblical times, as well. This is not some new thing. Distraction and busyness...while an effective tool have come in different forms over the years.
I do think some have fallen for this deception...thinking a career seems more fulfilling. Let's face it, laundry and dishes are far from glamorous. And, training up children can be a grueling, albeit rewarding task. There is much sacrifice and little instant gratification. You pour your heart and soul into caring for your family, and don't always see instant results like you do at work. Sometimes it feels as if no one sees...but God does. He sees the love you pour into your family. And, He will honor your obedience. Whether mothering while balancing work outside the home...or mothering from home full time...your family is your main job and should get your best effort. Keep on keepin' on sister...and remember you are covered in grace. God cares much more about the attitude of your heart than your position...or your perfect performance.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:4
If you're still out there reading, I'd love to hear from you! In the comments or the Blog Frog...
It's no secret that we love grace here, and I believe that if we look in scripture, we find grace for all of the topics we have been covering in this book. Some parts are tough, I'm not going to lie. (Pun intended! =) It's important as we're reading this book, to guard against some of the attacks that can creep up and distract us from the true point of the lesson. If Satan can't get us by deceiving us one way, he will try another. If you're struggling with some of the opinions shared by the author of the book, I would recommend studying out the scriptures listed at the end of the chapter and ask the Lord to speak to your heart on that issue. Let His word minister to you, rather than the author's thoughts alone. It's a good idea to measure everything we hear against scripture. I believe this book is full of truth and encourages us to think differently about some of the ideas that have been ingrained in us as women. Sometimes it can be really hard to let go of some of those thought processes.
So, if you are struggling with some of these concepts, I want to encourage you. The point is not for you to feel condemned, hopeless, discouraged, or fearful. If you are feeling that way, you are experiencing condemnation....and that is never from God. When God reveals sin in our hearts, He uses conviction. Conviction sometimes has a bit of a sting...but it feels much like that of a loving father chastising us...not an accuser, taking away all our hope and leaving us defeated and hopeless. Conviction is from the Lord. It brings hope that we can find forgiveness for the areas where we are weak...that we can have victory where we have experienced failure. It is loving and for our ultimate good. It's important to discern between the two, and let go of the ideas that are making you feel condemned. It is my hope and prayer that this book will encourage you in your walk with the Lord...not discourage you. I really do feel that it would help for us to share and discuss, whether we have differing opinions on the concepts in the book...either in the comments or the Blog Frog. The study will be much more effective if we are sharing our thoughts and praying specifically for one another. I appreciate those of you who have offered some input.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
Having said that, let's dig into this week's study on Lies Women Believe About Priorities. I believe this is one of the biggest struggles for me as a woman living in today's world. I have shared my battle often, to balance my time with the Lord, caring for the needs of my family, serving at church, serving and leading Sufficient Grace Ministries, and working full time at the elementary school. It's a lot to balance, and sometimes the priorities get out of order. When they do, all the balls I'm juggling come tumbling down around us.
Lie Number 18: I don't have time to do everything I'm supposed to do.
I have a lot to do, and a lot of roles to fulfill. Sometimes this lie/excuse seems valid for me. But, the truth is there is enough time to accomplish what God has planned for this day. Just not necessarily what I've planned for the day.
Another thing I'll admit is that I completely stink at time management. I take on more than I should and always underestimate the amount of time a task is going to take. God...and frankly Tim...are working on me about this. The truth is I could accomplish much more, and do it more effectively if I managed time better and worked to stay organized. My friend Lynette always says it's important not to step over those we love in order to go serve others. We must first take care of our family, before seeking other ministries. I'll admit, I don't always keep these priorities in line. I'm often convicted when I place a ministry need above that of my family. Things always work better when we do them in the proper order.
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
Lie Number 19: I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.
I would never say that I believe this, but the way I live would tell a different tale. I often rush out in my busyness...wielding my to-do list...flying by the seat of my pants. Soon, energy is depleting...things aren't falling into place....and then I realize, I went out in my own power instead of asking God to cover me in His armor. As I'm writing, it seems crazy to try and take one step or even think one thought without seeking Him. And, yet I'm guilty of doing just that.
The truth is...I don't have time NOT to pray and seek wisdom from His Word. I will never be the woman God wants me to be...all that He intends for my life without spending time with Him.
I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 119:147
Lie Number 20: A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and a mother.
Being a wife and mother is a privilege and a blessing. Our families need us to make them the top priority. It takes time, energy, and focus to care for our home and families with love and diligence. I know that parts of this chapter may have been difficult for some mothers, who also juggle a career with family. I am a busy working mother, myself, and understand the dilemma. You will find no judgment, nor condemnation from me on the subject of working outside the home. I will say this. There have been times when my choice to work full time and lead a ministry have left me feeling stretched, out of order with priorities, weary, and not giving my family my best. My house gets messy and disorganized and I grow discouraged at my inability to keep up.
I don't work outside the home for the sake of fulfillment, but to supplement our family income, for necessary reasons that Tim and I have discussed and covered in prayer. I would rather be home, keeping up on things. I'm grateful God has provided me a job that works around my children's schedule so that I haven't had to leave them. When they were young, I was home with them for most of their early years. And, when I was away for two hours a day, working part time, their grandmother watched them. I'm grateful that I can work with students who are a great blessing to me, and teachers whom I admire and respect. I'm grateful for snow days and getting paid when I'm home with a sick child. I'm grateful for substitutes, paid holidays, and a steady pay check.
I want to just say, that I think God is much less concerned about our position than He is the attitude of our hearts. Busyness and outside of home activities can steal our joy and lead us into wrong thinking...but the same can happen from our homes. What matters is keeping our list of priorities: God, family, church/ministry/work. Where is my heart focused? What matters to me? Do I show that in the way I live? Sometimes...but sometimes I need to check myself, because I'm not living it. Where do I look for support and direction? Women were busy in biblical times, as well. This is not some new thing. Distraction and busyness...while an effective tool have come in different forms over the years.
I do think some have fallen for this deception...thinking a career seems more fulfilling. Let's face it, laundry and dishes are far from glamorous. And, training up children can be a grueling, albeit rewarding task. There is much sacrifice and little instant gratification. You pour your heart and soul into caring for your family, and don't always see instant results like you do at work. Sometimes it feels as if no one sees...but God does. He sees the love you pour into your family. And, He will honor your obedience. Whether mothering while balancing work outside the home...or mothering from home full time...your family is your main job and should get your best effort. Keep on keepin' on sister...and remember you are covered in grace. God cares much more about the attitude of your heart than your position...or your perfect performance.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:4
If you're still out there reading, I'd love to hear from you! In the comments or the Blog Frog...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Gift of Time and Perinatal Hospice
I wrote a post on the Sufficient Grace blog about the new book by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah Davis called A Gift of Time. There is also a giveaway and more information about perinatal hospice support for families facing a fatal or poor pregnancy diagnosis. Please click here to read about this wonderful book I had the privilege of contributing our family's story to, and read more about the amazing work of perinatal hospice.
A Gift of Time ~ Perinatal Hospice (Giveaway)
Giveaway Closed...Winners Announced
Several years ago, after I was featured as the keynote speaker at the Grand Rounds at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, my maternal fetal medicine specialist, Dr. Marcotte, recommended that I take part in a project led by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah Davis. After reading Amy's book, Waiting With Gabriel, I was intrigued by the book Amy and Deborah were writing. Their mission was to collect stories from families who had chosen to continue a pregnancy after receiving a fatal diagnosis. Their goal was to change the way some may think about continuing these pregnancies. Many in the medical field encourage mothers to terminate these pregnancies, feeling that is the best way to deal with the "situation". Some feel that it is a waste of time, money, and medical resources to continue when the baby's life is expected to be brief. Some, mistakenly feel that it will lessen the burden of the parents' grief if they have less time to bond with the child fated to die.
Families who are given a fatal diagnosis are not often told of the option to continue a pregnancy. They are in the minority, as most people still choose to terminate. Often, doctors do not even use words like terminate, or abortion. Many are either not aware that there is support for these families, or choose not to share this information.
Hearing that your baby is doomed to die is nothing short of devastating. At first, many looking to their doctors and other experts for advice may agree that it would be easier to just end the pregnancy quickly, in a desire to escape what is to come. The truth many have found, however, is that there is no escape. Grief and sorrow for your baby's life that was lost will come regardless of when and how your baby's life ends. But, those who chose to terminate have an added facet of guilt and regret.
As the authors wrote, "Your heart is going to break either way; why not embrace the opportunity to fill your heart first?"
Perinatal hospice offers a different option. The option of life...the philosophy that every life has value, no matter how brief. It isn't about dying. It's about living, and cherishing the gift of time we are given with those we love. A Gift of Time challenges us to look at these pregnancies in a different light. Instead of feeling hopelessness that our baby is doomed to die, they offer hope that we can make the most of the gift of time we are given with this precious life. They offer support for families throughout pregnancy, through delivery, and beyond...for the duration of the baby's life. They offer compassion and comfort. They offer wisdom from those who have walked this path, those who view death as a part of life..a time that is sacred, precious, and should be done with dignity and respect. While perinatal hospice is not an exclusively Christian organization, it is very life-affirming and offers a perspective I wish would have existed when my family walked this path fourteen years ago and again twelve years ago.
So, I filled out the questionnaire they provided, sharing our journey with sweet Thomas...sharing how we agonized over the choice presented to us...how we chose life for our son...how we waiting and prayed, hoped and prepared...and how we were blessed beyond words at the precious gift of time we received with our sweet boy and the grace waiting for us at the end of our journey. I didn't walk this path perfectly. There were moments of doubt, fear, and weakness. But, inevitably, it was God's grace that covered my weakness and an abiding faith in Him that carried us through that time and have led us to this time.
The book finally arrived last week, after years of Amy and Deborah poring over story after story...weaving their own research and wisdom from walking this path throughout the book. I anxiously opened my copy and flipped through at first to find all of the times I was quoted. My words were marked with Kelly G. in the book, so I could pick them out quickly.
For a few moments, I'll admit, I struggled as I always do when I read my words about my children quoted by someone else. They are words from such a sacred tender place in my heart that I often feel quite protective and guarded. I consider my children such a precious gift, meant to honor God, which is the deepest desire of my heart. My Jesus and my children....both sacred to me. I'm often concerned that my words and thoughts are shared perfectly so as not to mislead another. It is difficult to see only pieces of what was said...absent from the rest of the story. Pieces that only answer part of the question. For instance, the parts where I shared my struggles with trusting and making choices that honored God and protected our family without seeing how God carried us through that time right after I shared the parts where I struggled.
So, I need to say here....that yes, we struggled. We didn't always walk perfectly. One father shared that he told his wife on the day of their diagnosis, "we will hold hands, trust God and sing in this storm". I wish we had said something so beautiful to one another. I did trust God...and eventually we both learned to sing in the storm. But, Tim and I felt the darkness of devastation on the day of our diagnosis. I wanted to drown in the rain...run as far as I could from the mocking voice asking me "Where is your God now?" In that moment, I didn't have an answer. But, when I lay awake that night, I wept over my bible, desperate for an answer to that question, clinging to the Lord and singing praise to Him, promising that "Yes, Lord...even in the depths of this sorrow, I will bless you...even now". Sometimes we resisted this path instead of embracing it. There was so much we didn't know...so much that is available now that wasn't available to us. We were on our own, pioneers walking this precarious unknown path without a map.
But, know this....we never for one moment regretted our choice to carry Thomas....to trust the Lord with his life. I looked to the Lord during every moment of weakness and doubt and He sustained me. And, in the end...when we met our sweet Thomas and spent those precious hours with him, it was Jesus Himself who met us there and filled me with joy and peace. It was one of the greatest gifts of my life. And, I wouldn't trade the gifts of Thomas' life or the lives of Faith and Grace for anything. Because of them, we learned about believing without seeing...the beauty that rises from the ashes...the grace that is sufficient to carry us no matter what we face.
After my initial struggle with seeing our story quoted in pieces, I decided to embrace what I said. After all, my words and thoughts were true. There were imperfect moments. Moments covered in grace. I began to read the book from beginning to end, and I was suddenly moved beyond words by the testimony of others who had walked on this sacred ground. Mothers and fathers who put words to the thoughts in my own heart. I am humbled to be among these amazing parents who courageously and beautifully chose life for their children, against doctors' orders, against the advice of those they love, embracing the time they were given. Some had varying circumstances. Some babies' lives were quite brief, some lasted days, months, or even years. Some babies faced other complications and disabilities, and those families continue to embrace the miracle of life as they care for their special needs children each day.
Every one of these families are heroes to me. It is hard to even imagine that I am among them. I imagine that they feel the same way I do. At the time, it didn't seem like some great thing we were doing. I was just being a mom, who loved and desperately wanted to protect and care for her baby and family. I didn't ask for that choice, and when met with it, I felt ill equipped and chose to trust the Lord with the things that were bigger than me. After choosing life for our son, it seemed that the idea of choice was almost ridiculous. Of course, he was our son...how could there be any other choice? The next days, we just tried to survive the journey most of the time...trusting, waiting. Some today have the knowledge to do more...to make precious memories, to prepare for that sweet time after you meet your baby. But, we walked this path before all of that. We loved Thomas and cherished that time the best we could. And, we cherish the tangible memories and photos we were given from that time.
As one mother named Jessica says, "I'm his mother. It's not up to me to number his days. It's up to me to provide the best home I can for as long as he's here."
That's what the mothers in this book and other mothers who walked this path did as well. That's what mothers do.
A Gift of Time is a wonderful resource for parents receiving a fatal or poor diagnosis in pregnancy, those already walking the path and awaiting their baby's arrival, those who have walked this path, and those in the medical field who are caring for these families. It offers a map to guide you through these uncharted waters. It offers the comfort that you are not alone, the encouragement that you can embrace this time you are given with your child, and the hope that there will be blessings and precious gifts on this journey. There is sweetness among the bitterness.
There are heartfelt expressions from families who have actually walked this path scattered throughout this book. They share memory making ideas, heart-wrenching struggles, hope and healing they experienced, and inevitably the truth that they are forever grateful for the time they were given with their children. A Gift of Time is incredibly life affirming, and I'm so grateful that I had the privilege of sharing in this project alongside the other families who shared their experiences. Amy and Deborah did an extraordinary job weaving the stories together...giving a voice to these parents with dignity and honoring the precious lives of our babies. It is my hope and prayer that this book will find its way into the hands of those who need it most, parents and caregivers alike. I am also grateful this beautiful work was put together in a way that caregivers can hopefully form a different opinion after reading the overwhelming evidence that parents benefit from giving their babies every opportunity to live, no matter how briefly...that these lives are precious and valuable and worthy of our time.
The authors end with these words of truth, "You are your baby's parent, always. Death is not powerful enough to erase your bond or the fact that your baby lived."
(As a side note, we have served parents who through medical necessity or due to pressure from doctors, or just considering it their best option made a different choice when faced with a fatal diagnosis. I pray that in no way my words would be used to add to your pain. There is hope and healing for the guilt and regret you may feel. While it is always our position whenever possible to preserve life, there is nothing that Jesus cannot forgive and cover with His grace. You are still a parent, grieving your child. And, we will gladly offer you our love, prayers, and support. And, for those forced to induce early due to the fact that both mother and baby were dying, as in the case of a dear friend of mine, God knows that you were in an impossible position. There really was no choice, and He understands that. His grace and love covers it all.)
Sufficient Grace Ministries would like to give away two copies of this book on this post: One to any parent who is walking or has walked this path and one to a doctor, nurse, or caregiver who works with those who may encounter these decisions. You may also enter if you would like to give the book to someone in either of these categories. Please list in the comment section your intent in using this book to enter the giveaway. You can also order the book at Amazon.com or www.perinatalhospice.org. I would love to hear your thoughts on embracing the gift of time you were given if you are a parent who has walked this path. Please share your heart in the comments. Like the families in this book, your words could be a source of great encouragement to another family facing the loss of their baby.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Hunkering Down for The Blizzard of 2011 ~ And the Recipe for Snow Ice Cream
There are blizzard warnings where I live. Last night the winds swirled and close to six inches of snow fell on top of the several inches that already lay on the ground. Tonight, the real fun begins as the winds will pick up and the snow is predicted to fall with a fury we haven't witnessed in quite some time 'round these parts. A little north of us, there could be 20 inches of snow with some ice mixed in for good measure when all is said and done. We can expect close to 10 inches on top of what we currently have.
This morning, I awoke to this view outside my door...
And, I am thoroughly delighted.
For me, all this snow means Snow Days. No school for my boys...and no work for me. And, it's no secret, this mama loves a good snow day. It is celebrated with such glee and giddyness, I can't even tell you. This snow day, while full of bliss, has been a little different than a typical one.
James and I, of course, sang the "No School Today" song this morning. But, the Tims....they weren't singing. Husband Tim left at 2:00am to do snow removal at a WalMart parking lot a half hour from our house. And, Timothy was called into work by his boss, the owner of the local grocery store early this morning. James and I joked that the Tims were doing their part to ensure that the county can stock up on bread and milk, and hunker down for the Great Blizzard of 2011. No one would go hungry on their watch!
After lounging a bit, we bundled up to conquer the driveway. This may seem like a small task, but you must know a little secret. I haven't shoveled the entire driveway....or mowed the lawn for that matter...in all my almost seventeen years of marriage. I am quite taken care of by my burly manly-man husband and growing sons. Yes....I am not ashamed to admit that I'm one of those women. The kind that used to drive my mother a bit crazy. The kind who are taken care of by men and don't feel the least bit apologetic about it.
That being said, the driveway needed shoveling, and there were no Tims with strong backs and arms to do the job. So James picked up a little shovel to work on the sidewalk, and I grabbed the snow shovel and made my way into the frozen tundra. After all, Caroline Ingalls would surely have made sure that she shoveled a place for Charles to park the wagon if he had been out working in the wee hours of the morning in a snow storm to provide for their family. I could do the same, right? And, any loving wife would.
I wondered how many calories I was burning as I wiped the hair from my face and dug the shovel into the endless piles of snow. I grew weary midway through when I looked at the size of the task, and decided to stop looking and just shovel. I smiled, thinking how there are life lessons...even in shoveling the driveway. Don't look at the size of the task....just keep shoveling...and keep trusting. I thought of how grateful I was for all the years my husband shoveled the driveway with a back already aching from a hard day's work...or in the wee hours of the morning before he left for work. Or for Timothy, who willingly shoveled the driveway so many times so we wouldn't have to. I thought of how proud I am of both my Tims....out working while we were nestled into our warm house, without a care in the world.
And, when I was finished....I may, or may not have sung a line of "I am woman, hear me roar"....with a satisfied grin. ;)
(Pay no attention to the Christmas wreath still adorning our door. I'm not even going to make an excuse. That's just how we roll!)
I think even our sweet lab, Rex, was proud of me! =)
This morning, I awoke to this view outside my door...
And, I am thoroughly delighted.
For me, all this snow means Snow Days. No school for my boys...and no work for me. And, it's no secret, this mama loves a good snow day. It is celebrated with such glee and giddyness, I can't even tell you. This snow day, while full of bliss, has been a little different than a typical one.
James and I, of course, sang the "No School Today" song this morning. But, the Tims....they weren't singing. Husband Tim left at 2:00am to do snow removal at a WalMart parking lot a half hour from our house. And, Timothy was called into work by his boss, the owner of the local grocery store early this morning. James and I joked that the Tims were doing their part to ensure that the county can stock up on bread and milk, and hunker down for the Great Blizzard of 2011. No one would go hungry on their watch!
After lounging a bit, we bundled up to conquer the driveway. This may seem like a small task, but you must know a little secret. I haven't shoveled the entire driveway....or mowed the lawn for that matter...in all my almost seventeen years of marriage. I am quite taken care of by my burly manly-man husband and growing sons. Yes....I am not ashamed to admit that I'm one of those women. The kind that used to drive my mother a bit crazy. The kind who are taken care of by men and don't feel the least bit apologetic about it.
That being said, the driveway needed shoveling, and there were no Tims with strong backs and arms to do the job. So James picked up a little shovel to work on the sidewalk, and I grabbed the snow shovel and made my way into the frozen tundra. After all, Caroline Ingalls would surely have made sure that she shoveled a place for Charles to park the wagon if he had been out working in the wee hours of the morning in a snow storm to provide for their family. I could do the same, right? And, any loving wife would.
So....I shoveled....and shoveled...and shoveled...
I wondered how many calories I was burning as I wiped the hair from my face and dug the shovel into the endless piles of snow. I grew weary midway through when I looked at the size of the task, and decided to stop looking and just shovel. I smiled, thinking how there are life lessons...even in shoveling the driveway. Don't look at the size of the task....just keep shoveling...and keep trusting. I thought of how grateful I was for all the years my husband shoveled the driveway with a back already aching from a hard day's work...or in the wee hours of the morning before he left for work. Or for Timothy, who willingly shoveled the driveway so many times so we wouldn't have to. I thought of how proud I am of both my Tims....out working while we were nestled into our warm house, without a care in the world.
And, when I was finished....I may, or may not have sung a line of "I am woman, hear me roar"....with a satisfied grin. ;)
(Pay no attention to the Christmas wreath still adorning our door. I'm not even going to make an excuse. That's just how we roll!)
I think even our sweet lab, Rex, was proud of me! =)
After a nice little snowball fight with this guy...
We went inside to make snow ice cream! It was so yummy and the boys (our neighbor boy had joined us) were quite
impressed that we could make ice cream from snow.
Snow Ice Cream Recipe
Fresh snow
A little milk
A couple spoonfuls of sugar
1-2tsp. vanilla
Stir to consistency and taste
It's a fun and simple treat to enjoy with your children on a Snow Day!
O.k....time for me to go and cook for my people. Hope you are nestled in safe and warm.
Have a blessed day! =)
P.S. If you would like to attend the Women of Faith Conference with us, please visit the Coming Events page for information. We are ordering tickets this weekend, so we need to collect the orders ASAP. Also, the Helping Hands ladies will be sewing Comfort Bears at Harvest Fellowship again this Saturday if you are able to join us. No sewing experience necessary!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
