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If you are new to our site, this blog is sort of a hodge podge of our ministry and family life, and whatever else God lays on my heart to share. The Home Page above will link you to our Sufficient Grace Ministries page. You can read more about the 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization and the outreaches of this ministry whose mission is to offer comfort and hope to grieving parents. The Blog button brings you to the page you are currently reading, featuring a variety of subjects...some ministry updates, some family news, and some biblically-based encouragement. The Walking With You page is a place for bereaved parents who have lost a baby or child to find encouragement and hope. It is an online support group created so that families would know they are not walking this path alone. On the Dreams of You Shop page, you can learn more about the products and services we offer, place an order, or sponsor a family. The Encouraging Women blog is a work in progress. There, we hope to offer biblically-based encouragement to all women. The Resource page has been newly updated with a list of resources that are helpful for grieving parents. Our blogroll is also located on this page. Thank you so much for visiting our site. Blessings to you...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Baby Love



When my mother was expecting my baby brother, Sean, we prayed each night that God would bless him...along with every other member of our family. Every sultry southern night, we said our child-like prayers in the Florida home where we lived for a short time. I was in about fifth grade and more lonesome for our Ohio home than I ever thought a person could be.

When Sean was finally born, he developed colic several weeks after birth and howled from the depths of his lungs from morning until night. If mom wasn't holding him against her tummy and walking with him, I was. We took turns singing to him, doing our best to soothe his little, aching tummy. It was like that from that day on...one of us always holding sweet baby Sean. And, Sean...howling much of the time.

As he grew a little older and I entered Jr. High, I would push him in the stroller up and down the bumpy Ohio sidewalk...doing my best to keep him happy. I remember his red and white striped bibs and crazy strawberry blond hair that would always stick straight up and out no matter how we attempted to coax it otherwise.

We babied him and mothered him and loved on him something fierce. He was probably one of the most spoiled children in all of the land. And, we didn't even care.

I am ten years older than Sean, and have always felt a mixture of big-sisterly and maternal love toward him. But when our beloved mother, our constant, and the most important person in Sean's world... laid suffering in the last days of her life at the hospice center, my heart ached for him above all others. Those days I felt a bond with my sweet brother, even deeper than before. We walked that path together. I will never forget how he loved her, how he stood by her side, how I watched my baby brother as he was thrust violently into adulthood in the harshest way imaginable. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't keep this harsh reality, this terrible loss from him. He was an adult, of course, and perfectly capable of growing up. But, I wanted to protect my baby brother, to soothe his hurting heart, as I had always done. And, I couldn't. This hurt was one I couldn't take from him.

He has grown into a kind-hearted young man who works hard at his job (with my husband actually), and now, he is a father. My baby brother is a father! While that makes me an aunt (again...because our other brother also has children), I have always felt so motherly toward Sean...and even more so since mom's passing...that I have joked that I "feel" more like a grandma! (I'm not, though...so don't get any ideas about Grandma jokes!!)

I was so excited for the birth of this sweet boy. A baby to hold again, when it has been so long since my arms have held one. My mother loved babies so much. She always said, "A baby is a blessing. No matter how they come to be." And, she is so right. Sometimes the blessing comes unexpectedly and sometimes we are prepared. But, sweet new life...is always a blessing! And, she loved her own baby, my brother, so dearly that she would have been over the moon that he was going to be a dad. Of course, even in our expectation of this new life, we felt the impact of missing her. At the same time, I felt a closeness with her, knowing that she would want me to make it a happy occasion. She would want this child to be celebrated. So, celebrate, we did.

Two weeks ago today, Max Michael was born to Sean and Megan. And, I couldn't wait to get to the hospital. I felt the waves of missing and closeness to mom, mixing in a contradictory blend that somehow made sense as I drove to the hospital. We waited with Sean until they were ready for us to meet Max, and as we walked into the room, I stopped.




(I cropped her name out so because her maiden name is listed on the sign. But, it was there...and is still on that sign today.)

By sheer "coincidence" (I think not!) unbeknownst to them until later, Megan and Max were place in the room on the OB floor that had been dedicated to our sweet mother. They were in mom's room! Even as I longed for mom to share this moment with us...to oooh and ahhhh over Sean's baby with me...to spoil him as rotten as we spoiled my baby brother so many years ago...it was as if she was there, smiling down on us.

I took Max into my waiting arms and felt a love swell in my heart akin to the love I have felt for my own sweet babes. Again, I smiled, knowing how my mother would love him, just as she would love our brother Chris' son, born in the month of her birth. Somehow I could feel the warmth of her love, as if it were filling my own heart and spilling out on to sweet baby Max. If we can see our loved ones from heaven, I have no doubt that she would have been allowed to peek into that moment. If I know my mother, she would have done all the negotiating heaven would allow to be able to see the birth of her grandbaby.

James and Timothy took turns holding him, and grinned like proud cousins.



Sean looked more like a grown-up than ever to me as he held his look-alike son, and at the same time I could still see the two year old with strawberry blond hair looking up at me from his stroller.

James took these pictures of me with Max...





When I looked at them later, I was stunned as the memories swirled into the reality of the circle of life. I had to look twice because with my hair cut short and the expression on my face, I saw my own mother in the pictures of Max and me...when she welcomed my babies years before. I dug up (and scanned) a picture of her holding James nine years ago.



She may not be here physically, but the evidence of her life undeniably lives on in her children and grandchildren.

Now, I'm off to hold Max for awhile! Have a beautiful day!

11 comments:

Spud said...

You made me cry today. I know your Mom is looking down on all of her grandkids and loving them, even Max and Chase. She would be so very, very proud of them.

I can't wait to come up and see Max during the holidays! He looks so sweet.

Kristin said...

*tears* What an absolutely beautiful post, Kelly! That is just amazing to be in the room dedicated to your mom and to see those pics of your Mom and of you and see how much they look alike! You know I can completely relate to those emotions you described, as I had my sweet Lily after my Mom had went to Heaven. I will never forget my Dad and my Mom's best friend showing up at the hospital at the same time, looking at Lily, and just hugging and the emotions of that day.

Max is so cute!! Congratulations!!!

The Writer Chic said...

What a gorgeos post, Kelly. Well done!

Jenilee said...

aw! I love sweet baby posts! yours brings happy tears... what precious moments to remember. congrats to your family!!

Holly said...

Oh how beautiful!! I love that they were placed in your mother's room!! No coincidence at all!! That was God directed for sure!!! Max is so sweet.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Oh! A very heartfelt and moving post! I am new to Jenilee's walk down Memory lane...and I really enjoyed your post. I am 11 yrs older than my brother and 20 yrs older than my sister! And our mom passed away almost 6 years ago, so my heart is with you. I would still love to hear her voice and I know that it was so hard for my younger brother and sister.

Congratulations on your sweet little nephew! What a lovely family he is a part of.
Blessings & Aloha!
(on my post I happen to have a link about the birth of my "baby" brother, since my memory this week is about when we lived in Taiwan, where he was born.

Diana said...

What an absolutely beautiful and loving post! I just know your mom looked down and smiled on your family that day... in that special room. Congratulations and many blessings to everyone! Max is part of a wonderful family! =)

Jennifer Ross said...

So so beautiful Kelly. This story made my eyes fill with tears. The pics of you and your mom are amazing.... she really was there! The room that was dedicated to her too, Wow, how neat is that!?

Your "little" guys look so sweet holding that precious boy.

Thank you for your last comment on my blog. It was filled with such love and compassion. I am blessed to have you as a friend Kelly. Thank you for giving your heart/time to me.

Love,
Jenny

Carey C. Bailey said...

Enjoyed reading your story as well. Couldn't agree more about feeling as much like a mother as you do a sister. Thanks for sharing.
With Joy, Carey

Linda said...

Beautiful post Kelly! I know that God arranged everything!
It just gives me chills...

Congratulations on baby Max!

Love, Linda

Unknown said...

What a beautifully touching post. I love the words of your mother that you shared in this post.

The resemblance in the pictures between you and your mother is unmistakable and awe inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

And congratulations on becoming and aunt again and to your sweet strawberry colored haired baby brother and his wife on becoming parents!

Your mom said it best "A baby is a blessing, no matter how they come to be" a very wise woman I can tell :)

love and prayers
elena