Great Expectations

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage, expectations, and choices. In my last post, I shared a great message from Pastor James about what God wants marriage to look like, what it means to truly love each other, and the gift of submission. If you haven't listened to it, I highly recommend it. It is a little long, and I know time is often limited for many busy wives and moms...but, it's worth a listen if you have time.

Anyway, I've been thinking about marriage and a couple deceptions that many often fall for. The first is expectations. That is where the trouble often begins...when we have expectations for ourselves and our spouse. We think they should be a certain way. We would like a certain reaction...we respond based on our expectations. We expect our loved one to speak the same love language as we do. Tim and I have learned that we get into trouble any time we (namely ME) place unnecessary expectations on one another. For instance, romantic marriage retreats that are scheduled with a program or certain movies about relationships, love stories, etc. often set us up to become frustrated with one another. It is better to focus on what we love about each other, spending time together doing things we enjoy. This may not be the case for everyone, but it's definitely how we roll. The other types of activities lead us right into the "expectation trap".

The other thing that I wish some newly married or "thinking-about-getting-married" couples would know: love is a choice. You will not always feel that lovey-dovey happy feeling. Life gets hard and messy. You have to pay the bills, you get the flu, you have to go to work, you have to discipline the kids, there are bumps in the road and detours, struggles, emotions. You will let each other down, you will not always measure up, you will lose your temper, you will get old, you will snap at each other, you will have bad days. Wives, your husbands may be difficult to respect some days. Respect him anyway. Husbands, your wives may be hard to love some days. Love her anyway. Love is a choice...not a feeling.

And know this...

Some days, you will dance.
Some days, you will laugh.
Some days, joy will fill you beyond description.
Some days, you will not want to be anywhere except in his arms.
Some days, you will be a team.
Some days, you will be the very best you because of your other half.
Some days, you will know His purpose brought you together.

And, one day...if you stick it out through the good and the bad...you will sit together on your back porch with nothing between you but a couple of glasses of lemonade and the memories you've shared. You will know on that day, that it was worth it...every single step of the journey.

Below is a list of suggestions formerly published in The Women's Edge Newsletter in an article written to encourage "frazzled moms". I thought it fit well here, too!
1. So many of our struggles seem from the attitudes we choose. On those extra difficult days we have a choice about our reactions and our attitudes. One of the most powerful "attitude adjusters": is simply GRATEFULNESS. Nothing changes an attitude from negative to positive faster than giving thanks for what we have been given. If you're looking around right now and all you can see is a messy house and screaming children, we can start with that. Begin by giving thanks that you have a house to call home (and to get messy). As for the screaming kids, praise God for their healthy lungs. Obviously, they are breathing well to be able to bellow life that. If your husband has fallen asleep on the couch after a long day at work, be thankful that he's sleeping on your couch (as opposed to someone else's)!

2. EXPECTATIONS... If I had a nickel for all of the problems that stem from that one simple word, I would be one rich Mommy! Expectations lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Too often, we moms put unattainable expectations on everyone around us: our husbands, our children, our friends, and most of all ourselves. What a great gift it would be to our loved ones if we could simply accept and love people (including ourselves) just the way they are. After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us? What if we laid down our expectations, our schedules, and our demands for a little while and just asked God to help us see these precious children and husbands the way that He sees them? What if we could just laugh and enjoy the great gift of family , even when that family is not meeting our expectations? What if even our flaws were endearing to one another? Or, better yet, what if we chose not to see each other's flaws at all? What if whenever we were wronged by another family member , that wrong or sin was covered completely in grace... every debt paid, every sin forgiven, erased and removed as far as the east is from the west?

3. What motivates us to forgive when we've been wronged, to give when there's nothing left to give, to stay when we want to leave, to keep going when we want to quit? What covers a multitude of sins! What never fails, always hopes, trusts, endures, protects, keeps no record of wrongs, is not selfish or easily angered? LOVE. This is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This love is the love that Jesus has for us and it is the love that He can put in us to give, through the power of His Holy Spirit. If we ask, He will equip us to love our families this way. WE must also remember that this love definitely is a choice. Often as mothers we feel overwhelmed and inadequate about the task of training our children and caring for our homes and family. We will never fail when we choose love.

4.We've heard a lot about what a mom is supposed to give, and how God is gracious to equip moms to fulfill their role. One of the ways He equips us is through the ENCOURAGEMENT we can receive and give to one another in our CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIPS. Call a girlfriend to talk, laugh, vent, cry, sort your thoughts-whatever you need. On those "frazzled" days, it can work wonders to seek the love, support and advice of another godly Christian mom. Maybe it can even help to feel like you are not alone. Someone understands and has been there too. It is beautiful thing to be able to share your burdens with one another in Christian love, and even better, we can pray with and for one another. We all know that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

5. Most importantly, we must remember to fill Mommy's gas tank. If we don't stop and take time to meet some of our own needs, soon we will have nothing left to give our families. It's important to schedule some quiet time to do Bible devotions, call a friend, relax, exercise, whatever refuels and refreshes our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies so that we can live to negotiate bedtime, referee a wrestling match, drive carpool,and change a diaper another day!

Take a second look at your demanding family and take a few minutes to set down and cradle your children in your arms. Everything else will wait. They are God's gift to you.

Praying that you will be blessed and encouraged as you keep on keepin' on...

Reminder: The next Walking With You will be this Thursday, November 5th. We will be sharing ways (special moments...ways our lives have changed) that we are thankful for the gift our babies who now live in heaven.