Walking With You/Sufficient Grace Update and a Giveaway Hodge Podge

Walking With You will be this Thursday, December, 3rd (Yes...I did say December, and no...I have not purchased one Christmas present...oh dear!). If you are a mother who has lost a baby or child, please consider participating in this upcoming Walking With You, Special Christmas Edition. We will be sharing the ways that we incorporate the memory of our babies into our Christmas/holiday traditions. Even if you have never participated before, you are welcome to join in at any time. Just write a post on your blog, and come back to link up (on the MckLinky) with us on Thursday's post. If you do not have a blog, but would like to participate, please leave what you wish to share in the comments

And...because it's Christmas, and well...I love you so much...we will be offering a Christmas Giveaway to those who participate and/or comment on the upcoming Walking With You. (You will get additional entries for every comment left on the posts of those who link with us as well!) This giveaway is for Mamas who have lost a baby or child ONLY. You may still comment on Thursday's post if you have not had a loss, but you will not be eligible to win. (We always appreciate your encouragement and prayers, however...so please feel free to share the love, anyway!)

So...what are we giving away?

A copy of Stephen Curtis Chapman's amazing new CD...Beauty Will Rise!!!!! I bought myself a copy (along with one for you) this weekend! It is awesome...and so captures the beauty rising from the ashes of a grieving parent's anguished heart. You will be blessed and comforted by his words. Even if you do not win, I highly recommend it both for yourself, and a gift for a grieving heart. Remember...the contest doesn't begin until this Thursday, December 3rd...so be ready to leave your comments on that post.

What's going on with Sufficient Grace?

We're going to be doing some updating, rearranging, organizing, and catching up soon as this amazing year comes to an end. We are hoping to simplify some things, expand some areas, spread the word about our ministry, and delegate some of the growing responsibilities. Please pray for all of our upcoming plans...that we would be led by the Lord, that He would be our guide, and that we would hear His leading and act in one accord. We are so grateful for all of the ways that He has faithfully provided, and feel led to reach out to more grieving families in more ways.

Our little band (still without a name - and still open to ideas if you'd like to leave one in the comments) will be performing at the upcoming Christmas Praise Night at Harvest Fellowship Church on December 5th at 7:00p.m. We've been spending quite a bit of time practicing and it's really been a blessing. Please pray for the Lord's leading with our desire to worship and serve Him through music.

I was asked to be a guest writer for the December/January Holiday Issue of Mom's Moments Newsletter. The topic was: comforting a grieving mother. To view a copy, click here and click the download button under the first newsletter choice. The newsletter will then come up in Acrobat Reader Format. There is also some information on a book Anna has been working on to support grieving parents. You can read more information on Anna's project on the Mom's Moments site. Thank you to the ladies of Mom's Moments for including me in this issue, and for all you do to encourage mothers, women, and families.

Since this post is such a hodge podge, and because I love it, I will leave you with this picture that has absolutely NO relevance to everything I just shared with you.



Every house should be guarded by a clone trooper, don't you think...may the force be with you!

Becoming One And...Being Full

A long time ago when our marriage was still new, I wrote an article about "Becoming One". Someday when I have a little more time, I will dig it out and reprint it, because I'm sure it was written with more thought and effort than I have to give tonight. But, for now, I'd like to do a little reflecting on the idea of two people becoming one in marriage. The original article conveyed the message that it takes time for two people from different families, backgrounds, values/belief systems, etc. to become one. It is not something that happens the moment two people say "I do". Rather, it is a process that is so amazing and beautiful, it is almost like magic. Only, it isn't magic at all. It is a work of the Holy Spirit...a beautiful evidence of the hand of God. It really is one of my favorite things to watch...the shaping and molding of two people into one. God is able to teach us (if we are teachable) so many things through marriage...He is willing to gift us with unspeakable joys and grow us in ways we never could grow on our own. I will share more on this later...but for now, let me just share a little story with you that goes along with the idea of becoming one, quite nicely, in my humble opinion.

When Tim and I were married less than a year, I opened the door to my refrigerator one morning and what to my wondering eyes did appear...but a headless, skinless squirrel soaking, uncovered in a bowl of salt water. In my refrigerator. Along with the food. That I eat. And, I am a town girl in every sense of the word. In my house, squirrels were rodents, NOT dinner! Well, needless to say, the screams could be heard for miles! I just stood there, screaming...wondering what was the matter with this person I married! Oh my word...

Fast forward fifteen and a half years...to Thanksgiving Eve, 2009



My kitchen was turned into a butcher shop, and I spent Thanksgiving Eve 2009 with my hands in a tub of freshly ground venison, helping Tim package the meat that he literally provided for our family with his own hands. The bountiful reward from a successful hunt. I wasn't screaming. In fact, I was happily working alongside him to get the job done, grateful that he was willing to provide for our family so faithfully and a little proud of him.(I'm almost like Pioneer Woman- O.K., maybe not!) It feels good to be working together with one heart and one mind, as God intended...not that we always do, but we certainly have come a long way from those early years.

And when I think of all the places we have walked together...and all the shaping and molding, breaking and rebuilding that God has done to get us here, my heart is full of thanks...

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Thanksgiving is all about focusing on our "fullness". And, I don't just mean the fullness of our bellies (which definitely applies at the Gerken household!). It's about being full...about recognizing all the ways we are filled by the faithfulness of our loving God. It is about looking back and remembering what He has done for us...and it is about looking around at all we have been given right now. It is about being thankful...for all the ways He provides, for the storms He carries us through, for the memories filling our minds, and the love held in our hearts, for the laughter and joy, for the tears He keeps in a bottle, and for the future He promises will be filled with hope and good plans for us.

What abundance we enjoy...a bounty of blessings...

I am thankful for...

our little house...

the rowdy boy sounds that fill aforementioned little house...

the tired, dirty-from-a-hard-day's-work man that will soon walk in the back door after wrestling the stinky dogs that live in the garage and faithfully guard our little house...

the dreams we dream for those who dance in heaven, the dreams that fill this little house...

the God who is served by those who live, love, and dream in this little house.

Free

I think I may have already written about this in a previous post, so I'm sorry if the following post is just the same old lament you've heard before. I know I am getting some readers who know me in real life, now. Some of this may not be a surprise to those of you who know me well, and some of it you may wish I would just keep to myself. But, I'm here anyway...about to do a little keepin' it real soul-baring. Words are kind of my way of sorting through my thoughts. So, here goes.

Do you ever feel like something is holding you back? Do you ever feel as if you should be more free, but instead you are entangled? Do you ever feel as if you are just on the cusp of being the person God intended you to be...but you are not quite there...as if what He has for you is just out of your reach?

Sometimes I feel this way.

Have you ever had an amazing time of breakthrough prayer or a time of earnest worship that just broke through all the barriers and for a moment, you knew that He had reached you? For a moment, it seemed possible to be that free person...that complete person. For a moment, it didn't even matter who you were or how free or entangled you were. Nothing mattered, other than the fact that you were His girl. Have you felt Him break through and lift your weary head? Have you felt as if you never wanted to leave that place of perfect peace where everything was as it should be, and He was rightfully on the throne as you knelt to worship Him?

Then, have you walked away and felt the world come crashing in to steal the peaceful assurance?

Sometimes, I have.

Recently I have been asked this question more than once...How in the world do you do it all...work, ministry, family?(If you know me in real life, you are laughing right now! Because you know that I am a mess!)To the outside world, I like to appear polished, like I have it together. (God usually has other plans, and the truth often seeps out! Ahhh...humility.)

So, how do I do it all?

I don't...

My house is a mess. My laundry is piled up...both the dirty waiting to be washed and the clean waiting to be folded. I talk too much. Many times, I say the wrong thing and regret it later. I laugh often and loudly! I live in a town where almost everyone knows every foolish sin from my youth...and God has given me a ministry...here. Yesterday, I fed my family frozen pizza again, because I became enveloped in reading the Pioneer Woman's love story of how she fell in love with her Marlboro Man(I was also thoroughly blessed by her tales of how she channels Lucille Ball, because as you know I have referred to myself as Lucy many times!). I do not have time to read without a purpose, often...but yesterday, I did it anyway, shirking my long list of responsibilities.(That last one really is a rare thing...usually I am just shirking one list of responsibilities so that I can meet the needs on another list...but reading Pioneer Woman wasn't on any list. And, I did it anyway.) I missed my morning devotions today, even though we had a two hour delay. I have raised my voice at my children. Sometimes regrets keep me up at night, even as I prayerfully try to give them to the Lord. It's hard to release a grip when you're holding on so tightly. I am ridiculously forgetful, completely disorganized, habitually late, a horrible manager of time, flying by the seat of my pants (thought I'd better add that if you are a current or future employer, I do seem to be able to get the job done, and do it well, despite these weaknesses! At work, I'm actually organized...go figure!). Last week, at the prayer gathering, we had to go back home five minutes after leaving because I had two different shoes on, and when we left the prayer gathering I left my coat. I didn't realize that I had left my coat hanging in a church 40 minutes away, until several days later when I finally gave up the search and a vague recollection of thinking "don't forget your coat" as I hung it crossed my feeble mind. I often feel like I leave pieces of myself scattered everywhere...scattered...that really is a good word to describe how I feel. I have yet to lose the twenty pounds I mentioned awhile back, due to my extreme love of good food. I have been blessed with the most forgiving husband known to(wo)mankind. Not only does he overlook my "mess", he miraculously loves me and finds me a little endearing (at least that's what I like to think.). I could go on and on...

(You can probably guess why I love grace so much! Some of us need more than others...sigh.)

Here is why none of what I just wrote matters...none of that defines me. Not only am I not defined by all of the ways I fall short, but I am also not defined by the things I do well. Those things are harder to list, but they are the things that at face value, you may see...the few times when I get it right. The moments when some inspiration seeps through my mess (via the Holy Spirit) and I say the right thing, hit the right note, or appear for just a moment to have it all together.

None of it defines me...not the victories or the failures. Because, if we are truly walking freely as the new creations we are, all of it...the good, the bad, and most certainly the ugly...all of it should be hidden, covered by Jesus. I'm not complete, yet...He is still working on me. But, that is the goal...less of me, more of Him. I want to get lost in His grace, and allow Him to free me completely from all things that really don't define me at all. Maybe it's like forgiving, hoping, and believing when you don't really feel like forgiving, when you really feel hopeless, when you are struggling to believe what you don't see. You just keep claiming the truth, relying on the Lord, and exercising forgiveness, hope, and belief until your feelings catch up...or even if they never do. Because, really...it isn't about who we are, or how we feel. It's about who He is. We cannot do those things on our own...but our Jesus can. And unlike those of us with the propensity to begin a task and never finish, He completes the good work that He begins in us. He perfects and establishes us.

So...whether I fully feel it or not...and even if I never fully do this side of heaven, except for those glimpses in rare moments when He breaks through my mess...I will simply say...

I am His...and I am free.

Dancing and Giggling...

My mother loved Christmas. Every year, no matter the circumstances of our family (and believe me, sometimes there were some difficult circumstances), she always made Christmas special! In the days leading up to Christmas, we enjoyed many shopping trips to purchase ornaments and look at all the decorations. She loved decorating...some years the house looked like Vegas inside and out with all the lights!

I remember the year I was on bed rest while pregnant for Faith and Grace, she wheeled me around in a wheelchair so that we could have a little Christmas shopping fun. And, after they were born, we shopped for the perfect ornaments to hang in remembrance of them. But, that's another story.

The year we were into everything mauve, burgundy, and Victorian, Hills had a bunch of ornaments on sale. And she bought me a cart full! After an especially rough year, she bought me a new pre-lit Christmas tree. We had the best time!

Since she has been celebrating her Christmases with Jesus the past three years, I have missed her greatly. The missing that often visits washes over me every year the first time I walk into the Christmas aisle. And, yet...her love for that very thing compels me to go there so that I can remember and feel her closeness. My boys hear me say, "Grandma loved this...she loved Christmas." They say, "Mom, you always say that." I smile and ache all at the same time. Then, I remember her gift for finding the joy in everything...her uncanny ability to not just make lemonade from lemons, but to enjoy the lemonade with the glee of a little girl.

Tonight, James and I had the best time eating dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. James appreciates a nice restaurant with some good bread dipped in oil and Parmesan, excellent Italian cuisine, and ambiance...ahhh, he is so a boy after his mother's heart! I love my food, you know! Of course, it was the icing on the cake that Biaggi's puts paper covering over their lovely white, linen table cloths so that children can draw on them.

After dinner, we went to WalMart to get some essentials, and there it was...the Christmas aisle. I took a deep breath as the missing washed over me, and I looked down at James. "Come on mom, let's go look." His eyes lit up with excitement as he appreciated each ornament with the fullness of joy that comes from the heart of the young and from the rare soul like my mom who manages to hold on to that ability long into adulthood. She gave me that gift, by the way. I smiled, and said, "Grandma would love this...she loved Christmas." James started filling the cart with a few little ornaments...he was exuberant when I allowed him to choose a few.

Then, we spotted the animated, musical stuffed animals. James and I started pressing the buttons to see what each one would do. We danced and giggled in the middle of the WalMart aisle, as I remembered all the other times I have freely giggled with my mom and friends over the years. But never before, have I had such a great time giggling deep belly giggles with anyone as I did tonight with this sweet gift of a boy that God gave me.

I just love him...

Thank you, God for deep belly giggles, one of my favorite sounds...especially the kind that happen right in the middle of the missing, reminding me that she will always be part of us. She would've loved giggling deep belly giggles and dancing in the aisles of WalMart. And, because she did...we still do.

While We Were Out...

Most Saturday mornings, I can be found sipping some tea and visiting blog friends...praying and working on Sufficient Grace Ministries shipments, emails, correspondence, etc. This morning, I arose early to attend the Arise! Cry Out! Moms in Touch International Event with my in real-life friend, Lynette (a mighty little prayer warrior and one of my dearest friends). I have prayed, with Lynette and my other Moms in Touch friends since my Sophomore was in Kindergarten. I have seen the Lord work in mighty ways as I've prayed alongside these mothers over the years... in weeping and rejoicing.

Lynette and I are pictured below after four hours of tearful, intense prayer.



We joined our prayers with mothers praying from 9:00am to 1:00pm in various time zones around the world, covering the earth in 24 hours of uninterrupted prayer. Mountains moved as mothers cried out to the Lord on behalf of their children. It was beyond-words beautiful...and a humbling privilege to be part of the miracle. We left exhausted, cleansed, renewed, and encouraged. It was truly a divine appointment...the Holy Spirit's presence was evident through each moment of those four glorious hours of focused intentional prayer. And, I am so grateful that we shared this day together.

But, while we were out...

MckMama blessed our socks off...AGAIN!!!!!!!! I had no idea that Sufficient Grace was once again receiving a blessing from MckMama and family as she included us in the three charities supported by the MckFamily. Readers commented on the post where she pledged to include a generous donation to each (giving $1 for each comment posted to the 3 organizations - Sufficient Grace, String of Pearls, and The Liz Logelin Foundation). In addition to her generous donation, she encouraged her readers to make their own donations, and they have been flooding in! This was a complete surprise, and an amazing blessing from our amazing God and this amazing MckFamily!!!

Most of you know that we are rejoicing over the miracle of sweet Stellan's healing from SVT. MckMama's post regarding the miracle that we all share as our own, was so beautiful. I especially love that she acknowledged not only the miracle of God's healing on earth...but also the miracle when He heals by taking his child to heaven. Both are miraculous...both are great gifts. Thank you, MckMama for your generous, amazing, beautiful heart. I love you, dearly...and we are blessed beyond words.

In addition to all of the obvious ways that God has blessed us on this beautiful November day, can I just share one more thing? Often, I feel pulled in various directions as a mom, wife, ministry leader, etc. Today, in more ways that I can convey with words, God spoke to my weary heart during those four hours of prayer. There are so many things on my heart to do. I am busy and rushed...sometimes trying to operate on my own power, instead of leaning on the Lord. He reminds me and draws me back. Today, as I prayed for my children, I thought for a moment how I long to do even more in the ministry. But, still working full-time, I am juggling both, for now...along with our family needs.

When I came home, and found out that Sufficient Grace was being blessed today, I felt the Lord whisper to my heart..."I've got this, my daughter...I've got you, and I will take care of you and all that concerns you today."

I can't be everywhere...doing everything on my heart all at once. In fact, I wasn't here for any of the hoopla...had no idea it was happening. I can't be everywhere, and I don't have to be...because my God CAN and He is faithful. I was exactly where I needed to be today...praying for my kids. But, while I was out...our capable, mighty, amazing God was taking care of the ministry. Abundantly blessing it, even...through the willing hearts of His people.

Thank you MckMama...and everyone who gave today...and to those who continue to support Sufficient Grace Ministries and the families we serve.

Our cup runneth over...

Beauty in the Fall

Because there IS beauty in the fall...

Because their names are written into the story of our lives...

Because we see their names in every reflection of beauty on this earth...

Because their names are etched in our hearts forever...

Because their names were written in the Book of Life...

Thank you, Holly, my beautiful friend...one whose compassion and beauty shines through both in the falling and the dancing...thank you for writing their names...

Falling and Dancing...

I meant to write a post on the week of October 20th because that day marks three years since mom went home to heaven. I planned to tell you of the beauty of the drive we travelled along the river, to stay with her in the hospice center, as the trees exploded during the last couple weeks of her life with a rainbow of colors. I even thought of taking that familiar path and photographing the beauty so that I could share it with you. But, I didn't take the drive. Instead I'm sharing some flowers that my friend, Tracy sent to me in memory of mom...flowers with all the colors of fall...just like the ones in God's painting the day He took her home.

It is an amazing annual display...better than any painting created by man's hand. God's artwork, His glory displayed in full splendor. It was a symphony of color for the eyes as she left this earth. Each year, since she has gone, I notice it more profoundly...the last hurrah before the stark contrast of winter. During that week in October, an explosion of color...and just a few short weeks later...almost all the leaves have fallen.

Of course, the demands of life kept me from posting...and truth be told, there are several other things I should be doing right now instead of writing what is on my heart. But, even delaying this post, it has been on my mind. And, I know how this works...it won't leave my mind,until I have written it. So, here I am in all my frazzled, tired, overstretched, imperfect glory.

I have been thinking of how I was really just learning to dance, learning to celebrate the joy of being a new creation, just finding out the freedom that lies in complete surrender to the Lord. Three years ago, I felt so blessed that my cup runneth over. God had restored my joy after saying good-bye to our babies, restored my family, blessed us with a love that comes as beauty is made from ashes, blessed us with a ministry. He had blessed my relationship with my mother and restored all of our brokenness. My heart was healed in many ways. And, I was learning to dance.

Then, she left in the midst of the symphony of autumn beauty...and I drove home along the river road that night, exhausted, numb, grateful that her suffering was finally over, grateful for the promise of heaven, and having no idea the ache that lie ahead for my heart. I had no idea how hard it would be to keep on dancing without her.

The leaves started to fall the next week. I thought of the bitter irony...how the leaves are allowed to be at their most spectacular just before they fall silently to the ground in an anticlimactic end. Then, I thought that I could relate to the leaves. I had just begun to dance again, really for the first time, in many ways. And, then I started to fall.

The ache I feel for her washes over me anew with each passing season. The missing is with me daily. Even moments of precious joy are clouded with her absence. That doesn't mean that I don't feel joy...or that I don't trust in the Lord and His promises. I do. But, for the past three years, I have been doing more falling than dancing.

Don't get me wrong, there is beauty even in the falling...for when we fall, we are caught in the arms of a loving Savior. We are comforted in our sorrow by a compassionate Father. We are carried by the hands of a mighty God. I read these words from the heart of a grieving mother (Once a Mother) recently, and they struck a cord in my heart. I encourage you to read her incredible description of the falling. She ends her beautiful poem with these words: The beauty of life, too, can be found, in those moments that are out of our control. In those moments we fear most. In the falling.

I remember the times that I have found beauty in surrender...falling on faith as I stood on the edge of a cliff, surrounded by fog, taking the next step to where I could not see if He would catch me or not. There is beauty...great beauty in falling into His waiting arms. It is a place I have walked. And He has never failed to catch me. And, there is a time for falling.

Still...I haven't been dancing much...not like I was before she left. My blog-friend, Lynnette is a wonderful dancer. And, her way of dancing through life is a way that I share in my heart. It is a way I have known well...a way of living that I believe God has for us. Yet...lately, I haven't been acting on it.

My mother was just learning to dance when He took her home. I had been dancing for a little while when she left. Her dance was perfected in heaven's glory...and she dances still. As for me...I don't think it was in the plan for me to stop dancing. I'm not saying I have stopped, but...there's been sort of a limp in my step. I know some of that is just the missing of someone so dear to me, and I'm not trying to mask the missing.

It's just that I think it might be time to start dancing again. If she can see me from heaven, she and my sweet babes...I think they would agree that it's time to dance again. And, I bet my Father in heaven...the One who created me for dancing would take great pleasure in seeing me dance.

So, I am praying and venturing in with tender steps...hoping to learn a new dance...and knowing that even as I type these words, God has a plan to teach me the most beautiful steps yet...

Walking With You ~ Thankful...

Updated to add The Secret Garden ~ October

I am cheating a little adding this update to my Walking With You post. But, the truth is: thirteen years after saying good-bye to my Faith and Grace, and eleven years since sweet Thomas went home, what I am feeling most is thankful. Continue reading below for further explanation...

Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. Walking With You is a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child who gather together each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength.

Thank you to everyone who joined us last month for October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you haven't listed your baby's name, and would like to, please add your family's information to the comments on this post. I would like to keep this as an ongoing list to refer to and also to pray for each family frequently. All of our babies are precious and should be remembered.

This month we are focusing on our gratefulness for the gifts we were given and the ways our lives were changed by the lives of our babies. I know that many people are busy, so this can be as simple or in-depth as you wish. I hope you will link your own post with us, sharing ways that you are thankful. I do think that reflecting on gratefulness is very valuable...especially in the throes of grief. Grief is big and consuming. The simplicity of counting our blessings refocuses a grieving heart from the giants of pain, sorrow, and hopelessness to the hope, comfort, peace, and eventually joy that waits for us on the other side of the valley. The comfort that waits for us in the arms of our Savior.

For the Lord will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.
~Isaiah 51:3

I am thankful...that I have been comforted by the Lord.

I am thankful...that His grace is sufficient.

I am thankful...that my wilderness has become like Eden, my desert like the garden of the Lord.

I am thankful...that joy has been restored, that morning has come.

I am thankful...for every moment I watched Faith and Grace and Thomas on the ultrasound screen.

I am thankful...for every hiccup, every movement, every kick, every stretching pain, (not-so-much the nausea and vomiting:).

I am thankful...for every dream that we shared together for your lives.

I am thankful...for every conversation that held your names...and for all the times your names have yet to be spoken or written.

I am thankful...that I was chosen to be your mother...for the blessing and privilege of that amazing gift.

I am thankful...that all of my children, in heaven and earth, have their daddy's dark eyes and cute nose.

I am thankful...for prayers prayed over you, songs sung to you, tears wept for you, and the love that spills from the hearts that loved you...and continue to love you.

I am thankful...that Thomas opened his eyes to look up at me and a picture captured that moment of bliss.

I am thankful...that my babies lived on Earth...and that they live in heaven.

I am thankful...Faith, Grace, and Thomas...that I carried you in my womb, held you in my arms, and forever hold you in my heart.

I am thankful...for the promise that I will hold my sweet babies once more in heaven's glory and we will never say good-bye again.

I am thankful...that because our babies lived, many families are comforted in the midst of their sorrow.

I am thankful...that our mourning has been turned into dancing...that our love has sustained the storms of grief...that our God is able to carry us through this life and keep us together as we walk with Him.

I am thankful...that God has blessed me with the boys who remain here with us, filling our house with boisterous noise and the husband who continues to make me laugh, and fills my heart with songs of joy.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
~Psalm 30:11-12

Birthday Girls

Thirteen years ago today, on the first snowfall of the year, two precious souls made their brief appearance on this earth. Two little girls, my only daughters, filled my arms for but a moment on that snowy November afternoon. Sometimes I think about what it might be like if they were here. I would have three teenagers filling our little house. Oh my! There would be a plethora of accessories the likes of which I have never known as the mama of boys. We would definitely not survive with only one bathroom as we do now!

There would be dances and dresses, giggling and soul-searching heart-to-hearts. As the mother of teenagers, I know it wouldn't always be smooth-sailing, and we would have so much to pray for protection from in this world of ours. But, on certain days, I notice what's missing in this land of boy world in which I live, this land that I dearly love.

I may look like a boy mama through and through. I may not know how to do little-girl hair. I may shout at football games and know whether a player sliding into home is safe or out during the baseball game. I may even express strong opinions about it if my son is playing. I may know how to get grass stains out of a white uniform way better than I could fasten a hair pretty or dress a Barbie. My purse may be filled with golf balls, tees, hot wheels cars and transformers. You may not see any evidence when you look at me, but I am still the mother of daughters. They just weren't here long enough for me to learn how to do all of those girly things.

But...

They are waiting for me. And, we will have all of eternity for hair pretties and tea parties...soul-searching heart-to-hearts and deep belly giggles. We will do it all in a place where daddy will not have to worry about protecting his baby girls from harm, and I won't have to stay awake at night praying that they will always walk with the Lord. They have walked with the Lord from the first moment of their lives. The have literally walked with Him on streets of gold. They walk with Him, even now...as I wait and dream my dreams of their long, brown wavy hair filled with pink ribbons. (I'm sure ribbons stay perfectly in heaven, and perhaps I will even have the expertise to fasten them just right...or maybe someone with the gift of "hair pretties" can help us out! Even better, hopefully we will have no need of hair pretties in heaven! =)

I recorded a little song (not sure the title or author of this song...just one that I've heard for years, and speaks of the longing for heaven - the longing to sit before His throne). I wanted to share it on Faith's and Grace's birthday, but the sound quality is, of course, below par (since it's just on my little digital camera). Someday, we will get the recording studio built and I will be able to share better quality recordings, but for now...this was on my heart. It isn't meant to show any singing expertise (obviously)...just a mama singing to her baby girls and a daughter singing to her Father.



I miss you, sweet girls. I love you and wish you a happy, happy heavenly birthday.

Great Expectations

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage, expectations, and choices. In my last post, I shared a great message from Pastor James about what God wants marriage to look like, what it means to truly love each other, and the gift of submission. If you haven't listened to it, I highly recommend it. It is a little long, and I know time is often limited for many busy wives and moms...but, it's worth a listen if you have time.

Anyway, I've been thinking about marriage and a couple deceptions that many often fall for. The first is expectations. That is where the trouble often begins...when we have expectations for ourselves and our spouse. We think they should be a certain way. We would like a certain reaction...we respond based on our expectations. We expect our loved one to speak the same love language as we do. Tim and I have learned that we get into trouble any time we (namely ME) place unnecessary expectations on one another. For instance, romantic marriage retreats that are scheduled with a program or certain movies about relationships, love stories, etc. often set us up to become frustrated with one another. It is better to focus on what we love about each other, spending time together doing things we enjoy. This may not be the case for everyone, but it's definitely how we roll. The other types of activities lead us right into the "expectation trap".

The other thing that I wish some newly married or "thinking-about-getting-married" couples would know: love is a choice. You will not always feel that lovey-dovey happy feeling. Life gets hard and messy. You have to pay the bills, you get the flu, you have to go to work, you have to discipline the kids, there are bumps in the road and detours, struggles, emotions. You will let each other down, you will not always measure up, you will lose your temper, you will get old, you will snap at each other, you will have bad days. Wives, your husbands may be difficult to respect some days. Respect him anyway. Husbands, your wives may be hard to love some days. Love her anyway. Love is a choice...not a feeling.

And know this...

Some days, you will dance.
Some days, you will laugh.
Some days, joy will fill you beyond description.
Some days, you will not want to be anywhere except in his arms.
Some days, you will be a team.
Some days, you will be the very best you because of your other half.
Some days, you will know His purpose brought you together.

And, one day...if you stick it out through the good and the bad...you will sit together on your back porch with nothing between you but a couple of glasses of lemonade and the memories you've shared. You will know on that day, that it was worth it...every single step of the journey.

Below is a list of suggestions formerly published in The Women's Edge Newsletter in an article written to encourage "frazzled moms". I thought it fit well here, too!
1. So many of our struggles seem from the attitudes we choose. On those extra difficult days we have a choice about our reactions and our attitudes. One of the most powerful "attitude adjusters": is simply GRATEFULNESS. Nothing changes an attitude from negative to positive faster than giving thanks for what we have been given. If you're looking around right now and all you can see is a messy house and screaming children, we can start with that. Begin by giving thanks that you have a house to call home (and to get messy). As for the screaming kids, praise God for their healthy lungs. Obviously, they are breathing well to be able to bellow life that. If your husband has fallen asleep on the couch after a long day at work, be thankful that he's sleeping on your couch (as opposed to someone else's)!

2. EXPECTATIONS... If I had a nickel for all of the problems that stem from that one simple word, I would be one rich Mommy! Expectations lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Too often, we moms put unattainable expectations on everyone around us: our husbands, our children, our friends, and most of all ourselves. What a great gift it would be to our loved ones if we could simply accept and love people (including ourselves) just the way they are. After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us? What if we laid down our expectations, our schedules, and our demands for a little while and just asked God to help us see these precious children and husbands the way that He sees them? What if we could just laugh and enjoy the great gift of family , even when that family is not meeting our expectations? What if even our flaws were endearing to one another? Or, better yet, what if we chose not to see each other's flaws at all? What if whenever we were wronged by another family member , that wrong or sin was covered completely in grace... every debt paid, every sin forgiven, erased and removed as far as the east is from the west?

3. What motivates us to forgive when we've been wronged, to give when there's nothing left to give, to stay when we want to leave, to keep going when we want to quit? What covers a multitude of sins! What never fails, always hopes, trusts, endures, protects, keeps no record of wrongs, is not selfish or easily angered? LOVE. This is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This love is the love that Jesus has for us and it is the love that He can put in us to give, through the power of His Holy Spirit. If we ask, He will equip us to love our families this way. WE must also remember that this love definitely is a choice. Often as mothers we feel overwhelmed and inadequate about the task of training our children and caring for our homes and family. We will never fail when we choose love.

4.We've heard a lot about what a mom is supposed to give, and how God is gracious to equip moms to fulfill their role. One of the ways He equips us is through the ENCOURAGEMENT we can receive and give to one another in our CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIPS. Call a girlfriend to talk, laugh, vent, cry, sort your thoughts-whatever you need. On those "frazzled" days, it can work wonders to seek the love, support and advice of another godly Christian mom. Maybe it can even help to feel like you are not alone. Someone understands and has been there too. It is beautiful thing to be able to share your burdens with one another in Christian love, and even better, we can pray with and for one another. We all know that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

5. Most importantly, we must remember to fill Mommy's gas tank. If we don't stop and take time to meet some of our own needs, soon we will have nothing left to give our families. It's important to schedule some quiet time to do Bible devotions, call a friend, relax, exercise, whatever refuels and refreshes our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies so that we can live to negotiate bedtime, referee a wrestling match, drive carpool,and change a diaper another day!

Take a second look at your demanding family and take a few minutes to set down and cradle your children in your arms. Everything else will wait. They are God's gift to you.

Praying that you will be blessed and encouraged as you keep on keepin' on...

Reminder: The next Walking With You will be this Thursday, November 5th. We will be sharing ways (special moments...ways our lives have changed) that we are thankful for the gift our babies who now live in heaven.