Just Being a Mom...

Sometimes I feel like I am wearing too many hats. There is the wife hat, the mom hat, the employee hat, the ministry hat, the friend hat. And, more, of course. Nicole Johnson performed a funny skit that showed all the hats a woman wears at Women of Faith...and she literally stacked each one on her head. It was quite a visual!

Sometimes I find myself longing for less hats. Lately, as Timothy approaches the end of his junior year of high school, and James finishes elementary school, I feel a longing to return to a time when I was only their momma (and Tim's wife, of course!) The slipping away of the minutes, hours, and years that brings us to today leaves me yearning to focus my heart toward home...toward these boys who are quickly becoming young men. Oh...how fleeting this time is.

When I am quiet...at the feet of Jesus, in the still of the night or the wee hours of the early morning....there are no hats. I am simply His...lost in Him. Peace washes over me and burdens are lifted. It is the place I long to be, even as the Martha in me drives me on to the next thing.

I had a prayer time like that last Saturday morning, and it was a sweet release of all that I carry. The day was no less busy, but the burden was lighter and each task less cumbersome. He was with me, bearing the weight. And, I felt joy instead of heaviness. I prepared the SGM shipments for the week, washed James' golf clothes and packed snacks and drinks for the day. The baseball game was canceled, so I went to the church to get Comfort Bears for the rest of the shipments going off to comfort grieving mothers.

I was thinking of all that needed to be done...of the size of the tasks...the endless needs that I never seem to fill. I was thinking how much I want to focus on being the mother my kids need. Life was simpler when that was my only focus. There was peace in my heart as I walked through the to-do list, but the thoughts were floating through my mind. What am I called to do, Lord, with all this busy? I walked through the church to the kitchen, picked up the bag of bears, turned off the lights, locked the doors.

When I opened the back of the Jeep, I stopped, struck by the sight. There were golf clubs and bat bags filled with tools boys need to be boys...ready for the activities of the day. And, on top, I gently placed the bag of Comfort Bears.

There they were, all together, in the back of my Jeep.

Bat bags...

Golf clubs...

And Comfort Bears...

Evidence that I am a mother. A mother to Timothy (almost senior in high school), James (almost middle schooler), and Faith, Grace, and Thomas (dancing in heaven). As I looked at the evidence filling the vehicle, my heart swelled.

And God whispered to my heart...

"You are just being their mother. You are just being a mom....to all your children."

SGM Trip to Women of Faith, Hugging Blogger Friends., a giveaway...and ANGIE SMITH!!!

I have so much to share...so many pictures, so many words, so many amazing things on my heart. Much of what God spoke to my heart this weekend will have to come in other posts...it's just too much for one!


This weekend, the ladies of Sufficient Grace, along with some in real life friends and blogger friends (16 total) traveled to  the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio to hear this brave, beautiful woman share her testimony of how God carried her as she carried her Audrey Caroline....

There may have also been some cheesecake at the (enter Hallelujah Chorus) Cheesecake Factory...

Now before my Made to Crave peeps get worried, check out these delicious and healthy lettuce wraps I chose as my main course:

We also shared some tears...and a whole lot of crazy laughter...

Some surprises...like hearing Laura Story sing her heart-piercing song Blessings...

Some dancing by the edge of a very steep and high in the air drop by a much-braver-than-me Holly. Holly was getting her groove ON to some Mary, Mary!

I was holding on with a white-knuckled grip to the railing with one hand and my friend Stephanie with the other, while inching to my seat on jello legs, as Holly danced with abandon. But, I thoroughly enjoyed her freedom. It was a welcome distraction to the images in my head of me plunging to a gruesome death at the bottom of Nationwide Arena. I love that girl. Not just because she's fearless, even when we're miles in the air. But, also because of this:

We enjoyed the brisk walk to and and from the conference....

                                 But quickly learned the importance of landmark amongst female navigators when we couldn't find our way back to the parking garage. I took a picture to remember. Stacie, a former secretary, took notes. For the record, her way was much more effective.

Riding the elevator, full of anticipation...

Nancy on the left and Stephanie on my right...some pretty special gals to have alongside you on life's journey...

And, this picture below...this picture is the one I wasn't going to share. You see, it depicts me in a less than flattering pose...and that just can't be done in blog world. We must present the perfect picture, right? And an unflattering picture just won't do! But, it was too funny and too full of the real me not to share it. And, this weekend has been about freedom.

So, let me tell you what's going on in the picture below. The lovely Mattie and Holly's sweet little pixie of a cousin Amber are to my left. You all know Holly, and that's the lovely Erin to Holly's right. Of course, our Lainey-girl is in the middle. Now, I was excited to see these girls...to hug them in real life. And, we needed a picture. So, I climbed over some chairs and thought I could just squeeze in between Holly's and Amber's seats real quick. Sounded good...but here's the thing.

You know how some really big dogs, like maybe a Saint Bernard or bloodhound might think they are little lap dogs and just jump right up on you like a tiny chihuahua...only they aren't so tiny. Well that's what this picture reminds me of. It's like I'm the Saint Bernard squishing the life out of little Amber. I'm sort of turned at a funny angle to squeeze in, which just makes it look even more like a big dog climbing on to a little lap, squeezing into a tiny space!! If you look closely, Amber does look slightly afraid! =) 

I love the girls of Sufficient Grace...

And, let me just take a moment to talk about this sweet Lainey. She was an angel throughout the entire conference. She happily bounced on our knees, was loved on and passed around, chewed on our necklaces, nursed when she was hungry, and just happily went along. We all had a chance for some Lainey love!

Love this pic with Mattie and laid-back Lainey...

The conference was full of inspiring speakers and beautiful worship. I have much to share from the words of Sheila Walsh, Nicole Johnson, and others. Words that God used to speak to the very depths of my heart, peeling back some of my layers. But, for this post...there's only one speaker that I want to focus on.

Our very own, Angie Smith...

She took the stage, and we knew that every step to that platform was a battle. Angie struggles with anxiety. To take that stage alone is a challenge, but to take that stage to share the story that brushes the most tender places of her heart...that is a Goliath- sized giant of a challenge. But, Angie belongs to a big God. So she took the steps, and charmed us with her down to earth humor and grace. The reason we love her is that when we read her blog or talk to her, it is like we are sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade with an old friend. She is real, and compassionate, and holds none of it back.

Below, you'll find another reason I can identify with sweet Angie. She talks with her hands and moves around so much that was hard to get a picture of her that wasn't blurry! I might know a girl like that! ;)

We've read the story of Audrey Caroline. We know the beauty of Angie's heart wrenching journey as she trusted the God who carried her. We know the God to "whom she belongs". We know it, not only because of the eloquent, honest way she has written it on her blog and in her book, but because we have walked that path. We have danced our own "sacred dance of grief and joy". After listening to Angie speak, I leaned down to the mothers in our group, and said, "Angie was wonderful, but I want you to know that you are just as amazing and beautiful. Her story is our story as well. You are mothers who have walked this path, and chose to trust Him. The same God who carried Angie, carried  all of us."

Any of us could tell a similar tale of beauty from ashes...

We walked that path. We heard those awful words. We waited for our babies. We trusted in God, when we couldn't see. We held our babies in our arms for a brief moment and released them to the arms of Jesus. We clung to Him when our hearts were broken into tiny, shattered pieces and the ache was a canyon of sorrow with no relief. We cling to Him still.

We wept with Angie and felt like we were standing there with her, as she told her story, Audrey's   

           story, God's story...

         our story.

And, then we waited in line to meet this woman we call friend in our hearts. While in line, I met a beautiful mother named Rebecca, mommy to Charlie, who shared a bit of her son's story. She was also looking forward to hugging the woman whose story resonated with her, as she grieved her son.

The anticipation mounts as we wait...Erin and I look forward eagerly.

We had been hoping to meet Angie, and she had emailed back that she would like to see us as well. This was her first event, so we weren't sure when we could schedule our rendezvous. She was a bit busy after all! ;) Angie has such a compassionate heart, and would probably talk to everyone if she could. But, the staff was trying to keep her to a schedule. So, finding time to meet proved difficult. I wasn't sure if it would even work, and kept praying that God would work it out. I so did not want the ladies in our group to be disappointed. She emailed me that maybe we could meet her at the book signing. So we grabbed our books and hopped in line early.

The staff was trying to hurry her along, and they were cutting off the line. I leaned over to one of them and said, "We are from Sufficient Grace, and it would mean so much for these mothers to meet Angie. She had emailed us that we could meet her here." They nodded, but said she had to catch a flight and to keep it moving.

It was my turn, and I stepped forward to meet the author of the first blog I ever read.

I began, "I'm Kelly Gerken from Sufficient Grace."

And, her face lit up as she squealed and hugged me tight...looking as excited to hug us, a we felt to meet and hug her. Like long lost friends, we embraced. We are Sundays after all. I never thought I'd feel this way about women I met on the internet. Only God could knit hearts together in such a way.

We hugged and she said she had told the staff when they cut off the line, "Make sure the Sufficient Grace girls are in the line."

That blessed us beyond words. I can't tell you what those moments were like as the line was held up and everything else, but the flashes of cameras and the tears falling stopped, while mothers with a common bond shared stories about babies that dwell in heaven. I introduced the moms and one by one they embraced Angie as she listened with compassion...weeping with those who weep as only one who has wept herself can. She would say she is an ugly crier...something like a "deranged gopher", I believe? But, I would say that watching her cry with these women I love was one of the most beautiful sights of this weekend for me. The bond we mothers share is a special one. It is unlike anything else.

We thanked her for telling "our story"...for being our voice...for glorifying God.

And, then...speaking of mothers and our common bond...

It was Holly's turn to step up and meet Angie. While we were waiting in line to meet Angie, Lainey started to fuss. So, Holly did what mama's do when their babies are hungry. She slapped on her Udder Cover and nursed the babe. When it was time to meet Angie, Holly was still feeding a happy Lainey. Angie, being the sweet-friend-sipping-lemonade-on-the-porch that she is wanted to meet little Lainey....I'll let Holly tell you what happened next on her blog, as cameras snapped and mama's shared!

I have so much more to say, but my eyes are bleary from all of the crying, laughing, and late night after-prom chaperoning (upon arriving home, I went straight to prom and did not get to bed until 4a.m.!) that occurred this weekend. I love every one of the ladies that came with us, and will cherish the moments of absolute deep belly laughter and deranged gopher crying tears we shared as God spoke to our hearts throughout this weekend. It was a grand adventure...that even included an unfortunate incident with our car and a deer on the way home. All was well (except for the deer, of course), thanks to Becki's cool handed driving, a mighty tough orange jeep, and a God whose hand was upon His girls who giggled their way home.

It was two days filled with "Daddy's little girl moments" and I'm so grateful for the women who were there to share it all.

Love you, girls...

P.S. You didn't think I forgot about those of you who couldn't make it, did you? You know, there's nothing we like more than sharing the blessing. So...the book Angie was signing in the picture. That was for one of you! If you would like to be entered to win an autographed copy of Angie's book, I Will Carry You, please mention it in the comments of this post.

Women of Faith Winner

And....the Winner of the Women of Faith Ticket Giveaway is...

Mattie from Beauty Will Rise

Whoooo- Hoo! Congratulations Mattie...can't wait to meet you in person!

If you didn't win and would like to join us at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio please email me for information on how you can order a ticket and sit with the Sufficient Grace group.

Women of Faith Giveaway ~ So Excited I Cannot Even Deal

CONTEST CLOSED: WINNER ANNOUNCED
(MATTIE FROM BEAUTY WILL RISE)

Last year, we went to Women of Faith and had our socks thoroughly blessed off by all of the beautiful ladies who shared their hearts from the stage...and of course...ahem....Mary Beth and Stephen Curtis Chapman. I met Jennilee and had some delicious cheesecake with my Holly-girl. Becki and I shared some giggles and we all just had a grand time getting encouraged, praising the Lord, laughing, crying, being inspired, and just being girls.

This year....we are getting all our ducks in a row to go again. I haven't ordered our tickets yet, but I would like to within the next couple weeks. I wanted to give you an opportunity to order tickets in the Sufficient Grace group, so you can sit with us. That may not sound very exciting at first, but keep reading! You might decide you really want to sit with us.There will be more information about how you can order tickets in the Sufficient Grace group coming soon in a future post.

Now...for the exciting part....

This year, Women of Faith...

Is featuring....

A very special speaker.

She is a blogger, author, and mama....with a beautiful heart...a gift of writing that leaves you feeling as if God's love is whispered into every word she writes, and a smile that makes you feel like you're sitting on her back porch chatting with your best friend on a summer day.

She loves Beth Moore....but WE love HER!

People....I cannot contain myself....

It's...

Angie Smith from Bring the Rain!!!!!!!!

Angie will be speaking at the Women of Faith in Columbus (and other venues) this year!! And...she is willing to take a few minutes to meet with the ladies who will be attending the conference with Sufficient Grace. I am sooooo excited to meet her and to hopefully meet a few of you!

Holly from Caring for Carleigh, Becki, and I will be going and we really hope some of you will join us. You know, we have to spread the blessing around, right?

So....

Sufficient Grace Ministries would like to offer to give away at least one Women of Faith ticket to one of you. The ticket, valued at $99, will be good for the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio April 29-April 30, 2011. It includes an all-day conference Friday and Saturday and lunch for both days. (You are responsible for covering your travel cost, additional meals, and accommodations. Contact me for information about booking accommodations. We may be able to get a group discount, and ladies can share a room to reduce cost.)

You can visit the Women of Faith website for more details about the amazing speakers, singers, and other guests who will be in Columbus. Also, contact me, if you decide to order tickets to sit with the Sufficient Grace group: sufficientgraceministries (at) gmail (dot) com.

How can you enter to win a Women of Faith ticket, to sit with the ladies from Sufficient Grace, and meet Angie?

There are several ways to enter:

First....leave a comment on this post. For fun, you could share a "woman of faith" in your life who has inspired you.

Additional entries for:
Facebooking or tweeting about this contest.
If you are a follower of this blog.
Follow Sufficient Grace on facebook.

*Please leave a separate comment on this post for each additional entry in order to make it easier for me to count.

I'm so excited! Praying (and trusting) this will be a blessing, and hoping some of you can join us!

Happy Sunday....and Go Jets and Packers!

Mary Beth Chapman ~ Part Two

Continued from Part One of my account of Mary Beth Chapman speaking at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus, Ohio. (Click here to read Part One.)

We waited, literally on the edge of our seats for her words. She looked down at her papers and sipped her water. There were some light-hearted quips about her sweet husband...little windows into life in the Chapman family. Then, she delved into her story and we were captivated.

She spoke of wrestling with God...

"I've always had a plan," she began, as she described her type A personality and her need for control. "But, there were so many plot twists...my plan had to go out the window."

She wanted to marry someone who was predictable, a planner with a schedule...maybe an accountant. Instead, she fell in love with a "guitar-playing, mullet-wearing, song-writing musician" named Stephen Curtis Chapman. The only thing they had in common was being in love and sharing the same last name. His glass is always half full...where hers is always half empty. Her family believed practical jokes were a love language. Stephen thinks practical jokes are "vandalism"! (That one really made me smile, because my husband is the same way. And, I know how ornery he was as a kid. So, it really makes me laugh that he is so strict about things like "toilet-papering". He won't allow our kids to do it! My mother went toilet-papering with me when I was in Jr. High...and even fell out of a tree and cut her leg when we were almost caught! Oops...did I just blog that?!)

She went on...

"God was writing His story all along and I was trying my best to control it."

As his career grew, she struggled with feeling even more out of control of their circumstances and their lives. She shared of her battle with clinical depression, an ongoing battle that forces her to draw near to Jesus.

Her words:

"(It) daily drives us to Jesus, the Healer of all pain in all ways."

Oh...what desperately beautiful words of hope and truth. He is the Healer of ALL pain...in ALL ways. He is faithful.

When she spoke of adopting their daughters from China, her words were so fitting...such a picture of the rescue that we ourselves have received.

She said...

"For the first time, I realized what Jesus did for us on the cross..."

"She had no name, no hope...We came and gave her a family, an inheritance."

Jesus came and did the same for us. "He told us, He would not leave us orphans."

And...He kept that promise.

Then...on May 21, 2008...

"God wrote a chapter in our lives that nobody wanted..."

She courageously and with raw honesty spoke the words that every mother can understand...

"As a mom, I would choose to have Maria back over all the lives this story has touched."

Tears streamed down my face as I nodded. We know. We know what she means. We know what it is to see God make beauty from ashes...to even understand how He has given us so much from walking that path. How He has touched so many lives because they lived on this Earth. But, we didn't choose it. And had we been given the choice to offer comfort to others or to watch our children grow up, we would choose to have them here with us. He sees the beginning from the end. We do not. And, we are mothers, after all.

Mothers...just like Mary Beth...who was busily living life when this storm swept in without warning.

And, then...these words from her mother-heart...

"I miss her with all the miss that there could be in the world."

Yeah...
They were living life...planning weddings and graduations...busily preparing. One day they were planning a wedding for one child, and the next, a funeral for their little girl.

"Satan surely came calling for the Chapman family...Satan didn't win. He won't win."

Her voice rose slightly with firm resolve as she said those words.

Life continued on with it's relentless pace...oblivious to the attack that had pummelled their lives. Their son sang at his graduation in the very same place where he had attended the funeral of his sister the day before.

They were initiated into the "fellowship of suffering".

Days into this new journey one of their children asked,

"Why is it so hard?"

Mary Beth answered, "Because God has asked us to do hard."

"We have chosen to see that God is in all of this...Can we choose to see God in the good and in the pain?"

She talked about Maria's Big Hope...about the promise that out of these ashes, beauty will rise.

As the days wore on, they were wanting desperately to "see" God's hand in all of this. The children found a drawing that Maria Sue had been working on. It was a flower with six petals...only one was colored in fully. To Mary Beth, that one represented her daughter...the only one of her six children who was completely full, healed, and home.

On the back of the drawing was one simple word...a word Maria Sue had never written before.

In big, unmistakably bold, capital letters the word...

SEE

They knew...

"God was with us...He has a plan for us."

She said so much more. Some of the most poignant and hope-filled words were lost in the frenzy as I frantically scrawled her words in my little green notebook in the dark. I desperately wanted to share the gift of those moments with you. She was speaking quickly at the end, conscious that time was running out. We could have listened to her all night. We sat captivated. She mentioned something about "we who are sufferers are invited...to a special place close to God's heart." She said it so much more eloquently, and I lost some of her words. They were words of faith and hope from a women who has been through the fires of desperate grief.

I will leave you with these simple words from Mary Beth...words of hope and truth.

"God is good even when life is not."

Stephen Curtis met her on the steps as she descended and he embraced her, his eyes still damp from the tears he shed, as she recounted their journey of beauty rising from ashes. With unabashed pride and love, he acknowledged the incredible courage she displayed...taking that stage to share such sacred pieces of brokenness and healing with all of us. We knew. We knew we had witnessed such intimacy from two people who have walked in the ruins and beheld the ashes of their lives.

Stephen bit back the tears several more times as he began singing the promise...

"Out of these ashes...beauty will rise..."

It's rising, sweet Chapman family...in all of it's heart-wrenching splendor...beauty is rising from the ashes. It is a glorious sight to behold...and one of extreme hope. Thank you for allowing us to see it...to hear it...to walk this path with you. And, thank you for your faithfulness as you continue to cling the One who carries you...the One who dances with you among the ruins.

Yes...

God is good, even when life is not.

Sandi Patty, Stephen Curtis, Mary Beth, and more....Part One

As you've heard if you've been remotely near this blog recently, I spent an amazing weekend of renewal and encouragement at the Women of Faith Conference in Columbus with some wonderful blog and in real-life friends. I've been meaning to write about the speakers, and in particular...Mary Beth Chapman.

As thousands of women poured into Nationwide Stadium, I reflected on the ways that God had blessed our time in Columbus. Two girls bopping around the city, not really knowing their way around. He had been our guide, parting seas of traffic to smooth the path before us, setting up divine appointments with soft-hearted chaplains who genuinely cared about grieving families, and leading us to just the right hospital (one we weren't planning to go to) when we "lost our way" for a moment. It seems we thought we were lost, but we were on His path all along. I smiled as I thought of how He mulitiplied the three tickets we purchased, and how several beautiful women of faith who otherwise would not have, gathered together to find refreshment and encouragement last weekend.

The lights dimmed and the worship team took the stage. Thousands of voices joined as one to praise their Father. Sweet Jennilee sat to my right and Becki to my left.

Soon Anita Renfroe, hysterical and quite gifted in "breaking the ice" had us all laughing deep belly laughs until tears filled our eyes. Oh, that girl is seventy kinds of funny! Love her...

While Mandisa sat wrapped in her Snuggi on the "porch", Sandi Patty took the stage and melted us with the beauty of her indescribably phenomenal voice. There are no words that could do it justice. Hearing Sandi sing is like getting a specially-wrapped gift straight from heaven. Perhaps in heaven everyone will sound like Sandi...wouldn't that be something? I think I could listen to her for eternity.

Sandi shared about her battle with her weight. I loved when she said that she released seventy-five pounds...because if you lose something you intend to get it back!


She spoke of a time when she was rejected by Disney to work as one of their singers, because of her weight...

She said that it was devastating.

She thought she stood on the edge of a dream.

Then she felt that she was on the edge of disaster.

She later realized that she was on the edge of the divine.

...where grace begins...

Soon after that time, she had the opportunity to tour with the Gaithers and there she learned many things that have taken her to where she is today.

Later, she shared a time when she struggled with feeling like she would never be enough...

Moms, wives, women on planet earth...have you ever felt that way? Ever felt like you could never be enough? Can I get an amen, sister?!

She told how the Lord revealed to her this message:

"You are enough for Me and I am enough for you..."

And, she said, "We are worthy of His love...we are enough..."

Because of Jesus, we are worthy and we are enough...

What I love the most about Sandi's message, though is how she referred to the time when she started to work on losing weight as "peeling back the layers"...what a woman after my own heart. She gets it. You know, for those of us comfort eaters...it is a "peeling back the layers" process. And, what's underneath isn't pretty! At least not all of it...O.K., most of it!!

---------

Next, that little spitfire, Patsy Clairmont stepped on to the stage. Did you know that Patsy once battled (and still does at times) agoraphobia? Patsy's son battled a life-threatening case of H1N1 this past year. I'd love to go into detail, but I'll just give you the gist of her message. I know you are all waiting to hear about Mary Beth and Stephen...and I have a lot to say about that.

Patsy said...

Prayer matters...
Love matters...
People matter...
Recovery is a process...
Never give up...

"Sometimes change is good." And when circumstances change and we resist...thinking they look a certain way, reacting in fear and hesitation....as in her journey with her son's illness and recovery...ask...as the Lord whispered to her heart...

"What if this change is for good?"

I like that...and I love you, Patsy...

Oh...one more thing Patsy said, when talking about feeling protective of our families. You know how it is when you are in the hospital with a loved one and you're not sure about the choices they're making?

She said...

"We gals can rise up mighty when it comes to our people!"

Yes, we can, Miss Patsy...yes, we can! =)

-------------------

Stephen Curtis Chapman took the stage...



We held our breath...



He sang..."Sink or swim, I'm diving in..."

He sang the words, and we knew he meant every nuance. We knew that when the river's high, the water's deep...He was going in, trusting God whether He would sink or swim...

We know where He has walked...

Before he sang a heart-wrenching "Butterfly Kisses", he said...

"I can sing this song because I am going to sing and dance again with my princess, my Cinderella..."

He spoke of his Maria Sue who went to be with Jesus on May 21, 2008 after a tragic accident. She was five years old.

More of Stephen's words of hope...

"...we anchor ourselves to the hope of the gospel..."

"God is going to make everything new...take that hope and promise to this moment...live with hope and purpose...anchor ourselves to Him. Our future is so far greater than our short past....

I will continue to sing until I get to dance with her again..."

The sea of grief is relentless. Many of you know that. Many of you are being tossed about mercilessly as we speak...helpless in the clutches of the storm. People can talk of hope...of the promises of Jesus. But, those words coming from this father...who has lived this pain and experienced the hope of that anchor as he clutches onto it for dear life while the sea roars around him.

Him, we listen to. We know he knows of that which he speaks. He knows it in an intensely real way.

Watching him, was faith and courage in action. I watched as he bit his lip several times to fight back the tears. The beauty and the brokenness were woven into his eyes, lilting forth in the sound of his beautiful voice, pouring through the haunting words promising that indeed, beauty will rise from these ashes. His unabashed love for his wife, his children, his Savior shining, nay...oozing out of every core of his being.

It was like beholding rising beauty.

With pride (and humility, too), he teared up as he introduced his wife Mary Beth.

Again, we held our breath, knowing that we were being given a precious gift. This was the first time sweet Mary Beth had taken the Women of Faith stage and shared the most tender pieces of her heart. What an unimaginable privilege that we could be invited into such a sacred place. For it is an incredible gift to be allowed to walk with a grieving heart...to hear the testimonies of God's grace in the valley of the shadow of death.

She tenderly made her way to the stage. Her eyes drawn with grief, her body still carrying the weight of sorrow on her tiny frame, she displayed more courage than I have the words to convey. She stood in the middle of the stadium shuffling her papers in her shaking hands, taking a moment to get her voice. We embraced her with every fiber of our hearts.

When she hesitated, tearing up for a moment...words of encouragement were shouted from various parts of the filled stadium.

"We love you, Mary Beth...."

And, we cried with her...

She found her voice, though...and beauty rose. Beauty, courage, strength, faith, hope. Those aren't just words...not when you are beholding one who stands in the very grip of His grace. Nothing is more real.

More on what Mary Beth said coming soon in another post...


To be continued...

Mystery Blogger Revealed

I didn't intend to wait this long to tell you who attended Women of Faith with us on Saturday. But, I've been hanging out with my family and working, and you know...life stuff...for the past couple days. Plus, it's ridiculously beautiful out, which is why this will be another quick post. Posts on SCC and Mary Beth and the others will be coming soon.

Sooooooo,

Would you like to know who the mystery blogger was?


A few of you guessed Holly....




Holly did attend the conference on Friday, but she wasn't the mystery blogger.

Some mentioned Stephanie Gerken, the original winner of the ticket...



Sweet Stephanie (mama to Chloe Joy, Ella Faith, and six other beautiful children) was there on Saturday, along with her beautiful mother, Cookie, (who was my fourth grade teacher, an amazing teacher I have had the privilege of working with in my current job, and one of the women of faith in my own life.) Cookie wouldn't let me take her picture, though! =)

While approaching Nationwide Arena...




I saw, much to my surprise, among the throngs of some 30,000 (or so) women...Tim's gorgeous aunt Susan! Although, her presence was a surprise, she wasn't the mystery, either.




It was the lovely and adorable, Jennilee!



At the last minute, I emailed Jennilee that there was an extra ticket. Stephanie received a surprise additional ticket to attend with her mother. This freed the ticket we had purchased for her. So, it was re-offered here. And, sweet Jennilee arranged her schedule so that she could attend the conference with us on Saturday! It was so nice to meet her in person and give her a big hug.

Jennilee said, "I feel like I know you already!"

I felt the same way...

A couple years ago, I never would have believed I could feel that way about someone I met online. But, this crazy blog thing we do makes us feel like friends, even before we meet. And, I suppose it isn't just the blogging that knits us together. For some, it is the common bond of motherhood. For others it is walking with one another through life, and through loss. For still others, it is one of the closest bonds...belonging to the body of Christ...sharing a sisterhood in Him.

I'm so grateful you juggled your schedule to meet with us, Jennilee. It was such a blessing to spend the day with you on Saturday! Holly, Becki, and I are already talking about getting together next year and attending both days. Maybe you and some others can join us for that!



-------

While several of you guessed correctly, Kristi was the first to guess Jennilee. So, she is the winner! Kristi...email me your address and I'll send you your Women of Faith tote full of goodies! Thank you to those who played along!

I couldn't find her blog to link up, but here is her comment:

Kristi said...
Jenilee?

May 2, 2010 7:52 PM
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In other news, this post from Stephanie, (Vayden's mama) just blessed my heart. Love and prayers for you, sweet Stephanie...

Guess the Mystery Blogger and Win - Women of Faith Tote Giveaway

The Women of Faith conference was amazing! I took extensive notes and cannot wait to share all about it. But, I need to hang out with my people. I thought I'd give you a little teaser...just a couple pics and a little guessing game.


Becki and I were so excited as we were getting ready to leave on our little adventure Friday morning...





After meeting with four hospitals in the Columbus area, having a lovely conversation with Claire at Mount Carmel West, and leaving brochures and Dreams of You Memory Books with each, we met up with Holly and her sweet cousin Amber to eat some heavenly cheesecake at....

(Cue Hallelujah Chorus...)








Yes..yes, we did take pictures of our cheesecake...such bloggers!



We loved this cool telephone booth in the middle of Easton..

.

It was a little windy, though...




O.K....I know that you're wondering about Women of Faith, and many are wanting to know about Mary Beth and Stephen Curtis Chapman. I took extensive notes and can't wait to share them with you. It was amazing and just such a privilege to be there the first time she shared her journey on the Women of Faith stage. I promise to blog about all of it, soon.

But, first a little guessing game with a prize for the winner!!!

If you would like to win this adorable tote....



...filled with these goodies from the Women of Faith conference...



Then guess the mystery blogger who met us on Saturday to attend the Women of Faith conference...


(Those of you who were there and know the answer are not allowed to participate...and you know who you are!)

Leave your guess in the comments below....first to guess correctly wins the tote full of encouraging goodies!

Coming to You Live From Columbus...

We are in Columbus, and it's been a gorgeous whirlwind of a day. We did not actually make it to the Women of Faith conference today, but plan on attending tomorrow. Holly and her cousin Amber went in our place today. While they were at the conference, Becki and I visited four hospitals in the Columbus area to share about Sufficient Grace. Then we all met up for supper at...the Cheesecake Factory. There are no words to describe the wonder of that cheesecake. I felt as if I were being lifted to another place as it melted in my mouth. Honestly...I was rendered speechless. I can't upload pics from the hotel because I forgot the cord I need in order to upload to this computer.

So, unfortunately, you'll have to wait until I get home for pictures. But, we took plenty...even of our cheesecake.

Stephanie is here, too...and we are hoping to meet up with her sometime tomorrow. Also...a mystery guest will hopefully join us.

Tomorrow morning, Becki and I will be attending the Women of Faith conference for the day. Rest assured, I will be taking extensive notes and blogging about the events later on...especially when Stephen Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman take the stage.

Another Sawyer Update before I sign off:

Sawyer is doing well. They hope to take him off the vent tomorrow and move him to an intermediate unit. There are still some concerns with his kidneys and a few other issues. So, please keep praying. For now, we rejoice over this good news...thank you for praying for this sweet boy.

Loose ends, Sawyer update, and Dreams of her...

I'm getting ready to go to the Women of Faith Conference in a little bit. Just to give you a little window into the willy-nilliness of my life, I'm still not packed. That's just how I roll. And, at 5:52am, I'm not even going to apologize. I will say, though, that I do admire all of you who are organized and together. It's a beautiful quality. Unfortunately, I am wired differently. I won't say that isn't a challenge for my very organized and structured husband at times...but God gives us both sufficient grace. He is faithful like that.

If you're wondering who is claiming the ticket I announced was still available (through a series of twists and events) yesterday, you'll just have to keep wondering. If all goes as planned, there will be some pictures to share....maybe even a plethora of pictures. And the mystery will be solved. I'm sure all two of you out there in blogland are just on the edge of your seats waiting to know who will come to Women of Faith with us! Don't worry...all will soon be revealed. =)

I don't know about all of you, but whenever I'm going somewhere, I feel like I have to tie up all the loose ends in my life before I go. (Not that it ever happens...it's just what I want to happen!) As if being gone for less than 48 hours is going to cause some sort of irreparable havoc in my life. So, for some reason, while I am yet unpacked, just hours from our departure, it seems necessary to write a blog post. The craziness of the way my mind works...aye, aye, aye!

So...some bloggy loose ends...completely unrelated to one another...

If you've been praying for baby Sawyer, thank you so much. Please scroll down to previous posts if you don't know Sawyer's situation...just not feeling the Linky this morning. Yes, I'm aware that typing all these words to explain not linking is probably more work than clicking around to do the linking...again, how I roll. At least this morning.

Sawyer did have the procedure to close up the opening left from his open heart surgery, yesterday. The last update was the procedure was a success and one little hurdle in this situation of seemingly endless hurdles is behind him. Please continue to pray for this sweet baby and his family as he heals and faces the next hurdle. (His mama is one of my best friends.)

Speaking of best friends, I'm feeling a little Steel Magnolias-ish this morning. You know, what with getting ready to meet up with some women of faith in my life and worship with about 40,000 other women of faith. And, as I think of the beautiful women of faith I'm going to meet, thoughts inevitably drift to my own mother, a place my mind goes often in a day's time.

I long to hear her sweet laugh and see her smile...the one that dances in her eyes and warms the whole room. I won't lie. My mama was a feisty gal. And, she and I didn't always see eye-to-eye. I'll be the first to admit that I spent most of her life missing out on all the gifts she had to offer. God did redeem all that was broken between us in the last years of her life. But, I have many regrets over the gifts I missed...the gifts she offered the world. I know when someone leaves us, we often only hold on to the good. But as time goes by, I don't see anything wrong with only seeing the good in those we love. Maybe, we should do it more with those who are still with us. I think I kind of like that, and I'm going to embrace it. Actually, I think it's a biblical concept even...check out I Corinthians 13.

Anyway, I miss my mother with a missing that I cannot convey with words. Even when I dream of her, my missing comes out. The ache is so acutely with me that sometimes I am taken aback by it's strength. My dreams of her have not always been a comfort. So much about the suffering at the end of her life remains unsettled in my psyche. And, I suppose it's all trying to work itself out in dreamland where I can't push it back down under the layers where I'd like it to stay. Dreams render you helpless like that.

I won't get into details here about all of those dreams, but I do want to share about the last one. To tell you the truth, most of them I'd rather not relive.

One of the things I long for the most is to just stand in the kitchen with her, or the laundry room while she does ordinary things and we chat like mothers and daughters do. Many of you are mothers aching for your children. I share that ache with you...those dreams for all that could have been. This ache is different. It is for all that was and all that could have been. I never dream of my babies, although I wish I could. It seems it would be a comfort to feel them in my arms, even if just in dreamland.

So, I was delighted when in this dream, I was allowed to do one of the things I long for most. As always, there was a little bit of reality in the dream. The reality is that my mother's house will be going up for sale soon. So, in dreamland, my stepfather was packing their things in the other room. I was in the kitchen feeling the usual weight in my chest. And, I looked up and saw her standing at the kitchen counter, wiping the crumbs. (She hated clutter and a crumby counter.) She was smiling and in no hurry at all.

"Mom, you're here!" I ran to her and hugged her tight, something I did too rarely in real life. The questions followed of "where have you been" and "I've missed you" and "There's so much going on". Some part of me in the dream understands that she has been gone...that she has died, even as I'm talking to her. I didn't dwell much on that this time. This time was different. I laughed with her in the kitchen, as they packed her life away in the other room. I laughed with her as she sat at the kitchen table laughing with her grandchildren and doing some craft. I laughed with her while she was in the laundry room. (She really had a thing about laundry. She hated to get behind and was meticulous about the way it was done. I did not inherit this trait, much to my family's chagrin.)

In many of my dreams, there is little comfort as I work out all that I didn't know was inside me. But, in this dream, as we stood in the kitchen and I prepared to apologize again, as if I could somehow have prevented all that happened, she put her hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes and said the words I must be longing to hear...

"This is not your fault."

She hugged me and I inhaled the smell of vanilla and Tide, drinking in the beauty of her face and the feel of her arms around me, knowing even in my dream state that our time was short. Peace settled in my heart and I awoke with her memory still hanging in the air. It felt as if I did spend time with her. And, I was grateful, even if it was only a dream. Oh, the glory that will be revealed one day when I'll never have to wake up from that dream as we laugh with those we love in heaven's glory.

O.K....now that I got that off my chest...I really do need to pack! We will be visiting hospitals in Columbus today to give them some information about Sufficient Grace. Please pray that God will open doors and that we will find favor and make the appropriate contacts. And, please pray for God's protection and all the other loose ends as we march forth.

For now, I'm off to get my Women of Faith on!

Love to all...

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A Last Minute Women of Faith Giveaway....ENTER FAST

This is very last minute and a little crazy, but I find myself, through a series of events, to have an extra Women of Faith ticket for this weekend's Over the Top conference in Columbus, Ohio (April 30th-May1st).

I thought about offering it to those who entered the last Women of Faith giveaway, but I'm not sure if they are still available to go at the last minute. I still may notify each. But, I've decided to open it up to a giveaway post. I will need to know ASAP if you can go. If not, I'll start talking to some in real life friends, because I'd hate to see this ticket go to waste.

It sure would be fun to meet some of you in person, though! And, we are having dinner on Friday at The Cheesecake Factory! So...come to meet me, come to meet Holly...or come for the cheesecake....but please, just come!

Leave a comment here to enter...

Gathering, Helping Hands, and Comfort Bears...

I was so hoping to reveal the changes we have been working on for the past two weeks, but there are still a few glitches to iron out. Hopefully within the next few days, our blog renovation will be complete...so stay tuned!

In the meantime, we met with the ladies from the Helping Hands Ministry at Harvest Fellowship Church this Saturday, to make the Comfort Bears offered in our Dreams of You Memory Baskets. These women are such a blessing to me, to Sufficient Grace, and to the families who receive our products. You know, I was sharing a couple posts ago about how the movie Steel Magnolias resonates with me, because of the gathering of women to laugh, cry, and walk through life together. (You may not have read it, because it was at the end of a REALLLLLY long post!) I shared how the generations of women surrounding me have been interrupted, and how much I miss my mother and my daughters.

And, I do miss their presence in my life, everyday. But, God is so gracious...such an abundant and faithful provider. There is not a need in our lives or a desire in our hearts that goes unnoticed by our Father. He knows how I treasure the gathering of women to laugh and cry and walk through this life together. He knows exactly what I'm missing. He has provided beautiful, amazing women to surround me...to encourage me, to walk with me...both in blog world and in real life.

I spent this past Saturday with some of them. Beautiful women of faith, they quietly serve the Lord, honoring Him in the work they do with their hands, using their gift of sewing to bring comfort to grieving hearts and to clothe children in need. They worked on the Comfort Bears for Sufficient Grace, and another worthy project: sundresses and cloth diapers for children in Haiti. (A project they began shortly BEFORE the massive earthquake devastated the region.)

Our Comfort Bears were originally created by my mother, Kathy Rutter. She lovingly sewed each one, as only a grandmother can...filling them with love and prayers for the broken-hearted mothers who would receive them. She worked on them passionately, until shortly before cancer took her life in 2006. Kaye Shively stepped forward to continue my mother's dream and formed the Helping Hands Ministry. Kaye and her team of faithful servant-hearted ladies have helped us provide hundreds of Comfort Bears to families all over the United States and Canada.

There are not words to express how grateful we are for their efforts. They usually work quietly, behind the scenes. And, they weren't too thrilled to see my camera come out on Saturday. Hopefully, they will forgive me. I just have to share them with all of you, as they are such a blessing, encouragement, and such an example to me. They are Titus 2, in action...beautiful, God-honoring women...quietly serving the Lord, with willing hearts.

So, on Saturday...we gathered...



Kaye, Joyce, and Jacie...the core members of Helping Hands.

Kaye (left)...the leader of Helping Hands, a gifted seamstress, quiet, humble, gentle-spirited, kind, beautiful servant heart. She is rarely found without one or all of her grandchildren in her arms. Love and gentleness shine through Kaye, whether she's with her grandchildren or anyone else.

Joyce (right)...another beautiful servant heart, also gifted in sewing, the mother of my Pastor (which alone causes me to respect and love her for helping to mold such a wonderful man). She has a quick-witted dry humor that absolutely blesses my heart, and I love her smile. She is full of wisdom, which she shares in the most natural way as we work. She has a phenomenal gift with children, in her calm, no-nonsense manner, as she takes things in stride. Not only do her own children rise up and call her blessed, but the special needs children she works with think she's pretty alright, too!

Jacie (front)...daughter of Joyce, talented seamstress in her own right. A no-nonsense girl, like her mother, Jacie also appreciates a little sarcastic humor. She is a loving mother to her own three children...and is always willing to serve in many areas of our church. She and her husband are both servant-hearted blessings, whether teaching the youth of our church, or serving food on fellowship day. So grateful for them.



Patty...I haven't learned a lot about yet. But, I can tell you one thing. That girl can sew a nose on a bear like nobody's business! (It's a little Helping Hands joke that I'm a tad particular about bear noses!)



Stephanie (left)...I am just getting to know Stephanie, but I already love her. She is so easy to be around...and instantly welcoming and easy to talk to. Stephanie has such a heart for grieving mothers and such a willing heart. She and her husband (owner of Zachrich funeral home) have become supporters of Sufficient Grace, and we are so grateful for them. Stephanie's sweet daughter also came to help, and it turns out we voted the Zachrich girls the best stuffers of the day. (This was decided after they left.) Now, don't go getting too prideful that you ladies have the gift of "stuffing"!

You already know that other girl in the picture...=)



Susan...a dear friend and fellow praying mama, a woman full of grace, someone you can whole-heartedly trust. I have prayed with Susan in Moms in Touch. We have laughed and cried together. And I adore her. (Hopefully she doesn't kill me for putting her picture on here. She didn't know I was taking it!) Love you, Susan! Her sweet daughter (an aspiring seamstress) also came to lend a hand.

Love the gathering of generations of women...to serve the Lord...