Any Given Sunday...

Any given Sunday, you will find us doing this... And even a little of this... ...reaping with songs of joy.

We are blessed to be able to take part in the Children's Worship at our church on Sunday mornings. It is a blessing, a privilege...and also, way fun!!! We get to rock out and sing from the tips of our toes to the top of our heads and shout and move. Tim gets to rock his guitar...or guitars! We get to praise the Lord, sometimes really loud...like the kids like it! Sometimes quiet, reflecting on His beauty and grace. Not always perfectly, but always with a joyful heart...making a joyful noise unto the Lord.

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.
~Psalm 100:1-5

Those who know us well, know how far God has brought us...and the amazing grace that has been poured out upon us. May He get all the glory...as we celebrate the beauty that He makes from the ashes of our lives...

What Matters

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:



Busyness abounds in our lives. We rush around with full schedules, running here and there...working, building, making a home. Many of the things we are doing are good things, fun things, necessary things. But they still take our time and focus. Almost everyone around me seems a little stretched for time, a little busy. And, I am most certainly included among those who are frazzled and at times even overwhelmed with the day-to-day demands of this life. I've written many times about it...about my jumbled priorities and disorganization...about feeling overwhelmed. Much of it is necessary. Much of it is good. But, how much of it really matters? And how much of it could we do without?

This week's scriptures are excellent words to remind us of what really matters, starting with this:
For when he dies he shall carry nothing away;
His glory shall not descend after him.
~Psalm 49:17

Psalm 49 talks about those who focus all their time and energy on building wealth and glory. Please don't misunderstand, we have to work to make a living and we should focus some of our time and energy on that. We have to make a home, pay our bills, support our churches and ministries. But, how much of our focus is on material things? Are we seeking to have more than we need...to always have something more or bigger? Are we seeking glory in the things of this world? And, I love the message of this Psalm...you cannot take any of it with you. What does it really matter? What really matters is where we will be spending eternity...not how much stuff we accumulated on this earth and how much glory we achieved.

So...what really matters? What should really be the focus of our attention, the desire of our hearts, the attitude with which we approach the day's agenda? Let's look to Philippians chapter 4 to find out.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7

We are not to be anxious or overwhelmed when we look at the needs before us...but instead we should pray with a thankful heart, and trust the Lord to handle what lies ahead. In return, He fills us with peace as a trade for our anxiety...and not peace as the world gives us. Not a fleeting moment of peace, but a deep abiding peace that comes from a loving, able God...a peace that is not dependent on circumstances...a peace that surpasses all human understanding. A peace that guards our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Oh...sweet peace.

What should we focus our thoughts on?

Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. ~ Phil. 4:8

Guess what, if you read to verse nine, you'll find that the trade-off for focusing our thoughts on the things which are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report is...more peace. Peace sounds so much better than frazzled and overwhelmed...so much better.

Another good place to be...resting in the arms of our Father, trusting Him to meet our needs...no matter what state we are in. No matter how things look with our limited human eyes. Knowing that He is not only able...but willing to meet all of our needs.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Phil. 4:11-13


How can we learn to be content everywhere and in all things? Because, we know the One who promises to meet all of our needs according to His riches and glory...

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. ~ Phil. 4:18-20

Memorial Day

This morning at the Memorial Day Parade and ceremony, this verse was read:

For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
~Psalm 61:3

James watching the parade. The flags had just passed and his eyes were on the veterans.


James and Daddy




James and Grandpa


Remembering those who gave their lives for our freedom...remembering those who have served and sacrificed...remembering with a thankful heart.

Before

In 1996 when we met and said goodbye to our Faith and Grace and in 1998 when we met and said good-bye to our Thomas Patrick, things were much different than they are today. When Faith and Grace were born, we held them briefly while I sang Amazing Grace and said a prayer. The nurses took them and shot some poor quality polaroids (although we do appreciate their attempts). We were given a little bundle with their tiny preemie diapers, the polaroids, and the book Empty Arms and sent on our not-so-merry way. When we received the fatal diagnosis of Potter's Syndrome midway through our pregnancy with Thomas, we heard the words "incompatible with life" for the first time and we were sent on our not-so-merry (read: grief stricken, forsaken-feeling, heart broken) way. To make a choice. An impossible choice.

It was before.

Before Be Not Afraid...

Before Waiting With Gabriel and perinatal hospice...

Before String of Pearls...

Before Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

Before we were inspired by the journeys of MckMama and Stellan, Angie and Audrey Caroline, Stacy and Isaac, Lynette Kraft and her sweet babies, before Names were Written in the Sand and so many other bloggers who courageously clung to the Lord and His promises in the midst of the storm as He held them in the grip of His grace...

It was before I even had a computer!

It was still on the outskirts of a time when you quietly grieved as the world moved on. We did continue our pregnancy with Thomas, but we didn't have a maternity Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photo shoot. We didn't feel the we could embrace and fully cherish our time with Thomas with the outside world, at least. I did cherish it in the quiet of my heart. We felt weak, often just clinging to the Lord to get through. I didn't have a birth plan...didn't know there was such a thing. I didn't know anyone else who chose to continue their pregnancy, and some in the medical profession thought we were crazy for doing so. (Not my wonderful, compassionate maternal fetal medicine doctor, Dr. M...but some.) I did live from month to month...ultrasound to ultrasound because I knew that short of a miracle from God, this would be the only time I had with my sweet Thomas. And I longed to see him on the screen...I longed to meet him face to face. I did feel sometimes that my pregnant belly was a source of sorrow and a reminder of the loss to come to my family who had already buried our sweet baby girls less than two years prior to this pregnancy. I did struggle with dealing with being pregnant around others in our tiny town who could see my visibly pregnant belly and thought that I was joyfully expecting new life. And not awaiting my baby's death.

God did speak to my heart that no matter what the outcome, whether Thomas was healed physically on this earth or whether He was made complete in heaven...He would live. He would live and his life would be a miracle...no matter what. So...I was expecting new life. New beautiful, amazing life. He spoke it to my heart as I read of Lazarus in John 11..."This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." (John 11:4) Of course, my aching mother's heart at first thought the Lord was speaking to me that my Thomas would not die. (And really He was...but I didn't get it at first.) Over the course of a few days, the message sunk in...no matter what the outcome, Thomas will live. Because later in verses 25-26, Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though He may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"

Yes, Lord...I believe this...and I finally understood. No matter what, Thomas would live. Years before this message of truth was heard around the world through the journey of a sweet MckMama and her precious MckMuffin, God whispered this promise to my heart in the quiet of my kitchen as my tears dripped onto the bible before me.

We had a quiet, private service for our babies when they passed. And, people didn't know what to say, how to comfort us, how to support us. We were quiet, not displaying pictures...not sharing the lives of our sweet children with the world. We were quiet as we were carried through the relentless waves of grief, sharing it with only those closest to us...rarely discussing it with one another. At the time, we were just trying to survive. I didn't have the voice to share their journey for many years. But, in 2004, God did begin to awaken my heart to share Faith and Grace and Thomas with others...to reach out to offer comfort and hope. And, he gave me a voice.

Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women (and families) was born.

I am so grateful for the support and inspiration we have today from the organizations I listed above and from the brave mothers and families who have shared their babies with the world. That we may all have a voice. That mothers who walk this journey know that they don't walk alone. That because of their courage, their faith, because of God's unbelievable grace...the families who walk this path today can know that others have walked before them....cherishing the gift of life, no matter how brief. The message that every life matters, every life holds purpose and value...that message gives other moms the courage to trust God to carry them and their babies through with His sufficient grace. Thank you to all of you, for lending your voice to tell your stories...to to tell His story.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having said all of that, I just want to end with a little forewarning to all. Sufficient Grace Ministries is on my heart this morning (well, always!). Reaching out to more families and meeting the increasing needs of those families is a passion that God has planted in my heart since he gave me the voice to tell our story five years ago. And, we are getting ready to start Operation Support Sufficient Grace - a series of fundraisers to support the efforts of our non-profit ministry. I often struggle with the fundraising aspect of ministry. It is definitely not the main focus of what we do. Actually, we began in 2004 with just our own finances and the support of a few. We did not even have our first fundraiser until last year. (It was a golf outing...and we will be doing it again this year...details to come soon!)

In the beginning, donations came here and there and God always has met our needs. He is faithful to provide and we trust Him to meet our needs. What we have learned is that He often does meet our needs through His people...and that sometimes people need to know there is a need. So, I am humbly learning that fundraisers can be an opportunity to share with willing hearts that there is a need, and that God blesses both the giver and the receiver in the process! Plus, asking others to support Sufficient Grace Ministries is not something I am doing for me...to exalt myself in any way. It is something I am doing because of our vision to reach out to offer comfort and support to grieving families. We do not charge bereaved parents for our products or services. And we desire to keep it that way. The reality is that there are costs, and in order to continue meeting the growing needs of families, we do need to raise funds. We are not currently funded by any government organizations, just willing, generous hearts of our supporters. We do also receive some of funding from suggested donations we ask for our products when a hospital, photographer, funeral home, or other organization orders our products. (That is why you see a suggested donation amount listed.) We do not profit from that...all proceeds are used to give more products and supports to the families who come to us from all around the country. O.K....so along with this warning that I will be blogging about our upcoming fundraising events, I also have something to ask all of you.

Number one...please pray the Lord's guidance, blessing, and provision on the upcoming fundraising events.

Number two...if the Lord leads you to donate to support our ministry, there will be various ways to do so coming up...even if you are not local. And, you can always click on our Donate button on the right sidebar. Donations are tax deductible. We are a legally recognized 501 c 3 non-profit organization.

Number three...In addition to the "in real life" fundraiser opportunities, I would like to do a bloggy fundraiser or two. Does anyone out there have any ideas or is anyone willing to help with that? Maybe a chip in/giveaway/raffle type thing? I'm open to suggestions. And willing hearts to spread the word when the time comes.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your love and support.

Sweet Baby James

You may have read the story of our Faith, Grace, and Thomas. You may have read about the man voice. But, I haven't really shared the story of my youngest son, James. You've seen his second grade smile. You may know a tale or two of his lively little boy ways. But today, on this walk down memory lane, I want to share about his beginning. His amazing, miraculous beginning. We talk a lot here about the beauty of sufficient grace. The story of our sweet baby James is another piece of our tapestry full of beautiful grace. I hope you'll walk with me a little while this Wednesday...

Several months ago, I was tucking James into bed and reading from his children's bible. The bible story shared a miracle. Sadly, I cannot remember the exact miracle, but I do remember our conversation. We were praying for healing for a sick baby and comfort for grieving moms.

James said, "Mom, that was back in the bible time. Jesus doesn't do miracles like that anymore."

"Oh, really?" I replied with raised eyebrows. "I'm looking at a real live miracle right now!"

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Well, when you were growing in my tummy, you were very sick."

"Like Faith, and Grace and Thomas??"

"Well, kind of. Timothy and Daddy and Mommy prayed for a baby to come to our house and stay. Faith, Grace, and Thomas went to heaven and we were very sad because we missed them. And then came you. But the doctors found a little tear near the placenta...the part that feeds the baby while in the mommy's tummy. And the doctors said that there was a 50% chance that you may not live."

"Really?"

"Yes...and we waited and prayed. God healed you...and you are here today. So, Mr. James...God still definitely does miracles. I'm looking at one. It's you!"

"Wow...I guess He does still does do miracles." He smiled and sat a little taller. "He let me stay!" He grinned.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After we said goodbye to our twin daughters, Faith and Grace, and less than 2 years later our son Thomas, we were not sure if we would have any more children. I longed for a baby to fill our house with joy and to fill my aching empty arms. But, we didn't know if we could endure another loss. And pregnancy is very hard on my body, as well. Carrying our twins has left me with compromised health in some areas that make pregnancy very difficult for me.

Then, I discovered I was expecting a baby. And, I determined from the very beginning that I wanted to allow hope and joy...knowing that this would probably be our last chance to carry a child. I wanted to cherish every moment of this life, no matter how much time we were given.

The stress on our marriage at the time was insurmountable. We were struggling with grief and fear. Three months into the pregnancy, I started bleeding. I went to the hospital and the ER technician said that there was some sort of tear in the placenta.
We went to Dr. M in the morning, and he said that there was a subchorion hematoma. There was a 50% chance that it would resolve itself or a 50% chance that I would lose the baby. Preterm labor is also a concern. Well, I had been given 20% with Faith and Grace. And less than 1% with Thomas. So, 50% was a little scary, but it was better odds than we had seen in awhile.

I went home, still determined to hope...still clinging in prayer. Holding on to whatever shreds of joy I could grasp.

I continued to bleed...continued to pray...continued to wonder and wait.

And, several weeks into the journey, that would have felt precarious without the bleeding and percentages, I stopped bleeding. The baby boy within my womb grew and thrived. There was not too much amniotic fluid...and not too little. I held my breath and lived from ultrasound to ultrasound.

We had a baby shower. And Tim put together the swing and the bouncy seat. It was a big step...a giant step to fill our house with baby things. For us, it would never again be a guarantee that a pregnancy meant a baby would come to live at our house. But we did prepare a bedroom...and I continued to hope. It was a battle to hold on to hope and joy...a daily, consuming battle.

But on a sunny day in May, ...our sweet baby James was born after a grueling labor and a lot of pushing. I didn't hear the cry at first. The cry I had longed to hear for several years.

"Make him cry, Dr. M.... I don't hear a cry!" Familiar panic tightened around my throat and squeezed my palpitating heart.

And then...it came, filling the room with it's glory, surrounding me like a healing balm. The sweetest sound on this earth...the sound of a newborn baby cry...the sound of new life...my baby...my sweet, sweet baby...alive and crying in my arms. Tim looked stunned as James was placed in his arms. "Stunned" soon gave way to joy. We had a baby boy! A boy who had come to stay! Timothy came and held his brother...finally, he would not be denied. This baby would be coming home with us...to complete our family.

And...he most certainly did. There have been some little health quirks along the way for James, but he is for the most part a healthy, active boy. And again I say, "Those who sow in tears will with reap with songs of joy."

And we did...and we are...reaping with songs of joy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little note on this: God's miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes God calms the storm...sometimes He quiets the child. Sometimes He gives physical healing on this earth...sometimes He heals by taking a soul to heaven - the ultimate, complete, and permanent healing. They are all miracles. The teenager that grows as we speak (blog) made us parents and is truly a miracle. The three sweet babies who spend their days dancing in heaven are most certainly valued miracles whose lives have touched thousands, and whose lives were used to draw us closer to the Lord and show us more of who He is. And, sweet baby James, who beat the odds and was "allowed to stay" (as both boys have said) with us is most certainly a miracle. But none is more precious or valued than the other. We know that we don't always get the earthly miracle. We know that...and when we don't, His grace is sufficient to carry us...and even that...even the beauty that comes from such hideous ashes...the beauty of a changed heart, a changed life...is truly a miracle, indeed. Maybe the most beautiful miracle of all...

A Little Love and Encouragement

Welcome to this week's Tuesdays Together in the Word. To join us, please click on the button below:



I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ...
Philippians 1:3-6

I love the body of Christ. Love my church family. Love the ladies (and the gentlemen) who serve with me in ministry. Love the mothers who join me in lifting weekly prayers for our children at Moms in Touch. I love the total strangers I have met in blog land who pray for, encourage, inspire, and walk with me. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I thank my God upon every remembrance of you. And I do pray for you, joyfully and fervently. What fellowship we have in the gospel, in the good news of Jesus.

And...I love the next part. Love this promise. He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ. He is not finished with us yet. He began the work in us...the process of making us a new creation in Him. And He will not quit until we are complete. That's a promise. He is working in our lives. Weaving a tapestry, using everything that comes into our lives to complete His good work. There are moments of amazing joy and victory...moments of great, heartwrenching sorrow and defeat. There are lessons learned. Sins and repentance. Our tears, our laughter, our will...all part of the tapestry. Our quirks, our strengths, our weaknesses, our dreams, our longings, every thought, every desire of our hearts...woven together. And, oh...what a beautiful tapestry it will be when the master Creator finishes His good work. How beautiful we already are to the One who sees us as we will be...not as we are in our unfinished state.

Can I just say that out in the cold selfish world, we don't often hear such loving sentiments? We don't often hear that we are treasured, that someone is grateful for our part in their lives, and that we are prayed for. This is not so among the body of Christ. After Paul thanks God for his fellow believers, he prays further. We see the love in the body of Christ in Paul's words: And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and in all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. ~ Philippians 1:9-11 What if we prayed this way for one another? What if the world actually operated with such love and respect for one another? Even within the body of Christ, we don't always operate in this way...we don't always encourage and pray. Sometimes, sadly our words are even discouraging. Lord, help us to have a heart that loves this way...a spirit that encourages. May we spur one another on.

There is so much about encouraging and truly loving one another in sweet unity in these verses in Philippians.

Stand fast in unity...worthy conduct...strength in numbers...
Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may heart of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversaries... Phil. 1:27-28

And specific instructions on how to treat one another...
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. ~ Phil. 2:1-4

There are so many more nuggets...wisdom exhorting us to do all things without complaining or disputing. (As a mama, I have used these words many times to exhort my little men - and to remind myself when the "I dont' wannas" overtake me!) But I want to leave you with this. Many who read this blog have suffered terrible loss. Many come with broken hearts due to various struggles. The following verse reminded me of the hope we have in Jesus...that He doesn't waste anything in our lives...that He has plans that are good, a future and a hope for us.

No matter what we face. If there is one purpose in our lives, one truth, one goal, one theme, let it be this:
But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel... ~ Philippians 1:12

In all things, may He be glorified...and may He draw us closer still...and may more come to know His saving grace...

Love to you all...

Aye, Aye, Aye...a Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Aye, Aye, Aye! That's all I can say about the sad events that have NOT transpired on the golf course the past couple weeks. On Mother's Day, I did NOT skip unto the golf course with my pink golf bag and matching pink accessories with high hopes for some good golf and quality family time.

I did NOT proceed to play as if I've never touched a golf club before, instead of playing like someone who has attended the Women's Golf Clinic three years in a row and who golfs weekly...in a couples league. No way...that was NOT me.

I did NOT continue to play horrendously and want to shout and say words I don't normally say! I did NOT proceed to get increasingly irritable as my ball would sadly roll just a few feet in front of me with each wholehearted swing attempt. When I totalled the score card at the end of the round, it was not determined to be quite arguably the worst game in the history of my extensive (read: pathetic) golf career. Furthermore, my eight year old son did NOT legitimately and quite heartily beat me...on Mother's Day...dashing my high hopes for a good day of golf. The Tims did NOT thoroughly enjoy the display!

And...this weekend, I did NOT have a repeat performance of the aforementioned worst golf day ever...during couples league...at our home course...where other human beings could witness my demise. Of course...that's impossible. There is no way to golf this hopelessly bad two weeks in a row. I did NOT golf worse than when I began the game. It was NOT like playing crochet or ping pong (if you count the balls ricocheting off the trees when they did make it in the air...and coming right back at me!) I did NOT state rather definitively more than once that I hate golf and will never play again. I did NOT almost break the cardinal rule of golf..."There's no crying on the golf course" more than once. Tim did NOT proclaim that I almost really was playing crochet when the ball almost went through two sign posts on a tiny sign. The ball did not instead ricochet off the sign and fly to the right on the side of a hill. I did NOT laugh hysterically at Tim's proclamation...so hard I could barely swing the club. The scenery was NOT so beautiful that it took my breath away...and I did NOT thoroughly enjoy the time with my Tim, despite the stench of my golf game.

I did NOT seriously consider naming this post, "Why I Hate Golf". (Remember the post when I pledged my undying love to this wretched sport?) And I most certainly did NOT beg my husband to call and get me a lesson with Tony at the Golf Shop before I set foot on the course again. No way...I would never.

You will NOT find me in the yard trying desperately to correct the problem when I should be doing the laundry. I will NOT be the one with the bandaid on my ring finger covering the spot where the skin ripped off yesterday from swinging the club too many times. After all, it's only a game. I wouldn't let something so minor get to me! No way...NOT ME!

Have a great NOT ME! MONDAY, all...thanks for stopping by!