Wearing Out

I don't know if I've written here how sad it makes me when things change. Some changes are good. But, I'm not talking about the good kind. I am sad that bodies wear out, that stuff breaks, new gets old, and gold loses it's luster. I may have even written how much I like the stability of things staying the same. I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm too tired and worn out to search my posts and see if I've shared my love for this sleepy little railroad town where I grew up, or the school that I attended as a girl, where I am currently employed. In fact, next year my son will have the same third grade teacher that I had in third grade.

Some of our dearest friends have been our friends since we were twelve. Some...even longer. They know everything about us. Some, I wish knew a little less than they do! When James and I take a bike ride, we take the same route over the same bridge where I rode when I was a little girl, dreaming my summer dreams. (Timothy used to ride with me, too...but you know little boys don't stay little and some get too cool to go on bike rides with their mom...another sad truth. =) As a matter of fact, Timothy just had his first driving experience yesterday, after getting his permit. That deserves it's own post, let me tell you.

I have grown more fond of things staying the same...of memories from a simpler time...especially since my mom went home to heaven. I find myself looking around, soaking it all in, breathing in each moment. Sometimes I'm caught somewhere between the memories flooding my mind and the present moments I want to soak in for future memories.

One of my favorite summer past times is to float on my back in my mom's swimming pool. I would look at the blue sky and the trees blowing in the breeze. It was calming to look at things that have always been there. Peace would settle in my heart at the thought that I was looking at the same blue sky and green trees that have always been there...floating in the same water as when I was a little girl (back when we used to listen for the boys to ride by on their mopeds!). It had some sort of soothing effect on my heart. It was as if for just a moment, the world seemed right again. Not everything had changed. Sometimes, it almost felt like mom was just inside napping and she could walk out the door any minute. And James could say, "Look what I can do, Mama!" as he did a cannonball off the side. I would close my eyes and smile.

Maybe I've said some of this before...I don't know. If so, I'm sure I said it better than I'm saying it now. I'm a little rambly (Monica says it's a word...so I'm using it!) and nostalgic. My boy is driving a car. My mom isn't here to share it with. And, only she would truly share it with me, you know? And, the swimming pool where I have spent many a summer...including the beginning of this summer...has worn out. It is now completely taken down and will not be replaced. I will never float on my back in it's soothing waters again.

And, I feel like another part of me has died. Another chapter has closed. I know that things wear out and change. Bodies wear out. Swimming pools don't last. Nothing on this earth lasts forever.

And...I'm sorry if I sound a little sad...but I guess I am. It's a little sad all the wearing out that goes on this side of heaven. One of my favorite things about heaven (besides spending eternity with my Savior and my loved ones) will be that we never have to say good-bye. Nothing will ever wear out again.

Several weeks ago, our church had a baptism at our friends' house. They have a swimming pool. Our church does full immersion baptism...so we used their pool. Tim and I had the privilege of sharing the worship songs. It was a lovely time of fellowship and fun after the baptisms took place. (Of course, I cried through each one because almost nothing gets my heart like seeing a changed life in Christ! I love me a good baptism, yes ma'am!) We sat around talking and laughing until well after most people had left. Tim and Pastor James exchanging their little one-liners like usual... Pastor James amusing himself at the antics of the Gerken family...All of our little quirks, like what Tim's favorite breakfast food is. (I can almost guarantee you could never guess what it is!) It was great fun...and I wished it could never end.

For just a moment, I was thinking of what the fellowship might be like in heaven. The laughing and celebrating. The enjoying each other. And, the best part...it will never have to end. Of course, I'm sure it will be way better, even. Exceedingly and abundantly better, if I know anything about the amazing God we serve.

You know what else I was thinking? Well...I'll tell you anyway. I was thinking that people don't sit in each other's back yards sipping lemonade and laughing together anymore. No time to just swing on the porch swing and tell tales until the lightning bugs appear. I was watching Steel Magnolias the other day (I know...it was just on the TV, O.K.! And, O.K. the truth is "laughter through tears", as Dolly so eloquently put it, might just be my favorite emotion, too...O.K.?!) and I was noticing how much the women gathered together to talk and hang out...to share life.(Yes...I know it's a movie...but women have gathered together in times past.) I wish we did that more in our society today. The other night, I took a walk and chatted with a friend. It felt so good. We need each other. But women aren't gathering as much, anymore.

I think that's why I love this blog world. We aren't gathering in back yards as much, but we can gather here. And, the gathering can be even bigger! I guess this is like our gathering place where we can sort out our feelings and share our lives...where we can shed tears and give virtual hugs, where we can share victories and sorrows, prayer requests and praises...where we can give and receive love and encouragement. I'm so glad I've come to this gathering of women who are so dear to my heart.

Thank you for letting me into your back yard...for sitting on my back porch...for showing me love...and letting me love you...

Thanks for listening...