Jesus is Way Better Than Santa

I was just talking to a sweet friend of mine. She and I were talking about how we wish Santa were real. This Christmas has been a hard one for so many. Wouldn't it be nice, she thought, if Santa were real? Then, we could just enjoy the excitement of Christmas like when we were children and not feel the burdens and concerns we have as adults. I have thought that, too. On Christmas morning, she awoke to find someone had surprised her family with bags full of amazing gifts. Realizing the One who provided these gifts to her family...the One who laid it on the hearts of those who gave so generously...her story ended with the proclamation, "Jesus is way better than Santa!"

I just read the awesome news that baby Stellan, who we have been praying fervently for, is doing better. The joy in Mckmama's post was shining through every word as she shared the good news with her readers. Stellan's story is one of hope and healing and miracles. And to this, I say...Jesus is way better than Santa! For, we serve a God of grace and mercy...a God of peace and hope...The Great Physician who is able to restore us inside and out...who can and does make all things beautiful in His time. Sometimes, He calms the storm...sometimes, He quiets the child. He gives and He takes away. But in all of it...His love for us is evident...His plans for us are perfect...and His grace is sufficient...always.

Rejoicing with you Mckmama...and continuing in prayer for complete healing and restoration for sweet baby Stellan. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of walking with you!

Attempting a "Not Me Monday"

My Charming Kids is the home of Not Me Monday. I can't get my graphic to link right, due to my extreme lack of bloggy-techno-savvy. (Or, since it's a Not Me Monday...my extreme bloggy-techno-expertise!) Anyway, here is my attempt...

Last Sunday at church, we did not lose our electricity due to an ice storm. We did not wake up late for church and then proceed to frantically scramble to make it on time. It wasn't the day of the Christmas program that the children had been practicing for the last two months. And it most certainly was not like camping and then putting on your Sunday best to attend church. And, of course, I did not insist that we wear our Christmas outfits...including for me, panty hose, a black skirt, and a satin red shirt adorned with rinestones...even though it was a windchill of twenty six below zero. Not me! Never! And I would never grumble at my husband as I scrambled into the car, tearing a run in my hose. I did not blame him for the run...because he was rushing me! I have a gentle and quiet spirit. I don't do things like that!

There is no way it was me seen sliding across the church parking lot, which resembled an ice rink more than a parking lot. It must have been someone else.
My hair was washed and styled with a flat iron, just like every morning. I did not try to tease and spray the morning mess I woke up with Sunday morning! No way! I have it together...especially on Christmas program day. It must have been someone else. Because it most certainly was NOT ME!

* On a more serious note: Please keep baby Stellan and his MckFamily in your prayers.

Our New Look and a Big Thank You...

If you've visited before, you've probably noticed that we have a new look! Thank you so much to Danielle at Blogs by Danielle for our beautiful new blog. I love how she incorporated our family picture and the footprints of our Faith, Grace, and Thomas into the header...love the colors, love the design...just love it all! Danielle is a true artist and I so appreciate her work.

We also want to give a huge thank you to Raechel Feehan for the beautiful family photos in our header and on the sidebar. Raechel is just branching out into the photography business, and she did a wonderful job "capturing" our family. It is truly a blessing to have friends like Raechel. And, if you are a regular reader, you know how excited I get to see how God uses others to work together for His purpose, and to bless others with the gifts and abilities they have been given to share.

And, while we're giving thanks...I just wanted to add a special thank you to all those who help create Dreams of You Memory products for Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women. Thank you to Cindy Roller for making the beautiful infant gowns for little ones who leave this earth too soon. Thank you to the team at Helping Hands Ministry, led by Kaye Shively for all the love and prayers they put into sewing our Comfort Bears. We also give thanks to Marlene Carpenter from Creations From the Heart for the beautiful memorial bracelets she makes for mommies and babies. Thank you to Dawn Marshall for her encouragement, support, friendship, and dedication to serving grieving families...not just as a NILMDTS coordinator and photographer...but as my dear friend. We are so grateful to our church family at Harvest Fellowship...to our supporters and friends...to those who participated in our Sufficient Grace Ministries Golf Outing...to our participating hospitals: Defiance Regional Medical Center, Lima Memorial, Henry County Hospital, St. Luke's Hospital. Thank you to Shipman Advertising for printing our Dreams of You Memory Books. Thank you to Tim, Tracy, and Becki for giving your time, love, encouragment, resources and support. Thank you, Lynette for your prayers. Thank you to our new blog friends for your support and encouragement and for sharing our ministry with others in need. And to anyone else I've failed to mention...we are so grateful to everyone for their generosity and willing hearts.

Please continue to keep our efforts to offer comfort and hope to grieving families in prayer as we say goodbye to 2008 and look forward to the coming year. We look forward to serving with all of you in 2009.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace.
Philippians 1:3-7

For Unto Us a Child is Born...

This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart, burdened with all the things I've been saying are not important...all the worldly demands of the Christmas preparations. The busyness...wondering if we're giving our kids enough stuff...the same stuff I tell them isn't important. "Jesus is what matters", I say. And, yet...there I was letting the stuff matter.

My heavy heart wandered, not just to the silly worldly concerns, but to deeper hurts and disappointments. Those missing someone they love. Families struggling with finances. Broken families. Broken hearts. Those with health concerns. All the imperfections in our Christmas "picture". All the noise threatened to overshadow the quiet hope and peace of the miracle of His birth.

I opened my bible and this was the beginning of the first verse in today's devotion (Isaiah 9:1-7):
Nevertheless the gloom will not be upon her who is distressed... (Is. 9:1a)

I read on...
The people who walked in darkness
Have seen a great light;
Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death,
Upon them a light has shined. (Is. 9:2)

And then...
For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace
There shall be no end. (Is. 9:6)

His peace washed over me once more, and the things of this earth grew "strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

Just like the song says:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of this earth,
Will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Christmas Tour of Homes 2008

Merry Christmas From the Gerken Family


It's so nice of you to visit us on the BooMama Christmas Tour of Homes 2008. Welcome to our little home. It's small and humble, but filled with love...especially this time of year as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior...reflecting on the miracle that He came.

Our tree is filled with ornaments that hold special memories of those we love. There are ornaments in memory of our babies in heaven (Faith, Grace, and Thomas) and ornaments made by the boys who fill our house with life. There are homemade ornaments from my mother's tree, nativity ornaments, and ornaments from our first Christmas together. Something to represent all those that we love and hold dear...even a couple Cleveland Browns ornaments are hidden in the mix.








The Willow Tree Nativity Set was given to me by my mother on our last Christmas together before she passed away, after a difficult fourteen-month-long battle with cancer. The cross stitch picture was made by my mom, and given as a gift to my fourth grade teacher (many years ago!). Last year, I worked in that same teacher's classroom with a special needs student. I was missing mom so much, and my former teacher (and now a dear friend) surprised me with the framed cross stitch. What a gift to treasure...something my mother made with her hands. And what a special blessing that the teacher had kept it all these years.





After an unfortunate peanut blossom blunder, we decided to refer to Gerken Baking Day 2008 as the Great Gerken Baking Debacle 2008. A flour fight rejuvenated our spirits, and the baking continued until every last buckeye was dipped, every last reindeer nose was put into place, and a second batch of peanut blossoms turned out just right. Pictured below: Sarah (my sort of step-mother-in-law and annual Gerken Baking Day partner), James, and me... following the flour fight, of course!



Pictured below: The surviving batch of peanut blossoms and Swirled Holiday Snowball Cookies...



Swirled Holiday Snowball Cookies
Recipe from the Nestle Swirled Holiday Chips (premier white morsels) Bag
Visit VeryBestBaking.com or Nestleusa.com

For more Christmas Tidings from our family to yours, please click to read this post: The Perfect Christmas

The Perfect Christmas

"Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel," which is translated, "God with us."
Matthew 1:23

I have spent many years searching for the elusive perfect Christmas. Some years, I have agonized over the perfect Christmas picture. I have tried to create the perfect Christmas memories...perfect Christmas cookies...searched for the perfect Christmas gifts. In past years, stress would overwhelm me as I looked at the calendar and tried to squeeze everyone and everything in. I resented the demands on our time...the running around, trying to please everyone in our large extended family. Don't get me wrong...I love Christmas. Love Jesus. Love the celebration...the decorations...the expectation. I just wanted it all to fit into my perfect picture.

Last year, as I stomped around whining that everyone else was stealing my Christmas again, a very wise friend reminded me that it wasn't my Christmas. She gently pointed out, "Christmas belongs to Jesus."

There was some pondering over that last year as I looked at the madness surrounding me in the days leading up to Christmas. I noticed the frantic looks on the faces of those rushing around to make it all just right. And I noticed something else when I stopped long enough to look. Where was Jesus in all the rushing about to satisfy my desires for the perfect family picture...the searching for the perfect gifts...the perfect memories? Where was He when we rushed around from family dinner to family dinner filling our senses to the brim with food and presents galore?

Last Christmas, when I stopped long enough to listen, He reminded me that there was a way to take Jesus with us as we went from house to house. He need not be left out of the baking, the shopping, the eating, the visiting, the gift-giving. His love could fill every moment, every act of preparing for our marathon of Christmas dinners. He reminded me that it's about loving the people we are given to love...no matter how imperfect our picture may be. It is a privilege to be a vessel of His love. A privilege to have people to love. A gift...to be treasured, not squandered or overlooked.

This Christmas, He has filled my heart with peace as I look at the full calendar before me. Peace and joy in place of stress and resentment. There are people to love. And even more than that, I am reminded of the ultimate gift this Christmas. And, in laying down my perfect Christmas picture, He has given me the answer to my search.

This year, I am in awe of the most perfect gift of all. If you've been reading lately, you've heard me speak of the miracle that Jesus came for us. Most of the time, the noise of the preparation and celebration is so loud and busy that I lose sight of the miracle of His gift to us. Somehow, this year, the miracle that He came is shining so brightly that all the rest of the earthly glitter of this season has dulled in comparison.

Immanuel...His very name means "God With Us". God...with...us. He didn't leave us lost and hopeless in our sin and sorrow. He came to redeem us, to restore us, to save us. We have hope because He came.

Whatever piece of your perfect Christmas picture is missing, I pray you are blessed this Christmas to know that there is hope in the One who loved you enough to scale the bounds of Heaven and Earth to come for you. And He would have come, even if you were the only one that needed saving.

These are hard times. So many people are hurting. So many Christmas pictures are missing someone who was loved and treasured. So many families full of strife and sorrow. So many people worried about how they will provide for their families in the uncertain economy. So much brokenness in this imperfect world...but one simple truth shines a light in the darkness. One promise that is perfect...One gift that cannot be taken away, no matter what happens...

The gift...that He came.

He came...to seek and save that which was lost.
He came...to set the captives free.
He came...that we may have life and have it more abundantly.
He came...to preach good tidings to the poor.
He came...to heal the brokenhearted.
He came...to make beauty from ashes.


I hope you don't mind my quoting a previous post to close. It bears repeating:

More than two thousand years ago, the world ached for salvation, swelled with yearning for deliverance, redemption, restoration...for a Savior to rescue from sin and death. And He came...a baby King, born in a lowly stable on a quiet night to a peasant girl and her betrothed...a carpenter. He was in the still, small voice when He whispered past Elijah. And He was in the quiet stable birth when He came to rescue us and sent His angels to tell the lowly shepherds the good news.

His name is Jesus...and He came for me.

His name is Jesus...and He came for you.

And Because He came...there is hope for tomorrow and a promise of a joyful, forever reunion. He will wipe away all of the tears and wash away the loss and regret. He will cleanse and forgive and clothe us in robes of white. The empty arms will be filled. The hungry hearts will be fed. Brokenness will be restored. Mourning will be turned to dancing. And sin and death will be no more.

Because He came...He will carry us through this life.

And because He came...He will come again...in all His glory...to take us home.

May you be blessed and in awe of the miracle of the Perfect Christmas Gift this year.

Our Haven

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.
Psalm 107: 28-30

Whatever the trouble you face today, cry out to the Lord...He will bring you out of your distress. Whatever storm swirls around your life today...He can still it to a whisper. Whatever sea of pain, grief, doubt or fear threatens to steal your hope and your joy today...he can hush the tumultuous waves. However lost you may feel...He will guide you to your desired haven.

My heart is heavy today for those who are facing this holiday season without someone they love...for the mothers and fathers without their babies, for the children without their mothers, for the children without their fathers, for the sisters without their brothers, for the husbands without their wives and the wives without their husbands, for the families shattered by divorce, regret, debt, unfaithfulness, loss, depression...for the longing hearts of those still waiting for their family to begin, for the disappointed, the lost, those still waiting with dreams unfulfilled, for those we love that are battling cancer and other illnesses that plague our earthly bodies.

Whoever you are and whatever you face...there is hope today for you. There is One who can carry you through the storm, who will hold unto you in the tumultuous sea. One who will guide you to the peace you desire...to the haven of peace you long for. That haven is never far away from those who call on the name of Jesus...for the haven you desire waits for you in His loving arms.

Praying God's comfort, grace, hope, and peace for so many caught in the storm today...He will carry you...

Snow Days

Today was a blessed event at our house. You may have heard the whoops and hollers of glee as we jumped on our beds this morning. It was a Snow Day! One of life's most glorious gifts. Time to sleep in. Time to snuggle in. Time to make snow angels in the snow...(even if there's barely two inches on the ground and the grass is peeking out). Time to sled down the reservoir hills (I still scream and laugh all the way down!) Time for snow ice cream. And time for hot chocolate with marshmallows on top and the special mugs with the snowman lids reserved for just such an occasion. Time to do whatever we want.
Time...

So often, I'm rushing around saying..."We don't have time" for this or that. We have... Rushed time. Scheduled time. Church time. Ministry time. Practice time. Work time. School time. Homework time. Tee time. Chores time. Story/Devotional time. Prayer time. And Bedtime. Sometimes it feels like... No time!

But a snow day stops the world at our house. A snow day means...Free time, Family time, Fun time. Time to stop and watch the snowflakes, and maybe catch a few on our tongues as we marvel at the creativity of our Creator. Time to allow the sound of our children's laughter to soak into our soul, cherishing the moment and thanking God for the gift of their lives. Time to referee their arguments and realize that the time will come when I will have a quiet house and will miss even the chaos that I too quickly wish away and grow irritated with. Time for teachable moments. Time for rest. Time to care for our home and keep some semblance of order. Time to think, to dream, to reflect, to remember. Time to pray and worship with a grateful heart. Ahh...time.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of Snow Days...thank you Lord, for today.

Give Thanks

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

In everything, give thanks. In. Every. Thing.

In the valley of sorrow...give thanks. In the sea of grief...give thanks. In the storm...give thanks. Weeping may endure for a night...give thanks. Ashes in the brokenness...give thanks. Mountains of laundry and cleaning to do in the next 24 hours...give thanks. A turkey that may or may not be thawed by tomorrow morning...give thanks. A less-than-perfect family holiday picture...give thanks. A little house that desperately needs cleaning (as I sit blogging instead)...give thanks.

Jesus came and He will come again...give thanks. He brings comfort for the sorrow...give thanks. He holds on to us in the sea of grief...give thanks. He shelters from the storm, and He tells the storm "Be still" when it's time...give thanks. Joy comes in the morning...give thanks. Beauty is born in the ashes of brokenness...give thanks. There's a family that belongs to this mountain of laundry, giggling, wrestling, ornery-grinning boys filling my house with life...give thanks. There will be turkey and other delicacies in abundance to fill us...give thanks. And there will be football, oh yes...there will be football...give thanks. There are people in that less-than-perfect holiday picture - people Jesus came for, people He died for, people He loves, people He's given us to love...give thanks. This little house is warm and filled with joy and love, and the people I am blessed to walk through this life with...give thanks.


This year, especially, I give thanks...

For my Jesus and His daily gift of sufficient grace.

For my husband's hands rough from years of hard work, folded in prayer on Sunday morning...teaching Timothy to hunt and hold a golf club, showing James how to cast the fishing pole in the perfect spot, playing his guitar, playing catch with both boys...his hands, holding on to mine.

For our boys as they grow and enter new seasons of life...what a blessing and privilege to witness it all...to be their mama. For the young men they are and the young men they will become. For the promises God gives us in His word for their future. For their laughter...the music that fills our home. (When not being drowned out by the sound of their arguing, of course.)For their health. For the joy in their victories and the lessons in their losses. For the lessons I've learned as I peek into the window of boy world.

For our church...and the body of Christ in general. For the love of Jesus displayed in His people...for the beauty of seeing the way God uses the body of believers to work together to fulfill His purposes.

For Sufficient Grace Ministries...the privilege of being used in whatever capacity the Lord allows to offer His comfort and hope to the broken-hearted. For the lives of Faith and Grace and Thomas...for the lives of all the little ones whose mommies and daddies still dream of until they meet again...lives that mattered...lives with a purpose. For the mothers I've met...the mothers who are walking the journey...mothers we are honored to walk with through the valley of sorrow. For those who serve with us, using their gifts...their time...their resources to bless and comfort bereaved parents. For those who support us with their prayers, encouragement, and resources. For God's hand leading, guiding, growing, nurturing, and providing for every step of the journey. What a mighty God we serve!

For friends...friends I've known since I was twelve, friends I pray with, friends I eat Chinese with, friends I shop with, friends in blog world and in real life, friends I've met in the valleys, friends who've come and gone, friends who come back, friends I work with, phone friends, friends who laugh, friends who will walk with us through sorrow and joy...friends who already have.

For family...the family that fills this home, my haven. For the family related by blood, and the "extras" who've entered into this fold. For the scattered pieces and for the pieces He has put back together again. For the ones who are with us, and for the ones who are Home with the Lord.

For an overflowing cup...give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving...may your cup overflow with the beauty of His grace.

Cardboard Testimony

On Amy's amazing blog, Chapters, she recently posted about Cardboard Testimonies. I want to share the video with you, but due to my extreme lack of bloggy-techno savvy, I will just direct you to the link below, so that you can view the video on Amy's blog. Please take a moment to watch this beautiful video...you may want to grab some tissues first.

Amy's Cardboard Testimony


My Cardboard Testimony






Broken...Restored and Redeemed

My grace is sufficient for you; for My strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:8

For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
Job 19:25

Held Captive...Forever Free, Forgiven, and Loved

When the Lord brought back the captivity of Zion,
We were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
And our tongue with singing.
Then they said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us,
And we are glad.

Bring back our captivity, O Lord,
As the streams in the South.

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy. (some versions say..."with songs of joy")
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
Psalm 126

Lost in the Ashes of our Grief...Found in His Beautiful, Sufficient Grace

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
Isaiah 61:1-3

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.
Psalm 30:11-12

His name is Jesus...and He came for me.
His name is Jesus...and He came for you.

I'd love to hear from you...What's your cardboard testimony?

He Came...

In a quiet church, almost fifteen years ago, two young kids made a promise to love, honor, and obey. Like two sparrows in a hurricane, they held hands, shaking under the weight of the promise and unaware of what would be required of them.
And He Came...

Weeping on the floor of their one bedroom apartment...overwhelmed with the loneliness of a little girl lost and the consuming responsibility of being a wife and mother, she cried out to Him.
And He came...

On the first silent snowfall, on a cold November day, they held each other and wondered how they were supposed to say good-bye. Forever changed, robbed of the invincibility of youth, robbed of a lifetime of dreams and moments, and all the blessings two little girls would bring.
And He came...

They stood in the hallway of the hospital as her tears fell in unison with the raindrops trickling down the window pane. How could this be? How can they walk this journey once more knowing it will end not with the joyous sound of a newborn cry but with the heart wrenching emptiness of another good-bye? Presented with a hopeless outcome, an impossible choice, and the mocking question..."Where is your God now?" They drove home in the storm.
And He came...

She prayed and searched day and night for the answers, the evidence that He hadn't turned His back on His two sparrows, leaving them to the merciless destruction of the hurricane. She wept from the unspeakable depths of a mother's heart. Fumbling around in the darkness, she searched for Him. Every step was taken blindly, surrounded by fog so thick, she couldn't tell if her next step would be the one to send her over the edge of the cliff. Would He catch them if they fell?
And He came...

Another silent birth on a warm day in July, they met their fourth child...their second son. They said hello and good-bye.
And He came...

Storms of rage and regret, disappointment and grief, rolled in as the clouds of darkness and doubt, bitterness and pain surrounded them. When the winds of the hurricane threatened fierce and certain destruction, one sparrow flew away and the other remained with broken wings to face the storm.
And He came...

Baby number five...For a moment there was silence, and her heart sank. And then...there it was...life's most precious, miraculous, beautiful sound...the cry of new life...the cry of their baby. They held him and cried in complete awe and gratefulness for the gift of this life.
And He came...

She watched helplessly as her mother painfully and slowly slipped away. As she reassured with promises from His word, they repeated together...He will carry me, He will carry me...and in the depths of her heart, she wondered where He was, and if He would really come.
And He came...



Because He came...
The two sparrows were not alone when they made their commitment to love and cherish each other for all of their days.

Because He came...
She stood up from the floor of their one bedroom apartment, He lifted her head and wiped her tears and gave her courage to begin a new journey.

Because He came...
There was peace in the silent snowfall, beauty in the brokenness, and the hope of the most amazing reunion filled with the unending joys of two little girls who have never known pain, sorrow, regret, sickness, or tears.

Because He came...
There is an answer to the question, "Where is your God now?" There is complete confidence in the sufficient grace of our loving Savior, comfort in the arms of the Comforter, hope in the promise that we will never be forsaken. That His arms are always faithful to carry us. There was strength for the journey. When darkness should have smothered her, joy overcame her at the meeting of her boy...the boy she would only hold for a little while, and yet carry for a lifetime. She felt Him brush past her, and it was almost as if she could just reach out and touch the hem of His garment. Never did she feel His closeness so much, as when He whispered past her to take her sweet boy home. She sang songs of peace and praise as he left her arms. And because He came, one more precious little one will join the forever reunion, with their forever family, in their forever home.


Because He came...
The sparrow flew home, and the other sparrow's broken wings were mended. They learned to hold on tight, so that when the hurricane winds blow, they will not be separated...but held together...closer still.

Because He came...
He carried her mother home just like He said He would, and He carries His sparrows still today...through storms and sunshine, laughter and tears.

More than two thousand years ago, the world ached for salvation, swelled with yearning for deliverance, redemption, restoration...for a Savior to rescue from sin and death. And He came...a baby King, born in a lowly stable on a quiet night to a peasant girl and her betrothed...a carpenter. He was in the still, small voice when He whispered past Elijah. And He was in the quiet stable birth when He came to rescue us and sent His angels to tell the lowly shepherds the good news.

His name is Jesus...and He came for me.

His name is Jesus...and He came for you.

And Because He came...there is hope for tomorrow and a promise of a joyful, forever reunion. He will wipe away all of the tears and wash away the loss and regret. He will cleanse and forgive and clothe us in robes of white. The empty arms will be filled. The hungry hearts will be fed. Brokenness will be restored. Mourning will be turned to dancing. And sin and death will be no more.

Because He came...He will carry us through this life.

And because He came...He will come again...in all His glory...to take us home.

Letting Go...

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.
~ Philippians 3:12-13

There is something no one tells a mother when she is expecting her first bundle of joy, or when she is peacefully nursing her newborn, or even when she is potty training and navigating through the "terrible twos". There is a hint of it the first day her little one toddles off to Kindergarten. A small tearing away, but it is quickly mended when he returns home to the waiting arms of the mama he still needs and adores. Otherwise, we mothers are oblivious to what is coming. We think when these children enter our lives and consume our hearts that we will always be mothering them. They will always be in our care. If we knew, if we really knew what was coming, would we have the courage to embark on this journey?

Here it is...the point of the training of children is that they will one day function as independent, self-sufficient adults.(And of course, not just adults, but adults who are walking closely with the Lord.) And that sounds wonderful, except there is this fire...this upheaval they must walk through first, a mysterious, tumultuous, dangerous place between child and adult. During that time, there is a tearing away that must be done on the part of the child, and a letting go that seems impossible on the part of the mother.

And so here we are, caught in the vortex of teenage transition. My son is becoming a man. He reminds me more of a young man that the boy I knew. He doesn't talk much and is annoyed by most things I do and almost everything I say. When our kids are young, mom can always make it better with a hug and a band aid or a cookie. Now, there are struggles that I don't even know about and disappointments that I cannot make better...and believe me, no one's asking for my help anyway. I must change the way I relate to him, learn to respect him, to understand and accept the person he is becoming, stepping out of the way while he works through struggles on his own. I will continue to pray for him that God will work in his life to show him the way to walk. And I'm grateful for the honorable young man he is becoming, and the qualities he has been blessed with. Most of all, I need to let go...and that is the hardest part. I don't want him to make mistakes...to suffer through the pain...to be harmed spiritually, emotionally, physically by this world and all the damage it can do. Do I trust God to protect him when he drives off in a car? The first time he goes on a date? When temptation weaves its magic spell before his eyes? Who else can protect him? Certainly not me.

I have been protecting and guarding, fighting the good fight, reminding my boys to be "innocent of what is evil", to guard what their eyes see and all that enters their mind. But, we can't protect forever, and we can't control what is to come. It sounds so easy...let go, trust God. And there it is...that's what faith looks like folks. It's not easy and wrapped up in some little perfect package. Faith grows in the messy, brokenness of our desperation to hold on. It's in the painful, aching of letting go that faith grows. It's in the letting go of what we cannot control and the holding on to the One who is in control. So by the grace of God, I will learn to loosen my grip on this child who never really belonged to me and desperately cling instead to the Lord...the Father who loves him even more than I do. Pray for me as I learn to let go...

What Would Have Been

It was twelve years ago...the first silent snowfall of the year. It was early for such a heavy snow. November 3, 1996. The snow flakes were big and fluffy...perfect. It was as if it were sent just for them. Peace washed over me as I breathed through the next contraction. Focus. Breathe. Push. And silence...as silent as the snow falling outside.

There they were, so tiny and delicate. First Faith...born silently. Then Grace, smaller but less broken. They had their father's nose. They looked like their big brother. I didn't see their brokenness. I saw them as the beautiful girls that God created them to be. They were my daughters, and they were beautiful. One in each arm, I sang Amazing Grace with my mom on one side and Tim on the other. We wept, prayed, and said good-bye.

Over the years, I have dreamt of what Faith and Grace would be doing if they were here with us, and I have wondered what they are doing in heaven right now. I have dreamt of long brown hair with ribbons, little girl giggles, and dresses with lace. Baby dolls and making cookies. All the accessories at the Gymboree store. When Timothy was little, he would dream with me. We would have cupcakes or cookies and sing Happy Birthday. He would say something like, "I bet they would have Barbie pajamas." I love the simple beauty of childlike faith, and I treasured remembering with him.

My world is boy world, and for the most part...I love it. I have embraced it, and cherish all things boy. Love football. Love golf. Love baseball. Love soccer. Love everything they do. I cheer them on, encourage them, resist the urge to run on to the field when they're injured. I pray silently and wish them luck as they go into the woods to hunt...with guns. I fish. To entertain the youngest while the oldest was golfing at a match, I let James see how many locust shells he could put on my lap. I hold frogs, catch lightning bugs, hunt for grasshoppers. And I am grateful for every boy-filled moment of my life.

God has certainly mended my broken heart, and He pours out His sufficient grace for our family each day. The love He has given us...the gratefulness He has taught us. And the legacy He has given to our children...seeing Faith's footprint on every Dreams of You Memory Book and Comfort Bear that touches the heart of grieving moms all over the country...all of those things fall into the category of beauty from ashes. And, oh...how beautiful it is...the joy after the storm. The peace that comes from being carried. Knowing, really knowing that no matter what, Jesus will never leave us or forsake us...knowing that when we walk through the fiery furnace, He will be there in the midst of it, and we will not get burned. And friends, the only way for us to really know that, is to have walked through the fire and to have experienced His grace. That's where faith grows...in the valleys of sorrow...in the fiery furnaces. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. ~ Ephesians 2:8

Still, even now there are pangs of yearning for my daughters and sorrow over what might have been. Identical twin daughters is quite a unique gift that would have brought a lifetime of joy. How fun it would have been to dress them up and have tea parties with Grandma Rutter. We had big dreams for them. I had the nursery picked out and plans for so many dresses. Mom would have made the baptismal gowns just like she's done for all my children. And they would have been breath-taking. Now, twelve years later they would have wanted to experiment with hair and make-up. There would be slumber parties, and even more giggling. Girl hormones would fill our house, clashing with teenage boy hormone-driven tempers. Timothy is fourteen. Faith and Grace would be twelve. Thomas would be ten. And James is seven. Our house would certainly be a happening place (even more than it already is!).

Several years ago, I was looking at some baby girl clothes at a garage sale, when someone said, "You don't have little girls. What are you doing? Just dreaming?" Yes I was just dreaming. I've been dreaming for twelve years. The other day, I stopped to smile at a little girl who was all decked out with accessories. Someone walked by and said, "Don't you wish you had a girl?" I nodded quietly. I still wish I had two girls, but not just any girls...my girls. Then I remember that I was given the gift of two girls, identical twin daughters...girls to carry within me for a short time...to dream about for a lifetime...girls who have been woven into the tapestry of this family...girls who were loved, wanted, prayed for, treasured, and remembered. Girls whose lives have helped offer comfort and hope to hundreds of families through the Dreams of You Memory Book and the Comfort Bears. My girls may not be clothed in ribbons and lace or Gymboree accessories on this earth. But my girls are clothed with the beauty of Heaven and surrounded by the Light of the One who carries me through this life.

And I am grateful for the gift of being their mama...Happy Birthday Faith and Grace! I can just see you having a tea party with Grandma Rutter, and giggling...always giggling.

Missing Her...

It has been two years since my mother went home to be with Jesus. And I still miss her so. I have her tea sets scattered throughout my house, and some are packed away...just in case I ever have the tea party we always talked about. I still want to pick up the phone and call her. I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss the way she fiercely loved her grandkids. She was their safe place...where they were never judged and always loved. I miss putting the ornaments on the tree with her...shopping at Christmas time. I miss her creative ideas and her enthusiasm for making things with her hands, and her heart.

She would love the way her Comfort Bears have gone all over the country (and even Canada) to fill the empty arms of grieving mothers. She would love the team of ladies who work to keep making her Comfort Bears with a grandmother's love and prayers. She would love to hear "Freshman Tim Gerken on the golf course with the low round of the day..." on the radio. She would love to hear about his homecoming dance and reminisce with me about mine. She would love to watch James making a goal at soccer and listen to him trash talk his brother. And maybe she does see and hear those things from Heaven. Maybe she's smiling right now as she rocks her grandbabies. Maybe Faith, Grace, and Thomas are smiling with her as they watch our family.I'm so grateful she is there with Jesus and my babies, and not struggling here with cancer. There is no pain, no sorrow, and no good-byes for her. But still...I miss her so.


When I Look at You...
Written by Kelly Gerken ~ To: Mom, With Love ~ Christmas 2005

When I Look at you all my eyes can see,
Is the beautiful person God created you to be,
No evidence of struggles from years past,
Only the promise of a love that will last,
A love that scaled the bounds of Heaven and Earth,
To come to you on the night of His lowly birth.

You are the Mother who sang my lullabies,
Who comforted my newborn cries,
Who loved me through my ugly years,
And comforted my grown-up fears.

Spirited, Talented, Noble, and True,
You are the woman others admire.
With regal strength you faced adversity,
While you waited so long for the love you desire.

As strong as you are, and as hard as you fought,
It really was the Savior's love you sought.
Until you asked, He waited by your side.
How He ached to comfort you all those nights you cried.
When you were weak, He carried you.
When you prayed, He heard you.
Although you felt alone, He never left you.

Then one day, you took His waiting hand.
Finally, you understand.
The perfect love you searched for,
Was with you all along.
He knows you...He made you...He loves you.
There never was a love so strong.
Every tear of yours He holds close to His heart,
Every moment, He shares a part.

When He looks at you, all His eyes can see,
Is the person He created you to be,
The precious things that make you who you are,
With one act of love, He erased pain's scars.
You are the woman He died for,
So He could be the Savior you live for.

When I look at you all my eyes can see,
Is the person God created you to be,
No evidence of struggles from years past,
Only the promise of a love that will last.
A love that scaled the bounds of Heaven and Earth,
To give you a glorious second birth.

Some Pics

Some of these pics are from summertime (sportstime at our house). You'll notice the pic from Spirit Week. (See the Nothin' Illegal post for more info) The first one is my friend Nicky the Daycare Owner and I at a rally last week.

The Price of Punctuality

My friends all know that I am time management impaired. Hopefully, they love me anyway. Oh yes, it is well-known amongst family and friends that I will arrive at least fifteen minutes later than the designated time. (That's actually a gracious estimation...sometimes it's more like thirty minutes, but who's counting?) God is working on me in this area.

Last year, my job required me to arrive ten to fifteen minutes earlier than my scheduled time, because of a co-worker who arrived early. Now, I was doing pretty good at getting to work on time or on time plus one minute...but early was a little bit of a stretch for me. O.K., it was totally out of my league. I'm flying by the seat of my pants everywhere I go. I see other multi-tasking mamas that just seem to have it all together. They don't miss appointments. They're on time. They have all that they need for the day. Prepared, punctual, and put-together. The elusive three P's.

Most days, I feel like a bit of a mess. Was everyone created to juggle so many things with ease? Why can't I focus on kids, work, household duties, the ministry, friends, etc. without forgetting things,leaving things out or messing things up?

Well, back to last year and my quest to achieve the three P's. One day, I arrived at work really early, and we had everything we needed. No one missed the bus or forgot their lunch money. All the homework had been checked and papers signed. Life was good. I was smiling all morning, basking in the glow of my victory. See, I can do this. I can juggle with the best of the multi-tasking mamas. Bring it.

It was mid-morning and I was walking down the hallway, feeling pretty satisfied with myself, when I looked down and noticed that something wasn't quite right. I was wearing two completely different shoes! They were at least the same color of brown, but two different shoes, nonetheless! There I stood in the middle of the hallway, with my pant legs pulled up...laughing hysterically, when one of the teachers (who had mastered the three P's)walked by. I was laughing so hard, I could barely get the words out. I just pointed at my shoes. Being a multi-tasking mama, she didn't need an explanation. There was a two inch height difference between the heels of the shoes. How could I not notice that at some point in the day? So much for the three P's.More like the three M's - mismatch, mishap, Miss Mess!

Girls, the moral to this story is...there is a price to pay for punctuality. It may come in the form of mismatched shoes...or socks...or earrings. I've even had one-earring days (this usually occurs from the chronic interruptions that pop-up in the morning from those little people who live here. You know, you put one earring in and some dire catastrophe requires your immediate attention...something like, "Mom, where's my glove?" or "I missed the bus, again.") Sometimes, you just can't have it all. I could be punctual and prepared, but not put together. Maybe put together, but not punctual...Something has to give. Limitless possibilities for mishaps abound. Beware, and count the cost!

Gifts and Flowers

I'm not the best gift giver. I try, and I want to give good gifts...but apparently, gift-giving is not one of my gifts. (Lame pun intended.) I don't send cards to my friends on their birthdays. I buy wedding gifts an hour before the wedding, or sometimes just put money in a card I purchase on the way to the wedding, or even at the drugstore in between the wedding and reception. Even my "well-thought-out" attempts have not brought glee to my receivers. My husband has disliked almost every gift I've purchased for him in the last 15 years. So, in some cases it's my disorganization and procrastination that's causing the gift-giving deficiency. And, in other cases, it's my cluelessness as to what my loved ones will love. (Example: I brought my brother such lousy gifts every year of his life that the one time I bought a good one, he didn't even try to hide his shock. He held it up and said, "This is awesome! Did you really buy this? This is from you?")I am pathetically gift-giving challenged.

So, you can understand my dismay, when on the first day of school, I looked in my mailbox to see the committee sign-up sheet. All the blanks were full except one. The Gift and Flower Committee. And all the names were crossed off the list of those who were expected to sign up for their duties, except one. Mine.

This put a major wrench in my I'm Just Gonna plans. I really "didn't wanna" have any part of the Gift and Flower Committee, and despite all my promises and determination to not complain and to start the year positive, I whined and protested a little. It's not that I mind doing my part. I don't. I would serve on other committees. It's just that I am so inadequate, so ill-equipped, so out of touch with the social-goings-on at work. I mean, in addition to my gift-giving deficiencies, I am the last person to know when anything happens at work or in the lives of my co-workers. It's really all I can do to get my own family where they need to be each day and to tend to their needs. So, it is a very real possibility that I will inadvertently miss some important event in someone's life. The flowers or card won't be sent...the gift will not be purchased. That would be horrible, and I am living in fear of that very thing.

The Bible says that we are a "new creation in Jesus". And, you know, He chooses some funny ways to work in our lives to make us that new creation. So, I'm sure it's no accident that I'm on the Gift and Flower Committee. It's meant to stretch and grow me into a more organized, conscientious, gift-giver. And, even though I was at the local grocery store choosing a card for Boss's Day (which was yesterday, in case you didn't know...I mean doesn't everyone know that?) at 7:30a.m. yesterday morning...all was well. The gift and card were delivered. And, hopefully our boss was blessed...'cause blessing others really is what giving gifts is about, right?

I'm Just Gonna...I'm Just Gonna...I'm Just Gonna...

More Encouragement for Moms...

The following article was originally published in The Women's Edge Newsletter. Used With Permission. All Rights Reserved.

From Frazzle to Dazzle
By Kelly Gerken

Do you ever find yourself knee-deep in dirty diapers and bottles? Or, for you moms of potty training toddlers, do you ever feel like you're drowning in laundry and soaked sheets from the notorious potty accident? Are you a carpooling, brownie-baking mom and some days you're not sure if you're coming or going (to baseball practice, soccer, gymnastics, dance, piano lessons...)?


God notices! He appreciates the love you put into the work you do for your family. He watches you all day as your struggle and plug on. You are serve Him as the wife and mother of your family. He will reward you for your sleepless nights and for all those dirty diapers and temper tantrums! Nothing about you goes unnoticed to God your Father.

Every Mom has those "frazzled " days. So what should a "frazzled", overworked, overwhelmed mommy do? How can we turn our attitude form "frazzle" to "dazzle"?

Here are some tips from one (occasionally) "frazzled" mom to another:

1. So many of our struggles stem from the attitudes we choose. On those extra difficult days we have a choice about our reactions and our attitudes. One of the most powerful "attitude adjusters": is simply GRATEFULNESS. Nothing changes an attitude from negative to positive faster than giving thanks for what we have been given. If you're looking around right now and all you can see is a messy house and screaming children, we can start with that. Begin by giving thanks that you have a house to call home (and to get messy). As for the screaming kids, praise God for their healthy lungs. Obviously, they are breathing well to be able to bellow like that. If your husband has fallen asleep on the couch after a long day at work, be thankful that he's sleeping on your couch (as opposed to someone else's couch)!

2. EXPECTATIONS... If I had a nickel for all of the problems that stem from that one simple word, I would be one rich Mommy! Expectations lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Too often, we moms put unattainable expectations on everyone around us: our husbands, our children, our friends, and most of all ourselves. What a great gift it would be to our loved ones if we could simply accept and love people (including ourselves) just the way they are. After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us? What if we laid down our expectations, our schedules, and our demands for a little while and just asked God to help us see these precious children and husbands the way that He sees them? What if we could just laugh and enjoy the great gift of family , even when that family is not meeting our expectations? What if even our flaws were endearing to one another? Or, better yet, what if we chose not to see each other's flaws at all? What if whenever we were wronged by another family member , that wrong or sin was covered completely in grace... every debt paid, every sin forgiven, erased and removed as far as the east is from the west?

3. What motivates us to forgive when we've been wronged, to give when there's nothing left to give, to stay when we want to leave, to keep going when we want to quit? What covers a multitude of sins? What never fails, always hopes, trusts, endures, protects, keeps no record of wrongs, is not selfish or easily angered? LOVE. This is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This love is the love that Jesus has for us and it is the love that He can put in us to give, through the power of His Holy Spirit. If we ask, He will equip us to love our families this way. WE must also remember that this love definitely is a choice, Often as mothers we feel overwhelmed and inadequate about the task of training our children and caring for our homes and family. We will never fail when we choose love.

4.We've heard a lot about what a mom is supposed to give, and how God is gracious to equip moms to fulfill their role. One of the ways He equips us is through the ENCOURAGEMENT we can receive and give to one another in our CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIPS. Call a girlfriend to talk, laugh, vent, cry, sort your thoughts-whatever you need. On those "frazzled" days, it can work wonders to seek the love, support and advice of another godly Christian mom. Maybe it can even help to feel like you are not alone. Someone understands and has been there too. It is beautiful thing to be able to share your burdens with one another in Christian love, and even better, we can pray with and for one another. We all know that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

5. Most importantly, we must remember to fill Mommy's gas tank. If we don't stop and take time to meet some of our own needs, soon we will have nothing left to give our families. It's important to schedule some quiet time to do Bible devotions, call a friend, relax, exercise, whatever refuels and refreshes our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies so that we can live to negotiate bedtime, referee a wrestling match, drive carpool,and change a diaper another day!

Take a second look at your demanding family and take a few minutes to sit down and cradle your children in your arms. Everything else will wait. They are God's gift to you.

Psalm 127:3-4 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children are a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.

A Heart Toward Home ~ Encouragment for Moms

I hope the following article is an encouragement to you today. If so, leave a comment and let me know your thoughts. There are a lot of demands on women today, and some days, I am exhausted and weary. I need the Lord's strength daily. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you, today....whatever demands on your time, however full your schedule, when weariness seeps into your bones, and your mind can't process one more thing....hold on, dear sister. Hold on...to the truth of God's word, to the faithfulness of His promises, to the rest He has for your tired body and your weary mind and soul. Press on, hold on, hang in there, and rest on God's promises for you...

Written By Kelly Gerken
Originally Published in The Women's Edge Newsletter , used with permission. All rights reserved.

But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine; that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love in patience; the older women likewise, that they maybe reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.~ Titus 2:1-6

This scripture reminds us that it doesn't always come naturally to us to love our husbands and children, caring for our homes the way God intended us to do. We must be taught these essential skills by the wise women who have lovingly worked as homemakers before us. Through their example we begin to understand the rewards of submitting to our husbands, of faithfully training our children, and of keeping our homes.

The trouble is, there seems to be a great lack of example in this current time. For the sake of liberation, women are buying the lie that there's something more out there, in droves. Don't get me wrong, I realize the necessity for a second income in some situations. Many women may have to work outside the home for the only household income. I also understand the temptation to gain a sense of worth that comes from the satisfaction of a job well done and the reward of a pay check. It's sometimes more satisfying than carting an ungrateful teenager around or changing another dirty diaper.

The point here is not to judge those who must work outside of the home. The point is to realize that whether our full time job is as mother and wife or mother and wife plus, the important question is...which direction is our heart pointed toward?

How much effort do we put toward making a home? Do we put our family's needs above the priorities and demands of our work, our friends, our me-time? While it's important to refuel ourselves and nurture our physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental needs so that we can lovingly give to our families out of abundance, we can also get carried away with our own selfishness. It's essential to keep our priorities in check. My friend Betsy once said, "Me-time is overrated." And while I love a bit of lunch-with-girlfriends indulgence now and again (and understand the need for it), I have to agree with Betsy.

It's interesting how we think shirking our responsibilities will bring freedom and happiness when true joy often comes from being poured out and completely willing to give and serve others. One translation of Titus 2:5 uses the words to "be busy at home". Many of us are stopping at the word "busy." We have busy down pat...we can talk on the phone, wash the dishes, change a diaper and read email at the same time. We can prepare our presentation, get ready for work, schedule a dentist appointment and pick up five children for baseball practice. These abilities are good and necessary, and they are a way we have been equipped by our Creator for the work we are required to do. But are we just busy, or are we busy making a home? Where is the passion of our hearts?

We must pray for the young mothers to have hearts turned toward home...hearts that nurture and love their children, hearts that want to bring blessing to their husbands, hearts with a vision to make homes a haven for their family. This takes time, commitment, perseverance and training. More experienced wives must take their calling seriously, to come alongside new wives and mothers and train them in the safe-keeping of their families.

This is an art form that must not be lost. For the sake of the future generations of our children and our children's children, we must turn our hearts toward home, resisting the urge to be pulled away by one more thing...one more worldly idea that offers an empty promise. Beware lest anyone cheat you through the philosophy and empty deceit according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. ~Colossians 2:8
What does it look like to have a heart toward home?

It begins with a balance of our time, energies, goals and desires. First and foremost our will should be in line with God's will for our lives.

Our priorities should be in this order:
1. To love, serve, please, worship and walk with God.
2. To love, honor, submit, and pray for to our husbands.
3. To love, train, nurture, and pray for our children.
4.To attend, support, pray for and serve in our church family.
5.To meet the demands and pray for for our outside work and/or ministry.

If our priorities are out of order and our time and commitment to them is not in balance, that is a reflection of the attitude of our hearts. We must keep ourselves in check, like the psalmist asking God "Search me , O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)

Where is the reward for all of this serving you may wonder. I give to my family... I serve and I pray. I discipline my children, and all I get is more disobedience. I love my husband, and he's tired and cranky after along day at work. I do the laundry...and all I get is more dirty clothes. First of all, I hear you sister, and you're right. Sometimes there isn't a whole lot of glory in serving our families. There's hard work, ungratefulness, cranky days, and more work. The rewards are not immediate, and sometimes are few and far between. But, I know a woman who has seen the hand of God in the lives of her children as a result of serving as their prayer warrior. She not only has seen God work in her own children, but in the lives of an entire community as she weekly, faithfully prays for their school. She may never know this side of heaven all the dangers that these children have been saved from, all the sorrows prevented as a result of her diligent, righteous prayers. What if she had been too busy to pray? What if her heart had been turned away from home?

I know another woman who prayed for ten years for her husband to go to church with her and serve the Lord. She loved him though the gut-wrenching grief of the loss of three out of five children. She loved him when he couldn't love her back. And she prayed him home when he thought about turning his heart away. Now, he sits beside her every Sunday morning drinking in the truth of Scripture. God has healed all that was broken and given back one hundred fold of joy for every tear that was shed in that marriage. What if she gave up? What if she said, "I don't need this. There must be something more for me out there." She would have missed the blessing of her life.

I know what you may be thinking. This is a lot to ask...giving up my selfish "needs" to serve my family. There isn't much glory in it. The women who've remained obedient to this calling, keeping their hearts toward home would tell you that they wouldn't trade God's ways of blessing them...His answers to their desperate prayers for any amount of glory and satisfaction that this world has to offer.

When you can't do it one more minute...when you are tempted to give up and turn your heart away, remember...we serve a God who is able and willing to equip us. He promises to complete the work He has begun in us. All we have to do is trust Him. He knows our needs better than we know ourselves.

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.You know my sitting down and my rising up;You understand my thought afar off.And are acquainted with all my ways.For there is not a word on my tongue,But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.You have hedged me behind and before,And laid Your hand upon me.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.~ Psalm 139:1-6

Remembering Our Babies.....

It has been ten years since we said good-bye to our Thomas Patrick, and it will be twelve years on November 3 since our Faith and Grace went home to heaven. Sometimes, it seems like just yesterday that I held them in my arms. Sometimes, it feels like it has been a lifetime.

There's something about the autumn winds that blow in, changing the colors of the trees, nature's last hurrah before the winter winds blow the last glorious leaves to the ground, leaving the trees naked and barren. Fall is so bittersweet and always represents change and the passing of time. We leave our careless summer days to return to school (and for me...work!). And we remember those who have gone before us....and those who are no longer with us.

Thank you to everyone who wrote to us to add their babies to our memory page. And may God bless and keep each one of the families represented here as He carries you each day and showers you with the gifts of His love, His comfort, and His beautiful, sufficient grace.

We Remember ~ National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month ~ October 2008

Safe in the Arms of Jesus...We Still Dream of You...
Children of Tim and Kelly Gerken:
Faith Elizabeth and Grace Katherine ~ November 3, 1996
Thomas Patrick Gerken ~ July 14, 1998

Child of Ned and Tracy Sponsler:
Kelly Michelle Sponsler ~ March 12, 2003

Erica, Adam, and Larah Williams remember:
Cooper Michael ~ May 29, 2005
Lee Ryan ~ December 23, 2005
Baby Seth ~ April 23, 2007
"Love begins before a baby is born...and lives Forever."

Child of Darrell and Heather Brown:
Michael Lee Brown
Went Home to Heaven: July 20, 2006

Child of John and Janelle Pimpo:
Matthew J. Pimpo ~ April 23, 2008
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles." Isaiah 40:31

Child of Kenda Ashbaugh and Roger Korte:
Andrew Joseph Korte ~ May 9, 1985
Our Little Angel...

Child of Bill and Stacy Holley:
Avery Grace Holley ~ Dec 22, 2006 - Dec 28, 2006
We miss you and love you sweet baby.

Child of Nathan and Laura Barnes:
Elizabeth Barnes ~ June 2, 2004

Child of Jason and Amber Seedorf:
Morgan Christine Seedorf
Born~ June 12, 2004 Went Home to Heaven ~ August 7, 2004
Soar With the Angels ~ We Love You

Child of Melissa and Joe Lane:
Calypso Paikea Rhyder Lane
Birth Date ~ June 14, 2007 ~ Went Home to Heaven~July 7, 2007
Heaven's Prettiest Dancer

Child of: Cathryn Makurat and John Baumeister Jr.
Harvey William Baumeister
Went to Heaven on July 7th, 2008
Induced at 23 weeks, 2 days due to Polycystic Kidney Disease

Child of: Darrell & Karen Eckelberry
Gracelynn Louise Eckelberry
birthdate 7-16-2007------angel date 8-4-2007
What a hole you left in our lives--we love you, Gracie Lou.

Please Pray

Today, I am going to Michigan with my friend Nicki from high school to see our friend J. J lost her husband this week in an automobile accident. She has three children close to the age of my own children. There are no words for a sorrow this unreachably deep, a pain this great. All that I can think of is that there is no place deep or dark enough that we are unreachable to God. So...all that I know is that His word is the only word to turn to.

My mind is full of flashes from the past...snapshots of my girlhood friends, laughing, and making memories. Flashes of each of our weddings. Pillow fights. Throwing teenage caution to the wind and engaging in foolishness. Long talks. The road trip to Nic's wedding with J. Loading J's Suburban and with all of our children, (and some neighbor kid - all under the age of 7) to travel to Shipshewana and later to the lake. Watching the little ones splash in the lake. Listening to our boys giggle. Conversations. Regrets. Sorrows and joys.

Would we live differently if we knew our time was short? Should we live that way, anyway? After all, no one knows the day or the hour...

I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but if you are, PLEASE PRAY for J's family...for her, her son, and her two daughters.

Nothin' Illegal

This past weekend was Homecoming for our school. It was a fun-filled week of festivities from the elementary to the high school. We little ones at the elementary enjoyed hat day, silly sock day, and red-white-and-blue day. We are Patriots, after all, and we go all out! There was red-white-and-blue hair, beads, clothes, faces, and in my James's case a big fluffy red and blue wig! Oh, yes...he wore the wig with confidence, strutting into the second grade room with a grin on his face and his furry head held high.

At the football game that evening, we started out sitting on the bleachers to watch our boys stomp the unfortunate visiting team. But, James was watching the more interesting game on the sidelines...the game that's been a tradition since the beginning of time (or at least the beginning of our school). With all the sweaty macho tackling and the glory of head-to-head testosterone-filled combat in the air, who could blame the younger boys for starting their own game in the open grassy field to the side of the football field? And that is what they do. They sweat and tackle, run and trash talk, look to see if the girls are watching, and then...tackle, grunt, and trash talk some more. That is until some rule enforcing adult comes to break up their game and remind them that the ambulance on the sidelines is not for little boys without padding who choose to throw caution to the wind and wage gridiron war. Rather, it is for the boys we came here to see...our well padded and helmeted high school boys.

So, I was on the sidelines, reminiscing with some moms about when we had our Homecoming (you know, back in the day), when I had a feeling it might be time to check on James. He had been out of my sight for a few minutes, and...well, you know the feeling. We walked up to the pseudo- football-field-of-dreams just in time to witness the police officer breaking up the game, and reminding the boys to be safe. That's when I caught the look of shock and terror on James's face. His eyes were like saucers, as he looked around nervously...suddenly not feeling so tough. I quietly said, "James, come here," and in a millisecond, his hand found mine. Relief. You see, there are two people whose words are respected and revered above all else (in the mind of James) - his Sunday School Teacher and "the police". If it's against God's law or the law of the land, he doesn't want any part of it. I wondered how all this excitement was processing behind those wide eyes.

So, I asked, " What happened? What were you doing, James?"

To which, with arms and eyebrows raised , he replied, "Nothin' illegal!"

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As I have both lamented and rejoiced, my oldest son is in high school. So, for him, Homecoming meant his first high school dance. We went shopping for an outfit that afternoon. Oh, the nostalgia. The memories flooded my mind as I thought of my own first Homecoming, my first boyfriend, arguing with my mom as she put my hair in hot rollers. I thought of when I was on the Homecoming Court and had the honor of being Homecoming Queen. Now, I don't normally wish I could go back to that tumultuous time in my life. There are more regrets from the foolishness of youth than cherished memories. And I'm much more satisfied to stay here...in this place where I am a new creation in Christ, secure as the woman I am, loved and safe...no longer searching, no longer filled with the unbridled passions of youth. Sigh.

When I dropped him off, I could see a glimpse of the festively decorated cafeteria and the young, excited faces through the window. The new outfits and the sparkle. The anticipation. And there I was...on the outside, looking in the window. For a moment, I wished I had something to get that excited about...a dance to get ready for. The excitement of the unknown. What would happen? The mom in me was excited for him...that this was his time. The girl in me missed my own mom...how she would understand. I remembered her waiting until I got home from the dance...waiting for me to tell her all about it, while still glowing from the warmth of dancing all evening in the arms of my first love. Had time really passed so quickly?

I smiled, as I paused for a moment in the parking lot, knowing that there would be no conversation about the details of the evening when he came home. I have a son...not a daughter. And son's don't give the details...at least not the ones a mom would want to know. Details of the game, yes. Details about who danced with who and what everyone wore. Not so much! I will remain outside, looking in the window of his life as he grows. And I will be here, should he feel the urge to share a crumb of information, letting me inside for just a moment. And I will be praying and trusting God to take care of the rest.

Busy Tuesday

This has been a very busy couple weeks. On Tuesday, we (Dawn - NILMDTS Coordinator and me) gave our presentation on meeting the needs of bereaved parents, to the nursing staff at Wood County Hospital. There was a lot of preparation and a lot of battling the computer glitches plaguing my plans. (Yes...the glitches continued and even spread to my printer! We prayed and persevered, and I compromised with purple ink when the printer in a fit of utter defiance refused to print in black ink.) The brochures were printed...the presentation pages bound, and all was well. Dawn gave a beautiful presentation about NILMDTS (I am so thankful for her presence and for her passion for bereaved parents) and I shared our family's journey along with some encouragement for the staff on ways they can best support grieving parents. We were greatly encouraged by our day at Wood County Hospital, who incidentally has one of the most compassionate and attentive OB nursing staffs in Northwest Ohio (no, I'm not just saying that!).

A substitute covered for me at the school where I am employed as an educational paraprofessional. A friend was picking up James from school (It turns out the glitches are contagious because her car wouldn't start when it was time to get him. A kind neighbor gave her a ride, so James was picked up from school. And again, all was well.) Grandma took the next shift until Tim came home from work, juggled dinner, homework, and getting Timothy home from practice. And me...from the seminar at Wood County, I travelled to Liberty Center United Methodist Church to give a presentation to the Women's Society. Two speaking engagements in one day is quite an event! So, miraculously...we all arrived to each scheduled location safely and on time!

Liberty Center is the small town where my parents grew up. In a small town, everyone knows everyone else. And no matter how old you are, you are referred to in regards to your family...who your parents, grandparents, etc. are. So, when I was introduced to the lovely ladies, my aunt (also from Liberty Center) announced me as the daughter of Kathy B______ and Patrick K____. Sometimes, I feel a little lacking in heritage and family connection. My extended family doesn't see each other a lot. My parents were divorced when I was little. My father lives near Chicago, and my mother passed away almost two years ago. But, Tuesday night there was a feeling of mystical heritage and connection in the air. The person who invited me to share that evening is married to the man who was the best man in my parents' wedding. At my mother's funeral, he handed me a picture of my parents' wedding. It is the only copy I have. I shared the story of Faith, Grace, and Thomas, a couple songs, and a little about Sufficient Grace Ministries. I felt so much love and encouragement from the wonderful women at this beautiful little church. It was like the body of Christ should be...it felt like family...true family.

After my little testimony, a lovely lady asked me the question I have heard almost daily in the past year, "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like your mother?" She said that she was my mother's teacher when mom was a girl. Heritage. Connection. I smiled, feeling comforted by the mention of mom...as if somehow it made it seem like she was looking down from heaven and part of the evening.The mention of her name made her seem....closer, less gone. And I was honored, as always that I have the privilege of resembling her.

What a beautiful blessing the day was. Thank you to the staff at Wood County Hospital for their warm reception, their willing hearts, and the tireless courage to show compassion that they display in the face of grief. And thank you to the women of the United Methodist Church in Liberty Center for blessing me with the love of family... the family we share as children of the King.

Glitches

Every computer in this house with ministry information has crashed in the last couple months. It began with my main computer...the one with all ministry stuff and personal family stuff, including all our pictures, which were not backed up. With little money to replace the necessary computers, and even less time to meet our Women's Edge Newsletter deadline and prepare for the upcoming Wood County Hospital Seminar, I was feeling a little overwhelmed when the only working computer (my beloved laptop...given to me by my beloved brother) joined my desktop in shutting down completely.

I am not a connoisseur of computers. I am barely a novice. Technology overwhelms me. I can't even text on my cell phone. And there was stuff to be done. People needed to be emailed about the first annual Ride for Grace Fundraiser. Fliers needed to be printed and distributed. Speeches needed to be written. There was not time in the schedule for computer failure. I only had Saturday and Sunday...then it would be back to work, running to golf tournaments, soccer practice, homework, supper, bath and bedtime...the rituals of the school/work week. And at the end of the week, I had a Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women meeting to prepare for.

Alas, my plans were interrupted. Instead of working and preparing, I spent most of the weekend looking for the recovery CD for my computer, and then...while saying good-bye to my hard drive and currently installed software, I installed the recovery CD. This took the majority of the weekend. I was able to painstakingly send the rest of the fall newsletter to Becki, the compiler of the newsletter and co-editor, without the luxury of the software program we generally use to publish the newsletter.

The little glitches continued. There were last minute errors found Thursday night in the newsletter. There were schedule conflicts for the Friday meeting. I lost all previous conference speeches on my computer. So, I was forced to search for the hard copy in the disheveled heaps of my disorganization hidden in the basement office. My plan to stay up late on Thursday to finish the preparations for Friday's meeting disappeared when I realized that I am no longer able to physically endure staying up all night to meet a deadline, and going to work in the morning. I need my sleep now...the twenties are long gone, and I just can't ask my body to perform the impossible anymore. Never mind the effects of no sleep on my already overloaded mind. Some days, I'm barely functioning with six to seven hours sleep...I don't want to see what I could forget, misplace, or mentally break down over, without proper rest!

As much as it pains me to give up my plans, I cancelled Friday's meeting, and decided to just finish the newsletter when we were able. The new plan was to make copies Saturday morning (not part of the original plan because Timothy had a golf invitational, James had soccer, and the Ride for Grace Event was kicking off ...all on Saturday morning!). I already needed to be at three places at once. But, as you know His plans are not always our plans.

The rains came down, and the floods came up. After months of glorious sunshine, and no rain for our dry and barren land...the rains came rushing in, quenching the thirsty land, but washing away all of our plans. The golf invitational was cancelled (but not until we had already taken Timothy to the bus and he had ridden all the way to the golf course, and had to ride all the way back. Then we picked him up from the high school). James' soccer game was cancelled. And the First Annual Ride for Grace...cancelled.

All of my concerns about timing and deadlines were unnecessary. God was in charge of the way the days and timing would fall into place. He knows what each tomorrow holds. My plans are futile and can be washed away with the rain. But His plans hold the promise of secure purpose. It turns out that most of the people I was concerned about letting down by not meeting the Friday deadline for the newsletter had conflicts about meeting on Friday anyway, and were relieved the meeting was cancelled. Saturday morning opened up and when Becki came to deliver the newsletter copies, she stayed while they printed and helped fold and staple. We didn't have our staplers (of course), but we borrowed the church stapler (and staples!). I reinstalled the printmaster program while we waited, and all was right with the world!

There's a saying in golf and I'm not really sure exactly how it goes. But the gist of it is that "Golf is not measured by how well you play when everything is going as it should. Golf is a game that is measured by how well you can recover when everything is falling apart." And you know, I think life's like that, too. Our days are not going to always flow smoothly. Our plans sometimes will fall apart. Goals may not be met. But our God remains steadfast, immovable, unsurprised by the changes and seeming chaos around us. He is in control. And His plans will never fail.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
~Proverbs 19:21