Lesson 9 ~ Threads of Hope ~ Finding Joy

This will be the last post in the Threads of Hope Bible Study series. Thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to walk through this study with us. I know some found it comforting and some did not enjoy it. But, I appreciate your willingness to try it out. We will be taking a little break from Walking With You, and I have a few ideas that I'll share soon. If you have a need in the mean time, please feel free to email me.

Joy is a feeling that follows a choice. Our joy comes not as a result of circumstances or events, but by choosing to trust God no matter what the circumstances. ~ Threads of Hope

Some of my favorite scriptures are in this lesson...verses that have carried me through dark valleys, moments of brokenness and doubt....despair and hurt. I am so excited to share and reassured as I read them again tonight. Oh, God's faithfulness astounds me. There really are no words. I'm so glad we get to talk about finding joy this week.

In Ezra, we see the new temple being built. The young priests sang praise at the sight of the new temple...they rejoiced over the restoration, the hope for the future, rejoiced that God was doing a new thing. The elders who had witnessed the glory wept as they saw the new temple. They felt the sorrow for what had been, for what was destroyed. I imagine their tears were bittersweet...mixed with the pain of what was lost and the hope of what was being built and restored before them.

Where am I? Do I see what was lost or the hope of a new city?

The honest answer is: I am in both places. Most of the time, I feel hope and joy and I see the new thing that God is building and the beauty of what He has already built. But, sometimes, I feel moments of broken-heartedness over what was lost and what may have been. Those moments wash over me at will. And, it's not a place I try to dwell, but they do come.

When they come, I try to remember that a New City waits for me. Even as God does a new thing in my life right now, the ultimate renewal and restoration is still ahead and waits for me in Heaven's glory. For that promise, I am so grateful.

The study asks "How can I praise God when I am still so hurt?" and directs us to Psalm 137, which asks, "How can we sing the Lord's song in a foreign land?"

Good question...and the answer, while may sound simple, I realize, at times, it is not. Last week, we talked about how one feels when in the pit. And, as I read through so many blogs of mothers who are now in that place of thick grief, I realize it's important to be sensitive to the fact that there is little that brings comfort in that place. And, even words of hope and truth can sting. Does that mean we stop offering hope? I don't think so. But, what we offer must be clothed in grace and love.

With that said...let's talk about praise and joy...

We praise God for who He is. No matter where we are, or what our circumstances, He never changes and He is always worthy of our praise. Grief is a foreign land. It's a land where we may feel moments of hopelessness and abandonment, of desperation and brokenness. But, even in that place, He is worthy of our praise. Even when we don't feel like it. Even if our praise in that moment when we are too weak to lift our heads...even in that moment is barely a whisper of His name...it is good to give Him praise. And, somehow that I can't really fully explain, praise brings us comfort, too.

Do we always feel joyful and happy?

No.

Shouldn't we wait until we do to give Him praise?

No...the praise comes first... The joy usually follows.

And now...my favorite part...the proof that there is always hope in Him.

Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Not it shall bring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will make road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
Is. 43:18-19

We will never forget our babies, and I don't think this verse is included to intend that. But, we can forget our hopelessness. We can let go of that pain and embrace the new thing that God offers us...a future of hope. He is able to make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. He can bring life...even from death. He can use what was meant for evil, to bring good. He can make beauty from ashes. He can, and He will.

As far as forgetting...does God forget our babies or expect us to?

Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
~Is. 49:15-16

God knows how a mother would never forget her baby...but says even if she would...He will not! And, He certainly doesn't expect us to forget.

So back to the new things God offers...what are they?

Lamentations 3 tells us that God offers us new mercies every morning...His compassion never fails...and great is His faithfulness.

2 Corinthians promises that we are a new creation in Jesus.


I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth
Praise be to our God...

Psalm 40:1-3

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You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord, my God, I will give thanks forever.

Psalm 30:11-12

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Those who sow in tears
Shall reap with songs of joy...

Psalm 126:5

You know...if you are struggling to find something to be thankful for...struggling to find the strength to give Him praise...take a moment and remember what He has already done, and who He is! I love to remember what God has done in my life and what He is already doing. It's hard to see all of that when you are in the pit. I know that, but He is still there. Even when we cannot see, He is working to turn our tears to joy. And, oh...what a beautiful song it is.

God has comforted me in so many ways. In the darkest moments, He comforted and strengthened me with His word. More recently, He has restored brokenness in my marriage, giving us a deep abiding love that has been tested by fire. He has shown me that His grace is sufficient, that He will never leave me, nor forsake me, that He is faithful...He is all that He says He is. He has blessed me with the privilege of being a mother to all my children...those on this earth, and those in Heaven. He has taught me about the kind of faith that grows in the pit of grief. And, He has blessed me with this ministry, offering comfort and hope to others walking this path. I could go on and on about the new song that He has put in my heart.

Great is His faithfulness....

Now may the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~ Romans 15:13


Please link up and take some time to encourage and walk with one another...

Love and Prayers for all...




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Final Threads of Hope ~Walking With You...

We will post the final Threads of Hope ~ Walking With You next Thursday, April 29, 2010. Several people have expressed feeling behind and needing some time to catch up. So, it seems best to give it an extra week. Thank you so much for your willingness to walk with one another and share your hearts, and thank you for your flexibility.

Blessings...

Threads of Hope...Letting Go and Holding On...

I am absolutely loving the quilt story that's unfolding in this bible study. I love to see the beauty of the quilt with pieces of the granddaughter's life...making beauty from the pieces...all of the pieces. And...even more...finding beauty, even in the process.

Getting Out of the Pit

I have been in the pit, and through this ministry, I spend a great deal of time with others who are in the pit of grief. And, when you're in the pit, it's tough to think of anything other than the pain and sorrow weighing down on you, being heaped upon you as you sink further in.

Corrie Ten Boom - "There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still."

I love that...and I could also relate to what Gwen Kik shared:

After Hope died I felt as if I were hanging in a pit. The only think keeping me from falling to the depths was my grasp. On the edge of the pit was our Lord, offering His hand but I would not look at Him or reach for Him. I would only hold to the hem of His robe. Some called that faith. I called it desperation. He was all that I had to hold on to.

I hung there for many months before I had the courage to even look at Him. I remember the day clearly that I climbed out of my pit, into His arms and had a good cry. That was the beginning of my letting go.

When in the pit, we may not have the strength, desire, or will to even reach our hand up to take His...to even lift our head to look into His eyes, to even open our mouth to whisper..."help me, hold me, carry me". Even that may be too much. Just breathing is a lot to ask in the smothering depths of the pit.

What I love most about Gwen's picture is that the Lord is sitting outside the pit...waiting for her...offering His comfort and reassurance. Even when we can't feel Him, even when we reject Him...He is there..waiting with unyielding love to gather us in His arms and wipe our tears.

I also love that Gwen says she clung to Him out of desperation. I think there's too much emphasis placed on the strength of our faith. Faith isn't about us...it's about the God we trust in and what He is able to do. It's not about how big or well we believe...or anything else we do. It's not about having strong faith...and a faith that barely holds on out of desperation is not considered weak faith. Faith, after all is just knowing that He is the One to hold on to...it's trusting in what we do not see. It is the "substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen". Call me crazy, but holding on to the little tiny threads of His robe while grasping in desperation in the pit...where you cannot see the hope, the light, the promise...that's the most beautiful faith of all. The dirty, messy, nitty-gritty faith that comes when the world is falling apart and there are no answers.

At least, that's what I learned from my own time in the pit...

Teale shared about the veil...that in grief, we are covered in a veil. We cannot see the full hope and promises. Scripture talks about the veil as well.

This hope we have as an anchor for the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus... (Heb. 6:19-20)

I love that....Jesus went before us...entered for us...and in Him, our hope is sure and steadfast. He is the anchor for our soul...

2 Corinth 3:16 promises: Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

The study also points out the various emotions displayed by the disciples when Jesus faced death on the cross. They went from disbelief, apathy, anger, fear, desperation, grief, denial...and back to grief.

After His death...the women went to the tomb.

John 20:1-18 tells the story...

Mary sat weeping outside the tomb, when the resurrected Jesus approaches her. In her grief, she doesn't recognize Him. She finally recognizes Him when He speaks her name and she turns to Him.

In the conversation, Jesus asks..."Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?"

The study asks for our response to this question. I know the obvious answer would be that most grieving moms are weeping because they long for their sweet babies. But, in reference to standing outside the tomb of Jesus...or sitting in a pit of hopelessness...wondering where the Lord has gone? Are you there in that pit of despair? Does it feel like an empty tomb? Are you wondering where the hope and promise has gone? Are you unable to feel His comfort under the weight of your sorrow? Unable to see His goodness through your veil of pain? Are you wondering if He really is who He says He is?

Perhaps, He is standing right before you...asking whom you are seeking. Perhaps He is just waiting for you to lift your eyes and see Him standing there. That's where I found Him when I lifted my eyes from the pit one day.

I just want to take a minute and say that surrendering to the Lord...coming to the place when you can reach for His waiting hand and allow Him to pull you from the pit of despair....that is a process. It happens in time, and for many of you...your grief is very fresh. Don't think that something is wrong with you because you still feel the weight of your sorrow and little else. Just know that God loves you with a relentless love and He will not leave you there. He will wait for you, as long as it takes. Whether you feel Him, or not...He is there.

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What hope do we have that our children are in heaven?

In 2 Samuel 12:23b, after the death of his baby boy, David says: "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."

Meaning...the baby will not come back to this earth...but one day, David will see him again in heaven.

1 Thes. 4:13-14 But, I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

How can we know we are going to heaven?

John 14:6 - Jesus said to him,, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

Romans 10:9 promises, "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

What will our heavenly bodies be like?

Philippians 4:20
For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.

But...how will we know our babies when we get there?

In Matthew 17, when the disciples were transfigured on the mountain, they saw Moses and Elijah, and they recognized them...never having laid eyes on them before. How? Because they were, for a moment, given eyes to see...as we will have in our glorious body. We will have eyes to see and we will know others as we are known.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 1 Corinth. 13:12

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. 2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. I John 3:1-2

The study encourages us to list mementos we have of our baby, to write letters, and to write a letter to the Lord pouring out our hearts and hurts before Him. It has been many years for me...and I did those things years ago. One thing I want to add is that even if you are feeling trapped in the pit and don't know how to pray...just saying..."Lord this really hurts" is still a prayer. He will meet you where you are...He's faithful like that! =)

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Please link up your post below, and also take some time to visit others who link here to offer your encouragement and prayers. We want to walk with one another...that no one should walk alone. The next post will be our final one for the Threads of Hope study. Then, we'll take a little break, and pray about where to go from here. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to do this...and for those who have been reading along.

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Threads of Hope, Lesson Seven ~ Acceptance

So sorry this post is late...thank you to those of you who are sticking with this study!

In this Threads of Hope lesson, we are going to talk about moving on toward acceptance. A better word, in my opinion, from a Christian perspective would be surrender. It was many years ago when I walked through the intense first stages of grief from saying good-bye to my precious Faith, Grace, and Thomas and toward acceptance. I remember that time as a time of surrender to God...truly learning to trust Him with my life, to praise Him in the storm, to give Him glory whether He is giving or taking away. I remember the process, and the beauty and relief when I finally surrendered my sorrow, my bitterness, all my disappointment that things had not gone as I should, my grief, my fear...all of it...to the Lord. I remember the sigh as I breathed it all out, allowing the tears to pour as I flung myself into my Heavenly Father's lap and let Him take it from me.

In Luke, we are told to take up our cross daily. Following Jesus is a daily choice. Daily, we choose to die to our former way of living and live instead for Him.

I felt like we were being asked to carry our own cross when we faced the fatal diagnosis with our sweet Thomas...and when we began the lonely journey of carrying him to term. It was a cross I will never regret carrying...I was honored and privileged to carry my sweet boy, and to hold him in my arms. Carrying Thomas wasn't the cross...but knowing that we would have to say good-bye to him, after already saying good-bye to our baby girls, Faith and Grace...facing the end of his earthly life...that is what weighed so heavily on our hearts.

We were asked to write our "cross items" on a cross. According to the study, "Cross items are those things that you have experienced that weigh you down. Pray about what your cross items may be." Jesus already died to free us from these things...He already gave us the power to overcome them, through Him.

I've been giving this some thought. I don't always walk like I'm free from all of the things that weigh me down. In fact, I often allow those things power in my life that they shouldn't be given. Jesus died for me, freeing me from that which once entangled me. Sometimes, I don't embrace the truth that I am a new creation in Jesus. I forget and wallow in the old me, and it really doesn't fit. I need to remember, I'm not that girl anymore. My identity isn't in the person who once felt abandoned, who made poor choices as a teenager, who felt insecure, the mother who grieved for her babies, the daughter who lost her mother, the woman who eats to cover her struggles...that isn't who I am. I am the daughter of the King...a child of God...completely forgiven...beauty made from ashes...redeemed by the blood of Jesus. I am free and precious in His sight. And, if Jesus is your Lord...so are you.

...that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. ~ Ephesians 4:22-24

O.K....so how do we do get to the point of surrender...or acceptance? How do we just give it all over to the Lord? How?

There isn't really an easy answer or a magic formula...but God works in His time and in His way. The key is that it really isn't something we can do or conjure up. It is something the Lord does...working while we rest...or struggle...or cry. Just as the grandmother in the study was working as her granddaughter grieved...beginning to piece together the beautiful quilt. God works that way, piecing together the scraps of our lives...the pretty pieces...the uneven ones...the downright ugly and seemingly useless pieces...and He makes something beautiful out of ALL of them. They all have purpose...alone, they may seem ugly. But, together, they are beautiful...just like the tapestry He is weaving in our lives. The grief blends with the joy. Together, they bring beauty, hope, renewal, and purpose. He doesn't waste a piece of it.

So...the answer to how do we do it?

We don't...

We trust the One who is able to do it for and through us...

In Matthew 11, we are admonished to: "Come to Me (Jesus) all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest..."

Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak.
And to those who have no might He increases their strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
The shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Galatians 2:20 reminds us that it is "no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

The study asks several questions encouraging grieving moms to make a plan how they will cope. I think that's a great idea, and encourage those who are newly grieving...or in the first year or two of grief...to do this. It has been many years for me, so I won't list my answers here.

The following verses mean so much to me, not just because of the hope they give and the truth they speak...but because I clung to them as my mother faced her cancer and eventual death. God gave us these verses over and over, reminding us that the trials we faced were not the end of the story. He was renewing us day by day...and He was working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. Don't focus on what we see...focus on Him.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. ~ 2 Corinth. 4:16-18


And another verse I clung to when grieving (and later surrendering) for Faith, Grace, and Thomas was:

John 16:22 ~ Now you have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice and no one will take away your joy.

This world is full of hurt and loss, brokenness and pain. But we will see Jesus and our babies again. And when we do, NO ONE WILL TAKE AWAY OUR JOY!!!!
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Thanks so much for those of you who are sticking with this study. Please take some time to link your post or leave a comment here and with those who link up. It is an encouragement to these families to know they are not alone. Remember...our goal is to walk with you...to walk with one another.

Love and Grace to all...

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Threads of Hope Lesson Six ~ I've Got to Get Better Soon

Please forgive this post. I am fighting a sinus infection and coming to you tonight with a heavy heart. I will do a bare minimum post tonight. Feel free to link up your own post if you like. To read more about the Threads of Hope Study, click here.

This week, we are talking about the stage of grief often referred to as busyness. It is a time when you may desire to feel better, to return to the things of life, to delve into something that feels good and maybe distracts from the cloud of sorrow that has hovered overhead.

What are some of the things you did initially to help yourself feel better?

It was a very long time ago. And, I really don't remember. I watched movies with Timothy and spent a lot of time going places with my friend Ginny and our kids. While many begin a worthwhile project in memory of their child, or start a new hobby, I don't recall doing any of that. We didn't start Sufficient Grace until eight years after Faith and Grace went home to heaven. So, I don't think that was a result of the busy season of grief.

After mom passed away, I started blogging and worked more fervently in the ministry. I'm not sure if that is related to her passing or the passion God has placed on my heart...or both.

Another question asks about people trying to make you move on with your grief. People did that...mostly my mom, who wanted me to get better. I imagine it hurt to watch her daughter hurt and not be able to fix it. I don't really want to talk about the specifics...it was a long time ago. And, perspective changes with time.

Luke 10:38-42 tells us about Mary and Martha. Martha was busy with much serving...worried about many things. And Mary chose the "one thing that is needed"....to sit at the feet of Jesus.

Psalm 46:10 admonishes us to "be still and know that He is God"...

I guess the message there is that all the running we do to fill our empty places with other things does little to satisfy our true needs. It won't fully comfort or heal our hurts. At the same time, I believe there is a value to the season of busyness we find in grief. Maybe sometimes we are running away from the hurt...but maybe in other instances, we are working through the pain, pouring it out in our gardening, writing, creating, singing, working. There is a time for that...but there is also a time for stillness. A time to be still and sit at the feet of Jesus, knowing that He is the only one who can truly heal.

There is a section that talks about parenting during grief. I remember sometimes in my sorrow, struggling to feel joy...wondering what kind of a mother laughs and enjoys life when her babies aren't here. And, one day, I looked down at my sweet toddler pulling on my hand to play...and wondered, "What kind of a mother doesn't feel joy and live life for the one who is here asking her to play?"

I realize that statement does little to comfort the mother who has lost her only child. But, I will say that even in that instance...you are still just as much a mother with a child who lives on in heaven. And, you are just as free to feel joy and live life again...knowing that although your baby is not with you...she lives on in heaven's glory. So, when the time comes...when laughter graces your lips once more...let it come. And don't feel guilty.

Another part talks about having more children....I'll let you all post what you wish about that. Refer to previous Walking With You posts on the right sidebar for more on this subject.

Genesis 15 and 16 tell the story of Abraham and Sarah...

God promised Abraham a son. When He took "too long" to answer, Sarah took matters into her own hands, asking her maidservant to carry her husband's child. She found a whole heap of trouble with her fateful choice...trouble that incidentally plaques our world today. The lesson is that she should have waited on the Lord...trusting in His faithfulness. God did send her and Abraham a son named Isaac...but that's another story.

I take matters into my own hands often...using other things to find comfort instead of going to the Lord. It is a constant lesson He is working on and unfolding in my life.

The next section shares that sometimes we cry out for a rescue from our circumstances instead of trusting in God and His promises no matter what the outcome. It's hard not to ask God to rescue us...and I think it's O.K. to ask Him as long as we do so, while still trusting Him no matter what the outcome.

What promises did you make to God and/or yourself?

Don't remember making promises to either of us...

What promises has God made to you?

Now we're talking...that's what matters...His promises to us.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
~Is. 43:2

Notice that He doesn't promise that you'll never walk through the waters...He just promises that when you do, they will not overflow you. And when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.

Why?

Because He walks with you...

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also, And where I go you know, and the way you know. ~ John 14:1-4

There are more beautiful verses and promise listed in the lesson. But, that's all I can do tonight. If you'd like to study them out yourself, I encourage you to do so. There is always encouragement in His Word.

Walking With You ~ Threads of Hope Bible Study Giveaway

Comments closed...winners will be announced soon...




Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. We are a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child. We gather together from different places on our journey, each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength. To view previous posts on Walking With You, please click on the button above.


This month for Walking With You, we are starting something new. We will be going through the Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible Study for the next nine weeks. Even if you have not joined us previously, I hope you will join us for this. All are welcome. My prayer is that it will bring hope and much-needed encouragement to hearts that are grieving.

We will be starting the Bible Study on February 25, 2010 and will continue each Thursday for a total of nine weeks. The first week in the book is where each member tells their story. Since we've already done that on Walking With You, we will start with Lesson 2 on our first session. If you are joining us for the first time, though, please share some of your story in the comments on this post or leave a link to a blog post telling about your child.

A little preparation is needed to get ready for each Thursday's post. First, you will need a Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible Study book. There are a few ways you can get one.

1. They can be ordered here: www.lovingandcaring.org

2. One of the sweet authors, Gwen Kik, emailed me that they are willing to share their book online for free! You can click here to download it to your computer: Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy. Thanks Gwen!

3. Or...you can leave a comment on this post and enter our giveaway to win one of five Threads of Hope Books we will be giving away this week!!

I just love a good giveaway, don't you? =) Winners will be announced Monday, along with the winner from our Women of Faith giveaway!