Threads of Hope Lesson Six ~ I've Got to Get Better Soon

Please forgive this post. I am fighting a sinus infection and coming to you tonight with a heavy heart. I will do a bare minimum post tonight. Feel free to link up your own post if you like. To read more about the Threads of Hope Study, click here.

This week, we are talking about the stage of grief often referred to as busyness. It is a time when you may desire to feel better, to return to the things of life, to delve into something that feels good and maybe distracts from the cloud of sorrow that has hovered overhead.

What are some of the things you did initially to help yourself feel better?

It was a very long time ago. And, I really don't remember. I watched movies with Timothy and spent a lot of time going places with my friend Ginny and our kids. While many begin a worthwhile project in memory of their child, or start a new hobby, I don't recall doing any of that. We didn't start Sufficient Grace until eight years after Faith and Grace went home to heaven. So, I don't think that was a result of the busy season of grief.

After mom passed away, I started blogging and worked more fervently in the ministry. I'm not sure if that is related to her passing or the passion God has placed on my heart...or both.

Another question asks about people trying to make you move on with your grief. People did that...mostly my mom, who wanted me to get better. I imagine it hurt to watch her daughter hurt and not be able to fix it. I don't really want to talk about the specifics...it was a long time ago. And, perspective changes with time.

Luke 10:38-42 tells us about Mary and Martha. Martha was busy with much serving...worried about many things. And Mary chose the "one thing that is needed"....to sit at the feet of Jesus.

Psalm 46:10 admonishes us to "be still and know that He is God"...

I guess the message there is that all the running we do to fill our empty places with other things does little to satisfy our true needs. It won't fully comfort or heal our hurts. At the same time, I believe there is a value to the season of busyness we find in grief. Maybe sometimes we are running away from the hurt...but maybe in other instances, we are working through the pain, pouring it out in our gardening, writing, creating, singing, working. There is a time for that...but there is also a time for stillness. A time to be still and sit at the feet of Jesus, knowing that He is the only one who can truly heal.

There is a section that talks about parenting during grief. I remember sometimes in my sorrow, struggling to feel joy...wondering what kind of a mother laughs and enjoys life when her babies aren't here. And, one day, I looked down at my sweet toddler pulling on my hand to play...and wondered, "What kind of a mother doesn't feel joy and live life for the one who is here asking her to play?"

I realize that statement does little to comfort the mother who has lost her only child. But, I will say that even in that instance...you are still just as much a mother with a child who lives on in heaven. And, you are just as free to feel joy and live life again...knowing that although your baby is not with you...she lives on in heaven's glory. So, when the time comes...when laughter graces your lips once more...let it come. And don't feel guilty.

Another part talks about having more children....I'll let you all post what you wish about that. Refer to previous Walking With You posts on the right sidebar for more on this subject.

Genesis 15 and 16 tell the story of Abraham and Sarah...

God promised Abraham a son. When He took "too long" to answer, Sarah took matters into her own hands, asking her maidservant to carry her husband's child. She found a whole heap of trouble with her fateful choice...trouble that incidentally plaques our world today. The lesson is that she should have waited on the Lord...trusting in His faithfulness. God did send her and Abraham a son named Isaac...but that's another story.

I take matters into my own hands often...using other things to find comfort instead of going to the Lord. It is a constant lesson He is working on and unfolding in my life.

The next section shares that sometimes we cry out for a rescue from our circumstances instead of trusting in God and His promises no matter what the outcome. It's hard not to ask God to rescue us...and I think it's O.K. to ask Him as long as we do so, while still trusting Him no matter what the outcome.

What promises did you make to God and/or yourself?

Don't remember making promises to either of us...

What promises has God made to you?

Now we're talking...that's what matters...His promises to us.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
~Is. 43:2

Notice that He doesn't promise that you'll never walk through the waters...He just promises that when you do, they will not overflow you. And when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.

Why?

Because He walks with you...

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also, And where I go you know, and the way you know. ~ John 14:1-4

There are more beautiful verses and promise listed in the lesson. But, that's all I can do tonight. If you'd like to study them out yourself, I encourage you to do so. There is always encouragement in His Word.

Tonight...

I'm working on this week's Walking With You post. And, I just have to be honest. Tonight, through a throbbing sinus headache and bleary eyes, I don't feel like talking about the hard things. I don't feel like searching for answers. I don't feel like remembering.

Tonight, a sweet baby girl named Ella is on my mind. A sweet baby girl, whose mother I am honored to call my friend...a sweet baby girl who lived nine minutes on this earth after her birth, before joining her sister in heaven. My heart is with her and her husband as they grieve tonight. I longed to go to them myself today, but due to work, responsibilities at home, and schedule conflicts, I wasn't able to accompany my friend, Dawn (NILMDTS photographer), to meet sweet Ella. I'm struggling with the fact that I couldn't be there today, and heavy with thoughts of their sorrow.

When I think of the raw, fresh pain of grief as I am tonight, it seems there are no words of comfort. I'll be honest, I wonder if anything we're doing even comes close to offering a drop of comfort in the bottomless pit of sorrow left in a grieving parent's heart. It all seems so small in the face of that kind of sorrow...a bear, a memory book, some pictures, some mementos.

The truth is that nothing can fix that brokenness, nothing can ease that pain, nothing can make it better. Nothing on this earth, anyway. Nothing, except time spent in the loving arms of our heavenly Father. I know that. No words I say, no small offerings we give. None of it can bring a mother's baby back to her aching arms.

And, even as I know that...I also know (at least I hope) that those little things tell a mother that her child was here, that someone understands, that her dreams for her baby matter, her child matters, he or she has value. The pictures taken by those amazing NILMDTS photographers are priceless, beautiful gifts for a mother who has to fit a lifetime of love and memories in mere moments. They provide a tangible memory honoring a precious life.

I'm going to keep holding on to that to ease the questions swirling in my mind...questions about why we do what we do...and if it brings any comfort. Questions that are making it hard for me to find the words to encourage tonight. I will put up the Walking With You post soon. This week we're talking about "Getting Better and Busyness". (UPDATE: Post is up.)Please check the Walking With You page...but I'm not making any promises of eloquence or grand revelations this evening. Just the bare minimum. I am spending some time in my heavenly Father's arms tonight, hurting with my friend...and praying.

Sufficient Grace Coming Events ~ April (Including a TV Appearance!)

Sufficient Grace Ministries Upcoming Events

Each Thursday in April: Find comfort and encouragement on the Walking With You page as we continue the Threads of Hope Bible Study. Click here to read more.

Monday, April 5, 2010 at 9:00am...I will be appearing on the Grace for Today program on WTLW Channel 44 out of Lima, Ohio to share about Sufficient Grace Ministries. You will be able to view the program online if you are not local or do not get Channel 44. Please pray for this exciting opportunity to share our family's testimony of God's grace and the ministry that He has given us to share with others. Pray that my words would glorify God and that His grace would shine through. We will be posting a link to the appearance when it's available.

Saturday, April 17, 2010: Harvest Helping Hands ladies will be working on Comfort Bears for Sufficient Grace Ministries at Harvest Fellowship (Hamler, Ohio). Even if you cannot sew (like me!), but would like to help stuff bears and put together baskets, please join us. I will be there with some other work to do that does not involve sewing. Come for as little or as much time as you are able! Email me if you have any questions.

Weekend of April 17th: Sufficient Grace will be featured with an information table at a Scrapbooking Conference in Fremont, Ohio. I will make a brief appearance and share with the ladies there about the outreaches and mission of this ministry.(Please keep this in prayer.)

April, 30-May 1, 2010: Women of Faith and a little Sufficient Grace Gathering! If you're going to be in the area, and would like to meet Becki and I for dinner (Holly and a couple other friends are coming too!), we would love to see you there!

Paralyzed by Guilt and Fear?

If you have ever felt the smothering condemnation of guilt or the paralyzing bondage of fear, whether in the midst of grief or various trials...I encourage you to read the latest Walking With You Post on the Threads of Hope study. Click here. Join our discussion about battling guilt and fear in our Blog Frog community.

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Sweet Carleigh

Happy First Heavenly Birthday, sweet Carleigh! I cannot imagine the glory of heaven's celebration! You are dearly loved and greatly missed. Your life continues to impact many...including mine! And you have one beautiful mama, inside and out! But, you already know that, don't you?

Love and Prayers to the Haas family as they remember and celebrate Carleigh's precious life...

How Can I Go On? (Part Two...Guilt and Fear)

"I'm convinced that guilt is a natural part of the grief cycle. It's a human response of trying to find a logical, explainable answer for every tragedy. Yet the ramifications of unresolved guilt are profound...Rest your guilt-driven grief on God's grace. Please in Jesus' name, lay aside those feelings of guilt."

~ Jack Hayford, I'll Hold You in Heaven

In some ways, guilt is what mothers do. I battle guilt over my failings or perceived failings as a mother daily. Was that the best consequence? Did I miss that teachable moment? Have I spent enough time with my kids? Have I planted enough seeds of faith? How have I fallen short?

I fall short everyday in so many ways...

But, when a mother loses her child, that guilt is on a whole other level. Why couldn't I save my baby? Was it something I did...something I didn't do? Was it some medicine I took? Was I too active at work? Why didn't I go to the hospital sooner? Why couldn't I carry a child? Why do my children die while others live? Have I brought this suffering on my family....where there should be joy? What kind of a mother.......?

We wonder...and Satan stands accusing us in the darkness...

He is...

...the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night...(Rev. 12:10)

Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

He is loud and relentless...accusing you, whispering hateful lies in your ear day and night...standing before God Himself to accuse us.

But, guess what!

That ugly accuser...

...has been defeated by Jesus on the cross...

Jesus stands between us, interceding for us...and one sweet day...

(The) accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. (Rev. 12:10-11)

The blood of the Lamb I get...that's the blood of Jesus, shed for our sins, defeating death, sin, and Satan once and for all. But, the word of their testimony. Does that mean there is power in the testimony each of us has...the testimony of what God has carried us through...a testimony of clinging to Him in the midst of sorrow and praising Him in the storm? (Maybe that's why I never get tired of telling the story of what God has done in our lives!) That's worth some pondering.

What do these verses say about a guilty conscience?

Romans 8:1-2 tells us that: There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus...

But...you don't know what I've done...you don't know where I've walked...you don't know how I've sinned.

Maybe not, but do you really think that you've done anything that is too big for the blood of Jesus to cover? When He says that there is no condemnation...that's exactly what He means. Condemnation NEVER comes from God. His rebuke feels good...conviction is like a loving correction from a parent who loves you and wants what's best for you. That's how the Lord shows us we are wrong and lovingly brings us to a place of repentance and forgiveness. Condemnation is from the evil one, meant to cripple you with guilt, to tear down, destroy, paralyze, and break your spirit into pieces. One builds us up...the other tears us down. Do you see the difference?

What can we do with these strong, very real feelings of guilt?

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. - Heb. 10:22

Give it to the Lord...give it to the Lord...give it to the Lord again. Meditate on His word...know that you are covered in His blood. Trust in the truth of His word until the feelings catch up. Don't trust in what you feel...trust in what you know.

Jesus made propitiation for our sins that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and release those who through the fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. (Heb. 2:14-18

Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. -James 4:7-8

He came to free you from the bondage of your sin, your issues, your grief, your fears, your failures, your baggage, your brokenness, your dysfunctional family, your addictions, all of it...whatever it is. You are free. Resist thoughts to the contrary...run from them...flee...and run to the Lord's waiting arms. No matter how many times you have to run to Him...He is always waiting to receive you.

What fears do you have now that you didn't have before?

It has been many years since we lost our children, and God has healed many of my fears. But, I do remember being much more protective of Timothy...knowing in a different way that life is not to be taken for granted. It is definitely a stripping of innocence when you realize that life can quickly be taken. It makes you guard what you have been given and keep those you love closer.

I feel more fear since my mother passed away...fears I started to share, but I think for now I can only keep between myself and the Lord.

What thoughts or questions repeatedly plague you?
Again...not comfortable answering this...or even revisiting it...if you have an earnest struggle with something though...email me and we can talk privately.

What helps you when you are anxious?

Meditating on scripture.
Prayer....the "pouring it all out" kind of prayer...

How does God's Word comfort us in times of fear?

Fear not for I am with you,
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
~Is. 41:10,13

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
For you are with me; Your rod and staff, they comfort me...
~Psalm 23

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." (Abba is a term similar to "Daddy")
~ Romans 8:15

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
~2 Tim. 1:7
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While depression, fear, guilt, and anxiety are normal parts of grief to some degree, there can be a cause for concern in some cases. Depression and Anxiety are real and we can find healing and comfort through scripture and prayer, but there are also times when it is medically necessary to seek professional help. God still works through doctors and other therapeutic methods and they are sometimes necessary. If you are experiencing an abnormal level of depression and/or anxiety that is interrupting your sleep, appetite, and ability to function for a prolonged period of time, please seek the help of a professional.


Thank you for taking the time to read and for allowing us to walk with you on this path. Please take a little time to encourage one another. We will also have a discussion on the Blog Frog page on our blog

Love and prayers to all...

Sixteen Years of Loving and Learning

Sixteen years ago, I walked down the red carpeted aisle, wearing a cream-colored pant suit and holding a tiny antique bible decorated (by my mother) with white lace and burgundy ribbons, pearls, and tiny flowers and a small bouquet of ivory roses in my shaking hands. My long wavy hair was pulled up on one side with a white flower-encrusted comb. He waited for me at the end of the aisle, just a boy... barely two years older than our son is now...with a tender smile on his face. With shaking hands and tearful eyes, we made promises that were so much bigger than our eighteen- year- old selves could ever have conceived. Nothing was heard above the sound of our sniffles among the few who gathered with us that day.

We promised to love and cherish,

To honor and obey,

In sickness and in health,

For richer or for poorer...

Sixteen years ago, we made promises with lovely flowery words...and we felt the weight of what we didn't even know heavy on our shoulders. And, we have spent the last sixteen years, keeping those promises.

We have loved and cherished in times when one or both of us were unlovable. We have learned about the kind of love that isn't self-seeking, is patient and kind, always hopes, always endures, isn't puffed up, doesn't keep a record of wrongs. We have learned it over dirty dishes, unbalanced checkbooks, broken promises, unmet expectations, piled up laundry, broken stuff, parenting demands, and long work days. We have learned it while walking away...while returning...and while remaining and abiding. We have learned it when we've said the things that you can't take back...and forgiven those same things. We have learned while laughing until we cry...and crying until we laugh.

We have learned to honor each other when one or both of us is not deserving of honor...and when by the grace of God, we are. We've learned to obey the One who carries us, and to serve one another because of His example. We've learned to submit to one another as we submit to Him.

We have learned of sickness and we've been grateful for health. We have learned in the hospital rooms of those we loved, and in our own time spent in the hospital bed. We have learned while standing over the graves of our children and while both weeping and rejoicing in the birthing rooms where we've found both the promise of life on earth and eternal life in heaven.

We have learned while holding hands in prayer, lifting hands in worship, and allowing the Holy Spirit to work miraculously in our lives to make us one flesh. It is one of my favorite miracles, I must say...the uniting of two hearts and minds to make one flesh. A beautiful picture of love...the love He has for us and the love He gives to us for one another.

We have learned much...

And sixteen years, two apartments (early days), one little house (our dwelling for the last fifteen yrs.), several dogs (2 currently), five children (including three in heaven, one teenager, and one very lively nine-year-old), a few jobs, more losses, financial ups and downs, many good friends, countless answered prayers, lots of hard work, and some souls saved and lives changed in Jesus along the way... we are still learning. I never get tired of walking through this life with him. And I look forward to the next chapter.

Happy Anniversary, Tim...my love for you grows with each passing year and there is no one I'd rather walk through this life with, laughing along the way.

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Tomorrow (Thursday) on the Walking With You Page, we will be doing a lesson on Guilt and Fear from the Threads of Hope study. We'll be sharing encouragement through God's Word for those who are walking through the valley of grief.

Because Everyone Loves an Irish Girl...At Least That's What My Kelly Green Shirt Says!

In case you think I'm always serious...



You see, sometimes I'm kind of fun, crazy, and off-the-wall! Even the second graders I work with were "talking about" my outfit on St. Patrick's Day! (Except for a certain second grade friend of mine who happens to lovvvve green! He said, "OHHH Mrs. Gerken, you are wearing my favorite dark green, and all the colors of green!!" with a big grin that made all the other snickers worth it!) And, my kids said, "Wow, Mom!"...shaking their heads.

It made me smile, remembering when I was young and so caught up in what everyone else thought. To some degree, I still do care about a few things. But, definitely not whether I dress crazy on St. Paddy's day!

It reminds me of something my Irish father once said:

"With every decade you will concern yourself less with things...you will not get stressed out over every little thing. The things that bother you in your twenties, won't when you're thirty...and so on."

It sounds like every decade brings a little more freedom from the things that we hold on to, and the things that hold on to us, keeping us from fully being the person we were intended to be. And I think as I walk with the Lord, I am more O.K. with the person He has created me to be...with each passing year.

Depression and Loneliness ~ UPDATED ~

UPDATED: Walking With You post is now up...click the above picture/button to read what God's word reveals about depression and loneliness...Add your thoughts to the Blog Frog discussion on the sidebar on this page, too.

Each lesson in the Threads of Hope study covers so much material...so many scriptures, thoughts to ponder, so many emotions to sort through. I wasn't sure how that would all come out and fit into a weekly blog post. And, I'll admit, I think this study would be better to do in person with a small group or a live online meeting like Kristie is doing it.

To make things a little easier, I'm breaking this lesson into two weeks. We will talk about depression and loneliness this week and guilt and fear on next Thursday's Walking With You. If you already have your post ready and you did the entire lesson, that's O.K....just link the same post this week and next week. And, we will get around to encourage you. I hope you will take the time to read everyone's post and encourage one another. And, I'm sure everyone would appreciate feedback, even if you're not in the study, but find something is resonating with you or leaving you wondering. Our goal is to encourage one another and lift each other in prayer. Not place a burden on one another.

Even if you aren't in the study, and aren't a grieving mom...but would like to share thoughts on depression or loneliness, we'd love to hear your input. If you wanted to be in the study and feel that you aren't able, but would like to join in the discussion, I'd love to hear what's on your heart, too. And maybe we can encourage one another at The Blog Frog on my sidebar to the right. I'm going to start a discussion there, and I'd love to have anyone participate. I think we all could use some encouragement. I think it would really help others to know they are not alone.

The Walking With You Post will be up later today. Click here to read it: Walking With You.

How Can I Go On? (Part One - Depression and Loneliness)

To make things a little easier, I'm breaking this lesson into two weeks. We will talk about depression and loneliness this week and guilt and fear on next Thursday's Walking With You. If you already have your post ready and you did the entire lesson, that's O.K....just link the same post this week and next week. And, we will get around to encourage you. I hope you will take the time to read everyone's post and encourage one another. And, I'm sure everyone would appreciate feedback, even if you're not in the study, but find something is resonating with you or leaving you wondering. Our goal is to encourage one another and lift each other in prayer. Not place a burden on one another.

Even if you aren't in the study, and aren't a grieving mom...but would like to share thoughts on depression or loneliness, we'd love to hear your input. If you wanted to be in the study and feel that you aren't able, but would like to join in the discussion, I'd love to hear what's on your heart, too.

And maybe we can encourage one another at The Blog Frog. I'm going to start a discussion there, and I'd love to have anyone participate. (Click here to join in the discussion.) I think we all could use some encouragement. I think it would really help others to know they are not alone.


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Depression

Depression...such a taboo word in Christian circles. We aren't supposed to "grieve without hope". This is true and biblical. But does that mean we will never feel great sorrow or despair? Does it mean we will skip through life, death, and everything in between with a smile on our face...never questioning anything that comes our way, and loving every minute of it...no matter what it is? Is it wrong to feel grief and agony? Is it wrong to feel lonely, lost, hopeless, forsaken? Can we help those feelings when we lose someone we love dearly?

Let's look to the truth of God's Word to answer these difficult questions:

In Esther 4:1,3...we find grief being displayed by tearing of clothes, wearing of sackcloth and ashes (a sign of mourning), weeping, wailing, and fasting.

In II Corinth. 1:8b-9...we find God's people burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that they despaired even of life...
They had the sentence of death in themselves...(but what did they say?)They said, "we should trust not in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead".

Psalm 6:6...talks of being weary with groaning...crying all night, drenching the couch with tears until my eyes waste away with grief.

How can you tell when you are depressed?

Some people don't eat or can't eat. I have had a few moments like that. But...for the most part, all I want to do is eat. I'm an emotional/comfort eater.

I also struggle with insomnia when I'm depressed. I often can't sleep and then want to sleep when I should be awake...but cannot, as life marches on.

I withdraw and escape..sometimes just wanting to stay in my room. As a mother, we can't really put life on hold. But, there have been a few times during intense grief when I have retreated to my bedroom sanctuary...especially during the year after mom died. I also remember after we lost our twin daughters, Faith and Grace that I didn't leave my house for almost two months. Others would get groceries and run errands for me.


What does God's Word say about grief, tears, and God's response to our sorrow?

He numbers our wanderings...and puts our tears into a bottle...(see Psalm 56:8)

He sees us and keeps our sorrow close to Him. He is aware of every tear we cry. And He cares about us. Even our tears are precious to Him.

Psalm 126:5-6 holds one of my favorite promises. I have clung to it during the sowing of tears and rejoiced to see it's answer fulfilled during songs of joy.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying his sheaves with them. ~Psalm 126:5-6


What does it mean by "carrying seed to sow" and "carrying our sheaves"?

Sheaves are the stalks of grain that grow from the seeds that are sown. To me, the sheaves represent the promise that is coming. Our sorrow...our tears, our trials are like seeds we are sowing that will one day harvest a beautiful crop. In the midst of grief, we sow with tears, but as the Lord heals our brokenness and replaces our ashes with beauty...one day, we will sing with songs of joy.
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Loneliness

Have you felt alone or forsaken in your grief as the world moves on and you are still hurting? Have you wondered if God has turned His back on you or felt like turning your back on Him?

I talked last week about feeling forsaken. It's probably my "go-to" area of weakness...the lie Satan uses the most to buffet me when i am weak. Lies like: "Sure, God's promises are true, but not for you."

That was probably my biggest struggle with faith and grief after losing Faith, Grace, and Thomas...and even in grieving the loss of my mother. Will He really carry me through this? Has the Lord left me? Does He understand my sorrow...or is He disappointed that I am so broken-hearted?

The thing about grieving is that no one can fix it. People can pray and say loving things and even walk with you through your journey. But, nothing relieves that initial devestation...and nothing completely fills that empty space in your heart. I believe there is always a "missing place" felt for the one who has passed. But, that doesn't mean there is no hope of relief.

It's true no one on this earth can make it better. And, it's a lonely walk...as others move on...back into life and a grieving mother still hurts, frozen in her pain, not ready to move forward, not finished healing.

People will let us down. They will not always understand...not always say the right thing. Wives and husbands can even feel lonely with one another, as they grieve differently. He may not want to talk about it...while she may need to relive every moment to get the feelings out. There is a way to respect each other's need to grieve differently. Refer to this post for more information.

The following verses are some of the ones I clung to myself when I felt lonely and forsaken in the thick of grief. We are to look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, to know how to walk through this life. And, as we do...we find that our Savior understands grief and loneliness quite well.


In Luke 22, we find Jesus praying alone...His friends couldn't even stay awake! He is praying in agony, sweating great drops of blood as He asked the Lord to let this cup (His impending death on the cross) pass from Him. Even in His agony, though, He says..."Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours be done.". He took His agony and His request to the Father...yet He trusted in the Sovereign Father's will.

Do you know what struck me and brought me comfort all those years ago when I laid on my tear stained couch? What comforted me the most about these verses?

That Jesus gets it.

Jesus didn't skip through the sorrow with a pasted smile on His face. He was in so much agony, he was sweating great drops of blood as He wrestled with what was about to become of Him. It wasn't easy...He cried out in prayer and agony in His Spirit...that even manifested in His flesh. Too often, Christians think we can't admit that we are hurting, struggling, depressed, grieving. We think we are supposed to have it all together and only display a happy face. I'm not saying it's O.K. to be consumed with depression and sorrow...to wallow in defeat. Jesus didn't do that. But, there is a time for sorrow and grief. Jesus felt those feelings...agony, sorrow, forsaken, overwhelmed, full of dread, despising what was to come.But He took them to the Father in prayer. He knew where to go, and who to trust.

How might our grief be a temptation to turn away from God completely?

Some people turn away from God in the midst of tragedy. People may feel angry, forsaken, thinking God has turned their back on Him. I've heard others share that they wondered, "How could a loving God allow this to happen?"

Trouble will come in life with or without God. He doesn't send trials, and His heart breaks when we hurt. True comfort can only be found when we turn to the Lord...and more pain and loneliness will rule in our hearts if we choose to turn away. But, God leaves that choice up to us.

What did Jesus know of grief and loneliness?

In Isaiah 53...He was despised, rejected, a man of sorrows, aquainted with grief..

In Hebrews 5, we find Him crying out with vehement cries, and tears to the One who was able to save Him.

Throughout scripture, we find Jesus going off alone to pray...and we see that even those closest to Him betrayed Him and turned their back on Him.

Who is there for us in loneliness and grief?

Deut. 31:8
And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you.
He will be with you,
He will not leave you nor forsake you,
Do not fear nor be dismayed.

Psalm 73
Nevertheless, I am continually with you...

John 16:32
I am not alone because the Father is with me.

Romans 8:35-39
Nothing can separate us from His love...

If you get nothing else from this post, please just know that Jesus gets your sorrow, your pain, your grief, your depression, and your loneliness. He gets it...He weeps with you...nothing separates you from His love...and He will never leave you or forsake you. Turn toward Him, lean into Him, pour your heart out to Him...He is there.

I Never Get Tired of...

I'm so glad Wednesdays Walk is back...thanks Jenilee!

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Life is busy, and sometimes I get really tired (bet I'm not alone there!)...so I thought I'd take a minute and start a list of things that I never get tired of.

I never get tired of...

...the evidence of spring blooming...with the promise of hope and life resurrecting from the ashes of winter.

...riding my bike in the sunshine with James.

...the sound of little boy giggles and even man-voice laughter.

...watching Father and Son playing catch in the yard.

...the sounds of the creek water rushing with the backdrop of a robin's song paying homage to the Creator.

...the sound of my husband's guitar...and his tender voice, blending with mine... as he sings songs of worship.

...watching a soul get saved.

...watching a life changed in Jesus...especially the life of someone I love.

...reading a story of redemption.

...listening to one of Timothy's stories.

...watching my boys do almost anything.

...laughter through tears.

...laughing with Tim, anytime.

...a great conversation with a close friend...preferably over lunch!

...waiting for my husband after church. It's a different kind of waiting, and I like it.

...the sound of James reading his bible.

...the sound of children singing sweet simple songs of worship...or shouting praise unabashedly.

...the sight of my husband in a stocking cap.

...the touch of his hand as we pray together.

...when the Holy Spirit reveals a new truth from a familiar scripture.

...the soft shades of green against a blue sky.

...the feel of a golf swing the rare moment when it all comes together the way it should.

Spring is springing, and with it comes baseball games and golf tournaments, spending time outdoors enjoying the beauty of the world God made. And cherishing the people he gave us to walk through this life with. Every year, I love this time of awakening. And, this year is no exception. Right now, it is on my heart to remember where we have once walked, and all that God has brought us through.

I'm grateful for the simple moments I can share with my "people"...my family. It's a simple life...but it's our life!

I'd love to hear what you "never get tired of".

Happy Wednesday...thanks for stopping by!

Loving Your Husband in His Language...

In the spirit of using this blog and this ministry to encourage all women, not just those who are grieving, I'd like to switch gears this morning and talk about a touchy subject. I've been wanting to write about this subject for awhile, and a few recent conversations, as well as an article in the latest Focus on the Family magazine, prompted me to finally talk about it here.

I'll warn you, I am speaking to wives in this post. (Although, husbands out there reading...and I know there are a few...you might thank me for this!) I'll be adding this post to the encouraging women page to remain for future visitors, because truly, I think what we're about to discuss is that important. And, I hope we do discuss it. I hope you will comment or email to share what is on your own heart about this. Just, please remember to keep it honoring to God and your husband...as I hope my words will be as well.

So...what is this very important topic that wives need to start talking about and offering a little more encouragement?

Intimacy in marriage...loving your husband in his love language...

I have found in conversations over the years, with married friends of mine, that the subject of marital intimacy can be a real issue. I don't want to stereotype, because it can sometimes be the other way around. But, much of the time husbands enjoy feeling loved by their wives in a physical way. Women often feel loved when we are most secure, with gentle words of affirmation, time spent together, as well as physically.

In encouraging female friends of mine over the years, I have heard many say that they need to feel loved by their husbands in order to enjoy the physical part of marriage. They may say, "I wish my husband would..."(fill in the blank.). Some may enjoy physical intimacy, but fail to make it a priority...getting busy with the needs of children, work, home, etc.

In sixteen years of marriage, I've learned a few things that I'd like to share with you...woman-to-woman. These things are thoughts I've shared with friends who struggle in this area. And, although, I'm hardly an expert... and feel a little shy even talking about it, I think it's something that's important. Don't worry, I'll keep it pure.

1. Make time with your husband a priority, and start speaking his love language. While you should not go into this with thoughts of what you may get out of it (Physical intimacy should never be used to manipulate.), you may be surprised to find that if you are more physically affectionate and open to him, he may respond by being more loving with you in your love language. As he feels more secure in your love, he will reach out to you in more loving ways. Maybe words of affirmation...maybe hugs...you will be surprised at how you can melt his heart with your love. And, yes...it really is that simple.

2. Do not underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in marriage. A good friend of mine calls it the "glue that holds us together". God designed sex in marriage to be a blessing. The marriage bed is "pure and undefiled". So, we are supposed to enjoy one another, and make it fun. (Don't believe me? Have you ever read the Song of Solomon?) Yes, it is for the purpose of reproduction...but also so much more. It is meant to be a blessing to both of you. Have you ever noticed that when we neglect this part of our relationship, there is more tension and distance? But, when we are making it a priority, there is a bond of affection and often more patience. We look at each other through eyes of love. And that love and commitment is renewed and solidified in the act of marriage. (The Act of Marriage is also the name of a really good book that encourages Christian couples in this area, too!)

3. Remember that your husband speaks a physical love language. Your love and respect give him confidence to be the man he is called to be. He needs this from you. It is part (a big part) of your role as helpmate. If he swats you on the behind as he walks through the kitchen, take it as a compliment and a sign of his affection. Be glad he thinks your behind is "swat-worthy". And, you may just be surprised, if you begin responding to him in a physical way how he will respond to you.

4. Communicate with your husband about your needs and intimacy, using words of love and affirmation. And make sure he feels safe communicating with you. Remember this gift in marriage is not just for your husband, but for you too!

5. Don't let your body image keep you from enjoying your husband physically. Some wives feel less than perfect (aren't we all!), especially when comparing themselves to the unattainable images bombarding us in all forms of media. I think most husbands, though, are less critical, and maybe don't even see the flaws we see when we look in the mirror. Most of the time, a man enjoys the soft physical beauty of his wife, and sees her through the eyes of love. I know this may not always be the case, but I think it is most of the time.

If this is an area you struggle with, I hope you found a little encouragement here. And, hopefully this doesn't offend anyone. I just want to encourage wives to make loving their husbands a priority.

Be blessed and encouraged today! Now...go give your man a big kiss and tell him how great he is!

Walking With You...Anger

It's kind of long and messy...but the new Walking With You post is up. There are some tender pieces of my heart shared there, so please be gentle. I am feeling a little raw and overexposed tonight. Praying for God's grace and protection. This was really hard to do, and I am wondering if anything I put into words will even have any worth or be of any help. I pray that it will, for it has been a struggle to share my heart on this topic. And there is still much on my mind and heart that I didn't share.

We are talking about anger and forgiveness...so, even if you haven't lost a child, this week's study may be relevant to you. Visit the Walking With You page to read it.

Lesson 4 ~ Anger

If you wish to learn more about Walking With You, click on the button above, or visit previous posts. I need to just dive in today, or this post won't make it to publish.

This week, our Threads of Hope lesson focused on anger. I'll be honest, the questions and scriptures in this study cut me to the core, and I am still trying to process some of what was revealed...some of what is still being revealed...under the layers I hide behind so well. There is so much on my heart, and I'm not sure if I can or will...or even should share it all.

How was anger expressed in your home when you were a child?

Although I feel that this is relevant to what we are studying, it is difficult to share. It's important to me to honor my parents. And, I pray that my words do nothing to bring them dishonor. I share it because it shaped who I am and how I respond...and even some of the things I struggle with. God has brought about so much healing in my life...and He isn't finished yet.

I don't remember a lot of anger being expressed when I was a child. As a teenager, my mother and I shared quite a few volatile emotional outbursts, as many teenagers and parents do. I was rebellious and disrespectful. She was a single mother, exhausted from working second shift...and trying to raise three children.

My parents were divorced before I was three years old. My father moved several states away sometime after I was about eight. The only memory I have of my parents interacting with each other, they were yelling as I stood between them. I was the subject of the argument. Afterward, my father left and I did not see him again for many years.

How do you express anger now?

With tears...and unfortunately venting and even emotional outbursts at times. I have been known to raise my voice. And...just like any other time, I have way too many words. I need to work on that quick to listen, slow to speak thing...

What three warnings did God give concerning our anger in Ephesians 4:26-27?
1. Be angry and do not sin.
2. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.
3. Nor give place to the devil.

(#3 is corrected: I had originally written, "nor give place to bitterness"...but that was a typing error. I was looking at one thing and typed another. Although...stearing clear of bitterness is also a good idea!)

How long have you been angry? How has it affected you?

I am not generally an angry person. I doubt that anyone in my life would describe me that way. I actually hate to be mad at someone or have conflict with others, even if I might be "justified" in feeling anger. It isn't a place I like to dwell. I would rather forgive and feel restored. The weight of anger is not something I have the energy or desire to bear.

Having said that, there was a time when anger and bitterness stole my joy and weighed heavily on my heart after losing three of my babies. When Faith and Grace went to heaven, I was so desperate to have a baby to ease the ache of our empty arms. We thought Thomas would be that child. But, after receiving a fatal diagnosis and watching the life drain from my husband's face...after walking through that pregnancy and leaving the hospital without our baby again, grief came...and then anger.

For a good year, I was angry...not at God, or Tim...just angry. Angry that my babies weren't here. Angry that I had to feel this horrible grief, again...still. Angry that other people could have babies and I couldn't give that to my family. Angry for all that we had lost, angry for the joy that had been stolen from something that should be happy. Angry that other people could have baby showers and celebrate. Don't get me wrong...I didn't begrudge them their joy...I was just angry that I couldn't experience that joy. And...some of it wasn't really anger as much as hurt. It just hurt...so much.

What makes you most angry about your loss?

I don't recall feeling as angry, I guess, but more hurt. It has been thirteen years since we said goodbye to our baby girls and eleven since we last held our Thomas. So, I certainly am not angry now. I was angry for awhile over what we were missing, but that was many years ago. I remember one day, on the floor of my bedroom, I cried out...pouring all of my bitterness before the Lord and He began to lift that burden. He healed and restored that broken place....making beauty from the ashes, as He has done so many times in my life.

I have felt some anger, or not even really anger...but at least questioning, with the loss of my mother. She suffered so terribly. It was unspeakably horrible to watch. There are still nightmares sometimes. In my dreams, I feel as if I should have been able to stop her from dying. Even though, I know that isn't' true. Somewhere inside, I am still not O.K. with her death. I don't understand why she had to suffer so much, and leave us so early. At the time, I couldn't feel God's presence, couldn't hear His voice, couldn't see Him comforting and carrying her as I kept promising her He would. I felt deserted. I believe He was there...but only by faith. I couldn't see or feel the comfort of His presence during that hideous time of darkness...the way I did with Faith, Grace, and Thomas.

Sometimes, as irrational as it is, I'm even a little angry at her for leaving me here. And, I know that sounds juvenile and crazy. But I miss her desperately. And there are some things that only she would understand, relate to, enjoy, or care about. No one knew me like she did and no one loved me like she did. (Yes, I know I am dearly loved by the beautiful people in this house...and for that I am grateful.)Her absence alters the rest of my life. Every holiday, every birthday, every amazing thing that my kids do...everything is different without her here. It's not that I don't go on...and enjoy life...and live life. It isn't that God isn't here comforting me. I am living...and He is comforting. But the ache of missing her does not leave. And the myriad of emotions regarding her suffering and her passing are still very powerful.

The study asked that we chart our anger responses to:

Ourselves...

After losing the babies, I felt some disappointment, regret, and maybe anger with myself, I suppose. It was unreasonable, but I felt as if I had somehow brought this sorrow on my family.

I regret not cherishing every moment with my mom, not taking her to the ocean one more time, I regret the years I spent letting anger come between us.

I am angry with myself that I have struggled with many things lately...that I have let myself go in many ways...choosing to eat unhealthy...that I am disorganized. Really, I'd like to just stop listing now.

My response...disappointment in myself, eating for emotional comfort, withdrawal.

God...

I don't feel angry at God, but I have felt hurt and forsaken. Feeling forsaken, left, unloved...that is something I have battled throughout my life.

When I feel this way with the Lord, I practice avoidance. I withdraw under layers of something that I can grab quickly for comfort.

After mom suffered and finally went home to heaven, the hurt was so intense, I couldn't pray. My prayers consisted of choking sobs of "I'm sorry God...I just can't...it hurts too much." My pastor reminded me that that was still prayer. God welcomes us and even longs for us to come to Him ...just as we are...broken and full of hurts and needs.

Eventually, I could talk to Him again. But, He still recognized my choking sobs when there were no words.

Others...

I pull away first...and if I'm close enough to the person emotionally, there may be a verbal venting.

How did your partner respond to losing your child?

After losing our children, my husband withdrew emotionally. He retreated so far emotionally that I wondered if he would ever come back. And, it looked like at one point, he may not. I think it also intensified his feeling to protect our family from the things that he did have control over. Loss of control and fear was an issue for both of us.

God has beautifully healed and restored that time of brokenness. There are not words to express how precious it is to me...seeing the fruits of God's healing in our marriage and in the heart of my amazing husband. A beautiful, lasting love was born from that pain. It is a gift I cherish everyday.

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This question stopped me in my tracks...

Is there anyone with whom you are still angry?

Yes...

Although God has brought about much healing and forgiveness in my life and my family, I am still angry, and hurt by a few people in my life. The answer surprised me. I didn't expect to have powerful feelings of hurt and anger rise up at the asking of that question. Some of it has to with our losses...and some of my anger has to do with other things.

As I've pondered over the past couple of days, trying to come to terms with all these feelings and their source, it seems a couple common themes emerge.

The people I am angry with or feel hurt by have disappointed me. They have not met my expectations. You could say that my expectations were justified. (And indeed, I don't expect a great deal from others...just mostly myself.) After all, certain people should support you, show love to you, should be counted on to carry your burdens with you, and "hold your rope" so to speak. When they don't, it hurts.

So...theme one boils down to unmet expectations.

Theme two would be feeling forsaken, left, deserted.

Pictures flash through my mind...

...of the eight-year-old girl standing on the porch as my dad drove away in his red Mazda...

...the mother who cried out in prayer to her heavenly Father, for her baby girls night and day...now hearing only silence as the snowflakes fell outside the window, welcoming her baby girls to the world they had already left...

...the same mother standing in the hallway, looking out into the pouring rain, wondering how she would say goodbye to another baby, while the only sound she could hear was the hateful voice whispering in her ear, ringing through her mind, "Where is Your God Now?"...

...the same girl, this time a daughter... watching helplessly, standing beside her Mother's bed as she writhed in agony and wasted away. Stroking her mother's hair, she tearfully spoke promises of truth from scripture, all the time wondering where on earth her (heavenly) Father was...until the day He came to take her home...and she realized she would have to stand without her mother...

I have felt forsaken...again and again. But is it true? Does feeling it make it so?
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Here is the truth about unmet expectations and feeling forsaken. Expectations almost always set us up to be disappointed. We place expectations on other people based our own ideals. They may not have the capacity to meet that expectation, and should be accepted as they are. We think a father, grandparent, sibling, spouse, child, etc. should act a certain way. We are hurt when they do not. I have found that there is great freedom and peace when I free others from my expectations of them. They need not fulfill some role in my life. I can love them because Jesus loves them and He will enable me to love them, too. I can take my hurts and my needs to Him to meet and not the person who is unable or unwilling to meet them.

Thus says the Lord:
Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord.
For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inherited.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope is the Lord.
~Jer. 17:5-7


And, I suppose this is the reason it's so hard for Christians to talk about feelings like anger. We are uncomfortable with those feelings, because we know what we're supposed to do. We are supposed to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to show love. We are not supposed to let a root of bitterness form in our hearts, keep a record of wrongs, think selfishly, etc.

So, how does all of that fit together...anger and forgiveness?

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Christ forgave you. ~ Eph. 4:31-32

We are to put away anger and forgive. How does that look, anyway? I don't know the answer to that. I think that although I do have some feelings of anger, and even more just feelings of hurt... when I think of certain incidents with some of the people in my life, I do not feel as if I'm trying to dwell on those feelings. I have tried to give them to the Lord, to pray for the individuals. When they are before me, the Lord has enabled me to display grace and even love. I do not feel that I am holding bitterness in my heart. Sometimes I feel anger and hurt, but that is not a place I dwell. Does that mean I haven't forgiven? What will it look like when I have? Will I not have those feelings anymore? What can I do in the meantime?

What I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that we have to practice forgiveness. We have opportunities to forgive..to show love and grace. It may not come all at once. But, we can continue to give all of our hurts to the Lord and allow Him to work...to comfort...heal...forgive...and restore. In time, maybe the feelings with catch up.

At the same time I am wondering how forgiveness can be achieved when the hurt remains...

I also wonder about the feeling of being forsaken.

Does feeling it make it so?

People have left me...that is true. Whether through their own choosing, or through death, I have been left behind. I'm sure we have all experienced that in some way. But, what of God? Has He forsaken me? He is sovereign. So nothing that happens to us comes without His knowledge. While He doesn't send sickness, death, or sorrow...He could have prevented it. He could have spared my mother the terrible suffering. He could have knitted our children together perfectly. He could have. But, He didn't. Does that mean we are forsaken?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written:
"For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:35-39

The truth is that we are never forsaken...and that nothing separates us from His love for us. Not even the things we don't understand.

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The study asks us to list our "what-ifs" and " if-onlys". I listed a couple above, but I just can't say anymore about that. It is a place I don't wish to revisit.

I appreciate the scriptures shared from Psalm 139, reassuring us that our children's lives were and are in God's hands. Their times were in His hands.

Faith's, Grace's, and Thomas' frames were not hidden from You,
When they were made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw their substance being yet unformed.
And in Your book, they were all written, the days fashioned for them...
~ using Psalm 139:15-16 (with our children's names inserted)

And the same is true for my mom...

And the same is true for me...

And the same is true for you...

We are in His hands. And, regardless of my hurts...there is no place I'd rather be.

Blessed is He whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord, his God. ~Psalm 146:5

So Much Harder Than I Expected...

This week's Walking With You (from the Threads of Hope bible study) is about anger. It is, quite frankly, taking me to places that I'd rather not revisit, as well as places I didn't even know existed. It is stripping, humbling, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, nitty-gritty stuff. What's funny is that I was afraid when we started this study that it wouldn't go deep enough...that it was going to be too cotton candy, too scratching the surface. Not even a little. Now, I'm wondering if it may be too much. Because right now, I'm feeling a little broken by this study...and not so much by the study as what I'm seeing in my own heart. God's Word is so powerful...and tonight, it has brought me to my knees.

Do you know what else is funny? I'm one of the least angry people I know, or so I thought. I don't really keep a record of wrongs, (well...not too often, anyway). If I have an issue with someone (or they with me), I like to resolve it as soon as possible...hate grudges, couldn't have one if I tried. I would always much rather forgive than stay angry.

And yet...this study has been such a revealing look into places I would rather stay hidden. Painful places that still hurt. As I've tried to work on the study for the past couple days, I've realized that this is so much harder than I thought it would be. It's hard to look at anger...hard to talk about it...hard to admit that it's there. (That last one might be the hardest part for me.). I can only look so long before I put the book down and cower away from the powerful feelings stirring in my heart. I'm not even sure if it is anger...but whatever it is, it is powerful and it hurts.

If you are looking for this week's Walking With You, please be patient, as I try to reconcile what I have thought to be true with what is actually in my own heart. I'm not even sure if I can share what is stirring and threatening to pour out of me. I will try to get it up late Thursday or Friday...

Please pray for me and the others brave enough to work through these difficult feelings. This is really hard. But...I do think it will be worth it. All the best stuff seems to come at a cost. I guess that's how we know how valuable it is.

One last thing...even if you have not lost a child, I encourage you to take a look at the Walking With You posts on anger this week, when we finally do get them up. Because, I'm finding this anger thing...it isn't isolated to those who grieve. We ALL deal with it...even those of us who may not think it's an issue at all.

A Familiar Face, New to Sufficient Grace

Last weekend, we had a long-overdue Sufficient Grace meeting to welcome a new face to the Sufficient Grace Ministries team. Although, her lovely face is probably familiar to most of you, she has taken a new position on our ministry board. And, we are so grateful for her willing heart to serve the Lord and grieving families with us. I have long been blessed and encouraged by her tireless heart of compassion, even in the midst of her own grief. I love her positive attitude. She is a shining example of one who "grieves with hope". Most of you have read her story of a mother's love for her daughter. It's a story of hope, courage, and faith. Most of you have read of the life of sweet Carleigh. If you haven't, please click over to "meet" this beautiful family, and the newest member of Sufficient Grace Ministries: Holly Haas.



Welcome, Holly! We are so glad to have you with us. Tim, Becki, and I have been praying for someone else to join us since a former board member stepped down for personal reasons. Becki has served with me for many years, even before we formed Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women. Becki and I published The Women's Edge Newsletter to encourage women with biblical truth, before I was pregnant with Faith and Grace! (Since they would be teenagers now, that was quite awhile ago!) I am so grateful for Becki's support, encouragement, eye for design, fun personality, business sense, and friendship as we serve together in ministry.

My husband is the fourth member of our board. He is more of a behind the scenes supporter. He does have a say in every decision we make, though. I appreciate his wisdom, support, and encouragement. He heads up the music portion of our ministry outreach, which we hope to develop more in the near future.

As I'm sharing this, I just want to also give you a little window into something God has been revealing to me, and to the rest of Sufficient Grace. This morning, our pastor was teaching about leadership in the church and ministry. Some of the verses REALLY hit home for me. As I've often shared my struggle with balancing family, ministry, work, and life...weariness creeps up on me, more often than I'd like to admit.

Moses was leading the people of Israel, and his father-in-law, when seeing all that he was trying to do on his own said this:
"...The thing that you do is not good. Both you and these people who are with you will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself. Listen now to my voice; I will give you counsel, and God will be with you. Stand before God for the people, so that you may bring the difficulties to God." ~ Exodus 18:18-19

There are many needs, and I have much on my heart to do. The problem is that I have tried to carry too much of the burden, when there are willing hearts waiting to help. God has really been working on me with this. Most recently, it has become evident as I've dropped the ball a couple times...losing an order for a Dreams of You Memory Book, getting behind on paperwork, donation recording, and general organizing. Everyone serving in this ministry is so busy that I haven't wanted to add what I've viewed as my responsibilities to their burden. But, it has grown to be too much. And God is showing me that it's time to share the burden with those who are willing.

So it will be easier for you, for they will bear the burden with you. If you do this thing, and God so commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all this people will also go to their place in peace. ~ Exodus 18:22b-23

So, we are working to regroup and redistribute responsibilities...and most of all get everything in order as we adjust to the growth of Sufficient Grace. You may see correspondence from Becki, Holly, or myself if you donate or place an order. We are working together, and will continue to do so...sharing the burdens (or privileges rather...for it is a privilege to serve)...so that we will not grow weary.

Please pray for us as we adjust, looking forward to what God has planned for the next chapter...and thank you for your continued support.

In His Grace,
Kelly

P.S. A few people have asked if our church provides podcasts. I'm happy to announce that podcasts are now available on the new Harvest Fellowship website. Hear wonderful, encouraging, verse-by-verse teaching from our (much-loved) Pastor James here.

Walking With You - Threads of Hope, Lesson 3

New Walking With You post...Threads of Hope ~ Lesson 3. Please click on over to the Walking With You page, and even if you don't participate, please pray for and encourage those who do.

And also, please pray for three-year-old, Joshua, who is battling cancer and for my friend, Stacy Delisle who is giving birth to her sweet daughter, Eliana today! Thank you Jesus!!!!

Weep with those who weep...and rejoice with those who rejoice...

Love to all...

Threads of Hope ~ Lesson 3

Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. We are a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child. We gather together from different places on our journey, each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength.


This month for Walking With You, we will be going through the Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible Study for the next nine weeks. Even if you have not joined us previously, I hope you will join us for this. All are welcome. My prayer is that it will bring hope and much-needed encouragement to hearts that are grieving.

*Because a lot of material will be covered in each study, you may share as much or as little as you wish about what speaks to you. You may answer every question on your post, or just choose one particular concept or scripture that spoke to you. Share as little or as much as you are able.

I'll admit, I was a little disappointed that there weren't more participants in last week's study. It seemed like there was so much enthusiasm about starting it. (I am grateful to those of you who did participate, though!) And, I hope it was a blessing to others, even if we didn't hear from you. I know how busy everyone is. Believe me, I'm giving up much-needed sleep so that I can just get this post up! If you missed last week, you can still join in anytime...or just comment if you don't wish to post. We appreciate the input and encouragement, too! If you do post, don't feel like you have to cover everything in the study. It is a lot for a blog post. Just share what you wish. O.K....I'll get off my soap box, now. Please just know, that you are always loved and welcome here...to come as you are.

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We begin this week's study with Joseph's father receiving the news of his son's "death". His expression of grief in Genesis 37:31-35 is heart wrenching and raw. He tore his clothes, refused to be comforted, wept, and said that "he would go down into the grave with his son".

I can relate to this. Looking back on my own initial grief with Faith and Grace, I am met with images of myself wailing in an unrecognizable voice from the deepest pit of my soul. It is a blurry image without details...just mind-numbing sorrow. Beyond reason sorrow. And one word of denial shouted above it all..."Nooooooooo...". I can even remember fleeting depths of pain so great that I did wish I could join them...not that I would have taken it into my own hands. But, my longing for them was so great and the pain so intense, I felt desperate for relief...desperate to be where they are.

I love Joseph's response to his brothers who had wronged him terribly:

Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. ~ Gen. 50:19-21

There are things in life that are hurtful...things meant for evil that God is able to use for good, in order to save many...to comfort many...to heal the hearts of many. We need not be afraid, because our Comforter will carry us and provide for us.

With Faith and Grace, I could relate more to Joseph's father with regards to my grief response. But, with Thomas, my response resembled that of Job. Not that would hold myself up as a Job or even say that I am in his league of displaying faith through suffering. But, his response resonated with me often during my own walk through that dark valley. As far as Job's wife goes...yes, I have seen others turn away from God in the face of grief, instead of toward Him. It is a common response.

I took comfort in the book of Job, often, as we processed the news that Thomas would not dwell long with us on this earth. I wrote a prayer the night we heard the words "incompatible with life". At the end of the prayer, I had scrawled Job 13:15 and Job 1:20.

Job 13:15
Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.

Job 1:20
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I studied Job...wanting to know how to do this...how to survive it...how to find hope in the midst of it...how to please God even with a shattered heart, as we walked this path. It gave me comfort to see that the people of the bible struggled with the same things that I did.

Job 3:25-26
For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me,
And what I dreaded has happened to me.
I am not at ease, nor am I quiet;
I have no rest, for trouble comes.

It also brought me great comfort that God noticed, acknowledged, and understood my sorrow. It is stated that through all of Job's suffering, he did not sin. He was overwhelmed, wanted to die, agony tore at him, and he even questioned God. Still, he is counted as faithful. I needed to know that feeling overwhelmed by grief, wondering why, not joyfully skipping through this pain was not wrong. Feeling all of that...not loving the suffering... didn't mean I wasn't faithful.

Walking this journey with Thomas, I learned about blessing God in the giving and in the taking away. For in both, He is good...He is faithful...and He is worthy of our praise. It is a precious gift.

I also love how God restored Job's losses...and blessed him greater in the end of his life than in the beginning. Oh...His promises are perfect and true.

The next section shares on the steps or stages of grief. I encourage you to read this, especially if you are newly walking this path. It does help to understand what you are feeling, and what you can possibly expect to feel. There is also a place to list the major events and losses you've experienced. I'm not going to list all of that in this post...but I will say...God has carried me through many losses and trials, redeemed and restored much that was broken and taken from me, and He has healed so many hurts. Much has been taken...but much more has been given. And, for that I am grateful.

I leave you with some instructions for us and some promises from our faithful God...

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. ~ I Peter 5:6-11



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A Little Blog Party Fun

I've been feeling a little lonely in blogland lately, and a little bit heavy with the demands of this life. So...I thought I'd lighten things up with a little fun Blog Parade! Thanks Abigail!

1. What's your favorite time of the day, and why?

I like the evening, after dinner when everyone's bellies are full and satisfied. The day is winding down, and we've settled in to enjoy the peace and quiet (or raucous laughter) of home.

2. If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?

Although, I have a fondness for most things chocolate, it has to be Doritos...hands down. I've never met a Dorito I didn't like!

3. If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?

Hmmmm, I think I wish that I could do ministry work full time.

4. What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?

In a house full of boys, I am teased a lot about everything! Let's see...my girly golf swing...my forgetfulness? I suppose I get teased (sometimes lovingly and sometimes in annoyance) for being late. I'm working on that!

5. If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?

I love Johnny and June at the end of the movie Walk the Line...not the parts full of turmoil or all the mistakes they made...but the end, when they are ministering to the prisoners. Actually, the movie doesn't show them singing gospel music, but they did that. What I love about Johnny and June wasn't so much depicted in the movie, as in their real lives. I love their story of redemption and love...not so much they way they started out...but the way they ended up. Johnny became a Christian, and had a heart for the lost. (Of course, I would be June and Tim would be Johnny Cash...and we'd be singing about Jesus! Hey, it's my fantasy, right? I can make up the rules!) I'd love to be able to minister to others through music with my husband. In some ways, we are already being allowed to do that. So, who knows? (By the way, my love for Johnny and June is probably another thing close friends tease me about!)

6. If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

I'd love to play the piano.

7.If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?

Somewhere warm with lots of sunshine...a beautiful beach on the ocean...and lots of golf courses. Maybe Disneyworld, too. I think that would keep everyone in our family happy!

8. If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?

While I'm not an awesome singer by any means, I do love to sing...especially with my husband who is just bravely learning to sing along with his wonderful guitar playing. We like folksy-rock music...with Christian lyrics, of course.

Like this...(my husband and I singing This Little Light of Mine during church worship)




9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?

Home Depot...to purchase new carpet and flooring, paint, and other remodeling items.
Guitar Center...to purchase music equipment

10. If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?

Don't laugh, but sometimes I'd like to live in the '50's. I'd like to stay home and focus on my family, rather than working outside the home. And, I would love to wear pretty dresses everyday. But, I would miss the internet! Now is good...and I suppose someday I could stay home...and maybe even wear pretty dresses in the time we're living in! =)

11. If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?

My color loves vary...so hard to choose just one. Maybe turquoise right now? Other times, it could be fuchsia...and I always like a lot of black!

12. If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be?
(Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)

Lately...Sleepy! But, most of the time...Happy!

13. What's the last album you listened to?

Stephen Curtis Chapman - Beauty Will Rise

14. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a missionary, an actress, a writer, or a political journalist! =)