Loving Our Husbands

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O.K., before I even begin this post, I must warn you that it is going to be much more than a little nugget. In fact, it is insanely long. I hope you will stay with me anyway, and I pray that you will be encouraged. This is sort of a combined Tuesdays Together and a post-I've-been-thinking-of-writing-for-awhile-to-encourage-wives-in-their-marriages. We are going to be talking about submission. Don't leave...it may surprise you. O.K., let's dig in...

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
I Peter 3:1-6

These verses are some of the greatest nuggets of wisdom for a wife. So many times women hear the word submission and recoil. I have heard pastors teach on submission, reminding couples that it is an easy and beautiful thing to submit to a husband who is doing his part by "loving His wife as Christ loved the church". Yes, that is true. (I have experienced it, and it is glorious.) But my personal advice to wives would be to not even read the parts of scripture that are meant for the husband. Don't even worry about how he should be loving you or behaving toward you. Focus on the words that are meant for you. Thinking about what your husband should do just tempts you to have a wrong attitude, feeds ungratefulness, division, envy, leads to unnecessary expectations, and other things that are really none of your business. How your husband should behave is between Him and the Lord. Focus on what is for you and stay away from the rest.

So, back to what is meant for us as wives. Be submissive. Submitting takes trust and humility. And it begins with trusting the Lord. Recently, a few of you have written that your husbands are not quite walking with the Lord. Some have wondered if submitting applies to you. The answer is "Yes". Years ago, when my husband did not attend church with me, someone made the comment that it was easier for me because she had to submit to her husband (because he was walking with the Lord). I told her that she was mistaken. I was to submit to my husband as well. God's word still applied to me, and if you are in that situation, it still applies to you.

And...as an aside, let me also encourage you on this: you are just as married as an "equally yoked" couple. I am not condoning being unequally yoked. If you are in that position, you know there are consequences. You are living them. However, your marriage can be fruitful and you can enjoy beautiful blessings with God's grace, as you continue to pray for and show love to your husband. You need not live your life on hold, thinking it will suddenly begin when your spouse comes to know the Lord. (Although, that day will be cause for great celebration!) There is hope, and there is joy for you...right where you are. You do not have to wait for perfect conditions. God is able to work in your marriage and to work in your life and your spouse's life, just as you are today.

How do I know this? The Bible tells me so.For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. ~ I Corinthians 7:14 Now, please understand, this verse does not guarantee salvation for the unbelieving spouse. But sanctification means set apart. Your prayers for your spouse matter. God hears every prayer you pray for your husband. And, because you love the Lord, God will take care of you and your family. And, He can even speak to and through your husband as you obey the Lord by submitting in your marriage. He will bless your willing heart.

If you still don't believe me that you are to submit to your husband whatever his spiritual state, just read the next part of I Peter 3, "that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your conduct accompanied by fear...". Ladies, your husbands, whether walking with the Lord or not are looking to you. How will you show him the love of Jesus? How much better than to honor and respect him with your conduct? How better than to submit (as long as he is not asking you to go against God's Word) to your husbands in all things. If it brings honor to your husband to care for your home, care for your home. It brings honor to him to conduct yourself in a pure way. It brings honor to him to train your children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. In whatever way you are able, submit. Serve him with love, honor and respect him...whether you feel he is deserving or not. As a matter of fact, don't even look at his flaws. Ask God to love him through you...to help you see your husband as God created him to be. His flaws are none of your business. Focus instead on the good qualities God has placed in your husband. You may be surprised to find his heart may melt toward you. It does wonders for a man's confidence to have his wife's honor and respect. Your husband needs that from you like you need to feel loved and secure. He needs the respect of his wife.

The next part talks about not just basing your beauty on outward appearance. That is not an excuse to "let yourself go". Part of showing love to our husbands is to care for our bodies and look nice. But, we are instructed to let our true beauty be what is inside..."the hidden person of the heart". We are to have the "incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit". Refer back to the first verse...remember "without a word". Our husbands do not need all of our words. We can be gentle and win them without a word. We do not need to nag or preach to our husbands, but should show them our love in the way we treat them and by our conduct. I'm not saying we cannot voice our feelings or our needs. But, we do so in gentleness, with love and respect. Pray first. Then speak. Let your words be filtered in love. (If you want to know about the love I speak of, see I Corinth. 13...You should be able to insert your name in where it says the word love. That's the love we need to ask God to give us for our husbands.)

Submission need not be a dreaded word. I would like to go so far as to say that God has shown it to be a great blessing in my life. Submitting to the authority of my husband places me under a blanket of protection. God gives him a wisdom, confidence, and authority that I often lack. I can rest in the comfort of knowing that he will lead, and because I trust the Lord to guide him, I can follow. This is a loving gift to a wife. It brings a peace and rest that striving to do things in our own power would never bring to us.

God designed marriage with a purpose to reveal more of Himself to us. Our marriage should be a picture of our relationship with Jesus. Although we are both walking with the Lord today, we are far from perfect Christians who always operate in our marriage roles exactly as God intended. We get frustrated and full of fleshly selfishness just like the next person. But, God is still working on us...still gently teaching us. And, when we have glimpsed the gifts He has for us in the moments when our marriage operates as He intended, the blessings abound. It is a glorious gift God has given us in marriage. A gift we can enjoy and treasure if we're willing to trust Him.

I welcome your questions and comments on this subject (that we could probably write pages on, if any of us had the time!). I am certainly not a bible scholar, but God has given me a heart to encourage women, and to pray for others. If you wish to talk more privately, you can also email me @ sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com.

Love to all...