Blessed Be His Name

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshipped. And he said:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord."~ Job 1:20-21

This week as I turned to the scriptures in Psalms, I noticed that the pages of my bible were wrinkled in spots from my tears. I ran my fingers over the bumpy pages, struck by the thought that my Father in heaven has kept every one of those tears in a bottle. My tears, my heart, my cries are precious to Him. I closed my eyes and remembered the times I have clung to His word in the middle of the night...the times when all I could do was cry and search His word. On my knees...on my face...weeping in His arms.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth... - Psalm 31:1

I will bless the Lord at all times. I will bless Him when He gives. I will bless Him when He takes away. Those seem like just words on a page...easy to write. It is something altogether different to actually experience it.

Years ago, my friend Ginny and I attended a memorial service for families who had lost a baby. It was an amazing experience, and a treasured gift to sit in a room with so many other mothers and fathers who had walked this path. A beautiful woman stood to share the story of her precious baby's birth and death. She shared that she had been studying Psalm 34 prior to giving birth, focusing on the message that we are to bless the Lord at all times. As she held her lifeless baby in her arms with tears streaming down her face, she felt the Lord gently whisper to her heart...

"Will you bless Me now?"

She replied, "Yes Lord, somehow...I will bless You...even now."

I will never forget the grace that shone on that mother's face. For it is by His grace alone that those words can be uttered. Until you have walked in that place, until you are held in the grip of His grace, at the end of yourself...there is no way to know or understand the grace, peace, and strength of which she spoke. But, it exists. I have experienced it myself. That kind of grace is waiting there for those who cling to Him. For those who bless His name in joy and in sorrow. For in all of it, He is worthy to be praised.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all. ~Psalm 34:17-19

God never promised us that we would not face sorrow, trials, loss, afflictions. In fact, the opposite is true. We are to expect many troubles on this earth...many afflictions. But the Lord hears our cries...He is near to those who have a broken heart, and He delivers us out of all our troubles. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

There has been some talk lately among those I dearly admire and respect (Angie and MckMama), mothers who have been held and are still resting in the grip of His grace, about what constitutes as a miracle. I have said for many years that it is easy to praise God and say He is good when all is well...or when you get the physical healing on this earth. We should praise Him for the healing. But He is still worthy to be praised when the miracle is one that can't be seen with human eyes. It is a miracle to watch Him make beauty from ashes in a broken life. It is a miracle to be led through unspeakable pain, step by step with His sufficient grace. It is a miracle to look upon a tiny life that the world may never meet, and then watch Him use that life to touch the world and point souls to Him for comfort. Every breath, every life, every soul is a treasured miracle sent from the very hand of God.

I remember sitting in the waiting room of the maternal fetal medicine specialist as sweet Thomas clung to life in my womb, knowing short of a "miracle" his time on this earth was fleeting. I picked up a magazine that told the story of the miracle of a family's multiple birth. In my weakness, I winced. Yes, God was good and He should be praised when things go well...when we see the miracle with our eyes. But what He has shown me from walking a different path is that God is still good when the baby doesn't live on this earth, when the cancer isn't healed this side of heaven, when the rain pours and the flood waters rise. He is good when He blesses and He is good when He carries us through the storm. He is good when he heals the body and He is good when He saves the soul.

In all things and at all times...blessed be the name of the Lord.
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I know that, even as you read this, many of you are facing struggles and heart ache. My own heart has been heavy as I look at the suffering around me. I have offered unceasing prayers for so many who are currently in the midst of the storm...especially Baby Stellan and my dear bloggy-friend, Jennifer Ross. Several mothers from around the country have written this week requesting Dreams of You Memory Books to honor the lives of their precious children who have left this earth too soon. My own heart is heavy for children who are hurting at school, and for the burdens and anxieties these little ones are facing in our fallen world. Some days I press on with a weary heart. Hopelessness threatens, and then His word reminds me...

Our soul waits for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him.
Because we have trusted in His holy name.
Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us,
Just as we hope in You. ~ Psalm 33:20-22

So, press on, I will...hoping in Him...blessing His holy name...

Let's Make a Memory

To share your sweet memories, please visit Lynette by clicking below:




We didn't take a lot of extravagant vacations growing up. My mother was a single mom for some of our upbringing...and even when she wasn't, she worked hard to provide what we needed. Most of our vacations consisted of camping trips in southern Ohio or the occasional stay in a log cabin in the mountains of Tennessee. We went to DisneyWorld when I was five or six. And when I was a young mother, we traveled to Myrtle Beach to show young Timothy the ocean.



One summer before mom was too sick to go, we took my little brother, Sean and my oldest son Timothy on several day trips. We would pack a lunch and load up the car with hopes of some fun and the promise that no matter what...we would make a memory. Good or bad, my mother always viewed our experiences as memories that we would someday laugh about or smile reminiscently as we remembered. The time it rained all night on a camping trip, while we laid huddled in a little dome tent trying to avoid the rain seeping in the holes of the tent...it was just another memory. And, it became even more memorable when we started sliding down the hill due to the increasingly wet mud beneath our tent! Oh...how we laughed! The giddy excitement mom displayed when she could finally buy a brand new tent, cooler and pie irons for our camping trip (instead of the hand-me-downs chocked full of character we had always used before!)...it was a memory. The bickering, sweaty little boys we drug to a restaurant after a long day at Sea World...another memory. Getting lost...almost everywhere we went...memories. The dark walls of Ohio Caverns...the ghost town...the lazy river at Cedar Point...and the deep belly giggles as we were knocked down over and over again at the wave pool in Soak City. There are a million examples of mom saying..."Well, at least we're making a memory." I guess it came from a lifetime of experience making lemonade from the lemons life handed her over and over again. But, she was grateful for the little things...and she taught me to be the same way. It is a gift to be content with the simple gifts of life...and I'm so glad she passed it on to me.


As spring blooms and will soon slip into another summer, I hope you will take the time to make memories with your family as well. It doesn't have to cost a lot. And the conditions don't even have to be perfect. Everything can fall apart...expectations can go unmet...you can get lost...never even make it to your destination...sleep in a leaky tent...tip the canoe and watch your lunch float down the river...and you can still smile, knowing with confidence that you are "making a memory"!

Joy Comes in the Morning

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.



One promise spoke to my heart in the dark of night. One answer to my heart's cry.
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5b Years ago, while in the midst of asking "How long..." I held on to these words...to this beautiful promise. I would weep. And my night would last awhile. I wondered how long it would be until morning would come to our house to stay. Morning did come and brought with it the gift of joy. And the next time night brings the weeping, we will hold on to the same promise...knowing that joy will come in the morning because our God is faithful.

He is the One who turns our mourning into dancing...

You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. ~ Psalm 30:11-12

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Often, my own limitations distract me from the confidence we have in the Lord. Juggling family roles, work, the ministry...I sometimes feel inadequate for the tasks of the day. There are some encouraging truths in 2 Timothy...too many to mention in this post. But I wanted to share a few that really spoke to my weary heart right now. Sometimes, the Lord teaches us in themes. And lately, one of the themes He has spoken to my heart is that serving Him is not about my ability to perform...but about God's ability to work in and through my life.
...who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began...~ 2 Timothy 1:9 He saved us...He calls us to serve Him...according to His purpose...with grace given to us in Christ Jesus...not because of anything we do on our own. And His plans for our lives were in place before time began.

Later, in chapter 2:21 we are encouraged to be "a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work". Throughout 2 Timothy, we are encouraged to study God's word (chapter 3:17)"that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work". He will equip us to do the work He calls us to do. Our part is to abide with Him...to seek Him in prayer...to study His word...to trust in Him. He does the rest. He will prepare...He will equip...thoroughly.
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And today, as my heart is heavy with the struggles of so many grieving mothers and families facing obstacles these words encourage me to carry on:
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord. ~Psalm 31:24Z

As a mother, there are many things that I cannot protect my children from, although I would like to. I wish I could keep them from harm or illness. From falling into sin or making mistakes that could change their lives. I want to keep them from evil...or the dangers of this world. The nightly news alone could keep a mama's heart from resting at night. The fear would smother and overwhelm me, except for this truth: For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. ~2 Timothy 1:7 I am clinging to this verse as a mom right now...holding on to His promises, believing His truth, resting in His ability to protect and guide us as parents...and to guide our children throughout their lives. And when they are afraid, in the dark of night...I will remind them of this verse as well.

Praying for so many of you out there as well...Be of good courage, sweet friends. He shall strengthen your heart...Hope in Him...

Praying for Stellan

Many of you probably already read MckMama's blog. Her little MckMiracle, Baby Stellan, needs our prayers. He experienced heart problems in the womb that doctors said would certainly cause his death. He did not die, though. Sweet Stellan lived and when he was born, doctors said there was no evidence of the heart condition previously diagnosed. His healing was a miracle...and we collectively praised the Lord. Stellan has been thriving at home...a happy, healthy beautiful miracle. Last night, he was taken to the ER with respiratory concerns. He was given albuterol treatments and then his heart rate raised to dangerous levels...just like the levels reached when he was in the womb. He was rushed to Children's Hospital and is now in the PICU. Doctors have tried several medications to lower his heart rate to no avail. Please click here to read updates on Stellan's situation. Please pray for his healing, for peace and comfort for McKMama and Prince Charming...and for their entire family, and for wisdom for the doctors. Please, please, please pray.

If one part (of the body of Christ) suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. ~I Corinthians 12:26

When the Waters Rise...

The past couple years we have experienced a lot of flooding in our area. Many of our friends had damage to their houses, including our neighbors whose basement flooded several times. The creek behind our house flooded more than once. The boys and I stood by the window and just watched the water rise. It carried the sandbox away and rose up the side of the swing set. We were fortunate. Others, who lived close to the river, lost everything. The waters never reached our house, but as the filthy water rose...we watched and waited with dread.

Lately, everywhere I look, the waters are rising. Not just the waters surrounding me. Many stand right now, watching the waters rise. So many are facing spiritual attack...the condemnation that whispers lies in the darkness, planting doubt and spreading fear. Some praying for the life of their child. Some praying for the strength to face another day without their child. Some cry alone, and walk numbly through their days without the one they love. Some are left with only broken pieces of a family. And some watch helplessly, unable to make the sick well or the broken whole. So many without a job...or enough income...discouraged and weary. Some are facing uncertainty...life is taking a new direction...the unknown awaits, and they stand in the midst of the fog ready to take a step of blind faith, unsure of what this new life may hold. And the waters rise.

So, what do we do while we watch the waters rise around us, wondering if they will overtake us? In the sea of grief...in the uncertainty of the unknown...in the hopelessness that threatens, what do we do when the waters rise?

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
~ Isaiah 43:1b-3a

We hold on...to the hope we have in Him. We hold on until we are too weak, too weary, too overcome. We hold on until we can't anymore. And then, He holds on to us. As the waters rush in over our heads and we let go...He grabs our hands as we are sinking. And He lifts us to higher ground. He holds us until we are able to hold on again. He whispers to our hearts, "Pay no attention to the rushing waters rising around you, dear one. For I have redeemed you...I have called you by name...you are Mine...I will be with you...I will hold you above the waters. Trust in Me...for I am the Lord, your God."

When the waters rise...when it looks hopeless or impossible...remember His promise to you and keep your eyes fixed on Him.

Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
~Isaiah 43:18-19

When the waters rise, the One who makes rivers in the desert holds me...and He will hold you, too.

Being Carried...

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
Oh my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed...
Psalm 25:1-2

Lead me in Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths,
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all day.
Psalm 25:4-5

Oh, His word pours over me like a healing balm this morning. What sweet relief to surrender...to be carried in His loving arms. What blessed assurance awaits us in His embrace. What sufficient grace for every moment...every step of trusting in Him. What peace that surpasses all human understanding.

I do not have words to convey what your prayers have meant to me. Thank you for your willingness to pray for me...for my family. Last night, I was carried by your prayers. The need to focus on my family and my duties as a mother, is great. And, I confess, I was not feeling very focused on last night's speaking engagement. I prayed with Becki before we walked into the beautiful home where our meeting took place..."Lord, if this is going to be anything valuable or fruitful or even make sense...it is going to have to be all You. Pour out your grace, speak through me with Your Holy Spirit." On my own, I had nothing to give last night...never have I felt more like "nothing" in my life than before I walked in to share with these beautiful ladies. Physically, I felt weak and exhausted...congested, nauseous, head-achy.

I'm sure they would be shocked to hear that because anyone there would never have known that's how I felt. When I walked into the house and opened my mouth to speak...I was lifted up and carried. With every word, my physical countenance grew stronger, my spirit was encouraged. The Holy Spirit ministered not only to the ladies present, but to my weary soul...my heavy heart. Joy and peace flowed through me. I even ate with vigor the lovely treats the lady of the house shared when I was finished with my presentation. I wish I had the presence of mind to take pictures of her adorable pistachio ice cream cake with hand-made chocolate shamrocks...or her lovely table-setting...or the matching green punch I savored. I felt strengthened and loved in the presence of these amazing, faithful women who love Jesus. The body of Christ is a beautiful thing to behold...and a humbling gift to be part of. If any of them are reading this today...they will never know how much they blessed me last night. These ladies are an excellent example of the body of Christ in action. They are the hands and feet of Jesus. And it was a great honor and blessing to meet them.

When I got into the car to leave, I was immediately congested, filled with nausea, and my headache returned. I knew the entire evening was a God-thing. I had been carried. For that time, I was allowed to float above the circumstances on a cloud of peace. As my own weakness flooded me, I knew that I had walked through the evening in His strength. He equipped me for the task at hand. He poured out the measure of grace I needed to accomplish it. And, even more...He gets all the glory.

Thank you...thank you for your prayers and your words of encouragement. Please continue to pray. We will be prayerfully focused on the needs of our family right now...so please understand if I am sporadic with my posts or less diligent in my commenting. I cherish the relationships I have found through this blog. And I have come to love and appreciate so many of you. As you pray for us, I do want to share that we are not facing anything life-threatening. There are just some changes and adaptations that we will have to work through as a family and as parents right now. It's part of parenting...part of life. We are praying for the Lord's wisdom, peace, and grace. The good news is that, as always, we are being carried by our loving Father...who is more than able.

Struggling a Little...

I hesitate to even write this, but I covet your prayers. We have some unspoken family concerns that need prayer. We are praying for strength and wisdom...and the Lord's healing touch on this situation. Believe it or not, I am very private and protective about my family. At least that would be my inclination, if the Lord wasn't constantly calling me out of my comfort zone to share our journey in hopes that others could find comfort. (Please don't hear that wrong. I gladly lay down my desire for security and privacy to obey His call. It is a privilege to serve Him...and it blesses my life more than if I would hide in my comfort zone!)

This evening, I am going to speak to a women's church group about Sufficient Grace Ministries. This morning, I have a raging sinus infection, a heavy heart, and a distracted mind. Please pray for our family as we take another step into an unknown place. And, please pray for me as I prepare to speak...for my health, for focus, that the Holy Spirit would lead and give the words, that His sufficient grace would be poured over me. And that the ladies at the event would find hope, comfort, and blessing in their time this evening. When this task is complete, please pray that I could focus with all my mommy-heart on my family and their increasing needs right now.

As, we face the next thing, I know our God is big enough to handle what comes. I think of what Angie Smith said, when she first heard that her Audrey Caroline had a fatal condition. She said, "My Jesus is the same...". We take comfort in knowing that our Jesus is the same...yesterday, today, and for always. Our circumstances may change...but His promises, His strength, His grace, His mercy, and His love will always remain the same. We are secure in our steadfast God. The same God who parted the Red Sea holds us in His arms today. He is just as able, just as mighty, and just as willing to care for us and meet our needs as He was then.

It is hard to share my weakness this morning...and my need for your prayers. I like to present a picture that I have it all together. Those that know me well...know otherwise! I think, "I'm trusting my Lord and He is able, so I can handle whatever it is". I'd rather share with you our journeys after we've walked through the valley and look back to see God's hand and His sufficient grace carrying us. After He has already restored us. It's another thing entirely to come asking for prayer while still in pieces, feeling broken and weak. But here I am...please pray.

And...the Winner is...

The winner of our Fireproof/Love Dare Giveaway is.....Jamimania. Thanks for all your comments. Blessings to everyone.

Welcome...Getting to Know You and Under the Tree Visitors

If you are visiting from Lynette's Getting to Know You, or Carly's Under the Tree...(or anywhere else!) Welcome! Lynette was kind enough to feature my blog on her Getting to Know You segment this week. She is such an amazing woman of faith, an inspiration to my life, and a dear bloggy friend of mine. You can participate in Lynette's fun blog idea to share blogs with others, too. Just click below to learn more:
Visit Lynette for more information on Getting to Know You...


If you haven't visited before, just wanted to send you to a few posts that will help you know a little more about my family's journey filled with God's sufficient grace, and the ministry He's given us. These posts below answer Carly's Under the Tree questions, as well...why I blog, where I go for comfort (my family and the arms of Jesus), what I read for comfort (mostly the Bible...also Waiting With Gabriel, Mommy, Please Don't Cry and Empty Arms), and how I've changed since our losses...

Our Story - Beautiful, Sufficient Grace

Because He Came...Some Pieces of Us

http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/2009/02/sufficient-grace-ministries-updateand.html
And...keep reading. The post below features a giveaway! Thanks for stopping by!

With Songs of Joy... (and a giveaway!)

CONTEST IS OVER...A WINNER WAS CHOSEN...THANKS FOR YOUR PARTICIPTATION!!
In a couple weeks, we will be celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary. So, on this Wednesdays Walk, I thought it might be fitting to share a little about the man I walk through this life with, and the God who has carried us both through the storms and sunshine...



When I was a teenager, most of the time I wished I was someone else. It's why when I took the stage to sing a solo, I would shake and quiver. My throat would swell and dry up. The music wouldn't come out. Instead I choked and sputtered. Sure, I could sing...but when standing in the spotlight with just me up there, I froze...crippled with the fear of failure, certain I didn't measure up. But, if I were in a musical...playing a part, hiding behind a character, covered in a costume...I could sing like a bird. If I was pretending to be someone else, I was free. The only other time I could sing without the paralyzing fear, was in church. I suppose because then, it was less about me and more about Jesus. If the focus were on me, I would crumble and falter. It's still that way, when I take the stage...unless the focus is on who He is and not on my ability (or inability) to perform.

My senior year in high school, I started seeing Tim. And for the first time in my life, I didn't need to try to be someone else. I was enough...he loved me, just the way I was. We were young and full of imperfections, but he made me laugh from the start...and he still does.

Due to a series of life-changing events and choices, we became parents at the tender age of eighteen. I learned how God can make something beautiful, even from our sins and the promise that He doesn't waste anything that happens in our lives. We were married and lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment. I wore a pants suit from Maurices (The picture shown above was taken at a vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary. I finally got my dress!). We had supper at Morrow's - our favorite pizza hangout. Later, there was a little reception in his aunt's basement and we danced to "Sparrows in a Hurricane". Tim was still in high school when we were married, and I had just graduated. This is not something I share lightly, and for many years, I wouldn't share it. I share this now, because it is a testimony to how big our God is. I share this because someone may be reading...feeling hopeless and broken... wondering how we came to this place. It was a long, rocky road. And, by the world's standards, we shouldn't be here together, with our family in tact. Every statistic would tell you otherwise. And, while I am not advocating starting the way we did...I hope instead to point you to the God who can make beauty from ashes, who can forgive, heal, and restore. The God Who has a plan for our lives.

Which brings me to the reason we're still standing...One day, I cried out to the Lord in desperation. I was overwhelmed with the tasks of being a young wife and mother, and I knew I needed His help. I gave my life to Jesus that day in my little one bedroom apartment as Timothy bounced in the crib, without a care. And, when I stood up, I was a new creation. I read my bible, went to church, and learned to be the wife God intended me to be. For many years I went to church alone. During those years, I prayed and learned what it means to love and honor your husband...the kind of love that isn't about my own wants and needs, but the needs of others. I studied Corinthians 13. We built our house, built our life, worked hard, and enjoyed our little family.

You've probably read what happened next. If not click here. Refining fire. In the furnace, on our knees, broken, desperate, grieving-parent fire. We walked through two difficult pregnancies...and when I say difficult...I mean my life was threatened. And the lives of our three babies on this earth ended way too soon. That's a lot for a young husband and wife. A lot for a little four-year-old boy. A lot for anyone. Still, not too much for our God. More statistics pointing toward a broken marriage. Bigger God, with a different plan.

After that, we struggled. God worked to heal our sorrow and we still laughed even through our pain. Tim has always been able to make me laugh, even in impossible circumstances. We were just about to get back on our feet, feeling restored, when I unexpectedly conceived again. This was a little too much for our weathered marriage.

Consumed with fear, grief, and other raging emotions, Tim pulled away. And, while I was determined to hope, he couldn't hope anymore. It hurt too much. Too much to watch his wife vomit every hour and spend time in the hospital. Too much to possibly hear the ugly words "incompatible with life"...to helplessly watch another baby die. To not be able to comfort a grieving wife. Too much.

This would be a good time for me to say that we respected each other's need to grieve differently all through the losses and grief. He was with me, and a comfort. We grieved together..but some things I needed to do or talk about that would have brought him more pain. So, I was careful to respect that. And, he understood my need to share about our children. I had a close friend who walked through this with us and allowed me to talk about the babies long after others grew tired of listening.

And...for this pregnancy, I needed to hope. I did hope...through bleeding early on in pregnancy. Through a 50/50 chance diagnosis. Through ultrasounds and appointments. I hoped and prayed. And, our marriage seemed to unravel. God whispered to my heart..."Remain, abide with Me, love him." I waited, I kept abiding, and by His grace, I loved him. In that time of waiting on the Lord, I learned, even more, how to love this beautiful man.

We were hanging on by a thread, when our James was miraculously born...alive. We heard his cry in disbelief. We brought him home with euphoric joy. Timothy had his brother. And, our thread grew stronger with each passing day. Forgiveness. Restoration. A God who is bigger than the brokenness.

More restoration, a renewed commitment, years of healing...a growing, miraculous love. The feeling of family I have never known before. He is my home...this man with calloused hands, who works so hard to support this family. This man whose arms have held me in joy and sorrow. This man who has rejoiced over and grieved for his children. This man who I love with all my heart.

Today, (and for several years now) we go to church together. We are still far from perfect, but we are covered in God's grace. Those calloused hands folded in prayer make our family complete in the church pew on Sunday mornings. We make worship music together. We share in ministry together. We walk through this life, together. And, we still laugh hysterically...together. The gift of this marriage...this restored family has done more to grow my faith in the restoring power of my God than anything I have witnessed in this walk so far. It is one of the greatest gifts. And I cherish it...knowing that it is by His grace only that we are standing together today.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy... ~ Psalm 126

* OUR FIRST GIVEAWAY!! In honor of our fifteenth anniversary coming up this month, I would like to give away the movie Fireproof and the book Love Dare. We did watch the movie I'm giving away (only once). I pray that you are encouraged to persevere in your marriage. To be entered into the giveaway...just leave a comment here. I will choose a winner this Saturday, March 14th. If you don't wish to be entered into the contest, you can still comment...just say "Leave me out of the drawing." Happy Wednesday Walking!

The One To Whom I Belong... (And an added prayer request/update)

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest my enemy say,
"I have prevailed against him";
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.
~Psalm 13

Have you ever asked the Lord "How long...?" How long will my sorrow last? How long before I am rescued? How long will I feel forsaken, forgotten, broken? How long will I carry "sorrow in my heart daily"?

Do you know what amazes me the most about those "How long" questions? I am amazed that we are allowed to ask them of the God of the Universe. Not only are we allowed, but we are welcomed to pour out our hearts to Him...our fears, our doubts, our sorrows, our failings, our brokenness. Not only are we welcomed into His very throne room with open arms, He longs for us to come to Him...longs for us to lay each burden, each ugly broken piece of our lives, even our most hideous sin at His feet. And He will lift each burden from our weary shoulders, make something beautiful out of the ugly, broken pieces of our lives, and wash us clean as He forgives us for our most hideous sins.

My feeble mind cannot wrap itself around such promises. And yet, I have seen Him do these very things more than once in my life. I have asked Him in my deepest sorrow, "How long, O Lord?" And I have seen His answers. I have been carried through the "How longs"...comforted through the daily sorrow of my heart. I have seen the "joy that comes in the morning", after a long night of weeping.

Once, I looked around at church, each Sunday morning and asked, "How long..." as I prayed that we would be a complete family sitting in the pew together. He whispered to my heart, one day "It won't be long, dear one. I have heard your prayers...the cry of your heart. And, soon you will sit here together. You will worship together as a family, and it will be as if it has always been this way." And so it happened years ago. Today, we share in ministry together.

Once, we stood broken beside the graves of our children...Faith, Grace, and Thomas and I asked "How long...". How long will this grief and sorrow dwell in our hearts, tearing at our family? How long, O Lord? When will joy come to our house...when will morning come to stay? He whispered to my heart, "I will carry you, dear one. I will hold you and comfort you. My grace is sufficient for you." And so it was. He carried me and comforted me. His grace was sufficient for me. Morning came to stay...love and beauty grew out of the pain and ashes. Joy was restored. And miracles were born.

Many more times in my life, I have cried "How long...". And many more times, He has sustained me. For, I have trusted in His mercy...My heart rejoices in His salvation...I sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me. He is the One who holds my tears in a bottle. The One who formed me and knew me when I was yet in my mother's womb. He is the One who hears all my "How longs".

And He is the God to whom I belong and whom I serve. (see Acts 27:23)
Thank you, dear Jesus, for Your great faithfulness, your endless mercy, and Your perfect...abundant...sufficient grace that covers me every day. I will sing of Your mercy and grace, rejoicing in Your salvation...for you have dealt bountifully with me.
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UPDATED PRAYER NEED: We have been praying for Jennifer, and she needs our prayers again. She is expecting and has been bleeding and clotting in her uterus. Doctors thought she was miscarrying the baby on March 7. She never passed a clot, and when she went to the doctor today, there was a strong heartbeat. THE BABY IS ALIVE! Mother and baby's lives still remain in danger as long as she continues to bleed...so MUCH prayer is needed. This is a miracle! Praise the Lord...and please join me in asking for more miracles for sweet Jennifer...who has already lost her precious Isaiah and another little one from this condition. Please tell every prayer warrior you know and get on your knees on behalf of this precious mother and her family. Please visit her here, and let her know you're praying.

Weeping with Her...

Please pray for Jennifer. My heart is broken with and for this family...for this beautiful mother, today. I don't have words. Just weeping with her...praying for her...walking with her. Please take the time to pray God's comfort over her and her family...and stop by her blog to let her know you are walking with her, too.

If one part (of the body of Christ) suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. ~I Corinthians 12:26


And, we hold on to the promise that one sweet day..."He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~Revelation 21:4

Today She Dances...

I just wanted to share a little piece of my mom's story with you. She was amazing...and I'm sure she's even more amazing as she perfects her dance in Heaven...basking in the light of our Savior and the deep belly giggles of her grandbabies...I apologize for the length of this post, but I hope you will Walk with me this Wednesday...




The Choices we Make
by Kelly Gerken
Originally printed in The Women's Edge Winter 2005 Newsletter...Copyright 2005
My Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer about two months ago. She has been struggling with several other health conditions for the past ten years prior to the cancer diagnosis, which have changed her physically from an energetic, strong woman to one who seems fragile and physically weak. I have felt anger at her illnesses, anger at her, myself, frustration, sorrow at the injustice... at what we have been robbed of, and I have inspiration and gratefulness. I am inspired by her courage, her love for her family, her resolve, and her deepened faith in God. I am grateful for the healing that suffering brings to our hearts, for the comfort of our loving Savior, for the time that we so often take for granted, but are learning to treasure instead of squander. I'm grateful for the laughter and the tears, for the lessons we couldn't learn any other way, and for the mother she has been and will always be.

This Christmas, I helped put up her Christmas tree, because she was too sick to do it. She has always been so crafty and creative, and every year, she would add some homemade ornaments to the tree. I am the oldest daughter. so I have been around for every year of the tradition. It was so special to take out each box and smile and laugh as we remembered together when she made each one. There were also the creations from my brothers and I when we were in preschool and grade school. The tree told a story of our family, and our life. It made me think how our lives tell our story.
The truth is that we can't take anything with us to heaven...not our things which we may treasure, not money, success, status or popularity, not even identity. The only thing we can take to heaven with us is other people. The people who come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior from watching our lives. That doesn't mean we have to always be perfect. My mother isn't and neither am I . That does mean that we let our light shine so that others will see and God will be glorified. It is only the Holy Spirit which can change hearts, but God uses His children as His tangible example. We are covered in His grace.

Everyday we have a choice about how we will live. Do we live in a way that offers comfort and hope to others? My mother and I have a favorite song "I Hope You Dance" which talks about these choices. One part says, "Whenever you have the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance." Mom can't physically dance much these days, but she dances in her heart. And some sweet day she will dance in heaven.
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He Will Carry You...
By Kelly Gerken
Originally published in The Women's Edge Newsletter Fall/Winter 2006

Even to your old age, I am He. And even to gray hairs I will carry you!I have made, and I will bear;Even I will carry and deliver you.~ Isaiah 46:4

Beginning in September, my mother's fourteen month long battle with terminal cancer grew quite intense. She was hospitalized twice during the month of September. She spent her 50th birthday at the hospital on September 3, 2006. We celebrated with my famous peanut butter pie! On September 25th, she was admitted to the Hospice Center of Northwest Ohio located in Perrysburg, which became my home for much of the next four weeks.

Her struggle was great. Doctors and nurses gave her a couple days to live when she was first admitted. However, a month after that prediction, the terrible suffering continued on. She did it with the grace and dignity with which she lived...as a true lady. When she was able to speak, she expressed only concern for those around her, despite her own horrible condition. She knew she was dying, and she had complete peace that she would be in Heaven when her earthly body quit...and yet, like the fighter she was, she continued to wake up each morning despite the fact that she hadn't eaten more than a handful of food over the course of six weeks. She had little to drink most days, except the drops of water we could place on her tongue, or the occasional drinks from a straw when she mustered enough strength to swallow. ( Except, of course, for the legendary night that she awakened after several days of unconsciousness and slipping further away from us to ask for Red Lobster. We granted her request to "Go for the gusto" as she put it and order her shrimp feast!) She continued to display her wit, humor, and spunk. She was determined and unique...surprising everyone with her will to survive until the very last breath...doing it her way. Every nurse fell in love with her, just like almost anyone who ever knew her.

We had made a promise to her long ago, that we would never leave her in a nursing home. Although the spectacular Hospice facility was nothing like a nursing home, we agreed as a family that we couldn't leave her there alone. So, we stayed with her. Family members took turns staying the night. And other family and close friends visited her during the day. She was surrounded by people who loved her. When one of us had to leave for a while...someone else was always there. And I am so grateful for that time.

The moments we shared were not only among the most difficult, but also the most precious of my life. She was an amazing woman, and I spent most of her life missing that...taking her for granted. But, the last year has been such a gift that taught me about true healing, forgiveness, grace and love. Not everyone gets the time to make things right. She realized that God had given her the time not only to say everything she wanted, but also to see what she meant to other people...to realize how much her life mattered to those around her. She saw her situation as a blessing. It would have been understandable if she were bitter about the news that her body was filled with cancer, and that cancer would do it's best to steal her health, her body, and her very life. Not mom. She found the blessing, and in doing so she was the finest example to her family...a true mother until the end, teaching, inspiring, encouraging, giving wisdom, and loving fiercely. She is the most inspiring person I know.

During some of the darker moments she faced last month, I was able to read the bible to her, pray with her, sing to her, hold her in my arms, and hold her hand. One of the best scriptures God kept bringing me back to was John 14:1-6, in which Jesus says He goes to prepare a place for us. When Thomas asks Jesus where He is going and how to get there, Jesus replies in verse 6 " I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." Even as she lay seemingly helpless, literally on her death bed, she was pointing us toward Jesus...without a word. His presence was evident, as He carried her and He carried us through the darkness.

One day I said, "It will be O.K. mom...Jesus will carry you to Heaven."

She said, "How do you know He will carry me?"

I said, "Because He promises never to leave us or forsake us, and Jesus always keeps His promises."

She said, " How do you know He keeps His promises?"

I replied, "Because He was there when my baby died. I couldn't see Him, but I could feel Him take baby Thomas and carry him home, and then I could feel Him carry me through my grief when I couldn't carry myself. That's how I know He will carry you."

She looked into my eyes, and holding my hand, repeated over and over again..."He will carry me, He will carry me, He will carry me..."

I nodded, "Yes, Mom, He will carry you."

Later that evening, she fell asleep, and four days later, Jesus carried her home, just like He promised He would. And, now, while I can't carry myself, He is carrying me and the rest of us who face the challenge of waking up each day on this earth without her.


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I Hope You Dance
by Kelly Gerken
Originally published in The Women's Edge Newsletter Summer 2007
As I was going through her treasures...the sentimental little pieces of us we mothers cherish and leave behind for our daughters...her tea sets, her little doilies, the recipes on scraps of paper with her handwriting on them...I came across a little gift book I had given her based on the famous song, I Hope You Dance. The inscription read, To: Mom, From: Kelly...Because you inspire me to always dance, and I hope you remember to always do the same. I bit back the tears as the familiar ache of emptiness washed over me. In spite of the pain of missing her, I smiled at the memory and the thought of her dancing in heaven, without any pain, twirling her grandbabies and delighting in the music of their deep belly giggles.

I flipped through the pages of the book, reading the lyrics and allowing the message to renew my hope. Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance; And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...I hope you dance. I remembered the first time I heard this powerful song, at the same time the Lord was working in me to remove my fears and hesitations...to teach me to embrace the life He's given me and to walk confidently with Him. God taught me to see the beauty in the new creation that He was making in me, and when life presented opportunity to boldly embrace it rather than sitting it out. Whenever possible, God spoke to my heart, "I want you to dance".

I began to approach life this way and fears and insecurities were replaced with confidence, victory, joy and adventure. As my mother's earthly life was fleeting and her health deteriorated due to cancer and other debilitating illnesses, God showed her the beauty in the new creation He was making in her. While she was learning to dance, He took her home to Heaven, where I know they are perfecting her dance in the place Jesus prepared especially for her. And while I am here, God continues to teach me to dance as well.

Recently I stood at the Relay for Life, where a special six-year-old friend of mine was being honored for his victory over cancer. The event was emotional and bittersweet as I looked at the multitude of survivors along the walk on a path surrounded with luminarias displaying the countless names of those whose lives were taken by cancer.

Part of me wanted desperately to sit this one out. I struggled to shake the ache of loss and grief threatening to cloud my friend's sunny victorious day. While battling to keep my emotions in check, the boy we were there to honor walked boldly to the stage with his smile lighting the darkness in my heart and illuminating the entire place. I smiled through my tears as he played gleefully with his friends, who were bouncing around his wheelchair and making him squeal with joy.

Suddenly he looked around the children and said, " Hey Mrs. Gerken...How 'bout we dance?"

Little did this precious soul know the comfort his invitation had given me. Surrounded by those who had fought cancer's battle and won, some bruised and battered and scarred and surrounded with the memory of those who lost the great battle and those who were left behind bruised and broken and scarred without the ones they love, I took his hand...and we danced.

It was as if God was speaking through this little boy to say, " I see you there, Kelly. And you are not alone. I see you standing there in the middle of all that cancer feeling death's sting. And I want you to dance. After all, how can one dwell on the pain of death's sting when surrounded by so much life?" We threw our heads back laughing and dancing remembering the promise that no matter how dark and painful this life gets there's always the opportunity to dance if we choose to take it.

So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory.""O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?"~I Corinthians 15:54-55

To me this world is a better place because she walks on it,
And if someday I wake to find she walks instead by Jesus' side,
The void will be great and the world won't be the same,
But walk on I will because of His holy name.
And with me, part of her will always be,
Because she is my Mother.
~Taken from My Mother, a poem written April 8, 2004 by Kelly Gerken in honor of her mother: Kathy Louise Rutter

In Loving Memory of:
Kathy Louise Rutter
September 3, 1956~ October 20, 2006

The Valley of the Shadow...

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and staff, they comfort me...
Psalm 23:1-4

I have spent some time in the valley of the shadow of death. The darkness has overshadowed my life several times. It has surrounded me, brushed past me, and momentarily blocked the light. I have walked in that valley with those I love. And I now walk there each day, with those I barely know as they face the same dark shadow. It is interesting that God has called me to such a ministry...to such a purpose. For, I am ill-equipped for such a thing. I have friends who stood with me in the valley who are much better at walking alongside a broken-hearted soul than I could ever be. (Really, this walk is the very definition of His strength being made perfect through my weakness.) And, on top of that, I really am not a fan of grieving (who is?)...I'm far from a melancholy spirit. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was from a lovely woman named Ruth, who always referred to me as "the girl who laughs". Although I have cried many tears while walking in the valley of the shadow of death, the tears do not define me. The tears were just for sowing. Rather, it is the "songs of joy" we reap from the tears that we've sown, which so much better define the person God has created me to be. The Girl Who Laughs.

The truth is, there is comfort...even in the valley of the shadow of death. We fear no evil...Because Jesus is there. He is our caregiver, our perfect shepherd. He will quiet us, even amidst the noise. He will lead us beside still waters, even as the stormy seas of grief rage on. He will restore our souls, even as we see only the brokenness of our pain. His rod and His staff they comfort us. We are never closer to Him (on this Earth) than when we walk in that dark valley. He meets us there.

If you are not sure of this Jesus who meets you there, in the valley of the shadow of death, please allow me to introduce you:

...for as I was passing through and considering the objects of your worship, I even found an altar with this inscription:
TO THE UNKNOWN GOD.
Therefore, the One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you; God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshipped with men's hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being... ~ Acts 17:23-28a

If you are surrounded by darkness, groping around unsure, lost in pain, sorrow, sickness, fear...just lost...Reach out to the God who waits for you with open arms. Reach out to the One who longs to hold you, to lead you out of the darkness, away from the storm...to the still waters, where He will gently restore your weary soul. Just reach for Him...

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~ Psalm 23:6

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Please pray and tell every prayer warrior you know to pray for Jennifer.
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PLEASE PRAY

Please pray and tell every prayer warrior you know to pray for Jennifer. She lost her baby, Isaiah, in August due to a blood clot. She is expecting again, and they found a clot today. She is facing the same nightmare, again. And she needs our prayers desperately. Please join me in crying out to our merciful Lord on her behalf and on behalf of the child in her womb. This condition is life-threatening not only to her child, but her own life is in danger as well. She has a husband and three boys at home.

Even to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.
~Isaiah 46:4

Oh, Lord Jesus...please carry Jennifer and this precious life which grows within her. Please comfort her with Your perfect peace. Please carry her with Your sufficient grace. Please heal and restore them with Your mighty hand. Please show Yourself mightily...Lord, we need You...