Not Really One for Resolutions...

I'm not really one to make resolutions. For one thing, I don't put a lot of faith in the human will, especially my own. Since most things I attempt in my own power fall hopelessly flat, I think there's evidence to support my theory. It's interesting to note, however, that a life-altering event occurred fifteen years ago, on January 1, 1995.

Not long before that day, I sat crying on my knees in our little one bedroom apartment while our oldest son, not yet one-year-old at the time, bounced in his crib without a care. I, on the other hand, felt the weight of the world on my young shoulders. I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a young wife and mother. It was something I knew I could never do on my own. I felt the void of what Billy Graham calls a "God-sized hole" in my heart with an intensity that drove me to my knees and pierced my soul. I knew that I had tried life on my own for awhile and was falling hopelessly short. That day, it was abundantly clear that I needed a Savior. On my face, I confessed my need. The hopelessness fell in cleansing tears as I gave my life to Jesus on the floor of that one bedroom apartment. When I stood, there was hope for the first time in a long time. The first steps I took as a new creation were with a renewed sense of purpose. Of course, I had no idea what life would hold for us, or the incredible journey we would be asked to walk in the coming years. All I knew was that we no longer walked this path alone.

Knowing what I know now, I cannot imagine the life we would have had if that day hadn't occurred...if I hadn't been rescued by my Savior. It would have meant certain destruction for our little family, and who knows what else. I shudder to think of it. This isn't a path I would want to walk without Him.

So, back to January 1, 1995. The first day I walked into Harvest Fellowship. It was before they had a beautiful building to worship in on Sunday mornings. We met in the library at our local high school, the same high school I attended as a rebellious teenager. I can close my eyes and remember, knowing even then that my life would never be the same. They were singing, "As the Deer Panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee...". I was mesmerized. My former Algebra Teacher, Pastor Jim, was teaching through the book of Acts. The verse-by-verse teaching of this non-denominational church was different from my Lutheran upbringing steeped in tradition, and I was intrigued. Not only intrigued, but something lept in my spirit, and I felt like I had come home.

From that day on, I carried little Timothy into church on Sunday mornings. I poured over God's word, soaking it in and learning everything I could. Pastor Jim was a wonderful teacher, and I was a willing student. Much of what I know today about God's word was laid on the foundation of those early years in our little high school library.

Many years, walks through fiery trials, births and deaths, visits to other churches and countless prayers later, Tim walked through the doors of Harvest with us on a fateful Mother's Day years ago. That's his story to tell. But, I have seen him become part of this church family as well. We are growing as we walk together with the Lord, loving the teaching of our current Pastor James (not the one who taught us Algebra...but one who attended high school with us!), enjoying the ministry God has given us to worship through music, and standing in awe of God's amazing grace.

Having said all of that, I suppose I shouldn't completely write off the idea that a fresh start could be made on January 1st. After all, we serve a God of fresh starts and second chances...one who redeems and restores. In fact, His "mercies are new every morning" (see Lamentations 3). And, obviously that particular January 1st was life-changing. A very good kind of life-changing.

The kind of life-changing that involves the Holy Spirit working in us...that's a change I can believe in. I loved Big Mama's post about hearing Him in 2010. I could relate to feeling a little stagnant lately, myself. And, while it does seem a little cliche, I would like to make some changes. I just know that I have to rely on His strength to accomplish anything. In 2010, I pray for renewal, that I would listen to His voice and not the noise around me, that I would seek His will and not my own, that there would be less of me and more of Him. Sure, I would like to eat more healthy, exercise, lose weight, be more purposeful and faithful with my devotions and prayer time, keep priorities in order, work on my organization and time management issues, and focus on being the wife and mom God has called me to be. But, I know that any of that I try to do in my own power will fall hopelessly short. This is not to say that I will just give up and accept the pathetic mediocrity that is me. No, I will press on, and instead give Him the desires of my heart. And, I will do it knowing that I CAN do all things through Jesus Christ, who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)