Sufficient Grace Ministries Update...and Prayer Requests

UPDATE: Please pray for three-year-old Joshua, who was recently diagnosed with liver cancer and faces a very tough battle. Please "get your knees dirty" (as Tammy said) in prayer for this sweet family.


This morning my dear friend Dawn Marshall, a NILMDTS Area Coordinator and owner of Marshall Photography, donated her morning to taking some photos of our ministry products and some new profile shots of me for our brochures and website. Dawn has such a beautiful heart and is so willing to serve the Lord with her gifts. I am so grateful for her support of our ministry and for the amazing work she does as a NILMDTS photographer for bereaved parents. While I'm not a huge fan of getting my picture taken, (especially without having my husband and kids to hide behind!) she did a great job on the pictures! Thank you, sweet friend.



She took the above picture of our Comfort Bear and the Dreams of You Memory Book, which turned out lovely. I am so glad to finally have a picture of the Dreams of You Book that doesn't have a glare covering the letters! If you are not familiar with this part of our ministry, I just wanted to share a little about what we offer to grieving families. The Dreams of You Memory Book was a labor of love which began eight years after we lost our Faith and Grace and six years after Thomas' passing. My friend Tracy lost her baby, Kelly (my namesake) in 2003. I searched for a memory book suitable to give her to honor Kelly's short life. And nothing seemed adequate. There was a need for a book that parents could use to keep their memories and to record the dreams they had for their children. I started out praying and crying at my computer and cutting and pasting (literally) in a scrapbook fashion. Then, I went back to "simplify" (as Becki always says) and designed all the pages to be printed from the computer. But there was still a lot of hole punching and cutting as I put the books together by hand. Some of the original books looked like this:

As we began getting orders for the books, it became apparent that more "simplification" was in order. Back to the drawing board. More tears and prayers, as we worked to redesign the books. Our oldest son, Timothy, drew a little replica of the Comfort Bear for the cover with our sweet little Faith's reduced footprint in the heart of the Bear. Our baby girl's footprints truly are on every Dreams of You Memory Book that is given! We hired Shipman Advertising to professionally print our Dreams of You Memory Books, and after hours at the computer and more hours as the great folks at Shipman graciously made all the needed changes, we have the beautiful books that we offer today. Hundreds of families have been blessed with this book, which truly honors the life of these cherished babies and allows parents to have a beautiful, lasting, tangible memory to hold the lifetime of dreams they hold in their hearts.

The Comfort Bear you see next to the book was born from the heart of a grieving grandmother. A grandmother who ached for her little granddaughters...who would have showered them with all things pink and lace and full of glorious girliness! A grandmother who ached for her grandson...she would have attended every baseball game and listened to every dilemma. She was also a mother who ached as she watched her only daughter grieve with empty arms and a broken heart. So, that grandmother decided to make something as a small offering of comfort to fill the empty, aching arms of other grieving moms as they were wheeled out of the hospital to enter a world without their babies. She poured her heart into making her Comfort Bears, filling each with love and prayers, until she grew too ill to continue. She worked until about a month before she lost her battle with cancer and gained all of Heaven's glory where she would spend eternity with her arms full of the babies for whom my arms still ache. That Grandma was my mom, Kathy Rutter, a woman who could make the world around her beautiful with the things she made with her own hands. Today her Comfort Bears are still made with a Grandmother's love and prayers, as the Helping Hands Ministry works to sew each one. Her legacy and the legacy of Faith, Grace, and Thomas continues.

Mom's Bears


In case you are wondering, we are a 501 (c)3 non-profit organization. We are supported through donations from individuals, churches, organizations, and hospitals who give a suggested donation to offer our products to their patients. We do not require bereaved parents to pay for our products or services. As we are growing, and offering more products and services...donations from our supporters are much appreciated. God is always faithful to provide, and we stand in awe of His faithfulness and the generosity of His people. Our needs are growing; and we held our first fundraiser last summer. We will be holding another golf outing this summer and we are prayerfully considering other fundraising efforts. While that is not my favorite part of serving in ministry, it is necessary. If you feel led to donate to support our ministry, you can click the donate button on our sidebar. Your donations are 100% tax deductible. Please prayerfully consider supporting our efforts to reach out to more grieving families.

The following new additions are fairly limited and mostly offered locally at this time. The beautiful burial gowns, created and generously donated by Cindy Roller, come in a variety of sizes that would fit a twelve inch preemie to a full-term baby. And the beautiful bracelets for mother and baby are made by Marlene Carpenter, who makes gorgeous Creations from the Heart. Words cannot express my gratefulness to these women and so many others who donate their time and gifts to bless the broken- hearted in such a generous and selfless way. Thank you Jesus for your provision...and thank you to every willing heart for all you give to make this happen.




Please pray for the upcoming events:
Ongoing: Pray for the hearts of the grieving families who cross our path...and for those who don't...
Please Pray for...Our new book project
March 7, 2009: Helping Hands Ministry Meets to stuff and sew Comfort Bears at Harvest Fellowship...Join us if you're in the area and want to help!
March 16, 2009: I will be speaking to a ladies' church group in Bluffton, Ohio. Please pray as I prepare that He will give me the words and that it would be a blessing to all who attend.
Upcoming Spring/Summer Project:Recording Studio Building project and Dreams of You CD
Summer: Planning for upcoming summer golf outing fundraiser.
August: Tim, Dave, and I will be performing music at the Corn City Festival

Please pray for God's continued guidance, unity, and peace...that we would trust Him to meet all of our needs...and that we would seek Him first in all we say and do. Thank you in advance for your prayers and your support.

To learn more about our ministry and the products and services we offer, please visit: www.sufficientgrace.net.

Because He Came...Some Pieces of Us

Yep...I'm recycling again. I wrote this post around Christmas time, but since then we've had many new visitors...so hopefully it isn't one you've already read. This post sums up many of the pieces of our journey, so far. And, as our fifteen year anniversary approaches, I stand in awe of the miracles God has worked in our lives to make beauty from our ashes. He has carried us through with His daily sufficient grace...giving us a love that not only just survived the storms, but has grown deeper and sweeter with the passing of time. We were just eighteen years old when we danced to "Sparrows in a Hurricane" at our little wedding reception in a family member's basement. Oh...the memories...Enjoy this week's walk...




In a quiet church, almost fifteen years ago, two young kids made a promise to love, honor, and obey. Like two sparrows in a hurricane, they held hands, shaking under the weight of the promise and unaware of what would be required of them.
And He Came...

Weeping on the floor of their one bedroom apartment...overwhelmed with the loneliness of a little girl lost and the consuming responsibility of being a wife and mother, she cried out to Him.
And He came...

On the first silent snowfall, on a cold November day, they held each other and wondered how they were supposed to say good-bye. Forever changed, robbed of the invincibility of youth, robbed of a lifetime of dreams and moments, and all the blessings two little girls would bring.
And He came...

They stood in the hallway of the hospital as her tears fell in unison with the raindrops trickling down the window pane. How could this be? How can they walk this journey once more knowing it will end not with the joyous sound of a newborn cry but with the heart wrenching emptiness of another good-bye? Presented with a hopeless outcome, an impossible choice, and the mocking question..."Where is your God now?" They drove home in the storm.
And He came...

She prayed and searched day and night for the answers, the evidence that He hadn't turned His back on His two sparrows, leaving them to the merciless destruction of the hurricane. She wept from the unspeakable depths of a mother's heart. Fumbling around in the darkness, she searched for Him. Every step was taken blindly, surrounded by fog so thick, she couldn't tell if her next step would be the one to send her over the edge of the cliff. Would He catch them if they fell?
And He came...

Another silent birth on a warm day in July, they met their fourth child...their second son. They said hello and good-bye.
And He came...

Storms of rage and regret, disappointment and grief, rolled in as the clouds of darkness and doubt, bitterness and pain surrounded them. When the winds of the hurricane threatened fierce and certain destruction, one sparrow flew away and the other remained with broken wings to face the storm.
And He came...

Baby number five...For a moment there was silence, and her heart sank. And then...there it was...life's most precious, miraculous, beautiful sound...the cry of new life...the cry of their baby. They held him and cried in complete awe and gratefulness for the gift of this life.
And He came...

She watched helplessly as her mother painfully and slowly slipped away. As she reassured with promises from His word, they repeated together...He will carry me, He will carry me...and in the depths of her heart, she wondered where He was, and if He would really come.
And He came...

Because He came...
The two sparrows were not alone when they made their commitment to love and cherish each other for all of their days.

Because He came...
She stood up from the floor of their one bedroom apartment, He lifted her head and wiped her tears and gave her courage to begin a new journey.

Because He came...
There was peace in the silent snowfall, beauty in the brokenness, and the hope of the most amazing reunion filled with the unending joys of two little girls who have never known pain, sorrow, regret, sickness, or tears.

Because He came...
There is an answer to the question, "Where is your God now?" There is complete confidence in the sufficient grace of our loving Savior, comfort in the arms of the Comforter, hope in the promise that we will never be forsaken. That His arms are always faithful to carry us. There was strength for the journey. When darkness should have smothered her, joy overcame her at the meeting of her boy...the boy she would only hold for a little while, and yet carry for a lifetime. She felt Him brush past her, and it was almost as if she could just reach out and touch the hem of His garment. Never did she feel His closeness so much, as when He whispered past her to take her sweet boy home. She sang songs of peace and praise as he left her arms. And because He came, one more precious little one will join the forever reunion, with their forever family, in their forever home.


Because He came...
The sparrow flew home, and the other sparrow's broken wings were mended. They learned to hold on tight, so that when the hurricane winds blow, they will not be separated...but held together...closer still.

Because He came...
He carried her mother home just like He said He would, and He carries His sparrows still today...through storms and sunshine, laughter and tears.

More than two thousand years ago, the world ached for salvation, swelled with yearning for deliverance, redemption, restoration...for a Savior to rescue from sin and death. And He came...a baby King, born in a lowly stable on a quiet night to a peasant girl and her betrothed...a carpenter. He was in the still, small voice when He whispered past Elijah. And He was in the quiet stable birth when He came to rescue us and sent His angels to tell the lowly shepherds the good news.

His name is Jesus...and He came for me.

His name is Jesus...and He came for you.

And Because He came...there is hope for tomorrow and a promise of a joyful, forever reunion. He will wipe away all of the tears and wash away the loss and regret. He will cleanse and forgive and clothe us in robes of white. The empty arms will be filled. The hungry hearts will be fed. Brokenness will be restored. Mourning will be turned to dancing. And sin and death will be no more.

Because He came...He will carry us through this life.

And because He came...He will come again...in all His glory...to take us home.

© Kelly Gerken, Sufficient Grace Ministries 2008-2009

The One Who Knows The Heart

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

So God, who knows the heart, acknowledged them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as He did to us, and made no distinction between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith. ~ Acts 15:8-9

This verse reminds me of another verse when God chose an unlikely shepherd boy to be a king over His people. As Samuel was sent to anoint God's chosen one, he was surprised when the older brothers of David were passed over and God said to him, `"Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." ~ I Samuel 16:7

The Lord looks at the heart. He is not concerned with our status, our physical appearance, our position, our title. He is not concerned with our race, our nationality, whether we are Jewish or Gentile. He looks at our hearts. He sees us, knows us, every inch of our thoughts and dreams, our weaknesses, our brokenness, our gifts, our desires, our longings, our sorrows, our regrets, our victories, our failures. He sees it all. He is interested in a heart that's been purified by faith in Jesus...not anything else that this world will tell you makes you worthy of love, value, and acceptance. He just wants a heart that says, "I am willing to trust you. I believe you. I will follow you."

Back to Acts 15:8-9...The "God who knows the heart" then "acknowledges them by giving them the Holy Spirit". The Holy Spirit is talked about throughout Acts and we see the important role of the Holy Spirit in our lives emphasized many times throughout the New Testament from the time it was first received by the church in the beginning of Acts.

...they were forbidden by the Holy Spirit to preach the word in Asia. ~ Acts 16:6b

When these things were accomplished, Paul purposed in the Spirit, when he had passed through Macedonia and Achaia, to go to Jerusalem... ~ Acts:21a

For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things. ~ Acts:15:28

How did they know what the Holy Spirit was saying to them? How could they be certain that it was a message from the Lord? Two things: prayer and God's Word. Acts 12:5 ~ Peter was therefore in prison, but constant prayer was offered to God for him by the church. And what happened? But the word of God grew and multiplied. ~Acts 12:24 And, as they continued in prayer, seeking the Holy Spirit for guidance, and studying and preaching the word of God...what happened? So the churches were strengthened in the faith, and increased in number daily. ~ Acts 16:5 And again...what was happening as these men remained faithful to following His call? So the word of the Lord grew mightily and prevailed. ~ Acts 19:20

As a mom, sometimes I wonder if anything I do is really making a difference. Will my children choose to follow the Lord? Will the seeds we've planted take root or will they be swept away by the cares of this world? As a friend, I wonder if I show the love of Jesus to those around me? Is my light shining, or is it hidden beneath the pile of my weaknesses? As a wife, do I help my husband be the best he can be or am I a hindrance to his walk? As a servant in ministry, is my heart right? Could I do more, give more, pray more?

Sometimes, like Paul, I feel locked in a prison of my own making...kept from moving forward to complete freedom...kept from being all I can be. I want to shake loose from the chains, see the walls of my prison broken down. I want to be free to follow Him with all of my heart. I smile at the image of Paul and Silas in prison, "praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them." They were singing praise to God, while they were still in the prison. They were not free from circumstances. Yet, they were free...even while they were bound. The circumstances held no power over them.

God sends the earthquake. The walls from the prison come tumbling down. The guards see and are afraid. One says, "Sirs what must I do to be saved?" So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household." Acts 19:30-31They tell the prison guard about Jesus and go have a celebratory dinner with the guard and his newly saved family! (See Acts 16:25-40)

This simple "formula" from the early church encourages me to persevere. Through prayer, relying on the Holy Spirit, and the word of God...His work will be accomplished. We can keep on keeping on in obedience to His calling. Like Paul and Silas, we don't have to wait for perfect circumstances to praise our God...to walk as one who is complete and free as we sing and tell of His glory. Right where we are, we can praise the One who knows our hearts, and He will lead us to freedom. He will knock down our prison walls in His time. Until then, He will comfort and guide us with His Holy Spirit, as we seek Him through prayer, and study His perfect word.

That the World May Know...

Way down under, in a land far, far away... on a white sandy beach surrounded by the bluest ocean water my eyes have never seen, the sun sets. And on that beach, their names are written. The names that the world never knew...or only knew for a short time. The names that mothers' hearts long to hear spoken; names that are forgotten by some...never known by many. Long after the rest of the world moves on and the wounds heal and only the scars remain, the mother's heart still remembers...still longs to hear the names. For the moments when life moves forward and time seems to have forgotten, and even the mother longs for evidence, wondering: Was it all a dream? Were they were really here? Even a whisper of remembrance...even the smallest acknowledgment that they were here, that they mattered would comfort her aching heart.

She writes the names on the sandy white beach, thousands of names, because she knows that it matters to every mother's longing heart and every father, too. She knows that every life matters. And, even if it has been twelve years since the mother saw the face that belongs with the name, she writes in the sand, knowing that it will still touch the mother's heart that someone knows her baby was here. Her baby had a name. Her baby lived on this Earth. Her baby lives...in Heaven's glory.

There was a time, for many years, when I barely heard the names of my Faith, Grace, and Thomas. It was different twelve years ago...ten years ago when we lost our babies. There was no Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Organization. No perinatal hospice. No blogging. I didn't know about a birth plan. It was different, and yet...much of it is the same. Same great sorrow, same stormy sea of grief, same sufficient grace, same Jesus to carry us as He carried our babies Home, same aching empty arms, same brokenness...driving us deeper into the Savior's arms, same longing to hear the names of our babies spoken.

Just say their names. Please. Say their names. Faith Elizabeth Gerken, Grace Katherine Gerken, Thomas Patrick Gerken. They were here. You may have not known them, but I knew them. I knew that Faith was quiet and gentle and strong. She took the brunt of her syndrome and the brunt of her sister's wild kicks! I knew that Grace was fiesty. She never stopped moving. She kicked and flipped and flailed around. She was our firecracker. And, I knew that Thomas seemed to have a knowing about him...a quiet wisdom. He didn't kick, because there wasn't room for him to move, but his eyes always seemed to look right into mine during every ultrasound, and I knew him because he was my son. Through his life I learned about sufficient grace and about believing without seeing. And, when I met him...I learned that my Jesus would never leave me alone in the fiery furnace...that He would never leave us, nor forsake us. I learned that in the darkest moment, He will come. And, when I beheld the beauty of my son's face, it was like nothing I have ever seen.

Her name is Carly and she writes the names. Because every life matters, she writes the names. That the world may know, she writes the names...





To view their page on Carly's beautiful memorial site, click here.


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On a completely unrelated subject, I would like to just take a minute to acknowledge a couple of awards our blog was blessed with recently.

Thank you to Jennileigh for this sweet Butterfly Award.



And, from my dear bloggy-friend, Stacy D , this Sisterhood award. I cannot say enough about the faith of this beautiful "sister", and the blessing it has been to know her, and to walk with her as she is carried, through the great sorrow of losing her son Isaac, in the arms of our loving Savior with the most beautiful, amazing grace. Thank you Stacy.



I pass the honors on to:
Carly...because she writes the names and prays for every broken heart.

Megan at The Greatest Blessing because her courage as she clings to her Savior is inspiring. Her gift to make something beautiful out of something ordinary is being used to comfort grieving hearts. Because she is proof that He makes beauty from ashes.

Dee-Dee because she started our Tuesdays Together in the Word. And I so appreciate the blessing of every Tuesday together as we share what God is speaking to our hearts through His word. She is a woman of faith, and she has a beautiful mother's heart.

Susie at Be Strong and Courageous because her journey is amazing. Her Joshua has blessed my heart along with millions who prayed for him, who loved him, who said good-bye to him, and who remember him, right along with her. She is precious and witty, loves Jesus, and has an amazing mother's heart. I thoroughly enjoy visiting her blog.

Tricia at It's All About Him for joining with us to walk through His word on our Tuesdays Together. I'm so blessed to have met her and encouraged as we share what we are learning together each week.

Of course, I love the wit and humor of the Mamas - BooMama and BigMama, and of course MckMama for making me laugh daily and blessing my heart always. And who doesn't love Angie Smith and Lynette Kraft...and there are so many others.

I'm so grateful for this new sisterhood in blogworld! I have grown to love so many people that I have never even met. What a surprising gift. Thank you for your part in it.

Our Father's Business

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
~Psalm 19:14

We begin this Tuesday Together with the above words, which really express the prayer of my heart, as I write this post and look ahead to the rest of this week. Lord, You are my strength and my Redeemer. Please let my words and the thoughts of my heart be acceptable to you. Speak through me. Allow me to be used as a vessel of Your love to the people I encounter. What a humbling privilege it is to serve our faithful Lord.

And, another beautiful prayer comes from Proverbs 4:23 - 27:
Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you. Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your foot from evil.

It is a powerful thing to pray God's Word, and I have been so grateful for the Moms In Touch organization for teaching me to pray scripture over the lives of my children and in my own prayer life. I joined this special group of prayer-warrior mamas when Timothy was in Kindergarten (ten years ago!). It has been a blessing that I cannot describe. I have seen mountains moved as these faithful mothers have joined their prayers together weekly. What a gift it has been to form a bond unlike anything I can describe to intercede in prayer beside these women. This week's scriptures are perfect to use in my prayer devotions this week, both for my family and myself.

Some of the highlights from Acts: Of course, Saul's conversion. This part always cuts to my heart and moves me to tears. I love how God chooses the unlikely to show Himself even more. He chooses one who persecuted the church. And what a mighty conversion...it reveals not only God's grace that He would save one such as Saul, but reveals His power and might that He is able to so completely transform and redeem someone that was so passionately against Jesus that he killed His followers and took pride in His conquests. And, it is that one that God chooses to spread the gospel. (See Acts 9)

Then the Spirit told me to go with them, doubting nothing. ~ Acts 11:12 It went against what Peter knew to follow where God was calling him to go. But the Holy Spirit said go, and he should obey, doubting nothing. How many times has God called us to walk a path we don't understand? To reach out to one we can't imagine relating to? To let go of something that we held tightly? How many times has He called us to do "a new thing"?

When he came and had seen the grace of God, he was glad, and encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord. For he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith. And a great many people were added to the Lord. (speaking of Barnabas) ~ Acts 11:23-24Once again, I am thoroughly excited and inspired by the men and women of the early church...their zeal, their fervor, their adventure as they serve the Lord. I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I spent my days just "being about my Father's business". I long to be free from some of life's distractions and entanglements so that I could wholeheartedly spend my time serving the Lord, hearing His call, going where He leads, speaking of His faithfulness and love, offering His comfort to those who are hurting. And, yet, here I am...living a busy life that sometimes feels full of things that have nothing to do with "my Father's business". I am reminded of the "purpose of my heart... to continue with the Lord" and encouraged to follow that purpose with renewed energy.

Which brings me to Psalm 20:4-5: <em>May He grant you according to your heart's desire, And fulfill all your purpose. We will rejoice in your salvation, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions. When you are walking with the Lord, in prayer and spending time in His word, the desires of your heart are no accident. Many of them have been placed there by the God who made you uniquely you. He gives us the desires of our heart to fulfill His purposes, and the blessing overflows from our lives to the lives of others.

May He bless and keep each of us this week. May He guide us on the path He has chosen for us, fulfilling the desires of our hearts, keeping our feet straight that we may not wander to the right or to the left. And, where ever we are...whatever busyness of life fills our days, may He strengthen us to be about our Father's business. Establish our ways, Lord...establish our days.

The House That Love Built

O.K....I'm cheating a little. This was my Valentine's Day post, but I thought it would go well on a Wednesday Walk also. So, in the interest of not over committing...(part of operation Organize my Life)...I'm recycling this post! If you've already read it, I apologize, but if not please enjoy our little homage to the house that love built! Happy Wednesday!



A silent snow falls on this Valentine morning after a week of muddy-floody-rainy-mess. I have given the boys their little candy boxes and gave Tim his sappy Valentine card. Later, there will be pink and white cupcakes, a yummy dinner in a (hopefully) clean house, and a lovely evening with the one I love.

Last year, I felt compelled to write each of them a love letter, telling them ten things I love about them. I made each one a giant heart-shaped frosted brownie and put their hand-decorated Valentine beside it. It was an opportunity to tell them that they are special, that they matter, and they are loved. You know, it's rough out there in the big world...outside of this house, our home. This should be their haven. I know it most certainly is mine.

If I could, I would nestle in with these three people that God has blessed my life with and just happily live the rest of our lives. I didn't always feel that way. We have a fairly small three-bedroom, one bath house with a full basement (which saves us from being completely overcome with stuff!). A few years ago, we were so tired of neighborhood issues and this ever-shrinking little house, that we bought some farm ground in hopes of building a bigger house in the country...without neighbors to sully up our world and with more than one bathroom and walk-in closets! Life would be grand!

Then, my mother became increasingly ill as she battled cancer, and Tim's job as concrete/excavator foreman slowed down (along with everyone else in construction), and our house never sold in this new buyer's market. I stopped working for awhile, so I could be available for mom. And, our house plans were put on the back burner. The neighbors left and new difficult neighbors replaced them. I watched my beautiful mother suffer more than I ever thought was possible for a human being to suffer and then she was gone. I returned to work as we all grieved (and still grieve) her loss. We put our land up for sale as we realized that it would be better to stay in our little house than live under the weight of a debt we couldn't afford. No one bought the land. Apparently, we were not the only one's who were scaling back.

It took two years, and a much-lowered asking price before someone bought our land. Finally, last month, we were free from the burden we had put on our own shoulders. In that two years, I have realized that I love this little house that Tim helped build for us when we were just kids, while Timothy rode his Little Tykes toy on the plywood before the carpet was laid. This house, where Timothy first slept in a big boy bed...where Tim and I learned how to be married, as we began the journey of becoming one...where we came home to grieve without our Faith and Grace...where another pregnancy bloomed with morning sickness and a diagnosis that broke our hearts and drove us to our knees. We came home again, empty-handed and held on to each other without our sweet Thomas. A house that has been the backdrop for ten first day of school photos, fourteen family Christmas pictures, and several Thanksgiving dinners. This tiny house where we finally brought a new baby home (our sweet baby James) and placed him in the nursery. This house- with dents in the wall from times when someone threw a football and the recipient missed and stains on the carpet from spilled juice. This house that has flower border and burgundy carpet because I chose the decorations when I was just eighteen years old and the year was 1994 (yes, we will be updating now that we're staying!). This house... where our bedroom is nestled between the boys' bedrooms and I can hear everyone breathing the rhythmic breath of sleep.

So...this Valentine's Day I happily sit, not in my new house in the country with my own bathroom and a walk-in closet that's the size of our current bedroom. Nope, I'm here, in the house that love built, feeling all full and safe and warm while silent snow falls outside my window. Thank you, Jesus for this little house and this little family. My cup overflows.

O Lord, My Strength...

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From His temple he heard my voice; my cry came before Him into His ears.
~Psalm 18:1-6

We live in a place where babies die...where cancer causes suffering and slowly takes the life from one we love...where people can't always be trusted...where marriages fail...where hearts are broken...where lives are destroyed by addiction...where the cords of death can entangle. We live in a fallen world with sorrow and pain and grief. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the torrents of destruction. Some days the cords of death entangle me. Since my first taste of death's sting when we said good-bye to our Faith and Grace, I have been awakened to the sorrow that lives in the valley of the shadow of death. Not only in my own life, but in the lives of others. There are so many grieving hearts in need of comfort. Death will not only touch all of our lives as we will inevitably say good-bye to those we love, but touches those around us who grieve and need someone willing to walk with them in their pain. Some days it's overwhelming to look upon the sorrow of so many grieving hearts.

And then, I remember, my God who is able...the One who hears my cry...

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters...(Psalm 18:16)
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and Your right hand sustains me; You stoop down to make me great. You broaden my path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. ~ Psalm 18:30-36

How many times my Jesus has reached down from on high and taken hold of me...drawing me out of deep water...waters that I thought I would drown in. How many times He has kept my lamp burning, turning my darkness into light. My daily existence is evidence of His ability to turn darkness into light. How many times He has sustained me with His right hand. Until the hope of heaven is fulfilled, He will sustain me.
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We started the books of Acts in this week's reading, and I am amazed and encouraged by the zeal of Peter, John, Stephen and others who relentlessly shared the gospel every chance they were given...in prison, during stonings, under duress. They proclaimed the power of Jesus, the gift of salvation for all who call upon the name of the Lord.
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. ~ Acts 4: 12-13

I love this! It was evident that they were "unschooled, ordinary men" and that's how they determined that they had truly been with Jesus. Jesus was reflected even more through their weaknesses. The name of Jesus holds the power of salvation for those who call on Him. Their words, their courage, their boldness didn't come from man or the wisdom of man...but from God. Through the Holy Spirit they were filled with wisdom and courage.

Later in chapter 4, when they had been threatened over and over to stop telling people about Jesus, they prayed instead for more boldness...Lord, consider their threats and enable Your servants to speak Your word with great boldness. (Acts 4:29) And, after they were flogged for telling others about Jesus...for obeying God rather than men... The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ. ~ Acts 5:41-42 They actually rejoiced that they were flogged for following their Savior. And they never stopped proclaiming the good news of Jesus to everyone they encountered.

Wow...amazing...

Oh, Lord...strengthen my faith. Give me a heart that is willing to serve you with boldness. Strengthen me to take up my cross daily...remembering those who have gone before me...remembering my God who is able to equip me for every good work.

Sweet Baby Cora

Please pray for the McClenahan family. Their precious baby Cora just went home to be with Jesus this morning. Our hearts are broken for this beautiful family as they grieve Cora's passing. Today, we weep with them...even as we trust our faithful God to be their comfort, hope, and peace.

UPDATE: Please add Baby Gracie's family to your prayers as well...

If one part (of the body of Christ) suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. ~I Corinthians 12:26


And, we hold on to the promise that one sweet day..."He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~Revelation 21:4

The Man Voice

It must have been happening gradually for awhile, but it really hit me one morning. I was getting ready for work, stumbling around all bleary-eyed, trying to shake the "I Don't Wannas" and face the day. Tim had just said good-bye and left for work. I heard his truck rumble off down the road. I was walking down the hall in my morning daze when I heard a man's voice from the darkness of the bathroom. I jumped, obviously startled that I would hear a man's voice in my house after my husband had left. I looked up to see that the voice had come from my son. My son, who stood scratching his big afro-like curly hair that he refuses to get cut (much to his father's chagrin), asking me where all the towels were.

The man voice is a topic of discussion often among my circle of friends. We'll be talking on the phone and say, "Oh...do you need to hang up now, I heard the man voice." (Translated: Your husband's home...we better not be sitting around talking on the phone!) Or, more recently, as my friend Lynette's boys reached high school, I would notice the man voice in each of them when they answered the phone. I kept thinking each one was her husband, and now I have given up guessing. I teased her that all of her boys were getting the man voice and I never knew who I was talking to. Now, when my friends call me, they don't know where the man voice is coming from. Was that your husband or your son?

Six months ago, he was not as tall as me. Now, I look up to see where the man voice is coming from when he speaks. Six months from now, he'll be driving a car. You know that commercial were the little girl is asking her dad if she can go somewhere with her friends and if she can have the car. She's about five and so cute. Then, it flashes to the dad handing her the keys, and she's really a teenager. But, the whole time they were talking, he saw her as his little five-year-old girl. That's how I feel. When I look at him, I still see my little boy. And I'm not sure at what point in this crazy journey, I will see him as a young man. Will he always look like my little four-year-old boy who used to like to snuggle me and watch Old Yeller, instead of flinching when I reach out to touch him? Will I always see him reading his little insect book over his round little glasses, instead of struggling through Spanish homework, and refusing to let me help him?

In my mind, I'm still young, and so is he. But, time marches on...and I am no longer the mother of littles. My little boys are getting big. And, I am shocked. I have said it before, and I'll say it again...no one tells a mother this revelation when she is holding her sweet baby. No one tells you this when you still have a little hand to hold as you cross the street. No one tells you this while you look down to answer the tiny voice saying, "Mommy...". No one tells you that someday, you will not be able to comfort your little one so easily. He will not fit in your arms, and he may not want the comfort of your arms. Someday, you will look up to respond to a man voice calling you "Mom". And you will stand in awe, wondering how and when this happened. Maybe you won't...maybe you'll be expecting it. But I wasn't.

Just like I was amazed when he learned to walk and talk. Amazed when he played baseball, and could run and hit and pitch. Amazed when he learned to read and made friends. Amazed when he could swing a golf club with such grace, and quickly surpassed me and many of his peers in ability. I am amazed now, that he is becoming a man. The transition is a process that will take me some time. I have always been grateful that God gives us time for each transition in parenthood. We can grow through the stages of our children's development. Often, just when we get one stage figured out, it's time for a new one to begin. I am being dragged kicking and screaming into this phase. In fact, we've been here awhile and I still haven't accepted it. But, it's happening anyway.

I am so glad that throughout his young life, the Lord prompted me to teach him biblical truth as he faced various life lessons. There was an urgency especially from about ages 10-12 to cram as much in as possible. It needed to be said while he was still listening. Because now, he isn't listening much. There is so much letting go and tearing away. So much to trust the Lord with. Did I do enough? What kind of a man will he be? What kind of husband, father, Christian, provider will he be? Will he bring glory to God with his life? Have I been a good enough example? Have I failed in too many of the things that are important? Oh, the weight of responsibility. Oh, the realization that this child will not be mine forever...that he will go into the world his own person...that he will make his own choices...that he was never mine to begin with. Oh...

My son, do not forget my teaching,but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:1-6

Make our paths straight, Lord...please direct his path and mine through this unknown place.

The Author and Finisher of our Faith

For more information about Tuesdays Together in The Word or to join us on the journey, please visit DeeDee's blog.

Jesus is our example. We should look to Him as our example in every situation we face. I remember the first time it struck me that He agonized over facing the cross. Before that day, I either didn't give it much thought or I thought, "He's Jesus...and that made it easier for Him to handle anything".

It was the night when I faced my own cross...at least the heaviest cross I had been asked to bear so far. (And, no...I don't mean to compare what I faced to bearing the sins of the world. But, for me it was the most agonizing thing I had faced at that point in my life.) It was our third pregnancy. After losing our twin daughters, we were apprehensive about having another child. And, even more so when our obstetrician noted a problem with the ultrasound and sent us to the high-risk pregnancy doctor. That's where we heard the words "incompatible with life" to describe our son's situation. That's the moment when the darkness smothered me...the moment when I had never felt more forsaken.

I couldn't sleep that night. The tears wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't subside. There was no where to find relief. Desperate for comfort. Desperate for hope. Just desperate, I searched the scriptures, struggling to read through my tears. "Jesus is my example," I thought. "Show me, Lord. Show me the way to walk this path. I want to please you... I want to trust you...but I don't want to lose another child. My heart is broken..."

The first verses I read were in Hebrews 12:2 ...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Two truths slammed into my heart. 1. Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame. It wasn't easy for Him. 2. He did it for the joy set before Him. There was a purpose...our salvation and His glory. There would be joy on the other side of the suffering.

Then, I looked to Luke 22:39-44 and focused for the first time on the agony of my Savior. What did He do when He was in agony? He prayed. He asked the Father three times "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from Me".
Then He said, "nevertheless not my will, but Yours be done." Then, an angel appeared and strenthened Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling on the ground. (verse 44)

This was our Savior, our Redeemer, our King...in agony. What did He do? The more agony He felt, the harder He prayed. He poured out His requests to the Father, but inevitably trusted the Father for what was best. Faith. Trust. Abide. Humble to the Point of Laying Down His Very Life. He accomplished the task, and all the while, He kept His eyes on the prize...the "joy that was set before Him".

Whatever you are facing today, whatever sorrow, disappointment, longing, suffering, or pain...He knows the depth of your agony. You can look to the "author and finisher of your faith". He will carry you through the agony to the joy set before you. We do not follow a God who doesn't understand our suffering. He has walked through the valley of the shadow of death. In fact, He conquered the very power of death... for us. And one day...one sweet day...He will wipe away all of our tears. Just take His hand and let Him lead you...