Snow Days - Yay for a Lazy Wednesdays Walk

 
I'm a day late and a dollar short...but I thought I'd join in with Jennilee's Lazy Wednesdays Walk. It's easy...just pick an old post to share and link up. And, mama likes easy.

Originally posted on December 2, 2008...  (pictures newly added for this post.)


Today was a blessed event at our house. You may have heard the whoops and hollers of glee as we jumped on our beds this morning. It was a Snow Day! One of life's most glorious gifts. Time to sleep in. Time to snuggle in. Time to make snow angels in the snow...(even if there's barely two inches on the ground and the grass is peeking out). Time to sled down the reservoir hills (I still scream and laugh all the way down!) Time for snow ice cream. And time for hot chocolate with marshmallows on top and the special mugs with the snowman lids reserved for just such an occasion. Time to do whatever we want.


Time...

So often, I'm rushing around saying..."We don't have time" for this or that. We have... Rushed time. Scheduled time. Church time. Ministry time. Practice time. Work time. School time. Homework time. Tee time. Chores time. Story/Devotional time. Prayer time. And Bedtime. Sometimes it feels like... No time!

But a snow day stops the world at our house. A snow day means...Free time, Family time, Fun time. Time to stop and watch the snowflakes, and maybe catch a few on our tongues as we marvel at the creativity of our Creator. Time to allow the sound of our children's laughter to soak into our soul, cherishing the moment and thanking God for the gift of their lives. Time to referee their arguments and realize that the time will come when I will have a quiet house and will miss even the chaos that I too quickly wish away and grow irritated with. Time for teachable moments. Time for rest. Time to care for our home and keep some semblance of order. Time to think, to dream, to reflect, to remember. Time to pray and worship with a grateful heart. Ahh...time.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of Snow Days...thank you Lord, for today.
 
Originally posted on December 2, 2008...

Children's Book Reviews...A Giveaway...and Supporting Sufficient Grace This Christmas

Recently, Anthony DeStefano asked me to review his latest children's book, Little Star. The story is about a Little Star that is ignored and feels useless, until God uses him in a very special way. I was going to tell you my take on it. However, since my son enjoyed the book, I thought you might prefer hearing what he had to say. I will say that I really liked the illustrations.

A book review by James, age 9:

Little Star was lonely at the beginning. Nobody wanted to play with him. The other stars started talking about a king that was going to be born. Little Star shined as brightly as he could to keep the baby king warm. He wanted to shine for Jesus. I liked this book because it seemed like in the beginning he wasn't important. But, in the end, he made a big difference.

Thank you for your help, James....very nice book report...ahem....review. ;)

We still love children's books here, even though my littles are getting rather big. Well, at least James and I still love them! Some of our favorites are the God Gave Us... books. God Gave Us You, God Gave us Christmas, God Gave us Heaven...etc.

I think these books help relate spiritual truths to young children at a level they can relate to, and they always seem to speak to my heart as well. (Yes, I'm a huge sap...and still cry when I read most of them.) The illustrations are lovely, and the stories make for very special moments snuggled up to share a bedtime story. They often lead to great discussions, as well.

Sooooo....

I ordered a couple of my favorites to give away here. I will be giving God Gave Us Heaven and God Gave Us Christmas to two commenters on this post. We have several other Christmas favorites, here too...including The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I'd love to hear some of your favorite children's books...so feel free to share!

 (Pics from http://www.christianbook.com/ , one of my favorite places to order Christian books and other stuff!)

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In other news...

I just wanted to share that there are a few things you can do to help support Sufficient Grace Ministries this holiday season, and beyond.

One easy and painless way you can help is by using Goodsearch any time you search the internet, or to make holiday and other online purchases using Goodshop and listing Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women as your charity of choice.

You can go to the http://www.goodsearch.com/ website and search there if you don't want to add the toolbar...or, you can use the Goodsearch button on our right sidebar.

If you wish to add the toolbar:
Add the Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women toolbar to IE or Firefox. Once you add the Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women toolbar for IE or Firefox, each time you shop at one of the more than 1,300 participating stores, a percentage of what you spend will be donated to us at no extra cost to you! (you could even save money as the toolbar provides coupons and deals). The toolbar also has a search box and each time you search the Internet, about a penny is donated to us. No registration is required! http://www.goodsearch.com/toolbar/sufficient-grace-ministries-for-women

Another way to help, is to prayerfully consider making an end-of-the-year donation to Sufficient Grace. We are a 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization. All donations made to SGM are tax deductible, and are used to help us continue to provide products and services to grieving families free of charge, as well as to cover the administrative costs of running this nationwide (and beyond) ministry. Donations can be made safely by clicking on the donation icon on the right sidebar. You can also learn more about sponsoring a family and/or hospital by visiting the Dreams of You Shop page and making a donation there.

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Our band, One Way, has been invited to do some praise and worship and Christmas music at the Holgate United Methodist Church on the last Sunday of November during their morning service. If you are in the area, we'd love to see you there!

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One more request, please keep all of the grieving families in your prayers. All holidays and, especially the Christmas season can be extra difficult for those missing a loved one. That's one of the reasons that we like to give away some extra things to bring some joy to a difficult time...and to acknowledge those who are missing someone they love. I have placed an order for several such items this week and will be doing some giveaways here on the blog.

So, stay tuned.

And...for those of you slugging it out in the thick of grief right now...keep on keepin' on and keep holding on to the One who is able to carry you with His strength, comfort, love, and grace.

Let's Hear it for the Boys

On this Veteran's Day, we are thankful to all the men and women who have served, are currently serving, and will someday serve this country...and to their families. Thank you for the sacrifices you make every day to protect our freedom and our beloved country. You have our prayers and our gratitude.

That being said, I would like to dedicate the rest of this post to boys and men and all the things that make them who they are.

I've been reflecting on the gift of the plethora of boys in my life, and the reasons God put them there. Why would he surround me with three brothers, three step brothers, a manly-man husband, and three sons (one in heaven)? You can imagine my initiation into wife/motherhood. I had been in a home where the woman was in charge, where tea sets and flowers had the free reign of the house. And, I married this man who hunted with guns and went to the woods willingly, and rode big horses that made me sneeze, and slurped his milk when he ate his cereal, and came home dirty and smelly after a hard day's work, and wrestled with our son to bond with him, and thought he should be in charge.

What was this foreign land...and how did I get here?

My posse of church ladies stepped in and taught me the importance of loving, honoring, and respecting my husband. I soon learned to look at having the husband as the head of the family as a gift. They also taught me the importance of shaping my son into a young man with all the characteristics he would need to lead his family one day. Courage, integrity, strength, a protector, a provider...perseverance, commitment, a standard of excellence, the heart of a warrior, a willingness to fight the good fight... to stand for truth...to place his trust in the God who created him.

I have been reflecting on the making of a warrior's heart. A boy just doesn't become a man over night. Seeds have to be planted in his heart along the way. He needs challenges to overcome, adventures to embark on, obstacles to conquer. He needs those things to become the strong man he was created to be. That involves the kind of love that doesn't hold on too tightly...the kind of mother who knows when she needs to let go and get out of the way. And, the kind of father who leads by example. That didn't always come easy for me, a woman who loves to be in control. And a woman who spent many years clinging tightly to the child that wasn't taken home to heaven too soon, while watching the others slip from my grasp. But, I learned...sometimes with the gentle leading of my quiet, but extremely wise husband...that sometimes, I need to step back and get out of the way. Children can't spread their wings and soar when we are holding on too tightly...and they can't learn how to make the right choices if they never have the opportunities to make any choices of their own.

Certainly the God who made the sun stand still and parted the Red Sea is capable of keeping my children in His care, guiding them on the right path, and growing them into the young men He has created them to be...right?

For a girlie girl, I find it interesting that God has, in His infinite wisdom, chosen to surround me with boys my entire life. Perhaps He desires that I learn how to love and honor men and the gift they are to us. Perhaps He meant for me to develop the abiding appreciation that has captured my heart for all things little boy...and big alike. For, I do so adore boy-world (well, most of it!) and all of it's rumbly, tumbly, noisy, burping, giggling, one-liner zinging, golf-swinging, dog rolling, tackling, pizza-eating, muddy, wrestling goodness.

And, it's a good thing. Because, these days my tiny house is full of boys! After school there are James' friends, the neighbor boy, Timothy, and sometimes several of his friends (which are all now man-sized). James played wiffle ball for hours after school yesterday with a few boys while Timothy squeezed a golf game out of one of the fleeting last days of this year's Indian summer with a car full of boys. After bible study, we turned the corner to find several boys playing football on our cul-de-sac in the street.

I said, "What on earth?"

And, then..."Wait a minute...I think these boys belong to me! Or at least one of them!"

Sure enough...it was Timothy and a group of guys playing some "street" ball. James joined in. And, I smiled...shaking my head as I went into the house. They came in all sweaty, red faced and out of breath a few minutes later and launched into a video game, with their raucous trash talking....all crammed into my tiny living room.

My cup runneth over...

WWY....Last Blog Feature Post...and What Gifts are you Thankful for, Even in Grief?

We are going to post the last few links to featured blogs. It seems that this segment of WWY has run it's course, as few people are visiting the featured blogs. I hope you will take a few minutes to visit these families this week.

Also, I would like to know what is on your heart for the next WWY? What do you think would be helpful? 

And...if you have a minute...I'd also love your opinion on a question posted in the SGM Blog Frog Community regarding a book I've been working on for awhile. Thanks so much!
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Some mamas who could use your love and support:

We lost our precious daughter, Kara, on December 26, 2009. She was 2 1/2 yrs old, and her death was ruled SUDC, Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood. Kara would have celebrated her 3rd birthday next Tuesday, on July 13th. We blogged about Kara's life with our family at http://karaannelang.blogspot.com/.

Thank you for doing what you are doing for others.
With hope,
Kathy Lang


My name is Angie
Our baby daughters name is Addison Kathelene...9/12/2010
Our family blog is OUR HEAPPY MEDIUM


My name is Tina
My babies names are Isaac & Hannah Joy
My blog is Fly Away Home To Heaven
http://flyawayhome08.blogspot.com/

This next link is their story
http://flyawayhome08.blogspot.com/2009/06/story-of-isaac-hannah-joy.html

Please stop by and show them some love this week!

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And, now...I'd like to share a repost from last year about gratefulness...and I ask you to share yourselves. What are you thankful for, even in your grief?

Reflecting on gratefulness is very valuable...especially in the throes of grief. Grief is big and consuming. The simplicity of counting our blessings refocuses a grieving heart from the giants of pain, sorrow, and hopelessness to the hope, comfort, peace, and eventually joy that waits for us on the other side of the valley. The comfort that waits for us in the arms of our Savior.


For the Lord will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.
~Isaiah 51:3

I am thankful...that I have been comforted by the Lord.


I am thankful...that His grace is sufficient.

I am thankful...that my wilderness has become like Eden, my desert like the garden of the Lord.


I am thankful...that joy has been restored, that morning has come.


I am thankful...for every moment I watched Faith and Grace and Thomas on the ultrasound screen.

I am thankful...for every hiccup, every movement, every kick, every stretching pain, (not-so-much the nausea and vomiting:).

I am thankful...for every dream that we shared together for your lives.


I am thankful...for every conversation that held your names...and for all the times your names have yet to be spoken or written.

I am thankful...that I was chosen to be your mother...for the blessing and privilege of that amazing gift.


I am thankful...that all of my children, in heaven and earth, have their daddy's dark eyes and cute nose.

I am thankful...for prayers prayed over you, songs sung to you, tears wept for you, and the love that spills from the hearts that loved you...and continue to love you.


I am thankful...that Thomas opened his eyes to look up at me and a picture captured that moment of bliss.
I am thankful...that my babies lived on Earth...and that they live in heaven.


I am thankful...Faith, Grace, and Thomas...that I carried you in my womb, held you in my arms, and forever hold you in my heart.

I am thankful...for the promise that I will hold my sweet babies once more in heaven's glory and we will never say good-bye again.

I am thankful...that because our babies lived, many families are comforted in the midst of their sorrow.


I am thankful...that our mourning has been turned into dancing...that our love has sustained the storms of grief...that our God is able to carry us through this life and keep us together as we walk with Him.

I am thankful...that God has blessed me with the boys who remain here with us, filling our house with boisterous noise and the husband who continues to make me laugh, and fills my heart with songs of joy.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
~Psalm 30:11-12

Real Life is Messy and Imperfect....And Other Stuff I'd Like to Share

Real life is messy and imperfect.

And, so am I.

And that's O.K.

God has been working in my heart, teaching me a new song. And, I think I'm really starting to embrace what He is doing in my life. It is all about sweet freedom from the expectations we sometimes put on ourselves and others...even the expectations we have about this life.

I weigh more than I want to...because I love food.

A lot.

I'm working on that...sometimes. I should say, I'm working on getting out of the way and letting God work in my life to free me of my unhealthy attitudes about food. Sometimes. And other times, I'm drinking Pepsi and eating a handful of Doritos.

My emotions are messy and out of whack. I'm learning to go with it, and pray through it. Embracing the crazy when necessary, and leaning on the strong shoulders of my husband when necessary...pulling myself up by my bootstraps and doing the next thing, when I must.

And that's o.k., too. I don't have to have it all together. God takes me just as I am, and He is able to shape and mold me...to carry me and all my broken pieces...to make something beautiful out of all my ugly.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we could just be.....just be whatever we are meant to be, think, feel....for that moment, and allow God's grace to pour over us where we fall short? Just embrace whatever God is bringing or allowing into our lives for today. Maybe you already have learned to embrace that freedom, to lay it all down at His feet...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have not...but I'm working on it.

Less guilt and more embracing. Less regret over what isn't and more gratefulness over what is.

Yesterday was the fourteenth (heavenly) birthday of our baby girls, Faith and Grace. I wanted to buy pink balloons and do a release like we had done for Thomas' birthday. Since, you know, it has taken me fourteen years to think of such a thing. I even thought about making pink cupcakes to feed to the boys in this house. And myself, of course. (Have I mentioned I never met a cupcake I didn't like?)

We've had a few days of the flu here, which has put a damper on life in general and most of my plans and expectations....like getting SGM shipments to grieving families, balancing the checkbook, paying bills, cleaning the house, etc. I returned to work yesterday, after a day of wallowing in bed to recover. And, the balloons were never ordered. The cupcakes were never baked. I came home from work grumpy and growly over who-knows-what. I grumped and growled at Timothy and scowled at the world for a few minutes before the boys both decided to launch into an all out tease-fest until I relented and laughed, despite myself.

Even when I released the grumpy attitude, I decided I really didn't feel like doing a balloon release. I just wanted to lay on my bed and talk to Tim about life, dream some dreams with him, remember a little, talk to the kids about what life would be like if Faith and Grace and Thomas were here. Yikes, five children living in this tiny house! Laugh some more at their ideas. I just wanted to be. For some reason, imperfect seemed more fitting for yesterday than a pretty balloon release and pink cupcakes. And, that's o.k. Why not? That's who were are, at least for today...and that's what seemed best for the moment. Some random day, I may just do a balloon release...or maybe on another birthday...or maybe not. In heaven, I'm sure that their celebration was perfect. But, here on earth...nothing is.

Thanks to Crystal and Calvin, though, my girls still had cupcakes. Love you, girl!
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In other news...

I found out the reason that I am literally allergic to exercise and break out in excruciating hives and horrible itching whenever I try to run....or....um....walk briskly. It turns out I may have a soul mate in Kristen, even though she doesn't know me at all, and may be a little freaked out by the proclamation that she is my soul mate. Apparently, I am unfit. (In regards to exercise, at least.) I can see that.

During our flu episode, and some random cartoon watching, James and I discovered this strange show where a boy named Jimmy has a neighbor named......Mrs. Gerken! (O.k....you don't hear Gerken on TV shows very often...so this was quite exciting for me!! Plus, I work with children, and hear them calling me Mrs. Gerken all day, so I was thinking they would really get a kick out of the fact that I was now a famous cartoon character...sort of.) Jimmy is scared to go to her house and thinks it's creepy. When she opens the door, we see Mrs. Gerken. And, guess what?

She is a creepy old-lady version of a pickle. More likely spelled Gherkin. Not quite what I expected.
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Our band, One Way, has been working on some Christmas music (with a contemporary flair) in anticipation of the upcoming Christmas Praise Night at church, in addition to the praise and worship songs already on our set list. We have been praying for more opportunities to minister through music, and would love to play at other churches, events, venues. If you are within a couple hours of Northwest Ohio, we would be willing to come your way. All proceeds from our performances support Sufficient Grace Ministries.

I am finishing the last segment of the featured mamas on Walking With You, and currently I'm praying for what to do next on our bereavement site. I'm open to suggestions.

Speaking of suggestions, I'm getting ready to work on my on-going book project a little more. Yes, I'm a spurter. I work in spurts. I've posted a request for your opinions in the Blog Frog Community on the right sidebar. Your input would be greatly appreciated. And your prayers....

Also, I just realized that I said I would pick two winners of a My Forever Child pin on this post from the giveaway extravaganza and only chose one.
So...we will be sending a My Forever Child pin to my bloggy friend, Caroline. 
Hoping to finally get all the shipments out by this weekend. So sorry for the wait!

Well, it turns out this post was kind of messy and all over the place. But, I suppose it fits the theme. Life is messy. Just embrace it, along with the portion of sufficient grace set aside for us each day from our loving Father.

Fourteen...My Sweet Girls...

It has been fourteen years since I held you both...one in each arm...with your daddy on one side of me, and your Grandma Kathy nearby. Fourteen years since I sang Amazing Grace while gazing through tears at your sweet little faces, a silent snow falling outside the window.

Dark eyes like your daddy and brothers...

God honored my request that all of my babies would have their daddy's beautiful brown eyes...

Tiny little noses, just like daddy and brothers...

A little hint of mommy around your tiny mouths...

There would have been two of everything...

Sweet Faith, you may have added piano music to our melody with your long, slender fingers.

And dear Grace, I imagine you would have belted out words of praise beside your mama. For some reason, in my mind, I picture that your feisty spirit would ensure that your voice would always be heard.

But, those are my dreams.

Who knows if that's the way it would be at all. If there is one thing I've learned about being a mother for the past sixteen years, it's that children are their own people, not put on this earth to fulfill our dreams. They each have their own purpose, their own free will, their own heart's desires, their own dreams to fulfill. I always worried if I would know how to parent a daughter...much less two little girls. For some reason, the Lord has seen fit to surround me with boy world. I love boy world, and appreciate all the gifts that go with it...well most of them. But, I long for my little girls, who wouldn't be so little anymore.

Maybe you would have pink golf clubs right along side mine. Maybe you would take the stage and play the part. Maybe you would sing a song of worship, or write heart-stopping prose. I wonder how you would have changed the world if you were here. Then I remember, how much you already have done to make a difference in this world. Two tiny girls, who never took a breath on this earth. I wonder...do you know how many people know your names? Do you know how many grieving hearts have found comfort because you lived?

Most likely we would argue over time limits in the one bathroom in our tiny house, the length of your skirts, the angst over all things teenage-girl. I can only dream of what a mother's heart still longs for...but I know in reality, life would be imperfect.

Still,  I long for you both. I long for my mama-heart dreams...and for the reality of imperfection. I long to hold you. Although if you are like your older brother, you'd have none of that by this time.

Happy Fourteenth Birthday, my beautiful girls. We love you. We miss you. We are grateful for every gift your lives have given to us...and for every dream that still fills our hearts for you. Hug your Grandma and Thomas and tell them we love them.

Keep dancing your beautiful dance. I'll keep trying to stumble through mine. One day, I'll be dancing with you.


For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God...
Ephesians 2:8

Choosing to SEE

I am most of the way through Mary Chapman's book, Choosing to SEE. My heart is so full, I couldn't wait until I was finished to pour out the words and emotions oozing from me this morning.

I'll be honest, I was putting it off. Not sure what I expected. I spend so much of my time immersed in the grief of others, reading the stories of broken-hearted mothers and families trying to live a new normal. Prayers for each of them leave my lips and the weight of each one tugs at my heart. I have learned to balance the heaviness of grief, both my own and others, while still embracing the joy of every breath. Well, most of the time. In truth, I suppose I'm still learning to do that...and covered in much grace as I try.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I expected from this book, but I knew that it would be another story of a broken-hearted mother carried by a loving God, comforted in His arms. I needed some time to prepare for this one.

What I didn't expect was how much of Mary Beth's heart was poured into her telling of the story that God has woven through her amazing life. I didn't expect there to be so much of her shining from the pages . And, I certainly didn't expect her to capture my heart so completely with her spirit. I was there in Columbus when time stopped as she took the Women of Faith stage to tell her story for the first time. I mean this with all do respect. But Mary Beth is not a typical wrapped up in a neat bow, smoothed edges Christian. She is beautiful...don't get me wrong. But, she is probably the most genuine, real person...so real that it is disarming. So honest, and humble. So not a picture of a woman wallowing in grief, and yet still someone that you know battles the struggles of balancing sorrow and joy each day. She is funny and gritty, honest about her imperfections in a way that somehow endears her to us even more.

I laughed through most of this book. And a couple times, I cried. But, when she told the account of what happened on May 21, 2008 in her driveway....the words gut-wrenching and heart-wrenching took on new meaning for me as the two collided in my own body's physical response to her words. The sobs I cried literally wrenched my heart and turned my stomach as I pictured the blow that Satan delivered to this beautiful family on that spring day. I wanted to throw my arms around each of them, and felt as if I were there feeling the devastation with them that day as I read her words. And, the mother part of me wanted to back away...run away...far away from the possibility that any mother would ever be in that moment.

And, then...came hope.

The kind of hope that rises when you are in the midst of the ugliest, most hopeless situation. The kind of raw truth....so bare and real that when it comes in the midst of such incredible devastation that you know it has to be real. You couldn't conjure up that kind of hope when you are so hopeless. Those are the moments we know that God will meet us there. When hope falls from the mouth of a mother who has just held her lifeless child for the last time...and a father who gave his last butterfly kiss. That is the place where eternity lives on this earth. That is where we have to embrace God and know that He is. When it is the darkest and the veil is the thickest....that is when we SEE with the most clarity....our desperate need for Him. And, his complete ability and willingness to meet us anywhere.

I love that Mary Beth seems like the kind of soul that would rather laugh...which is kind of ironic, considering that she has cried many tears in her life as she battles depression and now has walked such intense grief. I love that about her...that she has a spirit that still finds a way to laugh and desires to make others laugh. I love that she finds herself in these crazy Lucille Ball moments (of which I can also relate). I love that she is a beautiful mess. And, I love that it is so easy to see Jesus through her beautiful mess. I wonder if she knows that she and her family have revealed Jesus to so many people in such a tangible, miraculous way. Those seem like just words....inadequate words. I know she would say that she is a mother who would trade all of the lives touched by Maria's passing to hold her little girl again. But, that truth just makes THE truth even more real and beautiful.

Stephen and Mary Beth aren't just giving some pretty Christian words like a band aid to fix everything. They are living this. They are "doing hard", gut-wrenching, toughing it out through this pain....and still clinging to Him for breath everyday. When they say He is the way, because of where they have walked, it is believable....even for the most hardened cynic.

God's timing is always so perfect, and He is creative in the ways He speaks to our hearts. Do you know that there is no place too far, too dark that He cannot reach you? Do you know that He will not give up....He will not stop reaching for you...even when you are not reaching back? Please let those words sink in.

I have not been the person I want to be...for such a long time. I've hidden behind my layers. A couple times, I ventured out...thinking I could climb out out on my own. Saying I would trust God to help me, but not really trusting Him. The layers were no match for me...with all their stinky heaviness. Even as I write this, I just ate a handful of Doritos. I am still a work in progress, but I know who to cling to. I know the Lifter of my Head.

Recently, some wonderful blogger friends attended the Relevant Conference. I so wanted to go, but it just wasn't to be. I couldn't make the time and resources fit into my plan, and figured it must not have been in God's plan for me to go. Instead, I stayed home and had a very revealing conversation with my husband about the way I spend my time and the focus of my heart.

Home was where I needed to be.

Home needed to be the most relevant thing for that moment. God has been speaking to my heart about living the life He's given me to live....even as I balance the reality of sorrow in the lives of others. He has been whispering freedom and joy into my heart in ways that I am trying to learn to embrace. I have been hiding under the various hats I wear and the many layers I cover myself with. My visits with the Lord have been few and far between...other than the prayers I lift for those who are hurting, the mini prayers I throw up on behalf of my family, and the moments He has permeated my heart during worship. My time with Him has not been as intentional...not a daily priority. Not lately. It's hard to run to Him, when you are busy running away.

As I've poured over Mary Beth's book the past couple days, it occurs to me that God can reveal His relevance and make our lives relevant where ever we are. I didn't get to go to the conference and hug the women whom I have laughed with and cried with, prayed with, and been inspired by since I entered this blogging world. I didn't get to go get all encouraged and filled up. Oh, how I longed to go. But, He is filling me right here....stinky, onion layers and all. Right here. Finding me, even as I'm running away. Loving me just as I am...embracing me just as I am...using me, just as I am.

I desperately want to be relevant...and free...full of joy...living this life...embracing every moment...dancing the dance He has meant for me to dance. I want to live the adventure He means for us to live...ready to go every time He says go. Unencumbered by the worldly flesh that holds us back. I want to see all that He has for us...I want to SEE Him in everything.

And, I feel Him whispering....

"Just show up. I'll do the rest."


He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?      Micah 6:8