Real Life is Messy and Imperfect....And Other Stuff I'd Like to Share

Real life is messy and imperfect.

And, so am I.

And that's O.K.

God has been working in my heart, teaching me a new song. And, I think I'm really starting to embrace what He is doing in my life. It is all about sweet freedom from the expectations we sometimes put on ourselves and others...even the expectations we have about this life.

I weigh more than I want to...because I love food.

A lot.

I'm working on that...sometimes. I should say, I'm working on getting out of the way and letting God work in my life to free me of my unhealthy attitudes about food. Sometimes. And other times, I'm drinking Pepsi and eating a handful of Doritos.

My emotions are messy and out of whack. I'm learning to go with it, and pray through it. Embracing the crazy when necessary, and leaning on the strong shoulders of my husband when necessary...pulling myself up by my bootstraps and doing the next thing, when I must.

And that's o.k., too. I don't have to have it all together. God takes me just as I am, and He is able to shape and mold me...to carry me and all my broken pieces...to make something beautiful out of all my ugly.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we could just be.....just be whatever we are meant to be, think, feel....for that moment, and allow God's grace to pour over us where we fall short? Just embrace whatever God is bringing or allowing into our lives for today. Maybe you already have learned to embrace that freedom, to lay it all down at His feet...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have not...but I'm working on it.

Less guilt and more embracing. Less regret over what isn't and more gratefulness over what is.

Yesterday was the fourteenth (heavenly) birthday of our baby girls, Faith and Grace. I wanted to buy pink balloons and do a release like we had done for Thomas' birthday. Since, you know, it has taken me fourteen years to think of such a thing. I even thought about making pink cupcakes to feed to the boys in this house. And myself, of course. (Have I mentioned I never met a cupcake I didn't like?)

We've had a few days of the flu here, which has put a damper on life in general and most of my plans and expectations....like getting SGM shipments to grieving families, balancing the checkbook, paying bills, cleaning the house, etc. I returned to work yesterday, after a day of wallowing in bed to recover. And, the balloons were never ordered. The cupcakes were never baked. I came home from work grumpy and growly over who-knows-what. I grumped and growled at Timothy and scowled at the world for a few minutes before the boys both decided to launch into an all out tease-fest until I relented and laughed, despite myself.

Even when I released the grumpy attitude, I decided I really didn't feel like doing a balloon release. I just wanted to lay on my bed and talk to Tim about life, dream some dreams with him, remember a little, talk to the kids about what life would be like if Faith and Grace and Thomas were here. Yikes, five children living in this tiny house! Laugh some more at their ideas. I just wanted to be. For some reason, imperfect seemed more fitting for yesterday than a pretty balloon release and pink cupcakes. And, that's o.k. Why not? That's who were are, at least for today...and that's what seemed best for the moment. Some random day, I may just do a balloon release...or maybe on another birthday...or maybe not. In heaven, I'm sure that their celebration was perfect. But, here on earth...nothing is.

Thanks to Crystal and Calvin, though, my girls still had cupcakes. Love you, girl!
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In other news...

I found out the reason that I am literally allergic to exercise and break out in excruciating hives and horrible itching whenever I try to run....or....um....walk briskly. It turns out I may have a soul mate in Kristen, even though she doesn't know me at all, and may be a little freaked out by the proclamation that she is my soul mate. Apparently, I am unfit. (In regards to exercise, at least.) I can see that.

During our flu episode, and some random cartoon watching, James and I discovered this strange show where a boy named Jimmy has a neighbor named......Mrs. Gerken! (O.k....you don't hear Gerken on TV shows very often...so this was quite exciting for me!! Plus, I work with children, and hear them calling me Mrs. Gerken all day, so I was thinking they would really get a kick out of the fact that I was now a famous cartoon character...sort of.) Jimmy is scared to go to her house and thinks it's creepy. When she opens the door, we see Mrs. Gerken. And, guess what?

She is a creepy old-lady version of a pickle. More likely spelled Gherkin. Not quite what I expected.
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Our band, One Way, has been working on some Christmas music (with a contemporary flair) in anticipation of the upcoming Christmas Praise Night at church, in addition to the praise and worship songs already on our set list. We have been praying for more opportunities to minister through music, and would love to play at other churches, events, venues. If you are within a couple hours of Northwest Ohio, we would be willing to come your way. All proceeds from our performances support Sufficient Grace Ministries.

I am finishing the last segment of the featured mamas on Walking With You, and currently I'm praying for what to do next on our bereavement site. I'm open to suggestions.

Speaking of suggestions, I'm getting ready to work on my on-going book project a little more. Yes, I'm a spurter. I work in spurts. I've posted a request for your opinions in the Blog Frog Community on the right sidebar. Your input would be greatly appreciated. And your prayers....

Also, I just realized that I said I would pick two winners of a My Forever Child pin on this post from the giveaway extravaganza and only chose one.
So...we will be sending a My Forever Child pin to my bloggy friend, Caroline. 
Hoping to finally get all the shipments out by this weekend. So sorry for the wait!

Well, it turns out this post was kind of messy and all over the place. But, I suppose it fits the theme. Life is messy. Just embrace it, along with the portion of sufficient grace set aside for us each day from our loving Father.