Doing Our Best with the Shot We're Given and Other Musings from the Wee Hours of the Morning

I stood at the counter in the dentist's office this week, attempting to schedule our next appointment. I was thinking out loud about the best time for our oldest son, Timothy, to go for his check-up in August, since he would be back in the thick of golf season by then. I fumbled for a moment and stopped.

The receptionist said, "I know...isn't it a pain to schedule around all these things our kids are involved in?"

I replied, "It isn't that...it's just. This is the last time I will be scheduling a dentist appointment around his golf season. He will be a senior by then...and this will be his last golf season."

I won't lie. I did get a little teary in the middle of the checkout line at the dentist's office. And, the moms who have walked through this season of parenting nodded with understanding and a knowing compassion in their eyes. They get it. They know what it's like to walk around forever with your heart outside of your body...to pour your heart and soul into the loving and training of this person...to learn to love what they love and spend endless hours watching them do what they love, encouraging them to blossom into the person they were created to be....nurturing their gifts...praying endless prayers for them...listening to their dreams...dreaming your own dreams for their lives...and learning to let go of some of those dreams, trading them for new dreams.

Everyone says it goes by in a blink...to cherish the time and soak in every moment. Everyone says it because it is true. When our babies are tiny and filling our arms, we find it hard to believe that there will ever come a day when they will not need us. They spend their formative years under our wings, being shaped and molded, loved and protected. But, it is a fleeting season. And, the seasons that come next can be a surprise. At least they were for me. I wasn't prepared for all the letting go and trusting God that goes on in the parenting of a child.

I was talking to a friend recently about some things her child is struggling with. And, in recent years, I have reflected on this concept with my own children and the children I work with in elementary school.  She mentioned the idea that he is "broken". That is a hard one for us, isn't it? As mothers, we don't ever want something to be broken in our children. We don't want them to struggle, or suffer, or face obstacles to overcome. Life is hard enough.

But, as we talked, and as I've been reflecting in the wee hours of another day that is beginning at around 2:30am....the truth is...

We're all broken.

Everyone is broken in some way. We all face obstacles, struggle with weaknesses, have little quirks. I recently had a conversation with one of the students in our classroom making the comment, "That's not fair" about something with which he was disgruntled. I told him gently and lovingly that in my house, my children were not allowed to say that phrase. "We are all different in our own way. All of us are living our own lives.We are all created unique in our own way, with different abilities and needs, strengths and weaknesses. Life isn't about fair. We do the best we can with what we are given, and do not worry about what someone else is given." (Don't get me wrong. I am compassionate with my kids that life sometimes is a bummer and hard things happen. I just don't want them wallowing in whether or not something is fair...or spending time comparing their own lot in life with someone else. It is a fruitless endeavor.)

My son loves to golf, and he's pretty good at it. He often says that the best place to be mentally on the golf course is not hoping or expecting to hit the perfect shot every time. It's being able to do the best with the shot you're given. Instead of throwing in the towel when you get a bad lie or things don't go your way, or a shot veers off to the left or right, you ask yourself, "O.K., what's the best I can do right now....with this shot...from right where I am." You cannot dwell on the regret that the previous shot didn't work out...and you can't try and make up for it by overcompensating on your next shot. You can only play this shot...the one you are given right now.

In life, we can only do the best with what we are given. Dwelling on the "what-ifs" and "if onlys" does nothing to change our circumstances. And, neither does worrying about the future. What we have learned in our own lives about being broken, is that there is beauty in the brokenness. Some of the most precious gifts of this life come from the broken places. It's easier sometimes, to apply those lessons to ourselves, but not so easy when it comes to our children. We don't want them to have any broken places. But, without some of the brokenness in this life, we would miss some of the most precious beauty.

There are many prayers I've prayed for my children, but there are a few things that stand out as I look into this new season of parenting, feeling all reflective and sentimental. Of course, I pray for them to be godly young men, compassionate and soft hearted as well as strong and sure, and that they would marry godly women. I pray that they will use their gifts and abilities to serve the Lord. But, these three stand out.

Number One....I pray that my boys would love Jesus...that they would know Him intimately as their Savior and Lord. That they would live their lives for Him.

Number Two...I pray that they would honor God with their lives and that they would honor their family, as well.

Number three...I pray that they would be confident in the person each was created to be...comfortable in their own skin...unwavering in their convictions.

We can't make things perfect for our kids. We can't protect them from every injustice and ensure that their lives flow smoothly, free from any obstacles. In fact, quite the opposite. We must prepare our children for the bumps they will inevitably face along their journey through life in this imperfect and quite broken world. We must help them build a sure foundation that will not crumble when the storms of life come rushing in.

And, one more thing that seems important to mention in the wee hours of this morning, after wrestling with my own concerns for my children and my own imperfections as their mother, once more laying it all at the feet of Jesus: Know that you are covered in grace. I'm so grateful that, in the darkness of night, when all my failures seem so glaringly evident, I can simply pray that God would cover my family with His grace. That He would cover the areas where I have fallen short, the things I've neglected, the opportunities I missed, times when I was less than I could have been, or didn't know the best way to do it. He's big enough to cover it all...and more than able.

Plus...He's faithful...even when I'm not.