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I am most of the way through Mary Chapman's book, Choosing to SEE. My heart is so full, I couldn't wait until I was finished to pour out the words and emotions oozing from me this morning.
I'll be honest, I was putting it off. Not sure what I expected. I spend so much of my time immersed in the grief of others, reading the stories of broken-hearted mothers and families trying to live a new normal. Prayers for each of them leave my lips and the weight of each one tugs at my heart. I have learned to balance the heaviness of grief, both my own and others, while still embracing the joy of every breath. Well, most of the time. In truth, I suppose I'm still learning to do that...and covered in much grace as I try.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I expected from this book, but I knew that it would be another story of a broken-hearted mother carried by a loving God, comforted in His arms. I needed some time to prepare for this one.
What I didn't expect was how much of Mary Beth's heart was poured into her telling of the story that God has woven through her amazing life. I didn't expect there to be so much of her shining from the pages . And, I certainly didn't expect her to capture my heart so completely with her spirit. I was there in Columbus when time stopped as she took the Women of Faith stage to tell her story for the first time. I mean this with all do respect. But Mary Beth is not a typical wrapped up in a neat bow, smoothed edges Christian. She is beautiful...don't get me wrong. But, she is probably the most genuine, real person...so real that it is disarming. So honest, and humble. So not a picture of a woman wallowing in grief, and yet still someone that you know battles the struggles of balancing sorrow and joy each day. She is funny and gritty, honest about her imperfections in a way that somehow endears her to us even more.
I laughed through most of this book. And a couple times, I cried. But, when she told the account of what happened on May 21, 2008 in her driveway....the words gut-wrenching and heart-wrenching took on new meaning for me as the two collided in my own body's physical response to her words. The sobs I cried literally wrenched my heart and turned my stomach as I pictured the blow that Satan delivered to this beautiful family on that spring day. I wanted to throw my arms around each of them, and felt as if I were there feeling the devastation with them that day as I read her words. And, the mother part of me wanted to back away...run away...far away from the possibility that any mother would ever be in that moment.
And, then...came hope.
The kind of hope that rises when you are in the midst of the ugliest, most hopeless situation. The kind of raw truth....so bare and real that when it comes in the midst of such incredible devastation that you know it has to be real. You couldn't conjure up that kind of hope when you are so hopeless. Those are the moments we know that God will meet us there. When hope falls from the mouth of a mother who has just held her lifeless child for the last time...and a father who gave his last butterfly kiss. That is the place where eternity lives on this earth. That is where we have to embrace God and know that He is. When it is the darkest and the veil is the thickest....that is when we SEE with the most clarity....our desperate need for Him. And, his complete ability and willingness to meet us anywhere.
I love that Mary Beth seems like the kind of soul that would rather laugh...which is kind of ironic, considering that she has cried many tears in her life as she battles depression and now has walked such intense grief. I love that about her...that she has a spirit that still finds a way to laugh and desires to make others laugh. I love that she finds herself in these crazy Lucille Ball moments (of which I can also relate). I love that she is a beautiful mess. And, I love that it is so easy to see Jesus through her beautiful mess. I wonder if she knows that she and her family have revealed Jesus to so many people in such a tangible, miraculous way. Those seem like just words....inadequate words. I know she would say that she is a mother who would trade all of the lives touched by Maria's passing to hold her little girl again. But, that truth just makes THE truth even more real and beautiful.
Stephen and Mary Beth aren't just giving some pretty Christian words like a band aid to fix everything. They are living this. They are "doing hard", gut-wrenching, toughing it out through this pain....and still clinging to Him for breath everyday. When they say He is the way, because of where they have walked, it is believable....even for the most hardened cynic.
God's timing is always so perfect, and He is creative in the ways He speaks to our hearts. Do you know that there is no place too far, too dark that He cannot reach you? Do you know that He will not give up....He will not stop reaching for you...even when you are not reaching back? Please let those words sink in.
I have not been the person I want to be...for such a long time. I've hidden behind my layers. A couple times, I ventured out...thinking I could climb out out on my own. Saying I would trust God to help me, but not really trusting Him. The layers were no match for me...with all their stinky heaviness. Even as I write this, I just ate a handful of Doritos. I am still a work in progress, but I know who to cling to. I know the Lifter of my Head.
Recently, some wonderful blogger friends attended the Relevant Conference. I so wanted to go, but it just wasn't to be. I couldn't make the time and resources fit into my plan, and figured it must not have been in God's plan for me to go. Instead, I stayed home and had a very revealing conversation with my husband about the way I spend my time and the focus of my heart.
Home was where I needed to be.
Home needed to be the most relevant thing for that moment. God has been speaking to my heart about living the life He's given me to live....even as I balance the reality of sorrow in the lives of others. He has been whispering freedom and joy into my heart in ways that I am trying to learn to embrace. I have been hiding under the various hats I wear and the many layers I cover myself with. My visits with the Lord have been few and far between...other than the prayers I lift for those who are hurting, the mini prayers I throw up on behalf of my family, and the moments He has permeated my heart during worship. My time with Him has not been as intentional...not a daily priority. Not lately. It's hard to run to Him, when you are busy running away.
As I've poured over Mary Beth's book the past couple days, it occurs to me that God can reveal His relevance and make our lives relevant where ever we are. I didn't get to go to the conference and hug the women whom I have laughed with and cried with, prayed with, and been inspired by since I entered this blogging world. I didn't get to go get all encouraged and filled up. Oh, how I longed to go. But, He is filling me right here....stinky, onion layers and all. Right here. Finding me, even as I'm running away. Loving me just as I am...embracing me just as I am...using me, just as I am.
I desperately want to be relevant...and free...full of joy...living this life...embracing every moment...dancing the dance He has meant for me to dance. I want to live the adventure He means for us to live...ready to go every time He says go. Unencumbered by the worldly flesh that holds us back. I want to see all that He has for us...I want to SEE Him in everything.
And, I feel Him whispering....
"Just show up. I'll do the rest."
He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
New Walking With You...and What We Can Say to Comfort a Grieving Mom
There is a new post on the Walking With You blog, featuring this week's mama and also sharing ways to support a grieving mom. Please add your own thoughts and suggestions to the post on the WWY page. I know many of us have been both comforted and harmed by the words of others. We'd love to have your thoughts and suggestions.
Blessings...
Supporting a Grieving Mother...What You Can Do...and This Week's Featured Blogger
I'd like to do something a little different with this Walking With You. There is still a featured blogger listed at the bottom of this post. But, first...some helpful information for someone seeking to offer comfort to a friend or loved one who has lost a child. Please add your own suggestions to the comments of this post. We all know that it is not easy to offer comfort in a situation where there seems to be nothing to say or do to ease the pain.
Supporting a Grieving Mother
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
It is often very difficult to know how to minister to the needs of a grieving mother who has lost her child. There are no magic words to take away the pain of such a loss, and many find it overwhelming just to look into the face of such suffering. Here are a few suggestions from a mother who has walked this path more than once.
1. Don’t allow the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing keep you from reaching out in love. There are no perfect words. A simple “I’m sorry” and a hug can go a long way.
2. Acknowledge the baby. Refer to the child by name. It is often a blessing to a grieving heart to hear her child’s name spoken. Do not think that talking about him/her will bring the mother more pain. The memory of her baby is always on her mind. Sharing can be a comfort. Be willing to listen. She may need to tell her story over and over again.
3. Those who are grieving are not always able to ask for help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” just do something for the mother and her family. Be available, but also be willing to give space when needed. Bring a meal. Offer to watch the other children for awhile. Come over and sit with her, offering a listening ear.
4. Realize that your friend has been forever changed by the loss of her baby. Don’t expect her to be exactly the same. And please realize that grief has its own time table. Allow her the time she needs, and remain supportive. Everyone grieves differently. Don’t judge her choices or her “performance”. She may not react the same way that you think you would.
5. Avoid clichés such as “You can have more children” or “This was God’s will”. Even words meant to comfort can actually sting a grieving heart like salt poured into an open wound.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
I will be posting a link to this post on our resource page, so that others who visit may find some wisdom from those who have walked this path. Please add your thoughts to the comments.
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Please also take a couple minutes this week to show some love to Purple Moose, mommy to Shelomith, "born straight into the arms of the LORD ~ October 4, 2009". She is currently expecting her rainbow baby, and could use our love and prayers.
Supporting a Grieving Mother
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
It is often very difficult to know how to minister to the needs of a grieving mother who has lost her child. There are no magic words to take away the pain of such a loss, and many find it overwhelming just to look into the face of such suffering. Here are a few suggestions from a mother who has walked this path more than once.
1. Don’t allow the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing keep you from reaching out in love. There are no perfect words. A simple “I’m sorry” and a hug can go a long way.
2. Acknowledge the baby. Refer to the child by name. It is often a blessing to a grieving heart to hear her child’s name spoken. Do not think that talking about him/her will bring the mother more pain. The memory of her baby is always on her mind. Sharing can be a comfort. Be willing to listen. She may need to tell her story over and over again.
3. Those who are grieving are not always able to ask for help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” just do something for the mother and her family. Be available, but also be willing to give space when needed. Bring a meal. Offer to watch the other children for awhile. Come over and sit with her, offering a listening ear.
4. Realize that your friend has been forever changed by the loss of her baby. Don’t expect her to be exactly the same. And please realize that grief has its own time table. Allow her the time she needs, and remain supportive. Everyone grieves differently. Don’t judge her choices or her “performance”. She may not react the same way that you think you would.
5. Avoid clichés such as “You can have more children” or “This was God’s will”. Even words meant to comfort can actually sting a grieving heart like salt poured into an open wound.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
I will be posting a link to this post on our resource page, so that others who visit may find some wisdom from those who have walked this path. Please add your thoughts to the comments.
-----------------------
Please also take a couple minutes this week to show some love to Purple Moose, mommy to Shelomith, "born straight into the arms of the LORD ~ October 4, 2009". She is currently expecting her rainbow baby, and could use our love and prayers.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Woman Feelings
God made us lovely and soft, gentle, nurturing, with hearts of compassion, the gift of empathy, the ability to juggle several tasks, with spirits of resiliency, and maybe a hint of nesting.
We are women...and He made us to worship Him in spirit and in truth, to be a help mate to our husbands, a mother to our children, the keepers of our home, to serve as loyal friends, to reach out in love and compassion to those around us. The woman in Proverbs 31 is a beautiful example of God's desire for the life of a woman and a testament to her abilities.
Like all things in this imperfect, fallen world we are living in, however, the gentle heart of compassion and other woman feelings can be used as a stumbling block or even a tool of destruction in our lives. I'll admit, I'm one of those women with a whole lot of feelings. I think it comes from having a soft heart, and it can be a great gift. In fact, I'll go so far as to say, that I believe women should embrace their feelings and go with it a lot of the time. If you cry with someone who is hurting....you are being an example of one who "weeps with those who weep". If you love to laugh and have a heart full of joy, then you are "rejoicing with those who rejoice". If you are passionate, there are so many wonderful, biblical truths where that passion could be channeled. It is good to stand in the gap, passionately praying for your family, fighting for your family, standing for what is right and good. I am sort of the Tazmanian devil of woman feelings....I laugh, cry, feel passionate, and a whole lot of other things. It can be a blessing...and it can be a curse. I'm all about embracing the emotions....all of them. But, it's important that we women keep those emotions in check, rather than allowing them to rule over us.
Let's face it...those same wonderful feelings, can also be used for great harm. When we are driven by feelings alone, there is a potential for misunderstanding, stealing of joy, and hurtfulness...for us and for those we love. The same emotions God meant to be used for loveliness can cause us to sulk and dwell on our hurt feelings, to read way too much into the words or intentions of another, to react with protective rage when our loved ones are "attacked", to release our mama-bear claws...leaving behind all reason, to shout at our husbands and children over things that are so not shout-worthy, to cry over things that don't really deserve our tears, to make rash decisions not based on wisdom...using anything but a sound mind.
And, once a month....
Before I even begin talking about this, I just want to ask you to keep your claws in. I know that mentioning hormones makes many women feel defensive. But, can we be honest with ourselves...and admit that it's a battle for many of us....a battle we face once a month? If you're anything like me, it's a battle that most of the time takes me by surprise. I wanted to talk about this, because it's actually been an increasing struggle for me. I like to think that I can handle things, and that I can pray about those things that I can't handle. (Which is incidentally an incorrect assumption....because I really need the Lord for every jot and tittle of life....and shouldn't assume I can handle anything on my own. So, perhaps you shouldn't listen to me at all!)
Biblically-speaking, we should cast all of our cares unto the Lord. In that respect, it seems that even our battle with emotions and hormones should be taken to Him in prayer. I do that. And, sometimes....I still battle. Then...I struggle, wondering why this issue is not under control. I expect myself to be able to exercise self control, but then I wonder. Sometimes knowing what should be done doesn't mean it's easy to do it.
Once a month, I have a week that includes unexplained, powerful, and seemingly justifiable woman rage, followed by an ocean of equally powerful and seemingly justifiable tears and waves of strong emotion. I imagine that you dislike the hormonal labels, excuses, and innuendo about monthly hormones as much as I do. No woman wants to have every idea or feeling she has dismissed as a hormonally-charged whim. But, if I am honest with myself, there is sometimes a surge of emotion that drives a reaction that does not match the situation. I hate to admit that I struggle on occasion to keep those feelings in check. Before I realize what's happening, I could bark orders to my children, lose patience, raise my voice, or collapse into a puddle of tears over something not worth such a strong reaction.
I do not love that about being a woman. It is humbling and frustrating, terribly inconvenient and unpleasant for all involved. Strangely, for me, recognition does seem to help and often even diffuses the tumultuous storm of emotion. You would think that I would realize what is happening, given the fact that it comes on a schedule. But, more often than not, I am taken by surprise....swept into the wave of emotion...and convinced that I really am this angry that......fill in the blank. Or, I really am this upset. Emotions that strong can be paralyzing. Much the same as men battle...well, the things men battle...hormones and emotion truly ARE valid battles for women. When I step back for a moment, or when someone I love gently reminds me to step back, clarity seeps in to my emotion-driven-temporary-insanity and I realize that I am not that upset at whatever has transpired. My battle is within.
Lest you picture this crazy woman running loose, making decisions based on emotion, here are a couple truths. I have these emotions, but I don't dwell in a place where they are allowed to rule me. I stumble, and once a month I may even succumb before I realize what's behind an unreasonable reaction from me. If you are not someone very close to me...such as my husband, children, or a couple close friends...you would never know that I am struggling. God has blessed me with a husband who is patient, firm, wise, and reasonable. He keeps life light when it gets too heavy, and knows how to gently remind me to keep things in perspective. He knows me well, which is why I suppose, he sticks around. He knows the storms come and go. He knows, even in my moments of ugly, that I will be lovely again.
I'm grateful for all the grace...and continue to pray as I muddle through. I have a feeling this battle is shared by others, and would love to pray for you, too. Feel free to share what is on your heart about this subject we ladies struggle with, but rarely discuss.
We are women...and He made us to worship Him in spirit and in truth, to be a help mate to our husbands, a mother to our children, the keepers of our home, to serve as loyal friends, to reach out in love and compassion to those around us. The woman in Proverbs 31 is a beautiful example of God's desire for the life of a woman and a testament to her abilities.
Like all things in this imperfect, fallen world we are living in, however, the gentle heart of compassion and other woman feelings can be used as a stumbling block or even a tool of destruction in our lives. I'll admit, I'm one of those women with a whole lot of feelings. I think it comes from having a soft heart, and it can be a great gift. In fact, I'll go so far as to say, that I believe women should embrace their feelings and go with it a lot of the time. If you cry with someone who is hurting....you are being an example of one who "weeps with those who weep". If you love to laugh and have a heart full of joy, then you are "rejoicing with those who rejoice". If you are passionate, there are so many wonderful, biblical truths where that passion could be channeled. It is good to stand in the gap, passionately praying for your family, fighting for your family, standing for what is right and good. I am sort of the Tazmanian devil of woman feelings....I laugh, cry, feel passionate, and a whole lot of other things. It can be a blessing...and it can be a curse. I'm all about embracing the emotions....all of them. But, it's important that we women keep those emotions in check, rather than allowing them to rule over us.
Let's face it...those same wonderful feelings, can also be used for great harm. When we are driven by feelings alone, there is a potential for misunderstanding, stealing of joy, and hurtfulness...for us and for those we love. The same emotions God meant to be used for loveliness can cause us to sulk and dwell on our hurt feelings, to read way too much into the words or intentions of another, to react with protective rage when our loved ones are "attacked", to release our mama-bear claws...leaving behind all reason, to shout at our husbands and children over things that are so not shout-worthy, to cry over things that don't really deserve our tears, to make rash decisions not based on wisdom...using anything but a sound mind.
And, once a month....
Before I even begin talking about this, I just want to ask you to keep your claws in. I know that mentioning hormones makes many women feel defensive. But, can we be honest with ourselves...and admit that it's a battle for many of us....a battle we face once a month? If you're anything like me, it's a battle that most of the time takes me by surprise. I wanted to talk about this, because it's actually been an increasing struggle for me. I like to think that I can handle things, and that I can pray about those things that I can't handle. (Which is incidentally an incorrect assumption....because I really need the Lord for every jot and tittle of life....and shouldn't assume I can handle anything on my own. So, perhaps you shouldn't listen to me at all!)
Biblically-speaking, we should cast all of our cares unto the Lord. In that respect, it seems that even our battle with emotions and hormones should be taken to Him in prayer. I do that. And, sometimes....I still battle. Then...I struggle, wondering why this issue is not under control. I expect myself to be able to exercise self control, but then I wonder. Sometimes knowing what should be done doesn't mean it's easy to do it.
Once a month, I have a week that includes unexplained, powerful, and seemingly justifiable woman rage, followed by an ocean of equally powerful and seemingly justifiable tears and waves of strong emotion. I imagine that you dislike the hormonal labels, excuses, and innuendo about monthly hormones as much as I do. No woman wants to have every idea or feeling she has dismissed as a hormonally-charged whim. But, if I am honest with myself, there is sometimes a surge of emotion that drives a reaction that does not match the situation. I hate to admit that I struggle on occasion to keep those feelings in check. Before I realize what's happening, I could bark orders to my children, lose patience, raise my voice, or collapse into a puddle of tears over something not worth such a strong reaction.
I do not love that about being a woman. It is humbling and frustrating, terribly inconvenient and unpleasant for all involved. Strangely, for me, recognition does seem to help and often even diffuses the tumultuous storm of emotion. You would think that I would realize what is happening, given the fact that it comes on a schedule. But, more often than not, I am taken by surprise....swept into the wave of emotion...and convinced that I really am this angry that......fill in the blank. Or, I really am this upset. Emotions that strong can be paralyzing. Much the same as men battle...well, the things men battle...hormones and emotion truly ARE valid battles for women. When I step back for a moment, or when someone I love gently reminds me to step back, clarity seeps in to my emotion-driven-temporary-insanity and I realize that I am not that upset at whatever has transpired. My battle is within.
Lest you picture this crazy woman running loose, making decisions based on emotion, here are a couple truths. I have these emotions, but I don't dwell in a place where they are allowed to rule me. I stumble, and once a month I may even succumb before I realize what's behind an unreasonable reaction from me. If you are not someone very close to me...such as my husband, children, or a couple close friends...you would never know that I am struggling. God has blessed me with a husband who is patient, firm, wise, and reasonable. He keeps life light when it gets too heavy, and knows how to gently remind me to keep things in perspective. He knows me well, which is why I suppose, he sticks around. He knows the storms come and go. He knows, even in my moments of ugly, that I will be lovely again.
I'm grateful for all the grace...and continue to pray as I muddle through. I have a feeling this battle is shared by others, and would love to pray for you, too. Feel free to share what is on your heart about this subject we ladies struggle with, but rarely discuss.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
October Winners Announced for All of This Week's Giveaways!
Congratulations to all the winners of this week's Remembrance giveaways! Could you please email me your address if you have not already done so that I can ship your items this week? Thank you and God bless!
Memorial Pin Giveaway:
The Blue Ribbon goes to Tucker's mommy, Lizy...
The Pink Ribbon goes to Olivia's mommy, Cynthia...
The White Ribbon goes to Mommy Ivy...
(Still waiting to hear from Mommy Ivy and Lizy!)
Winner of the Mommy Please Don't Cry book:Virginia's Mommy
My Forever Child Giveaway (84 comments whoo-hoo!):
Memorial Footprints Pin: Karen
Suncatcher: Desiree
$50 Gift Certificate: Mary
Choosing to SEE giveaway:
Sarita
Audrey's Little Light Candle:
Dan and Nancy Vollmer
Thank you to those of you who shared your baby's name and family information on our October 15th Remembrance page. I created a special page of it's own for those who wish to add names throughout the year. There is a link on the sidebar.
Love to all...
Memorial Pin Giveaway:
The Blue Ribbon goes to Tucker's mommy, Lizy...
The Pink Ribbon goes to Olivia's mommy, Cynthia...
The White Ribbon goes to Mommy Ivy...
(Still waiting to hear from Mommy Ivy and Lizy!)
Winner of the Mommy Please Don't Cry book:Virginia's Mommy
My Forever Child Giveaway (84 comments whoo-hoo!):
Memorial Footprints Pin: Karen
Suncatcher: Desiree
$50 Gift Certificate: Mary
Choosing to SEE giveaway:
Sarita
Audrey's Little Light Candle:
Dan and Nancy Vollmer
Thank you to those of you who shared your baby's name and family information on our October 15th Remembrance page. I created a special page of it's own for those who wish to add names throughout the year. There is a link on the sidebar.
Love to all...
This Little Light of Mine...
Last night, as I sat beside my three-wicked candle, I inhaled the scent of autumn apple cider...as I remembered my babies...along with many of yours. The candle flickered, and I prayed for each family, reading all 156 names on the list. Names of precious, loved, dreamed of, and longed for children. With each name, my heart ached as only the heart of a mother who knows the ache of one who longs for her sweet baby can.
I hope you don't mind, that in light of the importance of remembering, I thought it was more pressing to focus on each precious life. So, I postponed Friday's giveaway.
But, here we are...with this week's final giveaway...and later today, we will announce all of this week's winners. So, to participate in today's giveaway, act fast!
Today's giveaway is a customized memorial scrapbook candle made by Michelle from Audrey's Little Light! Enter now by leaving a comment on this post. Get an extra entry by leaving a comment on the Audrey's Little Light blog!
2 Samuel 22:29
You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Praying for each of us...that we would always look to the Lord to be the light in the darkness...and that we would choose everyday to shine for Him.
Love to all...
I hope you don't mind, that in light of the importance of remembering, I thought it was more pressing to focus on each precious life. So, I postponed Friday's giveaway.
But, here we are...with this week's final giveaway...and later today, we will announce all of this week's winners. So, to participate in today's giveaway, act fast!
Today's giveaway is a customized memorial scrapbook candle made by Michelle from Audrey's Little Light! Enter now by leaving a comment on this post. Get an extra entry by leaving a comment on the Audrey's Little Light blog!
2 Samuel 22:29
You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Praying for each of us...that we would always look to the Lord to be the light in the darkness...and that we would choose everyday to shine for Him.
Love to all...
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Drive
Giveaway has now closed. Winners have been announced. You may still leave a comment, but it will not count toward the giveaway. Thank you! =)
Tuesday evening, I took a drive.
Not just any drive...the drive.
I've been meaning to take that drive for a couple years, considering the idea of soaking in every whisper of the memories from four years ago when I drove that path many times from home to you.
It's the road that takes me to the place where you took your last breath on this earth. This week, before the anniversary of your passing, boasts all of the beauty of Earth's splendor...nature's last hoorah before the dark cold winter...God's artwork. And in a way, maybe only to me, a send-off celebration...a beautiful goodbye to you. That's what it felt like when I drove that path over and over again four years ago. The glorious celebration of color, such a contrast to the darkness of death's sting surrounding you.
I didn't miss the contrast then. And, I didn't miss it on Tuesday's drive.
As I approached the turn, I let my eyes wander to the house that always let me know the turn was approaching. It looked like a peaceful place to live, I thought. I remembered how I noticed it one last time four years ago, the dark night I drove home telling people the news that your battle was over, and you had gone home.
As I made the turn, I felt the weight in my chest and the catch in my breath. I opened the sunroof, so that I could allow every nuance of this drive to soak itself into my senses. I wanted to breathe it all in, deeply. I didn't fight the memories...the flashes. I let them wash over me, as I gazed at the magnificent beauty before me.
The name of a housing development...The Sanctuary did not go unnoticed. I turned up Jim Croche's "I've Got a Name" and drove on with a smile. Feeling entangled and free all at the same time. Letting the weeping and rejoicing dance their dances over and through me, I lived each memory of laughing with you and crying with you...fighting with you, hurting with you. I smiled as I thought of your spirit...how every time we drive on a hilly road, I accelerate at just the right point so that we can fully experience one of life's great gifts...the "belly getter" just like you used to. My kids love it as much as I always did. As I parent a teenager, I am acutely aware of all the time I spent fighting the wrong fight for the wrong reasons. And, all the fighting I watched you do most of your life, even in the end. I thought of how you sopped up every inch of joy in every moment life offered you...even making us laugh as your body failed. Your spirit never did.
I looked up through the sunroof as I drove through what could only be described as a tunnel of autumn splendor. The leaves surrounded me forming their own blanket, a sanctuary, if you will. I drove on...to the place where I last heard your voice.
I turned into the driveway and the memories pushed their way into my psyche with such force, they ran into and overlapped each other in their efforts to be remembered. I remembered all at once the day we brought you here...the day I collapsed in exhausted delirium, the day I returned after a rest, and the day I left after four weeks of watching you suffer more than I thought was humanly possible.
I entered the building to use the restroom, walking past two women, who were there to visit a loved one, waiting in this place where people go to die. The door was locked and a hospice nurse approached me to lead me to another restroom. She led me down your hallway, past the chairs where we contemplated decisions, conditions, breathing patterns, and what to eat for dinner. Past your room, where we slept and listened to my brother's stories and the rhythm of your breathing. The memories coming at such rapid fire speed, I staggered into the bathroom and felt the eruption of emotion...wondering for a moment why I made this drive. I let the emotion come, and made my way outside to the beautiful ponds and the serene path I walked so many times.
I remember walking this path to let out my anger, to cry, to pray, to refuel, to look at something beautiful and alive for a few minutes. I walked it with my kids, walked it while pushing your big hospice bed around the bricks and listening to your snarky humor as you tried to keep my huge sunglasses on your face. I watched James feed the ducks and marvelled at how intertwined beginnings and endings are as life and death weave their way through our days. I remember reading each brick, the names of those who have gone before us...feeling somehow less alone and realizing once more the precious gift of life each of us is given.
As I opened the doors that led to the path of serenity, I heard a group of ladies in the lobby begin to sing what might have been a hymn. The emotions were swarming my senses with such fury, I'm not sure. Suddenly, the doors closed behind me and all I could hear was the sound of the fountains.
Oh, Lord...will you meet me here again? I felt my feet hit the bricks. My eyes scanned the names through the tears. The cool air filling my nostrils and breathing deep into my lungs. I crossed the bridge to a little clearing with a bench. I sat down and soaked it all in for a moment as the peace settled over me like a soothing balm. The fountains sprinkled, the crickets chirped, and I began to read scripture aloud, letting the words join the melody of peace soothing my weary soul. As if the Lord whispered through His comforting words of peace and truth..."I've got her, I've got you. I am here." I prayed a little, wept a little, and let the Lord hold me a little in the place where you breathed your last breath on this earth. Then I stopped to read one last brick, leaning down to wipe my hands over the name of a treasured life...a beautiful soul that once walked this earth and now brightens heaven with her exuberance.
As I got into the car to drive home, I saw an ambulance bringing someone in. I sighed with a heavy heart, and left the place where people go to die. On the way home, I talked with my "in real life" Lynette and she mentioned a story someone shared where the hospice wing was referred to as the "birthing rooms". Perhaps in light of that, it would be better to say it is a place where people go to live...eternally that is.
------------------------------
If you are new to this site, this post is about my sweet mom who passed away four years ago on October 20th after a very difficult battle with cancer. She was just fifty years old. I miss her dearly...
----------------
Giveaway is closed....winner has been announced!
I know this is a long post...and if you're still hanging in, I'd love to share today's giveaway with you. We are offering a free copy of Mary Beth Chapman's book, Choosing to SEE, to one commenter on this post. Anyone can enter and leave a comment. You do not have to be a grieving parent (as is the focus of the rest of the giveaways this week...which you may also wish to check out!) No matter what we are facing in this life, it is always good to choose to SEE the Lord working through it all.
Blessings...
Tuesday evening, I took a drive.
Not just any drive...the drive.
I've been meaning to take that drive for a couple years, considering the idea of soaking in every whisper of the memories from four years ago when I drove that path many times from home to you.
It's the road that takes me to the place where you took your last breath on this earth. This week, before the anniversary of your passing, boasts all of the beauty of Earth's splendor...nature's last hoorah before the dark cold winter...God's artwork. And in a way, maybe only to me, a send-off celebration...a beautiful goodbye to you. That's what it felt like when I drove that path over and over again four years ago. The glorious celebration of color, such a contrast to the darkness of death's sting surrounding you.
I didn't miss the contrast then. And, I didn't miss it on Tuesday's drive.
As I approached the turn, I let my eyes wander to the house that always let me know the turn was approaching. It looked like a peaceful place to live, I thought. I remembered how I noticed it one last time four years ago, the dark night I drove home telling people the news that your battle was over, and you had gone home.
As I made the turn, I felt the weight in my chest and the catch in my breath. I opened the sunroof, so that I could allow every nuance of this drive to soak itself into my senses. I wanted to breathe it all in, deeply. I didn't fight the memories...the flashes. I let them wash over me, as I gazed at the magnificent beauty before me.
The name of a housing development...The Sanctuary did not go unnoticed. I turned up Jim Croche's "I've Got a Name" and drove on with a smile. Feeling entangled and free all at the same time. Letting the weeping and rejoicing dance their dances over and through me, I lived each memory of laughing with you and crying with you...fighting with you, hurting with you. I smiled as I thought of your spirit...how every time we drive on a hilly road, I accelerate at just the right point so that we can fully experience one of life's great gifts...the "belly getter" just like you used to. My kids love it as much as I always did. As I parent a teenager, I am acutely aware of all the time I spent fighting the wrong fight for the wrong reasons. And, all the fighting I watched you do most of your life, even in the end. I thought of how you sopped up every inch of joy in every moment life offered you...even making us laugh as your body failed. Your spirit never did.
I looked up through the sunroof as I drove through what could only be described as a tunnel of autumn splendor. The leaves surrounded me forming their own blanket, a sanctuary, if you will. I drove on...to the place where I last heard your voice.
I turned into the driveway and the memories pushed their way into my psyche with such force, they ran into and overlapped each other in their efforts to be remembered. I remembered all at once the day we brought you here...the day I collapsed in exhausted delirium, the day I returned after a rest, and the day I left after four weeks of watching you suffer more than I thought was humanly possible.
I entered the building to use the restroom, walking past two women, who were there to visit a loved one, waiting in this place where people go to die. The door was locked and a hospice nurse approached me to lead me to another restroom. She led me down your hallway, past the chairs where we contemplated decisions, conditions, breathing patterns, and what to eat for dinner. Past your room, where we slept and listened to my brother's stories and the rhythm of your breathing. The memories coming at such rapid fire speed, I staggered into the bathroom and felt the eruption of emotion...wondering for a moment why I made this drive. I let the emotion come, and made my way outside to the beautiful ponds and the serene path I walked so many times.
I remember walking this path to let out my anger, to cry, to pray, to refuel, to look at something beautiful and alive for a few minutes. I walked it with my kids, walked it while pushing your big hospice bed around the bricks and listening to your snarky humor as you tried to keep my huge sunglasses on your face. I watched James feed the ducks and marvelled at how intertwined beginnings and endings are as life and death weave their way through our days. I remember reading each brick, the names of those who have gone before us...feeling somehow less alone and realizing once more the precious gift of life each of us is given.
As I opened the doors that led to the path of serenity, I heard a group of ladies in the lobby begin to sing what might have been a hymn. The emotions were swarming my senses with such fury, I'm not sure. Suddenly, the doors closed behind me and all I could hear was the sound of the fountains.
Oh, Lord...will you meet me here again? I felt my feet hit the bricks. My eyes scanned the names through the tears. The cool air filling my nostrils and breathing deep into my lungs. I crossed the bridge to a little clearing with a bench. I sat down and soaked it all in for a moment as the peace settled over me like a soothing balm. The fountains sprinkled, the crickets chirped, and I began to read scripture aloud, letting the words join the melody of peace soothing my weary soul. As if the Lord whispered through His comforting words of peace and truth..."I've got her, I've got you. I am here." I prayed a little, wept a little, and let the Lord hold me a little in the place where you breathed your last breath on this earth. Then I stopped to read one last brick, leaning down to wipe my hands over the name of a treasured life...a beautiful soul that once walked this earth and now brightens heaven with her exuberance.
As I got into the car to drive home, I saw an ambulance bringing someone in. I sighed with a heavy heart, and left the place where people go to die. On the way home, I talked with my "in real life" Lynette and she mentioned a story someone shared where the hospice wing was referred to as the "birthing rooms". Perhaps in light of that, it would be better to say it is a place where people go to live...eternally that is.
------------------------------
If you are new to this site, this post is about my sweet mom who passed away four years ago on October 20th after a very difficult battle with cancer. She was just fifty years old. I miss her dearly...
----------------
Giveaway is closed....winner has been announced!
I know this is a long post...and if you're still hanging in, I'd love to share today's giveaway with you. We are offering a free copy of Mary Beth Chapman's book, Choosing to SEE, to one commenter on this post. Anyone can enter and leave a comment. You do not have to be a grieving parent (as is the focus of the rest of the giveaways this week...which you may also wish to check out!) No matter what we are facing in this life, it is always good to choose to SEE the Lord working through it all.
Blessings...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
HUGE My Forever Child Giveaway!!
I was perusing the My Forever Child site, looking for something that would be a blessing to a mama who is missing her sweet baby. I found so many things...
Like this beautiful suncatcher...which we are giving away to one commenter on this post.
And these Forever in my Heart pins...which we are giving away to two commenters on this post...
And, then I thought that maybe it would be nice if you could choose something else that you loved, something that was special and unique. Just for you. In memory of your sweet baby.
So...I added a $50 gift certificate to my order.
Yes ma'am. One of you will be blessed with a $50 gift certificate to be used toward any beautiful item on the My Forever Child site! There are so many beautiful items, made with love, that it's hard to choose just one!
What do you have to do to enter, you ask?
Leave a comment on this post...
Get additional entries for:
Announcing this contest on facebook or twitter and linking to this post...
Writing a post on your own blog...
If you are a follower of this blog...
(If you do any of the above, please leave an additional comment for each one that you have done so that I can count it in with the totals.)
Also, if you haven't added your baby's name and family info. to our October 15th Remembrance page, please do so here.
And, if you would like to enter to win the book, Mommy Please Don't Cry, please click on this post.
Have a Blessed Day!!
P.S. Winners will be announced Friday...and more giveaways will be coming in the next couple days...so stay tuned, and tell your friends!
Like this beautiful suncatcher...which we are giving away to one commenter on this post.
And these Forever in my Heart pins...which we are giving away to two commenters on this post...
And, then I thought that maybe it would be nice if you could choose something else that you loved, something that was special and unique. Just for you. In memory of your sweet baby.
So...I added a $50 gift certificate to my order.
Yes ma'am. One of you will be blessed with a $50 gift certificate to be used toward any beautiful item on the My Forever Child site! There are so many beautiful items, made with love, that it's hard to choose just one!
What do you have to do to enter, you ask?
Leave a comment on this post...
Get additional entries for:
Announcing this contest on facebook or twitter and linking to this post...
Writing a post on your own blog...
If you are a follower of this blog...
(If you do any of the above, please leave an additional comment for each one that you have done so that I can count it in with the totals.)
Also, if you haven't added your baby's name and family info. to our October 15th Remembrance page, please do so here.
And, if you would like to enter to win the book, Mommy Please Don't Cry, please click on this post.
Have a Blessed Day!!
P.S. Winners will be announced Friday...and more giveaways will be coming in the next couple days...so stay tuned, and tell your friends!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Winners Announced and Another Giveaway (One of my Favorite Books)
O.K...time to announce the winners of the Memorial Pin Giveaway.
The Blue Ribbon goes to Tucker's mommy, Lizy...
The Pink Ribbon goes to Olivia's mommy, Cynthia...
The White Ribbon goes to Mommy Ivy...
Congratulations! Please email me your addresses ASAP so that I can ship your pins tomorrow. I want to make sure that you receive them by Friday!
I wish we had enough to give everyone one of Franchesca's gorgeous flourishes. But, we do have something else we'd love to give to a sweet mom missing her baby.
One of my favorite books was given to us by my aunt Kelly, after we said good-bye to our sweet Thomas Patrick. It's called: Mommy Please Don't Cry. I love it so much, because it is told from the perspective of a child who has gone home to heaven. I love to think of my babies in heaven. Focusing on heaven's glory and all the joy they are experiencing gives me strength and hope as I still dream of and long for my sweet little ones. I pray this book, and the hope of heaven will bring you comfort as well.
To enter, please leave a comment sharing what brings you comfort as you think of your sweet baby in heaven. What do you think he/she is enjoying as he/she spends time in the glory of heaven?
I love to think of Faith and Grace and Thomas (If he's willing to have tea party...Or maybe he's off playing ball!) having tea parties in heaven with Grandma Kathy. I love to think of them running in a meadow with their long brown hair, filled with ribbons...laughing deep belly giggles. Thomas is playing and laughing, too...but in an all boy way, of course! I love to think of them in the arms of Jesus...full of love and joy, hope, peace, and comfort. Surrounded by goodness! Oh, what joy it will be when I can hold them once more and never say good-bye again!
Comments will stay opened on this and all the rest of the giveaway posts this week. We will announce the rest of the winners on Friday. Also, if you have not added your baby's name and family information to our Remembrance Page, please do so. We would love to include you on our list, and in our prayers.
The Blue Ribbon goes to Tucker's mommy, Lizy...
The Pink Ribbon goes to Olivia's mommy, Cynthia...
The White Ribbon goes to Mommy Ivy...
Congratulations! Please email me your addresses ASAP so that I can ship your pins tomorrow. I want to make sure that you receive them by Friday!
I wish we had enough to give everyone one of Franchesca's gorgeous flourishes. But, we do have something else we'd love to give to a sweet mom missing her baby.
One of my favorite books was given to us by my aunt Kelly, after we said good-bye to our sweet Thomas Patrick. It's called: Mommy Please Don't Cry. I love it so much, because it is told from the perspective of a child who has gone home to heaven. I love to think of my babies in heaven. Focusing on heaven's glory and all the joy they are experiencing gives me strength and hope as I still dream of and long for my sweet little ones. I pray this book, and the hope of heaven will bring you comfort as well.
To enter, please leave a comment sharing what brings you comfort as you think of your sweet baby in heaven. What do you think he/she is enjoying as he/she spends time in the glory of heaven?
I love to think of Faith and Grace and Thomas (If he's willing to have tea party...Or maybe he's off playing ball!) having tea parties in heaven with Grandma Kathy. I love to think of them running in a meadow with their long brown hair, filled with ribbons...laughing deep belly giggles. Thomas is playing and laughing, too...but in an all boy way, of course! I love to think of them in the arms of Jesus...full of love and joy, hope, peace, and comfort. Surrounded by goodness! Oh, what joy it will be when I can hold them once more and never say good-bye again!
Comments will stay opened on this and all the rest of the giveaway posts this week. We will announce the rest of the winners on Friday. Also, if you have not added your baby's name and family information to our Remembrance Page, please do so. We would love to include you on our list, and in our prayers.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Remember With Us ~ October 15th
There will not be a featured blog this week on Walking With You. Instead, we will be focusing on some activities to commemorate all families who have experienced the loss of a baby or child, as we recognize and take time time to remember on October 15th. Please click on October 15th Rememberance Page information post to join us in remembering these precious babies and families. We hope you will also add your family to the list. Also...there is a special giveaway on that page you may want to see. Have a lovely week and God bless each of you...
Remember With Us ~ October 15th (Giveaway - Winners Announced)
*Memorial Pin Giveaway has ended, but we encourage you to still add your baby's name and family information on our Remembrance Page list if you have not already done so. Continue reading for more information...
I'm a little late getting this information up and running, so hopefully everyone sees it in time.
Last year on October 15th, we honored and prayed for many families who lost a baby or child. And, I would like to do it again this year. I hope you will join us. Here is an excerpt from last year's post:
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I have met so many beautiful families through Walking With You, this blog, and through Sufficient Grace Ministries. Your stories have touched my heart, and I want to remember each one of your precious babies. Every life is precious in the eyes of the Lord. Every life has value and purpose. While I have prayed for everyone who has crossed my path, it would be nice to have a list to pray for all in one place...with names and birth dates (and heavenly home-going dates). I thought it would be special for us to compile a list of our precious babies and post it here on October 15th. So, if you are a mother who has lost a baby/child and would like to include your family on our list, please leave your information in the comments below or email it to me at sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com. If your information is on last year's list, please note I will be including those previously listed and just adding any new names and re-posting the list.
Even if we've never met (in real life or blog land!), you are welcome to participate. We want to remember all of the precious babies and their families. On that special day, I will post the list here and pray throughout the day for each of you...as we remember together. If you would like to help us spread the word on your blog so that we could include more families, please feel free! If you would like to include your child on the October 15th memory page, please leave the following in the comments below (on this post):
Child's Name
Parents Name
Birth Date
Entered Heaven:
Any message you may wish to share...or bible verse that brings you comfort
------------------
Giveaway is now Closed...Winners Announced in new post...You may still comment to add your family to the Remembrance Page...
And, as an added blessing, we have purchased a few beautiful Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness pins made by the talented and lovely Franchesca, to giveaway to three of you. I will be announcing the winners on Monday evening, in order to mail them on Tuesday (to insure they are received by Oct. 15th). To enter the giveaway, please leave a separate comment from your "baby name" entry and let us know if you would like to be entered to win the blue flower (for a boy), a pink flower (for a girl), or an off-white colored flower (gender neutral). Visit Franchesca's With Love site to view.
Also...if you are a grieving parent, and new to our site, please visit the Dreams of You Shop. If you would like a Dreams of You Memory Book or Comfort Bear, please email the shipping address listed on that page. We do not charge parents for our products or services. It is our desire and prayer to offer comfort and hope to every family who crosses our path.
More giveaways to come...so please stay tuned! Love and grace to all...
I'm a little late getting this information up and running, so hopefully everyone sees it in time.
Last year on October 15th, we honored and prayed for many families who lost a baby or child. And, I would like to do it again this year. I hope you will join us. Here is an excerpt from last year's post:
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I have met so many beautiful families through Walking With You, this blog, and through Sufficient Grace Ministries. Your stories have touched my heart, and I want to remember each one of your precious babies. Every life is precious in the eyes of the Lord. Every life has value and purpose. While I have prayed for everyone who has crossed my path, it would be nice to have a list to pray for all in one place...with names and birth dates (and heavenly home-going dates). I thought it would be special for us to compile a list of our precious babies and post it here on October 15th. So, if you are a mother who has lost a baby/child and would like to include your family on our list, please leave your information in the comments below or email it to me at sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com. If your information is on last year's list, please note I will be including those previously listed and just adding any new names and re-posting the list.
Even if we've never met (in real life or blog land!), you are welcome to participate. We want to remember all of the precious babies and their families. On that special day, I will post the list here and pray throughout the day for each of you...as we remember together. If you would like to help us spread the word on your blog so that we could include more families, please feel free! If you would like to include your child on the October 15th memory page, please leave the following in the comments below (on this post):
Child's Name
Parents Name
Birth Date
Entered Heaven:
Any message you may wish to share...or bible verse that brings you comfort
------------------
Giveaway is now Closed...Winners Announced in new post...You may still comment to add your family to the Remembrance Page...
And, as an added blessing, we have purchased a few beautiful Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness pins made by the talented and lovely Franchesca, to giveaway to three of you. I will be announcing the winners on Monday evening, in order to mail them on Tuesday (to insure they are received by Oct. 15th). To enter the giveaway, please leave a separate comment from your "baby name" entry and let us know if you would like to be entered to win the blue flower (for a boy), a pink flower (for a girl), or an off-white colored flower (gender neutral). Visit Franchesca's With Love site to view.
Also...if you are a grieving parent, and new to our site, please visit the Dreams of You Shop. If you would like a Dreams of You Memory Book or Comfort Bear, please email the shipping address listed on that page. We do not charge parents for our products or services. It is our desire and prayer to offer comfort and hope to every family who crosses our path.
More giveaways to come...so please stay tuned! Love and grace to all...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
What the Gift of Hospitality Looks Like
Tuesday evening, I was invited to share about Sufficient Grace Ministries to a lovely group of ladies from the Napoleon Church of the Nazarene. From the moment when we walked into the doors of the building with the lighthouses on the windows, Becki and I felt loved and welcomed. It was clear these sweet sisters in Christ have been blessed with the gift of hospitality. The room was decorated with lovely fall decor. A spread of yummy Subway sandwiches, and yummy desserts was set out before us, and smiling faces were everywhere we looked.
Of course, there was a bit of history involved, as there always seems to be when I visit any of the towns in our county. Two of my favorite Kindergarten teachers, who also happened to be sisters were in the room. One sister was my Kindergarten teacher, and the other welcomed both my boys into their grade school experience. My childhood babysitter was also in attendance.
This beautiful sign, made by Kindergarten teacher number two, the very talented Teresa, just blessed my heart. How sweet is this?! It just made me feel so special, and welcome.
Teresa said, "Well, it's not exactly like having your name in lights..."
I smiled, thinking, I'd rather have my name on a pumpkin anyway! A pumpkin that someone took the time out of her day to decorate and make me feel welcome. The whole evening was just like that...little touches of grace, beauty, and kindness here and there. As I looked at the women around the room, I thought that this is some of what the Lord must have had in mind when He made women. I think He has a purpose for the way we are woven together...the way some of us have the gift of conversation, while others notice the details, still others take the time to organize, and others care about making everything aesthetically pleasing and beautiful, others think of making someone comfortable, and still others create yummy food to nourish the body.
I had a lovely chat with the woman pictured above, whose daughters had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome and were born around the same gestational age as Faith and Grace. Her daughters are now six years old. They spent three months in the NICU after birth. The footprints of my daughters displayed on the table beside the podium where I spoke, reminded her of her own daughters' tiny footprints. My daughters never took a breath outside of my womb and will be celebrating their fourteenth birthday in heaven on November 3rd. And, still my heart was instantly knit to this mother's heart. We still shared the common bond of being mothers to twin daughters...daughters we both prayed for and love. I thought about weeping and rejoicing about (as Angie Smith so eloquently says) the "sacred dance of grief and joy".
One of the ladies was referred to as their "prayer warrior". What a compliment! And, pray she did. She opened in prayer, prayed over Sufficient Grace and prayed for me, and when a call came that someone was on their way to the hospital with pregnancy complications, we stopped and she prayed again. We laughed, we shared, we cried, we ate, we prayed. And, the bond of Christ was evidently shared amongst us. It was a beautiful blessing of an evening. And, no doubt...while we may flit and flurry through many days of our lives, riddled with our various weaknesses and imperfections, for that hour, I saw what I believe God desires for the relationships of women.
Love, compassion, grace, beauty, willing hearts, prayer warriors, friendship, encouragement, sharing of burdens, ministering to others, serving in joy, laughing with peace in our hearts, sisters in Him...
I am so thankful for this lovely group of women, and for their willing hearts to reach out to their community and shower blessings on all who cross their path. Becki and I were both so blessed and grateful for our time with you...and for your support of Sufficient Grace.
---------------------
A couple other things...
Love and Prayers to my friend, Stacy Delisle and family as they remember sweet Isaac today on his birthday! Happy heavenly birthday, sweet boy! Your life continues to touch so many others...
And...please take a few minutes to stop by and encourage the two moms featured on this week's Walking With You. Just leave them a little comment and let them know they are not alone. That would be so nice of you, and would mean so much to them.
One last thing...this weekend I am going to start announcing this month's giveaways for grieving mamas to commemorate National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. So, please stay tuned! Have a wonderful weekend!
Of course, there was a bit of history involved, as there always seems to be when I visit any of the towns in our county. Two of my favorite Kindergarten teachers, who also happened to be sisters were in the room. One sister was my Kindergarten teacher, and the other welcomed both my boys into their grade school experience. My childhood babysitter was also in attendance.
This beautiful sign, made by Kindergarten teacher number two, the very talented Teresa, just blessed my heart. How sweet is this?! It just made me feel so special, and welcome.
Teresa said, "Well, it's not exactly like having your name in lights..."
I smiled, thinking, I'd rather have my name on a pumpkin anyway! A pumpkin that someone took the time out of her day to decorate and make me feel welcome. The whole evening was just like that...little touches of grace, beauty, and kindness here and there. As I looked at the women around the room, I thought that this is some of what the Lord must have had in mind when He made women. I think He has a purpose for the way we are woven together...the way some of us have the gift of conversation, while others notice the details, still others take the time to organize, and others care about making everything aesthetically pleasing and beautiful, others think of making someone comfortable, and still others create yummy food to nourish the body.
I had a lovely chat with the woman pictured above, whose daughters had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome and were born around the same gestational age as Faith and Grace. Her daughters are now six years old. They spent three months in the NICU after birth. The footprints of my daughters displayed on the table beside the podium where I spoke, reminded her of her own daughters' tiny footprints. My daughters never took a breath outside of my womb and will be celebrating their fourteenth birthday in heaven on November 3rd. And, still my heart was instantly knit to this mother's heart. We still shared the common bond of being mothers to twin daughters...daughters we both prayed for and love. I thought about weeping and rejoicing about (as Angie Smith so eloquently says) the "sacred dance of grief and joy".
One of the ladies was referred to as their "prayer warrior". What a compliment! And, pray she did. She opened in prayer, prayed over Sufficient Grace and prayed for me, and when a call came that someone was on their way to the hospital with pregnancy complications, we stopped and she prayed again. We laughed, we shared, we cried, we ate, we prayed. And, the bond of Christ was evidently shared amongst us. It was a beautiful blessing of an evening. And, no doubt...while we may flit and flurry through many days of our lives, riddled with our various weaknesses and imperfections, for that hour, I saw what I believe God desires for the relationships of women.
Love, compassion, grace, beauty, willing hearts, prayer warriors, friendship, encouragement, sharing of burdens, ministering to others, serving in joy, laughing with peace in our hearts, sisters in Him...
I am so thankful for this lovely group of women, and for their willing hearts to reach out to their community and shower blessings on all who cross their path. Becki and I were both so blessed and grateful for our time with you...and for your support of Sufficient Grace.
---------------------
A couple other things...
Love and Prayers to my friend, Stacy Delisle and family as they remember sweet Isaac today on his birthday! Happy heavenly birthday, sweet boy! Your life continues to touch so many others...
And...please take a few minutes to stop by and encourage the two moms featured on this week's Walking With You. Just leave them a little comment and let them know they are not alone. That would be so nice of you, and would mean so much to them.
One last thing...this weekend I am going to start announcing this month's giveaways for grieving mamas to commemorate National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. So, please stay tuned! Have a wonderful weekend!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Show Some Love to Michelle, Mommy to Audrey and Kimberly, Mommy to Hudson
We are again featuring two sweet mamas on this week's Walking With You. I know that it has been awhile since we began this little showing-some-love-to-a-grieving-mama-each-week-project. That's part of the reason I've been trying to double up and feature two mothers in a week! I hope you will take some time to visit both and let them know that you are praying for them. It doesn't take much time, but it sure blesses the heart of a grieving mother to know that she is not alone.
First meet Michelle, mommy to the beautiful Audrey...
Michelle's words as they appear on her sidebar:
Jamie and I lost our first baby due to an early miscarriage and our firstborn, Audrey to severe prematurity (25 weeks) and sepsis. I blog to keep record of my journey for myself, a journal of sorts. In doing so I hope that other baby loss moms or those affected by a similar loss find some encouragement and comfort that we are not alone in our pain.
Michelle has such a beautiful smile! She has started a lovely project in memory of sweet Audrey called, Audrey's Little Light. She creates custom made scrapbook candles in memory of little ones who have left this earth too soon.
Please stop by and let her know that you are praying for her this week.
You may be familiar with the heart-warming smile of sweet Kimberly and the story of her sweet Hudson. But, please stop by and show her some love and say some prayers for her this week. I am linking to a post she wrote shortly after Hudson went home to heaven in January 2009. More of her recent blog shares about life with the latest Henninger blessing, their sweet daughter. I wanted to focus on Hudson for Walking With You, so I'm directing you to a post that tells his story. Please leave your comments there.
And, here are a few words from Kimberly as written in her profile:
We are The Henninger Family! Life has been full of many different paths and adventures in the past 3 years that we have been married. This blog is composed of all of the exciting times as well as sad times we have faced and are facing. We have a beautiful little boy named Hudson Greer who was born still after 30 weeks of pregnancy. We also have a 60-lbs lap dog named Hunter who we have had for 8 years and will always be our little baby. Both of us love Hudson and Hunter so much and are so glad they are a part of our lives. In our newest chapter we gave birth to the most resent addition to our family - Heidi Jewell. She is teaching us, just like Hudson did, so much more about life than we ever knew.
Thanks again. Have a blessed week!
First meet Michelle, mommy to the beautiful Audrey...
Michelle's words as they appear on her sidebar:
Jamie and I lost our first baby due to an early miscarriage and our firstborn, Audrey to severe prematurity (25 weeks) and sepsis. I blog to keep record of my journey for myself, a journal of sorts. In doing so I hope that other baby loss moms or those affected by a similar loss find some encouragement and comfort that we are not alone in our pain.
Michelle has such a beautiful smile! She has started a lovely project in memory of sweet Audrey called, Audrey's Little Light. She creates custom made scrapbook candles in memory of little ones who have left this earth too soon.
Please stop by and let her know that you are praying for her this week.
You may be familiar with the heart-warming smile of sweet Kimberly and the story of her sweet Hudson. But, please stop by and show her some love and say some prayers for her this week. I am linking to a post she wrote shortly after Hudson went home to heaven in January 2009. More of her recent blog shares about life with the latest Henninger blessing, their sweet daughter. I wanted to focus on Hudson for Walking With You, so I'm directing you to a post that tells his story. Please leave your comments there.
And, here are a few words from Kimberly as written in her profile:
We are The Henninger Family! Life has been full of many different paths and adventures in the past 3 years that we have been married. This blog is composed of all of the exciting times as well as sad times we have faced and are facing. We have a beautiful little boy named Hudson Greer who was born still after 30 weeks of pregnancy. We also have a 60-lbs lap dog named Hunter who we have had for 8 years and will always be our little baby. Both of us love Hudson and Hunter so much and are so glad they are a part of our lives. In our newest chapter we gave birth to the most resent addition to our family - Heidi Jewell. She is teaching us, just like Hudson did, so much more about life than we ever knew.
Thanks again. Have a blessed week!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The Passing of Time and Some Upcoming Events...Yes, it's a Hodge Podge
October has arrived, and I realize I've been a little absent in blog land. Truth be told, I've been soaking in every minute of my oldest son's high school golf season. Yes, in the grand scheme of eternity...not the most spiritual of matters. But, the heart of a mother learns to love what her children love. Their passions become our passions. When something means the world to them, it means the world to us. While it's certainly important to keep an eternal perspective, it is also a worthy thing to soak in the time we have with our children and let them know how much they matter to us. It isn't really hard to do. I love watching my children soar with the gifts and abilities that God has given them. And, I know my time following my oldest son on the golf course is growing short, as he just finished the golf season of his junior year. I won't lie. It is one of my favorite things to do. Watching him swing that club, surrounded by the most splendid display of earth's beauty. So, forgive me if I seem a little less focused from August to October. I am soaking it in, and time with my children is fleeting.
I marvel at the way time passes. Here we are in the midst of another autumn shrouded in memories. This is the time I usually relive the last moments of my mother's life, mixed in with the memories of Faith and Grace. It is generally commemorated with sleepless nights, flashbacks, and an agony of missing as my body relives those last weeks...even while my mind resists. This year has been a little different. The flashes are there, as I walk on to the soccer field and remember "the phone call"...and other times that bring the memories back. But, the passing of time is a force of it's own to be reckoned with. This year, there are so many current good-byes looming that the past good-byes are being pushed aside to make room. They are still there, of course...just shifting. I suppose this life is a string of good-byes...with a few hellos along the way.
My mother's house is for sale/rent. The house where I...in true teenage diva form... argued with my mom, while getting ready for my first Homecoming and my last. (I will be taking pictures of my son and his girl later today, as he prepares for his next-to-last Homecoming.) Last Sunday, I had to go and get some of Mom's things out of the house, so that someone else can move in...a trip I've been putting off. It is a strange feeling...going through the personal belongings of one that you love, realizing that the things we cling to in this life, really do not matter. We are just passing through, and the only things we can take with us to heaven are the people whose lives we touch by sharing the love of Jesus. I know this may not be a popular or uplifting thought to some. But, it is true. And the tangible knowledge of this truth is really working it's way into my heart.
While we were there, I tried not to remember all the Christmas mornings we laughed together in the front room, the times I checked my reflection in the full length closet mirror before a date, laughing on the edge of my bed with my best friend Nicki, swimming in the back yard pool back when I could still swim faster than my little brothers, laughing with my own kids in the same pool. My heart aches with the memories. But, as we loaded her items into our truck, I willed my heart to be numb and shook each memory from my mind, even as I felt them squeezing my heart.
I remember the first time I walked through mom's house alone after she passed. It struck me, all the little touches of "her". A woman's house is filled with her touches....she pours her heart into making her home a lovely haven. And, her signature is all over it. I never once walked into her house, since she has gone home to heaven, and didn't for just a moment expect to see her laying on her beloved couch...followed by the heart breaking disappointment that she wasn't there, that she would never be there again. And, now...it is likely that I will never walk into that house again. It may seem silly, but sometimes when her house was still there...it was as if a piece of her was still with us. I'm still sorting through the emotion of the idea that someone else will be in my mother's house...that when we go on a bike ride and check on her lilac bush, it will no longer be her lilac bush. Every rock that she and my grandfather placed in the landscaping around her house...and the mailbox she was so proud of...no longer hers. The driveway where she swung me in the air with joy as I told her I was expecting twins. Someone else's car will be parked there. Why does it feel like I'm saying goodbye all over again?
And, why do I feel the strong sense that we are just passing through...that the things I treasure (actually there are few earthly "things" that I treasure) will someday, at best be just a faint reminder that I once walked this earth...and at worst a burden of clutter to my children who will wonder what to do with it all...and most likely a little of both? Maybe this is why I'm not inclined to be a collector of things...and now even less so.
O.K....enough of my cleansing melancholy....so sorry to have taken you all there. God is working it all out in my heart...it's just fresh right now, and working through these matters takes time. The nitty gritty stuff of life is not something we can tie into a neat bow and wrap up in a little blog post.
So...in other news...
For those that are not local, please pray for the upcoming Sufficient Grace events...
And, for those that are local, please consider attending and/or supporting this month's festivities.
October 5th ~ Speaking at Napoleon Church of the Nazarene Women's Ministry
I will be sharing our family's journey of God's sufficient grace and presenting about Sufficient Grace Ministries at the Napoleon Church of the Nazarene on Tuesday October 5, 2010 at 6:30pm. All ladies are invited. I believe there is a small entry fee (just a few dollars). Come for an evening of encouragement, food, and some fun thrown in, as well!
Fundraiser hosted by the Napoleon Church of the Nazarene Women's Ministry
The Napoleon Church of the Nazarene is hosting a fundraiser to support the Food Pantry and Sufficient Grace Ministries. On October 15th and 16th, a photographer will be doing children's photo sessions. The pictures will be antique black and white with a splash of color. Special, fun antique clothing is provided for kids up to age 16. Cost is only $10 and you get a coupon for a free 10 x 13. You may order more pictures, but you are under no obligation to do so. You may sign up with either Kelly Gerken or Teresa Brown by October 9th. Times available are 10am-8:15m both days. List several options when you sign up so that we can find a time that works for you. This sounds like a fun way to get adorable pictures of your children and support two wonderful local ministries. I hope to see you there!
Please email me if you have questions.
I will be announcing some upcoming events to commemorate Pregnancy Loss/Remembrance Month soon. Also, please take a few minutes to encourage and pray for this week's Walking With You mamas. Thank you so much for those of you who are still reading!
Love to all...
I marvel at the way time passes. Here we are in the midst of another autumn shrouded in memories. This is the time I usually relive the last moments of my mother's life, mixed in with the memories of Faith and Grace. It is generally commemorated with sleepless nights, flashbacks, and an agony of missing as my body relives those last weeks...even while my mind resists. This year has been a little different. The flashes are there, as I walk on to the soccer field and remember "the phone call"...and other times that bring the memories back. But, the passing of time is a force of it's own to be reckoned with. This year, there are so many current good-byes looming that the past good-byes are being pushed aside to make room. They are still there, of course...just shifting. I suppose this life is a string of good-byes...with a few hellos along the way.
My mother's house is for sale/rent. The house where I...in true teenage diva form... argued with my mom, while getting ready for my first Homecoming and my last. (I will be taking pictures of my son and his girl later today, as he prepares for his next-to-last Homecoming.) Last Sunday, I had to go and get some of Mom's things out of the house, so that someone else can move in...a trip I've been putting off. It is a strange feeling...going through the personal belongings of one that you love, realizing that the things we cling to in this life, really do not matter. We are just passing through, and the only things we can take with us to heaven are the people whose lives we touch by sharing the love of Jesus. I know this may not be a popular or uplifting thought to some. But, it is true. And the tangible knowledge of this truth is really working it's way into my heart.
While we were there, I tried not to remember all the Christmas mornings we laughed together in the front room, the times I checked my reflection in the full length closet mirror before a date, laughing on the edge of my bed with my best friend Nicki, swimming in the back yard pool back when I could still swim faster than my little brothers, laughing with my own kids in the same pool. My heart aches with the memories. But, as we loaded her items into our truck, I willed my heart to be numb and shook each memory from my mind, even as I felt them squeezing my heart.
I remember the first time I walked through mom's house alone after she passed. It struck me, all the little touches of "her". A woman's house is filled with her touches....she pours her heart into making her home a lovely haven. And, her signature is all over it. I never once walked into her house, since she has gone home to heaven, and didn't for just a moment expect to see her laying on her beloved couch...followed by the heart breaking disappointment that she wasn't there, that she would never be there again. And, now...it is likely that I will never walk into that house again. It may seem silly, but sometimes when her house was still there...it was as if a piece of her was still with us. I'm still sorting through the emotion of the idea that someone else will be in my mother's house...that when we go on a bike ride and check on her lilac bush, it will no longer be her lilac bush. Every rock that she and my grandfather placed in the landscaping around her house...and the mailbox she was so proud of...no longer hers. The driveway where she swung me in the air with joy as I told her I was expecting twins. Someone else's car will be parked there. Why does it feel like I'm saying goodbye all over again?
And, why do I feel the strong sense that we are just passing through...that the things I treasure (actually there are few earthly "things" that I treasure) will someday, at best be just a faint reminder that I once walked this earth...and at worst a burden of clutter to my children who will wonder what to do with it all...and most likely a little of both? Maybe this is why I'm not inclined to be a collector of things...and now even less so.
O.K....enough of my cleansing melancholy....so sorry to have taken you all there. God is working it all out in my heart...it's just fresh right now, and working through these matters takes time. The nitty gritty stuff of life is not something we can tie into a neat bow and wrap up in a little blog post.
So...in other news...
For those that are not local, please pray for the upcoming Sufficient Grace events...
And, for those that are local, please consider attending and/or supporting this month's festivities.
October 5th ~ Speaking at Napoleon Church of the Nazarene Women's Ministry
I will be sharing our family's journey of God's sufficient grace and presenting about Sufficient Grace Ministries at the Napoleon Church of the Nazarene on Tuesday October 5, 2010 at 6:30pm. All ladies are invited. I believe there is a small entry fee (just a few dollars). Come for an evening of encouragement, food, and some fun thrown in, as well!
Fundraiser hosted by the Napoleon Church of the Nazarene Women's Ministry
The Napoleon Church of the Nazarene is hosting a fundraiser to support the Food Pantry and Sufficient Grace Ministries. On October 15th and 16th, a photographer will be doing children's photo sessions. The pictures will be antique black and white with a splash of color. Special, fun antique clothing is provided for kids up to age 16. Cost is only $10 and you get a coupon for a free 10 x 13. You may order more pictures, but you are under no obligation to do so. You may sign up with either Kelly Gerken or Teresa Brown by October 9th. Times available are 10am-8:15m both days. List several options when you sign up so that we can find a time that works for you. This sounds like a fun way to get adorable pictures of your children and support two wonderful local ministries. I hope to see you there!
Please email me if you have questions.
I will be announcing some upcoming events to commemorate Pregnancy Loss/Remembrance Month soon. Also, please take a few minutes to encourage and pray for this week's Walking With You mamas. Thank you so much for those of you who are still reading!
Love to all...
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