A Gift of Time Book Tour

For those new to this site, my name is Kelly Gerken, and I am the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women and Families. You can learn more about our non-profit ministry which offers comfort and hope to hundreds of families each year all over the United States and beyond by clicking the link in this post or the Home Tab at the top of the page. This ministry was born from our own family's journey through the loss of three of our five children: twin daughters, Faith and Grace, who suffered from twin to twin transfusion syndrome and a son, Thomas, who was diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome. You can read more about our family's story of hope and healing by clicking here.

I mentioned in a previous post that part of our story was shared in a recently published book co-authored by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah Davis entitled, A Gift of Time. This book is a wonderful resource for families who are facing a fatal pregnancy diagnosis and for those who walk with them through this journey. Kathleen Benson is hosting a question/answer virtual book tour today, so I joined in to share some thoughts along with a few of the other contributors.

I answered some of the other questions, especially my initial reaction/feelings after reading the book in a previous post. Click here to read those thoughts.

And, now I'll try to answer a few other questions on the tour:

· As a bereaved parent, how have you continued to celebrate the memory of your deceased infant, and what resources did you utilize to help you cope with your loss?

During a past session of Walking With You (our online bereavement support site), I shared more details about how we remember our babies. In the beginning, we had little birthday parties with cupcakes or cookies with a close friend. We don't always make a big deal out of those days now, many years later. But, we never forget. Hanging special ornaments on the tree at Christmas, donating bibles in their names, purchasing presents to give to needy children at Christmas through Operation Christmas child...these are all different things we have done. One of the most significant ways that their lives have touched the lives of others is the legacy they have through Sufficient Grace Ministries. Every Dreams of You Memory Book that is given to a grieving family, every Comfort Bear that fills a pair of empty arms...every one of the items we give says that Faith, Grace, and Thomas were here. Their lives mattered. Because they lived, because God comforted us in our grief, we can reach out to offer comfort and hope to others.

· For most of the contributors to A Gift of Time, many years have now come and gone since the deaths of our babies. Looking back on your pregnancy and experience since the birth and death of your child(ren) has your perspective changed at all over the years? Do you have any regrets or think that you would do anything differently, “knowing what you know now?”

It has been fourteen years since Faith and Grace were born still, and twelve years since we spent six precious hours with our Thomas before saying goodbye. When we carried Thomas, after learning of his fatal diagnosis, we didn't know that we were making some brave choice. We were just trying to parent our son the best we could, and do what we felt was right in the eyes of the Lord. We didn't know the significance of that choice. Looking back, I realize that there was so little support because most of the time families in our situation chose to terminate. We were sort of like pioneers in many ways. But, we didn't know that. We were just trying to survive it...praying for a miracle, while planning a funeral.

Regrets...

Yes, I have many. I regret not taking on the perspective that we could take Thomas to different places while in my womb, making memories...soaking in that gift of time for all it was worth. I sang to him, prayed for him, talked with him. I did cherish the time. But there was so much more I could have done. I could have written him letters. I could have had beautiful maternity pictures taken. I could have planned to have our oldest son at the hospital to share that precious time, along with other family members. We could have chosen comfort care...and would have, if we would have known there was such a thing. I could have written a birth plan, if I would have known there was such a thing. I could have given him a bath like I wanted, instead of allowing the nurse to tell me that would just be "too hard". I wish I could have had beautiful photographs of all three of our babies and our family like parents have today through organizations like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I wish I had pictures of me kissing his face. I wish I would have unwrapped him and taken pictures of his feet and hands.

There are more. I could fill books with my regrets. But, I did the best I could. We did the best we could. We loved our children...all of them. And, one thing we do not regret. We do not regret giving them every opportunity for life. We view our time with them as the most precious of gifts. For that we are grateful...and for the promise that our regrets will one day be wiped away along with our tears. All will be right in heaven, where they wait, complete and safe.

· Whether or not you believe that “everything happens for a reason,” what good have you found that has come from your experience parenting a baby that did not live long before or after their birth?

I could fill books with the good that has been born from this journey, as well. We believe and have witnessed, that God makes beauty from ashes. We would have never chosen this path, but it is the path we have walked. And, there have been beautiful gifts in our lives because Faith, Grace, and Thomas lived. We were broken, more than once, in our sorrow. We learned to cling to God in such a profound and deep way...a way that can only be learned through being so broken, so desperate, so in need of His strength. We learned what it feels like to experience His sufficient grace. Our marriage went through incredible struggles, and seemed that it would barely survive at one point. And, yet...He healed not only our broken hearts, but our marriage has been restored to a place I never imagined possible. I mentioned before the work of  Sufficient Grace Ministries. That is a beautiful picture of the good being born from so much sorrow. And, we stand in awe of the privilege of being able to watch this story unfold.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort that we ourselves have received from God. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4



Because we were comforted by a loving God, we want to reach out and offer comfort to others walking this path.
This verse has also held true for us:


Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
Psalm 126:5

Thanks so much for stopping by on the tour. You can meet some of the other contributors to A Gift of Time by visiting Kathleen's site, linked below.
To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at Four of a Kind.