Walking With You...Anger

It's kind of long and messy...but the new Walking With You post is up. There are some tender pieces of my heart shared there, so please be gentle. I am feeling a little raw and overexposed tonight. Praying for God's grace and protection. This was really hard to do, and I am wondering if anything I put into words will even have any worth or be of any help. I pray that it will, for it has been a struggle to share my heart on this topic. And there is still much on my mind and heart that I didn't share.

We are talking about anger and forgiveness...so, even if you haven't lost a child, this week's study may be relevant to you. Visit the Walking With You page to read it.

Lesson 4 ~ Anger

If you wish to learn more about Walking With You, click on the button above, or visit previous posts. I need to just dive in today, or this post won't make it to publish.

This week, our Threads of Hope lesson focused on anger. I'll be honest, the questions and scriptures in this study cut me to the core, and I am still trying to process some of what was revealed...some of what is still being revealed...under the layers I hide behind so well. There is so much on my heart, and I'm not sure if I can or will...or even should share it all.

How was anger expressed in your home when you were a child?

Although I feel that this is relevant to what we are studying, it is difficult to share. It's important to me to honor my parents. And, I pray that my words do nothing to bring them dishonor. I share it because it shaped who I am and how I respond...and even some of the things I struggle with. God has brought about so much healing in my life...and He isn't finished yet.

I don't remember a lot of anger being expressed when I was a child. As a teenager, my mother and I shared quite a few volatile emotional outbursts, as many teenagers and parents do. I was rebellious and disrespectful. She was a single mother, exhausted from working second shift...and trying to raise three children.

My parents were divorced before I was three years old. My father moved several states away sometime after I was about eight. The only memory I have of my parents interacting with each other, they were yelling as I stood between them. I was the subject of the argument. Afterward, my father left and I did not see him again for many years.

How do you express anger now?

With tears...and unfortunately venting and even emotional outbursts at times. I have been known to raise my voice. And...just like any other time, I have way too many words. I need to work on that quick to listen, slow to speak thing...

What three warnings did God give concerning our anger in Ephesians 4:26-27?
1. Be angry and do not sin.
2. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.
3. Nor give place to the devil.

(#3 is corrected: I had originally written, "nor give place to bitterness"...but that was a typing error. I was looking at one thing and typed another. Although...stearing clear of bitterness is also a good idea!)

How long have you been angry? How has it affected you?

I am not generally an angry person. I doubt that anyone in my life would describe me that way. I actually hate to be mad at someone or have conflict with others, even if I might be "justified" in feeling anger. It isn't a place I like to dwell. I would rather forgive and feel restored. The weight of anger is not something I have the energy or desire to bear.

Having said that, there was a time when anger and bitterness stole my joy and weighed heavily on my heart after losing three of my babies. When Faith and Grace went to heaven, I was so desperate to have a baby to ease the ache of our empty arms. We thought Thomas would be that child. But, after receiving a fatal diagnosis and watching the life drain from my husband's face...after walking through that pregnancy and leaving the hospital without our baby again, grief came...and then anger.

For a good year, I was angry...not at God, or Tim...just angry. Angry that my babies weren't here. Angry that I had to feel this horrible grief, again...still. Angry that other people could have babies and I couldn't give that to my family. Angry for all that we had lost, angry for the joy that had been stolen from something that should be happy. Angry that other people could have baby showers and celebrate. Don't get me wrong...I didn't begrudge them their joy...I was just angry that I couldn't experience that joy. And...some of it wasn't really anger as much as hurt. It just hurt...so much.

What makes you most angry about your loss?

I don't recall feeling as angry, I guess, but more hurt. It has been thirteen years since we said goodbye to our baby girls and eleven since we last held our Thomas. So, I certainly am not angry now. I was angry for awhile over what we were missing, but that was many years ago. I remember one day, on the floor of my bedroom, I cried out...pouring all of my bitterness before the Lord and He began to lift that burden. He healed and restored that broken place....making beauty from the ashes, as He has done so many times in my life.

I have felt some anger, or not even really anger...but at least questioning, with the loss of my mother. She suffered so terribly. It was unspeakably horrible to watch. There are still nightmares sometimes. In my dreams, I feel as if I should have been able to stop her from dying. Even though, I know that isn't' true. Somewhere inside, I am still not O.K. with her death. I don't understand why she had to suffer so much, and leave us so early. At the time, I couldn't feel God's presence, couldn't hear His voice, couldn't see Him comforting and carrying her as I kept promising her He would. I felt deserted. I believe He was there...but only by faith. I couldn't see or feel the comfort of His presence during that hideous time of darkness...the way I did with Faith, Grace, and Thomas.

Sometimes, as irrational as it is, I'm even a little angry at her for leaving me here. And, I know that sounds juvenile and crazy. But I miss her desperately. And there are some things that only she would understand, relate to, enjoy, or care about. No one knew me like she did and no one loved me like she did. (Yes, I know I am dearly loved by the beautiful people in this house...and for that I am grateful.)Her absence alters the rest of my life. Every holiday, every birthday, every amazing thing that my kids do...everything is different without her here. It's not that I don't go on...and enjoy life...and live life. It isn't that God isn't here comforting me. I am living...and He is comforting. But the ache of missing her does not leave. And the myriad of emotions regarding her suffering and her passing are still very powerful.

The study asked that we chart our anger responses to:

Ourselves...

After losing the babies, I felt some disappointment, regret, and maybe anger with myself, I suppose. It was unreasonable, but I felt as if I had somehow brought this sorrow on my family.

I regret not cherishing every moment with my mom, not taking her to the ocean one more time, I regret the years I spent letting anger come between us.

I am angry with myself that I have struggled with many things lately...that I have let myself go in many ways...choosing to eat unhealthy...that I am disorganized. Really, I'd like to just stop listing now.

My response...disappointment in myself, eating for emotional comfort, withdrawal.

God...

I don't feel angry at God, but I have felt hurt and forsaken. Feeling forsaken, left, unloved...that is something I have battled throughout my life.

When I feel this way with the Lord, I practice avoidance. I withdraw under layers of something that I can grab quickly for comfort.

After mom suffered and finally went home to heaven, the hurt was so intense, I couldn't pray. My prayers consisted of choking sobs of "I'm sorry God...I just can't...it hurts too much." My pastor reminded me that that was still prayer. God welcomes us and even longs for us to come to Him ...just as we are...broken and full of hurts and needs.

Eventually, I could talk to Him again. But, He still recognized my choking sobs when there were no words.

Others...

I pull away first...and if I'm close enough to the person emotionally, there may be a verbal venting.

How did your partner respond to losing your child?

After losing our children, my husband withdrew emotionally. He retreated so far emotionally that I wondered if he would ever come back. And, it looked like at one point, he may not. I think it also intensified his feeling to protect our family from the things that he did have control over. Loss of control and fear was an issue for both of us.

God has beautifully healed and restored that time of brokenness. There are not words to express how precious it is to me...seeing the fruits of God's healing in our marriage and in the heart of my amazing husband. A beautiful, lasting love was born from that pain. It is a gift I cherish everyday.

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This question stopped me in my tracks...

Is there anyone with whom you are still angry?

Yes...

Although God has brought about much healing and forgiveness in my life and my family, I am still angry, and hurt by a few people in my life. The answer surprised me. I didn't expect to have powerful feelings of hurt and anger rise up at the asking of that question. Some of it has to with our losses...and some of my anger has to do with other things.

As I've pondered over the past couple of days, trying to come to terms with all these feelings and their source, it seems a couple common themes emerge.

The people I am angry with or feel hurt by have disappointed me. They have not met my expectations. You could say that my expectations were justified. (And indeed, I don't expect a great deal from others...just mostly myself.) After all, certain people should support you, show love to you, should be counted on to carry your burdens with you, and "hold your rope" so to speak. When they don't, it hurts.

So...theme one boils down to unmet expectations.

Theme two would be feeling forsaken, left, deserted.

Pictures flash through my mind...

...of the eight-year-old girl standing on the porch as my dad drove away in his red Mazda...

...the mother who cried out in prayer to her heavenly Father, for her baby girls night and day...now hearing only silence as the snowflakes fell outside the window, welcoming her baby girls to the world they had already left...

...the same mother standing in the hallway, looking out into the pouring rain, wondering how she would say goodbye to another baby, while the only sound she could hear was the hateful voice whispering in her ear, ringing through her mind, "Where is Your God Now?"...

...the same girl, this time a daughter... watching helplessly, standing beside her Mother's bed as she writhed in agony and wasted away. Stroking her mother's hair, she tearfully spoke promises of truth from scripture, all the time wondering where on earth her (heavenly) Father was...until the day He came to take her home...and she realized she would have to stand without her mother...

I have felt forsaken...again and again. But is it true? Does feeling it make it so?
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Here is the truth about unmet expectations and feeling forsaken. Expectations almost always set us up to be disappointed. We place expectations on other people based our own ideals. They may not have the capacity to meet that expectation, and should be accepted as they are. We think a father, grandparent, sibling, spouse, child, etc. should act a certain way. We are hurt when they do not. I have found that there is great freedom and peace when I free others from my expectations of them. They need not fulfill some role in my life. I can love them because Jesus loves them and He will enable me to love them, too. I can take my hurts and my needs to Him to meet and not the person who is unable or unwilling to meet them.

Thus says the Lord:
Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord.
For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inherited.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope is the Lord.
~Jer. 17:5-7


And, I suppose this is the reason it's so hard for Christians to talk about feelings like anger. We are uncomfortable with those feelings, because we know what we're supposed to do. We are supposed to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to show love. We are not supposed to let a root of bitterness form in our hearts, keep a record of wrongs, think selfishly, etc.

So, how does all of that fit together...anger and forgiveness?

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Christ forgave you. ~ Eph. 4:31-32

We are to put away anger and forgive. How does that look, anyway? I don't know the answer to that. I think that although I do have some feelings of anger, and even more just feelings of hurt... when I think of certain incidents with some of the people in my life, I do not feel as if I'm trying to dwell on those feelings. I have tried to give them to the Lord, to pray for the individuals. When they are before me, the Lord has enabled me to display grace and even love. I do not feel that I am holding bitterness in my heart. Sometimes I feel anger and hurt, but that is not a place I dwell. Does that mean I haven't forgiven? What will it look like when I have? Will I not have those feelings anymore? What can I do in the meantime?

What I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that we have to practice forgiveness. We have opportunities to forgive..to show love and grace. It may not come all at once. But, we can continue to give all of our hurts to the Lord and allow Him to work...to comfort...heal...forgive...and restore. In time, maybe the feelings with catch up.

At the same time I am wondering how forgiveness can be achieved when the hurt remains...

I also wonder about the feeling of being forsaken.

Does feeling it make it so?

People have left me...that is true. Whether through their own choosing, or through death, I have been left behind. I'm sure we have all experienced that in some way. But, what of God? Has He forsaken me? He is sovereign. So nothing that happens to us comes without His knowledge. While He doesn't send sickness, death, or sorrow...He could have prevented it. He could have spared my mother the terrible suffering. He could have knitted our children together perfectly. He could have. But, He didn't. Does that mean we are forsaken?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written:
"For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:35-39

The truth is that we are never forsaken...and that nothing separates us from His love for us. Not even the things we don't understand.

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The study asks us to list our "what-ifs" and " if-onlys". I listed a couple above, but I just can't say anymore about that. It is a place I don't wish to revisit.

I appreciate the scriptures shared from Psalm 139, reassuring us that our children's lives were and are in God's hands. Their times were in His hands.

Faith's, Grace's, and Thomas' frames were not hidden from You,
When they were made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw their substance being yet unformed.
And in Your book, they were all written, the days fashioned for them...
~ using Psalm 139:15-16 (with our children's names inserted)

And the same is true for my mom...

And the same is true for me...

And the same is true for you...

We are in His hands. And, regardless of my hurts...there is no place I'd rather be.

Blessed is He whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord, his God. ~Psalm 146:5

So Much Harder Than I Expected...

This week's Walking With You (from the Threads of Hope bible study) is about anger. It is, quite frankly, taking me to places that I'd rather not revisit, as well as places I didn't even know existed. It is stripping, humbling, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, nitty-gritty stuff. What's funny is that I was afraid when we started this study that it wouldn't go deep enough...that it was going to be too cotton candy, too scratching the surface. Not even a little. Now, I'm wondering if it may be too much. Because right now, I'm feeling a little broken by this study...and not so much by the study as what I'm seeing in my own heart. God's Word is so powerful...and tonight, it has brought me to my knees.

Do you know what else is funny? I'm one of the least angry people I know, or so I thought. I don't really keep a record of wrongs, (well...not too often, anyway). If I have an issue with someone (or they with me), I like to resolve it as soon as possible...hate grudges, couldn't have one if I tried. I would always much rather forgive than stay angry.

And yet...this study has been such a revealing look into places I would rather stay hidden. Painful places that still hurt. As I've tried to work on the study for the past couple days, I've realized that this is so much harder than I thought it would be. It's hard to look at anger...hard to talk about it...hard to admit that it's there. (That last one might be the hardest part for me.). I can only look so long before I put the book down and cower away from the powerful feelings stirring in my heart. I'm not even sure if it is anger...but whatever it is, it is powerful and it hurts.

If you are looking for this week's Walking With You, please be patient, as I try to reconcile what I have thought to be true with what is actually in my own heart. I'm not even sure if I can share what is stirring and threatening to pour out of me. I will try to get it up late Thursday or Friday...

Please pray for me and the others brave enough to work through these difficult feelings. This is really hard. But...I do think it will be worth it. All the best stuff seems to come at a cost. I guess that's how we know how valuable it is.

One last thing...even if you have not lost a child, I encourage you to take a look at the Walking With You posts on anger this week, when we finally do get them up. Because, I'm finding this anger thing...it isn't isolated to those who grieve. We ALL deal with it...even those of us who may not think it's an issue at all.

A Familiar Face, New to Sufficient Grace

Last weekend, we had a long-overdue Sufficient Grace meeting to welcome a new face to the Sufficient Grace Ministries team. Although, her lovely face is probably familiar to most of you, she has taken a new position on our ministry board. And, we are so grateful for her willing heart to serve the Lord and grieving families with us. I have long been blessed and encouraged by her tireless heart of compassion, even in the midst of her own grief. I love her positive attitude. She is a shining example of one who "grieves with hope". Most of you have read her story of a mother's love for her daughter. It's a story of hope, courage, and faith. Most of you have read of the life of sweet Carleigh. If you haven't, please click over to "meet" this beautiful family, and the newest member of Sufficient Grace Ministries: Holly Haas.



Welcome, Holly! We are so glad to have you with us. Tim, Becki, and I have been praying for someone else to join us since a former board member stepped down for personal reasons. Becki has served with me for many years, even before we formed Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women. Becki and I published The Women's Edge Newsletter to encourage women with biblical truth, before I was pregnant with Faith and Grace! (Since they would be teenagers now, that was quite awhile ago!) I am so grateful for Becki's support, encouragement, eye for design, fun personality, business sense, and friendship as we serve together in ministry.

My husband is the fourth member of our board. He is more of a behind the scenes supporter. He does have a say in every decision we make, though. I appreciate his wisdom, support, and encouragement. He heads up the music portion of our ministry outreach, which we hope to develop more in the near future.

As I'm sharing this, I just want to also give you a little window into something God has been revealing to me, and to the rest of Sufficient Grace. This morning, our pastor was teaching about leadership in the church and ministry. Some of the verses REALLY hit home for me. As I've often shared my struggle with balancing family, ministry, work, and life...weariness creeps up on me, more often than I'd like to admit.

Moses was leading the people of Israel, and his father-in-law, when seeing all that he was trying to do on his own said this:
"...The thing that you do is not good. Both you and these people who are with you will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself. Listen now to my voice; I will give you counsel, and God will be with you. Stand before God for the people, so that you may bring the difficulties to God." ~ Exodus 18:18-19

There are many needs, and I have much on my heart to do. The problem is that I have tried to carry too much of the burden, when there are willing hearts waiting to help. God has really been working on me with this. Most recently, it has become evident as I've dropped the ball a couple times...losing an order for a Dreams of You Memory Book, getting behind on paperwork, donation recording, and general organizing. Everyone serving in this ministry is so busy that I haven't wanted to add what I've viewed as my responsibilities to their burden. But, it has grown to be too much. And God is showing me that it's time to share the burden with those who are willing.

So it will be easier for you, for they will bear the burden with you. If you do this thing, and God so commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all this people will also go to their place in peace. ~ Exodus 18:22b-23

So, we are working to regroup and redistribute responsibilities...and most of all get everything in order as we adjust to the growth of Sufficient Grace. You may see correspondence from Becki, Holly, or myself if you donate or place an order. We are working together, and will continue to do so...sharing the burdens (or privileges rather...for it is a privilege to serve)...so that we will not grow weary.

Please pray for us as we adjust, looking forward to what God has planned for the next chapter...and thank you for your continued support.

In His Grace,
Kelly

P.S. A few people have asked if our church provides podcasts. I'm happy to announce that podcasts are now available on the new Harvest Fellowship website. Hear wonderful, encouraging, verse-by-verse teaching from our (much-loved) Pastor James here.

Walking With You - Threads of Hope, Lesson 3

New Walking With You post...Threads of Hope ~ Lesson 3. Please click on over to the Walking With You page, and even if you don't participate, please pray for and encourage those who do.

And also, please pray for three-year-old, Joshua, who is battling cancer and for my friend, Stacy Delisle who is giving birth to her sweet daughter, Eliana today! Thank you Jesus!!!!

Weep with those who weep...and rejoice with those who rejoice...

Love to all...

Threads of Hope ~ Lesson 3

Walking With You is an outreach of Sufficient Grace Ministries, led by Kelly Gerken. We are a group of mothers who have lost a baby or child. We gather together from different places on our journey, each month to share our stories, to encourage, and pray for one another as we walk this path together. Our hope is that you will be comforted when you join us here...and maybe that we can offer some grace for the journey as we look to the Lord for comfort and strength.


This month for Walking With You, we will be going through the Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy Bible Study for the next nine weeks. Even if you have not joined us previously, I hope you will join us for this. All are welcome. My prayer is that it will bring hope and much-needed encouragement to hearts that are grieving.

*Because a lot of material will be covered in each study, you may share as much or as little as you wish about what speaks to you. You may answer every question on your post, or just choose one particular concept or scripture that spoke to you. Share as little or as much as you are able.

I'll admit, I was a little disappointed that there weren't more participants in last week's study. It seemed like there was so much enthusiasm about starting it. (I am grateful to those of you who did participate, though!) And, I hope it was a blessing to others, even if we didn't hear from you. I know how busy everyone is. Believe me, I'm giving up much-needed sleep so that I can just get this post up! If you missed last week, you can still join in anytime...or just comment if you don't wish to post. We appreciate the input and encouragement, too! If you do post, don't feel like you have to cover everything in the study. It is a lot for a blog post. Just share what you wish. O.K....I'll get off my soap box, now. Please just know, that you are always loved and welcome here...to come as you are.

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We begin this week's study with Joseph's father receiving the news of his son's "death". His expression of grief in Genesis 37:31-35 is heart wrenching and raw. He tore his clothes, refused to be comforted, wept, and said that "he would go down into the grave with his son".

I can relate to this. Looking back on my own initial grief with Faith and Grace, I am met with images of myself wailing in an unrecognizable voice from the deepest pit of my soul. It is a blurry image without details...just mind-numbing sorrow. Beyond reason sorrow. And one word of denial shouted above it all..."Nooooooooo...". I can even remember fleeting depths of pain so great that I did wish I could join them...not that I would have taken it into my own hands. But, my longing for them was so great and the pain so intense, I felt desperate for relief...desperate to be where they are.

I love Joseph's response to his brothers who had wronged him terribly:

Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. ~ Gen. 50:19-21

There are things in life that are hurtful...things meant for evil that God is able to use for good, in order to save many...to comfort many...to heal the hearts of many. We need not be afraid, because our Comforter will carry us and provide for us.

With Faith and Grace, I could relate more to Joseph's father with regards to my grief response. But, with Thomas, my response resembled that of Job. Not that would hold myself up as a Job or even say that I am in his league of displaying faith through suffering. But, his response resonated with me often during my own walk through that dark valley. As far as Job's wife goes...yes, I have seen others turn away from God in the face of grief, instead of toward Him. It is a common response.

I took comfort in the book of Job, often, as we processed the news that Thomas would not dwell long with us on this earth. I wrote a prayer the night we heard the words "incompatible with life". At the end of the prayer, I had scrawled Job 13:15 and Job 1:20.

Job 13:15
Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.

Job 1:20
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I studied Job...wanting to know how to do this...how to survive it...how to find hope in the midst of it...how to please God even with a shattered heart, as we walked this path. It gave me comfort to see that the people of the bible struggled with the same things that I did.

Job 3:25-26
For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me,
And what I dreaded has happened to me.
I am not at ease, nor am I quiet;
I have no rest, for trouble comes.

It also brought me great comfort that God noticed, acknowledged, and understood my sorrow. It is stated that through all of Job's suffering, he did not sin. He was overwhelmed, wanted to die, agony tore at him, and he even questioned God. Still, he is counted as faithful. I needed to know that feeling overwhelmed by grief, wondering why, not joyfully skipping through this pain was not wrong. Feeling all of that...not loving the suffering... didn't mean I wasn't faithful.

Walking this journey with Thomas, I learned about blessing God in the giving and in the taking away. For in both, He is good...He is faithful...and He is worthy of our praise. It is a precious gift.

I also love how God restored Job's losses...and blessed him greater in the end of his life than in the beginning. Oh...His promises are perfect and true.

The next section shares on the steps or stages of grief. I encourage you to read this, especially if you are newly walking this path. It does help to understand what you are feeling, and what you can possibly expect to feel. There is also a place to list the major events and losses you've experienced. I'm not going to list all of that in this post...but I will say...God has carried me through many losses and trials, redeemed and restored much that was broken and taken from me, and He has healed so many hurts. Much has been taken...but much more has been given. And, for that I am grateful.

I leave you with some instructions for us and some promises from our faithful God...

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. ~ I Peter 5:6-11



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A Little Blog Party Fun

I've been feeling a little lonely in blogland lately, and a little bit heavy with the demands of this life. So...I thought I'd lighten things up with a little fun Blog Parade! Thanks Abigail!

1. What's your favorite time of the day, and why?

I like the evening, after dinner when everyone's bellies are full and satisfied. The day is winding down, and we've settled in to enjoy the peace and quiet (or raucous laughter) of home.

2. If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?

Although, I have a fondness for most things chocolate, it has to be Doritos...hands down. I've never met a Dorito I didn't like!

3. If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?

Hmmmm, I think I wish that I could do ministry work full time.

4. What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?

In a house full of boys, I am teased a lot about everything! Let's see...my girly golf swing...my forgetfulness? I suppose I get teased (sometimes lovingly and sometimes in annoyance) for being late. I'm working on that!

5. If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?

I love Johnny and June at the end of the movie Walk the Line...not the parts full of turmoil or all the mistakes they made...but the end, when they are ministering to the prisoners. Actually, the movie doesn't show them singing gospel music, but they did that. What I love about Johnny and June wasn't so much depicted in the movie, as in their real lives. I love their story of redemption and love...not so much they way they started out...but the way they ended up. Johnny became a Christian, and had a heart for the lost. (Of course, I would be June and Tim would be Johnny Cash...and we'd be singing about Jesus! Hey, it's my fantasy, right? I can make up the rules!) I'd love to be able to minister to others through music with my husband. In some ways, we are already being allowed to do that. So, who knows? (By the way, my love for Johnny and June is probably another thing close friends tease me about!)

6. If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

I'd love to play the piano.

7.If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?

Somewhere warm with lots of sunshine...a beautiful beach on the ocean...and lots of golf courses. Maybe Disneyworld, too. I think that would keep everyone in our family happy!

8. If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?

While I'm not an awesome singer by any means, I do love to sing...especially with my husband who is just bravely learning to sing along with his wonderful guitar playing. We like folksy-rock music...with Christian lyrics, of course.

Like this...(my husband and I singing This Little Light of Mine during church worship)




9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?

Home Depot...to purchase new carpet and flooring, paint, and other remodeling items.
Guitar Center...to purchase music equipment

10. If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?

Don't laugh, but sometimes I'd like to live in the '50's. I'd like to stay home and focus on my family, rather than working outside the home. And, I would love to wear pretty dresses everyday. But, I would miss the internet! Now is good...and I suppose someday I could stay home...and maybe even wear pretty dresses in the time we're living in! =)

11. If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?

My color loves vary...so hard to choose just one. Maybe turquoise right now? Other times, it could be fuchsia...and I always like a lot of black!

12. If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be?
(Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)

Lately...Sleepy! But, most of the time...Happy!

13. What's the last album you listened to?

Stephen Curtis Chapman - Beauty Will Rise

14. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a missionary, an actress, a writer, or a political journalist! =)