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If you are new to our site, this blog is sort of a hodge podge of our ministry and family life, and whatever else God lays on my heart to share. The Home Page above will link you to our Sufficient Grace Ministries page. You can read more about the 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization and the outreaches of this ministry whose mission is to offer comfort and hope to grieving parents. The Blog button brings you to the page you are currently reading, featuring a variety of subjects...some ministry updates, some family news, and some biblically-based encouragement. The Walking With You page is a place for bereaved parents who have lost a baby or child to find encouragement and hope. It is an online support group created so that families would know they are not walking this path alone. On the Dreams of You Shop page, you can learn more about the products and services we offer, place an order, or sponsor a family. The Encouraging Women blog is a work in progress. There, we hope to offer biblically-based encouragement to all women. The Resource page has been newly updated with a list of resources that are helpful for grieving parents. Our blogroll is also located on this page. Thank you so much for visiting our site. Blessings to you...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thirteen Birthdays in Heaven...and Thirteen Years of Impacting this Earth

Today our Thomas would have been thirteen years old. And, if all of our children were here with us, we would have four teenagers in this tiny house. Four teenagers and one middle school boy. Hopefully we would have added a second bathroom by now!!

I wonder sometimes about birthdays in heaven. Certainly there must be some significance to the day God chose for us to be born on this earth. Everything He does has multi-faceted meaning after all. And the longer I walk with Him, the more evident it is that nothing in this life is an accident.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.


Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
  
       
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You. 


Psalm 139:13-18

I am awake right now, in the wee hours of the morning, full of thoughts of God's ways....and He is with me. Amazing, isn't it...that the days are fashioned for us, written in His book "when as yet there were none of them". Even before we breathe our first breath...and even if we never take a breath on this earth, He knits us together in our mother's womb. He thinks thoughts of us, before we are even a thought in our parents' minds. He plans the day we will be born, so it must be significant. And, it is significant...even if our time here is brief. Every life has the capacity to greatly impact this world, and He thinks the thoughts that outnumber the grains of sand about every single one of those lives.

It was no accident the day our Thomas was born, nor any of our other children. Our birthdays were planned, just one among many of the days fashioned for us, written in His book. So, I wonder if they celebrate the day that Thomas arrived on Earth...and the day he began his life in Heaven. And, I wonder if he knows that the nine months he spent growing in my womb and the six hours he spent breathing life on this earth have impacted hundreds and maybe even thousands of others. I am certain he earned the coveted "Well done, my good and faithful servant" the day he was carried home to heaven. For his part of the story I have the privilege of sharing time and time again remains the most of Jesus I have to give. My time with Thomas as he went from my arms to the arms of Jesus is the picture of redeeming, sufficient grace. Joy in place of sorrow...peace instead of fear. Jesus keeping His promise that He will never leave nor forsake us. Only He could give a mother joy as she sang to her baby boy on his way to heaven.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of sharing our testimony and the story of SGM with the Rotary Club in Wauseon, Ohio. Michael Vollmer's grandpa, Doug, invited me to share with the group. Every time I speak, the focus is a bit different. For instance, at hospitals I focus on the ways that caregivers can offer compassion and opportunities to form a lasting tangible memory of their brief time with their babies. When I'm sharing with women's groups, I can speak to the mother's heart of the matter. When sharing with churches, I delve deeper into the spiritual aspects of our journey...the nitty gritty of Jesus carrying us through that time and finding hope in His word. But every time I get to the part about Thomas, regardless of the audience, I cannot skip over the moment of grace as I sang to him while Jesus filled the room with peace and joy as He carried my sweet boy home. It is the moment I knew He was real...not just hoped, not just believed without seeing...but knew from the depths of my soul...knew from experience that Jesus is Who He says He is.

Even if I try, I cannot skip over it. Yesterday was the first time I stood before an audience of businessmen...and a few businesswomen. But, mostly men. This is not an audience I'm familiar with. And, I was uncertain how comfortable they would be listening to our story of babies dying and Jesus carrying us through. Prior to the meeting, I thought perhaps I would just share the details of Sufficient Grace and the services we provide for grieving families. After all, these are business people and will be interested in the business aspect of what we do. I prayed, unsure of exactly what should be shared until the day I stepped inside the room.

I heard them opening their meeting in prayer as I entered, which set my mind at ease. I looked around the room, still thinking that surely I wasn't supposed to tell them our story. Just stick to the bare minimum information.They are busy people, hosting this meeting on their lunch break with limited time. But, when I stood to speak, it was immediately pressed on my heart to share the story. I'm just the vessel, so I followed His prompting, as I looked into the faces of mostly business men. I expected to see some shifting away uncomfortably or not meeting my eyes. I've stood before many different audiences, and have learned to read when my words are being received or when they are making others uncomfortable. And, I've occasionally watched  even seasoned nurses shift in their seats and look at the floor. But, this audience did not look away. In fact, even with their busy schedules, they focused intently on the message, many nodding and engaged, connecting with their expressions.

When I came to the part about Thomas, I shared as always. There was also a bit of time to tell about SGM, but we needed to wrap up quickly so the club members could return to work. I knew it was not the most polished delivery I had given, but I could sense that it didn't matter. I was just the vessel. The message was well-received and many shook my hand and took pamphlets as they left. I walked to my car, breathing in the beautiful day and shaking my head in awe of God and His ways. In awe of the day He had fashioned for me, and for our children, and for the lovely people who took the time to hear our message of hope. In awe of the honor bestowed on me...that I was chosen to be the mother of all of my children...in awe that I am their mother and His daughter.

The idea that babies die isn't an easy one to hear, and most people don't want to think about it. Our story isn't an easy story to listen to. Especially in the midst of a busy day. Especially for a group of men of various ages...some fathers and grandfathers. I thought maybe I should skim over the tough parts. But, God knew what was needed. He knows that if I just share about SGM and what we offer, it sounds like a "nice thing to do", but there isn't a depth or connection. People need to hear what we walked through, and how God carried us...they need to know our children and the story God has woven into our lives. They need to see the hope, to connect with our purpose. Knowing why we do what we do matters much more than the actual "what we do". It's the passion that stirs our hearts, and it's the connection that makes others want to join in supporting our efforts.

Every time I have an opportunity to share, there is an opportunity for that connection with another soul. An opportunity to offer comfort and hope for someone else walking through a trial.

Because Thomas lived, there is an opportunity to share the most of Jesus I have to give.

Happy Thirteen Years in Heaven, sweet Thomas. Your time here may have been brief, but the impact of your life on this Earth has been immeasurable. And, every time your name is spoken...every time your story is told, the beauty of Jesus meeting us there in that room with the rocking chair on July 14, 1998 is heard right along with it. It is one of the greatest blessings of my life to be your mother. I love you, sweet boy. And, thank you...

12 comments:

Karen Vollmer said...

Kelly,
Thanks for sharing your message at the Rotary Club in Wauseon yesterday. Doug's uncle Clifford invited Doug into the club many years ago. Michael's middle name, Clifford, was named after Doug's favorite uncle, who passed away in an accident.
Doug said you did a great job. I asked him if I could attend, but he said it was going to be hard enough on him, so he discouraged me from attending.
I hope to be able to hear your presentation sometime soon.
Thanks again
Karen Vollmer

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Thanks so much Karen. And, thank you for sharing with me about Michael's uncle and his name...another precious piece of his story. I'm so grateful to know that sweet boy...and to know your beautiful family.

I'm so glad Doug invited me to come, and thank you for your kind words. I always second guess myself after I share.

Love to you and your family...

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Dear Kelly,
That was a precious post. I'm so glad you were able to share your testimony with that group of mostly men. I imagine is was a bit strange for you - but a blessing for them, I'm sure. :)

Happy 13th birthday to your Thomas. I often wonder about birthdays in heaven too. What blessed and privileged children to go so soon to the presence of our Savior. Yes, abundantly blessed. :)

So much love headed your way today Kel. Thanks for sharing this precious post.

Love,
Lynnette

Linda said...

Kelly I know that feeling of peace that was with you in that room the morning Thomas went to be with Jesus. That same peace...that same feeling...that same Jesus was with us the day that Samuel went to heaven. His whole journey was a spiritual awakening in me that I can never forget.

Like you, we experienced that more than once...with Samuel, then Josiah and then with Anna. I never ever imagined my Lynnette would have to go through such great trials.

But that peace is so real...and so big and so beautiful. So amazing! And it only comes from God!

I have shared their stories so many times over the years. Most times people get tears in their eyes and I know that God is moving them and touching their hearts.

Here you are 13 years later sharing that peace with others! Giving out hope for those who need it. Letting God use you and your story...Thomas' story in such an amazing way.

I am sure that God has a plan and a purpose each time that you speak. It is interesting that He made it possible for you to speak to an audience of men. There must be a reason...or many reasons! I am sure you shared the word...and it doesn't return to Him void...but it will fulfill His purpose!

Happy Heavenly Birthday to your Thomas! I can only imagine...but I think Heavenly Birthdays are awesome! The creator who knew Thomas before he was born...has a purpose and a plan that continues to bless people here on earth. And I am sure they celebrate many things in Heaven!

Love, Momma Linda

Spud said...

Happy 13th Birthday Thomas.

Mary said...

joyeux 13ème anniversaire thomas...
je suis heureuse que 13 ans après vous puissiez toujours partager son histoire, que vous trouviez encore du renouveau par les différents publics... il a du être tout de même très destabilisant de se trouver au milieu d'hommes... il y a une phrase qui dit : "on mesure la vie d'un homme à ce qui laisse derrière lui après son départ"... Alors thomas a été un grand homme à travers votre famille

Stacy D said...

Thinking of you and your sweet Thomas today. This was an amazing post. I saw this post by C.S. Lewis posted on Facebook yesterday: C. S. Lewis: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

It is so true that God can uses the death of a baby to allow his/her parents to share the most of Jesus. Thank you for being His hands and His feet as you have ministered to other bereaved parents like us, and to people in general through your amazing story.

Crystal Theresa said...

Happy Birthday, Thomas. You are loved and missed and remembered. Through your sweet mama, you have left your mark on my heart.

Jennifer Ross said...

I am left with goose bumps on my arms and tears in my eyes,(but you already knew that part (lol), after reading what you have wrote. Yes, we all have a deep passion to share the lives of our children, and you have demonstrated this beautifully.

Happy Birthday to your precious son..... Happy Birthday Thomas....

Holly said...

Many loving thoughts for you today Kelly and for your sweet Thomas. I knew you would do a wonderful job like always when speaking. You've got the Lord on your side. You can't fail! ♥ I imagine though that it was quite different in speaking to a room full of men!

Happy Birthday Thomas xo

Sarita Boyette said...

Remembering sweet Thomas with you - I'm so thankful you have chosen to make your stories of loss into stories of hope for us all.
Wanted to let you know that I was thrilled to receive the book! I mailed you a note today. I can't seem to do anything in a timely fashion lately. But I did appreciate it very much. (((HUGS)))