Missing Her...

It has been two years since my mother went home to be with Jesus. And I still miss her so. I have her tea sets scattered throughout my house, and some are packed away...just in case I ever have the tea party we always talked about. I still want to pick up the phone and call her. I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss the way she fiercely loved her grandkids. She was their safe place...where they were never judged and always loved. I miss putting the ornaments on the tree with her...shopping at Christmas time. I miss her creative ideas and her enthusiasm for making things with her hands, and her heart.

She would love the way her Comfort Bears have gone all over the country (and even Canada) to fill the empty arms of grieving mothers. She would love the team of ladies who work to keep making her Comfort Bears with a grandmother's love and prayers. She would love to hear "Freshman Tim Gerken on the golf course with the low round of the day..." on the radio. She would love to hear about his homecoming dance and reminisce with me about mine. She would love to watch James making a goal at soccer and listen to him trash talk his brother. And maybe she does see and hear those things from Heaven. Maybe she's smiling right now as she rocks her grandbabies. Maybe Faith, Grace, and Thomas are smiling with her as they watch our family.I'm so grateful she is there with Jesus and my babies, and not struggling here with cancer. There is no pain, no sorrow, and no good-byes for her. But still...I miss her so.


When I Look at You...
Written by Kelly Gerken ~ To: Mom, With Love ~ Christmas 2005

When I Look at you all my eyes can see,
Is the beautiful person God created you to be,
No evidence of struggles from years past,
Only the promise of a love that will last,
A love that scaled the bounds of Heaven and Earth,
To come to you on the night of His lowly birth.

You are the Mother who sang my lullabies,
Who comforted my newborn cries,
Who loved me through my ugly years,
And comforted my grown-up fears.

Spirited, Talented, Noble, and True,
You are the woman others admire.
With regal strength you faced adversity,
While you waited so long for the love you desire.

As strong as you are, and as hard as you fought,
It really was the Savior's love you sought.
Until you asked, He waited by your side.
How He ached to comfort you all those nights you cried.
When you were weak, He carried you.
When you prayed, He heard you.
Although you felt alone, He never left you.

Then one day, you took His waiting hand.
Finally, you understand.
The perfect love you searched for,
Was with you all along.
He knows you...He made you...He loves you.
There never was a love so strong.
Every tear of yours He holds close to His heart,
Every moment, He shares a part.

When He looks at you, all His eyes can see,
Is the person He created you to be,
The precious things that make you who you are,
With one act of love, He erased pain's scars.
You are the woman He died for,
So He could be the Savior you live for.

When I look at you all my eyes can see,
Is the person God created you to be,
No evidence of struggles from years past,
Only the promise of a love that will last.
A love that scaled the bounds of Heaven and Earth,
To give you a glorious second birth.

Some Pics

Some of these pics are from summertime (sportstime at our house). You'll notice the pic from Spirit Week. (See the Nothin' Illegal post for more info) The first one is my friend Nicky the Daycare Owner and I at a rally last week.

The Price of Punctuality

My friends all know that I am time management impaired. Hopefully, they love me anyway. Oh yes, it is well-known amongst family and friends that I will arrive at least fifteen minutes later than the designated time. (That's actually a gracious estimation...sometimes it's more like thirty minutes, but who's counting?) God is working on me in this area.

Last year, my job required me to arrive ten to fifteen minutes earlier than my scheduled time, because of a co-worker who arrived early. Now, I was doing pretty good at getting to work on time or on time plus one minute...but early was a little bit of a stretch for me. O.K., it was totally out of my league. I'm flying by the seat of my pants everywhere I go. I see other multi-tasking mamas that just seem to have it all together. They don't miss appointments. They're on time. They have all that they need for the day. Prepared, punctual, and put-together. The elusive three P's.

Most days, I feel like a bit of a mess. Was everyone created to juggle so many things with ease? Why can't I focus on kids, work, household duties, the ministry, friends, etc. without forgetting things,leaving things out or messing things up?

Well, back to last year and my quest to achieve the three P's. One day, I arrived at work really early, and we had everything we needed. No one missed the bus or forgot their lunch money. All the homework had been checked and papers signed. Life was good. I was smiling all morning, basking in the glow of my victory. See, I can do this. I can juggle with the best of the multi-tasking mamas. Bring it.

It was mid-morning and I was walking down the hallway, feeling pretty satisfied with myself, when I looked down and noticed that something wasn't quite right. I was wearing two completely different shoes! They were at least the same color of brown, but two different shoes, nonetheless! There I stood in the middle of the hallway, with my pant legs pulled up...laughing hysterically, when one of the teachers (who had mastered the three P's)walked by. I was laughing so hard, I could barely get the words out. I just pointed at my shoes. Being a multi-tasking mama, she didn't need an explanation. There was a two inch height difference between the heels of the shoes. How could I not notice that at some point in the day? So much for the three P's.More like the three M's - mismatch, mishap, Miss Mess!

Girls, the moral to this story is...there is a price to pay for punctuality. It may come in the form of mismatched shoes...or socks...or earrings. I've even had one-earring days (this usually occurs from the chronic interruptions that pop-up in the morning from those little people who live here. You know, you put one earring in and some dire catastrophe requires your immediate attention...something like, "Mom, where's my glove?" or "I missed the bus, again.") Sometimes, you just can't have it all. I could be punctual and prepared, but not put together. Maybe put together, but not punctual...Something has to give. Limitless possibilities for mishaps abound. Beware, and count the cost!

Gifts and Flowers

I'm not the best gift giver. I try, and I want to give good gifts...but apparently, gift-giving is not one of my gifts. (Lame pun intended.) I don't send cards to my friends on their birthdays. I buy wedding gifts an hour before the wedding, or sometimes just put money in a card I purchase on the way to the wedding, or even at the drugstore in between the wedding and reception. Even my "well-thought-out" attempts have not brought glee to my receivers. My husband has disliked almost every gift I've purchased for him in the last 15 years. So, in some cases it's my disorganization and procrastination that's causing the gift-giving deficiency. And, in other cases, it's my cluelessness as to what my loved ones will love. (Example: I brought my brother such lousy gifts every year of his life that the one time I bought a good one, he didn't even try to hide his shock. He held it up and said, "This is awesome! Did you really buy this? This is from you?")I am pathetically gift-giving challenged.

So, you can understand my dismay, when on the first day of school, I looked in my mailbox to see the committee sign-up sheet. All the blanks were full except one. The Gift and Flower Committee. And all the names were crossed off the list of those who were expected to sign up for their duties, except one. Mine.

This put a major wrench in my I'm Just Gonna plans. I really "didn't wanna" have any part of the Gift and Flower Committee, and despite all my promises and determination to not complain and to start the year positive, I whined and protested a little. It's not that I mind doing my part. I don't. I would serve on other committees. It's just that I am so inadequate, so ill-equipped, so out of touch with the social-goings-on at work. I mean, in addition to my gift-giving deficiencies, I am the last person to know when anything happens at work or in the lives of my co-workers. It's really all I can do to get my own family where they need to be each day and to tend to their needs. So, it is a very real possibility that I will inadvertently miss some important event in someone's life. The flowers or card won't be sent...the gift will not be purchased. That would be horrible, and I am living in fear of that very thing.

The Bible says that we are a "new creation in Jesus". And, you know, He chooses some funny ways to work in our lives to make us that new creation. So, I'm sure it's no accident that I'm on the Gift and Flower Committee. It's meant to stretch and grow me into a more organized, conscientious, gift-giver. And, even though I was at the local grocery store choosing a card for Boss's Day (which was yesterday, in case you didn't know...I mean doesn't everyone know that?) at 7:30a.m. yesterday morning...all was well. The gift and card were delivered. And, hopefully our boss was blessed...'cause blessing others really is what giving gifts is about, right?

I'm Just Gonna...I'm Just Gonna...I'm Just Gonna...

More Encouragement for Moms...

The following article was originally published in The Women's Edge Newsletter. Used With Permission. All Rights Reserved.

From Frazzle to Dazzle
By Kelly Gerken

Do you ever find yourself knee-deep in dirty diapers and bottles? Or, for you moms of potty training toddlers, do you ever feel like you're drowning in laundry and soaked sheets from the notorious potty accident? Are you a carpooling, brownie-baking mom and some days you're not sure if you're coming or going (to baseball practice, soccer, gymnastics, dance, piano lessons...)?


God notices! He appreciates the love you put into the work you do for your family. He watches you all day as your struggle and plug on. You are serve Him as the wife and mother of your family. He will reward you for your sleepless nights and for all those dirty diapers and temper tantrums! Nothing about you goes unnoticed to God your Father.

Every Mom has those "frazzled " days. So what should a "frazzled", overworked, overwhelmed mommy do? How can we turn our attitude form "frazzle" to "dazzle"?

Here are some tips from one (occasionally) "frazzled" mom to another:

1. So many of our struggles stem from the attitudes we choose. On those extra difficult days we have a choice about our reactions and our attitudes. One of the most powerful "attitude adjusters": is simply GRATEFULNESS. Nothing changes an attitude from negative to positive faster than giving thanks for what we have been given. If you're looking around right now and all you can see is a messy house and screaming children, we can start with that. Begin by giving thanks that you have a house to call home (and to get messy). As for the screaming kids, praise God for their healthy lungs. Obviously, they are breathing well to be able to bellow like that. If your husband has fallen asleep on the couch after a long day at work, be thankful that he's sleeping on your couch (as opposed to someone else's couch)!

2. EXPECTATIONS... If I had a nickel for all of the problems that stem from that one simple word, I would be one rich Mommy! Expectations lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Too often, we moms put unattainable expectations on everyone around us: our husbands, our children, our friends, and most of all ourselves. What a great gift it would be to our loved ones if we could simply accept and love people (including ourselves) just the way they are. After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us? What if we laid down our expectations, our schedules, and our demands for a little while and just asked God to help us see these precious children and husbands the way that He sees them? What if we could just laugh and enjoy the great gift of family , even when that family is not meeting our expectations? What if even our flaws were endearing to one another? Or, better yet, what if we chose not to see each other's flaws at all? What if whenever we were wronged by another family member , that wrong or sin was covered completely in grace... every debt paid, every sin forgiven, erased and removed as far as the east is from the west?

3. What motivates us to forgive when we've been wronged, to give when there's nothing left to give, to stay when we want to leave, to keep going when we want to quit? What covers a multitude of sins? What never fails, always hopes, trusts, endures, protects, keeps no record of wrongs, is not selfish or easily angered? LOVE. This is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This love is the love that Jesus has for us and it is the love that He can put in us to give, through the power of His Holy Spirit. If we ask, He will equip us to love our families this way. WE must also remember that this love definitely is a choice, Often as mothers we feel overwhelmed and inadequate about the task of training our children and caring for our homes and family. We will never fail when we choose love.

4.We've heard a lot about what a mom is supposed to give, and how God is gracious to equip moms to fulfill their role. One of the ways He equips us is through the ENCOURAGEMENT we can receive and give to one another in our CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIPS. Call a girlfriend to talk, laugh, vent, cry, sort your thoughts-whatever you need. On those "frazzled" days, it can work wonders to seek the love, support and advice of another godly Christian mom. Maybe it can even help to feel like you are not alone. Someone understands and has been there too. It is beautiful thing to be able to share your burdens with one another in Christian love, and even better, we can pray with and for one another. We all know that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

5. Most importantly, we must remember to fill Mommy's gas tank. If we don't stop and take time to meet some of our own needs, soon we will have nothing left to give our families. It's important to schedule some quiet time to do Bible devotions, call a friend, relax, exercise, whatever refuels and refreshes our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies so that we can live to negotiate bedtime, referee a wrestling match, drive carpool,and change a diaper another day!

Take a second look at your demanding family and take a few minutes to sit down and cradle your children in your arms. Everything else will wait. They are God's gift to you.

Psalm 127:3-4 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children are a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.

A Heart Toward Home ~ Encouragment for Moms

I hope the following article is an encouragement to you today. If so, leave a comment and let me know your thoughts. There are a lot of demands on women today, and some days, I am exhausted and weary. I need the Lord's strength daily. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you, today....whatever demands on your time, however full your schedule, when weariness seeps into your bones, and your mind can't process one more thing....hold on, dear sister. Hold on...to the truth of God's word, to the faithfulness of His promises, to the rest He has for your tired body and your weary mind and soul. Press on, hold on, hang in there, and rest on God's promises for you...

Written By Kelly Gerken
Originally Published in The Women's Edge Newsletter , used with permission. All rights reserved.

But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine; that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love in patience; the older women likewise, that they maybe reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.~ Titus 2:1-6

This scripture reminds us that it doesn't always come naturally to us to love our husbands and children, caring for our homes the way God intended us to do. We must be taught these essential skills by the wise women who have lovingly worked as homemakers before us. Through their example we begin to understand the rewards of submitting to our husbands, of faithfully training our children, and of keeping our homes.

The trouble is, there seems to be a great lack of example in this current time. For the sake of liberation, women are buying the lie that there's something more out there, in droves. Don't get me wrong, I realize the necessity for a second income in some situations. Many women may have to work outside the home for the only household income. I also understand the temptation to gain a sense of worth that comes from the satisfaction of a job well done and the reward of a pay check. It's sometimes more satisfying than carting an ungrateful teenager around or changing another dirty diaper.

The point here is not to judge those who must work outside of the home. The point is to realize that whether our full time job is as mother and wife or mother and wife plus, the important question is...which direction is our heart pointed toward?

How much effort do we put toward making a home? Do we put our family's needs above the priorities and demands of our work, our friends, our me-time? While it's important to refuel ourselves and nurture our physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental needs so that we can lovingly give to our families out of abundance, we can also get carried away with our own selfishness. It's essential to keep our priorities in check. My friend Betsy once said, "Me-time is overrated." And while I love a bit of lunch-with-girlfriends indulgence now and again (and understand the need for it), I have to agree with Betsy.

It's interesting how we think shirking our responsibilities will bring freedom and happiness when true joy often comes from being poured out and completely willing to give and serve others. One translation of Titus 2:5 uses the words to "be busy at home". Many of us are stopping at the word "busy." We have busy down pat...we can talk on the phone, wash the dishes, change a diaper and read email at the same time. We can prepare our presentation, get ready for work, schedule a dentist appointment and pick up five children for baseball practice. These abilities are good and necessary, and they are a way we have been equipped by our Creator for the work we are required to do. But are we just busy, or are we busy making a home? Where is the passion of our hearts?

We must pray for the young mothers to have hearts turned toward home...hearts that nurture and love their children, hearts that want to bring blessing to their husbands, hearts with a vision to make homes a haven for their family. This takes time, commitment, perseverance and training. More experienced wives must take their calling seriously, to come alongside new wives and mothers and train them in the safe-keeping of their families.

This is an art form that must not be lost. For the sake of the future generations of our children and our children's children, we must turn our hearts toward home, resisting the urge to be pulled away by one more thing...one more worldly idea that offers an empty promise. Beware lest anyone cheat you through the philosophy and empty deceit according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. ~Colossians 2:8
What does it look like to have a heart toward home?

It begins with a balance of our time, energies, goals and desires. First and foremost our will should be in line with God's will for our lives.

Our priorities should be in this order:
1. To love, serve, please, worship and walk with God.
2. To love, honor, submit, and pray for to our husbands.
3. To love, train, nurture, and pray for our children.
4.To attend, support, pray for and serve in our church family.
5.To meet the demands and pray for for our outside work and/or ministry.

If our priorities are out of order and our time and commitment to them is not in balance, that is a reflection of the attitude of our hearts. We must keep ourselves in check, like the psalmist asking God "Search me , O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)

Where is the reward for all of this serving you may wonder. I give to my family... I serve and I pray. I discipline my children, and all I get is more disobedience. I love my husband, and he's tired and cranky after along day at work. I do the laundry...and all I get is more dirty clothes. First of all, I hear you sister, and you're right. Sometimes there isn't a whole lot of glory in serving our families. There's hard work, ungratefulness, cranky days, and more work. The rewards are not immediate, and sometimes are few and far between. But, I know a woman who has seen the hand of God in the lives of her children as a result of serving as their prayer warrior. She not only has seen God work in her own children, but in the lives of an entire community as she weekly, faithfully prays for their school. She may never know this side of heaven all the dangers that these children have been saved from, all the sorrows prevented as a result of her diligent, righteous prayers. What if she had been too busy to pray? What if her heart had been turned away from home?

I know another woman who prayed for ten years for her husband to go to church with her and serve the Lord. She loved him though the gut-wrenching grief of the loss of three out of five children. She loved him when he couldn't love her back. And she prayed him home when he thought about turning his heart away. Now, he sits beside her every Sunday morning drinking in the truth of Scripture. God has healed all that was broken and given back one hundred fold of joy for every tear that was shed in that marriage. What if she gave up? What if she said, "I don't need this. There must be something more for me out there." She would have missed the blessing of her life.

I know what you may be thinking. This is a lot to ask...giving up my selfish "needs" to serve my family. There isn't much glory in it. The women who've remained obedient to this calling, keeping their hearts toward home would tell you that they wouldn't trade God's ways of blessing them...His answers to their desperate prayers for any amount of glory and satisfaction that this world has to offer.

When you can't do it one more minute...when you are tempted to give up and turn your heart away, remember...we serve a God who is able and willing to equip us. He promises to complete the work He has begun in us. All we have to do is trust Him. He knows our needs better than we know ourselves.

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.You know my sitting down and my rising up;You understand my thought afar off.And are acquainted with all my ways.For there is not a word on my tongue,But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.You have hedged me behind and before,And laid Your hand upon me.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.~ Psalm 139:1-6

Remembering Our Babies.....

It has been ten years since we said good-bye to our Thomas Patrick, and it will be twelve years on November 3 since our Faith and Grace went home to heaven. Sometimes, it seems like just yesterday that I held them in my arms. Sometimes, it feels like it has been a lifetime.

There's something about the autumn winds that blow in, changing the colors of the trees, nature's last hurrah before the winter winds blow the last glorious leaves to the ground, leaving the trees naked and barren. Fall is so bittersweet and always represents change and the passing of time. We leave our careless summer days to return to school (and for me...work!). And we remember those who have gone before us....and those who are no longer with us.

Thank you to everyone who wrote to us to add their babies to our memory page. And may God bless and keep each one of the families represented here as He carries you each day and showers you with the gifts of His love, His comfort, and His beautiful, sufficient grace.

We Remember ~ National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month ~ October 2008

Safe in the Arms of Jesus...We Still Dream of You...
Children of Tim and Kelly Gerken:
Faith Elizabeth and Grace Katherine ~ November 3, 1996
Thomas Patrick Gerken ~ July 14, 1998

Child of Ned and Tracy Sponsler:
Kelly Michelle Sponsler ~ March 12, 2003

Erica, Adam, and Larah Williams remember:
Cooper Michael ~ May 29, 2005
Lee Ryan ~ December 23, 2005
Baby Seth ~ April 23, 2007
"Love begins before a baby is born...and lives Forever."

Child of Darrell and Heather Brown:
Michael Lee Brown
Went Home to Heaven: July 20, 2006

Child of John and Janelle Pimpo:
Matthew J. Pimpo ~ April 23, 2008
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles." Isaiah 40:31

Child of Kenda Ashbaugh and Roger Korte:
Andrew Joseph Korte ~ May 9, 1985
Our Little Angel...

Child of Bill and Stacy Holley:
Avery Grace Holley ~ Dec 22, 2006 - Dec 28, 2006
We miss you and love you sweet baby.

Child of Nathan and Laura Barnes:
Elizabeth Barnes ~ June 2, 2004

Child of Jason and Amber Seedorf:
Morgan Christine Seedorf
Born~ June 12, 2004 Went Home to Heaven ~ August 7, 2004
Soar With the Angels ~ We Love You

Child of Melissa and Joe Lane:
Calypso Paikea Rhyder Lane
Birth Date ~ June 14, 2007 ~ Went Home to Heaven~July 7, 2007
Heaven's Prettiest Dancer

Child of: Cathryn Makurat and John Baumeister Jr.
Harvey William Baumeister
Went to Heaven on July 7th, 2008
Induced at 23 weeks, 2 days due to Polycystic Kidney Disease

Child of: Darrell & Karen Eckelberry
Gracelynn Louise Eckelberry
birthdate 7-16-2007------angel date 8-4-2007
What a hole you left in our lives--we love you, Gracie Lou.

Please Pray

Today, I am going to Michigan with my friend Nicki from high school to see our friend J. J lost her husband this week in an automobile accident. She has three children close to the age of my own children. There are no words for a sorrow this unreachably deep, a pain this great. All that I can think of is that there is no place deep or dark enough that we are unreachable to God. So...all that I know is that His word is the only word to turn to.

My mind is full of flashes from the past...snapshots of my girlhood friends, laughing, and making memories. Flashes of each of our weddings. Pillow fights. Throwing teenage caution to the wind and engaging in foolishness. Long talks. The road trip to Nic's wedding with J. Loading J's Suburban and with all of our children, (and some neighbor kid - all under the age of 7) to travel to Shipshewana and later to the lake. Watching the little ones splash in the lake. Listening to our boys giggle. Conversations. Regrets. Sorrows and joys.

Would we live differently if we knew our time was short? Should we live that way, anyway? After all, no one knows the day or the hour...

I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but if you are, PLEASE PRAY for J's family...for her, her son, and her two daughters.

Nothin' Illegal

This past weekend was Homecoming for our school. It was a fun-filled week of festivities from the elementary to the high school. We little ones at the elementary enjoyed hat day, silly sock day, and red-white-and-blue day. We are Patriots, after all, and we go all out! There was red-white-and-blue hair, beads, clothes, faces, and in my James's case a big fluffy red and blue wig! Oh, yes...he wore the wig with confidence, strutting into the second grade room with a grin on his face and his furry head held high.

At the football game that evening, we started out sitting on the bleachers to watch our boys stomp the unfortunate visiting team. But, James was watching the more interesting game on the sidelines...the game that's been a tradition since the beginning of time (or at least the beginning of our school). With all the sweaty macho tackling and the glory of head-to-head testosterone-filled combat in the air, who could blame the younger boys for starting their own game in the open grassy field to the side of the football field? And that is what they do. They sweat and tackle, run and trash talk, look to see if the girls are watching, and then...tackle, grunt, and trash talk some more. That is until some rule enforcing adult comes to break up their game and remind them that the ambulance on the sidelines is not for little boys without padding who choose to throw caution to the wind and wage gridiron war. Rather, it is for the boys we came here to see...our well padded and helmeted high school boys.

So, I was on the sidelines, reminiscing with some moms about when we had our Homecoming (you know, back in the day), when I had a feeling it might be time to check on James. He had been out of my sight for a few minutes, and...well, you know the feeling. We walked up to the pseudo- football-field-of-dreams just in time to witness the police officer breaking up the game, and reminding the boys to be safe. That's when I caught the look of shock and terror on James's face. His eyes were like saucers, as he looked around nervously...suddenly not feeling so tough. I quietly said, "James, come here," and in a millisecond, his hand found mine. Relief. You see, there are two people whose words are respected and revered above all else (in the mind of James) - his Sunday School Teacher and "the police". If it's against God's law or the law of the land, he doesn't want any part of it. I wondered how all this excitement was processing behind those wide eyes.

So, I asked, " What happened? What were you doing, James?"

To which, with arms and eyebrows raised , he replied, "Nothin' illegal!"

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As I have both lamented and rejoiced, my oldest son is in high school. So, for him, Homecoming meant his first high school dance. We went shopping for an outfit that afternoon. Oh, the nostalgia. The memories flooded my mind as I thought of my own first Homecoming, my first boyfriend, arguing with my mom as she put my hair in hot rollers. I thought of when I was on the Homecoming Court and had the honor of being Homecoming Queen. Now, I don't normally wish I could go back to that tumultuous time in my life. There are more regrets from the foolishness of youth than cherished memories. And I'm much more satisfied to stay here...in this place where I am a new creation in Christ, secure as the woman I am, loved and safe...no longer searching, no longer filled with the unbridled passions of youth. Sigh.

When I dropped him off, I could see a glimpse of the festively decorated cafeteria and the young, excited faces through the window. The new outfits and the sparkle. The anticipation. And there I was...on the outside, looking in the window. For a moment, I wished I had something to get that excited about...a dance to get ready for. The excitement of the unknown. What would happen? The mom in me was excited for him...that this was his time. The girl in me missed my own mom...how she would understand. I remembered her waiting until I got home from the dance...waiting for me to tell her all about it, while still glowing from the warmth of dancing all evening in the arms of my first love. Had time really passed so quickly?

I smiled, as I paused for a moment in the parking lot, knowing that there would be no conversation about the details of the evening when he came home. I have a son...not a daughter. And son's don't give the details...at least not the ones a mom would want to know. Details of the game, yes. Details about who danced with who and what everyone wore. Not so much! I will remain outside, looking in the window of his life as he grows. And I will be here, should he feel the urge to share a crumb of information, letting me inside for just a moment. And I will be praying and trusting God to take care of the rest.