Fourteen...My Sweet Girls...

It has been fourteen years since I held you both...one in each arm...with your daddy on one side of me, and your Grandma Kathy nearby. Fourteen years since I sang Amazing Grace while gazing through tears at your sweet little faces, a silent snow falling outside the window.

Dark eyes like your daddy and brothers...

God honored my request that all of my babies would have their daddy's beautiful brown eyes...

Tiny little noses, just like daddy and brothers...

A little hint of mommy around your tiny mouths...

There would have been two of everything...

Sweet Faith, you may have added piano music to our melody with your long, slender fingers.

And dear Grace, I imagine you would have belted out words of praise beside your mama. For some reason, in my mind, I picture that your feisty spirit would ensure that your voice would always be heard.

But, those are my dreams.

Who knows if that's the way it would be at all. If there is one thing I've learned about being a mother for the past sixteen years, it's that children are their own people, not put on this earth to fulfill our dreams. They each have their own purpose, their own free will, their own heart's desires, their own dreams to fulfill. I always worried if I would know how to parent a daughter...much less two little girls. For some reason, the Lord has seen fit to surround me with boy world. I love boy world, and appreciate all the gifts that go with it...well most of them. But, I long for my little girls, who wouldn't be so little anymore.

Maybe you would have pink golf clubs right along side mine. Maybe you would take the stage and play the part. Maybe you would sing a song of worship, or write heart-stopping prose. I wonder how you would have changed the world if you were here. Then I remember, how much you already have done to make a difference in this world. Two tiny girls, who never took a breath on this earth. I wonder...do you know how many people know your names? Do you know how many grieving hearts have found comfort because you lived?

Most likely we would argue over time limits in the one bathroom in our tiny house, the length of your skirts, the angst over all things teenage-girl. I can only dream of what a mother's heart still longs for...but I know in reality, life would be imperfect.

Still,  I long for you both. I long for my mama-heart dreams...and for the reality of imperfection. I long to hold you. Although if you are like your older brother, you'd have none of that by this time.

Happy Fourteenth Birthday, my beautiful girls. We love you. We miss you. We are grateful for every gift your lives have given to us...and for every dream that still fills our hearts for you. Hug your Grandma and Thomas and tell them we love them.

Keep dancing your beautiful dance. I'll keep trying to stumble through mine. One day, I'll be dancing with you.


For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God...
Ephesians 2:8